(The opening consists of disturbing photos of James and his team wiped intermittently with moments of past October “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as a soundalike of season two’s “Rod Serling’s Night Gallery” opening theme combined with the 1994 “American Gladiators” plays in the foreground. The words “The Last Of The Americans” are shown at the seventeen-second mark, then fade out. The word “Monstertober” is shown at the twenty-three-second mark, then fades out. At the twenty-seven mark, the words “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown, then fade out as the wipes end on James’ face before they pull back to a better distance.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. So yeah, forty years ago, four comedians came together to make an instant classic in the Comedy Horror Genre. (Cut to “Ghostbusters” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA(V.O.):
“Ghostbusters” was released in 1984 and quickly became a smash hit. It spawned a sequel in 1989, a long-running Saturday Morning Cartoon and a sequel series throughout the 1980s and 1990s, a quasi-reboot in 2016, and a legacy sequel in 2021, which was so great that Columbia and its parent company SONY greenlighted a sequel that would continue the story further. The cast returned, and everyone was excited. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
The Results... (Cut to the title card of “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire,” then clips from the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Released earlier this year, “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” received a chilly reception by fans and critics. But is it as bad as everyone made the 2016 “Ghostbusters” movie out to be, or like “Ghostbusters II,” something that needs time for everyone to warm up to! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s get right to it, this is “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” (Cut to “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens in 1904 as we see a group of firefighters from a very familiar-looking firehouse heading over to the Manhattan Adventurers Club, where they discover everyone has Frozen to death except for this woman covered in enough brass armor that I have nothing to describe it and an orb that is our first sign it’s going to be a cold time in the old town today. We then cut to the present day as we see the Spenglers and Gary Grooberson, played by Paul Rudd, Carrie Coon, Finn Wolfhard, and McKenna Grace, on the job taking down a ghost in Manhattan, and this gets on the mayor’s wrong side, and the mayor is... Walter Peck is played again by William Atherton. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Okay, this guy should’ve learned and grown from what he’s seen. (Cut to every scene of Peck being Peck in “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire.” Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
You know you’re making me want to see the main villain freeze you to death for your stupidity! (Cut to “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Anyway, Callie is forced to side with the mayor and benches Phoebe from active Ghostbuster duty; otherwise, it’s bye-bye new home. Speaking of their new home, the Spengler/Grooberson family lives daily at the firehouse, where the containment unit has seen its better days, stuffed like a turkey. They decide to get some help from a non-surprise as both Janine Melnitz and Winston Zeddemore tell them about his plans to transfer the ghosts in the old containment unit and put it in a better containment unit that and that his business is based on paranormal studies and wouldn’t you know it, Lucky who was in “Afterlife” is now an intern working with Winston. Speaking of characters who decided that they’re better off in New York, Podcast is here working with Ray as a producer for a YouTube series in which they study objects with paranormal energies, and one person named Nadeem, played by Kumail Nanjiani, is willing to pawn off his apotropaic trap which carries a whopper of a spirit that causes a cold wave that reaches the firehouse and further damages the containment unit. And speaking of that, guess who Egon’s Grandson has contact with? That’s right, the same character that ruined the Saturday Morning series and the only other character to have been in many Ghostbusters media, “Slimer”! We’re in for a long movie here, folks! We then cut to Nadeem as we see his pyrokinetic powers become active as flames of a Shawarma cart rise when he raises his hands; as that goes on, we find Phoebe with her grandfather’s chess set as she finds... WHAT IN THE HELL?! (Cut to “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
