(Scene begins with an
overhead shot of the Catskills and the “Xena” theme song plays in the
foreground before cutting to a clip of the n.W.o 2002 WWE run as an announcer
played by DukeCT says “In a time of returning ancient tribes.”, Brock Lesnar
brutalizing everyone as an announcer played by DukeCT says “Monsters” and
Triple H holding both the World Heavyweight and WWE Championship as an
announcer played by DukeCT says “And men who would be kings!” and the WWE brand
splitting for the first time as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A company
divided cries out for a hero” as more matches play scenes of two different men
getting prepared one with a pair of Jean Shorts the other a pair of contractor
jeans. The First man preparing a colored shirt, the other putting on an
American Flag shirt before cutting to the first man entering a ring who just so
happens to be John Cena before cutting to an image of John Cena as he holds a
championship and the words “Cena: Warrior Actor” an announcer played by DukeCT
says, “He was Cena!” before cutting to a clip of John Cena running at full
steam as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A mighty warrior forged in the
challenge of competition!” before seeing John hit an AA on Edge and The Big
Show before cutting to James Faraci as it cuts to James Faraci getting to his
seat as the credit reads “Starring James Faraci The Last Of The Americans”
before cutting to a clip of John Cena hits Edge with an AA at Unforgiven as an
announcer played by DukeCT says “The intensity” before cutting to an image of
Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun & Nick Yaun, John & Mike
Santos, Ed Champion & Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath and Renee
Miller as they see their names before cutting to James on the horseshoe couch
as he plays a movie before cutting to John Cena’s Acting Repertoire as an
announcer played by DukeCT says “The Actor” as more clips of John Cena’s Acting
Repertoire before cutting to John Cena as he takes a butt bong of beer before
cutting to James gets ready for another review as an announcer played by DukeCT
says “His Reviews will change the internet forever!” before cutting to a
blurred black and white image of John Cena holding the WWE Championship and the
words “The Last Of The Americans” shimmer in before fading to James and Renee
on the horseshoe couch)
TLOTA:
Okay Renee, whatever movie you want me to review that has Cena in it, I will do
my best. But you must let me be as funny and as honest in this as I was in my
last two Cena reviews.
Renee Miller:
Okay James and if I don’t like it, it’ll be your last review! (Renee pulls out
a copy of Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery and hands it to James.)
TLOTA:
Why did I agree to this again? (Cut to opening title card of “Scooby Doo WWE
Wrestlemania Mystery” before cutting to clips of the movie as James does a
voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
While this wasn’t the first time WWE had been involved with Animation, this is
the first time we’ve got a lot of the greats from this era which includes
Triple H, Sin Cara, Santino, The Miz and of course John Cena hanging out with
Scooby, Shaggy, Fred, Daphne & Velma! Will this be as good as the Iron Man
Match from Wrestlemania 12 or would it be as bad as the pacing of the last few
Wrestlemanias (Cut to James and The Wrestling Mark on the Horseshoe couch)
TLOTA:
Let’s not… (James looks over and sees The Wrestling Mark next to him.) What are
you doing?
The Wrestling Mark:
If you think you’re doing this one solo then you’ve got… (James gives The
Wrestling Mark the evil eye) it right on the mark! Gotta go! (The Wrestling
Mark runs off screen)
TLOTA:
This is “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” (Cut to the movie as James does a
voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie begins as The Miz goes out on hike while where he bumps into…Kylo Ren
with a shirt that shows how swole he is and a mask that doesn’t look as good as
the ones he’s been sporting? Actually, that is Kane and The Miz runs away like
there is no tomorrow. (The Miz runs off saying “Who’s Awesome? I’m Awesome!”
over and over again before cutting to James and DukeCT on the couch)
DukeCT:
Okay Miz we get it you’re awesome on the mic and in the ring, you’ve got a
lovely daughter and wife, you don’t have to hammer it in every second!
TLOTA:
DukeCT, I know you mean well but I want to fly as solo as I can. So, would you
please get out now!
DukeCT:
But… (James gives DukeCT a death stare before he runs off then cut to the movie
as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Miz continues his Jog is interrupted by… The Ghost Rider’s pet bear?! What?!
Anyhow The Miz holds him off for as long as he can and I think when he said
“Seriously?” he was ad-libbing because somewhere he knew he was getting the
short end of the stick in this movie before getting put into an intensive care
unit at WWE City! W...W...E…City. (Cut to
James physically)
TLOTA:
I can see the ads for this tourist trap town going something like this! (Cut to
James dressed as Vince McMahon in a business office.)
