The "13th" "Curse" Of The Last Of The Americans

(A Bolt of lightning strikes as the date "October 13, 2019" is seen. Cut to when Vincent Van Ghoul as played by Steve Kidd is uncomfortably close to James)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Oh thank the moon and stars, I have spared you from the curse.

TLOTA:
What curse?

Vincent Van Ghoul:
The Curse of this bad movie, every copy that is out there I put into the chest of demons because they are made from different pieces of the 13th ghost. This piece if unleashed will find the others and the curse will be unleashed.

TLOTA:
Okay, but what happens if all the pieces were brought together? Wouldn't that make the 13th ghost and bring it to life as well and unleash his curse?

Vincent Van Ghoul:
You know, I never thought about that! (Julia Alexa Miller walks in with two mugs of Warm, Spiced, Apple Cider)

Julia Alexa Miller:
About what? (Vincent turns around and James accidentally opens up the case as the scary/dramatic music used in the 1980's Scooby Doo series is played before slamming to black and James says "OH, POOPIE!" Cut to a DVD Case seen from above at a slight angle slowly rising to reveal the cover of the DVD of "Scooby Doo And The Curse Of The 13th Ghost as the opening music of "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby-Doo" Plays)

Vincent Van Ghoul (Voiceover):
This is a warning to all living Scooby Doo fans, that whomsoever opens up this DVD case shall unleash the 13th and final curse upon the face of the earth! (Cut to James as he grabs the DVD Case, it explodes and James does a Wilhelm Scream. Spirits and evil beings are unleashed as James, Olivia, Rebecca, Nick and Julia Alexa Miller run away from them. Show, John, Mike, Andrew, Ed, Renee, Paulo & Brenda run from another demon as two ghosts named "Michaud" and "DougnRob" stand as a demonic steamroller comes barreling towards them!)

Michaud (Played by Johnny Berchtold):
Let's get 'em DougnRob!

DougnRob (Played by Nick Slimmer):
I'm with you Michaud! (The demonic steamroller flattens them as they scream. Cut to a black screen as a Crystal ball comes up with an image of  Vincent Van Ghoul on it and everyone at Team TLOTA looks)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Only YOU can return the curse to the case! (Spark cut to James and Team TLOTA as James holds a Sonic Screwdriver and shouts "WHY ME?!" and Vincent replies "Because you let it out!". Cut to demons as they surround the team. Cut to Team TLOTA as they gasp in fear. Cut to more demons as James jumps up and screams in fear as a shadow covers everything. Cut to the darkness being stuffed back into the DVD Case and James sighs an "Oy". The DVD Case glows as Vincent Laughs Cut to a black background with and blood spelling "The 13th Curse Of The Last Of The Americans" and Vincent saying The Thirteenth Curse Of The Last Of The Americans. Fade to black Cut to still photo of James getting blasted by a mystical beam as the music from the title card of "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby-Doo" is heard and the words "The 13th Curse Of The Last Of The Americans" written by James Faraci. Cut to James as one second after the DVD case is open as James forces it closed!)

TLOTA:
Whew, Ave Maria! What just happened? ORAC, scan for any unusual energy signatures.

ORAC (Audio only):

According to the past several seconds a large energy pulse has come from the DVD Case you're holding.

TLOTA:
Enough to say bring the parts of a demon back together?

ORAC (Audio only):
Fortunately no, but enough of a pulse to summon followers of the demon enough to grab the Chest Right now. (James hits an alarm as the scene cuts to outside as a cult of people take possession of the chest. James shouts "HEY!" off screen as Team TLOTA take an action pose)

TLOTA:
Get out of the yard! (Cut to the Cultists and Team TLOTA as they collide. Cut to Team TLOTA as they look like they've gotten their collective backsides handed to them and James has an ice pack on his junk)

TLOTA:
Nice try guys and I mean it, you did your best.

Vincent Van Ghoul:
And if that was your best then it was putrid! They took the chest, they took your DVD, and even worse they have your lady friend,  Alex I think is her name. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well do your voodoo that you do so well to find out where the Chest and Alex are and I'll do my voodoo! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours! (Cut to the different incarnations of "Scooby-Doo" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
 "Scooby-Doo" is as far as I'm concerned an animated legend. His popularity has never wavered and he always seemed to be in the right place at the right time to put masked criminals away with his friends Norville "Shaggy" Rogers, Fred Jones, Daphne Blake and Velma Dinkley. This also set a template for Saturday Morning cartoons in the 1970's. A group of teens and their pet would see something supernatural, discover the mystery behind it and unveil the mastermind behind it. The multiple series starring the series by the mid 1970's the people in charge of the series felt the series needed something fresh so they added a new character. A nephew of Scooby's named Scrappy-Doo (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Now before I get a ton of messages and comments, Yes, I hated how they bastardized Scrappy in the first live action movie and yes I liked Scrappy up until then. I also wanted to say that yes I know I just defended Scrappy Doo. I await the worst from you. (Cut to the opening of "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo, then to clips of "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
By the mid 1980's the series was going to get a new twist with "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo".  The series had new characters in "Flim-Flam" and Vincent Van Ghoul played by the awesome Vincent Price. The plot was simple after accidentally opening up the legendary "Chest Of Demons" Scooby and Shaggy, Daphne, Flim-Flam, Scrappy must find a way to put the demons back where they came from. And for my money there's a reason that both the show is in my must watch on Halloween list and that the show is underrated, while it got a DVD release a few years ago, it never got a proper finale. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And for the record what I just saw... I'm still waiting! (Cut to the title card of "Scooby Doo and the Curse of the 13th Ghost. Cut to Clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
UGH! WHAT DID YOU DO WARNER BROTHERS? THIS WAS BASICALLY GIFT WRAPPED FOR YOU! HOW THEY BOTCHED THIS MAKES ME WONDER IF THEY ACTUALLY TRIED OR CARED TO DO NOT ONLY THIS MOVIE JUSTICE. WHAT THE LITERAL DEFINITION OF HELL? (Cut to James in his office)

TLOTA:
We've got no time to waste.

