(Scene starts with a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal, and it cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown and it then slides away to different images of John Ross and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Ed Champion as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Andrew Beach & Ed Champion” is shown as it then slides away to different images of Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites, and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions" “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion & Olivia Horvath” “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci” “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background, and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays. Cut to James in his office)
TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I'm about to express are of my own and some of yours. Yes, it’s my eleventh anniversary, yet much like it was in 2020, I don’t feel like celebrating. Let me count the ways, the woman I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life is gone, two of my friends have left, and my other personal problems are too numerous to count. I have professional issues up the wazoo, up to and including the fact that my numbers are so down that I am barely making rent and the bills that I had to give everyone six months paid leave until I can financially support them coming back. The entire Internet has turned on me. I think it's clear the Halcyon days are behind me. Now, all I am waiting for is the end, and since it is my eleventh anniversary, let’s go back to the beginning of Zack Snyder’s long-standing relationship with DC Comics, which thankfully has ended with the recent DCEU failures. (Cut to the title of the movie “Watchmen” then to clips of the film as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Based on the Alan Moore Graphic Novel that was supposed to have the characters from the Charleston Comics had it not been for “Crisis On Infinite Earth,” “Watchmen” was supposed to be the end of the Superhero Comic Book Genre and, in Irony, revived it. The inverse happened when Zack Snyder started making DC movies. But does this taint or redeem Snyder’s ideas for the DC movies? (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Since We all know that answer let’s, for giggles and shits, watch out for “Watchmen” (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with a huge man who goes by the nom de voyage of “The Comedian,” played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan, as he hears about the collapse of our civilization before I forget, this is set in an alternate 1985, in which N***n is up for his fifth term as President, and most likely George McFly is in Oak Park Cemetary, “Doc” Emmet L. Brown is committed and we’re on the verge of Nuclear Annihilation! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And I will give anyone who guesses correctly what is happening now in the real world that’s relevant. And if you say N***n, then do yourself a favor, hold your breath, and wait until I say you can breathe again, and I am not going to say it anytime soon. (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
And now, with the doomsday clock at five minutes to doomsday, it's safe to say we’re boned! However, “The Comedian” won’t have to worry about that as he is attacked by someone as “Unforgettable” plays in the foreground, ultimately ending with “The Comedian” getting one last laugh before being thrown out his high-rise apartment’s window and winds up a splat on the concrete. After our opening credits, which show the formation of the Minutemen who will eventually become the Watchmen, we see, as the Bob Dylan song apropos to the events that lead us to where the world is in this movie, “The Times they are a changing.” We’re soon introduced to “Rorschach,” played by Jackie Earle Haley, investigating how and why “The Comedian” was killed, believing “The Comedian” was murdered. However, something to remember is heroes in Alan Moore’s mind. Superheroes don’t do good for the sake of doing good. Those heroes don’t exist. Believing that there might be someone after “The Comedian's” old associates, he comes upon his associates, including “Nite-Owl" Dan Dreiberg, played by Patrick Wilson. Dan, however, thinks that “Rorschach” is crazy and that the day of Superheroes has passed. We soon meet Adrian Veidt, aka “Ozymandias.” played by Matthew Goode, as we see him take his success as a hero and turn it into a business venture; he has “Good Intentions,” and as we all know, those intentions are what pave the road to hell and “Ozymandias” takes his warning to deaf ears. Meanwhile, “Rorschach” decides to go and tell Dr. Manhattan, played by Billy Crudup and HO...LY COW! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
DAVALOSH! Put on a thong or something down there, Doc, I don’t want to see your Manhattan Project. (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Uh, we’re also introduced to Laurie, aka the second “Silk Spectre,” played by Malin Akerman, as she tells “Rorschach.” He’s wanted by Nixon, and every other active Superhero is in the same boat. However, Dr. Manhattan cannot tell what will happen and who killed “The Comedian” as “Dr. Manhattan” teleports “Rorschach” out of the way. “Dr Manhattan” shows Laurie some of the past and convinces Laurie to meet with Dan. Laurie wonders why they did what they did until they were forced into retirement and tells Dan that Nuclear War is inevitable. We soon are at “The Comedian's” funeral as he’s buried as a hero. Laurie teleports home only to meet with her mom, the original “Silk Spectre,” played by Carla Gugino, as she tries to drink the pain of her failed existence away as we get a flashback to Sally back in the day with “The Comedian” as he takes a good desired view of Sally and “The Comedian” decides that... OH MY GOD! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
