Monday, April 17, 2017

The "Power" of The Internet


(Scene starts with James at his office laptop)

TLOTA: Ah, the storyline is set and now to move on to the rest of 2017. (Cut to James deleting an old file)

TLOTA: Now onto Eliza and Traci’s farewell review. Which was in the file… that just got… (James starts to drop an F-Bomb before cutting to Traci & Eliza on the screen via Skype.)

Traci & Eliza (In Unison): YOU WANT US TO DO WHAT? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Come back, one day of filming for your farewell and Brenda, Ed and Andrew’s intro and that’d be it! (Cut Eliza & Traci on the Screen)

Eliza Dushku: It’s not that we’re ungrateful far from it, unfortunately the scheduling is gonna be a pain in the ass! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Look I know opportunities have come your way. But all I’m asking for is one day. I’m not asking for anything long term, maybe a cameo now and then if you can.  (Cut to Eliza & Traci on the screen.)

Traci Hines: But getting there isn’t as easy as it you think it’ll be. Besides we’ve got conventions, auditions and our own lives to think about. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: But it would’ve been funny seeing Traci suffer every single death Kenny endured on South Park and Eliza get hit with every death from Game Of Thrones only to have the both of you have a piano flatten the two of you like bugs! (Cut Eliza & Traci on the Screen)

Traci & Eliza (In Unison): IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN! (The two log off before cutting to James)

TLOTA: Great, now what am I going to do? Have me, Paulo, Rebecca, Nick, John, Mike, Renee, Eric and Olivia find…. (Cut to the main lobby as everyone discovers a disc.)

TLOTA: A video message left by Traci & Eliza! (Cut to the Television as Eliza & Traci’s message plays)

Eliza Dushku: Hey guys, By the time you see this, Me and Traci would have left for better pastures. But as one door closes another does open.

Traci Hines: And although we’ll be back when we can. We’ll remember all the fun we had. The Sketches we were a part of.

Eliza Dushku: The Star Wars Force Awakens analysis.

Traci & Eliza (In Unison): The Ghostbusters 2016 review.

Traci Hines: The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 2 review AND the Jem and The Holograms review

Eliza Dushku: Me discovering so much about you James and updating your suit.

Traci & Eliza (In Unison): Every memory of working with you guys.

Traci Hines: You guys are amazing and me and Eliza think the world of you guys. Thank you so much for letting us be a part of the experience and Eliza, you have anything else you want to say? (Eliza reaches for a piece of paper)

Eliza Dushku (Reading off the piece of paper): Should Traci or I suffer every single death from either South Park and/or Game Of Thrones and then have a piano squash us like bugs, don’t be surprised. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

Everyone: We won’t. (James shuts off the message)

TLOTA: So, Eliza and Traci are gone for good. I’m not deterred by it. (A door opens off-screen before cutting to the front door to see Paulo’s wife Brenda in the door.)

Brenda Fonseca: Hey Paulo, I thought you were gonna let El Pollo Loco gringo know that you were going to leave. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

TLOTA: WHY?! (Cut to Brenda)

Brenda Fonseca: He’s spending FAR too much time with you instead of me. (James gets up and goes to meet Brenda.)

TLOTA: Who are you?

Brenda Fonseca: I’m Brenda, Paulo’s wife. We met at all those parties you throw here. (James smacks himself on the forehead)

TLOTA: YES! Now I remember you, listen we’ve had some positions that just opened and I’ve been hearing about how much your husband misses spending time with you. How would you like to join our Motley Crew? You’ll get to spend more time with your husband, you’ll be able to meet new people and get to have some fun!

Brenda Fonseca: Let me think. (Brenda stands there for a second.) Okay, but just so you know Pendejo you get on my bad side and you won’t live to regret it. Comprende

TLOTA: Comprendo. (The Door opens as Brenda lands on James and her kneeing James in the po-pos as she gets up.)

Brenda Fonseca: Okay, who has the death wish. (Cut to Ed Champion and Andrew Beach holding each other as they cry in fear before cutting to James behind Brenda)

TLOTA: Ed, Andrew, how have things been for you guys? (Cut to Ed & Andrew)

Ed Champion: Oh, things have been rough. I’m in need of a job, so does Andrew. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Say no more, You two are in! (Cut to Ed & Andrew)

Andrew Beach: Sweet, The Old gang is back together! (Cut to James thinking to himself)

TLOTA: That’s RIGHT! The Band is Back Together! Circle Around and Nick, feel free to join us! (Cut to an overhead shot of James Faraci, John & Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion, Eric Kurtzke, Paulo Fonseca and Nick Yaun)

TLOTA (Audio as he puts his right hand in): James Faraci!

John Ross Santos (Audio as he puts his right hand in): John Ross Santos!

Mike Santos (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Mike Santos!

Andrew Beach (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Andrew Beach!

Ed Champion (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Ed Champion!

Eric Kurtzke (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Eric Kurtzke!

Paulo Fonseca (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Paulo Fonseca!

Nick Yaun (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Nick Yaun! (Cut to James’ face)

TLOTA: Together, we are New York born, Sullivan County Bound Heart & Soul and nothing will break the bond for we are NY4… (Cut to an overhead shot of James Faraci, John & Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion, Eric Kurtzke, Paulo Fonseca and Nick Yaun)

Every guy in the circle: FOR LIFE! WHOOOOOOO! (A Bolt of lightning supercharges them before cutting to James and the guys looking as the scene cuts to the girls with the thought of Bobbitizing them before cutting to the guys.)

TLOTA: OKAY, Ladies I understand you’re not exactly happy with what we did, so why don’t we get going and HIT…. (Eric, John, Mike, Nick, Paulo, Rebecca & Renee shout “NO!”) Aw Come on guys! (Cut to Paulo)

Paulo Fonseca: Every April, you say it like it means something. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: But it does, I mean was Olivia part of the show last year, I mean fully last year? She helped since August and Your Wife Now I remember was in the Cold Sketch before the intro of The Ghostbusters 2016 review and Ed and Andrew are starting today, so it is by technicality A New Intro! (Eric, John, Mike, Nick, Paulo, Rebecca & Renee begrudgingly say “Fine”) Thanks, Now HIT THAT AWESOMELY SUPER COOL NEW INTRO!