Vincent Van Ghoul (Offscreen):
Actually we're out of time! (Cut to Vincent Van Ghoul at James' office door)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
I know the location of the Chest and that of Alex, We must leave now! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Fortunately, I can go mobile and do my review this is "Scooby Doo and The Curse of the 13th Ghost! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie begins as we are reintroduced to Vincent Van Ghoul voiced this time by Maurice LaMarche and to his credit he does ninety-five percent approximately sounds like Vincent Price but when he doesn't, you can tell. But I digress, Vincent and his assistant Mortifer played by Nolan North are after the 13th and final ghost to the Chest of Demons. Umm, ex-squeeze me, I hate to be the bearer of Continuity but the people in the town that held the Chest Of Demons were the ones who captured the Ghosts and got cursed to becoming werewolves for it, Oh well, a minor continuity flub I'll let pass. Anyway Vincent and Mortifer are attacked by ghostly assistance to the demon. After our opening credits which quickly go through all of the episodes "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo", we are soon introduced to the Scooby gang. Fred and Scooby played by Frank Welker, Daphne played by Grey Griffin, Velma played by Kate Micucci and Shaggy played by Matthew Lillard as they're on a stakeout in yet another mystery when the cops apparently beat them to the punch and give them the option either be arrested or retire. The next day as they sell off their equipment and collectables. Except for when a Crystal Ball activates and Vincent calls the gang saying he's found the 13th ghost. (Show clip of Daphne admitting she never told them about the Chest Of Demons or the 13 ghosts. Cut to James in winter gear at the top of a mountain)

TLOTA :
A-are you (Shallow breaths) K-k-k-k-k-kidding me? Y-y-y-you never told Fred or Velma what happened? I'm freezing on top of a mountain freezing my Sonic Screwdriver off and You never told them? Daphne, YOU ARE A DUMBASS!

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Well she may have been a dumbass as you so less than eloquently put it but you were dumber for not taking the lift, like I did to make it here. Anyway I sense the Chest inside.

TLOTA:
And I sense Alex, let's go!

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Wait, What about a plan?

TLOTA:
I'll have a plan set up when I warm up inside that temple!

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

After unveiling the Mystery Machine mark II otherwise known as The Miss-tery Machine, the gang make it to Vincent Van Ghoul as they're attacked by Asmodeus, the 13th Ghost. As Vincent tries to hold off the Demon, Shaggy admits he sent the Chest Of Demons back to the temple at the Himalayas. So it's race to get to the Chest first. If Asmodeus gets it, the other 12 Ghosts are released. If the gang gets it, it's bye-bye Asmodeus. Apparently as part of the back story Vincent and his partner Mortifer found the Chest in King Solomon's Mine and unleashed it accidentally. Oh and before I forget Velma is as skeptical about the Ghosts as Lisa Simpson when it comes to others being right, Fred is now unsure of his place on the team and a Phantom car is on the hunt for them as well. Unless Bogle and Weird are behind the drivers seat, then this plot is POINTLESS as Breast Cancer is in "The Room". Yeah, I went there. (Show clip of Vincent using his creepy puns as everyone is standing there with a "Seriously" look on their faces and Vincent asks if there was too many puns. Cut to James physically as he just has regained feeling in his upper torso.)

TLOTA:
Let's count the puns and see if there are too many puns in it! (Show clip of Vincent using his creepy puns and a counter going "Ding" for every pun. Freeze on Vincent as he asks if there were too many puns as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
FOUR! THAT'S FOUR PUNS! THAT'S FOUR PUNS TOO MANY NOT ONLY FOR ONE STATEMENT! THAT'S FOUR PUNS TOO MANY FOR VINCENT VAN GHOUL! (Cut to Vincent and James)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Well there's a simple...

TLOTA:
SHUT UP! IT WASN'T GOOD WHEN GOSEI TRIED TO USE IT AND IT SURE AS HELL ISN'T GONNA WORK HERE!

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

As our protagonists continue in their journey, the Phantom Car from earlier and a man from the yard sale named Bernie Alan find their way to the temple. The best thing to do is to have Velma and Fred look for the package in the town Postal Service while Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby and Vincent follow Bernie and The Car. As The Phantom Car causes an avalanche, meanwhile as Velma and Fred keep looking for Shaggy's package they bump into a local played by Noshir Dalal and I'm going to go ahead and spoil who he is, It's Flim-Flam! Yes, the little kid that drove me completely cuckoo with his scams became that guy! How did that happen did he go to the Anakin Skywalker school of growing up? Anyway, Flim-Flam takes him to his shop full of ghostbusting gear. Meanwhile Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby and Vincent make it to the temple where Vincent tells them that as of late his powers has begun to wane and at it couldn't be at a worse time as Asmodeus has nabbed the Chest Of Demons and AHHHH...(Cut to a part of a temple as James screams and lands in a sanctuary)

TLOTA:
Now where am I? Okay, Not exactly where I hope I'd be and Vincent is... Not here. He must have sent me here to find something that I can use against the cult or maybe relax for some time before I (A whole lot of swords surround James) get captured. Would you mind if I continue my review? (Everyone else says "It's Alright!") Thanks! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Using the last bit of energy Vincent has, he gets Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby out of harms way. He is going to face Asmodeus on his own just as Velma and Fred literally drop in. It looks like all hope is lost when Fred... Well... Just watch! (Fred gets all inspirational and says he was in a Cheerleading camp over the same summer Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby were in "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo") REALLY?! A CHEERLEADING CAMP?!? AND NOW HE USES HIS CHEERS TO INSPIRE THE REST OF THE TEAM? WHAT EXPLANATION CAN THERE BE EXCEPT...wait a second.... (Cut to a defeated Vincent Van Ghoul and Julia Alexa Miller tied to a symbol as James is dragged in.)

TLOTA:

I knew it, I knew you had your filthy, disgusting hands in this. You and your kind make cockroaches look easy to kill! (Cut to the cult as their leader reveals herself to be the Lindsay Nagel exec.)

L.N. exec:
How long did it take for you to figure it out? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
As long as it took for me to know I hated this movie. Which was by this act. 

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Armed with new found confidence, Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby land in the tower and Velma, Fred and Flim-Flam join them reuniting everyone except for Scrappy. (Cut to Velma as she says "What's a Scrappy?" and Cut to the "What's A Paladin" bit from Spoony! Pause at Spoony screaming "F*CK YOU!) Yes people, I HAD to use that clip. It was the only one worth such a moment of irritating dumb!

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Anyway we discover that Asmodeus is actually Asamad Van Ghoul! WHAT?! (Cut to clip of Asamad becoming Asmodeus and being entrapped in the Chest Of Demons. Cut to a very irritated James)

TLOTA:

SERIOUSLY WHY SO MUCH BACKSTORY ON SOMETHING WE KNEW ENOUGH ON?! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel exec.)

L.N. exec:
Well our charts believed the more backstory and connection to Vincent would bolster his backstory. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
What about the fact that he graduated Terror Tech in 36!(Cut to the Lindsay Nagel exec.)

L.N. exec:

1936? (Cut to a tied down Vincent Van Ghoul)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
No, 36! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well even THAT doesn't matter as guess what?

