Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Have you Cena "Marine" lately?

(Scene begins with an overhead shot of the Catskills and the “Xena” theme song plays in the foreground before cutting to a clip of the n.W.o 2002 WWE run as an announcer played by DukeCT says “In a time of returning ancient tribes.”, Brock Lesnar brutalizing everyone as an announcer played by DukeCT says “Monsters” and Triple H holding both the World Heavyweight and WWE Championship as an announcer played by DukeCT says “And men who would be kings!” and the WWE brand splitting for the first time as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A company divided cries out for a hero” as more matches play scenes of two different men getting prepared one with a pair of Jean Shorts the other a pair of contractor jeans. The First man preparing a colored shirt, the other putting on an American Flag shirt before cutting to the first man entering a ring who just so happens to be John Cena before cutting to an image of John Cena as he holds a championship and the words “Cena: Warrior Actor” an announcer played by DukeCT says, “He was Cena!” before cutting to a clip of John Cena running at full steam as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A mighty warrior forged in the challenge of competition!” before seeing John hit an AA on Edge and The Big Show before cutting to James Faraci as it cuts to James Faraci getting to his seat as the credit reads “Starring James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” before cutting to a clip of John Cena hits Edge with an AA at Unforgiven as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The intensity” before cutting to an image of Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun & Nick Yaun, John & Mike Santos, Ed Champion & Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath and Renee Miller as they see their names before cutting to James on the horseshoe couch as he plays a movie before cutting to John Cena’s Acting Repertoire as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The Actor” as more clips of John Cena’s Acting Repertoire before cutting to John Cena as he takes a butt bong of beer before cutting to James gets ready for another review as an announcer played by DukeCT says “His Reviews will change the internet forever!” before cutting to a blurred black and white image of John Cena holding the WWE Championship and the words “The Last Of The Americans” shimmer in before fading to James at his desk)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. John Felix Anthony Cena Jr, otherwise known on the internet as… (Cut to the JOHN CENA sign before hearing his “You Can’t See Me” theme as it blares before cutting to clips of John Cena’s achievements as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yes! I know he’s very well respected in the world of Professional Wrestling especially when it comes to his time in the WWE. He’s won multiple titles, earned the respect of so many legends and newcomers and has solidly cemented his reputation. But even though he has some history of burying a lot of talent but when you look at his IMDB he’s been doing some acting as of late and has gotten a little cred in the acting world you have to wonder if he’s getting buried in schlock. Do I think he’ll earn any award for acting? Not really but he may just have enough of a career not to be forgotten. (Cut to Paulo and Brenda Fonseca at James’ door)
Paulo Fonseca:
James, you’ve got a problem!
Brenda Fonseca:
It’s Renee and John (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
If they’re not feeling well, I can get someone to help. (Cut to James, Mike Santos, Ed Champion, Andrew Beach, Brenda and Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun and Olivia Horvath)
TLOTA:
You’ve got to be kidding me! (Cut to John and Renee on the couch with signs saying, “Down with The Last Of The Americans” and “Cena Rocks, Faraci Sucks”)
John Ross Santos:
Nope! We’re protesting this three-month attack on John Cena!
Renee Miller:
If you try to even get through at least ONE review, you’ll regret it James! (Cut to James, Mike Santos, Ed Champion, Andrew Beach, Brenda and Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun and Olivia Horvath)
TLOTA:
I’m already regretting it especially since I already know with which movie I’m beginning with! (Cut to the opening credit from the trailer of “The Marine” before cutting to clips of “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
“The Marine” is not only John Cena’s first leading acting role, not only the first movie produced by WWE’s Movie production company, it is also the first movie that somehow tries to parody Michael Bay’s style of movies. But does it make me wish I was watching a Michael Bay Movie? (Cut to James physically in his office)
TLOTA:
And knowing I just said Michael Bay so many times I’m surprised he hasn’t arrived! (Cut to James and the others looking in shock as they see Michael Bay played by Steve Kidd hogtied by Renee Miller and John Santos)
John Santos:
You’re not using him for a gag now stop the review. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Too Late, this is “The Marine” (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Our movie begins in the middle of an extraction mission in Iraq where our hero John Triton played by Cena sees his fellow marines held hostage by terrorists. Knowing that his fellow marines have about as much time as a Hot Pocket being done. Triton decides to go in and take down those oppressive terrorist bastards! (Show clip of John Triton taking out terrorists with a clip in the Middle of it where Angry Joe shouts “It’s no use the Bullets are just going through the holes!” before cutting back to the movie and James’ voiceover) After that bit of heroism, John Triton is being discharged for saving his fellow marines that’s gratitude for ya. (Show clip of John Triton being discharged before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
