(The scene begins with a black background and the words “The Last Of The Americans” in white as it cuts to James sitting in his office.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, now to clarify what it is that I said as to what I am reviewing and not reviewing next isn’t always easy. It depends on what I schedule and what it is that I can get as a request. If someone were to ask me to review “Doctor Strange and The Multiverse of Madness,” or whatever it is they want me to review then yes, I will review it. Otherwise, I do schedule a lot of what it is I do. Now onto the business of the next movie I am reviewing. (Cut to the X-Men/Wolverine movies as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
For many, the “X-Men” movies that started 25 years ago quickly played itself out by 2006 when the third movie tried to see if Hugh Jackman could hold a movie franchise of his own or star in a Wolverine movie franchise. However, the first try went about as well as a lead balloon, but I will try, and I mean TRY, to defend that movie in March. Then came James Mangold as “The Wolverine” was a lot better than “X-Men Origins: Wolverine,” but they needed a push to get something big to happen and thanks to a couple of movies that came out in the same period of 2014’s “X-Men: Days Of Future Past” and of course “Deadpool,” it gave 20th Century Fox the courage to try and do an R-rated “Wolverine” movie as Hugh Jackman decided that it should be his last ride as the Clawed Canadian Counter-hero. (Cut to James in his office)
TLOTA:
And what a last ride it was! (Cut to the title screen of “Logan” as it cuts to clips from the trailer as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Directed by the same person who made Indiana Jones’ last cinematic ride “Logan” was dark, it was gory and it showed Wolverine on his last few weeks of existence and how painful they were and even though there was pain, a brief glimpse of hope was held but would it save Logan from his fate or was it time for him to hang up the claws once and for all. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any time, this is “Logan”! (Cut to “Logan” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with a couple of punks trying to take the tires off a very bougie limo as the driver, who is sleeping off a rough night, tries to stop them and is gunned down for it. However, this one driver is our old pal Logan once again, played by Hugh Jackman as he shows his age, but it isn’t slowing down the adamantium rage within. What is slowing down is his healing factor as he grabs jobs doing Uber Limo rides in Texas and seeing Logan like this really sets the tone for his existence, he’s seen his former associates die, he’s seen so much and now he’s a shell of his former self. He’s bitter and angry, even ignoring a woman named Gabriela, who is begging for help. After getting some medication at a nearby hospital, Logan heads back to his shack outside of the Mexican border where he takes care of Professor Xavier played by Patrick Stewart, who has also seen his better days behind him with Xavier now having dementia issues. Without the medicine, his powers cause whopper episodic seizures that harm Xavier, Logan, and Caliban, played by Stephen Merchant. As we see Xavier tell Logan that their new mutants are being made. However, Logan tells no new Mutants haven’t been born in 25 years. Caliban tells Logan that he’s up to something, especially with the adamantium bullet he found and Logan’s issues. Logan gets back to work on limo driving when he gets a new pickup, Gabriela, and a girl named Laura, played by Dafne Keen. Gabriela tries to convince Logan to help her and Laura get to North Dakota for financial reasons. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
And to spoil who Laura is going to happen in due time! I’m not going to do that here and now. (Cut to “Logan” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Logan tells Xavier that he will be gone for a few days and will be back with a boat so the two can spend what little time they have left on the ocean in a boat. Getting back, Gabriela is dead, and Laura is taken in. However, it’s here that Logan is told that Laura is his daughter. Meanwhile, the tracker that has been following the two, played by Boyd Holbrook, is clocked unconscious by Laura. However, it’s here that the shit hits the fan as Laura shows her killer instincts and her claws, Caliban is captured, and Logan, Xavier, and Laura are now on the run from trackers. At one stop, we discover that Laura and others were genetically created at a lab run by Dr. Rice, played by Richard E. Grant, as we see a video that Gabriela was trying to get them out of harm's way when the head tracker, Pierce, whose actor is Boyd Halbrook has one thought about them they’re nothing but soulless monsters that is good for one