James Faraci The Last Of The Americans: KiraKennedy

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Thursday, December 21, 2023

The Ten BEST The Last Of The Americans reviews by the fans(So Far)

(Scene begins as a finger as it taps an app on a smartwatch as it opens a portal and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand , and it cuts to different images of James as the characters he’s played until it cuts to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown as it then slides away to different images of John Ross and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Ed Champion as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion” is shown as it then slides away to different images of Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions. Edited by Eric Kurtzke and Paulo Fonseca. Written and Directed by James Faraci” as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an outlined image of James as he morphs into “The Last Of The Americans” and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left on a white background and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays. Cut to James sitting in his office)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and the views that I’m about to express are yours, this time. Believe it or not, I have been reviewing non-stop for the past ten years, only giving lip service to what you have been talking about. This time, I will not only have full testimonials from the people involved, but there will be behind-the-scenes moments, bloopers, and alternate takes that I had done, and all of these episodes I will be talking about have been chosen by all of you. From 2013 to 2023, these are the Ten best Reviews of The Last Of The Americans...(So Far) (Cut to every single intro of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans as they intercut to the right time and paced with the 1994 American Gladiators theme song as it goes to the logo and the words Ten best on top of the logo and at the bottom are the words So Far and then a card showing the number, then a title card of the movie.)

10) The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (Cut to James Faraci as he laughs)

James Faraci:
So, I just ended a storyline where James thought he was trying to get views by being in a relationship with a celebrity, and although she had name recognition, I felt I was not making a name for myself. So I decided to scrap it and try to have recognized names and names with Internet Success. (Cut to Traci Hines)

Traci Hines:
I remember James asking me, how would you like to work with Eliza Dushku and play an exciting part in starting a new storyline that will end with me working part-time on The Last of The Americans? I thought it would be fun, if not short because James didn't have long-term plans for me except for me and the rest of the team to be friends. (Cut to Eliza Dushku)

Eliza Dushku:
James told us what would happen in both September and October of 2015, and as I read it, I was in tears of laughter as he was doing the whole "Not The Requests" bit as he showed us what would happen, thanks Nicolas Cage with The Wicker Man "Not The Bees" meme and seeing James scream and act that way, I could barely keep it together. (Cut to Behind the Scenes as Paw takes a few practice swings, and James gives directions as it cuts to Paul "Paw" Schuler.)

Paul "Paw" Schuler:
I remember talking to James about the original musical version of "The Wicker Man," and James enjoyed it, and we watched the Nicholas Cage version to get the rhythm of legs being broken/ That Chicago asshole getting his balls; however, James did it better. I also loved how he would let me go hogwild when we were filming. I also enjoyed the ability to work before I decided to call it a career, save for a few assholes in this case. (Cut to behind-the-scenes of the final battle as James and everyone huddle around heaters.)

James Faraci:
See Doug, this is what it's like to have something to comfort people while in sub-freezing weather! (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
It was also around this time I discovered those pig shits from Chicago were less than willing to shill out enough to keep people and equipment from freezing because it was an inconvenience to them. I also had heard from others how having the one who was the face of the pig shits was so imbecilic that they were surprised that he was still breathing. (Cut to others as they complain about Him and his brother and that other asshole. Cut to James) Overall I loved the results even though, looking back I wish I could delete those assholes out of existence.

(Cut to every single intro of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans as they intercut to the right time and paced with the 1994 American Gladiators theme song as it goes to the logo and then a card showing the number, then a title card of the movie.)

9) Duckman (Cut to Paulo and Brenda Fonseca)

Paulo Fonseca:
I remember James from our days in the local church. We had met again about nine years ago, and he said, "How would you and your sister like to hang out with me? I'm working on this project on the Internet and was wondering if you would like to do it?" (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
I was intent on catching up with that Jackass from Chicago, and I had talked to Rebecca about getting a studio on a lease within Sullivan County, NY. (Cut to Rebecca Yaun)

Rebecca Yaun:
I remember James saying, "Okay, I got the rental studio. Now, I need to hire and pay for assistance in terms of hired and skilled thespians to help with sketches and basically play off of me and remind me what a schmuck I can be. (Cut to James, Rebecca, and Paulo in the early days as they record behind the scenes for that year's October and November Workload as Paulo, Rebecca, and James do voiceovers.)

Rebecca Yaun (Voiceover):
Paulo said, "I will sign on if Rebecca is on board." Of course, I love my brother, but not in that way, you sick bastards. I said, "I would be glad to join the fun."

Paulo Fonseca (Voiceover):
We shot two months of work in two weeks, and James did all the makeup and had the costumes and everything ready to rock. James told me to make Dr. Plotz German, and we watched Peter Sellers' performance as Dr. Strangelove to give Dr. Plotz the flavor it needed.

James Faraci (Voiceover):
We found our old friendship chemistry and have worked well for so long... (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
So, I must be a good guy and a great employer. (Cut to Paulo and Rebecca)

Paulo Fonseca:
It's the pay! (Paulo & Brenda laughs)

Paulo Fonseca:
We kid, We love you, James.

8) Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (Cut to Gus Webb)

Gus Webb:
That asshole came to me and said, "I just wanted to thank you for reigniting my love for MST3K, and I'm inviting you to join me and my associate Rowdy to review the MST3K movie." and I said, "I would be glad to join you guys" (Cut to Chris Lee Moore)

Chris Lee Moore:
When James handed me the plot and what we would be talking about, James told me we would be filming it the same way the team at Best Brains did for MST3K. (Cut to Behind the Scenes of the MST3K movie review as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Knowing it would be MST3K, I wanted to add as many references as possible. Between "Torgo" from "Manos: The Hands Of Fate," "Jack Perkins," "Pitch" from "Santa Claus," and of course "Mr. B. Natural," which thankfully Traci was able to do. (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
Around that time, we brought in Olivia to do the makeup and work on the costumes for the series, and we met on the CONtv live Facebook streams. (Cut to Olivia Horvath)

Oliva Horvath:
James had hired me to A) work on make-up and costumes with his series and B) work on the show as a character, and James is one of the best people to work with. (Cut to Gus Webb)

Gus Webb:
We needed "MADS," and thankfully, James had two in mind. (Cut to Behind the Scenes of the MST3K movie review as Gus Webb does a voiceover)

Gus Webb (Voiceover):
When I saw Rowdy and Paulo in their characters of Stupidiot and Dr. Plotz, my immediate reaction was which one was going to be the Dr. Forrester and which one was going to be the TV's Frank of the duo, and as we filmed that day, which was also when we filmed the Silhouette portion of the review I had to watch everyone get a chance to play these characters, and I got it! I got what James did right and what that pile of pig excrement from Chicago got wrong. (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
It was some of the most fun I've had in a review.

7) Reality Checkout: "The Real World" destruction of MTV (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
Reality Checkout came out of the review that the fans of TV Trash wanted to see the most. Which was, of course, Reality TV, but the moment I saw it and how it ended, I became so worried I messaged my friend to let him know that he mattered to me. (Cut to the ending of "The Real Reality TV" episode of TV Trash as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
He is my friend and compatriot, and I also think of him as a brother in blood, sweat, tears, and arms. So, to take any further weight off Rowdy working on Reality TV, I told him I would go over this crap so he would never have to talk about it. (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
And early in 2022, I got the surprising news that someone in my family was expecting a baby. My shock and surprise kicked in, and I initially devised a Reality Checkout on "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" condemning both series. I showed it to my mom, and she flipped out on me. Screaming, "This is the most disgusting thing you've ever done! How dare you say this and that!" The usual thing I get when people hear what I say about certain subjects, and as I was trying to salvage it, I remember thinking, "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" were symptomatic of the situation. Thankfully, I watched "VICE" as they did a "Dark Side Of The '90s," and it was about "The Real World," and it was then I saw the cause of the problem of the MTV network. I quickly salvaged the message and subtly got it out. (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
As for the additions to my family, I love them and would do anything for them and protect them with my heart and soul.

6) The Different Cuts of "Superman" (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
"The Different Cuts" actually started off by accident. I had planned to discuss the 2003 Daredevil movie and its director's cut simultaneously. When I saw it was feasible to discuss both before a certain Chicago Chuckleheaded pile of pig excrement talked about "Daredevil." I focused on four different criteria. The Plot is the most important part because it depends on the movie or movies. Then, of course, the most critical point of contention is editing. Since I am taking a course on editing and production of videos. The next point is how the cast portrays the characters and how they are used in the movie. "The Re-Watch Factor" comes from the fact that people eventually forget they saw the movie until they decide to find it again in some form and think, "It's been a while since I saw this movie. Was it as good as I remember it?" then come to the realization that "Hey! I love this movie; it was amazing!" (Cut to James Daniel Walsh)

James Daniel Walsh:
James and I found an equal love of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies, and he asked if I would be interested in working on an episode of "The Different Cuts on the Christopher Reeve Superman Movie." I was intrigued by the format. (Cut to behind-the-scenes of "The Different Cuts Of Superman: The Movie" as James Daniel Walsh and James Faraci do voiceovers.)

James Daniel Walsh (Voiceover):
Coming in, I knew what James had in mind and saw these white shirts with black ties and the letters "RTC." I asked James about it, and James replied, "Oh, it's based on the "Right To Censor" groups. You know, those uppity a-holes that think they know what goes into making movies that are as bland and entertaining as watching cheese age. I'm still working on who should be in the shirts." I responded, "Why don't we play the network standards and practices guys that you say basically take the jokes and humor and all of those guys, and we play them as they edit out jokes that would be offensive today."

James Faraci (Voiceover):
James Daniel Walsh had us dressed in Superman costumes, and I admit I was so excited because once I heard about how many people were considered by The Salkinds to play Superman and how many wanted to play Superman. One of them was Sylvester Stallone, and since he had that distinct voice, I told The Boss I could do Sylvester Stallone's voice. The first time he heard my Stallone, he went into a fifteen-minute laughing fit that could qualify as a Mental breakdown. This is the best description because I remember sitting in that costume for fifteen minutes as he got all the laughs out of him. Once he was done, we filmed the bit, and it was, for all purposes, the smoothest shoot of a review I've done post-pandemic. (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
And ninety-nine percent of the credit and success belongs to James Daniel Walsh! (Cut to James Daniel Walsh)

James Daniel Walsh:
Happy Decade of Reviewing, James!