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

As Asmodeus opens the chest, Velma discovers that the demon is in fact Mortifer! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! OH AND IT GETS BETTER THE DUDE FROM THE YARD SALE WAS GONNA BUY IT FOR TEN MILLION DOLLARS! AND THE STUPID JUST CONTINUES FROM HERE AS NOT ONLY IS THE DUDE FROM THE YARD SALE AN INTERNATIONAL AGENT AND THE CHEST IS IN FACT A COOLER FROM FLIM-FLAM! AND JUST TO PUT THE KIBOSH ON THE IDEA OF THE MYSTERY INC. CREW RETIRING, THE INTERNATIONAL AGENT SAYS YOU'RE GOOD TO SLEUTH! AND IF WE HAVEN'T REACHED THE TOP OF THE STUPIDITY PEAK MORTIFER TRIES TO ESCAPE IN THE PHANTOM CAR ONLY TO BE BURIED BY THE AVALANCHE AND THE SPIRIT OF ASAMAD VAN GHOUL IS APPARENTLY REDEEMED! AND AS FOR MORTIFER, HE ESCAPES BEING BURIED ONLY TO BE RECAPTURED BY INTERNATIONAL AGENTS. AND THE MOVIE ENDS WITH THE CHEST OF DEMONS BACK IN SCOOBY AND THE GANG'S POSSESSION AND VELMA NEARLY OPENING IT ONLY DECIDING NOT TO. AND THIS SCOOBY-DOOBY-PILE OF DOG DOO WITH VINCENT AND THE GANG SOLVING CRIMES IN HOPES TO FIND THE REAL 13TH GHOST. MEANING THAT ALL OF THIS MEANT NOTHING! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And you know what I did? Cause enough of a distraction for me to do THIS! (James pulls out a bottle of "Lotsa Luck Joy Juice" and a Sonic Screwdriver and the bottle explodes with the "Lotsa Luck Joy Juice" cutting through the bonds of Vincent Van Ghoul who rises up and uses a borrowed Sonic Screwdriver to unleash Julia Alexa Miller from the symbol and before Julia Alexa Miller can electrocute someone James holds her back and pulls out his morpher unveiling "G.O.H.F. Mode")

Julia Alexa Miller:
G.O.H.F. Mode?

TLOTA:
You'll see it and they'll feel it G.O.H.F. Mode! (James morphs into G.O.H.F. Mode as James transforms into the God Of Hell Fire and singing "Fire" by The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown" and unleashes demonic fire every direction the Lindsay Nagel exec and her cult during the first lyric and second chorus. During the second lyric The God Of Hell Fire seduces Julia Alexa Miller transforming her into a minion. The third chorus sees the Lindsay Nagel exec and her cult engulfed into a cage of fire and The God Of Hell Fire and Julia Alexa Miller engaging in a dance. The camera zooms into the robe as it turns into a flame with the face of The God Of Hell Fire as he sings "You're gonna burn!" and repeating "Burn" then laughing insanely as the Lindsay Nagel exec and her cult scream in fear. As The God Of Hell Fire begins the ending of his song a portal opens up slowly lowering them into the depths of hell! As The Lindsay Nagel exec screams for forgiveness The God Of Hell Fire exits James returning him to normal)

TLOTA:
What? (Cut to Vincent Van Ghoul)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
You must be a powerful practitioner of magicense to be able to become the God Of Hell Fire! How were able to summon him and a servant of The God Of Hell Fire (Julia Alexa Miller returns to normal)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Actually he could only do it once, it was a one off!

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Well how did you know that Lindsay Nagel was the head of the cult. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Oh it was simple, here's what happened. (Cut to Black and White clips corresponding to James' Dialogue/Voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
When those execs decided to make the movie, they only gave the series lip service. They paid off the test audiences and doctored charts to make this movie possible, it was going to be perfect, had they not put the movie out in the era of the Internet Reviewer. They couldn't control how the Internet reviewer thought or would react. It was going to be a fiasco. So the only logical conclusion was to get all the copies and infuse them with the spirit of the other 12 curses in order to stupefy everyone who'd watch it. How I stumbled upon it was simple. It was during the brawl, as I tried to fight off ten of them, Alex found the plan and gave it to me and a card letting me know who the leader was and everything else is history. (Cut to Vincent Van Ghoul and Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
That's amazing.

Vincent Van Ghoul:
How long did it take you to figure it out? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
About as long as it took for me to realize that this movie was the biggest pile of Scooby-Dooby-Doggy Doo-doo!(Cut to the movie as the end credits song of "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo" play while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

I'm going to give the movie the following in the positive column, One) Maurice LaMarche as Vincent Van Ghoul. Two) The Animation is better quality than a lot of the movies that has been present in these movies. Three) Even though it's half assed they did try to connect the series to the classic team but these are just minor things in what is a horrible movie that shouldn't have been that horrible. As I said earlier, this was a gift wrapped movie, it was so easy that even my six year old niece could've done it. Bottom line, whatever you may have thought about the series at least it was good enough to leave it open ended to have gotten something to think of a better finale than this accursed Demon Chest Droppings! (A Flame appears and Satan played by Paulo Fonseca goes through the flame)

Satan:
STOP FILLING THE LEVELS OF HELL WITH MORE HOLLYWOOD SCUM! I CAN'T FILL ANYMORE ROOM IN THAT LEVEL!  (Cut to Vincent Van Ghoul and Julia Alexa Miller)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
WHAT IN THE NAME OF BEELZEBUB?

Julia Alexa Miller:
Yeah, it's him, Satan, it'll be the last time this year. (Cut to James and Satan)

TLOTA:
What she just said!

Satan:
Fine, but make sure you let me...

TLOTA:
NO!

Satan:
Okay (Satan disappears into the fire. Cut to Vincent Van Ghoul)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
And now we say arrivederci and we hope you had fun... (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Watching me review this turkey, I think not. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion! (Cut to later as James takes Julia Alexa Miller through the Haunted House.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Oh WOW, That was scary and fun!

TLOTA:
Yeah it was, but not as scary as it's been since I asked. Worst thing has been the waiting.

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, I said I'd give you an answer in December.

TLOTA:
I know. (James and Julia kiss) Listen, when I get it, whatever happens, I'll take it like an adult.

Julia Alexa Miller:
Good to know, See you in December.

TLOTA:
See you then. (Cut to James as he sits on the loading dock and John Santos walks up to him)

John Santos:
Hey James.

TLOTA:
Hey John.

John Santos:
You know, I've noticed a change in you since August. What's going on?

TLOTA:
You and the others will know, soon.

John Santos:
How soon?

TLOTA:
Soon. See ya later dude.

