Wednesday, October 19, 2016

The Last Of The Americans and The Magic of David Copperfield

(Open with The Logo of "The Last Of The Last Of The Americans" on the slab of Titanium before cutting to corresponding clips as James does an intro voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Last Time on "James Faraci The Last Of The Americans"! Sarah Michelle Gellar, David Boreanaz, The Boogeyman, The Top 13 Best episodes of Buffy and Angel, And legendary magician David Copperfield.... You can put two and two together from there.

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2015 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James landing on Linkara, to James getting his nards smashed, To Josie & The Pussycats running into James’ office, to James and Paulo dressed as the Mario Brothers on a snow sled, to Everyone at team TLOTA running out of James’ office, to James leading the charge against the Cullens and the vampires of The Twilight Saga, to Rowdy turning his head to Paulo with a demented smile on his face as everyone save for James looks scared as James has his right hand with defeat on his face until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver towards the Power Rangers then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John Santos, Eliza Dushku & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Traci Hines, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his business office.)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Who wants to see some magic? (Audience replies enthusiastically "Yeah!") Well I'll be making debut later on as a magician. But who inspired me to do such an amazing thing? David Copperfield of course! (Cut to clips of different illusions done by David Copperfield as the music from "The Magic Of David Copperfield II" plays and James does a voiceover the clips)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As a fan of magic in general David was one of the first magicians I ever saw consistently perform great magic without question. He's one of the first must watch performers and specials I saw on TV ever that I made it a point to watch. He was one of those guys where girls wanted to get into his pants and men wanted to be his wingmen just to get the women. THAT is how awesome he was. There was for a lack of better words a certain magic that came through when he performed his specials.With his illusions he could charm the pants off a girl and at the drop of the hat be the biggest kid on the stage or the corniest dork and he embraced all the aspects of his persona even when he took on the Rock Star magician image he didn't shy away from who he was and I respect him for it! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Which is why with Halloween around the corner, I would pay tribute to one of the first specials I made a point to watch when they were on. This is my tribute to "The Magic of David Copperfield" (Cut to clips of different illusions done by David Copperfield as the music from "The Magic Of David Copperfield II" plays as the last title card of "The Magic of David Copperfield" is seen as in the same text the words "James Faraci The Last Of The Americans' tribute to..." are above it before cutting to clips corresponding to James' voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As a television personality, he got his start NOT on CBS as many would think. It was as the host of the Fall preview of 1977 on ABC and it was clear then the seeds of greatness was there but what did ABC execs do to nurture someone like that? Give him another variety special to show his own talent? Build a show around this magical talent? Nope! The network that would eventually give The Power Rangers some of their worst seasons decided that the best thing to do for a future great is to let him go. However someone at CBS saw the special and said to David. (Cut to Eric Kurtzke dressed as a 1970's TV Exec from CBS in James' personal office.)

1970's CBS Exec: Okay, so obviously the guys at the Fluff channel aka ABC don't know talent if it came up and shook their ta-tas at it. But you! (Cut to David Copperfield looking as he did at the time)

1970's CBS Exec (Audio only): You've got something no one at ABC has. An cup of Charisma, a pint of talent, a quart of likability, a gallon of humor and you Mr. David Copperfield 

1970's CBS Exec: You are someone I want to give an hour to do what you do best without having to shill A network that after doing so much for them and they did nothing for you.(Cut to David Copperfield looking as he did at the time)

David Copperfield: Thank you sir, though I do have a request for my first special. I want Orson Wells in it. (Cut to Eric Kurtzke dressed as a 1970's TV Exec from CBS in James' personal office looking confused as it cuts to David Copperfield looking as he did at the time)

David Copperfield: The guy who at 26 Wrote, Produced, Directed and Starred in "Citizen Kane"?(Cut to Eric Kurtzke dressed as a 1970's TV Exec from CBS in James' personal office.)

1970's CBS Exec: Oh, the guy who couldn't give a simple ad. You got him! Good luck! (The two stand up and shake hands.)

