(The scene begins with Deadpool’s gloved hands and many photos leading up to what is happening now.)
Deadpool (Audio only):
So, let’s recap, this is James, He calls himself “The Last Of The Americans,” he’s an internet reviewer and in between reviewing every movie and show under the fucking sun, he has tried to balance that shit out with romantic interests. One came really close to providing that balance, but fate said, “Fuck You, you don’t deserve it. What you do deserve is to be made to suffer the splooge slings and fucking flaming arrows of shit life tosses your way,” and James in the aftermath has lost a lot of faith in things working out in his favor. Now he also is paying for the sins of falling in love with a woman and wanting to marry her, and those that took her from him are seeking his blood for payback for shit they did to him and blame him for! Ain’t that a motherfucker! Now we’re all caught up, let’s get back to our current shitstorm already in process!
(Cut to James as he is thrown through the last picture as the song “Ashes” by Celine Dion is played in the foreground as James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, falls in the center of a bed of seaweed as the words “First Choice Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com presents...” Cut to a moment of James being flung forward past repeated images of Hunter Dino and Crosslyn Castillo with energy shooting out of their eyes directed at James as a credit says, “Starring: Wait a second, Two different cuts of the same movie?” Cut to a series of lightning bolts striking at James and a credit saying, “Edited by: WHO IN THE HELL WANTED TWO CUTS OF THE SAME MOVIE?” Cut to a scene of James being attacked as a credit says, “Produced by: SERIOUSLY?! HOW MANY DIFFERENT CUTS OF A MOVIE EXIST?!” Cut to a moment of James looking a lot worse for wear as he is covered in water, then to a scene of an army of Hunter Dinos and Crosslyn Castillos running after James Faraci The Last Of The Americans. A credit saying, “Written and Directed by: This guy who sat through two cuts of the same movie, he’s either smart or he really likes pain and sitting through crap like this!” as James is grabbed and thrown through copies of movie posters as he lands through them and lands outside of the area that Hunter Dino is captured.)
Hunter “Aquafina” Dino:
What’s the matter, getting your human ass handed to you on a bed of kelp? (Cut to James as he pops his arm back into place.)
TLOTA:
Just another day here. (James dodges a kick as it cuts to Hunter Dino still entrapped in her force-fielded area)
Hunter “Aquafina” Dino:
If there is any positive to being a human, are these leg things good for swift attacks! (James grabs one leg, kicking him then the other as Crosslyn “Marintina” Castillo hurls James with a hurricarana, and James lands on the team, but the momentum tosses Crosslyn “Marintina” Castillo into the same area Hunter “Aquafina” Dino is trapped in. Crosslyn tries to break it with her fist, but the reverberations cause the two to groan in pain from the sounds inside the force field area.)
Crosslyn “Marintina” Castillo:
That rattled me down to my... toes.
Hunter “Aquafina” Dino:
Yeah, he fused magisense with science.
Crosslyn “Marintina” Castillo:
Wait, she will come and help us finish him off! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
And if she does, she’ll join you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got work to do. (James goes to his office.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. And Welcome to The Different Cuts. (Whistling version “The Lumberjack Song” is heard as the scene cuts to Team TLOTA dressed as Lumberjacks see a gigantic piece of film celluloid and James chops it down and the other members cut it to different lengths and on the ends sticking out of the back of the truck the words “The Different Cuts” are seen in differing syllables. as it cuts to clips of “Deadpool 2” and James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
With the success of the first Deadpool movie, there was going to be a sequel; however, from what has been said about the director of the first one, Tim Miller, whether it was how the credits gave him in the opening or the pay, he didn’t come back, but that didn’t affect the box office. “Deadpool 2” was amazingly funny and reminds us about how awesome the characters are and how much the gruesome and gratuitous merc with a mouth can generate box office gold. However, in the same year Deadpool returned in all his R-rated glory, Ryan Reynolds and everyone tried to re-edit the movie and see if Deadpool could work in a PG-13 setting with “Once Upon A Deadpool”. Possibly as a canary in the coal mine to see if putting Deadpool into the MCU. While it was successful, and I liked it, this movie seems to have disappeared, possibly due to the TVA. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
So, let’s see if we can find it as we get going on the Different Cuts of “Deadpool 2” with the plot! (Cut to Deadpool’s gloved hands as he writes “The Plot (what little of it and spoiling it like rotten meat! LOL)" on a picture of Deadpool as an accordion plays. Cut to both cuts of “Deadpool 2” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Set two years after the first movie, Deadpool has now set himself up as the merc with the mouth. After botching a job that costs him, Vanessa, Deadpool tries to find meaning in a meaningless point of existence. He tries to unalive himself, he joins the X-Men under the tutelage/irritation of Colossus and NSTWH, he joins a kid named Russell who unfortunately grows up and kills Cable’s family because of what Deadpool does for Russell. He creates X-Force to stop Russell and Cable. Whatever it takes, Deadpool will kill himself or find a reason to live. Though I know it will be the first and not the latter. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So, which one does it better than the other? (Cut to both “Deadpool 2” cuts as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