John Santos:
Later James. (James walks away and John gets on the phone) Yeah, he's tight lipped, nothing not even a glimmer of an opportunity. Whatever it is, he's keeping it tight, not even his family knows. I know James, the second he wants to tell everyone, he will. (John sighs as it fades to black and the words "To Be Continued...In..."The Last Of The Americans: The Movie" Coming in 2020, Hopefully" and fade to black)

The Top 13 Charmed Episodes

(A Black screen with the words "3 & 1/2 weeks ago" appear on the screen. Cut to the Parking lot of James Faraci's Studio as the camera focuses on a cauldron in the Parking Lot of James' Studio. The Camera pans up to see Shannon Doherty, Rose McGowan, Holly Marie Combs & Alyssa Milano as they ready a spell to demolish everything)

Shannon Doherty:
Uh, do we have the right place?

Rose McGowan:
A man is here, he needs to DIE!

Holly Marie Combs:
Shannon, don't try to talk to her, she's determined to kill every guy who even thought about her and Alyssa, remember we placate her enough until we get her in the nut... (Thunderous boom is heard as lightning cracks the sky which sends the Cauldron flying through the sky)

Alyssa Milano:
Okay, obviously this is not normal! (Cut to James in his Halloween shirt as he holds the Sword of Caliverti up and lightning striking it and chanting in an unknown tongue as electricity engulfs James Faraci. Cut to Rose McGowan as she tries to attack James screaming "DIE MALE SCUM DIE!" repeatedly until a wayward bolt knocks her out. Cut to Shannon Doherty, Alyssa Milano and Holly Marie Combs as they look and see James)

Holly Marie Combs:
That is not the target I think Rose had in mind! HEY YOU! (Cut to James as he puts the sword down and the lightning no longer engulfs him and James acts normally)

TLOTA:
Yes!  (Cut to Shannon, Alyssa, Holly and a recently revived Rose.)

Rose McGowan:
Why are we not killing him?

Alyssa Milano:
Maybe it's not the target we're after.

Rose McGowan:
He's a man! HE MUST DIE! He sent me a message.

Alyssa Milano:
Wait, everyone check for this guy's e-mail address. What is it? (James Hands the ladies his E-Mail Address and the four look for his E-Mail Address) "A Countdown"? (Cut to Shannon Doherty)

Shannon Doherty:
"Top 13"

Rose McGowan:
"Because The Power of three added to ten gives the list a little extra power"

Holly Marie Combs:
"Spoilers will happen and I will be mentioning Obscurus Lupa a lot in the list"? Who's Obscurus Lupa (A voice mocking Holly Marie Combs's voice repeats what she just said. Cut to James)

TLOTA:
That would be Lupa! (Cut to Obscurus Lupa as she comes from out of nowhere)

Obscurus Lupa:
And you four have been nothing if not a gigantic pain in my ass outside of a bald headed prick that needs to get his ass kicked. (Cut to Rose McGowan)

Rose McGowan:
Give me ten minutes and where he is and I can make it look like a justifiable homicide! (Cut to Obscurus Lupa has a look on the face with the thought of "Maybe I should let her know where he is." James says "Lupa!")

Obscurus Lupa:
It was a thought. (Cut to Alyssa Milano)

Alyssa Milano:
Okay, we're so off track right now. So let's try to see what you were asking about. You wanted to talk about the Top 13 Episodes of "Charmed" (Cut to James and Lupa)

TLOTA:
That's right. (Cut to Shannon Doherty)

Shannon Doherty:
And half of the list will be from my tenure. (Cut to Rose McGowan)

Rose McGowan:
And Half from my tenure? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Yes and Yes there will be spoilers. All I need was your consent to do it. The rational person would either say yes or no! Not set up a coven to wipe me off the face of the earth! I mean yeah I've had bad experiences doing these types of countdowns. I had the Power Rangers go after me when I dealt with their series and last year Chai Romruen-Hansen went after me I think, not only for a retrospective I did in the summer of 2017 but also for a "What I wanted to see in the H2O/Mako Mermaids Movie" editorial last year! So do you say, can I do my countdown? (Cut to Shannon Doherty, Alyssa Milano and Rose McGowan)

Shannon Doherty:
Can we talk it over amongst ourselves. HOLLY!  (Cut to Holly Marie Combs as she speaks and Lupa repeats her mocking Holly's voice until finally Holly decides to mock Lupa's voice leading to Lupa mocking Holly Marie Combs' voice mocking her own voice! Shannon, Alyssa and Rose shout "STOP FEEDING INTO HER AND GET OVER HERE!" Holly Marie Combs walks away as the four talk in a huddled up position. Cut to James and Obscurus Lupa)

TLOTA:
Lupa, Why do you always rile your prey?

Obscurus Lupa:
What do you mean?

TLOTA:
You basically goaded Holly Marie Combs into mocking your voice and then you made yourself sound dumb and that's the last thing you are.

Obscurus Lupa:
Well thanks James-Bama for thinking so highly of me! Say if I ever do a "Movie Nights" what movies would you like me to check out?

TLOTA:
Well there are quite a few. I wrote them down in a list.

Obscurus Lupa:
Thank you oh wait, I think they've come to a decision. (Cut to the four as Rose McGowan walks to James)

Rose McGowan:
Okay, were it up to me I would only say "Yes" if I were to beat you to death and cover myself in your blood and other fluids! But since the others have as much say as I do, we all agree, You can do your funny little "Top 13" but know that if you do something stupid ever again, you...are...DEAD! (Rose McGowan walks away James turns towards his studio, Sighs then Rose McGowan runs up and tries to beat the living man-crap out of him! Cut to similar looking opening to "Charmed" with soundalike to "How Soon Is Now" by "Love Split Love" playing and the word structure is similar to "Charmed" as the words "The Last Of The Americans". In the flashes shows images of Halloween reviews past and it credits "James Faraci", "Paulo Fonseca", "Rebecca Yaun", "John Ross Santos", "Mike Santos", "Eric Kurtzke", "Renee Miller", "Nick Yaun", "Olivia Horvath", "Brenda Fonseca", "Andrew Beach", "Ed Champion", "And Julia Alexa Miller as Alex". Cut to time lapse footage of Sullivan County as it makes it to the present date as James just gets into his work office.)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The Views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (Cut to intro of "Charmed". Cut to clips of "Charmed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
In 1998 with the memories of "The Craft" only a few months in, the Warner Brothers Network or simply "The WB" was riding high with the series "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" being one of their biggest success stories which is why they tapped Aaron Spelling and his production company to come up with a series similar to "The Craft" even though from what has been discovered on-line is that the creators of "The Craft" had an idea for a show based on "The Craft" and it never got made. What they came up with was "Charmed", it lasted eight seasons which to many a critic is eight too many and by some miracle has obtained cult status. And today, I am going to countdown 12 of the best episode and one season that is the worst. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So let me preface this now, Yes, I am focusing on the classic eight seasons of the series, the Reboot that started last year I am not touching with a 428 yard pole. Spoilers, I make no promises on how many I will spill. Yes, Half the list will be from Shannon Doherty's tenure and the other half will be from Rose McGowan's tenure and finally... (James walks out of the office as Team TLOTA is being tortured by Obscurus Lupa's film selections.)