So even though he disobeyed an order, he saved his fellow marines and is discharged for it. Okay movie, I am now legally within my right to do THIS! (Cut to James as he stands up with the rest of Team TLOTA that’s willing to work as a Piano play in the background)
TLOTA and Team TLOTA (Singing):
WE IS A GOVERNMENT!  WE IS A GOVERNMENT! WE FILLED WITH TUPID SJERKS! WE IS A GOVERNMENT! WE IS A GOVERNMENT! WE IS A REASON NO TING WORKS! (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
John Triton comes home to his smoking hot wife Kate played by Kelly Carlson where they proceed to have a long session of the Humpty Hump. Because trust me if I was overseas for a long time and had all that personal emotion building up for a long time, I’d be having the same type of romantic escapades which in this movie rivals “The Room” sans Naval Banging! Meanwhile a bank robber played by the T-1000 himself Robert Patrick decides to heist some diamonds and WHOA! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Okay, seeing as how there will be a fair share of explosions, let’s go through them and see how far up the Michael Bay Scale they go! (Cut to scenes of explosions from “The Marine” as we see a pic of Michael Bay’s ugly mug going upwards before the last explosion of the movie as John Triton tries to revive his wife while an explosion goes off in the background has Bay’s head zoom up before cutting to James as Bay’s head explodes and destroys James’ desk)
TLOTA:
Okay, if this running gag happens to me throughout the rest of the year, I might as well not have a desk!
(Cut to “The Marine” as Rome hams it up saying how he loves “South Carolina” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
You’re in South Carolina?! Well there is plenty of ham that you can chow down on while you act there Rome! So, after that bit of crazy we see a detective is on the case to stop Rome before chomping down on more scenery and get the diamonds. Meanwhile John Triton is having a very hard first day as a guard of a very business tower especially when a loud-mouthed Jack-ass work shames his ex-girlfriend and is escorted out though admittedly that asshole had it coming but Triton is fired immediately for dealing with him and if Shaymalan is correct he and four other assholes will be stuck in a elevator with the Devil and killed for their sins. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Speaking of people doing stupid things unnecessarily, I’ve got to check up on something quick. (Cut to John and Renee on the couch now joined by Wrestling With Wregret’s Brian Zane before cutting to James)
TLOTA:
Brian, what are you doing here? (Cut to John and Renee on the couch now joined by Wrestling With Wregret’s Brian Zane)
Brian Zane:
Well, when I heard you were reviewing “The Marine” my initial reaction was to wish you luck. But seeing as how Renee and John here on strike because you plan on doing three months of reviews on John Cena let me do the following. (Brian Zane hocks up a spitball and spits it in James’ face.)
TLOTA:
This review may kill me! (Fade to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Realizing he went into the civilian world of employment too quickly Triton and his wife decide to take a vacation. Meanwhile Rome and his girl after discussing How the trigger-happy goon known as Morgan went over the line and of course do the Humpty Hump. We see Morgan looking for a clean ride after realizing their car was marked. What happens next is a bad joke and a fourth wall break that makes Deadpool angry with insanity. (Show clip of Morgan looking at the ride he is given and gets upset over it before looking at the better ride and then looking at the audience before a shot is heard and a pair of cartoonish eyes look at the hole before Morgan drops dead and Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson walks up and kicks Morgan while he’s down)
Deadpool:
BAD MORGAN! BAD MORGAN! YOU UNFUNNY ROCK CANDY HATING PILE OF CRAP! And as for you James, I’m joining the protest! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Man, even my own gags are against me now! (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
As if by cinematic coincidence, Triton and his wife are on their way towards a vacation and gas up their ride at the SAME GAS STATION ROME AND HIS GOONS ARE GASSING UP THEIR RIDE! A cop drives in and chats with Rome about the car. However, Morgan being paranoid kills the cop leading Rome to wound the other cop, take Triton’s ride, kidnap Kate and Blow up the Gas Station leaving behind only the fresh scent of pine and one pissed off John Triton. (Show clip of John Triton as he describes what happened before cutting to a group of State Troopers played by a dwindling number of James’ team mates and James dressed as Sam Gerard in “The Fugitive” and “U.S. Marshals”)
Sam Gerard:
Alright, listen up, ladies and gentlemen, our fugitive has been on the run for more than 24 hours. Average speed on highways in a vehicle is 65 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of 125 miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up every five miles. Your fugitive's name is Rome! Go get him. (Show clip of John Triton chasing down Rome and his fugitives as one of them mention “The Terminator” before cutting to James as color palate is different)
TLOTA (Distorted Audio):
Damn it movie, your reference made the universe divide by itself! GOOD ONE! (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
