(Scene begins with a knock at the door of James’ studio as James opens the door and takes the package and James goes running in glee as Julia Alexa Miller and the others in Team TLOTA watch James's beat Sonic in terms of Speed as he goes to the work lab. Cut to James taking off his Glasses, placing his Sonic Screwdriver and Morpher and James de-morphs back to being James on the same table and connecting them to a device that can wirelessly charge a device and a case containing something important as he sees the Glasses, Sonic Screwdriver and Morpher be consumed by nanites and soon a green bar shows a full charge on the devices. James opens the case to reveal new glasses and a smart phone. James inputs the code on the smart phone app and morphs back to being James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and as he turns, he sees everyone looking at what he did. Cut to James looking confused)
TLOTA:
What? (Cut to everyone else)
Paulo Fonseca:
All that running around, and that is what you’ve done. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
I’ve been meaning to A) Streamline the timeframe it takes for me to getting going and B) update a lot of my tech. The morpher is a few years old and I’ve been meaning to make a new one, the sonic screwdriver has needed updating, and my glasses are starting to fall apart. And this is a great advancement of everything. (Cut to everyone else)
Rebecca Yaun:
So your phone has Sonic capabilities, can help you morph into what you are now, and your arsenal is gone. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Technically, I can open my app on the smart phone and morph and collect what I need, even my updated Sonic Screwdriver. Look, I meant to do this a couple of years ago, but we all know what the past few years have been like, in no small thanks to Chad! But the point is that we’re finally moving forward, especially with the (Cut to Paulo, Rebecca, Nick and Brenda saying, “OH NO!” Cut to James) Super (Cut to John Ross and Mike Santos saying “Here” Cut to James) Awesome (Cut to Andrew Beach and Ed Champion saying “We”. Cut to James) Cool (Cut to Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, & Olivia Horvath saying “Go”. Cut to James) New (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller & Chad Narducci saying “AGAIN!”. Cut to James) INTRO! (Cut to everyone pouncing and attacking James as the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal, and it cuts to different images of James as the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown as it then slides away to different images of John Ross and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Ed Champion as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion” is shown as it then slides away to different images of Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions. Edited by Eric Kurtzke and Paulo Fonseca. Written and directed by James Faraci” as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an outlined image of James as he morphs into “The Last Of The Americans” and lands with half of his team on his right and the other half on his left on a white background and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays. Cut to a basement apartment in Brooklyn as two brothers dressed in Mario and Luigi’s overalls played by Eric Kurtzke and Paulo Fonseca as they prepare their TV and Internet to get connected and they wait for someone.)
Linguini (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
Hey-ey Tonio! So, when will that guy come and hook us up!
Tonio (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
Relax Linguini, he’s coming (8-Bit footsteps are heard), As a matter of fact here he comes now. (Cut to the door at the top of funky looking stairs as canned applause is heard and James Faraci The Last Of The Americans enters through the door)
TLOTA:
Hey Paisanos, I got the device you needed for streaming. (Super Mario movement sounds are heard as James goes down the stairs and connects the device to the TV) There you are, now you’re ready to stream. What exactly will you guys be checking out first? (Cut to “Tonio” & “Linguini” as they look at each other and the scene cuts to the Screen showing The “Nintendo”/” Illumination” logos are shown then “The Super Mario Bros. Movie” as it then cuts to James, “Tonio” & “Linguini” in chairs as the three settles in to watch the movie.) Might as well hit this power up! (James punches up and a block is revealed, and the word “SPOILERS” is shown over James’ head as it cuts to recreated scenes from the movie with Team TLOTA playing the characters as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Well, this is it, the movie that we have been waiting Thirty years for! A new Super Mario Brothers Movie and its 3D Animation and has a celebrity voice cast. But is it worth the wait? Will this make up for its Live-Action counterpart? (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any time, this is “The Super Mario Bros. Movie” (Cut to recreated scenes from the movie with Team TLOTA playing the characters as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The Movie opens in the Mushroom Kingdom as King Bowser of the Koopas, voiced by Jack Black, as he attacks a part of the Mushroom Kingdom which is a kingdom of Penguins as he grabs the Super Star, and his plan is to do what exactly?