(Cut to A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2016 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James morphing into his new suit for the first time, James getting slapped by Paulo, Mr. B Natural pop jump cutting into frame as James grabs Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid as they scream in terror, Traci Hines shooting the Double Barreled handgun, Everyone trying to stop Eliza Dushku from using her switchblade knife on an unconscious Spoony,  James blast jumps and Eliza rolls out of the way as an electrical pulse knocks out everyone else before cutting to the clip of The Moviebusters pulling out their Proton Pack blasters until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows the team line-up of the majority of 2015 walking towards the screen as the camera rises over to see the American Flag and James’ signal in the sky as before cutting to James as he jumps and pulls out a sonic screwdriver before cutting over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Ed Champion, Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to a black screen that says in white text “Four Months Ago” before cutting to James, Paulo, Brenda, Nick & Rebecca in the Office Kitchen enjoying a bite to eat.)

TLOTA: You guys check out that Power Rangers Movie Trailer?

Paulo Fonseca: Yeah, it didn’t feel like the show we watched when we were younger.

Rebecca Yaun: And what about those suits?

Nick Yaun: Looked like Marks of Iron Man that even Tony Stark would’ve rejected.

Brenda Fonseca: Well, from what I heard they got some good casting choices. I mean Bryan “Heisenberg” Cranston as Zordon, Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa and from what I’ve heard Bill Hader is Alpha 5. Plus, they are going to use Bryan Tyler for the music and they got Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz to write and the Director from Project Almanac to direct this one.

TLOTA: Well, I would like to try to see it. I mean I’m not so stuck in the past that I’m not willing to see a part of my childhood in a new light. I saw the 2016 Ghostbusters and I liked it fine and it didn’t take away my childhood love of the Movies and the cartoons I saw then and besides it’s not like Power Rangers isn’t due for an update. Who knows, it might be better than we give it credit for.

Paulo Fonseca: You sure have a lot of faith in this movie.

TLOTA: I’ve got to, it’s not like the Power Rangers attempts for the big screen can get worse than “Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie”. Not saying it was a bad movie but as a pilot for Power Rangers Turbo it could’ve been worse.  So, here’s hoping that the new Power Rangers movie puts the Rangers right where they belong, on the top echelon of Superheroes alongside the DC & Marvel Universe.

Rebecca Yaun: We hear ya! (Everyone in the office kitchen raises their drinks to cheer each other before fading to black and in white text are the words “Present Day” as it cuts to James as he enters to the main hall way where he’s intercepted by Olivia Horvath, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller with John and Mike Santos as they hold James at gunpoint before cutting to James looking as if he’s going to soil himself.)

TLOTA: Didn’t Rebecca pay you before she went to Texas with her husband, her brother, her sister in law, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion to give ORAC to help the Ninja Cats find Rowdy? (Cut to Olivia Horvath, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, John and Mike Santos)

Eric Kurtzke: We heard you went to see the Power Rangers movie. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I just came back from watching it! (Cut to Olivia Horvath, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, John and Mike Santos)

Olivia Horvath: You do realize that there are people who hate this movie because it betrays everything done in the near quarter century Power Rangers have been about!

John Santos: That’s what’s pissing you off! We’re pissed that it is an insult to the loyalty of the history of Power Rangers! So much so we tweeted, facebooked, snapchatted and Instagramed you as the Anti-Christ you are! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I think with everything going cuckoo for cocoa puffs I HIGHLY DOUBT ANYONE IS GONNA GO ON THE ATTACK ABOUT THE POWER RANGERS! (Cut to a building exterior with the words “Department of Social Justice” before cutting to an office where three social justice Champions played by Ed Champion, Rebecca Yaun & Andrew Beach are doing their daily trolling.)

Dax (Played by Andrew Beach): So, Kat, Troy anything new that we should be aware of?

Troy (Played by Ed Champion): More rioting, protests and extremist actions by the Anti-Trump movement including attacks on NYSEG!

Dax: Pass!

Kat (Played by Rebecca Yaun): More Political scandals!

Dax: Double Pass!

Troy: Someone thinking of reviewing the new Power Rangers movie… (The eyes of the three bug out of their head.)

Troy, Kat & Dax (In Unison): Someone thinking of reviewing the new Power Rangers movie! AVANTI!

(Cut to the outside of a church and the words “Holy Land Of Wasted Lives” as Gregorian chants are heard before cutting to a priest played by Nick Yaun chanting in Latin and tossing in names of actors, seasons and characters of Power Rangers tossed into the mix, and as The priest says “Heil Zordon” a nun played by Brenda Fonseca runs into frame.)

Sister Kimberly (Played by Brenda Fonseca): Forgive me Father Bulkmeier, but a friend of yours is here with disturbing news. Rabbi Skullovitch, if you’d please! (Rabbi Skullovitch played by Paulo Fonseca comes in with a smart phone in one hand.)

Rabbi Skullovitch: Thank you Sister Kimberly, Father Bulkmeier, if you would read the message on my phone and maybe we can deal with the Schmendrick, put him back in his place maybe?  (Father Bulkmeier looks at what’s on the Smart Phone)

Father Bulkmeier: OY GEVALT! If the congregation will excuse us, we have matters to attend to! (Gregorian chant is sped up as the three pray in their own way and shuffle off stage right before cutting back to James’ office.)

TLOTA: Now if you guys will excuse…ME! I’ve got a review to do!

Dax(Off-Screen): I THINK NOT! (Cut to Dax, Troy & Kat blocking the backdoor before cutting to James as Olivia Horvath, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, John and Mike Santos are in the background.)

TLOTA: Let me guess, Social Justice Champions? (The Social Justice Champions come face to face with James.)

Kat, Troy & Dax (In Unison): JAWOHL!  CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN NAZI SCUM!

Dax: And we are here to shut you down!

Kat: We will NOT let you review the new Power Rangers movie!

Troy: All because you will hate it, you’re an internet reviewer. It is your job to dislike everything.

TLOTA: I didn’t dislike the 2016 Ghostbusters movie. Besides I’m open to new interpretations of Power Rangers, why do you think I’m watching Ninja Steel and why do you think I watched the new movie?

Father Bulkmeier (Off-Screen): BLASHPHEMER!