5) In Defense of... Capt. Katherine Janeway and "Star Trek: Voyager" (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
"In defense of..." came from hearing fans continually complaining that this piece of fandom sucks and this minutia was horrible and ruined the entire franchise. The usual fandom BS, and after so many years of things being ridiculed, I decided to take a Fresh take on it. I looked at things from a different point of view to see what was really going on. (Cut to clips of "In Defense of... Capt. Katherine Janeway and "Star Trek: Voyager" as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci:
Looking at how Linkara, SFDebris, and others seem to have this hard-on for treating Captain Katherine Janeway and Star Trek: Voyager, and after watching their continuous saying it was the worst series in Sci-Fi and in the entire Star Trek Franchise and all the usual spiel about it, and I got tired of it. And I watched the entire show to look at it and saw it in a different light. Katherine Janeway was stressed out and had to deal with those her employers called "their enemies." She was in deep, uncharted territory in the Delta Quadrant, so I do not envy her headache. Then she had to deal with "Q" and "The Borg." That drink she enjoyed probably had a little 200-proof rum mixed in it. (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
So I decided that she was worthy of defense from idiots and the constant harassment, and it worked in my favor as one of the best.

4) Supergirl The Movie Crossover with KiraKennedy (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
I found, on a Facebook group page about internet reviewers like myself and others in my profession, a video from someone called KiraKennedy about the first season of Mako Mermaids, and it was about the time I was working on a Summer Spectacular about "H2O: Just Add Water" and "Mako Mermaids." He and I became friends, and I wanted to work with him on a future review. (Cut to "KiraKennedy" on his game streaming set up)

KiraKennedy:
I got a comment from James about how much he HATED the final season of "Mako Mermaids." We became friends for a while when he said to me, I have to say mid-2019, James said, "I'm working on a review for September for a movie called "Supergirl: The Movie," and he had sent me a link to purchase it so I could add some bits and pieces but when we got together and I got a message and tickets to Sullivan County New York and when we met, the way he greeted me it was like we'd missed out of fifteen years and we were just reconnecting. The truth was we had just met face to face. (Cut to Behind The Scenes of the "Supergirl" review as James and KiraKennedy as they do voiceovers)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
I gave him a couple of days to get acclimated to being in Sullivan County, and by the third day there, he was ready to work on the review in earnest, starting with the sketches. He met Cambell Dodson as he was suiting up as Deadpool, and I was getting his Argo City citizen Clothing ready to rock and roll.

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
He told me that we were going to be performing as citizens of Argo City and were slowly going to de-evolve into crazed cannibalistic madmen. I asked why this was happening, and James responded that he and I talked about how slowly Kara would find the Omegahedron, and James consistently thought, "How much longer until Argo City is dead?" James had taken half a day to film the entire series of sketches in which it took for Argo City to go to dark, and then somehow quickly they go to them needing fuel for fires using whatever resources they had on hand and then them needing food and water how far it would go. (Cut to KiraKennedy physically)

KiraKennedy:
The rest of the shoot was Fun! The second half of the day had me looking barbequed, and yeah, James had yet to learn what I had planned until we did the practice take. (Show Practice Take as James sees KiraKennedy, and he shows James what happened to him after Alex and James laugh. Cut to James Faraci.)

James Faraci:
It was one of the last few times I would have fun working on a review.

(Cut to every single intro of James Faraci The Last of The Americans as they intercut to the right time and paced with the 1994 American Gladiators theme song as it goes to the logo and then a card showing the number, then a title card of the movie.)

3) The Disaster Artist (Cut to Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero)

Greg Sestero:
We were contacted by James just as the mass of the pandemic was starting to slow down, and people were slowly getting back to work. He said, "Hi Greg, My name is James, I'm an internet reviewer..." and I knew Tommy was not that far out of earshot (Tommy laughs). "...And I was wondering if you would be willing to be a part of a review." My response was, "If it involves "The Room," then no!" James said, "It's about a book that you wrote that became a movie about "The Room," I'm doing a review on it, and I was hoping that you AND Tommy would be willing to be a part of it. When I heard that it was my book and the movie it was based on, I was immediately on board, and James convinced Tommy to be a part of it. (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
Pre-pandemic, I Scheduled three days of filming. One day will be used to shoot the sketches, one day will be used to film the review itself, and the third day will be used for reshoots and pick-ups if necessary. Now, it had to stretch out to twice as long. The ONLY day I never work on is a Sunday because, in one way or another, it's that day for our creator. The Disaster Artist review was three weeks longer than I wanted. (Cut to Tommy Wiseau)

Tommy Wiseau:
James had a unique style of filming. (Cut to behind the scenes of "The Disaster Artist" Review as Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero do voiceovers)

Greg Sestero (Voiceover):
He had told Tommy the schedule about what would happen and how it would happen, and basically, James went through EVERYTHING slowly for Tommy; James went through the lines and the scenes and how he wanted to have the scenes go with Tommy ten times.

Tommy Wiseau (Voiceover):
I had a copy of the script, and James wanted me to say the "We will tear him apart, the bastard!" line similar to the "You are tearing me apart, Lisa!" moment in "The Room" and how I had to defend my choices in how I made "The Room." He had to tell me about the Monty Python. I didn't understand it; I still don't. But the end results speak for itself. (Cut to Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero)

Tommy Wiseau:
It was the best work me and Greg have done together since "The Room" and "Best F(R)iends" (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
Word of advice: if you think Tommy Wiseau will make your project easier, you need psychological assistance!

