Is there a real "Superman Curse"?

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. With the recent passing of Margot Kidder and of course it being Superman's 80th birthday, a lot of people have been talking about something that needs to be de-mystified. The "Curse Of Superman"! (Cut to different iterations of Superman in either live action or animated forms as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I mean it's not hard to understand how this supposed curse came to be! When Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster lost the rights to Superman to DC Comics they were plenty angry and for many of Superman fans many believe Siegel and Shuster planted the curse and the biggest victim is that of the "Curse" if there is one IS Superman, When George Reeves died in 1959 many believed it was either murder or suicide due to depression caused by being Superman. But I never put stock into that because by that point in George's career he seemed to be glad to be Superman and was looking forward towards doing more behind the scenes work including more directing episodes as much as he was acting in them and many believed this curse began when Reeves died, however the character seemed to be going strong in terms of Comic Book sales that is until November of 1963 Superman was at heights many superheroes now know of and there was going to be an issue in one of his comic books in which he and John Kennedy the President at the time were going to be together talking about the Space Program. I'm certain what happened to John Kennedy in November of 1963 pretty much put the bullet in Superman's popularity because after Kennedy died sales of his comics went down the toilet and an animated series that had Clayton "Bud" Collier returning after performing the character in Radio shows and the Fleischer Studios Cartoons was mainly seen as awful. There was a Broadway musical that tried to emulate the style of the Adam West Batman series to hopefully recapture some of the ground he lost but it fell to earth faster than a speeding bullet and a late night special that was adapted from the musical is so universally panned there is no known copy of it on DVD, yet somehow I found a Bootleg copy of it on YouTube. Don't ask me how, I found it and let's leave it at that. One of the ways the curse hurt Superman was when Editor Julius Schwarz made some dumbass decisions like making Clark a TV News Reporter, Lois be adamant towards her disdain towards Superman and some ideas like nixing Kryptonite and turning it into red Solar Radiation that can weaken Superman. So I was glad when Crisis On Infinite Earths happened because after that event comic they rebooted the character back to the core essence and thankfully even with the new 52 messing around a bit with changing him again DC got him back working at The Daily Planet, married to Lois Lane and from what I've read, they have a kid together so Mazel Tov to that. But that didn't mean the Curse didn't hurt Superman before that point. I refer you to the fact that had it not been for Standards & Practices every single Fire Island/San Francisco joke landing on the last son of Krypton in the "Superfriends" animated series. Meanwhile Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster must've been angrier than ever when it was discovered that Warner Brothers which at that point owned DC Comics in conjunction with Alexander & Ilya Salkind were going to make an 80 Million Dollar Blockbuster directed by Richard Donner, written by Mario Puzo, having Marlon Brando play Jor-El and all of that happening while the creators were scrapping by on minimum wage? Neal Adams, famed Comic Book Writer, Inker, Penciler, Editor and Publisher wasn't gonna have any of that! Neal Adams made a series of public appearances for the creators and have the duo tell their story as DC made millions while they made Peanuts in terms of financial success and the fact they weren't being credited as the creators of Superman. In essence, Neal Adams nearly committed Career Suicide to help Siegel & Shuster and it worked out the best for everyone. Not only did they get DC to give them royalties and a pension plan so the two can live comfortably the rest of their lives, Neal Adams got Siegel and Shuster the right to be re-recognized as the creators of Superman and in 2013 there was a settlement between DC and the Estates of Siegel and Shuster in terms of the Rights of Superman. Now you think that proverbial curse would end? To which I say "Have you not heard the behind the scenes chaos that happened during production?". While the first movie remains one of the best movies ever made, it's no surprise Superman II, Superman III, Supergirl & Superman IV are the way they are nor did it come to no surprise when DC thought the only way to revive interest in the character was to plan a wedding between Lois and Clark after not only having Lois discover Superman's secret of him being Clark Ken and they planned a funeral! I am of course talking about "The Death Of Superman" comic book storyline while sales went through the roof it also left everyone in the creative bullpen who worked on the story stymied on how to remedy the solution so they went all in with all the ideas. While it worked the curse apparently struck again as "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman" did decently in their first season, everyone in the creative side, Tracy Scoggins and Michael Landes were let go! But it didn't hurt the series run. In fact they had some pretty awesome episodes ranging from adventures with H.G. Wells to the second season finale in which Clark proposes to Lois with whom she had been dating apparently during this season and in the next season's opener well... (Show clip of Lois saying "Who's asking, Clark...Or Superman before cutting to James physically as he is left dumbstruck before returning to the clips of the series and other Superman incarnations as he does a voiceover) 