Sister Kimberly (Off-Screen): HERETIC!

Rabbi Skullovitch (Off-Screen): GOYIM MENSCH MESHUGGENAH SCHMUCK HITLER BASTARD! (Cut to Father Bulkmeier, Sister Kimberly & Rabbi Skullovitch coming to James and everyone else.)

TLOTA: OH GOODIE! Father Bulkmeier and Sister Kimberly from St. Zordon’s Basilica and Rabbi Skullovitch of the Temple Beth-Eltar!  (Olivia and Eric jump to the religious sect)

Olivia Horvath: And they shall help you see the light. (Cut to James)

Eric Kurtzke (Audio only): For they shall set you straight for those who go against the word of the “Power Rangers” with the power of Shame!

TLOTA: Good freakin’ Grief! (Cut to The Religious Sect)

Olivia & Eric (In Unison): SHAME!

Father Bulkmeier, Rabbi Skullovitch, Sister Kimberly, Olivia & Eric (In Unison): SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! (Cut to James caught between the two sides as they look to collide)

TLOTA: EVERYONE HERE HAS GONE FRIGGIN’ NUTS! (James pulls out his Sonic Screwdriver) DELTA LEVEL DEFENSE! (A pulse of electricity hits everyone as James runs for his office.)

TLOTA: Initiate Alpha lockdown, Level Five! Authorization: Madison, Mallory, Vivian Lee! (Cut to John trying to get the door open with his Sonic Screwdriver but to no effect)

Troy: So, it appears he has locked himself in!

Father Bulkmeier:  GOOD! Then let us partake in the real war!

Kat: Oh Yes, The REAL war!

Olivia Horvath: Let the two online extremes collide in the ultimate battle!

John Santos: YES! The ULLLLLLLLLTIMATE BATTLE! (Cut to everyone on their tablets/smartphones texting and typing away!)

Sister Kimberly: I’ve sent you a nasty tweet!

Mike Santos: Here comes one nasty pic of your ugly backside in an Instagram!

Eric Kurtzke: Well, I’ll see your Instagram and raise you a Snapchat!

Dax: Here comes a Meme that’s a whopper!

Rabbi Skullovitch: Well here comes a tumblr & reddit that’ll send you back into your place! (Cut to James as he gets into frame in his office with his desk and laptop computer on one side and on the other side “The Letter”)

TLOTA: Well it seems I’ve come upon yet ANOTHER movie where everyone is so divided! (Cut to the Power Rangers 2017 movie logo before cutting to stills from the movie and recreated clips by team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yeah, everyone has a point of view on the new Power Rangers movie. Whether it’s those who are religiously watching to this day to those who tire of real world politics and want to see simple good vs evil with easy dilemmas over a long story arc! And this movie wants to set up arcs and stories for future movies while re-telling the origins of the classic Mighty Morphin Power Rangers line-up. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: I’ve seen this movie! (Muted Audio of the Religious sect shouting “SHAME!”) And I now must talk about it, this is “Power Rangers”! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, our movie begins with the Rangers in the days of the Dinosaurs, when the Green Ranger betrays the team and guess who is in the Green Ranger suit? (The Green Ranger pulls off the helmet to reveal the Old-School Rita Repulsa hat and head played by Olivia Horvath) WAIT A SECOND?! (Cut to James in his office)

TLOTA: RITA?! YOU’RE THE GREEN RANGER?! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as overdubs Olivia Horvath’s characterization of Rita)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): WELL HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK I GOT THE GREEN POWER COIN IN THE ORIGINAL SERIES?! (Cut to James opening his mouth getting ready to say something before he thinks and nods.)

TLOTA: That makes sense. (Cut to clips of Rita and The Green Ranger in the old-school show and stills from the opening of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): We were never Privy as to how Rita got the Coin of The Green Ranger. For all we knew she helped Zordon back ten thousand years ago, before whatever happened to make her into the sorceress that wanted to destroy the Rangers so this does give Rita played by Elizabeth Banks  a good back story! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But I digress, The Red Ranger decides that with the rest of the team nearly gone, he must sacrifice himself and The Red Ranger just so happens to be… (The Red Ranger reveals himself to be Zordon)

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): Alpha Five Do what you must to protect the Power Coins.

Alpha Five (In Suit by Renee Miller but voiced by Eric Kurtzke): But Zordon that could also destroy you and the Dinosaurs!

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): If you don’t think I know that then I’ll do it myself!

Alpha Five (In Suit by Renee Miller but voiced by Eric Kurtzke): Ay-Yi-Yi! I’ll do as you ask of me! Good Grief! (An explosion happens)

TLOTA (Voiceover): That explosion is what sends the Meteorite that killed the Dinosaurs & Zordon, buries The Command Center and send Rita down to the bottom of the Ocean. We then cut to the modern-day city of Angel Grove where Jason played by Dacre Montgomery and a group of his friends are up to some shenanigans which unfortunately leads to Jason winding up getting him placed in House Arrest & detention with Billy played by RJ Cyler & Kimberly played by Naomi Scott. In the middle of their Detention Billy decides to include Jason & Kimberly on a plan he has.

Billy (Played by Nicholas Markin): There’s this gold cave I saw and I want to explore inside of it.

Kimberly (Played by Brenda Fonseca): Uh hello, there was no gold in there even back in the day of Cowboys.

Billy (Played by Nicholas Markin): But there could be some form of material that we haven’t seen on the elemental table.

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): If we go with you, will you be quiet for the rest of our time in here?

Billy (Played by Nicholas Markin): Okay.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Later that night, the three get to the cave and blow open an entrance which attracts the attention of two other teens Trini played by Becky G & Zack played by Ludi Lin.

Zack (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): Hey Trini get those other guys here from that guy’s explosion. I found these weird coin thingies!

Trini (Played by Rebecca Yaun): What are they? (Police sirens blare)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): No time to figure that out, here come the cops!

TLOTA (Voiceover): After evading the cops, crashing their ride and surviving, the next morning they discover they have superpowers and decide to return to the cave there they meet Alpha 5 voiced by Bill Hader and Zordon played by Bryan Cranston.