Obscurus Lupa:
MMM, Now that is some good stuff! (James walks over to Obscurus Lupa)

TLOTA:
This is Obscurus Lupa, I WILL be referencing her several times in this countdown.

Obscurus Lupa:
What countdown?

TLOTA:
The Top 13 Charmed Episodes! (Obscurus Lupa tries to kill James. Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown as an instrumental of "How Soon Is Now" by "Love Split Love" is shown as the words "The Top 13 Charmed Episodes" are displayed over the symbol of the "Book of Shadows" for two seconds. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 13

13) Season 8
(Show clips of  Season 8 of "Charmed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yeah let's address the elephant in the room, the clear reason this is the one season that gets it's own slot is because it was unnecessary. This is the equivalent season of the one time too many to go to the well. But before I begin ripping it a new one, I'm going to mention the few positives of the season. One, Kaley Cuoco, for most of the season, She was the only one written competently! A Crooked DA set up someone who looks like Piper's Alias in that episode. The person who is Piper's Alias is blackmailed and nearly killed. While "The Charmed Ones" squawk like chickens at each other "What should we do?" Billie played by Cuoco tells them to use Barbas The Demon of Fear as Inspiration to get the truth out of him. She uses a spell Piper inappropriately used when she was pregnant with Wyatt to help get over her fears and discover what happened to her sister. As a matter of fact when Billie believes she sees the true colors Piper, Phoebe and Paige she somehow convinces The Magical Community that The Charmed Ones are straight up EVIL and turn their back on the Charmed Ones. That's remarkably incredible. Two, Coop played by Victor Webster. I truly believe it was one of the better written love interests for Phoebe and this is just a theory why that is. I think maybe he was originally meant to be a redeemed Cole Turner reincarnated free of his demonic past, his full memories removed and turned by the forces of light into the man Phoebe was meant to be. Of course I might be wrong but overall I did like the character. Finally, We have the finale. And yes it's not the ending where The Charmed Ones are on one of Satan's skewers cooking on low roast for all eternity like Obscurus Lupa hoped, however for my tastes, it was serviceable.  The problem? THE FACT THIS SEASON HAPPENED! WHAT WAS THE POINT? THE SEVENTH SEASON ENDED THINGS IN A WAY THAT AN EIGHTH SEASON WHILE NOT POSSIBLE WAS PLAUSABLE. AGAIN LUPA GOT IT RIGHT WITH HOW IT SHOULD'VE BEEN WRITTEN AND DONE. AND THOSE FEW POSITIVES DOESN'T OUTWEIGH WHAT IS WRONG. FREEZING LEO, WRONG! DISGUISING THEMSELVES TO HIDE THE FACT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD, WRONG! RECYCLING PLOTS FROM EPISODES AND SEASONS PAST, WRONG! THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG THAT IS EQUAL TO THE FINAL SEASON OF MAKO MERMAIDS WRONG AND THAT SEASON SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED THE WAY IT DID EITHER! SO YEAH SEASON EIGHT OF "Charmed" FORGET IT!

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number 12

12) "Wrestling With Demons" from season 3 of "Charmed"

(Show clips of "Wrestling With Demons" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):Well if this didn't have Warner Brothers hands all over this episode. An ex-boyfriend of Prue is on the path of becoming a demon. So it's up to Prue and Phoebe to face off against two demonic wrestlers to save Prue's Ex. Also, this little bit of drama happens! (Show clip of Phoebe admitting to Prue that Cole is still alive. Show the rest of the episode as James does a voiceover) Admittedly It really does show how well the sisters can fight off the forces of evil in the ring! However seeing as how TimeWarner the parent company of Warner Brothers and at time The WB network & World Championship Wrestling, so I wouldn't be surprised if those who are in charge of WCW needed some bolstering for some of their superstars seeing as how their shows "Nitro" & "Thunder" were losing a ratings war. So someone there must've used some influence to get Buff Bagwell, "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner and Booker T a plum cameo spot but not even the Power Of Three could save WCW from it's fate. But still it is a really awesome episode and I can dig it SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number 11

11) "Hell Hath No Fury" from Season 4 of "Charmed"

(Show clips from "Hell Hath No Fury" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This was a really great episode which gave us a look the grieving process and though even though our loved ones we lost are gone, the pain  never leaves and for Piper, the pain of losing one sister was hard enough but then to discover you have another sister and somehow even though it will be hard as all get out to accept the changes after they pass. And for Piper her way to grieve is to be so suicidal that she actually denies her pain and acts so dumb everyone else is worried that she will be the next to go if she doesn't get over her anger and accept things are different, she'll never get over what happened and it will kill her worse than any demon attack. But thankfully Paige and Leo force her to confront what's wrong and when that happened Piper was able to accept that Prue was gone and Paige would be someone she'd have to confide in and help in her journey as much as Piper could. A well written episode in a really good season.

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number 10

10) "Morality Bites" from Season 2 of "Charmed"

(Show Clips of "Morality Bites" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Okay yes this is the episode that Obscurus Lupa said started out with the Charmed Ones abusing their powers from keeping Dog Feces from being dropped on their lawn. And apparently it started a chain reaction which led Prue to be blonde and as cold blooded as a demon, Phoebe to be arrested and killed by the D.A. who happened to be the guy who let his dog defecate the Manor's lawn, and Piper to be Leo's Ex-Wife and have a daughter Melinda. So yeah, even though it may have been bad for the three, it's even worse for those in the world they made all because they misused their powers once at least this season. Knowing me there's so many more Obscurus Lupa mentioned that I didn't. So yeah, Thanks Lupa-Bama!

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number 9

9) "A Paige From The Past" from Season 4 of "Charmed"

(Show clips of "A Paige From The Past" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yep an episode on going into Paige's backstory. Apparently as Piper and Paige are bailing Cole out for reasons, A car accident happens which causes Paige to freeze as Piper and Cole rescue the people in the car. Why did she do that? Because apparently she was there when her adoptive parents were killed in a horrendous car accident, however Paige's memories were so hazy on the details. So Paige and Leo go back in time to relive the day. While Paige tries to rework things to her advantage, even fate can't be cheated. The Car Accident happens the same day she discovers her orbing power. While that is going on two spirits possess Phoebe and Cole. So a normal Tuesday for them. All joking aside, this is one of the best developmental episodes for Paige. This is what was necessary for us to get to know Paige and the hows and the why the way she is. "Makes It Easy"? Yeah but hey what can I say any episode that was willing to give us anything on a character is a good port in the storm.