King Bowser of The Koopas (As played by Chris Lee Moore):
I plan to marry Princess Peach! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Che Cosa? (Cut to King Bowzer of The Koopas)
King Bowser of The Koopas:
You heard me drain brain! She will marry me, or she can kiss her entire Mushroom Kingdom goodbye! (Cut to recreated scenes from the movie with Team TLOTA playing the characters as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We then cut to Brooklyn, as we meet The Mario Brothers in Brooklyn which is now giving me Vietnam flashbacks to the 1993 movie as we see Mario, voiced by Chris Pratt and Luigi, voiced by Charlie Day as they show their new ad as Plumbing brothers! One job having gone down the drain and the two come home feeling down about their first job going about as well as my first attempt to play the latest Mario Kart game. However, their family primarily their father, voiced by the real Mario voice, Charles Martinet, finds their new vocation not to his plate of pasta! Soon enough, the two find the warp zone while they were working on a drain, and in a second’s span, they’re in the Mushroom Land, however they don’t land together as Luigi finds himself in the dark world and a prisoner of Bowser and Mario finds himself in the Mushroom Kingdom and he comes upon Toad voiced by Keegan-Michael Key and Princess Peach voiced by Anna Taylor-Joy. (Cut to James, “Tonio” & “Linguini”)
“Tonio”:
So what’s up with the celebrities?!
“Linguini”:
Aren’t there that many voiceover actors to play the characters? (Cut to a paused cut scene as the “Lindsay Naegel”-Esque Executive come in with Hollywood BS as to why there are few voiceover actors then cuts back as “Tonio” hands James a fire flower. James touches it and then gets Fire shooting power then tosses a fire ball that reduces her to a pile of ashes as the Super Mario Brothers Death theme from the first Video game. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Look, I get that to get a big audience you need some names to bring people in, but IT’S SUPER MARIO BROTHERS! (Cut to video game play of the Super Mario Brothers video games as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
This is the one place that I MUST agree with the franchise's fans. Charles Martinet and others have been bringing Mario to life in Video Games and the Animated series from the past and for the most part outside of Captain Lou Albano and Danny Wells were relatively unknown outside of playing the roles of Mario and Luigi! This could’ve been a voice actor’s dream movie. I really feel that while yes, Celebrities equal money signs, Mario, Luigi and everyone else in the Mario Franchise are Celebrities in their own rights. But I am not going to base my thoughts on the performances of the actors, NOT on what celebrities are like in real life. (Cut to recreated scenes from the movie with Team TLOTA playing the characters as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Luigi is soon thrown into a cell with other well-known characters from the Super Mario franchise as Mario is trained by The Princess to... (A Group of annoyingly irritating babymen are screaming “STOP!”)
