(The scene picks up with James, Team TLOTA, David Yost, Rowdy, Linkara and ERod The Blockbuster Buster getting ready to fight the possessed Hunter Dino, Crosslyn Castillo and Ellie Jimenez.)
TLOTA (to Rowdy in a sotto voice):
Are they coming?
Rowdy (to James in a sotto voice):
We just hold them just long enough until they get here.
TLOTA (to Rowdy in a sotto voice):
How long will that be?
Rowdy (to James in a sotto voice):
A while
TLOTA:
Perfect!
ERod The Blockbuster Buster:
Enough talk let’s kick some ass!
Linkara:
I’m with you on that! (“Bye, Bye, Bye” by NSYNC plays in the foreground as it cuts to Ellie Jimenez prepares a fire-based energy ball, Crosslyn Castillo prepares a lightning-based energy ball as Hunter Dino unveils her “Cosmic Fury” morpher. The scene cuts to James and everyone else.)
Doug Yaun:
Is that what I think it is? (The music pauses at the ten second mark)
David Yost:
A “Cosmic Fury” Morpher
Linkara:
Is it active?
David Yost:
Affirmative
TLOTA:
We’ll we’re boned! (Cut to Hunter, Crosslyn and Ellie)
Hunter “Aquafina” Dino:
Cosmic Fury Orb, Link to Morphin Grid! (Hunter morphs as the music starts up again and drops the hammer sending everyone flying! Hunter grabs James in mid-launch and slams him to the ground. Crosslyn throws a kick at Rowdy as he hits James’ team like a bowling ball to a set of bowling pins and Ellie grabs ERod and swings him like a hammer and hits Linkara as a credit says “First Choice Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com presents” made from splattered blood. Cut to Hunter grabbing James Faraci by his shirt and her weapon making contact on James’ foot as the names “James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Nick Yaun and Rebecca Yaun” comes out in the blood spurts. Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Nick Yaun and Rebecca Yaun as the electric shocks them and the names “Doug Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath.” Cut to Hunter Dino, Crosslyn Castillo and Ellie Jimenez as they do the *NSYNC “Bye, Bye, Bye” dance sequence done in “Deadpool and Wolverine.” Cut to Hunter tossing David into the camera as the glass shatters and the shatters spell “David Yost.” Cut to Crosslyn Castillo as ERod’s Hammer is shoved where the sun doesn’t shine and the poop coming out spells out “Eric ERod the Blockbuster Buster Rodriguez and Lewis Linkara Lovhaug.” Cut to Ellie Jimenez as she reverses the blast from Linkara’s Magic Gun and the shot burns the words “Hunter Dino, Crosslyn Castillo and Ellie Jimenez” on Linkara’s Chest. Cut to James as he stands up only to have Crosslyn and Ellie drop his team and Rowdy on to James like windshield wipers as blood spells out “Produced by First Choice Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com” Cut to Hunter Dino, Crosslyn Castillo and Ellie Jimenez as they do the *NSYNC “Bye, Bye, Bye” dance sequence done in “Deadpool and Wolverine.” Cut to David Yost as he tries to come up from behind as he’s tossed onto James then launched into the raptors of the building. James is soon spun around until he’s launched into the sky screaming as J.C. sings “BYE-BYE! BAABY!” in “Bye, Bye, Bye” and the words “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Eric Kurtzke, Andrew Beach, Olivia Horvath and Doug Yaun” only for James to be reeled in and be given a clothesline to the back of the neck and is spun around and slammed into the floor as Hunter Dino, Crosslyn Castillo and Ellie Jimenez as they do the *NSYNC “Bye, Bye, Bye” dance sequence done in “Deadpool and Wolverine.” while feet are being landed on James eventually kicking him out of the way and as James stands up the three turn to see James starting to stand up only for the three to come up to James and the three power up their weapons and strike as the words “Directed by James Faraci” are shown as the song comes to an end and James collapses from the pain and exhaustion.)