TLOTA(Voiceover):
That's right people, Lois discovered naturally that Clark Kent is Superman and throughout that third season the series went into unique places like having Nazis return to try and take over the United States and a psych-out moment that might've sent the series south when it's revealed that Lois Lane is in fact...A FROG EATING CLONE! WHAT?! Who in the writers room licked frogs and downed 100 lbs. of the Kryptonite Green Brownies to come up with such a whacked out convolution that'd send the post "Jumping The Shark" seasons of "Happy Days" into the funny farm. While the resolution to that is decent and the season finale would've been a good set up for a movie starring the cast of "Lois & Clark" while that didn't happen as the series got another season as in the comics Lois and Clark exchanged wedding vows. So as the comics did that, the series got another season which has the two tie the knot for real this time but by that point tragedy had struck Superman fans again, this time around with the first actor from my generation to wear the Superman suit Christopher Reeve suffered a life altering accident leaving him paralyzed from the neck down until he passed away nine years later then came the cancellation of "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman" got cancelled due to low ratings and the possibility of an new Superman movie coming out which didn't happen until a year after Christopher's and his wife Dana' passing. That movie is of course "Superman Returns", me personally I enjoyed the movie and if it's on, of course I'm watching it. But as for what happened to Brandon Routh, the actor who played Superman in "Superman Returns"? Despite what the movie "Ted" had implied, Brandon is now "The Atom" in the Flarrowverse. As a matter of fact after "Lois and Clark" both Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher had fairly successful careers. Teri Hatcher was a Bond Girl, won a Golden Globe for her acting on "Desperate Housewives" and went on to Cameo on "Smallville" as Lois Lane's mother and appear in the second season of "Supergirl" as Queen Rhea of Daxam which has Dean Cain appear as Jeremiah Danvers as a reoccurring character.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So did every Superman and Lois Lane away from the Salkind series somehow avoid the curse? Or should I ask, Is The Superman curse real? Honestly... (Cut to different iterations of Superman as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I really don't think the actors or performers  who have been a part of the legacy of the Man Of Steel are cursed because of Superman, I just think they've had some bad breaks and the connecting factor is Superman. But for many mentioned they somehow embraced Superman, aside from Dean Cain, Teri Hatcher and Brandon Routh. Christopher Reeve decided to use  the Superman Insignia as a symbol of hope and promise for his foundation to help find a cure to paralysis in addition to that the voice actors who played Superman in animated forms still have careers in Hollywood as well as ventures outside of it. But if there is a curse and there are people who wish the curse was real and would attack Henry Cavill, I don't believe in it and neither should anyone who believes in Superman. There is a reason Superman is iconic, he does what is right no matter what happens and nothing not even a curse, if there is one will stop Superman from being a symbol of Hope and of Truth, Justice and The Human Way. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion! 

"Superman III" to the third power co-written by Jeff "Writrzblok"Gwinnup and Gus "The Nostalgia Kid" Webb

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers Movie Power Rangers at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman  and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with The Nostalgia Kid, Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Writrzblok, Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to  The Nostalgia Kid dressed as James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

The Nostalgia Kid:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Can you believe that Superman is EIGHTY FRICKIN’ YEARS OLD?! (Cut to different clips of Superman in all his incarnations as the John Williams’ Superman Theme and The Nostalgia Kid does a voiceover)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
And while he is mainly revered he’s also been the butt of far too many jokes. Some being about how he’s too old fashioned, he’s too powerful and of course if it were not for the standards and practices of networks I’m willing to believe they would’ve put every “Fire Island”/ “San Francisco” joke onto Superman in the “Superfriends” cartoons. Fortunately, in 1978 father and son duo Alexander and Ilya Salkind brought the renaissance of Superman with the first Christopher Reeve Movie under the direction of Richard Donner. However, during production, The Salkinds and Pierre Spengler were at odds with Richard Donner and he was promptly fired while trying to finish “Superman II”. I went over both The Donner and Lester Cuts a while ago so check out my feelings about the two.  (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid dressed as James as James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

The Nostalgia Kid:
But what bridged the greatness of the first two movies and the crap we in the online community have had to deal with is…

TLOTA (Audio Only):
Superman III!

The Nostalgia Kid:
Who said that?

TLOTA (Audio only):
Over here dude! (Cut to the doorway as we see James Faraci The Last Of The Americans at the doorway.)