While both are good, the plot is better without the restrictions of the PG-13 rating. While Deadpool has been done on lesser-rated programs. The plot must be so challenging that an R-rating is the only way to be great. PG-13, while it is the average rating of a comic book movie, doesn’t work with Deadpool. I prefer Deadpool, which is snarky and loves every job he does. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Point goes to “Deadpool 2” (Cut to Deadpool as he puts a copy of “Deadpool 2” and “Once Upon a Deadpool” on a piece of wood as a bullet hits the “Deadpool 2” Physical Media right between the “O” s. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Next up is the Editing. (Cut to Deadpool’s gloved hands as he writes, “Editing (Basically chopping up a movie and frappes the shit out of it)" on a picture of Deadpool as an accordion plays. Cut to both cuts of “Deadpool 2” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As much as I love seeing a PG-13 rating on a Deadpool movie, it limits his ability to be the anti-hero we love and to be as gory as Deadpool can be. Again, it's not bad to see him in a PG-13 setting. I love seeing him doing what he does with the PG-13 limitation, but he works better in an R-rated movie. While the story is only mildly affected negatively by the PG-13 rating, the pacing of the story is mildly affected by the PG-13 rating it does mean that it is unique as they edit out a SHIT ton of the more extreme things, but they made up for it in creativity, especially and this is a spoiler for “Once Upon A Deadpool's" cast but the fact that they set it up as a story as read to Fred Savage ala The Princess Bride is a nice touch. What also makes “Once Upon A Deadpool” a good re-edit is that it allows for more of the kiddies to like it and hope that the parents don’t show them the Comic Book, that is unless Linkara reviews one that was meant to be reviewed in February only to be released in September! (Cut to James physically as Linkara shouts off-screen, “I HEARD THAT FARACI! And who is this next to Hunter?” Crosslyn “Marintina” Castillo says off screen “The body belongs to a human parading like one of us named Crosslyn Castillo, you may call me “Marintina”! Cut to both cuts of “Deadpool 2” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
But all criticisms aside I liked both cuts and both are worthy of the point that both get it but, in the end, it is total points at the end of this that decides which one is the better cut. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA (V.O.):
“Deadpool 2 takes the lead 2-1! (Cut to the copies of “Deadpool 2” and “Once Upon a Deadpool” on a piece of wood as a bullet hits the “Deadpool 2” Physical Media right between the “O” s and a second one hits the “2” and a bullet shot into the butt of Deadpool on the “Once Upon A Deadpool” cover. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Now, onto the next category, The Cast and Characters (Cut to Deadpool’s gloved hands as he writes “Cast & Characters (The overpaid hacks and the target of fandom’s ire!)" on a picture of Deadpool as an accordion plays. Cut to both cuts of “Deadpool 2” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
An amazing cast is being used incredibly in both cuts of the movie. Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool and the voice of The Juggernaut, Morena Baccarin as Vanessa (Even though she is “Fridged” in this movie), Josh “Thanos” Brolin as Nathan “Cable” Summers, Zazie Beetz as “Domino,” the legendary Leslie Uggams as “Blind Al,” Stefan Kapičić as the voice of Colossus, Brianna Hildebrand as Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Julian Dennison as Firefist and as a special guest in “Once Upon A Deadpool” is of course Fred Freaking Savage! It was not a bad performance by the cast at all. Even the James McAvoy X-Men cast cameo appearances don’t drag themselves out. The cast does a performance worthy of the characters and the fandom surrounding their characters. Not even the moments featuring Fred Savage in “Once Upon A Deadpool” are wasted. Even the appearances of Brad Pitt as Vanisher and Rob Delaney as Peter are so good that both cast performances are point-worthy. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Another tie, but “Deadpool 2” is ahead three points to two.
(Cut to the copies of “Deadpool 2” and “Once Upon a Deadpool” on a piece of wood as a bullet hits the “Deadpool 2” Physical Media right between the “O” s, a second one hits the “2” and a bullet through the “D” in Deadpool, a bullet shot into the butt of Deadpool and a bullet shot in the “O” in the “Once on the “Once Upon A Deadpool” cover. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Now, the most important part of this one is the Re-Watch Factor.
(Cut to Deadpool’s gloved hands as he writes “The Re-Watch Factor (Bored one day and decided to say, “FUCK IT!” I’ll watch it again; it’s been a while)" on a picture of Deadpool as an accordion plays. Cut to both cuts of “Deadpool 2” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Both movies are worthy of the Honor of being Re-Watchable, even as Deadpool does clean up in the end of both film cuts well... I can’t spoil everything, but he makes a lot of things right. The fact that, unfortunately, “Once Upon A Deadpool” is available on secondary sites for Physical Distribution is a negative towards it. Still, it’s a minor nitpick, and that nitpick is the only negative I have towards “Once Upon A Deadpool” watching it; I liked it, and I salute the men behind the movie for trying to make Deadpool more mainstream. However, as I have said, Deadpool works best in the R-rated world.
(Cut to the copies of “Deadpool 2” and “Once Upon a Deadpool” on a piece of wood as a bullet hits the “Deadpool 2” Physical Media right between the “O” s, a second one hits the “2”, a bullet through the “D” in Deadpool and a Bullet splits and hits Deadpool, Domino and Cable in the head, a bullet shot into the butt of Deadpool, and a bullet shot in the “O” in the “Once Upon A Deadpool” cover. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Next time, I am reviewing my first MCU-based series on Disney Plus, Heaven Help the Timeline, I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and that’s my opinion!
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