Hunter “Aquafina” Dino:
I love the smell of a human beaten to a bloody pulp.
Ellie “Oceana” Jimenez:
It smells like a good thing to happen to this planet.
Crosslyn “Marintina” Castillo:
Let’s get what we need and then we can return to... (A voice in the background shouts “Not so fast there Shiksas!” The camera turns to the Religious Sect of Power Rangers Fandom)
Rabbi Skullovitch:
You’re acting uneven right now even for you!
Sister Kimberly:
We are here to save the trapped souls inside of those bodies!
Father Bulkmeier:
In the name of the Saban, the Disney and the Holy Hasbro, we shall exorcise thee! (Hunter, Ellie and Crosslyn prepare to attack the religious sect when they three summon the power of the Kalish-plosion which render the three unconscious. Cut to the religious sect.)
Sister Kimberly:
Good work, Oh my, James! (Cut to James as he gets up on his feet)
Rabbi Skullovitch:
Boychik! You are incredible, a beating like that would have left me pershnickerd! (David Yost screams as he lands in front of the religious sect.) OY GEVALT! IT IS THE LEARNED ONE! He looks in even worse shape than the schmendrick! (Cut to David Yost)
David Yost:
Tell me about it! (Cut to the Religious Sect)
Father Bulkmeier:
We need now to prepare for the exorcism. (Cut to David Yost)
David Yost:
Excuse me? (Cut to the Religious Sect)
Rabbi Skullovitch:
Of the three, not of you, all religious sects of the Power Ranger Fandom have accepted the LGBTQIA+ as Pareve! (Cut to David Yost)
David Yost:
Well, that’s good to hear. In the meantime, James what are you doing? (Cut to James Faraci as he wipes the blood off his face.)
TLOTA:
What do you think? (James walks out as it cuts to James in his office) I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Well, the time has come, we’ve come upon the highest grossing Deadpool Movie, the highest grossing R-Rated movie and it turned out to be the breath of fresh air the MCU needs to stay viable, for now. (Cut to “Deadpool & Wolverine” opening credit as it cuts to clips of “Deadpool & Wolverine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The third time is the charm as not only does Hugh Jackman return for this one but also we get a good ending for Deadpool’s cinematic excursions but also what the 20th century productions Marvel /Non MCU Marvel movie universes. But will Deadpool be the savior of not only the non MCU Marvel Universes and his own or will this be joining the list of movies and projects that have shown the weaknesses of Marvel’s Dominance. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
We have... excuse me for a moment. (James walks away and says off-screen “How much time will you need?” and an Off-Screen chorus shouting of “When you’re done with the review” replies and James says off-screen “Fair enough” and James returns to his chair.) This is “Deadpool & Wolverine” (Cut to “Deadpool & Wolverine” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We open with Deadpool singing along with the Marvel Studios theme song and getting us up to speed and saying how he’s going to do it without dishonoring Logan’s memory. His solution is to dig that grave open and hope that Wolverine is not officially worm chow to save Deadpool’s universe. After digging it up and seeing how Logan is, Deadpool handles it well. (Show clip of Deadpool getting angry as he discovers Wolverine is dead and shouting how his world is fucked.) For Deadpool that is. However, we don’t have time to stay angry as the TVA has come for Wade’s Red Spandex Covered Ass leading to the opening credits that we just satirized and it’s nice to see the TVA get their collective asses handed to them. After that we cut to what Wade did to get to this point as we see Wade on “Earth 616” and I put that in quotations because I think it might be an adjacent dimension to make it like “Earth 616” but I think the dimension Wade is in is not “Earth 616” because it means it’s our world and I don’t see any of the Marvel Characters. But I digress, Wade is at a job interview to join “The Avengers” however Happy Hogan tells Wade Wilson he’s not “Avenger” material and that he will not be joining them. We cut to six years later as Wade has retired the Red Spandex and has joined the workforce as used car salesman, he and Vanessa have called it quits though they remain on friendly terms and today happens to be his birthday. However, Wade notices someone is watching him. His celebrating of him getting another year on the sun and moon