Vince McMahon:
This is… WWE… CITY! We have a lot of great places to see like The Undertaker’s
Mortuary Museum. (Cut to a haunted house full of WWE Superstars he’s beaten as
The Undertaker slams the coffins on all of them and says, “Rest In Peace!”
before returning to Vince McMahon) After that have a bite of Santino’s Homemade
Pizza. (Cut to John Santos dressed as Santino Marella trying to make a Pizza
with “The Cobra” as he puts a pie in the oven and a tossed crust lands on his
face before returning to Vince McMahon as he stands outside the WWE Logo) And
there’s plenty more here at WWE…CITY! (Cut to the movie as James does a
voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
We then get to our opening titles. Which has us introduced to the Scooby gang
and the WWE superstars which we’ll see in the movie including Triple H, Vince
McMahon, Kane, Sin Cara, Santino, AJ Lee, Santino, Michael Cole, The Miz and Brodus
Clay. (Cut to James physically and Jim Cornette sitting next to him)
Jim Cornette:
Now that is just a waste of talent Brodus Clay, isn’t he on that Faux News
Network as a contributor now a days, an even bigger waste of a news network?
TLOTA:
Cornette, unless you want your tennis racket surgically removed from your
throat, Now would be a good time for you to BEAT IT!
Jim Cornette:
Don’t have to threaten me twice! (Cornette runs off before cutting to the movie
as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
We’re soon introduced to the Scooby gang as Shaggy played by Matthew Lillard
and Scooby played by Frank Welker a WWE game which Scooby wins and enters in a
bonus round which Scooby wins and gets a free set of tickets for Wrestlemania
at WWE City. Scooby and Shaggy convince Fred also played by Frank Welker, Velma
played by Mindy Cohn and Daphne played by Grey DeLisle Griffin to come along
and on their way, they have a little car trouble when who else comes in but
Cena and Daphne quickly becomes a fan of his after seeing his physical
attributes amongst his other abilities. (Cut to James physically as he’s joined
by Brian Zane of “Wrestling With Wregret”)
Brian Zane:
Okay Daphne, are you that serious to be Cena’s rebound from Nikki Bella after
seeing Cena for just that short amount of time or just the sloppy seconds?
TLOTA:
Speaking of seconds that’s how long you have left before you wind up a human
pretzel! (Brian Zane runs away in fear before cutting to the movie as James
does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
We’re also introduced to Cookie played by Charles S. Dutton and his nephew
Ruben played by Bumper Robinson as well as Bayard who has it out for WWE City.
But to apologize for Bayard’s insanity Cena offers our gang VIP seats to their
wrestling event planned for that night. (Cut to the matches as Michael Cole loses a
desk after The Big Show lands on the Desk as Michael Cole says, “That was my favorite
table!” before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
Preaching to the choir Michael! Preaching to the Choir! (Cut to Michael Cole
who happens to be sitting next to James)
Michael Cole:
Oh really, you know what it’s like to have your desk demolished into oblivion
TLOTA:
As a matter of fact, YES! Come with me! (James grabs Michael Cole to James’
office before seeing the charred remains of James’ old desks then cutting back
to James and Michael Cole.)
Michael Cole:
Wow James, I underestimated, well judging by the time on my watch, I gotta go!
(James sighs before fading
to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final
season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see
James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The
Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from
the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the
camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the
words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to “Scooby Doo: WWE
Wrestlemania Mystery” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Mr. McMahon comes out and tells us that since a match between Kane and someone
else that happened off screen was ruled out. Apparently, the championship has
been Vacated and now a new champion must be crowned and Cookie invited the
Scooby gang to training camp in Sin Cara’s Car after getting settled in, Scooby
has a dream which gets interrupted by him meeting face to face with The Ghost
Bear and who else would get involved to help the Scooby gang but the WWE
Superstars which includes in their ranks Sgt. Slaughter! (Cut to James
physically.)