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number 8

8) "The Wedding From Hell" from Season 1 of "Charmed"

(Show Clips of "The Wedding From Hell" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Call me cuckoo but this was a fun episode and I enjoyed it. A Demon replaces the human bride due to a magical contract she has with the groom's mother. In the meanwhile Phoebe believes the vision she had is one in which she thinks Piper is a demon, even though she's just catering the event, and tries to kill her own flesh and blood sister! I SH*T YOU NOT! Fortunately sanity takes hold as they and the real bride save the groom.  Noting much left to say but it was fun and I liked it

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number 7

7) "We're Off To See The Wizard" from season 4 and "Centennial Charmed" from season 5 of "Charmed"

(Cut to clips of both episodes as James does a voiceover from both episodes)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
I put both of these in the same spot because they are two points in believe it or not the development of Cole Turner played by Julian McMahon, (Cut to a still of Vince McMahon in which James shouts "NO RELATION WHATSOEVER!" Cut to clips of "We're Off To See The Wizard" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Let's start with "We're Off To See The Wizard".With Cole struggling to come to terms with having the power of The Source in him, A Wizard played by Armin Shimerman tries to grab The book of dark magic known as The Grimoire which if you remember from my review of "WitchHaven", I was surprised at Emilia's Book of Magic being called that was a shocking reference. So Shocking I took out a part of a wall and the door to my old office! But I digress, it's in this episode that the secret of Cole being The Source Of Evil is known to everyone involved, The Charmed Ones, their whitelighter/Piper's punching bag er um Husband Leo played by Brian Krause.  All the while that is happening "The Seer" played by Debbi Morgan is slowly but surely trying to manage fate to move things her way. While that is happening Phoebe discovers she's pregnant, so yeah the timing could NOT be worse for everyone and everything happening. So what to do? Allow the Wizard access to the Grimoire, Have him nearly take the power of the source out of Cole only for Phoebe to Kill the Wizard, allowing evil to win and Cole to take Phoebe to be his new queen of the underworld (Cut to the clip from "Naked Gun 33 & 1/3" where everyone facepalms themselves. Cut to Clips of "Centennial Charmed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Now we come up to "Centennial Charmed" as Cole having been the writer's whipping boy throughout the fifth season having be a human with demonic powers, to being somewhat of an ally to being insane and siding with a group of dark magical beings known as "Avatars" and no I do not mean the "Avatar" as in the James Cameron movie or the "Avatar" as in "Aang" or "Korra", I mean demons and fallen witches and wizards who with their powers believe if they both sides of the coin then whatever happens and we will see them again on the list. But I digress Cole in the episode officially joins them and then uses them to regain Phoebe. The Price? He's no longer protected by his new powerful friends and Paige is dead in that alternate reality! However as Cole did what he did to change things Paige was in Mid-Orb meaning where he went, Paige followed however as Paige discovers what's going on, She, Piper and Leo decide to chance sending Cole straight to hell one last time and with as miserable as Phoebe would be in the alternate universe, there's no way... (Show clip of Cole as he dies in painful agony. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Now what could they have in common? Well, Apparently in behind the scenes stories. According to Armin, The episode he was in, was THE WORST EXPERIENCE IN HIS ENTIRE CAREER! (Show clip of Armin Shimerman talking briefly about how much he hated being on "Charmed" before cutting back to James Physically) YES! THAT IS HOW MUCH HE HATED BEING ON ONE EPISODE OF "CHARMED"! AND THIS IS A GUY WHO WHEN THE L.A. EARTHQUAKES HAPPENED, DROVE HOME IN FULL STAR TREK DS9 COSTUME, MAKEUP AND APPLIANCES GETTING LOOKED AT LIKE A WEIRDO DOWN THE HIGHWAYS OF LOS ANGELES, A MAN WHOSE CHARACTER WAS TURNED INTO DEMON CHOW AT THE END OF THE THIRD SEASON OF "BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER" AND BEING ON "CHARMED" WAS THE WORST EXPERIENCE IN HIS ENTIRE CAREER! AVE MARIA! So what on earth caused Julian McMahon to leave, Excuse me for a moment (Cut to Obscurus Lupa as she smiles after watching another movie choice of hers as the other members of Team TLOTA plan in secret on trying to kill Obscurus Lupa while she prepares to put on another Cynthia Rothrock movie as James comes in)

TLOTA:
Hey Lupa, Why did Julian McMahon in the fifth season of "Charmed"? (Cut to Obscurus Lupa)

Obscurus Lupa:
Okay, how much time do you need? (Cut to James hoping on to the couch)

TLOTA:
As much as you can use! (Obscurus Lupa walks over to James)

Obscurus Lupa:
Okay here's the scenario. According to an interview from Brad Kern. He wanted to set up a love triangle between Paige, Cole & Phoebe! In the season five premiere along with screwing up the spell to find Mylie and making Phoebe a mermaid, Paige was gonna screw up that whole "Making someone feel what the other person's feelings" spell making Cole and Paige kiss and feel romantic emotions for each other, that would set up a whole cluster of tension and possible good storys. Alyssa, Rose and Holly read it and automatically shut that down! This led to Julian to leave because of repetition and after what they did to him in season five, it doesn't surprise me! Now, why don't you... (Cut to Obscurus Lupa looking through James' movies)

Obscurus Lupa:
Take a break from frying your brains on Charmed and join me for some AH! "China O'Brien"! Now this is gonna be Cynthia Rothrock at (Obscurus Lupa turns and sees an empty couch) her fi... James? What the....? Where did he go? (Obscurus Lupa looks around and fades to

black then fade into the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro as it cuts to James in his living room)

James Faraci:

Hey everyone, again coming up with an update on the GoFundMe and my brother. He’s improving but slowly and the family still needs the money from the GoFundMe to help with the day to day living expenditures and it is not getting easier or better and since it is October it'd be a nice treat to see the GoFundMe to reach it's goal. When there is a charity event, I will talk about it, but for now the GoFundMe is the only support to the family that can help ease things. Click on the link below and do what you know what you must do and thanks once again.

https://www.gofundme.com/s3pbfh-rob039s-recovery?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=fb_dn_cpgnsharemore_r&fbclid=IwAR3bJnEB5p_se2LUG_0gvjfoE7nSQwyBsSmerkU5o6afQX0cl49znnL7zk0

(James fades to black before fading to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fade cutting to Obscurus Lupa as she looks for James as it cuts to James as hides down in the basement in his office as he sees others prepping weapons and traps and other means to kill and James eventually hides in the laundry room. Just as Julia Alexa Miller and Obscurus Lupa talk about certain things, James goes into the laundry room)

TLOTA:

As you can tell, my plate is getting full quicker than how I want it to happen and my team is starting to become psychotic! So I have very little to no time to rest. Let's get back to it! Number Six!