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): I am Zordon and… WAIT A SECOND! You five kids are now the Power Rangers? Now I know we’re up that proverbial creek sans a paddle, a boat and life preservers! Okay, I’ll make the best of it. Listen we have 11 days before a witch who was once a Ranger who betrayed the team named Rita Repulsa is back at full power and finds the Zeo Crystal. So, guess what You five have no choice but to train and become Power Rangers.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Meanwhile Rita escapes her frozen tomb!

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): AHHH! AFTER 65 MILLION YEARS, I’M FREE! IT’S TIME TO CONQUER EARTH! BUT FIRST I NEED GOLD! (Turl from “Battlefield Earth” stands next to her)

Turl (Played by Paulo Fonseca): Well good luck getting these Rat Brains to get it for you. (Rita vaporizes Turl)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP BUT I WILL GET THE GOLD AND THE ZEO CRYSTAL!

TLOTA (Voiceover): As their training progresses slowly for Zordon’s wants and the fact they haven’t morphed into their suits yet Zordon tries to get them to morph quickly by revealing the Zords to them. Zack takes his out for a joyride and the results aren’t good!

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): GIVE ME YOUR COIN!

Zack (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): WHY?!

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): We nearly got squished Monty Python Style! (Jason punches Zack, Zack accidentally punches Billy and Billy Morphs. Everyone cheer as Zack High-Fives Billy and everyone goes aww! Before cutting to The Command Center)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Feeling as if for every five steps forward the Rangers take, they take 500 steps backwards Zordon believes there’s only one option to take after he dismisses them for the day.

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): As soon as they can access The Morphing Grid I’ll use it to return to my corporeal form and finish Rita off myself. (Jason walks in after hearing that)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): YOU SELFISH AND DISRESPECTFUL SON OF A BITCH!

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): JASON! Uh, just how much of my funny April Fool’s joke did you hear!

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): April Fool’s joke my ass! Just because we’re not going as fast as you want us to, it doesn’t mean we’re not trying.

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): Jason, you do not understand.

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): NO, I DO! YOU’RE GONNA USE US FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH PURPOSES YOU BASTARD! YOU’RE POSSIBLY NO BETTER THAN THIS RITA WE SHOULD FACE. We’ll fight her, but we won’t help you.

(Cut to James in his office before a loud yet muted “WAIT!” by Father Bulkmeier is heard, before cutting to the outside of James’ office.)

Father Bulkmeier: That is sacrilege of the HIGHEST CALIBER! (Cut to James inside his office)

TLOTA: YOU DON’T THINK I KNOW? BELIVE ME I KNOW, I was watching the series since the preview episode in August of 1993!

(Cut to outside of the office when three voices off screen shout “SO DID WE!” as three fans dressed in Old School MMPR gear played by Gus Webb in a Green MMPR Ranger suit, Antoni Matteo Garcia in a Blue MMPR Ranger suit and Chris Lee Moore in a Black MMPR suit before cutting to James in his office.)

TLOTA: Just when I thought I’ve heard and seen EVERYTHING! PURISTS! (Cut to the purists.)

Purist “Tommy” (Played by Gus Webb): This movie doesn’t even do the origin right!

Purist “Jason” (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): Zordon SPECIFICALLY chose the five!

Purist “Billy” (Played by Chris Lee Moore): AND they chose originally NOT to serve until the Putties went on the attack! (Cut to Religious sect)

Father Bulkmeier: They do not speak for myself, Sister Kimberly nor do they speak upon the behalf of The Good Rabbi from Temple Beth-Eltar. (Cut to the purists)

Billy: Oh, the religious sect! YOU GUYS KNOW THAT THE 1995 MOVIE DOESN’T COUNT IN CONTINUITY WITH THE REAL FRANCHISE LIKE WITH “Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie”! (Cut to the Religious Sect)

Rabbi Skullovitch: OH, so you goys want the UNOrthodox denomination! They don’t believe the 1995 movie exists either! (Cut to the entryway into the second hallway as The Captivating Christian stands in there.)

Chris T. Ian: Now that’s not true! We believe the movie exists, we believe it was a good alternate reality version of the Ninja Quest, it’s just that we do not believe it is the word of the Power Rangers (Cut to Religious Sect)

Sister Kimberly: You’re about as authentic as the “Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills” Witnesses!

(Cut to Captivating Christian)

Chris T. Ian: Well at least we’re more authentic than the Power Rangers of the Disney Day Saints!

(Cut to purists)

“Tommy” & “Jason” (In unison): YOU GUYS GOT A GUINEA PIG IN A RELIGION!

(Cut to everyone arguing before cutting to The Captivating Christian)

Chris T. Ian: Operation Overdrive! Even I don’t acknowledge them! (Cut to everyone arguing again as it cuts to James sighing in his office as the audio of the argument before pulling out a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of Martinelli’s)

TLOTA: I need a break whilst I pray for humanity, intelligence and sanity! We’ll be right back!

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro and return to the reenacted scenes of the movie while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Feeling betrayed by Zordon, Jason storms off to where everyone else is camped out for the night outside of the command center and to this movie’s credit there is a bit of good character development and we get some discoveries on the Rangers personally.

Billy (Played by Nicholas Markin): I’m autistic and I like making things explode.

Zack (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): I’m bilingual.

Trini (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I’m bi (Cut to James’ office door)

Dax: So, this is where you dislike about the characters of the Rangers will come into play, how different they are from their source material. (Cut to James in his office)

TLOTA: To be honest, I don’t mind these changes to the Rangers for two reasons. (Cut to stills of Power Rangers 2017 and the Original Five Rangers as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):  First off, the Rangers in the series weren’t bad as a matter of fact they became Iconic for a reason. But I feel I must take off the Nostalgia Filter for this one. Because for all intent and purposes the Rangers personalities were pretty basic. Jason was the stoic leader, Zack was The Fun-Loving Guy, Billy was the brains, Trini was the best friend and could translate Billy’s Scientific Jargon and Kimberly was the stereotypical 90’s teen. Not saying it was a bad thing it’s just that’s what Teens with Attitude were like back then. But here the need for “Attitude” has changed and Attitude plus Personalities working for what is needed for the new Power Rangers worked in this movie’s favor.

(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And secondly, this one is important so uh… (Cut to the door)

Dax: Dax! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Dax, Okay are you at the door? (Cut to Dax)

Dax: Yes! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Good, put your ear up to the door. (James gets up and grabs a bull-horn)

TLOTA: SHUT UP DAX-HOLE! (Dax jump shocks back and falls before cutting back to the reenacted scenes of the movie while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voiceover): After getting back home Trini is greeted by an unwelcomed guest. (Rita pops in and attacks Trini)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): LISTEN, YOU WILL BRING YOUR FELLOW RANGERS AT THE DOCKS OR ELSE!

Trini (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Or else what… (Rita choke slams Trini with one hand then decides to “Chomp down” on her south of the Mason Dixon Line and Trini shout “AAAAAAAAAAAAAWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGAH!” Before cutting to James looking disturbed)

Kat (Muted audio only): You only think it’s disturbing that because you’re a Conservative Republican and as the Mainstream News Media outlets and Samantha Bee have let us know that Republicans are Nazis & Trash like yourself need to be eradicated!

TLOTA: SHUT UP!  I wasn’t disturbed by the fact that Rita did that but by the fact she was so competent in this plan. (Cut to stills from Rita in the classic series and Rita played by Elizabeth Banks in the 2017 movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As much as Rita in the original series had the odd victory against the Rangers especially in the first and second Season especially when the producers decided to have Rita marry Lord Zedd the two of them became even more successful as the third season of the original series went on but that was usually two times out of eight because The Rangers had their backs so close to the wall and were literally optionless! But here the new movie Rita shows some competence by attacking the Rangers or at least one of them on a level that she never did in the series. She attacked them as people with their own foibles and desires. That doesn’t mean she didn’t discard everything about Rita. She just brought her own sensibilities to the character and for the most part it was okay but as an old-school fan she left me feeling disturbed.

(Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Especially when Rita’s plan works so efficiently when the Rangers are caught, Billy is forced to spill he found the Zeo Crystal under the Krispy Kreme and is KILLED by Rita! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: That’s right! Rita Repulsa killed a Ranger! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, after they mourn, the Rangers ponder what to do as Jason tells everyone what he discovered.

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): We can’t let Rita get her hands on the Zeo Crystal but we can’t let Zordon get it either!

Trini, Zack & Kimberly (In unison): Why? (Cut to the Command Center)

Zack (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): Just when we thought we could trust you, you plan on reviving yourself once we get the Zeo Crystal and unlock the Morphing Grid?! YOU WALTER WHITE WIZARD OF OZ qīng wā tuó fēng gǒu niáng yǎng de

Zordon (Played by James Faraci):  Zachary, I don’t know what you’re talking about!

Trini (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Jason told us how once we had the Zeo Crystal you would use it to resurrect yourself, so you could destroy Rita yourself because heavens forbid we aren’t as great as the Rangers from when you were The Red Ranger!

Kimberly (Played by Brenda Fonseca): And I know we’re supposed to beg you to help us save Billy who died protecting us, but now after hearing that bit of news I don’t think YOU should have the Zeo Crystal either.

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): Kimberly, I would have done that because I feel you aren’t ready yet and after becoming what I have become, I said to myself I would never allow people who aren’t prepared to handle the power to take on the fight I started and I must finish.

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): Listen, we found the Power Coins, we learned about the power, what we haven’t learned is for you to trust us to do what we can to save our city, our state, our country, our world and we can’t morph yet SO WHAT?! We’ll finish what you started but you have to trust us to do what we must to do our duty and we PROMISE you WE WILL do our duty to save it all! (00:59-2:13 of “The Great Power” by Graeme Revell plays in the background as The Morphing Grid is activated)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As the Rangers make that impassioned promise to Zordon, The Morphing Grid activates and Zordon sacrifices his chance to resurrect himself to save Billy! (Everyone cheers as Billy is brought back from the Dead and Hug and cry as they happily welcome Billy back! Before a loud “HEY!” audio is heard before cutting to outside of James’ office door)

Purist “Billy” (Played by Chris Lee Moore): ZORDON WASN’T SO MUCH OF A DICK AS EVERYONE MADE HIM OUT TO BE!

Purist “Jason” (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): True, Zordon would never have been that callous and cold.

Purist “Tommy” (Played by Gus Webb): And for the Rangers to chew him out and then promise to save the Earth is just wrong for them to do just to revive Billy and activate The Morphing Grid! (Cut to James in his office Purist “Tommy” continues to ramble on about The Morphing Grid through the door as James looks outside and sees the Purists are on the door and James hits the door and The Purists feel the punch and collapse before cutting back to the reenacted scenes of the movie while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, The Rangers activate The Morphing Grid and Rita is just outside The Krispy Kreme and of course IT… IS… TIME! (The Camera zooms a quarter of an inch away from Jason’s face)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): IT’S MORPHIN TIME! (Cut to the new Morpher as it powers up before cutting to a close-up of the center of the Morpher as it matches the color of the ranger shouting their power)

Zack (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): MASTADON!

Kimberly (Played by Brenda Fonseca): PTERADACTYL!

Billy (Played by Nicholas Markin): TRICERATOPS!

Trini (Played by Rebecca Yaun): SABER-TOOTHED TIGER!

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun):  TYRANNOSAURUS! (Zoom to Jason’s head as it morphs to the 2017’s Red Ranger’s helmet before cutting to the team taking flying jumps over the camera before landing and the camera zooms back to see the team and posing in their suits.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, Rita sends in her putty patrol to take on the Power Rangers and I’ve got to admit the action is on par with the classic series as to how The Power Rangers fight them off. And while yes, the Rangers’ suits look like Iron Man Rejected Marks with Helmets that look more like Jackson Pollack designed them I must admit they’re a step up from the suits in the Classic Series but a Step Down from the 1995 movie! (Cut to James physically)

Purist “Tommy” (Off Screen and Slightly muted): THAT MOVIE IS NOT IN CANNON WITH THE FRANCHISE YOU DISRESPECTFUL PILE OF GARBAGE!

Father Bulkmeier (Off-Screen and Slightly muted): BLASHPHEMER!

Dax (Off-Screen and Slightly muted): NAZI REPUBLICAN!

Rabbi Skullovitch (Off-Screen and Slightly muted): SCHMENDRICK!

TLOTA: SHUT UP! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As the Power Rangers try to get to Rita, Rita finds the Zeo Crystal and then…. (Rita takes a bite out of a doughnut seductively before cutting to James physically looking disturbed)

TLOTA: Thanks Rita I may never enjoy another doughnut again! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie after Rita finishes her bite of Doughnut)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): OH WHAT! IT’S NOT LIKE I WAS DOING THIS! (Rita sticks and licks the inside of the hole of the doughnut and making BL-BL-BL-BL sounds before cutting to James as he begins to look sick then cutting back to Rita) AND I SURE AS HELL WASN’T FISTING THE DOUGHNUT, LIKE SO! (Cut to James as his cheeks start to puff up as Rita makes grunting noises before cutting to Rita with a doughnut hole pearl necklace) AND I ESPECIALLY DIDN’T DO A PEARL NECKLACE AND DO THIS! (Cut to James as he gets his barf keg and Rita makes chomping sounds then blows chunks before cutting to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, after that Rita summons someone familiar to fans of the Power Rangers! (Goldar arises and is played in suit by Eric Kurtzke) That’s right, it’s Goldar and he looks more formidable in the show then here but then…

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): MAGIC WAND MAKE MY GOLDAR GROW! (Goldar grows to his humongous size!)

Power Rangers (In unison): WE NEED DINOZORD POWER NOW! (Cut to Alpha in the Command Center)

Alpha Five (In Suit by Renee Miller but voiced by Eric Kurtzke): One set of Zords right away! Oh, while you’re in the area, can you get some doughnuts?

TLOTA (Voiceover): The Rangers attack Goldar in their Zords and to be fair the use of The Zords are much better than the ones in the series. (Cut to images of the original Zords and the Zords in the 2017 movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Because when you look at the original series the Zords they were very seldom singularly used for an attack, in fact 9 times out of 10 they were just smaller parts of the Megazord! But in the new movie they DO attack individually and to various degrees. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: But I’m sure you’re wondering how could the Rangers be so quick to know how to pilot them. The answer is simple. They’re on instruments! (Cut to a five-way split screen as we see the Rangers doing Dixieland Jazz music in the cockpits of the Zords before cutting to James as he hears a Chorus of Boos!)

TLOTA: Come on it was a Hail Mary, I had to try! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But it appears Goldar got the best of the Rangers and tosses them down a crevice and it looks like Rita has won until… (The Megazord is played in suit by James Faraci before cutting to The Megazord cockpit)

Power Rangers (In Unison): MEGAZORD! POWER UP!

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): NO WAY WILL YOU RANGERS DENY MY WIN! (Rita jumps into Goldar)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As the battle rages on I can honestly say this battle is quite awesome, especially when The Power Rangers in the movie never did in the series. They flat out END GOLDAR! (Cut to the Cockpit of The Megazord)

Power Rangers (In Unison): POWER SWORD NOW! (The Megazord grab the Power Sword before cutting to The Cockpit of The Megazord)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): Time to unleash a gold rush! (The Rangers Kiya and The Megazord slices and destroys Goldar! (The Power Sword slash Goldar and destroys him then Rita comes out of the Rubble of Goldar before cutting to Jason and the Rangers in the Cockpit of the Megazord)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): It’s all over Rita! Surrender and face Zordon’s judgement! (Cut to Rita floating in the air)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): NEVER! TAKE THIS! (Rita tries futilely to attack the Rangers in the Megazord before cutting to the Cockpit of the Megazord)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): Rita, we’re in a Megazord, you didn’t think this out thoroughly, didn’t you?

 (Cut to Rita floating in the air)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): I…. (The Megazord strikes a Seriously pose? Before cutting back to Rita again)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): GUESS NOT! OOPS! (The Megazord backhand swats her away as Rita screams)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): I’LL BE BACK IN THE SEQUELS! YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF ME! (Rita continues to scream as her voice continues to fade away with the last audible words out of her being “I have a headache!” before a blink of light goes “TING!” before cutting to the Power Rangers being cheered by a grateful Angel Grove population)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, Rita is defeated, the Rangers are hailed as heroes.

Amy Jo Johnson: Me and Jason David Frank have a Cameo for a hot second!

Jason David Frank: And the movie ends with The Rangers returning to their ordinary lives as it sets up the actor or maybe actress to become the next Green Ranger aka my character Tommy Oliver!

(Cut to everyone outside of James’ office)

John & Mike Santos and Renee Miller (In Unison): GENIUS!

Olivia & Eric (In Unison): SACRILAGE! (Everyone starts arguing and the Purists chanting “RANGER POWER!” before cutting to James as if he is about to leap out of the office and attack them all)

TLOTA: WHY IN THE NAME OF DANTE’S INFERNO IS EVERYONE GOING NUTTIER THAN A NUT GOODIE OVER A MOVIE?! (Two voices in the background say, “We’re the Reason!” James turns around as the camera cuts to Michael Bay played by Andrew Beach and Zack Snyder played by Paulo Fonseca before cutting to James)

TLOTA: SNYDER! BAY! HOW DID YOU GET PAST THE DEFENSES! (Cut Michael Bay & Zack Snyder)

Zack Snyder: That doesn’t matter guy, the reason we’re the reason is because Dean Israelite and Haim Saban stopped us! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: That is a good thing! I’ve been seeing what the two of you could do on your own. What with what you’ve done with the Ninja Turtles and Transformers Bay and then there’s you Zack, I am now forced to watch DC Movies at home instead of the theaters. I want to enjoy movies not have to hear everyone boo and tear it apart. (Cut to Snyder and Bay)

Michael Bay: But don’t you know of the Prophecy! We are the two of the film makers of the Cinematic Apocalypse! (Cut to James)

TLOTA (Sounding incredulous): What? (Cut to Snyder and Bay)

Zack Snyder: For you see it was written in the Scrolls of Shaymalan that Cinema is an art form that eventually must die and it must be at the hands of Children’s memories of Movies and They must destroy all that children of the past enjoyed. By making decisions about characters that destroys everything you remember from the past and what made you enjoy the stuff you liked as a child!

Michael Bay: And when the dust from the wars from the fans and movie makers settle, everyone will settle for the bottom of the barrel when it comes to true cinema and the characters they will be as bland as cardboard and as lifeless as mannequins!

