(The scene begins as we hear the opening of “Last Dance” by Donna Summer play in the foreground as we see Kyra Lee and Crosslyn Castillo getting ready to sing, going “Oooh!” Crosslyn sings the first lyric, then Kyra Lee. Then the two sing in harmony, “I need you... by me, beside me, to guide me, to hold me, to scold me.” Then Doug Yaun as Tom Hardy’s Eddie Brock comes in singing “Because when I’m bad, I’m so, so, bad!” Then we see Eddie Brock transform into “Venom,” voiced by Eric Kurtzke, as “Venom” sings. So let’s dance! The Last Dance!” Crosslyn then sings “Let’s Dance, the last dance!” Kyra Lee then sings “Let’s Dance, this last dance.” Then the three sing “Tonight!” “Venom” then sings the rest of the song, joined by Kyra Lee and Crosslyn Castillo, until the final shout of “Tonight” as Kyra Lee holds the note at the end of the word “Tonight” and glass begins to break. Cut to the lights as the bulbs break, Cut to Venom as he cries in pain before exploding. Cut to Kyra as she still holds the note, and the lenses don’t just break, they shatter into a billion pieces, leaving the audio the only thing available.)
TLOTA (Audio Only):
Don’t Cut! KYRA, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
Kyra Lee Of The Lacustrian Pod (Audio only):
Well, what did you expect from me, James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans? Asking a mermaid to sing is not bad in human theory but when a moment has one of us holding a note for a while, it has been known by my kind to shatter anything. The bottom of the oceans is littered with boats, bodies, and all sorts of stuff from Mermaids singing. Fun Fact about that “Titanic” event that happened over a century ago. My mom sang the notes that allowed the iceberg to remain strong against that ship.
TLOTA (Audio only):
Oh goodie!
Crosslyn Castillo (Audio only):
JESUS, MARY, JOSEPH, AND HIS TECHNOCOLOR DREAMCOAT! SHE DISINTEGRATED VENOM AND EDDIE BROCK!
Steve Kidd (Audio only):
Hey James, I have one question. WHO THE HELL HELD THAT NOTE LONG ENOUGH TO SHATTER THE GLASS ON MY RIDE’S CAR?!
TLOTA (Audio only):
Steve Kidd, meet the two new team members. Crosslyn, I’m sure Rowdy told you what happened.
Steve Kidd (Audio only):
Oh yeah, you were possessed by a mermaid’s spirit, and then you and two others in the same situation nearly killed my friend!
TLOTA (Audio only):
And this is...
Kyra Lee of The Lacustrian Pod (Audio only):
I am Kyra Lee of The Lacustrian pod. I am a recompense for what happened to James and his former other half.
Steve Kidd (Audio only):
I’m sorry, but what?
TLOTA (Audio only):
I’ll tell you as the intro plays! WILL SOMEONE HIT THE INTRO?
(Scene cuts to a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal, and it cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun.” is shown then slides away to different images of Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee and Crosslyn Castillo and the characters they’ve played until it cuts to their faces and the credits “Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee and Crosslyn Castillo is shown as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites, and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com" “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath” “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci” “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background, and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown laser etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song play. Cut to James being thrown into his office, and Steve Kidd joins him.)
Steve Kidd:
Okay, the past few years have been bad for you what with declining numbers, your latest and apparently last relationship having failed so badly that you’ve basically decided to use dating apps that have told you to give up, your reputation has been dragged below the mud and you are just hoping that something good happens, like say the complete destruction of society, yeah seriously you and Rowdy have been doom posting like there is no tomorrow. Now you have someone who claims to be from the same group that took her from you, essentially saying, “Here, take this one as an apology for us ruining one of the last few bright spots in your life.” ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE, OR ARE YOU SO BROKEN THAT YOU CAN’T SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING?
TLOTA:
Okay, Steve, enlighten me. What am I supposed to do? Let her loose without anyone to help her understand this madhouse of living today? (Coughing offscreen. Cut to Kyra Lee of The Lacustrian pod.)