When this happened in the “Afterlife,” it was a sign that Egon’s spirit was watching over her, her sibling, and her mom and helping Phoebe escape her shell. It was also a way for Phoebe and Egon to bond and how much he cared for his family. (Cut to “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Right now, I am worried that the spirit this time could harm Phoebe. Right now, I’m in Papa Bear mode! The ghost contacts Phoebe, and her reaction is, “Oh!” Though granted everything that’s happened to her since the last time, it’s safe to say she’s picked up her grandfather’s demeanor towards friendlier spirits as Melody, played by Emily Alyn Lind, plays chess and tells Phoebe that she was BBQ’d alive in a tenement fire and until she finishes her business on earth. Meanwhile, we finally see Winston’s research center on the other side of the bridge, where they do what I already said they do, create more advanced Ghostbusting and equipment and have the containment to trap a lot of ghosts. Basically, taking Egon’s work and improving it a few million times. As that goes on, Gary tries to tell Phoebe that it will work out in time, but Phoebe is reaching that point in her life where she’s making mistakes, and instead of needing someone to read her the riot act, she needs someone to listen to her problems. But not immediately; Phoebe takes a call and decides to try her luck with Podcast. As that goes on, the orb Ray brings causes chaos as the power shuts down at the center. While that goes on, Phoebe and Podcast discover that Melody is the ghost on the call. Melody and Phoebe decide to hang out at the firehouse, and Phoebe finds a match that keeps Melody as a ghost. That orb causes even more of a freezing event in NYC, further damaging the containment unit. Melody hears the spirit in the orb and is now unhappily doing the ghost's bidding. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
That old chestnut. You know, this feels like an episode of “The Real Ghostbusters” before Q-5 crapped the series. (Cut to a Lindsay Naegel-Esque executive played by Olivia Horvath as she busts in)
L.N. Exec:
You mean, it made the series better. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
No! You decimated it worse than the last few years decimated my professional and personal lives. (Cut to the Lindsay Naegel-Esque executive)
L.N. Exec:
I can repair both if you listen to my charts and test audience results. (Cut to James as he pulls out a 12 Gauge Shotgun)
TLOTA:
You have until the count of one before I go away for a long time for putting you out of mine and Hollywood’s misery! (Cut to The Lindsay Naegel-Esque Executive as she quickly runs for her pointless life. Cut to “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Meanwhile, the events further damage the containment unit as they go to the other center and discover whatever is in the orb Ray brought in is now at absolute zero. Just as one of the contained ghosts escapes and enters in Podcast’s equipment. Further researching where the orb came from, they find Nadeem as we see an entire room made of brass, which contains armor and a pair of horns, and that Nadeem is peaking on the PKE meter, Nadeem is examined by Peter Venkman; once again played by Bill Murray and we see how much a fire bender he is starting to become. Ray, Podcast, and Phoebe meet with Dr. Wartzki, played by TV’s Max TV’s Son Of TV’s Frank, uh, I mean Patton Oswald, at a certain library where the Ghostbusters began their adventures forty years ago. Dr. Wartzki tells the three that the language and the orb’s origin are far from the past and are the current home of Garraka. (Show the backstory of the ghost of Garraka. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So, we’re dealing with a demonic ghost that can freeze everything to death. Cool! Before I hear one, Boo! I will go to the corner! (Cut to “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
However, the ghost that was in Podcast’s equipment takes a wax cylinder recording containing a chant to awaken. Garraka tries to escape and then possesses one of the library’s lions, and then it explodes, destroying the recording. Arrested for causing trouble at the library, Mayor jackass tries to make Phoebe behave; however, Phoebe’s attitude causes her to lose her standing as a Ghostbuster, and Gary reads her the riot act for her attitude. Ray and Winston argue about where they are now, with Winston saying they’re too old for this shit and that Ray needs to find a new way to do what they’re doing. With the Firehouse and its equipment now forfeit, the Ghostbusters' future is frozen to the core. Gary tries to rally Callie and the others to save the firehouse as Ray tells Nadeem that he needs to be the next guardian of the orb of Garraka and harness his abilities. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
It’s safe to say that we are all doomed! (Cut to “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Meanwhile, Phoebe runs off with Melody to Winston’s research center to use the device to project herself as a ghost for two minutes. At this point, I was worried that something was going to go wrong and she’d be stuck as a ghost. But something worse happened. Melody tells Phoebe that Garraka is going to use Phoebe to release itself from the orb.