TLOTA:
And don’t underestimate the Sarge he’ll leave you in pain and an itty-bitty
ditty bag! (Cut to the clip of Sgt. Slaughter as he says, “Itty-bitty ditty
bag!” from the animated “G.I. Joe” Movie before returning to the movie as James
does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Cookie and Reuben have a disagreement on Reuben’s involvement in the
ring due to a career ending injury but I’m sure that amounts to nothing in the
long run. The next day WWE exec Ms. Richards played by Mary McCormack lets the
Scooby gang know that there have been bear attacks over the past few weeks and
after a brief historical exposition from Shaggy and Scooby on Vince’s past
incarnations, Mr. McMahon asks the gang to investigate. Meanwhile Cena
interprets what Sin Cara is saying about the legend of the Ghost Bear and how
Sin Cara’s great-great-great grandfather beat an actual wrestling bear named
Vicious. (Show clip of Sin Cara’s
movements being narrated by John Cena before cutting to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Ladies and Gentlemen, John Cena, interpretive dancing translator. (Cut to the
movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
The next morning after Scooby sees a series of lights, the WWE Championship has
been stolen and who took it? Scooby?! (Cut to James as he looks on in shock
with The Comic Strip Critic sitting next to him)
Comic Strip Critic:
HOW COULD SCOOBY DOO DO THAT?! The Damage to his… (James gets out of shock
before looking at The Comic Strip Critic with anger on his face) will be less
than the damage you’ll inflict on me if I don’t get out of here! (The Comic
Strip Critic speeds on out of there before cutting back to the movie as James
does a voiceover)
TLOTA:
Velma helps Scooby clear his name by showing the game footage of Sin Cara’s
character in the game’s code of the Dance party matches Scooby’s movements
verbatim. But there is a law in WWE land that allows Scooby and Shaggy to fight
for their innocence and it just so happens to be against… (Show Kane’s intro as
Kane comes into the arena before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
They’re gonna die! (Cut to DukeCT once again sitting next to James)
DukeCT:
Probably! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
After getting their backsides handed to them in training with AJ Lee the gang
go looking for evidence to clear Shaggy and Scooby with who else (Show clip of
John Cena joining the gang! Before returning to the movie as James does a
voiceover.) John and the Scooby gang find a cave that has evidence pointing to
Bayard AKA the Redneck claiming Eminent domain over the land WWE City was built
upon. But the Ghost Bear knocks out Cena, Fred tries to do a Missile trick onto
the Ghost Bear which only does the same thing that happened to Cyborg in the
Justice League movie as Fred floods the cave destroying the evidence. Fred,
Daphne and Velma escape using the table while Shaggy and Scooby use John Cena
in the most inappropriate way I can think of! (Show clip of Shaggy and Scooby
using John Cena as a raft before cutting to the rest of the movie as James does
a voiceover) After that bit of wrong, John wakes up and everyone finds the cave
leads to a storm drain to WWE City. Giving the information to Ms. Richards,
Cookie suggests cancelling Wrestlemania but everyone thinks it’d be a bad idea
even John Cena who again translates Sin Cara thinks it’d damage WWE
irreparably. (Cut to Jim Cornette sitting next to James physically)
Jim Cornette:
Cancelling Wrestlemania wouldn’t have damaged WWE. WWE has done a lot worse
with their image and reputation and somehow by the skin of Vince’s teeth got away
with it scot-free and lest we forget all the sideshow circus crap Vince has
done and buying out and burying the competition that hasn’t done any… (James
gives Cornette the death stare.) Okay! Okay! I’m going! I’m outta here! (Cornette
runs off before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Deciding to use Wrestlemania as a bear trap, everyone involved is ready to go
as Scooby and Shaggy must take on Kane! The match is on as Kane darkens their
singlets. While the match goes on Velma discovers where the EMP device is, ON a
replica WWE Championship belt (Show the match going down as Velma tells Ms.
Richards that the belt is the EMP device and Sin Cara comes with a magnet to
help and Velma asks Where Sin Cara got the magnet before cutting to James
physically)
TLOTA:
THE LESS YOU KNOW VELMA, THE BETTER OFF YOU’LL BE! (Cut to the movie as James
does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Kane continues to brutalize Shaggy and Scooby and Michael Cole loses another
desk, and again preaching to the choir, Velma proves herself right, Cena tries
to launch the device outside of harm’s way only for Scooby to mess it up giving
the Ghost Bear ample opportunity to attack. But the King Of Kings himself
Triple H comes in with Backup Generators to reboot the programs all while the
match continues. (Show match continues as it changes what it is every few seconds
before cutting to James physically.)