2) Sleeping Beauty (Cut to Chris Lee Moore)

Chris Lee Moore:
I would like to know how it got this high on the list. James did it with some Absolute Loudmouth Jackass from Texas whose name escapes me. (Chris laughs. Cuts to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
I was just a couple of months into the job after leaving MySpace, and I had to rebuild from scratch again. I got rebuilt here, and I admit the review style was raw then. (Cut to Chris Lee Moore)

Chris Lee Moore:
James allowed me to vent on the movie, including all the plot holes and how the movie just survived on Nostalgia, and I was grateful he was open to the idea! (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
But thankfully, Chris was able to start smoothing out the rough spots with me. Like I said earlier, He is one of the best reviewers I've called a friend and compatriot. We were there when we needed each other personally; he is a great person to work with professionally. (Cut to Chris Lee Moore)

Chris Lee Moore:
I am just grateful to be acknowledged by someone who deserves the best, and James knows who is the best. Happy Ten years, James.

Connect The Plots: MCU+NETFLIX Marvel Series+ Disney Plus MCU Series=The Snap, Law & Order SVU double feature, Penn & Teller Get Killed, Back To School, Life As A Mermaid, CENA: Warrior Actor, Cool Like Keanu, "S Club 7" The Hard Way, Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure (The Summer Spectacular for 2017), In Defense Of: THE MAN SHOW, Atop The Fourth Wall: The Movie, The Three Stooges, Reality Checkout: Are cooking shows Reality TV?, Aquamarine, The Rocketeer with DukeCT, Willow, The Green Hornet,

(Scene begins as a finger as it taps an app on a smartwatch as it opens a portal and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand , and it cuts to different images of James as the characters he’s played until it cuts to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown as it then slides away to different images of John Ross and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Ed Champion as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion” is shown as it then slides away to different images of Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions. Edited by Eric Kurtzke and Paulo Fonseca. Written and Directed by James Faraci” as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an outlined image of James as he morphs into “The Last Of The Americans” and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left on a white background, and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays as it goes to the logo, and then a card showing the number, then a title card of the movie.)

1) Power Rangers (2017), Wonder Woman, The Rocky Horror Picture Show & Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
There was a four-way tie. Are you serious? (James laughs in disbelief, then sighs) Where to start? I think I'll start with "Superman IV." (Cut to Lewis "Linkara" Lovhaug.)

Linkara:
James contacted me and said, "I'm reviewing "Superman IV: The Quest For Peace"..." Before I even let him finish his sentence, my immediate reaction was, "I do not want to do it as a crossover!" and James said, "I know, I want a cameo from you, I'm bringing in Jon Cryer to work off of" (Cut to Jon Cryer)

Jon Cryer:
I was at a convention for "Supergirl," and James was there; he said, "I know you must get tired of this, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind talking about a movie you did back in the 1980s," and I immediately think "Pretty In Pink" and the role of Duckie! And James said, "I'm reviewing Superman IV: The Quest For Peace! Before you get angry at me, I want you to check out my review script." It shows me getting angry that Internet reviewers like him ALWAYS mention this movie and my performance as Lenny, and now I get to make him pay for everyone else's constant harassment. (Cut to an outtake of James opening the door as Jon Cryer comes in and falls on his face, and everyone laughs, including Jon Cryer. Cut to behind-the-scenes footage of The Last Of The Americans "Superman IV" review as Jon Cryer does a voiceover)

Jon Cryer (Voiceover):
What surprised me about James' production is that even though it's shoestring tight, it makes everything work, and usually, he's the last one to leave and the first one there, a real professional in a sense. I also remember him showing me how my reaction would be once James said the movie's title, and in the first take, I was SO powerful in showing my anger that James had to literally go over to the camera and cut the recording. James' niece was also there, and James did everything to keep her happy and see what her Uncle Jimmy's life was like. I also saw she had her older sister's Supergirl shirt, and I told her that I was Lex Luthor on the show. I had to show her the clips of me being the bad guy. (Cut to Jon Cryer)

Jon Cryer:
The next thing I knew, I saw James' Niece with a whiffle ball bat trying to knock me on the head. (Cut to an outtake in which Vivian tries to go after Jon Cryer, and James tells Vivian that what they were doing was acting. Cut to James)

James Faraci:
After that, thankfully, Jon saw what we were doing and how we weren't hating on him as a person but rather a hiccup in his career. I am just thankful that we were able to get it done, especially like the other three that are on this list. Speaking of, the best one to continue with is the 2017 Power Rangers movie, and YES, I was inspired mainly by a pile of pig excrement from Chicago's review of a 2016 palate cleanser movie that I liked. (Cut to Gus Webb)

Gus Webb:
James had asked me to sign on to a movie about a franchise I knew and still know Jack Shit about, and this would be the last time I compliment this Jack Ass because James basically held my hand and took me through the Power Rangers because I know jack and shit about Power Rangers and Jack left a long time ago. (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
I purchased homemade helmets that looked like the classic ranger helmets, and I then re-painted "Iron Man" suits to look somewhat like the suits in the movie, which wasn't that hard, and I decided to bring in some of my old friends to help with playing the Power Rangers when I saw the cast. Antoni Matteo Garcia is among the best people I've met in this business. He helped me with the music for one of the other projects that is also number one on the list. (Cut to Antoni Matteo Garcia)

