Which Way To "WitchHaven"?

(A Black Background with flashes of White before the words “THE ROAD SO FAR…”  “Carry On My Wayward Son” by Anthrax plays in the foreground as clips from every secondary October/Halloween adventure before cutting to James and The Team Lineup of 2016 disappearing and a semi-angry David Copperfield shouting for James before fading to back to the black background and the word “NOW” is seen with a Black Flame before fading to see James in his office at his laptop computer and clicks on the link for "WitchHaven" then cutting to a Black Screen and the words "One Viewing Later" before cutting to James as he looks as his mind has been blown away)

TLOTA:
WOW! (Cut to a flaming Iris with the words “The Last Of The Americans” in the text used in “Supernatural” before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. You know it's amazing when the same group of people makes one amazingly awesome series but when they make two back to back, You can capture lightning in a bottle and that's amazing. (Cut to the Opening of WitchHaven before cutting to clips of the series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"WitchHaven" has the same creativity, energy, writing and great acting as "Life As A Mermaid" has and it's no surprise why that is. The reason being both shows are produced by the same production company Validus Productions and what I like the most is how it uses the right tropes from a Supernatural Detective Series flip and twist them and give us something new and unique. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

Now before I begin, I just wanted to let everyone know that like "Life As A Mermaid" the producers turned the season into a movie with every bit of footage from the season used. So let's grab a mug of our favorite brew. (James gets handed a warm spiced Apple Cider off screen) Thank you! Let's take a look at the first season of "WitchHaven" (James takes a sip of the cider before spitting it out then cutting to the series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
 We open up in Salem, Massachusetts during the time where it'd be considered wrong for a woman to do anything and not be considered a witch. Any way, we see a mother and daughter running as we see the daughter Emilia is played by Fleur Zanna. If you don't know who she is then might I suggest you check out Life As A Mermaid Season 3 for a refresher on who she is. But I digress. As the mother finds a book full of spells she tells Emilia to read a spell to get her out of there and out of harm when the local town folk corners them, it transport Emilia to Los Angeles in the year 2013. We then cut a mere five years later as Emilia has set up a private investigation firm with her friends Robert played by Ric Amaya and Joanna played by Audi Finn. While Robert complains there's no crime in a city that's been rocked by race riots, earthquakes, floods and other insane things happen that'd happen in a normal day in Los Angeles. But anyway Robert decides to take on a case which involves multiple disappearances. While that happens Emilia finds herself getting a page from the book that she read to get here and another one is found by a cloaked figure. (Cut to James shaking his head and going "Uh-oh! NO! NO!")

TLOTA:
Not again! Last time there were cloaked figures it went sideways in the MOST COLOSSAL OF WAYS! (James walks away for a second before returning) You guys thought I was really gonna shirk my responsibilities! You should know me better than that. (Cut to the series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So as that happens, Emilia tries the new spell on the page and it turns out to be a fireball spell (Show Emilia trying her fireball spell as it goes up before cutting to James as the fireball lands on James' desk and James running and getting a fire extinguisher and extinguishes the fire only to see his desk reduced to a smoldering pile of ashes)

TLOTA:
That's the second desk this year! I can't afford to keep replacing desks! (Cut to the series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So as that happens Robert looks at the latest attack, Joanna overhears him being attacked by... (Cut to James physically) 

TLOTA:
Who in the hell are they? (Cut to a still of the three as a sign saying "Wolfmen" appears and a ding is heard) Okay, not how I imagine Werewolves but eh different interpretations aren't a bad thing.(Cut to the series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Worried Robert might be in over his head Joanna calls Emilia who gets there lickety split and rescues Robert while Joanna fends off a pair of detectives. Stuck between a rock and a hard place Emilia exposes herself as a witch to Robert. Robert handles it well. Just as another page is found by a man who looks like he escape from the nuthouse and a walking mound of grass. Which by coincidence is their next case which has the three being called upon by someone who looks oddly familiar to me. Anyway it turns out the escaped mental asylum patient is actually going to replace that walking mound of grass so while Rob distracts Joanna, Emilia helps him transform into the walking mound of grass. Leading the three to their next case which involves a fair amount of reconnaissance work in which a girl believes her boyfriend is hooking up with a succubus! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay, Calling... Oh wait, he's no longer producing new episodes. Looks like you're on your own.  (Cut to the series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

No, I kid of course they take on the case! When it appears that the guy who is with someone who's into fairy roleplaying is trying to distance himself from their client because it turns out that the client IS the Succubus! Emilia tries a spell and does nothing and it looks like the end until... (Show clip of Joanna knocking out the Succubus with a toilet plunger before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay! Here's something I needed to know before I did this review and I asked two friends of mine who have seen "Supernatural" if the Winchester Brothers ever took on a Succubus and if so if they used a toilet plunger to take it down. They said "No". So Congrats there "WitchHaven" you actually did something more unique than a series that has been on the air since the WB was on it's last legs! That's impressive! (Cut to the series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

But the crux of the matter is that Joanna who had NOT discovered that Emilia is a witch discovers it and doesn't handle it at all walking away into a patch of woods which just screams "Blair Witch". Joanna is rescued by the figure with the page from earlier who happens to be a witch herself named Atara played by Michelle Nordlander who takes Joanna to her tent as Atara makes a call to Emilia and Robert and they discover Joanna is okay thankfully and Atara knew Emilia's mother and is the keeper of the pages of... THE GRIMOIRE?! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

ORAC! Please contact my brother at First Choice Contracting!

ORAC (Audio only):

Ten seconds ahead of you, he'll be here by the end of the review for the repairs.

TLOTA:
Thank you! RUN AWAY! (James leaps over the camera cuts to a hole in the wall as James shouts "RUN AWAY!" repeatedly before zooming back to see a cartoonish hole of James in the wall as he keeps screaming before cutting to clips of "Charmed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
For those unaware, I watched the series "Charmed" when it was on the WB before this Reboot happened. While I wasn't a huge fan of the series. I mean I have my favorite episodes. But anyway I remember hearing about how "The Grimoire" was in fact a book of pure EVIL and how it was used to coronate "The Source Of All EVIL"! So if "WitchHaven" made a reference to a book about Evil Magic, then guess what "WitchHaven" MY PANTS ARE OFFICIALLY DARKENED TO MIDNIGHT BLACK! (Cut to "WitchHaven"as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But back to the matters at hand! That night they go into Atara's Tent which just like the TARDIS... Well Twelveth Doctor take it away(Cut to clip of Doctor Who Episode "The Husbands Of River Song" as The 12th Doctor enters the TARDIS and his reaction before cutting back to "WitchHaven" as James continues his voiceover) As Emilia sees that Atara practically has the rest of the book save for the cover. Atara believes she can bring Emilia back home 325 years and the look on Audi's face says VOLUMES as if to say "You're over 325 years old! DANG! What do you do to keep yourself look that young!" But again digressing, Atara says that they need to rebuild The Grimoire. After Robert asks what will happen once The Grimoire is restored and Atara deflects the question. Joanne and Emilia try to patch things up while Robert investigates more and sees Atara do things to the remains of the walking grass just as the full moon rises and Robert goes all Shatner. (Show clip of Robert groaning and crying as James says "Spock!" in different Shatner-esque inflections before cutting to later on.) So while we wait for Robert to shout out "KHAN!". Atara senses Werewolves outside her TENTIS. Emilia and Atara go outside while Joanne finds Robert has become a Werewolf himself. Uh Joanne (Cut to Joanne running and James says "Nevermind!" before cutting to Emilia and Atara defending the TENTIS) Emilia sees Atara doing things she considers inhumane to the Werewolves and stops her from hurting them and realizes Atara is just wrong and protects Robert from being tormented by Atara. The two duke it out in a magical duel and Atara says for better or worse she will help her rebuild The Grimoire which ends with Emilia cloaking the team enough to escape Atara. As Joanne shows her friends she took the rest of the pages she comes to grips with what she's been through, the three decide to do more of the Paranormal Investigation as well as the private investigative work, Stop Atara and help Emilia find her way back home. And the season ends with investigators of a more Federal nature finding a mass from the deceased Walking Grass Creature. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that was the first season of "WitchHaven" and... it was pretty damned awesome! (Cut to clips of the series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

