Monday, March 16, 2015

Five of Kevin Smith's Finest

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours. It goes without saying that I freaking adore the works of Kevin Smith. (Cut to clips of Kevin Smith while James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice over): And for good reason. He has made movies that are considered stories that are a great slice of life, as a matter of fact five of his movies are five of my all time favorite movies and I'm going to do five rapid fire reviews on them. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA: That's right this is not a countdown. This is me talking about one of my favorite directors and his works and before I begin I already talked about Mallrats in January if you want my thoughts on that look in the January of this year's review so let's start this with the first piece of work I saw of Kevin Smith which is probably one of his best movies ever "Dogma"! (Cut to Opening credit of Dogma then clips of the movie as the main theatrical score by Howard Shore from this movie plays while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): The premise of this movie is out there but in a good way. The Angel of Death named Loki played by Matt Damon having finished with the tenth plague of Egypt decided to go out for a drink with his friend a Grigori angel named Bartleby played by Ben Affleck and after being fifty sheets to the wind Bartleby convinces Loki to quit being The Angel of Death and he does so and flips God the bird. Pissed off by their arrogance the two were to be banished until the end of time to of all places Wisconsin. However an overzealous Catholic Cardinal played by the late great and immortal George Carlin decides bring Catholicism to the mainstream by rededicating a church in New Jersey and with Papal sanction gave said rededicated church Plenary Indulgence giving all those who pass through the archway of the church a morally clean slate. So it's up to an Abortion Clinical Worker who just so happens to be the Last Scion played by Linda Fiorentino, View Askew mainstays Jay & Silent Bob who in this movie happens to be the Prophets, The 13th Apostle played by Chris Rock & A muse with writer's block played by... by...by... ! (Show clip of Salma Hayek as The Muse while Bamboleo by The Gipsy Kings play before an audible slap is heard) Thanks I'm Back! Yep Salma Hayek plays the Muse. Where is God in all of this and how can our ragtag team of believers save the day, you may ask? Well you're going to have to watch the movie for yourself. Because if I give any more away it will spoil the movie. Let's just say that there is a reason I watch this movie every Good Friday. Because it is that good. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And what did Kevin Smith follow that epic masterpiece up with? Probably the biggest middle finger to Hollywood that I've ever seen "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" (Cut to opening credit of "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" with Jungle Love by Morris Day and The Time playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): So yeah kind of interesting thing originally this movie was meant to close out the View Askwewniverse which makes some sense. We start off with the two outside the Quick Stop and the RST Video Rental store next door like in "Clerks", They meet up with Brodie Bruce from "Mallrats" who now owns his own Comic Book Shop. Give a movie starring the only two characters that have been the only mainstays throughout the whole thing. Apparently Miramax purchased the rights to a comic in which the duo was based on which was mentioned in "Chasing Amy" and our heroes hit the road to get what's rightfully theirs, along the way they come upon a restaurant chain called "Mooby's", Mooby was introduced in "Dogma" and they meet some interesting characters such as a Federal Wildlife Marshall played by Will Ferrell, a hitchhiker played by the late great and immortal George Carlin, a nun played by Carrie Fisher, four very familiar people and their mangy dog, and a group of very, VERY gorgeous international jewel thieves, played by Elisa Dushku, Ali Larter, Shannon Elizabeth and Kevin Smith's wife herself Jennifer Schwalback Smith. I would say more but then I'd ruin every twist and joke in this thing so do yourself a favor and see this especially every April 20th. Because it is amazingly funny and a perfect middle finger Hollywood needed and still needs.(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: But believe it or not there is an even more bizarre movie made by Kevin Smith and is not a part of The View Askewniverse and the title itself is proof of how crazy it is. I am of course talking about "Zack and Miri make a Porno." (Cut to opening credit of "Zack and Miri make a Porno" with "Sex & Candy" by Marcy Playground playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): And believe it or not Seth Rogen who plays Zack was amazing and the chemistry he has with Miri played by Elizabeth Banks was just as great. I enjoyed the actual relationship growth the two develop because it was natural, it wasn't forced. The plot of this one is simple yet it leads to real complexity. Zack and Miri are roommates who find their financial situation in Dire Straits. The only thing left to do for the duo is to make adult movies and if I were to say anymore of the plot it would ruin everything about this movie. It has to be seen to be believed. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:  But I'm sure you're asking yourselves did Kevin actually do something simple? With the characters he's created. Well kind of especially with his first movie "Clerks" (Cut to opening credit of "Clerks" with "I can't even tell" by Soul Asylum playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): The plot while simplistic has layers of depth that people can relate to. A slacker who works at a convenience store named Dante Hicks played by Brian O'Halloran is forced to come in on his day off to man the Quick Stop and the misadventures he has with his "Friend" though trust me, If I had a friend like Randal Graves played by Jeff Anderson, I wouldn't need any more enemies. If I were to tell you anymore about the plot it would ruin the movie. All I can say is give this movie a watch. It's a classic that gloriously showed what it was like in the 1990's to be out of school and working for any sort of living.(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: But it wouldn't be the last we saw of Dante & Randal because outside of a cameo in "Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back" and an Animated series which my associate The Rowdy Reviewer should review, I think everyone knows the last movie I'm going to be talking about. (Cut to opening credit of "Clerks II" with "Nothing But Flowers" by Talking head playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): Taking place 12 years after the first and not taking any of the other movies out of cannon. Dante & Randal find themselves working at a fast food chain called "Mooby's" Interesting factoids about Mooby and the restaurant Dante & Randal work in "Mooby's" and as I said earlier The restaurant chain of "Mooby's"was first seen in "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" and the fictional character of Mooby was first mentioned in "Dogma" and the pose he makes is the same as "The Buddy Christ" which was seen in "Dogma" as well. But I digress, Dante has things starting to go his way. He has a smoking hot FiancĂ© played by Jennifer Schwalback Smith. He likes the person he works for played by Rosario Dawson. He's moving to Miami and getting a management job at a car wash and everything seems to be going his way that is until his last day at "Mooby's". What happens then? Well I know I sound like a broken record in this thing but trust me when I say, You have to watch the movie in order to understand it. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: I know I've been vague in these reviews but there's been a reason. (Cut to various clips from Kevin Smith's works with "I can't even tell" by Soul Asylum in the background while James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice over): It's because I've experienced them and I loved them. I'm hoping that you find something you love in them because what I love about all of them was the characters, the stories, the settings, heck even the crazy events that happened in the movies are something I love. Because they came from the mind of a guy who finds the humor in the mundane and ordinary and find the insane in it all. For you Kevin Smith, I say Snootchie Bootchies with reverence, honor and respect in your field of work. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion