Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The End Of Mankind Part One

(The Channel Awesome Mark 2 Logo opening is halfway through the few second run when a missle destroys it and whatever debris is left land on a decimated city with text saying Channel Awesome in association with Manic Expression productions, Rowdy C Productions &MadiMaly Entertainment Present. A Production. A James Faraci Film as gigantic robots look around and an explosion is seen as a group of people run for a storm door leading to a poorly lit tunnel and an old man played by Barney Walker does a voiceover)

"Critic" (Voiceover): My name has been forgotten for some time now. The only title I remember is "Critic" and I remembered so much especially when it came to how things when came to pass to bring forth The End Of Mankind itself. (The group of people look up as it fades to a starry sky with a gigantic tear in the sky and the tear comes towards the Screen to show the inverse of the sky as  everything zooms to the front of the screen as the words "The End Of Mankind" are shown before cutting to credited actors of Doug Walker on top and Barney & Sandy Walker on the bottom, Malcolm Ray on top and Fard Muhammad on the bottom, Tamara Chambers on top and Benjamin Daniels on the bottom, James Faraci on top and Eli Stone on the bottom, John Ross Santos on the top and Mike Santos on the bottom, Eric Neil Kurtzke on the top and Renee Miller on the bottom, Brad Jones on the top and Nash Bozard on the bottom, Chris Lee Moore on the top and Carey Denise Moore on the bottom, Lewis Lovhaug on the top and William DuFresne on the bottom, Mathew Buck on the top and Mike Jeavons on the bottom, Luke Mochrie on the top and John Webber on the bottom, Kaylyn Saucedo on top and Rachel Herrick on the bottom, Mickey Paradis & Tom Hanley on the top and Rob Walker on the bottom, Paul Schuler & Elisa Hanson on top and Noah Antweiler & Stevie Swigart on the bottom, Joe Vargas on the top and Jack Shen on the bottom, Paulo & Rebecca Fonseca on top and James Sullivan & Alex DeCourville on the bottom, Lea Michele on top, Chad Rocco in the middle and Chris Stuckmann on the bottom and Bhargov Dronamraju as Ma-Ti Cameramen: Doug Walker, Rob Walker, Jim Jarosz & Ed Glaser. Lighting & Sound: Justin Barnes, Terrence Dellinger. Special Effects Make up & Make up: Haley Barnes. Music: Michael ‘Skitch’ Schiciano. Orchestrations by Barney Walker, Special Effects: Jim Troken, Marek Wodzinski, Tony Katajisto, Alyssa Raabe, Allen Stephens, Andrew Dickman & David Wenol. Writers: Doug Walker, Rob Walker, James Faraci & Chris Lee Moore.  Edited by Doug Walker & James Faraci, Directed by James Faraci. As Portal zooms through to James in a still frame holding the sword as he takes on the plot hole in "The Mighty Crusade".)

"Critic" (Voiceover): Some say that things got rough when one man who called himself "The Last Of The Americans" stood against a plot hole. (Cut to images zooming through moments in "To Boldly Flee" to a still image of Ma-Ti fending off Malachite in "Suburban Knights") Or when an angry South American named Ma-Ti took on an ancient sorcerer named Malachite.(Cut to images zooming through "Suburban Knights" to a still image of The Nostalgia Critic reaching out while getting stomped by everyone involved in the Kickassia invasion in "Kickassia") Or when I tried to take over an acre of land and name it "Kickassia" (Cut to a Still of England as Dr. Insano walks hand in hand with Mary Queen Of Scots in "The Day of The Hero") Or when Dr. Insano was exiled to Scotland to be briefly married to Bloody Mary (Cut through zooming images to a war weary Caliverti from "The Day Of The Hero) Or when we saved an Island Continent near the Galapagos Islands. (Cut to an image less weary Caliverti with a light shattering the grey skies over Caliverti in "The Mighty Crusade.") Twice. (Cut to a black screen) But the truth happened when one of us went rouge. His name is so hated it has been forgotten. (Cut to images of Newspapers with the headlines "Internet Reviewers to be removed from Internet by 2016) He did something so wrong, it caused a total collapse in Society. (Cut to footage of internet reviewers lifeless corpses left to rot and in the pile is James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans.) One of those who were killed was probably the only one who could've stopped this was known only as either James or "The Last Of The Americans" either way he was the one who could have saved us. (Cut back to the group of people in an underground tunnel and the camera moves down the line.) Most of us who survived extinction now are underground with every government agency wishing us destroyed makes me wonder (Camera stops to an aged Nostalgia Critic played by Barney Walker.) How much longer will we survive? Is there any hope? The answer as of now (A hand comes up behind the aged Nostalgia Critic as a hand comes behind him and he turns the aged Nostalgia Critic.)

"Critic": Malcolm, What did you find? (Malcolm played by Fard Muhammad leads the aged Nostalgia Critic down a corridor)

Malcolm: We found it in an abandoned base. Hopefully we can use it. Tamara, is it working yet? (Cut to Tamara played by Sandy Walker)

Tamara: If it does, it'll be a miracle. (Tamara finds an activation Keycard and sticks it into a familiar looking device) ORAC, Can you hear us? (Sparks fly out of the ORAC console body)

ORAC: Funct..Funct...Functionality is at best minimal. I know what you must do to stop to stop to stop this cccccc catastrophe. It will of course put you in harms waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

"Critic": I don't think I'll survive but it appears we have no choice. (Cut to "Critic", Tamara and Malcolm running from moving lights with ORAC in their clutches as they make it to a base to see a chamber of sorts.)

"Critic": What will this do, ORAC?

ORAC: If it is functional functional functional it will send you back to a moment before all of this began began began began. (ORAC sparks again) Functionality is limited now.

Malcolm: So what should we do?

"Critic" Not we Malcolm. Me. I have to go back, convince everyone I'm not me in the sense that I'm my usual self and get everyone together. ORAC ready the chamber.

ORAC: Unfortunately I can make approx approx approx approximate coordinates through the rift. You might not land in your own bod bod bod bod body.

Robotic guard (Audio only): You are in an restricted area. Surrender immediately!

Tamara: Hurry, Come back soon, hopefully to something better.

"Critic": I will. (Tamara and "Critic" Kiss) See you soon. ("Critic" enters the pod as the door is slammed.)
Malcolm: Okay ORAC, Activate the pod. (ORAC Hums as the Door bursts and Robotic guards stand toe to toe with Malcolm and Tamara as "Critic"'s body is disintegrated into a burst of light and ORAC says quickly "goodbye" and destructs blowing up the base altogether as the blast of white light stays for a few seconds as it fades the camera cuts to a POV shot of someone waking up in a peach colored bedroom.)

A Voice: Where am I? When am I? Why don't I sound like myself? (The body behind my voice finds the day's paper showing it is Mid March 2015 in Chicago.) Well that explains when and where I am but it doesn't explain why I sound female. Female? Oh God no! OH GOD NO! (The body behind the voice runs to a Mirror to discover that the body he's in is in fact "Hyper Fan Girl")

Hyper Fan Girl: AW! FUCK DONKEYS!