is interrupted as the TVA grab him and ship him off to TVA headquarters. When Deadpool arrives, he’s introduced to Paradox played by Matthew MacFadyen and is offered a job to restore his timeline after all the damage he caused and with the death of his timeline’s Anchor being in this case Wolverine, Wade suits up yoinks Paradox’s tempad, when Paradox let loose he’s going to wipe out Deadpool’s Universe letting us know he’s nuttier than a nut goodie which leads us to the opening and long story short after a series of trips throughout the multiverse including seeing multiple variants of Wolverine including a Wolverine played by Henry Cavill when he comes upon the one he needs, played again by Hugh Jackman. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Well, this might be a quick review. (A chorus of people shout off-screen “NOT YET JAMES!”) Never mind. (Cut to “Deadpool & Wolverine” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
However, this Wolverine is as broken as others, except for the fact that his suit is comic accurate and as Deadpool points out, it took 20 years to get it done. And according to Paradox, he’s let his entire universe down by getting everyone that he had been with, killed. As Paradox and Deadpool argue about what each want, with Deadpool wanting to keep his universe alive and Paradox wanting to wipe it out, Deadpool discovers that Paradox doing what he is doing sans the TVA approval, Paradox prunes Deadpool and Wolverine to the void. While there the two duke it out and Deadpool to stay on Wolverine’s good side decides to promise to help fix whatever he did wrong. As the fight ends, Deadpool and Wolverine come upon the same Johnny Storm from the Fox Fantastic Four movies and not the one from “Fan4stic” thank Christ, that guy is doing better with the “Creed” movies. Anyway, they’re captured by the followers of Cassandra Nova, played by Emma Corrin which include Pyro and Sabretooth. It’s here that Johnny tells them about Alioth which I did mention in my review of “LOKI,” and that there’s a resistance group to fight it and Cassandra’s group has pretty much run of the void and you join her until you are useless to her, and you are Alioth chow! As Cassandra pulls off a Mortal Kombat style fatality on Johnny Storm, we see Alioth getting ready to hunt. Cassandra sees how Wade and Vanessa ended their relationship as Cassandra decides to play mindfuck with Wade Wilson which gives him the chance to fight for his universe. Escaping by the skin of their teeth, Deadpool and Wolverine converse about what happened to them then the two come upon, the other selling point for the movie “Dogpool” and then “Nicepool.” After a discussion about how both are very pathetic in their own rights and another fight breaks out. Our duo finds the survivors who happen to consist of Elektra from that short-lived universe, Blade, played again by Wesley Snipes who had to beg Ryan for the role, and the unused Gambit that meant to have Channing Tatum being played by Channing Tatum and the one who found them, Laura “X-23” played again by Dafne Keen. Deadpool tell the others that he’s been inside Cassandra’s lair and can get the others in for one last battle against her. The night before they commit to death, Laura and Logan have a heart to heart about what in the hell happened to him. (Show the heart-to-heart conversation between Laura and Logan. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Damn, that is so impactful, he lost the team for a round of drinks as humans slaughtered all the X-Men and knowing that he was for all intents and purposes the wrong guy. I know that feeling. (Cut to “Deadpool & Wolverine” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The next day Pyro tells Paradox about what has happened in the movie after Deadpool and Wolverine got out of dodge and Paradox tells Pyro the Time Ripper is hours away from being completed meaning every other timeline is now so up shit’s creek they’ve drowned already. Back with Cassandra, our heroes begin the first of the final battles begin as Deadpool comes upon Cassandra as the resistance gets Juggernaut’s helmet and Wolverine uses himself as bait as the Juggernaut’s helmet to contain her powers. Just then Pyro double taps Cassandra and tells about Paradox, having no other choice, they take off the helmet so Cassandra can heal herself and uses a Sling Ring to get Deadpool and Wolverine of the void. Meanwhile everyone else except for Cassandra and Pyro