TLOTA:
WHO IN THE HELL BOOKED THIS MATCH THE WAY THEY DID?! (Cut to Vince Russo as he
sits next to James.)
Vince Russo:
The spirit of Herb Abrams from the UWF. (Cut to Jim Cornette as he sits next to
Vince Russo who is next to James.)
Jim Cornette:
How about I beat you until you are left as an unrecognizable corpse for such a
dumb-ass answer.
TLOTA:
ORAC! Delta Level Defense! (James pulls out his Sonic Screwdriver as Jim
Cornette gets out of the way as James uses it to fricassee Vince Russo before
cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
After a brutal beatdown the Ghost Bear is defeated! (Cut to James as he puts on
his betting hat)
TLOTA:
Okay everyone, place your bets, who’s the Ghost Bear! Place your bets. (Cut to
everyone screaming who they think the Ghost Bear is before cutting to James.)
Okay betting time is up let’s see who it is! (Cut to the moment when The Ghost
Bear is revealed and instead of it being who it is in the movie it’s a pasted-on
pic of Vince McMahon and he shouts, “IT’S ME!” with Jim Ross saying, “Son Of A
Bitch!” before cutting to everyone else)
Jim Cornette:
Wait a second, THAT is a mask, we’ll see that I’m right when I pull that off
(Jim Cornette’s Hand pulls off the pasted-on face of Vince McMahon as it reveals
Kayla from “Blockers” with her High Face as her mouth animatedly moves and the
audio of Judge Doom talking about how he killed Eddie Valliant’s Brother comes
out of her mouth before cutting to a group of very scared individuals running
for their lives as Jim Cornette trips Vince Russo and everyone else runs over
him and Cornette Riverdances on Russo killing him before running out himself
before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Actually, the man behind the Ghost Bear is… Cookie! (Show everyone in the movie’s
reaction before cutting to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Okay, I think I understand why. He wanted to protect his nephew, to help him
get into computers and out of the ring, to stop him from making the same
mistakes he did. (Cut to the very convoluted reasons of deductions made by The
Scooby Gang before cutting back to James) Or that, that works too. (The Door
slams open as James gets up and the camera zooms to Diamond Dallas Page!)
Diamond Dallas Page:
Cookie went into a negative state that destroyed him and that was the wrong way
to go. Had he come to me before he came up with his plan, not only would he
have gotten past the injuries that ended his career, he could’ve made a
comeback that few get a chance to do and by the way James, I’m glad you’re
staying positive and trying to help those around you be positive in your life
as well as their own. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Yep, and thanks to you and DDPYoga I’ve been able to do things I haven’t since
I was a teen! Thanks Dallas! (Cut to Diamond Dallas Page)
Diamond Dallas Page:
My pleasure, give yourself a self-high five because you own it! DDPY Warrior symbol
and hit it! (James and Diamond Dallas Page shout BANG!) Keep it going and keep
it positive. (DDP disappears back into the light he came from before returning
to the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
And as Cookie is dragged off by the Cops, Reuben joins the WWE and the movie
ends with Shaggy and Scooby are given the WWE Championship. Whatever floats
this movie’s boat. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” and it was pretty good. (Cut
to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
I’ll give the movie the following. The mystery never dragged, the animation was
relatively done well, the voice acting was awesome apart from a few, I mean
seriously Billy West was a better Shaggy than Lillard and Welker as much as you
want to Honor Messick’s Legacy let someone else voice Scooby. But other than
that, I really did like this movie and I truly hope this movie gets a great
following. Find it on Blu-Ray or DVD and hope you have a Slamming good time with
Scooby and the gang. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And now onto the rest of the year, if Renee can let me do the rest of the year.
(Renee sits next to James)
Renee Miller:
James, I am going to let you do the rest of the year problem free. Besides, I
only didn’t want you to review Cena's movies because I didn’t have any say on which
movies you should’ve reviewed because Cena and all wrestler
actors are awesome all around.
TLOTA:
Okay, how about this, if I ever do a wrestler turned actor again, you’ll be the
first one I go to for an idea.
Renee Miller:
Thanks James.
TLOTA:
No Problem, now look out 2019 here I come again! I’m James Faraci The Last Of
The Americans… (Jim Cornette thwacks James in the back of the head.)
Jim Cornette:
That’s for taking my lines from my editorials. I’m Jim Cornette and that’s my
opinion! Jackass!