For a rookie season to be this incredible is a sign as to how the series will stand the test of time. The Writing easily is amazing. The Production Value is perfectly used. The acting is UBER-Strong and you can tell the series has a plan for future story arcs and seasons. I may review them further on down the road but for now I strongly suggest you check the series out on YouTube here : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs-AwoHV6uZjve78kqln8Sw  Give the series a watch and enjoy a new Halloween treat this year! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And speaking of Halloween treats, I've got to get making them for trick or treaters, a Family Friendly Haunted House and a party for the Adults after Eight P.M. Yeah, I'm that kind of Halloween enjoyer. James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion.

Maven, The Last Of The Americans and The Different Cuts of Blade Trinity

(A Black Background with flashes of White before the words “THE ROAD SO FAR…” is seen with a black flame around it as it cuts to James dressed as Dr. Insano as he sings “Monster Mash” before cutting to when The Maven Of The Eventide as she screams “SURPRISE!” before the cover of “Carry On My Wayward Son” by Anthrax plays in the foreground as clips from their encounters on Oct. 13^th play ranging from “The Top 13 Vampire Movies Better than The Twilight Saga” where she and James are looking at each other with James in shock and The Maven Of The Eventide with a look of determination on her face to the moment in which James and Lea Michele are resting in each other’s arms and Lea becomes a vampire scaring the hell out of James only to reveal that it had been a dream then cutting to “Breaking the curse of “The Twilight Saga” in which James gets his Man-Marbles smashed before it cuts to the middle of the brawl between the Internet Reviewers and the Cullens/Volturi as James then James and Rowdy teaming up with Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines as they finish off Edward and Bella before fading to back to the black background and the word “NOW” is seen with a Black Flame before fading into the boudoir of “The Maven Of The Eventide” as she sits and waits)

The Maven Of The Eventide:
Goooood Evening! I am Ze Maven Of Ze Eventide and Welcome to “Vampire Reviews” (Cut to the intro card of “Maven Of The Eventide Vampire Reviews” before cutting back to “The Maven Of The Eventide”) Tonight! I finally finish up my look at the “Blade” movies series with Blade Trinity. (A Pair of familiar looking sunglasses land perfectly in The Maven’s hand) Hmm, they’re black but these don’t look bad ass! (The Maven puts on the Sunglasses) WOW! What the… “Browser history”?!

TLOTA (Off-Screen):
WHOOPS! Meant to erase that! (A sonic screwdriver’s hum is heard before the tech in the sunglasses are shot and The Maven takes off the glasses just before they spark, and the tech is shot)

The Maven Of The Eventide:
Okay, who did that?

TLOTA (Off-Screen):
Over here! (The Camera pans to see James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA:
Hi! (Cut to The Maven Of The Eventide)

The Maven Of The Eventide:
MOTHER F… (Cut to a flaming Iris with the words “The Last Of The Americans” in the text used in “Supernatural” before cutting to James in The Maven Of The Eventide’s boudoir as things are being tossed and slamming noises are in the background as James sits in his chair ducking as some things go flying)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that we’re about to express are that of our own and some of yours! (The Maven Of The Eventide returns in a huff to her seat)

The Maven Of The Eventide:
Why the hell are you here?