thing, killing everything that Grant’s Lab and whichever government is willing to pay the highest price for says that needs to be wiped out of existence. Seeing their ride is trashed beyond salvage, our heroes take a night off at a casino in Oklahoma City, where they get new clothes, and Logan discovers that their pickup site in North Dakota isn’t Eden after the trackers find them and another of Charles’ seizures get Logan and the others back on the road in a pickup truck. On the way there, they help a farmer named Will Munson after an accident and find them at his farm, where Logan helps as best he can. While that’s going on, Charles remembers the incident that caused his current state, and he thinks he’s telling Logan this, but instead, it was a doppelganger known as X-24 who... (Show a clip of Charles Xavier dying because of X-24's claws. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Puts Professor Xavier out of his pain! (Cut to “Logan” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Yeah, something to note, this movie is SO Dark in its motif that not only does it work well in its color setting, but it also works in a black-and-white setting, which is how James Mangold wanted to show the movie in the first place. But I digress, X-24 decides to kill the family and make it look like Logan’s old Handiwork as Caliban takes himself out of the picture and many of Pierce’s soldiers save for X-24 because we must save him for the final fight. Burying Professor Charles Xavier in an unmarked plot of land, Logan handles the losses rather well. (Cut to Logan as he gets furious and then collapses in pain. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
For Logan, that is. (Cut to “Logan” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After getting medical attention for what he has been through, Laura tells Logan in Spanish that she needs him to get to North Dakota against his beliefs and desires. Eventually, he makes it there, meets the other kids, and gets ready to head to Canada when they are captured by Pierce and whatever soldiers he has left. Knowing his time is short, Logan gives himself a whopper of medicine to help him in the short run. Laura and the others are safe for a moment as one of them, named Rictor, is held at gunpoint by Pierce as Dr. Rice tells Logan that he is the man who killed his father and that it was Dr. Rice’s father that put the Adamantium in Logan and due to the crops Dr. Rice’s lab had made, the mutant race has been nearly made extinct. Pierce activates X-24 for the final battle as the kids take out the rest of the soldiers and Pierce. And then... (Show the battle of Logan against X-24 as Logan is killed, and Laura kills X-24 with the adamantium bullet. Logan tells Laura not to be the weapon they want her to be and dies in Laura’s arms. Cut to the finale as James does a voiceover) And with that, Laura says the same speech she heard at the end of “Shane” to eulogize Logan and turn his makeshift cross into an X symbolic of him being the Last X-Man to have sacrificed themselves for the future generation of Mutants. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was “Logan.” It's no wonder people love this one and how it still holds up. (Cut to clips of “Logan” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
To say that this was one of those movies that was awesome, dark, and dramatic and one of those movies that will hold up not because of the violence but because of the story of the last round-up of the Logan/Wolverine we had known since the start of the millennium and for fans of the character, this was how his story ended not in a final glorious victory against the bad guys but with him getting the peace that for all he had done eluded him while fighting for something he couldn’t get but was willing to do whatever it took to get, peace and a chance for a future. We all do it, whether the way Logan did or in our own way. If you haven’t seen it, what are you waiting for in the world? Check it out and see the last stand of James Logan Hewitt aka The Wolverine! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and Rest in Peace, Logan. (A voice from behind him says, “Something you will never do!”) Huh? (James turns around to see another woman come to fight him. He gets slammed out of his office and into the hallway; he sees Hunter cheering in his peripheral vision, and everyone else wonders what’s happening.)
Doug Yaun:
Another woman trying to kill James? How many women want him dead? (Cut to the woman as she picks up Doug by his throat)
The woman:
This body goes by Crosslyn Castillo; you and your friends can call me Marintina! (Crosslyn “Marintina” Castillo chucks Doug onto James like a ragdoll.)
Doug Yaun:
What is your deal with bad luck and women?
TLOTA:
I have not a goddamn clue. (James is picked up by his head as the scene cuts to Black)