Babyman 1 (Played by John Ross Santos):
MARIO IS SUPPOSED TO BE AWESOME AND THE PRINCESS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS! (Cut to the other babymen shout “Yeah!” and as they continue to be annoying the scene cuts to James as grabs a box that he sends the babymen a B-Bomb! The Babymen shout “IT’S A B-BOMB!” as it goes off and a life loss sound from “Super Mario Brothers 2 (The Doki Doki Panic Cloned Version)” then a the sound of Mario pipe Warp heard as a Warp zone tunnel cuts to recreated scenes from the movie with Team TLOTA playing the characters as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
At ANY RATE, Princess Peach shows Mario how to survive the trek as she and Mario are setting off to the Jungle Kingdom to convince the Kong Army to help them save the entire Kingdom, also joining them is Toad. However, the only way for the King of Kongs will help is if someone can beat his son Donkey Kong played by Seth Rogen and Mario steps up only to get his brains scrambled but still has the wherewithal to see the Power Ups and use them, eventually using the Catsuit, (Show Mario in a sexy catgirl suit) Eh Wrong one. (Show Mario in the Video Game catsuit power up from the Mario Games) There we go, and he soundly kicks the Donkey crap out of Donkey Kong! Now convinced that they have the element of surprise because they can get to The Mushroom Kingdom before Bowser. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And before we continue further, let’s check in on Luigi! (Cut to Luigi as he sits in his cage hearing the blue Luma being happy that death awaits them)
Luigi (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
You know, if-a Mario doesn’t get here soon, I may agree with that blue pile of merda! (Cut to a Warp zone tunnel as it cuts to recreated scenes from the movie with Team TLOTA playing the characters as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Mario, The Princess and Toad decide to make their Karts as they hit the Rainbow Road with the entire Kong Army, however Bowser isn’t a dumb reptile, he sends his Koopa riders as this movie goes Fury Road, MARIO STYLE! And even Princess Peach... (A Group of annoyingly irritating babymen are screaming “STOP!” as it cuts to them in one big kart as they show the Cardboard cutout of the lame Princess Peach that was so used to being Kidnapped)
Babyman 1 (Played by John Ross Santos):
WE WILL NOT LET PRINCESS PEACH BE BADASS! (Cut to a very frustrated James)
TLOTA:
OKAY, FOLKS! THAT’S IT! I HAVE HAD ALL I CAN STAND FROM THOSE CHUDS, AND I CAN STAND NO GOT-DANG MORE! (James grabs Mario Kart power-ups as he dives headfirst into the movie and lands right on the Babymen Kart) YOU LITTLE (sound of Mario getting the death hit from Super Mario Bros.) ARE REALLY (sound of Mario getting the death hit from Super Mario Bros.) ME OFF! (James pulls out a lightning bolt power up that shrinks one of the babymen played by Ed Champion and James stomps him out! James shoves a Blue Mushroom to a babyman played by Chad Narducci, up his ass, he shrinks and flicks him like a flea and he does a micro-sounded Wilhelm Scream as he lands deep in the void! James tosses a Piranha Plant, and it goes to town on the remaining Babymen! James takes control of the kart tossing the cardboard cutout into the void!) So yeah, this moment is so cool and seeing how I play Mario Kart as a reliever in college, it is fun being here! But I digress, it looks like smooth sailing on the Rainbow Road for Princess Peach and everyone else until... OH (the sound of Mario getting the death hit from Super Mario Bros.) ME!
Princess Peach (Played by Rebecca Yaun):
What the...? HOLY (the sound of Mario getting the death hit from Super Mario Bros.) IT’S A... (A Whistling sound is heard as everyone shouts, “BLUE SHELL!” As Princess Peach and Toad (Played in the recreations by John Ross Santos) BARELY make it past the Blast from the Blue Shell, while Mario (Played in the Recreation by Paulo Fonseca), Donkey Kong (Played in the Recreation by Ed Champion), and James plummet to the Ocean under the Rainbow Road. The Three get up to buoyancy.)
TLOTA:
WE SURVIVED! WE SURVIVED! WAHOO! (A gigantic Maw-Ray awakens over the three) OF COURSE! (The Maw-Ray swallows the three and quickly goes back down to the bottom of the ocean with nine bubbles rhythmically coming up to the sound of a life loss sound from “Super Mario Brothers 3” is heard. Fade to black as it cuts to recreated scenes from the movie with Team TLOTA playing the characters as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
While Mario, Donkey Kong, and I face getting digested inside an oceanic creature based on the size of this beast. Princess Peach gets every individual from the Kingdom and, with no other option, is forced to accept Bowser’s proposal! (Cut to the inside of the Maw-Ray)
TLOTA:
Meanwhile, we’re stuck in here wondering how we will fix this mess! CAN YOU TWO IMBICLES PIPE DOWN! Because if you don’t... (James kicks the Maw-Ray, and it rumbles and makes a small belch.) Are you two thinking what I’m Thinking?
Donkey Kong (Played by Ed Champion):
We think so.