TLOTA:
Well I heard from a couple of little birdies that you were having trouble on the third installment in the Blade Franchise AKA The one that killed it! (Cut to Paw and Grey as they try to hightail it out of harm’s way as The Maven Of The Eventide shouts “FREEZE!” before cutting back to James and Maven)

Maven:
Which of you two was it? (Cut to Paw & Grey)

Grey:
Daddy!

Paw:
Squealer! Let me explain. I knew this was driving you nuts, so I asked him to be a consultant. I didn’t expect him to come here. (Cut to James and Maven)

TLOTA:
Well I figure if I were to help why not go for the full crossover. See if I can add to your review of “Blade Trinity” and guess what, there is something I can add. Not only is there a theatrical cut there’s also the unrated cut which means…

Maven:
Oh no, not that… ANYTHING BUT… (Cut to Team TLOTA as they are armed with Chainsaws and Double Barreled 12 Gauge Shotguns as Hordes of Zombies come their way and everyone on Team “TLOTA” hack and slash their way through them all with different body parts and blood spelling out “The Different Cuts” as the final Chorus from “Don’t Stop Me Now” covered by Darren Criss plays in the background before cutting to clips from Blade Trinity as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
“Blade Trinity” was such a clusterbank of just the wrong moves that it put a stake into the Blade Franchise but Director and Writer David Goyer (Cut to an image David Goyer and all the Cinematic Blunders he has done) YES THAT DAVID GOYER! (Cut back to clips of Blade Trinity as James continues his voiceover) Anyway Goyer decided to release the version he wanted to have out there piggybacking on the theatrical DVD so…. (Cut to James and The Maven Of The Eventide)

TLOTA (Sounding like The Maven Of The Eventide):
Tonight we look at the unrated cut and the theatrical cut of “Blade Trinity”

Maven Of The Eventide:
If this is gonna happen how exactly does this work?

TLOTA:
Glad you asked, four categories, four points the one with the most points at the end of the four categories is deemed The Superior Cut. Let’s start with the first category, an important part to anything in any entertainment with an idea. The Plot!  (Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before the words “The Plot” as the blades continue to juggle before cutting to clips of the movie as James and Maven do voiceovers.)

Maven Of The Eventide (Voiceover):
Having had enough of Blade a group of renegade vampires find the ancient tomb of Dracula. Meanwhile Blade once again played by Wesley Snipes has become sloppy taking on all comers is considered a public menace. After losing Whistler once again he now must lead a group of young Vampire hunters called “The Nightstalkers” which includes Whistler’s Daughter born out of wedlock Abigail and Hannibal King. Now it’s up to Blade and “The Nightstalkers” to stop Dracula and every single last vampire VIA A mass Vampire Genocide from a Virus known as “Daystar” and Dracula who has seen this world and decided to take control and kill Blade, so Vampires have a chance to create Blood Farms from Schmoes like James.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So these Vampires are sick of hunting for their food and decide Okay, we’re gonna preserve them and drain them slowly. No wonder Blade and “The Nightstalkers” have the dumb-ass plan of Mass Vampire Genocide via a virus known as “Daystar” (Cut to James and The Maven physically)

Maven Of The Eventide:
Well that’s just rude of Blade and “The Nightstalkers”

TLOTA:
But which one uses this plot better? (Cut to clips of the movie as James and Maven do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Well after watching both we can honestly say the plot under better circumstances could’ve worked if things had been different. If New Line Cinema had taken tighter reigns over Goyer, Snipes and the production they might’ve had a better product and not a mess of two movies.

Maven Of The Eventide (Voiceover):
If there’s anything as positive to see come from this story was the fact they were setting up more movies in which Blade was just as disinterested in being around people just as Snipes was disinterested in a lot of things. But let’s say we were to flip a coin and see which one used this plot better, I’d have to give it to the Theatrical Cut.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
No Disagreement here and here’s the reason, it tries to focus on what it needs to. (Cut to James and The Maven physically)

TLOTA:
So it is with much trepidation that we give the first point to The Theatrical Cut

Maven Of The Eventide:
But only because of certain things we’ll get into with the next part. (Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before one Blade ends on the cover with The Maven Of The Eventide on it before cutting back to James and Maven Physically)

TLOTA:
And now to the part which actually in the long run, there was very little changed but those little changes made the biggest effect on the different cuts of this movie.

(Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before the words “Editing” as the blades continue to juggle before cutting to clips of the movie as James and Maven do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
With only ten minutes added in and an alternate ending put into the unrated cut, how different is it from the theatrical version well, now we must go into Spoilers territory, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Maven Of The Eventide (Voiceover):
In the theatrical cut, The Daystar Virus is circulated and it’s Armageddon for my poor dear vampires, a group of Feds come into the building to find and find Blade’s body sans a shirt only for it to be revealed that once he’s in the morgue it’s Drake and Blade riding off into the sunset with narration from Hannibal King which leads into “Blade: The Series” which I already reviewed.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
However in the unrated version there are big differences, firstly in the intro after the Vampires meet with Dracula there is a moment that sends the momentum of the opening to a screeching halt for the only reason to introduce Dr. Vance who is a Familiar, now in the ending of unedited cut after The Daystar Virus is circulated and it’s Armageddon for Maven’s vampire friends, the Feds come into the building to find an unconscious Blade who wakes up in the Morgue and he is pissed and after waking up goes on a rampage and rides off into the sunset but the narration by Hannibal King leads us to believe that Blade has embraced the Vampire side of himself and is now a renegade.
(Cut to James and The Maven physically)

Maven Of The Eventide:
Okay, multiple questions. One, why did Abigail and Hannibal take Dracula’s Corpse? Two, why did they leave Blade? Three, Why and How did the Daystar Virus cause Blade to embrace the vampire within and Finally, which cut was better?

TLOTA:
Excellent questions Maven. The answers to the first three, I have no clue and no idea why and as to answer the fourth one lies in the endings and which one you liked better. (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as James and The Maven do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
If you like the ending that connects to the Series then all the power and positive energy to you, it just wasn’t my cup of tea!

Maven Of The Eventide (Voiceover):
Well the unrated version wasn’t a joy to watch, knowing that Blade who dedicated himself to wiping out my precious Vampires actually becomes one. That was just weird! But a stake to the chest ready to take me out, I’d have to give it to the Theatrical version just because it led into something that was better but slightly.  (Cut to James and The Maven physically)

TLOTA:
So the theatrical cut moves up and has two points (Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before two Blade ends on the cover with The Maven Of The Eventide on it  and James has nothing on his side before cutting back to James and Maven Physically)

TLOTA:
So the theatrical cut is up two to nada and Maven, you’re looking a little pallid. Maybe it’s the lighting, the make-up or I don’t know what it is but maybe I could whip you up something. What do you say we take a break, you get a pint, I get a bite to eat and come back refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the categories?

Maven Of The Eventide:
Doesn’t sound like a bad idea! (James and the Maven walk away before fading to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to a refreshed and revitalized Maven and James)

Maven Of The Eventide:
You know, that break was worth. So next up is the Cast and Characters?

TLOTA:
You’re learning

(Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before the words “Cast and Characters” as the blades continue to juggle before cutting to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Let me say the following, given the writing and production problems let me say that for the most part, the acting is decent. Jessica Biel as Abigail Whistler was okay as was Patton Oswald, John Michael Higgins, James Remar and Eric Bogosian who is in the Unrated cut then there’s Kris Kristofferson who for the brief time he’s on the screen knows that this would be Whistler’s last ride because after being revived thanks to Gold medal levels of Plot gymnastics in “Blade II”. Now we’ve come to well… We’ll let his intro scene speak for itself. (Show Hannibal King’s intro in “Blade Trinity”) Yes Hannibal King played by Ryan Reynolds! (Cut to The Maven and James physically)

The Maven Of The Eventide:
Ryan Reynolds, Why does that name ring a bell? (Cut to a still image of the blood seen in the beginning of the movie as “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” plays and Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson comes on the scene in a bathtub before he slams on the brakes on his ride.)