TLOTA:
What are you doing? (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid as he quickly tries to get out of James’ suit.)

The Nostalgia Kid:
Well you see, I know you’re a Superman fan and I have been wanting to review a Superman movie and I know Superman IV has been done to death as has “Superman Returns” I figured I’d try something more middle of the road. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Are you kidding me?

 (Cut to the trailer title card of “Superman III” before cutting to clips of “Superman III” as the John Williams "Superman Theme" plays in the foreground James & The Nostalgia Kid does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
“Superman III” sounded like a good idea on paper, but it didn’t come out as well thought out. The Comedy is more intolerable than any one joke in “Superman IV: The Quest For Peace”, The story is less intelligible than that of “Superman Returns” and I TRIPLE DOG DARE someone to say anything positive about the forced contrivances just to try make anyone believe half of the insanity that happens in this movie.

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
Will this make us pine for “Superman Returns” or will we be begging for Superman to snap our necks just as he did in “Man Of Steel”? (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid & James in James’ office)

TLOTA:
Let’s see if this is worth the pass from being considered one of the worst Superman Movies. This is…  (Static interruption)

TLOTA:
Now what? (Static interrupts as it cuts to Writrzblok sitting in his chair, with his bookcase full of graphic novels behind him which looks like a corner in James’ main lobby.)

Writrzblok:
Happy Fifth Anniversary, James. (Cut to James and The Nostalgia Kid)

TLOTA:
Thanks

The Nostalgia Kid:
And you are?

Writrzblok:
I’m Writrzblok. Think of me as the guy you dial up when even the Last Angry Geek won’t return your calls for a comic book reviewer. 

TLOTA:
Oh, right, Writrzblok! Though what are you doing in my main lobby? (Cut to Writrzblok in the Main Lobby)

Writrzblok:
Let’s just say I’m sorting some things out and leave it at that. Plus, I reviewed the Superman III comic adaptation, which required me to watch the movie for research and comparison, which means I’m fully aware of what I’m getting into here. As to why I’m here in the Main lobby, don’t ask, just get here and we’ll do this on the couch. (Cut to Writrzblok, The Nostalgia Kid and James on the couch in the main lobby)

Writrzblok:
So…

The Nostalgia Kid:
Shall we?

TLOTA:
Absolutely this is… Superman III! (Cut to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid, and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
The movie opens in the Unemployment offices of Metropolis with a woman whose head is ninety-percent hair. And I thought Gary Spivey had a bad perm. We’re introduced to Gus Gorman played by The Late, Great Richard Pryor. He talks with the floofy-haired receptionist about his troubles in finding a steady job. The receptionist with the hairstyle of inserting a fork into a light socket tells Gus he’s no longer eligible for unemployment after thirty-six weeks.

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
After bumming a match off a guy which has an ad for a computer school we see our opening credits and BOY are they underwhelming. Showing exactly what we’re in for, unfunny comedy and Superman once again played by The Late Christopher Reeve being Superman for a small portion of the run time. We’re in for a fun ride! If only I was old enough to drink.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Well to be fair the opening credits do show what’d be like in Metropolis on a normal day especially when a guy hits a fire hydrant, Superman changes in a photo booth and gives the kid who played the young Kal-El in The first Superman movie a photo of his adult self. But I’m sure there was more they could’ve added in. (Cut to a green screened image of James walking the street as the blind man running the road painter knocks James into a street sweeper passing by before cutting to Paulo & Brenda Fonseca as they trip the bank robber played by Writrzblok into a window and the Police Officers played by John & Mike Santos arrest all three before cutting back to the movie as the four of them continue their voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
After the wacky hijinks, we found out Gus is, apparently, a natural-born computer whiz, having performed a task on a computer thought to be impossible. We soon find ourselves in the Daily Planet as Jimmy Olsen, played by Marty McFly’s Older Brother Marc McClure is handing in his photos of Ross Webster played by the late Robert Vaughn, his sister Vera played by Annie Ross and Lorelei Ambrosia played by Pamela Stephenson to Perry White played by the late Jackie Cooper just as Clark decides to return to Smallville and Lois Lane played by the late Margot Kidder decides to head on out to Bermuda. (Cut to the group on the couch as they look at James.)