is gone at the jaws of Alioth. Meanwhile the TVA bosses get some wind of what has been going on and Hunter B-15 who was in the “LOKI” series is sent to investigate. As that happens Cassandra mind rapes Pyro to get all the info about his alliance with Paradox to destroy outlining timelines, follows Logan and Wolverine back to their timeline and brings an entire Deadpool Corps mainly consisting of cameos of Ryan Reynold’s wife Blake Lively and their kids, Matthew McConaughey, Nathan Fillion and so many others that I lose count of. But the moment everyone remembers is when “Nicepool” is killed and Deadpool takes his Gold-plated Desert Eagles and Wolverine who has been in his comic accurate suit most of the time and puts on the mask. The fans just about screamed in orgasmic joy. After the battle between Wolverine and Deadpool vs the Deadpool Corps which rates a nine point five on the awesome battle meter until Peter from Deadpool 2 arrives to hold everyone else off so Deadpool and Wolverine can confront Paradox who sees Cassandra getting ready to wipe every single timeline off the map. (Cut to James in the Super Mario Bros. Movie review as the Maw-Ray is about to eat him, Mario and Donkey Kong, and James says, "Of Course!" Cut to “Deadpool & Wolverine” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
With no other option to save his timeline, Deadpool decides to sacrifice himself to stop Cassandra, that is until... (Show clip of Deadpool and Wolverine as they restore their timeline. Cut to James physically) WOW! That was incredible. (Cut to “Deadpool & Wolverine” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Paradox tries to bullshit himself out of the mess he’s in when our heroes come in to basically spill all the beans, he’s been hording and Paradox is schlepped back to TVA headquarters. Meanwhile it appears that everything that Deadpool and Wolverine has done not only restored their timeline but gave it extra life. Deadpool asks about the heroes that were in the void and if they can repair the mess Wolverine made in his universe. The earlier they could do, the latter, not so much. It’s because of what he’s been through it’s made him who he is now so he can now call the same universe Deadpool lives in his home. And the movie ends with everyone in Wade’s life celebrating, Wade and Vanessa begin to reconcile, a tribute to the X-Men/Non MCU movies and 20th Century Fox itself and proof that Johnny Storm said what Deadpool claimed he did so everyone can give the guy a break in thinking that Deadpool got him killed by Cassandra. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was “Deadpool and Wolverine,” God how I loved it! (Cut to clips of “Deadpool & Wolverine” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
I loved how it gave characters that either didn’t have a chance for closure or a chance to come to be and gave them a chance to shine for a moment, the story was well paced, the acting was incredible, the humor was on point, the action was engaging, nothing dragged or was wasted needlessly. If you haven’t seen it and you can see due to the rating, then do yourself a favor and give it the attention and maximum effort it deserves. (Cut to James physically as the sound of everyone saying “We’re ready)
TLOTA:
Great now to have one less nightmare in my existence. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that’s my opinion. (Cut to James as he heads to the lobby after taking a brief detour.)
TLOTA:
If you three are ready. (Cut to The Religious sect as they nod yes. The three begin to chant in unison all the Power Rangers iconographic words, characters and actors as Hunter, Ellie and Crosslyn begin to writhe and react until the three are able to break out enough from the enclosure they’re in and stop the ceremony by knocking out the Religious sect, ERod comes in full throttle only to be picked up by Hunter, his hammer falling out of his coat and getting choke slammed into the horseshoe couch. James tries to start an offensive attack but is unsuccessful. Cut to Linkara as he tries to stop the violence only for him to be kicked right into ERod and the rest of Team TLOTA and Rowdy are beaten down. Cut to James as he gets back up and the three laugh.)
Hunter “Aquafina” Deno:
Look at him, trying, while bleeding like a stuck blowfish before the great white swallows him whole, to stand up against us. (The three knock him down into more of a heap of blood than how he is now. Cut to the three.)