As both rides are taken out Rome, his crew and Kate hoof it through the swamp meanwhile the detective from earlier and Triton meet up. The Detective tells Triton to back off but when it’s Kelly Carlson well let’s say I’ve seen men walk on their ass backwards through hot coals over a lava pit just to say hi to her. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do! Anyway, Triton having skills as a Marine says he’s gonna track them down and bring them back dead or alive but knowing him they are all worm chow when he gets his hands onto them. Meanwhile everyone knowing that Morgan whose missing a few screws thinks they’re ganging up on him because of his race when the reality is Morgan needs serious therapy wraparound jacket and all! (Cut to Morgan as he makes insane claims before cutting to the MST3K episode “The Mole People” as Joel, Tom Servo and Crow shout “SHUT UP!” at the screen before returning to the movie as James continues his voiceover) As one of the goons is killed by Rome for Gator Chow, Triton finds the dagger left by the dead goon as a sign to know he’s on their trail. Meanwhile Rome and the others make it to a nice little out of the way shack where we get Morgan’s backstory as to why he’s Nicolas Cage levels of Cuckoo. (Show clip of Morgan telling his backstory as he says he was raped, sodomized and molested by a camp counselor before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
Okay between this jack ass (James’ right hand points to an image of the Work Shaming Jack Ass from earlier) and this poor schmuck (James’ Left hand pointing at an image of Morgan from earlier looking at the audience) THIS IS FIVE MINUTES AWAY FROM BEING A COMEDIC EPISODE OF “LAW AND ORDER: SVU”! The only things missing? Mariska Hargitay, Ice-T, the rest of the “SVU” cast and crew and of course THE HUMOR!  (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
While Triton continues his hunt, we get… Well this happens. (Show clip of John Triton being held down by a pair of rednecks as if they plan to do something horrible to John Triton in a drug lab before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
UHHHHHH! (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
THANKFULLY Triton gets out of his situation and resumes his hunt which leads him to the same nice little out of the way shack Rome and his crew as he kills Morgan and the other goon before The Detective meets up with Triton as it’s revealed he was in on the Jewel Heist from earlier! WAIT WHAT?! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Okay if he was in on the heist why didn’t he set up better protection for Rome and his crew, first. Secondly, shouldn’t the detective have traveled with Triton to cover his tracks? Third and finally, how come he didn’t give Rome and his goons alibis just in case something like this happens? (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Oh well no time for answers as Rome’s girl and Kate have themselves a catfight! (Show clip of Kate and Rome’s girl fighting as Joey Styles shouts “CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT!” before resuming the movie as James continues his voiceover) After the Detective is taken down Triton continues his hunt as the Shack goes kablammo. As Rome needs to ditch the ride, they commandeer a truck which should’ve led to this… (Cut to James dressed as a trucker as the C.B voiced by Nick Yaun says “Breaker, Breaker Ol Red got his ride hijacked heading south.”)
The Trucker:
Breaker, Breaker this here’s the Shepherd’s son we’re gonna need a convoy to end this sumbitch before he takes another rig anybody got their ears on please reply and join me in taking him down. (Multiple voices say Roger that as James honks his horn before cutting back to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Triton eventually catches up with Rome as he plays “Toss A Skank into a Bus”. Pissed about losing the girl and the diamonds Rome goes into full on out killer mode to knock Triton off the rig just as it hits the water leaving Kate to die. After Triton is pounded into hamburger by Rome. Triton has enough and drops a flaming hangar on the guy. Triton grabs his wife and revives her. Thank you for ending it… (Cut to a fully crispy Rome trying to kill Triton once again before cutting to James physically shouting, “DAMN IT KILL HIM ALREADY!” before cutting to Triton finally killing Rome and Triton and Kate joke about going to the beach)
TLOTA (Voiceover)
And with that the movie ends with Triton and Kate living happily ever after and this franchise being a WWE Straight To DVD Goldmine for Mike Mizanin after a misstep with Ted Dibiase Jr. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So that was “The Marine” aaaand after sitting though it I can say that it’s okay at best. (Cut to clips of “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
All things considered, it’s not a bad movie but after watching it after forgetting for a while and then seeing it again, it didn’t leave an impact on me. But Robert Patrick, John Cena and the cast does a good job but some of the characters don’t have much as a personality. The story and the plot feel like it was done on the fly, the action was engaging, the comedy just doesn’t work, but for all its problems, I found it so enjoyable that it’s worth a watch at the very least. Check it out and see if this will make you feel the pride knowing Cena made Marines more bad ass then they already are. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And since I have two more months, I’m just gonna look outside and see if it’s safe for me to stay here now. (James walks over before cutting to waves of People outside James’ Studio chanting “MORE CENA REVIEWS! NO PEACE!” before cutting to James closing the blinds to his windows.) I’m just gonna work elsewhere for now. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and… (An explosion rocks the scene as James reacts accordingly) I’M OUTTA HERE! (James runs off screen as the sound of James’ time and space device activates off screen before cutting to black)