Antoni Matteo Garcia:
It was so great to work with James because I found he has a well-written style and how he works with other reviewers. He asked me to play Zack, and I jumped on board without question. (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
We had lost Eliza and Traci, and thankfully, Brenda, Paulo's wife, was willing to join us. I had just reconnected with Andrew Beach and Ed Champion. The more I remember working with them, the better. Because we had the chemistry and we worked off each other very well. (Cut to Ed Champion)

Ed Champion:
The first thing James had us do was perform as "Social Justice Champions" that just said that if you thought you had rights, you were wrong, and we would be the ones to keep reminding you that everything you do is wrong. (Cut to behind the scenes of "Power Rangers (2017)" review as James does a voiceover.)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
So many of us were available simultaneously, but we filmed an alternate ending before certain people were open, and I had filmed and done the effects for that first. (Cut to the Alternate Ending of "Power Rangers 2017" as James does a voiceover.) However, I had just finished as Amy Jo Johnson, Jason David Frank, and Linkara were coming over. I showed them the ending, and they were not happy with it. Linkara was the most vocal about how I was wrong in how we ended the review.(Cut to Lewis "Linkara" Lovhaug.)

Linkara:
I said, "Let me grab my Green Ranger suit; we'll film a better ending, and maybe we can come up with something better." (Cut to Amy Jo Johnson)

Amy Jo Johnson:
Jason Frank, may he rest in peace. He discovered what James was doing and said, "Let's try and rework the ending." (Cut to Linkara)

Linkara:
James said, "Linkara, I want you to go full throttle on your Power Rangers and Comic Book rantings." I responded, "Are you sure? Because once I get started, it will end badly." James was willing to let me go for it. (Cut to behind-the-scenes footage as Linkara sips liquid and prepares to rant. Then, we go to the original take of Linkara going full bore on his rants. Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
I remember cutting the camera myself because so many people were in shock. I could equate it to when I had to quote verbatim my friend Rowdy's facts about the death of "JFK" that Oliver Stone ignored in his "film" about what happened in Dallas in November 1963 about Lee Harvey Oswald in a Speech Class I was taking for College. What happened in that class was, after I had said that, two minutes of uninterrupted silence. The Professor broke it by saying, "Okay, who wants to work with James on this?" the student beside me raised her hand and said, "I'm not working with him!" (James laughs) I came on a little too strong. It was also around that time that Lewis was working with E-Rod, The Blockbuster Buster, on a future project, and I was preparing to make a big change when Rowdy said he wanted to focus his site on his projects. We were okay with that and the opportunity to join Manic-Expression.com; I thought it would work better, and I felt I needed to fire another salvo against that pile of pig shit. (Cut to Eric "E-Rod The Blockbuster Buster" Rodriguez)

Eric "E-Rod The Blockbuster Buster" Rodriguez:
James knew my wife before she passed away, and he asked if we could chat about something, even though I was a part of "That Site" at the time. James told me his plan for the Wonder Woman movie that was coming out that year, and James said, "I know you've pretty much thrown in the towel with the current DC Big-Screen Movies. I also want to review it before he does. Would you mind playing yourself? If you find yourself in the movie?" And it was about that time that I was busting the bad film from within the movie thing, and I thought it would work with James' ideas. But what sold me on being in the review was that I didn't have to watch the movie. All I have is to read the script and perform. (Cut to behind-the-scenes of the Wonder Woman review as Eric "E-Rod The Blockbuster Buster" Rodriguez does a voiceover)

Eric "E-Rod The Blockbuster Buster" Rodriguez (Voiceover):
When I saw Rebecca as the Gal Gadot Diana, AKA Wonder Woman, I was surprised at how she looked. Marsha gave me "The Look," and James constantly reminded me that her husband was not that far away, but WOW, Rebecca is as good-looking as any woman I met. (Cut to Rebecca Yaun)

Rebecca Yaun:
James had me set to play Wonder Woman since he first saw the "Batman V Superman supermegahypertitle" movie, and when James saw the Wonder Woman movie, we were just about to join Manic-Expression.com. It was just perfectly written and acted by everyone. (Cut to Eric "E-Rod The Blockbuster Buster" Rodriguez)

Eric "E-Rod The Blockbuster Buster" Rodriguez:
James as a writer and director, is awesome, but when it comes to being on screen, Holy Fuck Balls, he can act! (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
Working with others was great, especially when I could do less Behind The Scenes work, like with the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" review. I was working a little too much, and I had been on good terms with the people in front of and behind the scenes of "Life As A Mermaid," I said, "I need help for my review of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," and I was wondering if you would be willing to help me do this review." (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
James listens easily to directions and can stay on script, and there is a secret about this review. James and I directed it together, but James gave me full credit. (Cut to behind-the-scenes of the review as Julia Alexa Miller does a voiceover.)

Julia Alexa Miller (Voiceover):
James had originally had more than just Taylor, Marcella, and Maria on the review. However, real-life tragedies and other events forced James to recast with his people and others from the now-defunct Validus Productions to help work behind the scenes. James helped with the framing and the story. He had help from Steve Kidd and Antoni Matteo Garcia with the music, which was so well crafted. (Cut to Antoni Matteo Garcia.)