Mario (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
If we can A) stimulate this thing and B) Use the last rocket on Donkey’s Kart and get to the Mushroom Kingdom at ludicrous speed! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
That’s exactly what I was thinking, not how much I am going to burn Kate Gosselin for being the Alpha Karen that basically caused Tsouris for any man in a “Reality Checkout” later this year, OH (double sound of Mario getting the death hit from Super Mario Bros.) IT! I JUST DID A PROMO, DX STYLE, LET’S JUST GET (sound of Mario getting the death hit from Super Mario Bros.)...ING GOING! (Cut to the top of the ocean as we see a Barrel rocket as Mario shouts “WAHOO!” with Donkey Kong hanging on and James BARELY holding on to the fin of the rocket and using Binoculars.) TO THE RIGHT! BOWSER’S SHIP IS THAT WAY AND IT LOOKS LIKE WE MAY BE IN TROUBLE! MARIO! YOUR BROTHER IS ABOUT TO BECOME BARBEQUED! THE PRINCESS IS GETTING MARRIED TO BOWSER, AND I THINK TOAD SLIPPED SOMETHING INTO THE BOUQUET! (Cut to the ceremony as Princess Peach kicks Bowser away and pulls out the Ice Flower which gives her ice powers and uses it to shut the babymen up, freeze the gears to the cages that are lowering into lava and encase Bowser in a glacier! Cut to James as he starts to raise the cages up out of the lava, and everyone reunites on the ship as Bowser starts to get angry and breaks through the ice!
Bowser:
OKAY YOU SEWER SUCKING SHRIMP SCALLOPED SCUM! NOW I’M GOING TO LAY WASTE TO THE ENTIRE MUSHROOM KINGDOM! MEGA BULLET BILL, FIRE! (A loud explosion erupts from the ship as James pulls out two Power Ups.
TLOTA:
P-Wing Power Up for me and Tanuki Suit Power Up for you Mario! Let’s go! (The two activate their Power Ups as James and Mario get Mega Bullet Bill’s Attention!) Well to quote the late Tony Stark; “Well, we got its attention, What the (sound of Mario getting the death hit from Super Mario Bros.) was step two?” (Mario and James fly through the Mushroom Kingdom as Mario has a look in his eye.)
Mario:
Hey-ey James, I got an Idea! (Whistles) Hey, Lead brain! Your mama was a Hammerhead! (Raspberries! That sets The Mega Bullet Bill off even further as it cuts to James floating over the same Warp Zone that brought Mario and Luigi to the Mushroom Kingdom!)
TLOTA:
This better work Mario! (The Mega Bullet Bill zooms towards James as Mario grabs him and gets James out of the way of the Mega Bullet Bill as it is forced through the Warp pipe and explodes in the middle of the Warp as it sucks everything in) OH (WARP ZONE GLUG) ME! (Mario and James lose their Power Ups as everything is dragged through the Warp Zone Pipe as everything goes to black as it cuts back to Tonio and Linguini)
Linguini:
Hey-ey Tonio! What happened to the movie?
Tonio:
Well let’s check the connect...(A Rumbling is heard and felt with a loud kaboom and a series of loud screams) UH-OH!
Linguini:
Uh-Oh? Uh listen Tonio, before we go out there, let’s see what James has in store for next time. (Cut to James looking confused as he is in his office)
TLOTA:
I plan on talking about The Power Rangers 30th Anniversary special next week. Can We get back to the review at hand? (Cut to the Tonios as they open the door and we cut to everything from the movie and James being disorientated. Cut to Bowser)
Bowser:
Okay if I can’t have The Mushroom Kingdom, I’ll lay waste to this no-good stinkin’ planet! (Cut to Tonio and Linguini as they say “UH-OH!” in unison! Cut to Bowser as he starts to build up a fire ball to waste James, Mario, Tonio, Luigi, & Linguini as suddenly everyone in Brooklyn start to throw everything they have at Bowser! Brooklynites scream that they stand united with James, Tonio & Linguini, AND Mario & Luigi and start to fight off the Goombas and The Koopa Troopers! Cut to James)
TLOTA:
BROOKLYN! IT’S FANTASTIC! (James turn and see the Super Star) GUYS! THE STAR! It’s the only Power Up that can defeat Bowser! GRAB IT BEFORE HE DOES! (Tonio & Linguini and Mario & Luigi run for the star as Bowser start to plow through the Brooklynites and it looks like James, The Marios and the Tonios are Barbequed. As the flames recede, we see James having set up a magical shield. Cut to Bowser.)