TLOTA:
Fine! Apparently, there was some discord while Superman II was being produced and Gene Hackman decided not to return for the third one while the late Margot Kidder only appears in the beginning and ending of the movie because she was upset with The Salkinds for firing Richard Donner. (The Nostalgia Kid sighs and shrugs before cutting to the movie as James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid do voiceovers)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
We soon find out that Gus is hired by Ross Webster’s company though he is unhappy about the piddly excuse of a paycheck when he discovers that there is something called half cents and finds them in the accounting program and takes it for himself. Wow, he really is a computer whiz if he’s able to rob his boss blind like that while being that unfunny.

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Jimmy & Clark literally talk turkey on the ride to Smallville which is stopped thanks to a Chemical plant going Kerblammo and I know by this point Marc McClure is hoping to get out quicker, so he can appear in an episode of Trapper John M.D.  But leave it to Superman to come up with the most implausible way to save the scientists that are trapped by turning a smokestack into a slide! I should note that in the comic adaptation, the workers were shown to be saying “Whee!” as they slid down. However, there’s something more pressing. Apparently, there’s a room filled with acid that once heated to 180 degrees Fahrenheit it becomes a cloud of acid that’d eat more than Matter-Eater Lad, Shaggy, Scooby, Goku and Luffy in a buffet! We’ll classify this as Chekov’s acid.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But to add on the "Totally Screwed" factor that keeps piling up in this movie the pump house to the firehoses goes out forcing Superman to freeze the lake five miles away and drop the ice onto it. Even though by normal conventions Ice dropped from that height would’ve just crushed the plant Monty Python style but it melts into a rain storm with enough water to put the fires out and stop the acid from heating to the acid cloud temperature.

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
After that pointless bit, Ross Webster discovers Gus’s Scheme and instead of turning him into the proper authorities he has Gus become a lackey to have him wipe the half of Columbia’s exports which is their coffee crops off the map. Why? Because he wants to control the coffee. Why you may ask? Good question. (Cut to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok)

Writrzblok:

You want to know who else has coffee? Brazil, Costa Rica, The Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Ethiopia, Guatemala, Honduras, India, Indonesia, Jamaica, Kenya, Mexico, Nicaragua, Papa New Guinea, Peru, Rwanda, Tanzania, Uganda, Vietnam, Yemen and Zimbabwe.

TLOTA:
Uh, Writrzblok, it’s stated that he has deals with those countries. 

Writrzblok:
I guess I forgot about that fact.


TLOTA:
What are you, a shut-in?

The Nostalgia Kid:
Or a coffee fiend? (Switches back to TLOTA, Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Clark goes back to Smallville as he goes to his High School reunion and meets with his old high school sweetheart Lana Lang played by future “Smallville” (Doing a Ben Affleck “Batman” growling voice) MARTHA (Back to normal) Annette O’Toole.

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
The two quickly rekindle their friendship as Brad played by Gavan O’Herlihy try to drunkenly win Lana as well. But Lana obviously likes the guy whose photo doesn’t even look like Jeff East in the class photo taken all the while Clark becomes the man Lana and her young son Ricky played by Paul Kaethler need, especially when Ricky is nearly shredded into chipped beef by a wheat thresher and to be fair the transition from Clark to Superman is awesome in this sequence.

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Gus makes it to Smallville and gets into a small branch company owned by Webster and wouldn’t you know it, MORE WACKY HIJINKS! (Show clip of Gus messing around with the technology intersperse cut with James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok looking as the lights turn on and off before cutting back to the movie)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
After that comedic concussion, Gus finally gets a Weather Satellite to wipe Columbia off the map. And here is where I have one of the biggest problems of having Richard Pryor in Superman III most of Richard Pryor’s edge has been pretty much shorn off for this movie. And it’s not like he hasn’t done family comedies before this. However, here it just comes off as trying way too hard to be funny and I’m just not feeling it.

TLOTA & The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover in unison):
No disagreements here

(Show clip of Ross Webster, Vera and Lorelei celebrating and plotting their next scheme before Gus comes in and tells them what happens before cutting to James, The Nostalgia Kid, and Writrzblok on the couch)

TLOTA:
He’s gonna be unfunny for a while, isn’t he?

Everyone else (In Unison):
Yep!

TLOTA:
Okay then let’s take a break. I’ll get the Martinelli’s and the Liquid I.Q.

(James walks away as the others sit there in agony as Gus continues to talk as it fades to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to the movie as James The Nostalgia Kid, and Writrzblok do voiceovers.)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
So if you were able to get through that rib tickling humor Richard Pryor brought to the moment. He basically tells Ross Webster that all his plans to hurt Columbia went up in smoke thanks to Superman. 