Kyra Lee of The Lacustrian pod:
Forgive me, James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, but I wish to let you know the glass has been put into the recycling bin and all the glass that has been shattered has been replaced. (Cut to James and Steve)
TLOTA:
Thanks, and for the UMPTEENTH TIME! Just call me James. You don’t have to call me by the whole enchilada of “James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans!”
Steve Kidd:
And forgive me for saying this, but after everything he’s been through, I’m sort of on the fence about you, Kyra. My driver is on his way to Middletown!
Kyra Lee of The Lacustrian pod:
Well then, allow me to show you I am on the level. (Kyra Lee touches Steve’s arm and Steve feels relaxed as she looks into Steve’s head and Kyra reacts with inquisitive reactions, then Kyra lets go.) Are you sufficiently satisfied?
Steve Kidd:
For now, James, why don’t you do your next review, and I’ll just help with other things here.
TLOTA:
Thanks Steve. (James then sits down in his chair.) I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I’m about to express are those of my own and some of yours. Well, speaking of sinking ships as if I didn’t know what we’re going to deal with, let’s see the final nail in the SONY Spider-Man Spider-Man-less Universe! (Cut to different Marvel/ SONY Spider-Man Spider-Man-less universe as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After the success of the first two “Venom” movies, SONY thought that they had a cash cow by doing movies featuring Mobius which sucked (In more ways than one), Madame Web (Which I still stand by it not being as bad as everyone else thinks it is) and then Kraven The Hunter which is SO bad, that I will not touch that movie with my modified .303 Lee Enfield rifle! But as these movies went south at the box office, it became clear that this Spider-Man-less Spider-Man Universe was not going to end on a high note. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And yet, they tried to see if they could continue everything after they ended it. (Cut to the title card of “Venom: The Last Dance” as James does a voiceover over the clips from the trailer)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Released last year, “Venom: The Last Dance” might as well have been titled “Venom: The End of The SONY Spider-Man less Spider-Man Universe” because for as much as the first two were great enough for me to enjoy this one is going to be rougher on my colon than a Yogurt and Salad shot with a probiotic chaser! But will this compensate for the failures of the others, or will it compensate for the whole lot of them? (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s just get to it. This is “Venom: The Last Dance” (Cut to “Venom: The Last Dance” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens as we’re introduced to Knull, the God of the Void, played by Andy Serkis, the director of the previous entry, as he discusses how the symbiotes trapped him. However, he has discovered a codex that will let him out and has sent someone to retrieve it. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
The best advice I can give is not to go to either Smallville or Metropolis or mention Superman’s mom or not mention the last 12 years of the DC Movies, ever again, even though I will have to deal with Zack Snyder’s work for as long as my sanity can stand it. (Cut to “Venom: The Last Dance” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Promising his emissaries once he escapes and destroys the symbiotes, he will reward them/ with their freedom. We then cut to Eddie Brock post his pointless cameo in “No Way Home” as he is drunk and is sent back home, and Venom shares the sentiment of the current MCU fans. (Show clip of Venom saying, “I’m so done with the Multiverse shit!” Cut to James physically. )
TLOTA:
Aren’t we all, especially me, but just to make sure after traveling to those elseworlds, I still wonder. (James walks out to double check everything in the news, the TV Shows, and everything else in the world as Crosslyn Castillo walks by.) Hey Crosslyn.
Crosslyn Castillo:
Hi, what are you doing?
TLOTA:
Double-checking if I’m back in the real world.
Crosslyn Castillo:
You’ve dealt with mermaids, demons, Michael Myers twice, Mike Myers “Austin Powers” trilogy, had an Army of “Kate Gosselins” as you call them, try to beat you for being born a man, and now you think that this isn’t the real world?