Bowser:
What in the scaly blue B-Bomb remnants is happening. (Cut to James as he lowers his shield.)
TLOTA:
Didn’t anyone tell you about the magic of movies? I’ve been using that to power my abilities. Now, I believe my friends have something to help stop you! (The Camera shifts to see the four grab the Super Star and they get powered up and step in front of James as everyone else in Brooklyn, including the Police and all the armed forces.) Is this everyone in Brooklyn? (Cut to Mariska Hargitay, Ice-T, and the cast from “Law & Order: SVU”)
Ice-T:
You wanted more? (The Marios and The Tonios move closer to the battlefront with James and everyone else. Cut to Bowser)
Bowser:
Koopa Trooper Packs! ATTACK! (Cut to Marios, Tonios, and everyone in Brooklyn!)
TLOTA:
Wait for it! (The Koopa Trooper Packs come closer. Cut to James) Wait for it! (The Troopa Kooper Packs are as close as they can get.) BROOKLYN! Let’s-A Go! (Everyone rushes towards another as The Marios and Tonios come rushing towards Bowser while James grabs a Koopa Trooper and starts to wail at Goombas, Incredible Hulk in “The Avengers” on Loki Style as Ice-T mans up and shoots a Blue Shelled Koopa and tosses it at every Piranha plant as Ryan Buggle grabs a fire flower Power Up and starts shouting “HONOR” as he fires upon the Spiked Koopas and Ice-T tells Ryan “Wrong franchise, Little man, This is The Super Mario Brothers. But I like the sentiment!” Meanwhile the Marios and Tonio start to wail on Bowser and finshes him off like in the recent game by grabbing him by the tail and tossing him and punching him while in mid-air and James pulls out the Blue Mushroom and hurls it towards Bowser’s screaming Throat and he shrinks down and James grabs, then tosses a PokeBall and captures Bowser!) ALL RIGHT! I CAPTURED A BOWSER! (A Silence so deafening that Crickets only chirp once or twice as it cuts to Everyone in Brooklyn giving him the “Are you serious?!” Look. Cut to James) I know wrong franchise, but Nintendo does have the license for it, so it counts as good enough for Government work. (Cut to everyone as they celebrate. Cut to James, The Marios and The Tonios as they celebrate.)
TLOTA:
So, Mario, you and Luigi saved The Mushroom Kingdom, Brooklyn, and subsequently the world. What will you do now that you’re heroes?
Mario:
Simple, we work and live in between Brooklyn and The Mushroom Kingdom!
TLOTA:
Works for me. (Cut to recreated scenes from the movie with Team TLOTA playing the characters as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
So that was the 2023 Super Mario Brothers Movie, and I will be honest, it was the most fun I’ve had all year. The voice acting while yes, I wished had more voice actors than actual actors but they’re a minor misstep. The animation felt like the video game, the story was as original and creative as the movie that came out in 1993 and even though I had some moments of thoughts where I was remembering that movie, I actually felt this was just as great as the video game. If you’re a Super Mario Brothers fan, you’re going to love the movie, the easter eggs and everything about this movie. If you have kids and they love Super Mario Bros. They'll love a lot of what is happening. I strongly recommend that you check out this movie in Theaters, or when it comes to Blu-Ray & Digital. It’s a fun movie for everyone and I suggest everyone give it a watch and enjoy a wild trip. (Cut to James and everyone in Brooklyn as the Super Mario Instrumental plays)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and until next time everybody...(The camera pulls back as everyone shouts “DO THE MARIO!” as it fades to Black then cuts to James, Rowdy, and Team TLOTA as they Do “The Mario” as the song “Do The Mario” from the end credits of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show and it cuts to black.)
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