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
They soon discuss how they can stop Superman when Kryptonite is brought in to the conversation. Ross suggests to Gus to contact the Satellite and find a sample of Kryptonite! Why not go to Addis Ababa and get a sample? Because it’d be 2+2=4 and not 2+2=IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN!! (Show Gus as he shouts, “I CAN’T SKI!” and falls off the roof and turn into a blood splatter on the screen before cutting to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok on the couch as James and Writrzblok chew out  The Nostalgia Kid about how his edit turning Gus into a blood splatter was too much even for their taste and The Nostalgia Kid defending his decision before cutting to the movie as everyone continues their voiceovers)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
He doesn’t die though Richard Pryor’s career barely recovers after being in this movie. After getting the Satellite to find a sample of Kryptonite when one of the elements is “UNKNOWN” Gus guesses cigarette tar giving us Faux Kryptonite. The Hell? (Cut to everyone on the couch as The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok look at James)

Writrzblok:
Mind if I take this one?

TLOTA:
Sure thing dude.

Writrzblok:
Alrighty then. One of the proposed ideas for this movie was that there would be different forms of Kryptonite coming in to affect Superman and some of the others was meeting Kara Zor-El AKA Supergirl while dealing with Brainiac & Mr. Mxyzptlk. In fact, there was going to be a darker, more dramatic Superman movie however for one reason or another Warner Brothers discarded until they were left with a plot that made no sense in terms of Superman logic but also a lack of common sense logic. Oh, and apparently Brainiac, Superman and Supergirl…Superman’s COUSIN…are in a bizarre love triangle because pass me the Martinelli’s. (Cut to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After a celebratory reception from Smallville’s town folk to thank Superman for not only saving Ricky from being turned into a bloodstain but for the putting out the fire from the chemical plant when we get EVEN MORE FREAKING UNFUNNY RICHARD PRYOR! (Show clip of Richard Pryor being a Three Star Gen talking crazily while cut to the three of them behind the couch as they bang their heads on the wall rhythmically before cutting to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid, and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
So if you haven’t died from Not laughing. Gus hands Superman the Faux Kryptonite which turns him into DARK Superman! Just how dark Superman become? He allows a trucker to die falling off a bridge while creepily flirting with Lana, puts out the Olympic Torch and straightens out the Leaning Tower of Pisa! Even though the architects knew the ground was unstable and decided to build it accordingly, so it would lean but not fall over. Not to mention the structural damage would’ve caused it to collapse, destroying it completely!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Ross Webster begins his oil plot by forcing oil tankers to stay in one spot and then having Gus shut down all the oil derricks. Gus does so accordingly but only if he gets what he wants which is to get a Supercomputer built. But the size of it needs to be in a cavern. Although one tanker decides to disobey the order to stop until Lorelei asks Dark Superman to stop that oil tanker. He does so and while the Supercomputer is being built we get… OH GOD! OH NO! NO! NO! (Cut to everyone trying to look away while The Nostalgia Kid screams “CUT AWAY!” Writrzblok facepalms himself aggressively)

TLOTA:
DON’T GO ANY FURTHER! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER! SHOW SOMETHING ELSE! ANYTHING ELSE!

(Cut to Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson does a funny Polka Jig while in the background we get a shot of Deadpool’s crotch as twin pictures of Tommy Wiseau cover Deadpool’s Balls and in the foreground the first seventeen seconds of Da Jodel Rudel play before a record rip is heard as the image cuts away to a green screen and a very upset Julia Alexa Miller stares at Deadpool as she takes off the mask to reveal that it’s Cambell Dodson as he nervously smiles and runs away from a very angry Julia Alexa Miller before cutting to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok)

TLOTA:
Don’t ask what the reason for that was, just be glad after seeing what we just saw it was the perfect insanity cleanser for us! (Cut to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As you hope to never think about Superman under the influence of Faux Kryptonite and I HOPE NEVER TO FIND OUT WHAT HE DID! Lana has had enough of Brad calling all the time and tries to go to Metropolis just as Christopher Reeve I mean DARK Superman decides to drink and fire peanuts like bullets.

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
After he read the reviews for this movie wouldn't you get tanked? (Show clip of DARK Superman screaming “What are you staring at?” with James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid saying in unison “A Fallen Superman” before Ricky’s voice trying to get Superman back to normal echoes in Superman before Superman screams and the echoes echo to James and everyone on the couch before cutting to a duo played by Paulo Fonseca and Eric Kurtzke in a small village surrounded by a forest as Superman’s pained screams continue to echo)

Inigo (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
Fezzik, Fezzik, Listen do you hear?
It is the sound of ultimate suffering! My heart made it when Rugen slaughtered my father. Now Superman makes it!