Friday, December 21, 2018

The Top 10 TLOTA Moments of 2018

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)



TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. You know when 2017 ended, I thought it was the craziest year of my life. 2018 stepped in said "Hold My Beer!" and went into even crazier territory! (Cut to clips of certain clips from reviews from "The Last Of The Americans" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I'm talking about an ex-crush's husband kidnapping me with the intent to kill me and two of my friends. Having to fly a plane and land it safely while reviewing the horrible Woody Woodpecker  live action movie. A brawl with execs who rather prefer the company of charts, test audiences and other things that are partly ruining Hollywood and everyone getting their backsides handed to them. A woman I have a crush on became imbued with the powers and memories of an ex-girlfriend that sent a secondary member of my team on a journey that had him cause a riot thinking that Nuclear Weapons were being launched. I had to deal with a pissed off Chai who got me in trouble with Sea Cops. and in between all of every single crazy thing that happened I made blogger of the month at Manic Expression back in March of this year. That's like making it to being Employee Of The Month and I am so humbled that I earned this honor. Then there are moments that  I will NOT mention however I am lucky to have gotten to this point. So while I'm talking about moments, for the second time ever in doing this I've got Honorable mentions.

Connect The Plots: "Superboy" & "Lois and Clark") This was something I noticed while checking out Superman Minutia and I noticed this connection between these two classic shows.

"The Different Cuts of Blade Trinity with The Maven Of The Eventide") Working with Eliza Hanson and her family was a pretty good  time for all of us even though the movie in question was horrendous to sit through. 

Reality Checkout: Jersey Shore) Just the fact the show and the participants has a following to this day is enough to send most Italians and Italian Americans into a fury that dwarfs an eruption from Montecristo!