Antoni Matteo Garcia:
James had asked me to help craft the lyrics as much as he did. The music was well-timed, but the lyrics James had originally done needed to be up to his standards. And he asked me to smooth the rough edges of the songs, and it was rather easy. (Cut to Behind The Scenes of the review as Antoni Matteo Garcia does a voiceover)

Antoni Matteo Garcia (Voiceover):
Seeing how James, even though he wasn't directing and had a stranglehold on the production, was overseeing a lot, James did a great job of helping where he could behind the scenes. James actually had to rework the ending on the fly, and he did a great job coming up with solutions. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
James is a great person; a bit annoying, but still a great person. (Cut to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
It has been a fun ride so far, and I plan to do more and continue to improve in my profession. (Cut to James as The Last Of The Americans back in his office.)

TLOTA:
Thanks for checking out the ten best The Last Of The Americans as chosen by you, the fans. I hope you saw and learned more about me and the reviews. So what's in store for 2024? Outside of my eleventh anniversary? (Static cuts to Kevin Smith as he looks at James.)

Kevin Smith:
Is that crazy strong and uber-powerful crazy woman nearby? (Cut to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA:
No, Why Kevin Smith? (Cut to Kevin Smith)

Kevin Smith:
Well, I first wanted to say Happy Ten Years to you, James! Second, I'm coming up on the thirtieth anniversary of Clerks. So I was thinking... (Cut to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA:
Say no more; I was going to premiere next year with a three-month Kevin Smith movie masterpiece marathon! (Cut to Kevin Smith)

Kevin Smith:
As Jay says best, "Snoogans!" (Cut to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA:
Right, so Kevin Smith Movies are starting this January through March. Until then, I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and I will see everyone in 2024.

Saturday, September 21, 2019

A Not so strong "Supergirl" co-written by "KiraKennedy"

(Scene begins with James when he was younger and as he gets to the age he is now while James as an adult and does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
My name is James Faraci and I am an Internet Reviewer. I had been on course to be someone when fate, heartbreak and the stupidity of humanity changed me and in 2008 and 2009 when I thought I couldn’t hit any lower, My country became infected with a permanent case of Idiocy that no amount of Liquid I.Q. could cure. And then came the moment when someone who is now disgraced trying to step into territory that he believed he belonged in and I knocked him back down to size! Now I fight those who believe in the stupidity, the sheer belief of 2+2=IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN and I take on the things that give them that belief with my friends and the family that cares enough to help me! So, I will continue to fight even when those who wish to smile our enemies come and wipe us out, I’ll knock them down on their asses wrapped in my flag’s colors! I AM THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS (Cut to the end of the “Connect the Plots: Gotham & Birds Of Prey” episode as James goes over his yearly requisitions as James says “Previously on “The Last Of The Americans” Cut to KiraKennedy in his apartment.)

KiraKennedy:
Hey James! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Hey KiraKennedy, thanks again for helping with my brother's family's GoFundMe. Link Here:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/s3pbfh-rob039s-recovery?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet

What's up Hombre? (Cut to KiraKennedy)

KiraKennedy:
I have this movie, I've been wanting to review and well... (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well What? (Cut to KiraKennedy)

KiraKennedy:
It's a bad one! A Real bad one! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
I've dealt with "Spice World" The movie, the Woody Woodpecker Live Action Movie, The 2017 DC Movie "Justice League", "Fishtales", the failed live action "Clerks" pilot, BOTH versions of "Halloween 6", "The 3 Tails: A Mermaid Adventure", "GIGLI", "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2", Pauly Shore's Cinematic Anal Opus "Son-In-Law", most of Shia LaBeouf's movies, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Valentine's Day, The Dark Knight Rises, Josie & The Pussycats, Jem & The Holograms, Son Of The Mask, The Interview and Seth Rogen's Green Hornet Movie. Whatever you throw my way cannot POSSIBLY be as bad as they were. (Cut to KiraKennedy)

KiraKennedy:
It's a bad one, the one most Comic Book movie fans, most DC Fans believe to be a myth. So, tell me James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, can your heart stand the shocking facts of "Supergirl: The Movie"! (Cut to James as he decks himself out "Hot Fuzz" style)

TLOTA:
BRING IT ON!

(Cut to A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers, 2016 Ghostbusters and warriors of Wakonda from “Avengers: Infinity War” at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from “The Last Of The Americans” reviews moments of 2018 as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with KiraKennedy, Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James and KiraKennedy on the Horseshoe Couch)

TLOTA:
Okay KiraKennedy, Why this one? Is it to stop me from reviewing the Kim Possible DCOM, thus breaking my truce with Christy Romano?

KiraKennedy:
... That was a thing?

TLOTA:
Is it to show how far the character has come from just being a second banana to the man of steel, even getting her own show as it reaches the 100^th episode with Melissa Benoist making Supergirl into an Icon who can toe the line with the big boys?

KiraKennedy:
No

TLOTA:
Is it because you have a shrine to Helen Slater right next to your shrine of Evie from “Mako Mermaids”?

KiraKennedy (Annoyed):
It's like one picture each, dude... hardly enough to call them shri- (raises hands to calm himself down) I wanted to check out a superhero movie very few people have looked at.

TLOTA:
Maybe that’s a reason why. (Cut to Title card of “Supergirl” The Movie then to clips of the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Born from one of the abandoned plot ideas from “Superman III”, Directed by the man that brought us “Jaws 2” and starring actors and actresses who are WAY better than this, “Supergirl” is a cheese filled…

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
Wait a second… (Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically)

KiraKennedy:
This movie started out as an abandoned plot of “Superman III”? The one that had Richard Pryor in his comedic worst?

