(Camera turns on and James grabs the title card and hums “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It & I Feel Fine” for five seconds as James shows his handmade title card of a Nuclear explosion and the words “The End Of The World” and James puts it on the desk.)
TLOTA:
I’m The Last Of The Americans, and the views I’m about to express, whatever. A lot of people, when they saw my review of “The Day After,” were upset that somehow, I would be against my Christian beliefs that this is a sign that Jesus will heal us after we’ve been hurt, and the Nuclear Blast was the way the rapture began. For those wondering, The Rapture was the belief that those who truly believed in God and Jesus would be saved and go to heaven. Those who were left would await the return of Jesus and join him in his final seven-year battle against the Anti-Christ. When Jesus won, it’d be up to us to rebuild society with him ruling over us. So, let’s have Hollywood take and turn the concept into a 420 comedy! Oy Gevalt! (James sets up a portable Blu-Ray/DVD player as he gets it to the main menu) “This Is The End” was based on a short film called “Jay and Seth Vs. The Apocalypse.” And seeing as how this is a Seth Rogen comedy, it’s full of drug references, celebrities, and the usual type of shit in a Seth Rogen comedy. So, let’s see what it is like (James puts the camera on the screen. James hits the play button.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens as we see Seth Rogen’s character awaiting his friend at LAX, and he’s playing…
(James pulls the camera away to him as he tries to look up anything he can on the vague amount of internet he can use)
TLOTA:
Well, Son of a bitch! Seth Rogen is playing a characterized version of himself and everyone else in this movie. Okay. (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Jay Baruchel arrives, and he and Seth say hello; they head to his place, where they play games, get drunk, and get baked like brownies! After doing that for an entire afternoon, Seth invites Jay to a housewarming at James Franco’s place, where Jay and Seth meet with Mindy Kaling, Michael Cera, and so many others, including Rihanna, Jonah Hill, Kevin Hart, and Mr. Craig Robinson. Seth and James discuss what to do for a sequel to one of their more well-known comedies called “Pineapple Express.” After some time at the party, Jay wants to buy a pack of cigarettes. Jay and Seth complain about Jonah, and Jay decides to find his way back to Seth’s (Show the start of the Rapture as several innocent people are teleported to heaven at warp speed as Jay and Seth escape the chaos in Downtown L.A.) Making it back to James Franco’s, they bring the apocalypse with them as a sinkhole opens outside of the house, killing ninety-eight percent of James’ guests; the other two percent either escaped or made it back inside, and those that made it happens to be Craig, Seth, Jay & Jonah. After assessing the damage and collecting all the water, drinkable liquids, food, and recreational drugs, these stoners can get their hands on. They call it a night. (James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
That sounds like a good idea, but I can’t sleep, not if there’s going to be… (Power starts to flicker) Yeah, again, I must step away and hope I can get back on this frequency. (A blank screen stands for thirty seconds. James clicks the camera back on.) Okay, Power has been restored, I got back on this frequency, and let me reset where we were when the power started to flicker, and here we go! (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The morning after, James Franco and the others are surprised as Danny McBride wastes most of the food and all the water and doesn’t believe any of the shit they’re talking about as Brian Huskey puts his head into James Franco’s as a demon decides that Huskey cannot be the one! (Danny McBride shouts, “THIS IS REAL! THIS IS FUCKING REAL!” James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
NO SHIT SHERLOCK! Huskey just lost his head! The rest of him is demon chow! Fucking A! (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After playing Hacky Sack with his head, everyone looks at the devastation. After a brief bit, Jay tells everyone that what’s going on is the Biblical Apocalypse. (Show bit of Jay as he tells them about the Biblical Apocalypse. The movie continues.) After being told that his beliefs are bullshit, they call him out on his beliefs being called bullshit. As the time goes on, everyone slowly gets on everyone’s nerves. In a conversation between Seth and James, James tells Seth about a secret stash of food he has had. Eventually, they decide to do all the pot and pills and do a rough draft filming of “Pineapple Express 2: Blood Red.” Just as Emma Watson finds her way back to Franco’s for a moment to rest, speaking from experience, rest at the end of the world is NOT a good idea! Eventually, one misunderstood conversation sends Emma into a