"Is there a real Superman Curse") Having heard tales of what happened to the actors who put on the Superman Suit was hard to deal with but I had to talk about it for the sake of the future of any actor who played Superman and any who will from this moment on.

"In Defense Of Smallville") Sitting through a ten year series that had it's fair share of bad and good moments there was something that needed to be liked and not forgotten.

What I want to see if there is a "Mako Mermaids" movie/ Top 10 "H2O: Just Add Water" & "Mako Mermaids" episodes) These two I lumped together because they're for all intents and purposes a follow-up to the summer retrospective series. Getting these out of me was a necessity. Plus I loved the ending which allowed me the chance to step out of the shell and allow me to be something I rarely allow myself to be human and show my feelings to another person. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: 

And since I allowed myself to be human, well now I'm allowing myself to step out of character. (James pulls out his morpher and de-morphs back to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
And now with five of your favorites and five of mine it's time for The Top Ten The Last Of The Americans Moments of 2018.


(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers Movie Power Rangers at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman  and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it  before the words "The Top 10 moments on top of" the slab and the words "of 2018" before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab) 

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number ten

(Cut to clips of both parts of "How to Successfully go from Reviewers to "Producers" as James does a voiceover)

10) "How to Successfully go from Reviewers to "Producers"

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This was my most ambitious review EVER! A full on out musical homage to not only Mel Brooks' first successfully directed movie but also the Broadway and Hollywood musical revival of this movie and Mel's Career in general. However it is also one of my most time and labor induced piece as I had to get my friend Antoni Garcia to help me and Alex direct this as well as work on the music and the story as well. Plus, I drained a ton of my year's budget on sets, actors, and all sorts of things to get this review off the ground. As such scenes had to be cut and musical numbers removed in order to get the review done. A good chunk of both versions of "The Producers" references and story had to be removed for time's sake and I hated that. Also because things were getting to out of hand as it was I had to cut the project into two parts. Making it A) My longest review ever and B) sadly my least viewed of all time. But I enjoyed working with Antoni and Alex, I learned on how to work better manage time and my resources and it's for me one of my favorites.

(Cut to the ending of  "How to Successfully go from Reviewers to "Producers" before fading to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab) 


James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number nine



(Cut to clips of "Flipping Woody The Bird" as James does a voiceover)

09) "Flipping Woody The Bird"

James Faraci (Voiceover):
This was not only the review that introduced the new intro, this was the movie that made Walter Lantz roll in his grave and made me wish I was seeing this on a plane near the emergency exit and opening it and between thinking that, Checking out the movie "Airplane" to give me a reason not to take the quick way out of reviewing this. Plus the "Surfin' Bird" moment made me think of all things The "Family Guy" cutaway gag in which Brian and Stewie demolish the damned thing which after hearing and seeing this moment gave me the best moment I'd ever have recreating a scene from a movie which I had to show a lot of them what the source was which was "Office Space" so a combo of parodies made possibly the best timed jokes in the review. But to me I always try to balance a lot out which I did and is a personal favorite review of mine.



(Cut to the ending of "Flipping Woody The Bird" as it appears James and Alex are going to kiss before the two agree it'd be wrong before fading to black then cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)



James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number eight



(Cut to clips of "Superman III to the third Power" as James does a voiceover)

08) "Superman III to the third power"