TLOTA:
So, on a scale of one to ten, how screwed are we? (A ding is heard as the words “We’ve been screwed since 2020” appears under James.) Oh, so we’re at a nine! Perfect! (Cut to “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
With Garraka now unleashed, we’re now at a whole new level of screwed! We’ve reached 11! Lucky tries to stop Garraka but to no avail, as she nearly freezes to death. Garraka begins to freeze New York City and is now fully re-horned and its powers restored. Realizing that they are now at level 12 of screwed, everyone gathers at the firehouse to stop Garraka from destroying the containment unit. However, with Fire Lord dum-dum not ready, Phoebe uses the brass pole to plate her grandfather’s proton pack to give the Ghostbusters a fighting chance, and even Janine, Ray, and Peter, after being gone 95 percent of the movie, suit up. Garraka makes it to the firehouse to open the containment unit and take the ghosts from it to make his army, that’s right, take over the world. (Cut to James in the Super Mario Bros. Movie review as the Maw-Ray is about to eat him, Mario and Donkey Kong, and James says, "Of Course!" Cut to “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Melody apologizes again for what she did and lets Phoebe know that Garraka is here and he is not going to let anyone live. Phoebe tells Melody that she has to do it herself. Nadeem tries to join in by talking to Garraka, but it is no surprise that Nadeem proves useless, especially when the zippo becomes futile. Garraka destroys the containment unit, and Phoebe decides to take Garraka on herself, that is until Melody finally lights the match that gives Nadeem the power to light it up and provide the Ghostbusters one last chance to stop him by turning the containment unit into a gigantic trap. The city is now saved again, Melody moves on, Peck is forced by popular support to reinstate the Ghostbusters, and Phoebe is active again. The movie ends with the Ghostbusters getting more ghosts, a tribute to Ivan Reitman, and all the mini-Stay-Puft Marshmallow men taking a truck full of their brethren! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire,” not the worst thing to have the “Ghostbusters” name, nor is it the best to have that name attached. (Cut to “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” clips as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
It’s not a bad movie by any means; the practical special effects work perfectly in conjunction with the digital special effects, the character development and acting are good, the story doesn’t drag, and I was thoroughly invested in what was happening with Phoebe from start to finish. I loved the callbacks and the easter eggs. But even that can’t be enough for a continuation sequel to succeed. I think like I said about the 2016 “Relaunch” and “Ghostbusters II” in the opening, it will take time for this movie for the audience to warm up and give it a chance. But if you’re interested in watching it, the movie is available physically and Digital; give it a watch and warm up to the “Frozen Empire.” (Cut to James in his office)
TLOTA:
There, that’s it, Monster-tober is over! Now, if everyone is done, join me, Rowdy, Steve Kidd, Uncle Roger, and Joshua Weissman as we go back for another round of Thanksgiving Turkey cooking; until then, I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans. Happy Halloween! See everyone in November! (James walks away. Cut to hours later as James finishes handing out the Trick or Treat Candies.)
TLOTA:
Well, that’s it; in about an hour, you guys take over, and that big Halloween shindig happens. (Cut to Paulo and Brenda Fonseca)
Paulo Fonseca:
You have not been a happy camper. Ever since you came back, you’ve been just doing your job and have done little since then.
Brenda Fonseca:
Look, James, if you need us, we’ll be there, all of us! (Cut to everyone as they say, “Yeah!”. Cut to James as he looks out at the world as “Graveyard Farewell/Lonely Man Reprise” from “The Incredible Hulk” pilot.)
TLOTA:
I appreciate it, you guys, but we all know what will happen in a few days; even if everything goes right, it won’t be to everyone’s liking. It's safe to say that we've destroyed our future. My professional reputation is destroyed; my personal goals will never be. This year has shown me that failure is all left for me. (James walks away sadly as the music continues and it cuts to Team TLOTA)
Olivia Horvath:
Losing Alex sent him over. I can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice.
Doug Yaun:
He can’t keep plugging along and thinking the best is behind him.
Andrew Beach:
The last few years have been hard, and he carries everything he endured from November 2019 to today.
Nick Yaun:
He wouldn’t do anything to harm himself, would he?
Rebecca Yaun:
You don't think everything he has been doing hasn’t harmed him? Working, watching all that stuff, he’s hurting himself, and he’s survived everything that he’s put himself through. How much more he will do, even I don’t know.
Renee Miller:
Is there any way to help him?
Eric Kurtzke:
I don’t know; it’s up to him to find himself again. All we can do is let him be and help when we can. (Cut to James as he walks down the road alone. It begins to snow, and the music follows James until the scene fades to black.)