Fezzik (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
Superman?

Inigo (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
Yes, his movies are starting to stink, so who else besides Superman would be suffering? We must help him! Excuse us, pardon us, Fezzik if you would please?

Fezzik (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
EVERYBODY MOVE!  (The crowd parts like the Red Sea)

Inigo (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
Thank you! (Cut to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
After that scream which affected even The Princess Bride for some reason Dark Superman and Clark Kent separate and if I could (The Movie pauses as The Nostalgia Kid takes the head off DARK Superman and replaces it with Henry Cavill’s and paints a moustache onto Henry Cavill’s face chuckles then runs away as the movie continues)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
Clark and Superman fight in the junkyard and honestly, this is my favorite scene in the movie. The fight itself is well choreographed for the budget they had. It’s not a DBZ-style smackdown but considering this came out well before even Dragon Ball, I doubt it’d have been much of an inspiration.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After throwing tires and being tossed into a compactor, getting slammed with a magnet and placed onto a metal shredder. Clark has had enough of Dark Superman and everything he did to tarnish Superman’s image and decides to choke a bee-atch!  

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
This could’ve been a great display of showing how even Superman, someone whose moral fiber is nigh unshakeable, can have moments of doubt, frustration and even anger at the role he plays and how it affects his dealings with the very people he’s sworn to protect. Sadly, it’s a teeny tiny diamond in a great big pile of coal. (Show the rest of the fight as Clark chokes the life out of Dark Superman and Dark Superman disintegrates before cutting to James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid on the couch)

TLOTA:
At least Superman didn’t have Zod’s neck in his hands! (The others prepare to open their mouths and they nod as if to say “James makes a good point” before cutting back to the movie as James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid do voiceovers just as Clark stands up and reveals Superman’s insignia)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After regaining his strength and life Superman gets to work by replacing the oil he spilled and bringing Webster, Vera, Lorelei and Gus to the proper authorities!

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
However, Webster is not in his personal ski lodge on the top of his building. The gang is on the run as they hover down to the Supercomputer except for Gus. (Show clip of Gus saying, “I just don't believe a man can fly.” Before cutting to everyone sarcastically chuckling as well before cutting back to the movie as James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid do voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
As Superman rockets his way to the canyon with the supercomputer inside he tries to evade missiles while Ross Webster plays a video game trying to kill Superman. Yeah for many, this is just the height of DUMB and it’s not hard to see why. I mean if you’re fighting Superman, you should be seeing the footage of Superman taking on the missiles in real life not with a video game simulation! And here I thought when The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles did a simulation of their lair while trying to stabilize their mutation was STUPID!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After taking a missile that looks like it was designed by a Cylon. Superman makes it to Ross Webster and the others as they start off with what they call an invisible shield which is as invisible as neon green would be in a grey environment. Superman escapes the shield as he’s suddenly hit with real Kryptonite! Realizing he’d be a part of Superman’s murder Gus heads on down and shuts off the supercomputer after a brief battle with Ross. Well that was ea...(Show clip of Gus discovering that the machine is coming back to life on its own.)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
The Supercomputer is now sentient and with that Gus takes out it’s Kryptonite canon and knocks Gus out. Though I think by that point in time Richard Pryor wished he was dead and what does Superman do? Run for his own existence!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And to anyone who saw this when they were kids like I did prepare to have Vietnam Flashbacks like I’m about to in 5,4,3,2… (Show clip of Lorelei escaping but Vera becoming a robot and escaping and hurting the people around her before cutting to The Nostalgia Kid, Writrzblok and James curled up into a ball on the couch and sucking on his thumb.)

Writrzblok:
Aaaaaand Vera has just become the Borg Queen. Yup. This is a thing that’s happening. (Looks to James) Is he going to be alright to finish this review?

The Nostalgia Kid:
Let’s help him by escorting him to the toilet and he can crap himself better. (Cut to the two standing outside the Port-A-Potty as screams of abject fear and diarrheic sounds coming out of the Port-A-Potty before cutting to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
Superman returns with a can of Chekov’s acid from the Chemical Plant and after dealing with Seven of Nine and three-quarters, Supercomputer starts heating the acid and with a missed Special Effects shot of Superman heating that can of acid to the point it destroys the Supercomputer. (Cut to later as Superman says that the Supercomputer died from Acid Indigestion before cutting to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok on the couch as James makes a call on his cell phone before cutting to Hell as it has just re-ignited and The Devil played by Paulo Fonseca)

The Devil:
Yello!  (Cut to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok on the couch.)