James Faraci (Voiceover):
There was a lot going on. First off, it was Superman's 80th birthday, I wanted to do a review with Obscurus Lupa and Phelous as well as one of my other friends. Thankfully Gus "The Nostalgia Kid" Webb and I wanted to review something less painful than "Superman IV: The Quest For Peace" or "Superman Returns" or any of the recent DC Movies. So I checked out Superman III and I found Internet Reviewer GOLD. However while Gus stayed on, I never heard back from either Phelan or Alison. So my second choice was "The Blockbuster Buster" even though I didn't want to make him feel like second choice. I was even going to help pay for the 300th by paying fifty dollars for reviewing services rendered just so he can sit, make jokes and write them down. But that didn't pan out. While Gus was still BARELY on board I was able to talk to two others Charles "DukeCT" Thomas and Jeff "Writrzblok" Gwinnup. While DukeCT and Writrzblok were both on board DukeCT bowed out in favor of a crossover further on down the road to which I was more than glad to oblige to that. But that didn't mean getting the review done was a piece of pie. I had to deal with Steve being out on the road and what sort of Chaos he'd do out on the road. Not intentionally mind you but still (Cut to clip of Steve nearly causing a riot when he hears an emergency siren all because he heard and thought Nuclear Attack before slamming to black and then cutting to James)


James Faraci:
Yeah, He nearly went away for a long time for that one.  (Cut to the clip of James trying to get to talk to Alex as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
But the most important part for me was to contact Julia Alexa Miller partly to make sure that she wasn't in too bad a shape after my fifth anniversary review and the aftermath of it. I'll get to it later on in this list but it is something that I in real life would do if I were either directly or indirectly the cause of someone's misfortunes and I would do anything to help no matter what would happen to me because, that's the kind of guy I am.



(Fade to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)



James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number seven



(Cut to clips of the "What is up with the Disney Hate?" editorial as James does a voiceover)

07) "What is up with the Disney Hate?"


TLOTA (Voiceover):
Initially meant to be a sort of unique take on an almost April Fool's editorial on a take of SF Debris' telling of how classic "Doctor Who" got the axe involving how Disney did wrong to Power Rangers as a warning as to why giving or letting Disney have too much and how it can go very, very WRONG . The recent news of Disney's acquisition of 20th Century Fox turned what was meant to be an April Fool's editorial into a legitimate editorial. That is incredible. So in essence what started out as a joke turned into something serious when reality outdid what meant a fictional joke and I was amazed that everyone liked this and agreed with some of my thoughts on a subject that I had liked for 25 years and speaking of that subject...



(Cut to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)



James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number six



(Cut to clips of "25 Dimensions Of Power Rangers" as James does a voiceover)

06) "25 Dimensions Of Power Rangers"


James Faraci (Voiceover):
The 25th series of Power Rangers was pretty much what it was supposed to feel like a good series trying to pick up the same essence of the series before it and improve on what went wrong and enhance on what they did right. Then came the 25th anniversary special "Dimensions In Danger" while I'm never going to accept that there are different dimensions with Power Rangers in them I will accept the special as one of the better ones. What also is enjoyable about the review of it was the fact that I did something to two characters that are on par with Dax as to how disliked they in all of Power Rangers history. Vincent and Monty, I DESPISE THESE TWO WITH THE SAME DESPISE I HAVE FOR DAX FROM POWER RANGERS OPERATION OVERDRIVE! So for every single old school and new school Power Rangers fan I did them a favor by reviving Father Bulkmeier, Rabbi Skullovitch and Sister Kimberly to send the two straight to hell as they deserve to. Plus this review nearly went to hell as I almost made it a crossover with Linkara but then said that he was unable to take part of it because it would've interfered with his plans for "History Of Power Rangers" so I had to fly solo on this and I think if Linkara was there he would've interfered with the ending of sending Victor and Monty straight to hell. So maybe it worked out for the best.



(Fade to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)


James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number five



(Cut to clips from all of the "Live to Win-Ter" reviews as James does a voiceover.)

05) "Live To Win-Ter"