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number 6 on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows". Cut to Clips of "All Halliwell's Eve" as James does a voiceover)

6) "All Halliwell's Eve from season 3 of "Charmed"

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Seeing how it is Halloween season, it'd be fitting to put on the better of the two Halloween based episodes on this list. And by Better I mean easier to sit through. It's Halloween and wouldn't you know, Piper is in on having fun as is Prue during this time, Phoebe is less than excited. So what to do to get the sisters on the same page? Send them back to the colonial times so they can learn not only about the roots of their magical abilities but also the history of the holiday and how it can be for witches like themselves also they have to save Melinda Warren from being born into evil. All the while Leo and Darryl have to hold down the fort and keep Two Grimlocks from destroying people.  So a typical Halloween for the Charmed Ones and to be honest, it's actually one of best episodes of the series. Not too bad a title for an episode from this series! 

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number 5

5) "A Witch's Tail" from Season 5 of Charmed

(Show Clips of "A Witch's Tail" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yeah, Yeah, It's the infamous Mermaid Episode of "Charmed" that started off the fifth season and to the surprise of the many who don't know me, yeah this is my guilty pleasure episode of the series. Okay, so here's the scenario, Cole after what happened in the fourth season finale was sent back to hell again, but this time offscreen and Phoebe decides the best way to be free of him is to file a default divorce. Which goes awry as Cole returns. While dealing with that, Paige becomes a full time social worker and Piper prepares for motherhood. And in the middle of that The Charmed Ones find a mermaid named Mylie played by Jaime Pressly who has discovered love in a man named Craig. However The Sea Hag, the SAME Sea Hag that murdered The Charmed Ones' Mother wants the mermaid to steal the immortality of Mylie for Necron. So with Paige's spell they accidentally turn Phoebe into a mermaid and I'm positive Cole's return played a part in it and in reversing it. Thanks to Paige trusting her instincts. So Yeah, it's a personal favorite of mine and I know

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number 4

4) "All Hell Breaks Loose" from Season 3 of "Charmed"

(Show Clips of "All Hell Breaks Loose" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Talk about a way to end a season and give a character a send-off in a way she'd never return and there's a reason why. Apparently Shannon Doherty from the end of the first season forward until this episode was disappointed with the series and was begging to either have something good happen to Prue or be let go. The result being they fired Shannon Doherty after she directed this season's finale which this episode is by the by. The plot of the episode involves Piper and Prue keeping a doctor safe from the demon Shax but are accidentally exposed on TV. So what to do? Have Phoebe go but not stay in the Underworld, take Leo along, find Cole and the demon Tempus, make a deal with said demon to reverse the damage but the price would be one of the two had to die along with the Innocent Doctor. After watching this, it left questions for the audience to ask. "What would happen to the Charmed Ones?", "Who would survive?", "How can the series continue?" That is how you make a great episode of the series.

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number 3

3) "Witchness Protection" from Season 7 of "Charmed"

(Show Clips of "Witchness Protection" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Leo, who at this point in time has become an Avatar, Now has to convince the Charmed Ones to protect the Seer Kyra played by "Buffy/Angel" Alum Charisma Carpenter. She has information that could end the Demons once for all and in return she wants to be human. However the demons seeing and knowing their enemies were multiplying by the bushel they decide to unleash someone so evil that even the Source banished him and the fact they actually did unleash Zankou played by Oded Fehr and by the end of the episode when the Charmed Ones fail to save Kyra, when they should've thrown Leo out to the Wolves, when the Charmed Ones SHOULD'VE decided "Okay, We need to try and unite our enemies and friends and take out every SINGLE FORCE OF EVIL. WHAT DO THEY DO? THEY SIDE WITH THE AVATARS TO WIPE THE WORLD CLEAN OF THE BALANCE! AVE MARIA! To many fans this was the trip to cowardice is ONE too many! The one face/heel turn from The Big Show too far! To many this was the one ending of the episode where they should've realized that the only thing left to do was to go down fighting but instead, this is the time where Obscurus Lupa should've gone full force with her disdain of the actions of the characters! But even with that ending, I thought this was one of the better episodes before the ending of the series. I was left emotional turmoil as to where I would stand in such a situation and my answer would be AS FAR AWAY AS I COULD FROM THESE COWARDS!

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown. Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number 2


2)"Something Wicca This Way Comes" from Season 1 of "Charmed"

(Show Clips of "Something Wicca This Way Comes" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yeah the Pilot episode is The best of Shannon Doherty's tenure and it comes to the surprise of no one, It really did set the premise up quickly, showed what the sisters had been through, showed who they were. The reward? It was until the airing of the pilot of "Smallville" The Highest Rated Premiere on the WB! That's incredible. And I do applaud everyone who had to deal with re-writes, re-castings and all the delays in making the episode. It paid off with it being one of the longest running series to have women in the lead roles and while it did copy the whole Monster of the day equal to the problem of the day from "Buffy" I believe it is equivalent to be something that would have as long a shelf life after the series ends and goes to syndication and streaming heaven. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

Now before we get to Number One, let's get to some Honorable... (Team TLOTA shout off screen "WE'VE GOT HER!) One moment. (Cut to Team TLOTA as they take a photo of the satchel that holds their prey and they all take a photo together with a selfie stick)

John Ross Santos:
So what to do with her?

Paulo Fonseca:
I say we make her sit through "The Last Airbender"

Brenda Fonseca:
No, either "Avatar" Or "Titanic"!

Rebecca Yaun:
I'm thinking a four movie Marathon all "Marvel's The Avengers" movies, including "Endgame"

Mike Santos:
No, I Say we...

Olivia Horvath:
I say we let who we got in there out.

Ed Champion:
Why? So She can torture us with another Cynthia Rothrock movie?

Andrew Beach:
Or we hear how if any other movie that's not in her favorite ever list is crap! NUH-UH!  We're taking her...

Obscurus Lupa (Audio only):
Who are you taking where? (Team TLOTA turn their heads to the left. Camera pans over to James and Obscurus Lupa. Cut to Team TLOTA)

Renee Miller:
Wait, if Lupa is there then who's in the sack? (The dull sounds of a female screaming about how she'll gut them all, how she'll drink her weight in their blood and the female continues to scream about how she'll kill them all in ways that'd make even the most sociopathic murderers toss their cookies as James quietly says to everyone "Quietly, Get Out Of Here!" and everyone does so. Cut to James quietly closing the door as everyone else heads up the stairs. James quietly closes the door to the stairway)

TLOTA (Quietly):
As I was trying to say beforehand here are some Honorable Mentions

(Cut to the symbol of the "Book Of Shadows" as different clips of "Charmed" are shown as are the titles "Witch Way Now?"(My apologies to every Bruce Campbell fan for not putting this on the list", "The Day The Magic Died", "95 % of Season 6", "A Call To Arms", "Chick Flick", "P3 H2O", "Just Harried", "Marry-Go-Round", "Oh My Goddess", "Deja Vu All Over Again", "That 70's Episode", "Witch Trial", "Astral Monkey" "Most of Season 7 (Not counting what's at Number One and speaking of what's there, James gives you what's at there right now)". Cut to the Symbol of "The Book Of Shadows" Show the number on the symbol of "Book Of Shadows")

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And the Number one episode of "Charmed" is...

1) "Something Wicca This Way Goes" from season 7 of "Charmed"

(Show Clips of "Something Wicca This Way Goes" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Once Again like with "Mako Mermaids" the episode that SHOULD'VE ended the series but didn't is at the top of the list. Here's what happened leading up to this episode Zankou wanted the Power Of The Nexus after failing in the episode after the 150th episode. Zankou played the slow game making everyone wonder what he'd do. In the episode before this one, he kills a potential love interest of Phoebe's brings him back from the dead, Kills a charge of Paige's only to bring her back and a detective who wanted Cole Turner and died years ago, Zankou revives only to get his hands on the Book Of Shadows. Now for the finale, with their backs to the wall the three are left with no other options than to go down fighting... just like they should've done in the FIRST PLACE! Okay Calming down now. The point is after multiple attacks which involves Piper and Phoebe being stripped of their powers, the Charmed Ones decide to use the spell in the Book Of Shadows that can destroy the Nexus once and for all. While that is happening the federal government decide to come in after Inspector Sheridan played by Jenya Leno gets incinerated by Zankou. The finale of the episode if the series had ended here would've been on par with the "Buffy" finale. But the fact it was so good, that the only place on this countdown would be at the Number One spot. (Cut To James and Team TLOTA carefully pack a crate that's shaking and spouting "Killing Males" rhetoric)

TLOTA:
If there's any episode that I missed and you think belongs here then post them in the comments section below. Okay Brian that'll do 'er! (Cut to Brian Krause as he steps out of the car)

Brian Krause:
Thanks for keeping her killing anyone. (Cut to James as he walks up to Brian)

TLOTA:
My Pleasure, so tell me why do you put up with such hooey from them, even her? (Obscurus Lupa pops up from out of nowhere)

Obscurus Lupa:
Isn't it obvious James? This guy has been whipped by Holly, Shannon, Rose and Alyssa that he'll smile that stupid emotionless smile and go "Okay" that is the sign of a relationship nightmare. (Cut to Brian)

Brian Krause:
I'm not whipped!

Rose McGowan (Audio only from inside the Crate):
BRIAN! IS THAT YOU? LET ME OUT NOW AND I'LL KILL YOU LAST! (James grabs Brian's hand and nods "No!")

Brian Krause:
Relax, once I bring her home, she'll calm down. Well, thanks for putting up with so much.

TLOTA:
I'm from Liberty New York, What did you expect? I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's My Opinion! (Brian's Truck drives off and a pebble hits James in the head cutting him and the sound of wood being smashed and a crazy woman shouting "BLOOD!" repeatedly until James turns. Cut to A feral Rose McGowan as she screams "KILL" repeatedly running towards James. Cut to James as he screams. Cut to hours later as everyone in Team TLOTA walk out of the studio.)

Olivia Horvath:
It's a good thing We had that maximum strength Tranquilizer Dart.

John Santos:
It was bad, thankfully he's bandaged and resting comfortably.

Mike Santos:
Tell me about it, Rose had his entire package in her mouth and if Ed missed, it would've been nasty.

Renee Miller:
Nasty is an understatement. He'll have her teeth marks there for the rest of his life.

Rebecca Yaun:
Gonna be hard for James to anything except pee for a while.

Nick Yaun:
You mean... (Rebecca Nods) Guys, A moment of silence for James' manhood temporarily being shut down (Everyone bows their heads in silence for one minute as Julia Alexa Miller breaks the silence as Julia Alexa Miller comes in with the Haunted House gear)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Hey what's going on? (Cut to James as he coalesces on the couch)

TLOTA:
What a year, It's nearly over and if I survive with my luck, I'll get a "I survived 2019 and all I got was this lousy Tee Shirt" Tee Shirt! (Sighs) (Julia Alexa Miller opens the door and walks over to James) So what's up?

Julia Alexa Miller:
The next time a crazy woman, even if it's Rose McGowan let me know so I can help.

TLOTA:
It was a sneak attack. Okay, next time, I'll let you know okay. (James and Julia Alexa Miller kiss.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Thank you. What's this? (Julia Alexa Miller picks up a DVD Case) "Scooby Doo and The Curse Of The 13th Ghost". What is it?

TLOTA:
A movie that is supposed to give closure to an underrated series in the Scooby Doo Franchise that I happen to really like. Whether it does or not, I have no idea, Haven't seen it.

Julia Alexa Miller:
Well why don't I get us some warm spiced apple cider and you pop this into the player!

TLOTA:
Sounds nice. (James gets up and gets ready to open the case as a voice yells "STOP!". Cut to the Door as Vincent Van Ghoul played by Steve Kidd runs towards James)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Tell me you have not opened the DVD Case?

TLOTA:
I was just about to...

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Oh thank the moon and stars, I have spared you from the curse.

TLOTA:
What curse?

Vincent Van Ghoul:
The Curse of this bad movie, every copy that is out there I put into the chest of demons because they are made from different pieces of the 13th ghost. This piece if unleashed will find the others and the curse will be unleashed.

TLOTA:
Okay, but what happens if all the pieces were brought together? Wouldn't that make the 13th ghost and bring it to life as well and unleash his curse?

Vincent Van Ghoul:
You know, I never thought about that! (Julia Alexa Miller walks in with two mugs of Warm, Spiced, Apple Cider)

Julia Alexa Miller:
About what? (Vincent turns around and James accidentally opens up the case as the scary/dramatic music used in the 1980's Scooby Doo series is played before slamming to black and James says "OH, POOPIE!")