TLOTA:
Yeah, we heard a joke that was SO bad we need all of you down there to Boo with us! (Cut to The Devil)

The Devil:
You got it! (Cut to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok on the couch.)

TLOTA:
Okay, Everyone ready? On Three. ONE, TWO, THREE! (Show everyone booing and throwing things at the screen before cutting back to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
So Gus is forgiven by Superman, because that’s just the kind of guy he is. Lana moves to Metropolis just to become Perry’s Secretary and Assistant and never appear in these movies again.

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
Though Superman’s rep still needs to be rehabbed, maybe he should try ridding us of our nuclear weapons

 TLOTA (Voiceover):
DUDE! Don’t even Joke about it. Anyway, Brad suffers an embarrassing exit, though admittedly had a more dignified ending in “Willow” (Show clip of Airk dying in “Willow” before cutting back to “Superman III” as James continues his voiceover) And the movie ends on the bad joke of Superman returning the Tower of Pisa to it’s leaning state! Un milione di grazie Superman! (Show clip of Christopher Reeve Superman movie ending then cut to James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid on the couch)

TLOTA:
As much as I like this movie as a guilty pleasure, it’s not completely flawless as I’m sure you guys are thinking that… it kind of sucked for you to sit through. (Cut to Clips of Superman III as the John Williams "Superman Theme" plays in the foreground as The Nostalgia Kid, Writrzblok and James do their voiceovers)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
I’ll admit that this movie has its good points, that is when not overusing sight gags, slapstick and Richard Pryor and when Superman III resorts to plot points rehashed from the last two movies. Otherwise it could’ve been WAY more worse than People make it out to be

 Writrzblok (voiceover):

Having seen the movie twice now, I would like to admit that maybe I wasn’t being entirely fair to Superman III. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s still a bad movie and none of the gags worked for me, even with a comedic great like Richard Pryor trying his damnedest to make it work. The story ended up being way too dumb and, at times, kind of creepy, especially the scene where Superman tries to put the moves on Lana when they’re alone. I can attribute it to the fake kryptonite, but it’s still an unsettling point in a movie that is ninety percent light-hearted slapstick. Especially when it diverts into almost a horror movie at the end with the Supercomputer trying to assimilate everyone. The highlight for me is still the Clark vs Superman fight and I wish we could’ve had more of a build-up to that or explored that more instead of the bad gags and tedious, unnecessary schtick. Is it the worst Superman film out there? Absolutely not. BUT, if you’re a purist who wants it for the collection or to play it as background noise, you could do far worse.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I’ll say this, it’s not a good movie nor is it as bad as “Superman IV: The Quest For Peace”. It’s a definite Saturday/Sunday Afternoon movie. Harmless Popcorn flick that could’ve been worse but if someone out there thinks it’s the greatest Superman movie they ever saw, then maybe we need to raise our bar on how Superman should be! (Cut to James, The Nostalgia Kid, and Writrzblok)

TLOTA:
Well, thanks for dropping by though I do have to ask why you are here.

Writrzblok:
We wanted to take a little bit of the pressure you’re under from you otherwise you’re gonna explode! Also, you pretty much begged me to come and review this with you. But most importantly…well… I’ll say it, your friends are worried you might not make it to see the next day, so we had a conversation and said we’ll handle what’s next on James’ schedule. James you’re awesome and I’m not afraid to say that but you can’t keep going like this. You’ll destroy yourself before you know it.

The Nostalgia Kid:
He makes a good point. Look we can’t convince you to stop all together or anything like that but promise us that you won’t let this kill you inside.

TLOTA:
You know something, I shouldn’t just promise you guys, I should get everyone else! HEY GUYS! (Cut to everyone on team TLOTA come walking in from the backroom and walk towards the couch.) Look I know I’ve been a little over stressed and working on fumes, but I promise if it looks like I’m about to go off the rails. I’ll back away. Okay? (Everyone else agrees and head on out and James thanks them for caring with a hug or a handshake before everyone else walks out the front door with John Santos being the last guy out the door before cutting to James sitting down on the couch as Linkara comes running in and onto the couch)

Linkara:
Okay, let’s shred “Man Of Steel” a new one

(James gives Linkara the evil eye before he runs off then fading to black then cut to James in his office as he is on a phone and pacing back and forth)

TLOTA:
Come on… Come ON! (Cut to Taylor Huff on the set of “Life As A Mermaid” as Taylor Huff answer Alex’s phone.)