Deadpool:
AHOY THERE! Yep that’s right he went from a King to a Super Emperor character which is just what I am, and I can honestly say, Hannibal King is me sans any of my usual enjoyable personality and fourth wall demolition. Like for example the moments between King and Blade. (Cut to the few times Blade and Hannibal are together on screen before cutting back to Deadpool) Then there’s his attitude towards Danica! If it were me, I’d be less of an asshole but Hannibal? (Cut to every time he insults Danica Talos before returning to Deadpool) Damn, he is just a vicious, vicious dick! Maybe it’s because she was unimpressed by his little stake and couldn’t make her scream for something more! But yeah, Hannibal King is as much as likable a character as I am likely going to be joining the MCU in my current iteration. Any who, I’ll just shuffle on out of here! (Deadpool zooms off as the blood wipe cuts to The Maven and James physically)

Maven Of The Eventide:
I think it’s best for the both of us to forget this moment and move on.

TLOTA:
No arguments here! So why don’t you talk about your beloved vampire characters. (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as The Maven Of The Eventide does a voiceover)

Maven (Voiceover):
Well of course there’s Danica Talos played by Parker Posey she is the supposed leader of a Vampire Mafioso who decides along with her brother Asher played by Callum Keith Rennie and her muscle known as Jarko Grimwood played by Triple H to find The First Vampire. The originator of the Vampire ways who didn’t evolve into a nocturnal vampire like the rest of the Vampires. According to this movie it’s Dracula or as he’s known in this movie Drake played by Heatwave himself Dominic Purcell, his Dracula can be incognito by transforming himself into anyone, walk in the daytime and be an equal to Blade in most ways, okay granted the only monstrous thing he does is snack on some Goth wannabes until he fights with Blade at the end. But now we come to Blade himself played by Wesley Snipes. Now let’s forget the problems Snipes had with New Line, Goyer and everything else. Blade has now become stoic, sullen and yet so sloppy. Now I know James what you’re going to say yes I know he suffered the heartache of losing a love interest in the last movie and in the movie before that he lost the mentor and father figure who came back in the second movie thanks to plot convenience only to lose him so quickly again it’s no surprise that A) He didn’t want to work with the “Nightstalkers” in the beginning and B) Why he lost a lot of the personality he had in the last two movies. Now we’re left with a Blade whose personality is so dull it couldn’t cut blood! (Cut to a shot of Mike Santos doing a rimshot before cutting to James and Maven physically)

TLOTA:
So now comes the question, which version of the movie uses the cast to their best abilities even though Wesley only appears in close-ups, didn’t do a drop of ADR and only when he was off the Blood Red! (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as James and The Maven do voiceovers)

Maven (Voiceover):
After watching both movies, I am making this decision on who outside of Wesley Snipes was the best though admittedly Dominic Purcell’s Dracula AKA Drake was okay even though they had to add in one trope that was brought in from “Dracula 2000” that got me hot around my neckline.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Which Trope?

Maven (Voiceover):
Just Watch. (Show clip in which “Drake” talks about being Judas) (Cut to James and Maven Physically)

TLOTA:
Really?!

Maven Of The Eventide:
Yes, the trope that Dracula might be JUDAS!

TLOTA:
Even by Goyer’s low standards that’s just something WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS! Anyway, we’re getting distracted. Better Cast is?

The Maven Of The Eventide:
The Unrated Version (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as The Maven Of The Eventide does a voiceover)

Maven (Voiceover):
So much of the movie’s unrated version is better because of the cast. We get more time to see them all even as little of Blade we see how they interact well with each other. Granted the interactions between Blade and The Nightstalkers aren’t some of the best in cinematic history but the fact they do interact better here as opposed to the theatrical cut says very little. (Cut to James and Maven Physically)

TLOTA:
So the Unrated version gets a point?

