(Cut to a monochromatic green screen with the words “James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” in different letter fonts as the “LOKI” series theme song plays in the foreground as it cuts to James in his office.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Ever wonder what happened to Loki after he used the Tesseract to escape Thor and The Avengers in "Avengers: Endgame?" Leave it to Kevin Feige and everyone at Marvel to answer that question. (Cut to the “LOKI” title card from the Marvel/Disney+ series, then to clips of the show as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Lasting two seasons, “Loki,” tells the story of what happened after the Endgame disappearance of Loki as he tries to work with the Time Variance Authority and tries to find himself in the process of having to deal with a lot, including the TVA itself and having to save all of the time. Can he succeed? Will the timeline survive? Today, we will find out if Tom Hiddleston’s charm can save time and space and show he can keep an audience. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any time; this is “LOKI!” (Cut to “LOKI” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The series picks up where Loki was during the NY Invasion of the Chitari and then his capture and escape in “Endgame.” however, just as he thinks he’s in the clear, a group called the Time Variance Authority finds him. It takes him outside of Time and Space, and his magic can’t do squat to get him out of the situation. He is soon told about where he is by Miss Minutes, voiced by Tara Strong, interrogated by Mobius, played by Owen Wilson, and then shown past events; he was a part of even the D.B. Cooper incident; hell, he was D.B Cooper! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
It makes total sense! (Cut to “LOKI” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
While trying to escape, he makes it back to where he sees what eventually happens, including his actions that lead to the death of Frigga, his adopted mom in “The Dark World,” The end of Asgard in “Ragnarök” and his own end in “Infinity War.” Realizing he is not going to have the future he thought, Loki begrudgingly joins the TVA, teaming up with Mobius as the two try to find a variant of Loki that is causing chaos in the timeline and killing agents and taking their tech. By episode 2, we discover the variant by the name of Sylvie, played by Sophie Di Martino, and Loki goes on his own to stop her. In episode 3, Loki and Sylvie are trapped as the device they had goes kaput, and they must find a way back to the TVA. While these episodes are going on, things are not precisely kosher at the TVA, especially with the people in charge of Mobius. In episode 4, Loki is placed under arrest by the TVA as Mobius begins to wonder if Loki is, in fact, honest in this case. Still, it doesn’t matter as Loki is sent to suffer in the void to suffer with other variants, which includes a classic comic book Loki, played by Richard E. Grant (Damn, that dude gets around) and as Sylvie prunes herself to Join Loki in the void, The two can avoid being killed by Alioth and make it to a citadel where our heroes must make their move and in the meanwhile Renslayer played by Gugu Mbatha-Raw is shown to be the most bent and Miss Minutes is her accomplice in these events. We now have made it to the season finale as Mobius tries to stop Renslayer while Loki and Sylvie make it to the Citadel, where He Who Remains is the master of all of Time and Space and is played by OOOOH SHIT! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
ABANDON THE REVIEW NOW! IT’S NOW OFFICIALLY THE HINDENBERG! I’M GONE! (James walks away and cuts to the front door as James opens the door. Cut to a furious female at least several miles away. Cut to James, now even more scared than looking at “He Who Remains,” as James shuts, locks the door, and then runs back to his office) So, why did I react that way? Unfortunately, the actor who performed “He Who Remains” was Jonathan Majors. During the filming of this series, Marvel was preparing to hinge the Multiverse Saga’s big bad being on this actor and a variant of him being Kang The Conqueror, which again, a variant was used for “Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania” and unfortunately, the tepid response of that movie and the fact he had gone through some personal issues which done before and during filming made turned Kang and Jonathan Majors into liabilities. While Jonathan does return for the second season of the series, it’s with most of his appearances minimized. (Cut to “LOKI” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Eventually, the timelines begin to diverge as Sylvie begins her attempt to kill “He Who Remains,” and Loki tries to stop her and fails. Loki tries to return to the TVA and sees the damage of what Sylvie did as the statues of the time masters now look like “He Who Remains,” ending the first season. We start the second season with Loki, now destabilizing and able