foaming craze, taking everything and taking her chances outside Franco’s place! Smart move there, Emma! Eventually they all vote as to who will get the spare water from Franco’s basement, and sadly, Craig gets the short and burned end of the stick. Seeing what is out there and not knowing the others screwed up in trying to keep Craig safe. Franco tells the others that if they cut through the floor, they’d get to the basement and get the water. Working in shifts, everyone works on the floor to get the water. Jay and Craig quickly discuss trying to save themselves even during the apocalypse. After an argument about a porno magazine, Danny walks away. Jay and Seth try to help each other when the ground falls beneath them, literally. Winding up in the basement, the two find the water. However tired of the rules he must abide by, Danny screws them out of the water, and the others give him the boot! But Danny finally calls them out! (Show clip of Danny McBride as he tells them off and exposes Jay for coming to L.A. three months earlier and asking Danny not to say anything to Seth. James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
Wow, that’s all I can say! Danny McBride may have been an asshole in the movie, but when he told them all off, he was honest about how big an asshole he is, as much as he told how big an asshole the others are. (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.):
With their friendship and all the bonds they have been trying to build now officially kaput, everyone finds themselves trying to work together against their own “better judgments” as Jonah gets ass raped by a demon and becomes slowly possessed by a demonic spirit, Seth is voted to go get supplies and water which he turns down. With relationships between him and Jay at a breaking point, Seth tells Jay off and orders him to get the water. Craig joins him so that way they get plenty of supplies. As Seth feels some remorse for his actions, Jay and Craig make their way to a house as James and Seth face off with a now fully possessed Jonah Hill. Meanwhile, Jay and Craig see a demon dog that would give the Ghostbusters nightmares, Jay, Craig, Seth, and James get back together and tie Jonah down. Admitting they sinned, the four decide to perform an exorcism on Jonah, which goes hilariously wrong as Seth and Jay decide while dealing with the possessed Jonah Hill, and James’ secret stash of food is revealed. However, bad feelings towards one another and lying about a secret stash of food must wait as Jonah Hill is possessed, and his ass is on fire, literally! (James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
Yeah, bad timing all around! (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.):
With James Franco’s house now a burning pile of cinders, and they’re out in the open, Jay, James, Seth, and Craig decide to hightail it out of dodge as a demon finds them. Craig volunteers to distract the demon so the others can get away, and to his and everyone else’s surprise, Craig’s sacrifice leads him to be redeemed and raptured up to heaven. Realizing that, they try their best to figure out how to get raptured themselves. (James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
Good luck there, you three stoned-out stooges! (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.):
However, a group of cannibalistic psychotics find them and take them to their leader, who happens to be Danny McBride! Yeah, a day after getting thrown out of Franco’s, he becomes the leader of a group of cannibals and has made Channing Tatum his personal pet! James Franco tries to sacrifice himself so Jay & Seth can escape and is about to be raptured when his ego and pride put the kibosh on that, and he’s now cannibal chow! Jay & Seth realize they’re six hundred and sixty-six different flavors of screwed as the dark lord himself has arrived. Deciding that he’s been a complete asshole and admitting that Jay is redeemed, and decides to bring Seth with him to be raptured. The problem is that Seth is dragging his old friend back down when Seth decides to sacrifice himself and somehow redeems Seth and is raptured himself. The movie ends with Jay, Craig, and Seth in Heaven enjoying the “Good Life” in “The Good Place” with The Backstreet Boys. (Show ending of “This is The End”, James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
So that was “This Is The End”, possibly the most fictional version of what should be happening, but it isn’t. I liked a lot of the meta-humor, the story that even in the darkest parts of our lives, we can still be redeemed, the survival aspects, the bits of drama, and if you want something really fictional right now, which is that we can be redeemed and hope then, enjoy this character study comedy about the end of the world is for you. (Power Flickers again), Now I must go; it looks like I’ve got to stabilize the power. See everyone soon. I’m James, Last Of The Americans, signing off! (Camera shuts off)