Crosslyn “Marintina” Castillo:
The more he bleeds the more he is helping us, if the blood comes from his heart, then we bathe in it, we gain our tails back and well we get the win! (James grabs the couch and slowly tries to get back up as Ellie “Oceana” Jimenez says off-screen “Maybe Verve won’t recognize us and we can get our way back to the pod, thanks to the man she loved.)
TLOTA (Grunting and Growling):
Julia...Alexa...Miller. Her name was Julia FUCKING ALEXA MILLER! And you have NO right to say her name. And for you to use me to go back to somewhere you’re not even welcomed anymore?! HOW...DARE YOU! Every ounce of me should use the powers and disintegrate you down to the quantum level of pain! But I choose not to! I choose to save lives, today I choose to be the hero she saw in me! Today, I finish it all! (James pulls out Emmalina’s Amulet. Cut to the three)
Hunter “Aquafina” Deno:
The Amulet!
Crosslyn “Marintina” Castillo:
Stop him!
Ellie “Oceana” Jimenez:
FINISH HIM! (James begins to chant in an unknown tongue and hoists the amulet up with his left hand as the Choir version of “Like A Prayer” begins and three beams hit the three and James begins to go down onto his right knee and sees the hammer sitting there as it cuts to a room of enormous grandeur as Aquafina stands and a voice that sounds like her says “Hello Aquafina!” as Hunter Deno walks out of the smoke. Cut to Aquafina as she comes face to face with Hunter Deno.)
Aquafina:
What are you doing here? (The Scene changes to the same scene but this time with Marintina coming face to face with Crosslyn Castillo)
Crosslyn Castillo:
Your vengeance won’t end with your joyous return to your pod. They will still see you for what you are. (The Scene changes to the same scene but this time with Oceana coming face to face with Ellie Jimenez)
Ellie Jimenez:
They’ll know you are the ones that made the pod known to a human.
Oceana:
We covered our fins by doing what we did to Verve. Something told James about us and then we were punished for doing what we did. (The Scene changes to the same scene but this time with Aquafina coming face to face with Hunter Deno)
Aquafina:
We followed what we were taught, bring them to the pod or they will expose us.
Hunter Deno:
Was she going to expose you? I saw what you did. I understand, I don’t agree with it, but I understand. (The Scene changes to the same scene but this time with Marintina coming face to face with Crosslyn Castillo)
Marintina:
So why were we punished for James’ actions.
Crosslyn Castillo:
James was just doing what he had to do to find her and go back to normal. You were the ones that converted her against her desires mind you. (The Scene changes to the same scene but this time with Oceana coming face to face with Ellie Jimenez)
Oceana:
We did what we knew was right.
Ellie Jimenez:
Tell that to James. (Cut to James physically as he continues to weaken using the amulet)
Ellie Jimenez (Audio only):
Right now, James is sacrificing himself
Hunter Deno (Audio only):
To save us
Crosslyn Castillo (Audio only):
And to stop you by saving you as well. (The Scene changes to the same scene but this time with Marintina coming face to face with Crosslyn Castillo)
Marintina:
I think me and my sisters maybe too far gone to ever be who we once were.
Crosslyn Castillo:
So, live on through me (The Scene changes to the same scene but this time with Oceana coming face to face with Ellie Jimenez)
Ellie Jimenez:
By having me be in control of what you once were, you will be able to be one with me.
Oceana:
And if you are exposed? (The Scene changes to the same scene but this time with Aquafina coming face to face with Hunter Deno)
Hunter Deno:
We’ll be okay, I promise. (The two connect their hands together as it cuts to Crosslyn and Marintina standing hand to hand in the same stance as Hunter and Aquafina as well as Ellie and Oceana as the room spins each spirit becomes one, intercut with James getting weaker and coming closer to grab the hammer. Cut to the spirits becoming one and a bright light burst. Cut to the lobby as The Religious Sect, Team TLOTA, Linkara, ERod The Blockbuster Buster, David Yost and Rowdy wake up.)