James Faraci (Voiceover):
Calling this one my most interesting Winter season review marathons was interesting. Originally, I had planned on everything in this leading up to my fifth year anniversary review but it would be too much on a limited Winter Budget that I put myself on. Then there was the obvious problem, Would Christy Romano after all the time I've had wishing I never knew of her after a lot of difficulties I had while working with her last time that I never talked about. Fortunately, we had a mediator in the form of Christy's husband Brendan and when I told him about the plan I had for him, while initially he was surprised, he got what it was about and took everything with a smile but kept everything in check. I wasn't to go near their kid and I sure as hell wasn't going to try anything. Now all I had to do was come up with the three Winter Olympics movies that I could use for a review. The first two were a snap, then I talked to Christy and Brendan again and asked if I could review "Cutting Edge: Going For The Gold" and they were surprisingly okay with it. Also I wanted Mike J from Shameless Sequels but he didn't have any opinions on it and I accidentally credited Mike for work he didn't do. Quickly correcting it, I had to take Mike J's name off and trust me it's the biggest mistakes that I made and if I were to do a list of screw ups I'd take up a year's worth of work. But over all I was able to make a rather enjoyable premiere for this season worthy of this list.



(Fade to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)



James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number four



(Cut to clips of "The Fall Of Channel Awesome #ChangeTheChannel" as James does a voiceover)

04) The Fall Of Channel Awesome #ChangeTheChannel


James Faraci (Voiceover):
This was something I needed to do while the iron was hot in this case. As opposed to how I handled the #WTFU hashtag when I figured I'd wait and see what would pan out. I chose to stand with those that were screwed from those who business practices were discovered to be horrifically abysmal. While I did admire the Walkers, after hearing how they and Mike Michaud were pretty much the scum of the universe. But fortunately I've become more friendly for the most part with those who used to be associated with them and all still harbor a professional distain towards Channel Awesome personally they try to let everyone know they hold no ill will towards Orlando, Walter, Aiyanna, Heather, Brad and Larry but those formerly employed by Channel Awesome hope Michaud and The Walkers lose their finances due to their financial incompetences. While I hope there will be legal compensation one day for their losses know I will never ever have any more association with Channel Awesome until such time they rectify their mistakes.



(Fade to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)



James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number three



(Cut to clips of  "Five years and Justice for very little" as James did a voiceover)

03) "Five Years and Justice for very little"


James Faraci (Voiceover):
This for me was something I needed to pull out all stops. I had to put a lot of effort because I had to start a summer storyline involving Steve Kidd, enhance the character I gave Julia Alexa Miller and after retiring my usual Shia LaBeouf review for an anniversary I knew I had to pull out a big gun! After watching the Justice League movie, I knew I had my fifth anniversary review. While I had suspicions that Studio interference and execs who preferred Test Audience results and execs who had enough memos that could've made several first draft scripts of better movies. The Kingsman Secret Service Church Brawl was the best moment for me because it was a cathartic release of all my anger towards said Studio interference and execs and the leader of them which I based on the character from "The Simpsons" Lindsay Nagel. But for my taste, the post review moments were my favorite. I've always believed in the power of magic and when I decided to imbue Julia Alexa Miller with the magic and power from Emmalina's letter I knew it was the right choice as was setting up a summer traveling storyline for Steve Kidd who meant well but never considered the consequences of doing something that would be interpreted as a mistake but for him it was a mission to help and is worth the number three spot on this list



(Cut to the moment James slams the phone down before slamming to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)



James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number two



(Cut to clips of  "Top 10 Life As A Mermaid Episodes/Which Way To WitchHaven" as James does a voiceover)

02) "The Top Ten Life As A Mermaid Episodes and Which Way To WitchHaven"