Maven Of The Eventide:
Yep!

(Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before two Blade ends on the cover with The Maven Of The Eventide on it and James has one on his side before cutting back to James and Maven Physically)

TLOTA:
And now the final category and to get you up to par with what’s necessary. This Category is about watched a movie to DEATH at one point then you just forget about it for a while then one day, you pop into the player or it comes up on some streaming service and you decide to yourself “Okay, it’s been a while, let’s see if I still like it”. Something I call “The Re-Watch Factor”

(Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before the words “The Re-Watch Factor” as the blades continue to juggle before cutting to clips of the movie as James and Maven do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
While the movie is a disaster no questions about it. I found something enjoyable about both versions of the movie. Whether how laughably bad the acting from Wesley Snipes and Dominic Purcell or how badly they tried to shoehorn Spinoff Material for “The Nightstalkers” movie which never made it past this movie and hell how the story continuously just shoots itself by going in so many different directions that you wonder if David Goyer had any plans going into this.

Maven (Voiceover):
Are you kidding? James these movies were horrendous!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I was trying to tell people what was negative and hopefully see past the flaws and see something worth watching in both movies and you know something? I found not only the Unrated cut enjoyable in its own rights I found the theatrical cut in its own rights as well.

Maven (Voiceover):
I hate to say this, but I whole heartedly agree with you James. For as bad as both movies are there is a certain je ne sais quoi that cannot be underestimated. Even this, considered one of the worst Comic Book and Vampire movies outside a certain franchise has an appeal to it so if that’s the case who gets the point?

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The answer is simple… BOTH! (A Record scratches before cutting to James and Maven Physically)

Maven Of The Eventide:
BOTH?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

TLOTA:
Maven, remember what I said about the points! (Rewinds to the point when James talks about how “The Different Cuts” works before fast forwarding to the present)

Maven Of The Eventide:
Oh yeah and since the Unrated cut has three points and the theatrical cut has two, I win!

TLOTA:
Actually, The Unrated Cut wins.

Maven Of The Eventide:
Fair enough

(Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before three Blade ends on the cover with The Maven Of The Eventide on it and James has two blades on his side before cutting to Blade sticking “The Theatrical Cut” into the demonic looking Drake as tiny little versions to kill all the vampires back to James and Maven Physically)

TLOTA:
And now with Marvel just about to put the kibosh on their next phase on the MCU where or how will you think Blade will appear. In a Netflix series, A Series on ABC, A Series on Freeform or will he return to the Cinemas. Feel free to let us know in the comment section below. Well Maven it has been a pleasure working with you again.

Maven Of The Eventide:
Wish I could say the same.

TLOTA:
Well all things considered if you need my assistance, let me know. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That’s my opinion!

(James lets himself out)

Maven Of The Eventide:

I’m Zee Maven Of The Eventide and....  

(Sounds of James screaming as trips over something and several sounds of things crashing and being smashed off screen as The Maven looks off screen before Grey says "Sorry Mr. Faraci" off screen)

Maven Of The Eventide:
That had to hurt!

(Cut to black as Blood Rave plays in the foreground then the copyright symbol & the words Chez Apocalypse with the year 2018 next to them then Written by Elisa Hanson & James Faraci credit then twitter accounts Twitter.com/ElisaInTime & Twitter.com/TLOTA are credited. James wishes to send his Thanks to Paw Dugan & Eliza Hansen for putting up with James as he helps repair their house and doing this review and to Cambell Dodson for being as bad ass a Deadpool that’d give Ryan Reynolds a run for his money. Elisa and Paw wish to thank James for helping with the repairs to the house and for helping Grey with school before cutting to see James in his office at his laptop computer and clicks on the link for "WitchHaven" then cutting to a Black Screen and the words "One Viewing Later" before cutting to James as he looks as his mind has been blown away)

TLOTA:
WOW! (Cut to the Chez Apocalypse logo then the Manic Expression logo before cutting to black)