TLOTA:

Yeah, let’s just go through this. 1978, “Superman: The Movie” was released and began a renaissance in Superman after fifteen years of being a punchline or at best dumping grounds for Fire Island/ San Francisco Jokes on “Superfriends” were it not for network sensors. “Superman II” was re-filmed because Richard Donner got the boot and “Superman III” had about at least fifty ideas that Warner Brothers rejected and one of them was that Supergirl was to be introduced as was Brainiac and there was going to be a love triangle between them.

KiraKennedy:
Uh who was the guy who came up with that idea?

TLOTA:
Don’t know but the point is The Salkinds, the people who were producing the movie decided to use “Supergirl” to revive interest in their “Superman” Movies. Did it work? Let’s find out, this is “Supergirl: The Movie! (Cut to opening credits as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
The movie opens with what can be described only as a musical assault on the ears and credits that are either too shiny, they go too fast to see who’s in the movie or they’re so covered in fog you can’t see the names anyway!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Though to be honest, do you want your name on a turkey like this? (Cut to James and KiraKennedy Physically)

KiraKennedy:
Touche! (Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We’re soon introduced to…a partly melted candle covered in thick spiderwebs with light panels for photography? The Hell? Actually, this is Argo City trapped in a pocket dimension powered by something called the Omegahedron! We’re soon introduced to Kara Zor-El played by Helen Slater as she bumps into Zaltar played by Peter O’Toole who has a really funky looking Sonic Screwdriver.

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
Zaltar dreams of taking himself to Earth where Superman is through what is known as the Binary Chute. But the point is moot as, after messing around with THE TOOL THAT PROVIDES LIFE TO THE CITY, Kara accidentally launches The Omegahedron into the depths of wherever the hell Argo City is. (Show clip of Kara going into the transport into the Binary Chute and going through “Inner Space” as it cuts to KiraKennedy and James physically)

KiraKennedy:
Okay, if she winds up in “V’ger” from “Star Trek: The Motion Picture, inside Martin Short or sees “Spaceball 1” going to plaid or the TARDIS, I’m outta here! (Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
We soon find ourselves on Earth as we’re introduced to Selena played by Faye Dunaway as she tries to come up with ideas to… That’s right Take over the world! (Show clip of “Mind Of Mencia” as Punji says “Oh, Of Course!” before cutting back to the movie as Selena and her associate talk about taking over the world by becoming invisible through beans being shoved in orifices on the head of a dead man before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
There’s no way in hell that’d work unless… (James turns around to see no one there) Dude, where’d you go? Where did this can of beans come from? (James tosses the can and quick pop cuts to KiraKennedy reappearing) How did you do that?

KiraKennedy (With the straightest face possible):
I'm Batman!

TLOTA (Confused):
I... I don't think that's how it-

KiraKennedy:
I! AM! BATMAN!

TLOTA:
... Ooooookay, you're Batman.

KiraKennedy:
Damn Right!

(Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Well their discussion doesn’t last long as guess what pops into our plain of existence! (Show Omegahedron as it flies through the sky. Cut to James and KiraKennedy as it bounces off both of them and the Omegahedron zooms through the Studio as it tries to knock out a few members of Team TLOTA making its way to Julia Alexa Miller’s office as she uses the force to throw it back into the movie)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
Actually, the Omegahedron lands right in the hands of Selena and her associate Nigel played by Peter Cook. Meanwhile we discover Superman is on a Peace seeking mission throughout the Galaxy which translates to me at least that Christopher Reeve saw this script and said, “Screw this, I’m working on The Bostonians!” Still it must be better than Superman 4, though.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Soon thereafter Kara arrives on Earth in her Supergirl costume with no explanation whatsoever and quickly adapts to her new powers and strengths and WOW, For those who hated the flying effects in “Superman IV: The Quest For Peace” this movie says “Hold our Kryptonite Crystals” because WOW movie… Just… Just WOW. How much longer before Argo City is dead? (Show green screen of “Argo City” and its inhabitants played by KiraKennedy and Team TLOTA clinging together as they slowly see the lights dim and “Argo City” getting colder before cutting back to the movie as KiraKennedy and James continue their voiceovers.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Selena returns to her abandoned amusement park where the female equivalent of Otis known as Bianca played by Brenda Vaccaro complains about how certain things have not been done and shows the Omegahedron and says “She found the pearl and the world is now their oyster. Just as Kara comes upon two truckers one of them being Matt Frewer who want to get into Supergirl’s Skirt, but she quickly deals with them. (Show Supergirl taking the two Truck drivers and whooping their asses. Cut back to the movie as James and KiraKennedy continue their voiceovers)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
The next day Kara who through some incredible unknown ability disguises herself as a private school student where she adopts the identity of “Linda Lee” and somehow knows that Kal-El is Clark Kent and fakes an entry to the school. Now, I know what you may be asking. (Mocking moron voice): But how could she possibly know that? (Cut to the clip of Gosei as he says, “There's a simple explanation for that” in “Power Rangers: Super Megaforce”. Cut back to the movie as KiraKennedy and James continuing their voiceover) There she’s roomed with Lucy Lane played by Maureen Teefy and if we weren’t being hammered that yes, this is in the same universe as the rest of the Superman movies we get a poster of Christopher Reeve’s Superman and Kara finding Superman interesting. (Show Superman logo as it bangs on the footage after every time he stops talking) Because! They're Really! Trying! To Be Subtle! About! The fact! That this! is in! The same! Universe! (The Superman Logo shatters the film as Deadpool pops up from out of nowhere to survey the damage)

Deadpool:
Yeah, not even I could break the fourth wall this heavily! (Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically)

KiraKennedy:
DUDE! DEADPOOL?! HOW?