James Faraci (Voiceover):
To me as much as I want to tear into bad studio fare, I also want to highlight better fare done by smaller studios and Validus Productions gave me two good series to work with. "Life As A Mermaid" which I became a fan of the second I saw it and it's amazingly awesome director Julia Alexa Miller and a secondary series they made "WitchHaven" was equally as awesome. I got an awesome chance to do a top 10 on Life As A Mermaid with plenty of amazing moments like getting a chance to call The Character of "The Barnacle King" what I thought about him. That he was a smelthead and his plan involved a mass genocide and I got great help from everyone at Life As A Mermaid. As a matter of fact, I had an alternate version in which after hearing  The Barnacle Kings plans and the reasons behind them, Stanley played by Cambell Dodson whom I thank for being Deadpool in certain reviews told The Barnacle King to sit and tell Nat played by Maria Feist, Valerie played by Marcella DiPasqualle and Madison played by Taylor Huff the reaming out. Here now is the Alternate Version (Show clip of The Barnacle King telling Stanley his plan and his reasons why before the Record Scratches, Stanley takes off his disguise orders The Barnacle King to sit there and shut up, Tells James to sit and shut up and calls for Nat, Valerie and Madison tells The Barnacle King about his plan and the reasoning behind it before getting reamed out by the Three in the version that made it to the Top 10 with Nat and Madison sharing Will and Valerie's lines.) In fact the only other version is one where Stanley himself reams out The Barnacle King (Show clip of The Barnacle King telling Stanley his plan and his reasons why before the Record Scratches, Stanley takes off his disguise orders The Barnacle King to sit there and shut up, Tells James to sit and shut up and reams him out using the same lines as before) The reason I chose the clip of Will played by Nick Slimmer and Valerie because they were the best balance of that season to The Barnacle King in terms of the polarity with Madison during that season. But now onto "WitchHaven" I had to say by the mid point of the season was when I decided to say, Yes I wanted to do this for a review as a secondary review for my October/Halloween reviews and the best part was that the cast saw it and liked it and the people in charge of the series put my analysis of the first season at the end of their Blooper Reel video and here's the link to the video if you want to see it. :  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdF8rpaedlE (Cut to James physically)


James Faraci:
And personally this is my number one, but this time around, I'm going to give you those that you thought was...


(Fade to black before cutting to A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers Movie Power Rangers at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman  and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
THE number one best moment of The Last Of The Americans of 2018 is...

(Cut to clips of "To "Infinity War" & Beyond" as James does a voiceover)

01) "To "Infinity War" & Beyond"


James Faraci (Voiceover):
I went into this with very little knowledge about what would happen in the movie. I knew the MCU in universe had become so fractured that all it took was Thanos' snap to finish it off and I thought this movie would. But when I saw what would happen in the movie was death and heroes failing because I knew going into this from "Captain America: Civil War" that Thanos was going to succeed but I just didn't know how accurate I was. But since I was once again reviewing a movie that was in theaters at the time, I needed all hands on deck, I called in so many favors that my 2019 is gonna be so barebones that it wouldn't surprise me if I can get things together sans a Patreon account. But to me it was worth seeing Cambell Dodson as Deadpool and the rest of the cast as members of the Avengers and Steve Kidd as Gen. Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross and I said to Steve to play Gen. Ross as dumb as Ralph Wiggum so when my version of Thanos played by Eric Kurtzke snapped the guy's neck, Thanos did what everyone knew SHOULD'VE happened to Ross and be given a Darwin award for meddling in things he knew SQUAT about and in my version of things Thanos handed Ross the award amazingly. As for how I reacted to the ending, it might've come off a little harsh but after watching such harshness, I tried to be humorous though I do stand by my final analysis though if the next one is any indication. "Avengers: Endgame" will be my Number one review of 2019.


(Cut to the clip in "To "Infinity War" & Beyond as Peter Parker says "I don't want to go" before disintegrating and Tony shouting "NO!" as the camera zooms out to the universe as a wave wipes out half of all life before cutting to a screen with a star on a red and blue background before it flickers to a still with three stars on a red and blue background before the camera zooms back to see the words “To Be Continued” next to the stars before seeing the number 2019 under the words “To Be Continued” before cutting to James physically)

James Faraci:
 Now as for outside of "Avengers: Endgame" what does 2019 have in mind? Quite a bit actually but this time I am not going to say what's gonna happen except for one thing. (Cut to clips of John Cena as his theme song plays and James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Coming this January through March get ready to deal with the movies from the one and only John Cena. Three of his movies while dealing with some pretty interesting people letting me have it. Here's hoping I survive. (Cut to James physically)
James Faraci:
And after surviving this year I say to 2019... (James grabs his morpher and morphs back into being James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA:
BRING ON WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT FOR ME! I'M JAMES FARACI THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS AND THAT'S MY OPINION! (James slams the table before walking away)