to travel to the past, present, and future. With no idea where to go, Loki and Mobius decide to meet Ouroboros, played by Short Round! I am not even kidding; this is Ke Huy Quan after winning the Academy Award for the movie “Everything, Everywhere, All At Once.” Ouroboros says the best way for Loki is to use a Temporal Aura Extractor to stabilize himself. Mobius helped Loki by pulling him out of the timeline. However, the temporal loom used to stabilize the timeline is destroyed. So, now Loki and Mobius must find Sylvie and find a way to repair the temporal loom. While we find Sylvie at a McDonald’s in the 1980s on another timeline, another TVA agent named General Dox is just out to decimate the different timelines. While that goes on, Renslayer and Miss Minutes leave a book for a young variant of “He Who Remains,” who eventually becomes an inventor by the name of Victor Timely, who is played by Jonathan Majors. However, by episode four, well, the plans to rebuild the loom don’t end well as... (Cut to Victor Timely becoming Spaghetti, then a blast eviscerating everyone at the TVA. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
That’s one way to end an episode! (Cut to “LOKI” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We soon discover that Loki survived by accessing his ability to shift through time to find temporal variants of those from the TVA to try and fix what happened but realizing his ability to change through the timeline is what is necessary for him to reform the TVA by focusing on Ouroboros and to the moments before the loom ultimately fails, seriously, the abundance of times he does it puts Bill Murray’s character in “Groundhog’s Day” just trying to survive the day to shame! Ultimately, Loki decides that the only way to save the day is after consulting with both Sylvie and Mobius (I love how Mobius explains that glorious purpose means that he must bear the burdens that come with that purpose.) Loki decides to take Timely’s place at the loom and evolves from the God of Mischief to the one whose glorious purpose is to keep the sacred timeline together as best as possible. And with Loki now doing what he can in the Sacred Timeline, the series ends with the TVA going after variants of “He Who Remains,” Ouroboros rewriting the TVA handbook and reactivates Miss Minutes sans her darker and less than likable tendencies, Renslayer having to now run from Alioth for all time, Sylvie and Mobius retiring from their services to the TVA to observe Mobius’ variant and his kids and Loki knowing that he has found his glorious purpose. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was “LOKI,” it lasted just the right amount of time. (Cut to “LOKI” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
I truly enjoyed this show, watching every episode and loving everything the “Thor” movies expanded on with him. Yes, this is what female fans wanted, to have the ability to make Loki their perfect guy, to evolve the character, to do what it was they wanted to see out of Loki, I enjoyed the story of the franchise; the pacing was excellent and if this does end Loki’s story on a good note, so be it. If you haven’t seen it, then for all of the time, find it on Disney+ and see the god of mischief find his true, glorious purpose. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and... (Glass shatters) Here comes trouble! (James is grabbed by three right hands and tossed down a flight of stairs to the loading dock and lower level of the studio. Cut to Hunter Dino, Crosslyn Castillo, and Ellie Jimenz as they have the desire and the look to put James out of his misery. Cut to James, who is barely conscious.) Let me guess, the third one? (Cut to Hunter Dino, Crosslyn Castillo, and Ellie Jimenz)
Hunter “Aquafina” Dino:
Behold the last of our sisters.
Crosslyn “Marintina” Castillo:
The ever-powerful, unstoppable
Ellie Jimenez:
Oceana (Cut to James as he begins to pick himself up. Cut back to the three)
Ellie “Oceana” Jimenez:
And this time, our former pod, its leader Lacustrine, or anything or one you know will save you! (A voice from out of nowhere shouts, “Then you don’t know who you’re messing with!” as a blast hits the three, revealing that the ones who hit them were Linkara and Erod the Blockbuster Buster!)
ERod The Blockbuster Buster:
Only you can piss off women and mermaids alike. (Cut to Team TLOTA as James gets back on his feet. Cut to the three as a voice shouts “POWER LANCE!” as electricity shocks them, and David Yost tells Linkara and ERod to join James.)
Hunter “Aquafina” Dino:
You had better have a really good explanation for your actions. (Cut to David Yost)
David Yost:
It took me a moment to realize what was happening, and James was right. Of course, Linkara had to help me out with that.
Linkara:
A pleasure to help.
Rowdy:
James, I just got word they’re coming, and even with our numbers, they might not be enough.
Linkara:
Whatever it is, it will be enough to get the job done. When they come is the question. (The Scene fades to black)