David Copperfield: Trust me sir, you will not regret this decision! (Cut to clips of different episodes of "The Magic of David Copperfield" and other Magicians on Television)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And thus from 1978 until 1995 David Copperfield would take an hour to enchant and enthrall us with "The Magic Of David Copperfield" and with that came illusions that still to this day confound me. Now the idea of magicians on TV wasn't a new one. And while they were entertaining they lacked a certain charisma. now don't get me wrong magicians and illusionists HAVE to be Charismatic but David had a little something extra! I mean he got Orson Wells in his first special! ORSON WELLS! I know he wasn't at his best but IT'S ORSON WELLS! IF I COULD GET THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC TO CROSSOVER WITH THE ROWDY REVIEWER, I'D GET IT DONE. But I digress, because the first special was such a success that even though it took a year from the first one from that moment forward until 1995 David Copperfield would come in and take illusionism to a whole new level putting more feats of daring and dazzling into his act. But by the mid eighties David felt he needed a change in his image and style. With that came more flashier clothes without looking like a Siegfried & Roy knockoff, a jet black mullet that screamed John Stamos "Full House" era, Rock Music and more elaborate illusions with enough theatricality to give fans a lot to think about and to David's credit he still could be the bit of the big kid that was still a part of him and there in lied the challenge of every grand spectacular he had to up the ante. Whether it was making the Statue Of Liberty disappear, trying to teleport across the Grand Canyon, Flying without wires! In 2001 David tried to make a comeback with the Tornado of Fire! There is a reason people look at that one with a look of dull shock! I mean COME ON DAVID! You didn't last more than a few seconds in a tornado of Fire. You could've added a little more pizazz like having a monitor on the side showing the intensity of the flames and then things going south and in a flash you disappear out of where you were only to appear on the top of the building and what's worse is that the show before then was vintage David Copperfield and yet you last only a few seconds in a "Tornado Of Fire"?! I Call BUNK on that! The David Copperfield I saw when I was a kid would have done gone with my idea for that ending. But as I looked at it and the others again and then "Tornado of Fire" I realized something. Sometimes the main event wasn't the best part of the show. Often enough it nine times out of ten some of the build up illusions to the finale are the better than the finale. But in the third one he shot too quickly by making what should've been the finale into the opening illusion and while the rest of the show was David being his usual amazing self and the show itself wasn't bad it was just he needed to pace it better and save the vanishing Ferrari until the end of the show! And one thing that definitely stood out was when he was humorous he was hitting a thousand even at times when you think he's being corny or missed a mark or even fell down he made it work to his advantage and he always made sure the audience was a part of the illusion. And You know the old saying never work with Kids or Animals in entertainment? Well never tell David that because he has worked with both and it always is amazing. This guy could do anything...but by the Mid-90's David's specials were considered stale even by those who were disaffected by 1990's standards. Street magicians David Blane and Criss Angel was starting to gain in popularity and the Fox series "Breaking The Magician's Code" made it almost impossible for Magicians to be taken seriously enough to be given an hour or even a half an hour of television! But it didn't stop David he hit the Vegas scene and hit the road and has done the best shows he has done but I actually do miss seeing him on my TV. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: So the question now is Do we need "The Magic Of David Copperfield" back on TV or even him on a streaming service like Netflix or Hulu or anyplace like that? To which I have to answer "YES!" (Cut to clips of "The Magic Of David Copperfield" and corresponding clips of what's on Television and where David is right now as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Look at what's going on in the news, look at what passes for "Good Television" TV is a Mess! We need magic again on our screen! We need old school pizazz! We need David Copperfield to come back and remind us what great entertainment is, if not for himself then he should do it for his daughter! That's right David Copperfield is a Dad and he isn't resting on his laurels. As I said before he is touring . He's even appeared on shows like The Simpsons, Wizards Of Waverly Place and in the movie "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone" and has his own charitable foundation Link Here: But if he should make a TV Comeback, he'll do it when the time is right. (Cut to James dressed as an old school illusionist.)

TLOTA: And if it does work out especially for the sake of his daughter, then might I suggest this little illusion in the future to let boys know that you mean business! I call this little number, The Pants to be Darkener or as the French call it Le Guillotine! (Camera tracks back to show a Guillotine and other members of Team TLOTA dressed up as Professional Illusionists Assistants.)

TLOTA: And as you can tell this blade is surgical stainless steel and so razor sharp behold this watermelon! (The blade comes down and the melon gets sliced in half!) Haha! That's sharper than an Internet reviewer's Wit! And now behold as my team brings in this heavily shackled man! (Team TLOTA takes a man in a Federal Prisoner's outfit.) Now, this animal has done some bad things to young women and children and if we were to strap this unknown creature down to this bench connected to Le Guillotine and then add a little more panache this knotted rope with seven knots and these propane welding torches which our lovely ladies are holding and every fifteen seconds that pass one of these ladies will cut a knot lowering this blade and if this animal can get free before the final knot is burned through, this monster will return to prison to spend the rest of his natural life in a federal prison for his crimes. Now We shall tie this beast up and ladies set timers for fifteen seconds and as for a Twist one key is the real one and the other six are fake keys. Everybody ready! Strap the creature in and set the total timer for a minute forty five! When I say begin, the illusion begins! BEGIN! (The Camera stay on the criminal trying to unlock his first lock with a false key which snaps as fifteen seconds elapses before the first knot is cut by Olivia Horvath. The Camera holds on as he escapes the first lock and then tries another fake key which shatters before the key hits the lock and Traci cuts the second knot after yet another fifteen seconds elapses but something goes wrong as the rest of the knots slip through the eyeholes and the blade comes down and chops the head off! James grabs the severed masked head and sighs before James faces the body towards him and places the severed  masked head on the body and places on the cut line as the body rises up and the hood comes off to reveal David Copperfield!)

David Copperfield: I knew I needed my head examined but that was ridiculous!

TLOTA: DAVID COPPERFIELD LADIES & GENTLEMEN! (Canned audience applause is heard as James and David take a bow before cutting to a stock clip of an audience before cutting to James tapping David on the shoulder and David's head comes off and James quietly gasps in shock!)

David Copperfield (Audio only): James?! (Cut to David Copperfield's head on the floor)

David Copperfield: What happened?! WHY CAN I ONLY SEE ANKLES?! (Cut to James gasping silently before James looks at the camera)

TLOTA: And now for my final trick me and my team will disappear until November! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's My Opinion! (James' team grab a sheet and slowly raises before getting over their tallest member's head and then we're seeing David's body running around looking for his head.)

David Copperfield (Audio only): JAMES GET BACK HERE! JAMES?! JAMES!?!?! JAMES!!!!!!!!!