Doug Yaun:
Is everyone okay?
Linkara:
Define, Okay? If Okay means that we survived getting our collective asses beat by three possessed women that were going to kill us then yeah, I guess we’re okay.
Rabbi Skullovitch:
Mein Gott that was a whopper. Who knew Shiksas were that powerful even possessed? (A Cough is heard as the camera turns to Hunter, Ellie and Crosslyn)
Hunter Deno:
We’re no longer possessed.
Ellie Jimenez:
We just needed to chat with that other part.
Crosslyn Castillo:
Now we’re one. We’ve got powers and abilities beyond others but we’re not going to use them for wrong reasons.
Hunter Deno:
And James... OH GOD! (Everyone rushes to see James covered in Red and Blue as the white portions of his shirt is stained with blood and has yet to regain consciousness even with Hunter ordering James to wake up. Cut to hours later as a doctor played by Nick Lopez steps into the waiting room.)
Dr. Lopez:
Well, given that when you brought him in he was beaten so badly we had the religious sect you brought in to give the guy their different last rites including... What did you call it? (Cut to the Religious Sect)
Rabbi Skullovitch:
Zord-Kadish, The prayer for the Power Ranger dead. (Cut to Dr. Lopez)
Dr. Lopez:
Right, And I was getting ready to call any family for what to do with him. The fact that he is still alive is a miracle. (Cut to James as he walks into the waiting room.)
TLOTA:
It’s not a miracle; it was my will after everything I’ve been through to survive another day that got me here.
Dr. Lopez:
Well, I still say you should take the next couple of weeks to coalesce here before you go back to whatever you do.
TLOTA:
I always followed the doctor’s orders, but I wanted to let everyone know I was okay and getting better.
Dr. Lopez:
Well, don’t be too long; get back to your room, stat. (Dr. Lopez walks away.)
TLOTA:
So, guys, I will be seeing you in April. (Cut to Team TLOTA as they say in unison, “Count on it!” Cut to James.) Rowdy, see you this summer; that baseball weekend is coming up. (Cut to Rowdy)
Rowdy:
Barring anything else, we should be fine. (Cut to David Yost)
David Yost:
And our friends have things to say. (Ellie, Hunter, and Crosslyn Walk to James)
Crosslyn Castillo:
Thank you for what you did.
Ellie Jimenez:
You gave those that possessed us some peace
Hunter Deno:
And our new abilities. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
You can thank me by moving on from me. I am good for a few, if not that much. If you excuse me, I think I have a hospital bed to occupy. (James begins to walk away as Erod the Blockbuster Buster shouts, “Look, James!” as it cuts to Erod the Blockbuster Buster.)
ERod The Blockbuster Buster:
When we fought in your review of “Wonder Woman,” you didn’t give up, and I didn’t want to have anything to do with you for a long time. Hell, every one of us goes through shit like we do, and we get ourselves sick inside having to live with it, so don’t just go back to the status quo of you accepting failure as if that’s all you have left to live for. You have to make it right for yourself or you’ll regret it every day of your life! We have one of the best jobs in the world and no I do not count what happened recently as a victory, you lost today for the wrong reasons, you lost your edge. Okay, I get that losing her has put you in a mindset that things aren’t improving. But the truth is, James, you didn’t have the same joy for this as you once did. When we did what we did in your review of “Wonder Woman,” you had a love for what we did that gave you an edge, and truth be told, you were almost worthy of the hammer, which for some reason lost its power. Now, you can get the love that gave you that edge back. So. guess what? I will be back later this year with a movie that will test if you still have it and maybe find that love you lost. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Can’t wait for what you bring me. (Cut to ERod The Blockbuster Buster)
ERod The Blockbuster Buster: You’ll know it. (Cut to James as he walks out of the waiting room. Fade to black.)