Zack Snyder: And the masses will enjoy it because they have no choice. The classics will be sacrificed at the hands of studios to give our movies high financial returns and… (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I’ve heard enough. Delta Level Defense! (Zack Snyder and Michael Bay get zapped before cutting to James stopping the argument.)

TLOTA: Listen up, it’s not you or the movie, it’s Hollywood! It’s trying to strangle the creativity out of movies and our childhood memories, then leave us with bland and unimpressive work. (A voice says, “James is right” before cutting to Amy Jo Johnson and Jason David Frank then cutting to the Religious sect.)

Father Bulkmeier (Played by Nick Yaun): It is they! Amy Jo Johnson and Jason David Frank!

Rabbi Skullovitch (Played by Paulo Fonseca): THE HOLY COUPLE! (Cut to Amy Jo Johnson and David Frank)

Jason David Frank: This new movie is not the source of evil as everyone on line is making out to be.

Amy Jo Johnson: It is what movies need to be right now.

Jason David Frank: With all the big budget Marvel movies now following the “Captain America: Civil War” movie criminalizing being a hero and DC Movies being a gigantic clusterbank of dark and wrong ideas. What is so wrong about trying to find the middle ground? That is where Power Rangers is.

TLOTA: Love for the fandoms or eternal war. The choice is yours. (Cut to everyone as they look at one another before they get back to arguing before cutting to James, Amy & Jason heading to James’ office.)

TLOTA: I Really don’t know how much it’ll take before everyone getting back to normal without me unleashing hell on everyone.

Jason David Frank: James, Stand before me. (James turns around to be face to face with Jason David Frank) A true Power Rangers Fan stays true to the Franchise through its ups and downs. The fact you have sat through nearly 900 episodes prove you are loyalty to this franchise and the fact you are honest makes you true to yourself and the Power Rangers.

Amy Jo Johnson: And truth be told NO Power Rangers Fan likes Operation Overdrive.

Jason David Frank: James, you don’t need to go too far. You can take care of it with the power inside and not have to go to a place where you think you annihilate everyone.

TLOTA: You’re right Jason. But I’m not going to need that power. I need someone, a more powerful Power Rangers fan who can handle the mess and I know who that is. (Cut to everyone arguing as James opens the door.)

TLOTA: Okay everyone, LISTEN UP! YOU GUYS WANT TO TAKE ON THE STORM? Well then here comes the F-5 Fury! I SUMMON THE LOVHAUG! (A Bolt of lightning come through the building as a person in full Green Ranger gear including the helmet appears stopping the arguing then The Green Ranger removes his helmet to reveal Linkara.)

Father Bulkmeier: It is he! The Sainted Historian!

Rabbi Skullovitch: In our tongue, he is named “Linkara”! (Cut to Linkara as he begins to nitpick all the things he has found wrong in Power Rangers and the audio reverberates causing the lights to blow and as Linkara continues The Social Justice Champions, The Religious Sect, The Purists, Michael Bay and Zack Snyder all start to feel differently as they see all the energy exuding from Linkara as The Religious Sect, The Purists, Michael Bay, Zack Snyder and The Social Justice Champions begin to feel their molecular structure disintegrate under the pressure before Linkara unleashes his full fury as James barricades himself in the office with Amy Jo Johnson and Jason David Frank. Olivia, Renee, Eric, John & Mike are rendered unconscious before Linkara shouts “AND WHY IN THE HELL DID IT TAKE BLACK CANARY SIX MONTHS TO REACH GOTHAM IF SHE WAS INSTANTLY INSPIRED BY BATMAN!?!” before cutting to The Religious Sect, Social Justice Champions, Purists, Michael Bay & Zack Snyder as they scream and explode! Cut to a few minutes later as James, Jason & Amy step out to see everyone who survived.)

Eric Kurtzke: Whoa! Everyone okay?

Olivia Horvath: I feel more level headed!

John Santos: It’s almost like every negative influence has dissipated!

Mike Santos: It feels like I can see better than I did before.

Renee Miller: It could be because Linkara used some sort of energy that came from him to destroy all that negativity! Seriously! Look around! (Olivia, Eric, John, Mike & Renee look around to see the carnage before cutting to Linkara, James, Amy & Jason)

TLOTA: Now that everyone has calmed down, I can now honestly say what I think of the movie. I thought the movie was…. good. Not bad, not awful, not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, not the best movie I’ve ever seen, not great just good. (Cut to Olivia, Eric, John, Mike & Renee)

Eric Kurtzke: But that doesn’t fit either side.

John Santos: Well that’s neither here nor there since Linkara wiped all of them out. (Cut to Linkara, James, Amy & Jason)

TLOTA: I get what Eric is saying John and you know what, I can do that because I consider myself a HUMAN BEING BY HAVING MY OWN THOUGHTS! (Cut to stills of the new Power Rangers movie, the classic Mighty Morphin Power Rangers & the J.J. Abrams reboot of Star Trek as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Believe it or not, I had been thinking of this reboot since I saw the start of the Kelvin time lined Star Trek movie in 2009, it was when Disney had given up on Power Rangers. I wanted it to have the feel and style of it and yet not be a complete carbon copy of other Childhood rebooted movies. Did I get that? Yeah, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t fail in certain areas. Some of the computer designed characters like Goldar didn’t exactly make me say “OH MY GOD GOLDAR IS A THREAT!”  but that is a minor detail. Where it succeeded was when they were doing something unique and different. I liked how much they acted like real teenagers with real attitude and that is where the actors from this movie pay homage to the classic characters but the difference is in the attitude. In the 1990’s the attitude was different from the ones in the new movie. The ones from the classic series had an attitude but a bit less jaded, in the new movie you can tell the attitude was a bit more jaded but they had to connect to the classic fans and newer ones. Did they do that? Not well enough to my liking but the fact they connected the way that they did make a connection kind of works in the movie’s favor. Do I suggest you see it in the theaters? HELL YES. Do I think you should purchase it on Blu-Ray, DVD & Digital HD Download? That I’ll leave to your discretion. Check the movie out and if you enjoy it, good for you. If not, I won’t hold it against you. (Cut to Olivia, Renee, John, Mike & Eric)

Olivia Horvath: Well since you put it that way I kind of admit the new movie isn’t as socially bad as everyone makes it out to be.