“The Comedian” is a hero?! This guy should be spending life without parole! (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As that monster is buried as a hero, even though with every flashback we see that he and “Dr. Manhattan” are monsters, thankfully “Dr. Manhattan” is wearing something to cover up his Manhattan Project as they help defeat those who beat us in the Vietnam War. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Remember, alternate version of our world. (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As that monster tries to justify murdering another one of his rape victims, we then find ourselves in a meeting as that monster says, “It’s all a joke; as soon as the nukes drop, there’ll be no world to speak of.” and then we see Dan and that monster as we see him attack protesters, even killing at least ninety-five percent of them. As Dan wonders what happened to “The American Dream,” that monster is laid to rest and hopefully is burning in hell. We then find “Rorschach” comes across former Supervillain, “Moloch," played by Matt Frewer, as he recalls his last meeting with “The Comedian” as he admits he’s done some wrong things. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
I could print out a list that could go back and forth between here and Hollywood one Decaquadrillion times about the wrong things you did, Laughing boy. (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
“Rorschach” continues his investigation into the death we soon see, OH MY! (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
I wouldn’t show that to anyone, even if there is context. (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We then find Dr. Manhattan at work while working on pleasuring Laurie. Dr. Manhattan tells Laurie that she is the only link to keep him on Earth as we get Dr. Manhattan on an Interview just as Laurie and Dan can hold their own against a group of thugs who thought they would stop them. Just as Dr. Manhattan is shown, one of his past problems led to his ex having cancer. Upset at this, Dr. Manhattan decides to go to Mars; we get his backstory as he was a guy named Dr. Jon Osterman and was pelted with energy that disintegrated him from his human form into what he is now and where he is now, which is buck-naked and building something on Mars saying “It’s too late.” Meanwhile, N***n is planning to drop the nukes, and so is Russia. Meanwhile, “Ozymandias” is attacked as he continues his actions that could lead everyone to ruination, and the assassin, instead of saying who oversees the murders, offs himself. Meanwhile, Laurie and Dan decide to move together just as “Rorschach” continues to investigate what is going on, leading him back to “Moloch” and is set up for his murder and is taken into the custody of a Federal Correctional Facility and we’re getting into his Backstory as to how he became “Rorschach.” (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
I’m noticing a pattern of knowing who the superheroes are through backstory as we creep toward the end of humanity. Interesting. (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After brutally murdering a monster that raped and killed an innocent kid, the man behind the mask of “Rorschach” realized what he needed to become to get his point across and shows he’s going to be the Alpha inmate at this prison. Meanwhile, Laurie and Dan continue to get close together, and we discover how Dan became the “Nite-Owl,” this time without the backstory. And as we see the two get closer, “Rorschach” continues to be threatened by lesser inmates. Meanwhile, after a messed-up dream with Dan, Dan thinks about suiting up and getting back to work as “Nite-Owl,” and Laurie gets back to work as “Silk Spectre.” (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Even though that suit looks like Latex and Spandex combined. (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The two rescue a family from nearly being burned in a fire and then decide to celebrate with more “Pleasure.” “Rorschach” continues to be able to fight off his lesser convicts as Laurie and Dan break him out, saving God knows how many convicts from being massacred by that guy believing that something isn’t Pareve about the situation. As Dan and “Rorschach” continue the investigation, Laurie is taken by Dr. Manhattan to Mars as she tries to convince him to come back and, in that time, Laurie discovers that “The Comedian” is her father and that the man behind the murders is in fact “Ozymandias.” Knowing the guy is at his Antarctic headquarters with his pet Bubastis, our heroes decide to confront him, leading everyone to try to confront and stop him. While “Ozymandias” admits his complicity in the events of “Dr. Manhattan’s” exile, his staged attempt on his life, and the murder of “The Comedian.” (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
The last one, I would forgive him for. (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Fighting off “Ozymandias” is only a distraction as he activates “Dr. Manhattan’s” device, killing fifteen million people and making everyone unite on a common enemy. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
This leads to the infamous original “Atop The Fourth Wall” lyric line, “They made “Watchmen” without the slimy squid.” In the graphic novel, it was a device that transported a squid from another universe that killed innocent people and made everyone unite, wondering where it came from and who could save us from that thing that united us on the common threat. While Linkara probably will not forgive Zack Snyder for many of the crimes towards DC properties, this might be his first and worst sin towards Comic Books and DC Fans. (Cut to “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
While everyone decides to keep what they know a secret, “Rorschach” can’t live without knowing what they did to make this world happen. Forcing “Dr. Manhattan” to kill him so he didn’t spill the beans. Turning “Rorschach” into a Rorschach and leaving the scent of pine is interesting, especially since we’re in the Antarctic. Pissed that “Rorschach” was killed for nothing, “Nite-Owl” calls out “Ozymandias” for what he had done. Our movie ends with Laurie coming to grips with her parentage and dating Dan, “Dr. Manhattan” decides to leave for Galaxies unknown, a New York tabloid editor sad that there’s no news to write about, and a staff member discovering “Rorschach’s Journal” and thinks it might be great for publication. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was “Watchmen,” Warning sign number one as to who would win in the Comic Book media wars! (Cut to clips of “Watchmen” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
I will admit there was some good in this adaptation. I loved how close to the source material this movie was; the cast was well-cast, and the roles performed well. The writing was as close to the source material as possible, and the style was close to the source material. This was great and worth watching. The problem was Snyder. Yes, while he did well with this and “300,” it really told Warner Brothers that Zack Snyder could be the one to lead DC against the then-growing juggernaut that became the Marvel Cinematic Universe. However, their efforts showed that putting their faith in Zack was ill-advised. As his style showed, Darker Superhero stories like “Invincible” and Amazon’s “The Boys” could show the heroes that we’re supposed to look up to for inspiration are not the people we should be. It could successfully show Alan Moore’s idea for “Watchmen.” The heroes with powers who do good for the sake of good cannot be good and must be shunned by society, which I disagree with. Heroes with powers who do good ALWAYS do good not because they have the powers; the powers are tools. Heroes with powers who do good do it because it is right! It is decent because it is kindness to those in need. If his plans for “Watchmen” were to destroy the Comic Book Superhero, it just showed a need for true Superheroes. This is why DC’s movies have not done as well, and Marvel has held strong as the Superhero movie juggernaut. However, if James Gunn can reverse DC’s Fortunes, I wish him the best! (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and I think you know the rest. (James walks away. Cut to hours later as James works out the few tiny details for him to write and direct a “Change The Channel” movie and cast the actors for it.)
TLOTA:
Okay, ORAC, send the message out.
ORAC (Audio only):
Done, James. May I suggest you take a break?
TLOTA:
I appreciate that idea, but I can’t pay rent without content! Without this job I have coming up with A24, I can’t keep the utilities going. I should go on vacation, but I lost so much the last time it happened. (Cut to a photo of James, his family, and the “Life As A Mermaid” cast in 2018. Cut to James as he looks at his monitor.) Besides, if I ever take another vacation or have a moment of happiness ever again, the other shoe will always be there to drop, then kick me back to the bottom of the barrel where I belong. (A ding is heard as it cuts to a monitor. James checks his online dating profile, and a message says, “Always looking on the aphotoc side of the coin, aren’t we.” Cut to James as he tries to type, and the message ding is heard as the message is shown saying, “What the Hell?” is what you were about to type, wasn’t it.” Cut to James as he types, “Yeah, why shouldn’t I? I’m...” the message ding is heard as a message is shown: “Public enemy number one on the Internet? A monster hated by the brainwashed masses? A broken and worthless fool with nothing to show for all his hard work? A man who will have no one to be within his moments of sorrows and joys?” Cease me when I get warm.” Cut to James as he types and writes, “You’re right on the nose.” A message ding as a message says “The recent losses you suffered were meant to happen, I had to gain access to the amulet, I had to destroy your reputation, I had to break you and Alex apart, I had to get you here. To ensure that your destiny was to be fulfilled.” Cut to James as he types, “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO DESTROY MY LIFE?! EVERYTHING I WANTED IS GONE! HOW DARE YOU COME AND SAY THAT TO ME! I WANT TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE! THANKS TO YOU, I STAND ALONE, BROKEN, DEFEATED BY A WORLD THAT CONSIDERS ME AS A PERSON WHO HAS LOST EVERYTHING! DROP FUCKING DEAD! I HATE YOU AS MUCH AS THE INTERNET AND THE WORLD HATE ME! MY DESTINY WAS SET IN STONE! NOW IT’S GONE AND MY FUTURE IS DESTROYED!” A message ding is heard, and a message says, “You may feel that way about me, but when we meet, you will need me to help you. You may believe that your destiny has been destroyed, but things...” Cut to James as he types, “Will get better with time?” “I’m 42, my oldest brother, unborn nephew, and father died, and my nieces' grandparents on their mother’s side have passed away as well. I lost the woman I loved, and she is now a part of the Sirensha pod; my career is destroyed, my personal life is over, and you were the force behind it. When we meet, I will not think twice. I will destroy you. I know I cannot change what you have done, but even I am aware your death will not heal what you’ve done. Then foolishly hope that I can make things right with the little time in my life I have left!” James then shuts off the dating site.)
TLOTA:
ORAC, run a virus scan on all sites I have been on and all the computers. My digital doppelganger had one last surprise: I want to be ready.
ORAC:
I have done so; nothing is left from the digital duplication. Whoever is sending you the messages is probably someone who has been keeping track of everything you’ve been through.
TLOTA:
Well, if he or she or whatever it is has, I will gladly repay them for what they’ve done by doing the same to them. (James’ smartphone dings, and as a message pops up, it reads, “Your anger will be your undoing; so much more is coming, and you must be ready for it.” Cut to James as he throws it onto a couch and angrily walks away. Fade to black)
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