Taylor Huff:
Hello? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Taylor, THANK THE LORD. Is Alex around? (Cut to Taylor)

Taylor Huff:
I don’t think she wants to hear from you right now. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Taylor, it’s important a friend of mine named Steve is probably there to make a mountain from a molehill! (Cut to Taylor)

Taylor Huff:
Whaddyamean? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Look Steve is an awesome guy, but he nearly got clocked in the head when he jiggled Doug Yaun in my Woody Woodpecker Review! (Cut to Taylor)

Taylor Huff:
So why is he coming here? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Remember when Alex stopped by my place last month? He somehow thinks he can fix a mess that he didn’t create! (Cut to Taylor)

Taylor Huff:
Well it does explain Alex’s new-found powers and abilities. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
What “New-found powers and abilities”? (Cut to Taylor as she has a flashback as the music and effect of a flashback are shown as it shows Julia Alexa Miller talking to a colony of seagulls then to a moment in which Julia Alexa Miller redirects a bolt of lightning from striking the set and then disperses the storm and finally moving a set piece which weighs about 100 lbs. while everyone looks in shock before cutting back to Taylor)

Taylor:
Let’s say it’s getting weirder on the set and we’re doing a series about a pair of mermaids in the human world, do the math James. (Chad Narducci walks in behind Taylor)

Chad:
You may want to get to the set, now!

Taylor:
Why?

Julia Alexa Miller (Audio only):
TAYLOR! YOU BETTER BE IN YOUR TAIL AND READY TO SHOOT RIGHT NOW! (The scene shakes as Julia Alexa Miller shouts “NOW!” as it cuts to James as he falls on his backside before cutting back to Taylor and Chad)

Taylor:
Gotta go! (Taylor flops out of frame as Chad picks up Alex’s phone)

Chad:
Hello? (Cut to James as he is on his backside)

TLOTA:
Chad, listen to me, a well-meaning friend by the name of Steve Kidd is on his way. Find a way to keep him away from Alex! Do what you must! (Cut to Cambell)

Chad:
“Do what you must!” Got it! (Julia Alexa Miller walks into frame as Chad drops the phone into Julia Alexa Miller’s hands) Oh hey there Alex, uh I’ve got things you asked me to do that you haven’t asked me, uh I GOT TO GO! (Chad runs for his life)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Hello (Cut to James as he stands up in surprise)

TLOTA:
Alex! Listen to me you might not remember what happened last month! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Oh I remember reading a letter from your Ex and next thing I know, I’ve got powers and memories and who knows what else is in my head and I’m trying to come to terms with that. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Oookay! So, you do remember. Listen I’m willing to give you the space to give you to come to terms with what’s going on. Right now, I need your help to stop a friend who means well to help us if there even is an us and he wants to mess with something that he shouldn’t. His name is Steve Kidd and the dude means well and if he comes near you, have as many people block him off the set and send him to take a break with my friend Chris. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Who? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Rowdy? (Sighs) Fine, the guy who worked in a rideshare business and mistook Flour for the other Columbian product outside of coffee produced there. Just wondering where Steve is now. (Cut to a small town as Steve Kidd sticks out like a sore thumb!)

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):
As I traverse this country on my way to California to help my friend, I always feel the best way to get to know the locals is to dress and eat like them! (Cut to Steve in a diner)

Steve Kidd:
Howdy Flo! (Chuckles to himself) tell me what’s the Soup Du Juor?

The waitress (Played by Renee Miller):
It’s the soup of the day!

Steve Kidd:
I’ll take that with the Hamburger meal!

The Waitress:
Anything else?

Steve Kidd:
Is this spelled in Habla español? A Sundae? (The Waitress walks away sighing before cutting to Steve walking around the small town.)

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):
But given the current state of everything, I felt it my obligation to keep everyone on their toes (An emergency siren blares)

Steve Kidd:
OH MY GOD THE NUKES ARE COMING! THE NUKES ARE COMING! RUN! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! (A chaotic riot happens as Steve continues to scream before quickly slamming to black)

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):
Yeah, I may have to claim temporary insanity to get my ass out of the sling I’m in!