TLOTA:
Point taken! (James walks away. Cut to “Venom: The Last Dance” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Venom decides to return and get blotto. We then get the backstory to “Let There Be Carnage,” explaining why he’s on the run and realizing he can’t return to San Francisco. Venom and Eddie decide to hit the road to New York to clear his name. Venom decides to pay the tab and leave a small part of himself with it. However, they have been tracked by something called a Xenophage. Meanwhile, the piece of Venom left behind is found by a soldier named Rex Strickland, played by Baron Mordo, not even kidding that IS Chiwetel Ejiofor as Rex Strickland, and he seems to have it out for Venom and all symbiotes. And apparently the reason Venom and Eddie are on the run, a murdered cop is alive and bonded by a symbiote at the recently decommissioned Area 51 as we’re also introduced to Dr. Paine and Sadie “Christmas” as researchers on the site and the murdered cop’s symbiote tells them the worst is about to come to their planet. As that’s going on, knowing they can’t get a flight without alerting every single law enforcement agency at one airport, they book their flight via Symbiote Airlines. Just as a Xenophage finds them, a fight breaks out mid-flight, putting the flight in danger. The plane is safe but Venom tells Eddie that shit has gotten real as they land in Nevada! (Show clip of Venom telling Eddie about a Xenophage and who Knull, the God of the Void, is.) Venom then tells and shows Eddie the Codex in him, and if Knull gets it, we can write this whole planet off. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And given our current state, I say please do so! (Cut to “Venom: The Last Dance” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Venom then tells that as long as Venom doesn’t fully come out, he and Eddie are safe. Venom then merges with a horse to see how far they can get on horsepower. Soon enough, Rex’s soldiers are after both Eddie and Venom, and so is the Xenophage. The murdered cop, who is named “Mulligan,” and his symbiote talk about Venom, Eddie, and the Codex and how to destroy it. Either Eddie or Venom must buy it, or we are all screwed! Eddie then comes upon a hippie family, and Venom thinks that they would be happy with a family. Eddie and Venom arrive in Las Vegas and, surprise, surprise, the only other actor from the last two movies that they can get because Michelle Williams and her character’s fiancée wanted more money than Tom Hardy to be in this movie... (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Oh, Hi Mrs. Chen! (Cut to “Venom: The Last Dance” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
One dance scene better than the one in “Joker: Folie A Deux” later, Eddie and Venom are fighting off another xenophage, captured and forcibly separated by Strickland and then both are captured and sent to Area 51. And here is where everything that hasn’t gone wrong now having gone that way as Eddie and Mulligan make peace (Cut to James physically as he says “Which is good.” Cut back to the movie as James does a voiceover.) Sadie reunites Venom with Eddie Brock, and they free the other confined symbiotes, one connecting to Dr. Paine, however Knull has decided to unleash EVERY SINGLE Xenophage under the sun and here we get a moment which every single comic book fan feel just as they did when The Late Great Tony Stark sacrificed himself to stop Thanos and when Wolverine and Deadpool did what they had to do to save their shared universe. Venom breaks the bond with Eddie Brock, merges with a Xenophage, and sacrifices himself, stopping Knull’s plans, leading all the others to the acid tank. Mulligan dies as a result of the attack, Strickland, mortally wounded, sets off grenades to blow everything up. Paine and her Symbiote combine to save Sadie as the base explodes, which revives her paralyzed arm, and Eddie is knocked out by the chaos. Waking up after that battle, Eddie, in exchange for getting his entire record expunged, keeps what he saw and did in Area 51 a secret. With that, the movie ends, Eddie is allowed to return to New York, seeing all the sights his other half would’ve loved to have seen. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Can’t forget either of the post-credit scenes. (Show both post-credit scenes. Cut to clips of “Venom: The Last Dance” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
So that was “Venom: The Last Dance,” and it was a good movie and a decently written movie thanks to Tom Hardy working on the writing for this. However, the humor didn’t always connect, the action was awesome for a film of this caliber, and I know that while it wasn’t as successful as the other two, I think this does end everything on a solid note. I liked the acting, I enjoyed the pacing, and for what it’s worth it could’ve been worse! It could have been on the same level as “Superman IV: The Quest For Peace,” “Spider-Man 3,” or “The Amazing Spider-Man" movies. If you’re looking for a good movie to watch this weekend, then do yourself a favor and put it on and just dance. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
For now, I'm going to take a break from Marvel’s movies and explore what else is out there. (Knock on the door) It’s open! (Cut to Crosslyn Castillo at the door.)
Crosslyn Castillo:
James, we’re going to the Bowling Center. Care to join us?
TLOTA:
You know what, I’ll pay for everyone. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and yep, it’s still 2025. I hope we can survive.