John Santos: The action wasn’t as bad ass as it should have been but it wasn’t at the levels of something those trapped on the Satellite of Love would mock for jollies.

Renee Miller: But can we all agree on the fact that Krispy Kreme Doughnuts are awesome! (Everyone walks away in agreement before cutting to James, Linkara, Amy Jo Johnson & Jason David Frank)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans alongside Linkara, Amy Jo Johnson and Jason David Frank here to let you know that as long you have the Power, be sure to use it wisely and it will protect us all!

Jason David Frank: And know this, when everything is against you don’t fear up!

TLOTA, Linkara, Amy Jo Johnson & Jason David Frank: POWER UP!

(James, Linkara, Amy Jo Johnson & Jason David Frank do a heroic pose before cutting to hours later as James cleans up the mess with Linkara)

TLOTA: Thanks for helping clean up the mess!

Linkara: Well, I made it, might as well take responsibility for it. (Skype rings are heard as James looks at Linkara)

Linkara: GO! I’ll handle this!

TLOTA: Thanks! (James rushes over to his office)

TLOTA: You got James, what’s up? (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Paulo: Hey there James! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Hey Guys, you gonna be back soon! (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Brenda Fonseca: We’ll be back at the end of the week. Oh by the way The Cats found a device outside of Rowdy’s house. ORAC scanned and noticed it was not made on Earth. Though after ORAC scanned and tried to figure out where it came from Cecil placed it back under lock & key in a safe.

Cecil (Offscreen): We can’t let it fall into the wrong hands! Besides we know what we’re doing! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Including to see if it was shut off. (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Perkins (Offscreen): D’OH!

Nick Yaun: I’ll fix it! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Now you said the device wasn’t made on Earth.  Brenda, was the technology based on Earth technology? (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house.)

Brenda Fonseca: Yeah as if it was salvaged from a Satellite escape pod. Why did you ask if you knew it was Earth based Technology? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I didn’t. ORAC had left me a note before he left with you guys down to Texas. According to the last report from the Satellite there were rumblings down in Deck 14.  Just couldn’t confirm it until now. Stupidiot must have found the escape pod in the box of Hamdingers. (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Cecil (Offscreen): According to Stupidiot, he didn’t make the device. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Wait, you’ve been in contact with him? (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Cecil (Offscreen): Who the hell did you think we called in to help us when we were attacked after The Top 10 Dumbest Power Rangers moments list, Malicia? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Good point, but do me a favor keep him on a short leash! Anything else? (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Rebecca Yaun: Well, we’ve set up the device you made using the DNA extrapolated from Rowdy’s Sonic Screwdriver and the isomorphic lock you installed to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. So that the next time Rowdy disappears they can find him quicker. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Good work, get back here soon. (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Paulo Fonseca: We know what’s coming next month, We’re not excited. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Neither am I, but it’s a job and we’ve got to do what we got to do! See you guys soon! (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Paulo, Nick, Brenda & Rebecca (In Unison): Later James! (Cut to James stepping away to help finish the clean-up)

TLOTA: Thanks again for helping with the clean up!

Linkara: No problem, man! Say why did Alan outsource the Comicron-One Crash to you?

TLOTA: I have ORAC, he sent me the footage of everything. I noticed the person who activated that faulty Cybermat.

Linkara: If you’re going to say 90’s Kid I already know. The backstabber, why didn’t he tell me he was in league with Vyce?

TLOTA: Well I have a theory. After he got the message back to you after that trip to 2099 he found something disconcerting and well in a moment of cowardice, he turned to someone who he thought could help. Why not you I have no clue. All I know is that when 90’s Kid committed what he did, he forfeited all rights that most criminals should have when they are incarcerated.

Linkara: If he comes your way, let me know. I know ORAC took out the wiretaps.

TLOTA: Yeah even I think you may be going too far. But if he tries to find sanctuary, I’ll show none to him.

Linkara: Good. Nimue, teleport me to the Vigilant! (Linkara teleports away, James puts away the cleaning equipment as the same teleport sound is heard.)

TLOTA (Audio only): Forget something Li… (Cut to James coming face to face with 90’s Kid and James pulls out his Sonic Screwdriver) DELTA LEVEL DEFENSE! (90’s Kid is left incapacitated before cutting a few hours later as 90’s Kid is tied down, a little bloodied up and beaten down.)

TLOTA: Don’t try teleporting out like last time, I took out your teleportation tag! Now, I want to know something, WHY DID YOU BETRAY LINKARA?!

90’s Kid: You don’t see it do you dude? All you’re seeing is a fellow internet reviewer, I saw something you couldn’t comprehend. (James picks up 90’s Kid’s head and punches it hard straight into the forehead)

TLOTA: TELL ME ANOTHER LIE AND I’LL STOVE YOUR TRAITOROUS HEAD IN! WHY DID YOU BETRAY LINKARA?!

90’s Kid: I had no other choice besides have you looked at yourself lately? You’re becoming no different than him! (James picks up 90’s Kid’s head and slams it up against the wall!)

TLOTA: Okay, you’re not gonna tell me the truth about your betrayal, fine. Let’s move on to something you do know. Where is Vyce and why did you sabotage Comicron-One?

90’s Kid: This violates the Geneva Convention!

TLOTA: The Geneva Convention isn’t gonna save you this time. (James starts up a generator as readies a tub of water and places 90’s Kid’s feet in the tub and plugs in a battery charger.) Last chance, the truth or you suffer what I call the “Tickle Me Elmo punishment”.

90’s Kid: “Tickle Me Elmo punishment”?

TLOTA: Well, it’s something I wanted to see happen to a Tickle Me Elmo back when it was oversaturating the market and buying it became impossible. My brother came up with this one. Buy it, hook it up to a car battery via Jumper Cables, turn the car on and watch Elmo do the Shake Dance! Except this time, YOU are Tickle Me Elmo!

90’s Kid: Not Radical!

TLOTA: Last chance, Tell the truth or find yourself in a Shocking situation! (A Hand grabs James, turns him around and punches him in the forehead knocking James down. With his last moments of consciousness James launches something onto 90’s Kid before he and the figure teleports away.)