TLOTA:
He’s been been on the payroll for a while. His usual fee plus all the chimichangas he can eat! (Cut to Deadpool fixing the footage)

Deadpool:
Give me two seconds and everything will be as good as it can be, I mean it’s Supergirl the movie. But for now a-the, a-the, a-the, A That’s all Folks! (The Looney Tunes theme song plays as the Looney Tunes circular logo covers the footage and the words “That’s All of Us Folks!”. Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically)

KiraKennedy:
I have no idea what’s going on!

TLOTA:
Get used to it. (Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Well we have someone else for the girls to Fawn over Ethan The Gardener played by Hart Bochner AKA Harry Ellis from the First “Die Hard” and the voice of Arthur Reeves the DA who wants Batman incarcerated in “Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm”. Selena seems to be smitten with Ethan and hits him with a love spell in his beer and Ethan heavily intoxicated gets out. (Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically)

KiraKennedy:
Had she waited a few years then she could’ve slipped some into his Coke! (Show clip of Ellis from “Die Hard” snorting Cocaine and looking at a Pic of Selena in Supergirl and reacting accordingly. Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
After dealing with some private school mean girls, Kara shows off how intelligent she is to- Sweet Hockey Night In Canada! Nigel is there as a teacher? Isn’t there someone who does background research so that way they weed out the weirdos and keep the ones who are I dare say Normal?

TLOTA (Voiceover)
The more we complain about the Private educational system, the longer the movie goes on.

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
Point made. As Supergirl continues her slow as hell search for the power source of her city which is slowly dying by going with Lucy to meet Jimmy Olsen played by Marc McClure because again The Salkinds decided to take the Cody Rhodes approach to subtlety! (Cut to the clip of Cody Rhodes smashing a throne with HHH's logo on it with a sledgehammer from AEW Double Or Nothing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jyky3V7pxyM ) Oh, and guess what, it’s at a Popeye’s Chicken. Hey, Adam Sandler called... he says to tone back the Blatant Product placement. Anyway, Selena decides to use some heavy-duty Stephen King level of insanity by possessing a bulldozer to grab him causing more damage than anything Superman could do in the DCEU! (Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically as KiraKennedy is punched in the face)

TLOTA:
NO DCEU REFERENCES UNLESS IT’S TO DEGRADE THEM! (Sighs) Sorry about that, how about we take a break.

KiraKennedy:
Okay, I could go for a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich!

(James says as he walks away “No Popeyes here, but we have a KFC!” KiraKennedy walks out getting ready to take James out then fading to black then fade into the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro as it cuts to James in his living room)

James Faraci:
Hey everyone, again coming up with an update on the GoFundMe and my brother. He’s improving but slowly and the family still needs the money and with the kids back at school now every cent from the GoFundMe will go to help with the day to day living expenditures and it is not getting easier or better. When there is a charity event, I will talk about it, but for now the GoFundMe is the only support to the family that can help ease things. Click on the link below and do what you know what you must do and thanks once again.

https://www.gofundme.com/s3pbfh-rob039s-recovery?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=fb_dn_cpgnsharemore_r&fbclid=IwAR3bJnEB5p_se2LUG_0gvjfoE7nSQwyBsSmerkU5o6afQX0cl49znnL7zk0

(James fades to black before fading to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it. Fade cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After the worst change effect Supergirl takes care of business stopping the fires and stopping the bulldozer and saving Ethan. However, Ethan sees Kara as Linda and before you can say statutory rape, Ethan falls for Linda and if you’re as creeped out as we are then congrats, You’re not alone! Selena summons something to put Linda into a grave and it’s invisible because the effects crew couldn’t come up with a simple design for a creature which could take on Supergirl, I mean hell give me a couple hundred dollars and I could’ve made an effect to make a monster it would probably not look as good as the Spider Creature from Stephen King’s “IT” but at least it’d be something.

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
After making goo goo kissy faces in a Mirror our invisible demon comes and yeah, this moment happens (Show moment of Kara Transforming through “The Magic Window” and facing off with the demon before cutting to James and KiraKennedy physically)

TLOTA:
I hate to ask this again but, how much longer before Argo City is dead? (Show green screen of “Argo City” and its inhabitants played by KiraKennedy and Team TLOTA clinging together as they slowly see the lights dim and “Argo City” getting colder as one of the citizens consider Cannibalism to keep themselves alive a little longer before cutting back to the movie as KiraKennedy and James continue their voiceovers.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
At least after that embarrassment we get the only intentionally humorous scene. (Show Mrs. Murray drunk as she scolds Supergirl. Cut back to the movie as James and KiraKennedy continue their voiceovers)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
As The Omegahedron makes itself once again known to Kara, she makes it to Selena’s place where just by coincidence Ethan is there and he is really looking to out creep Christian Gray! But we thankfully have no time for that as Selena starts chaos and Kara becomes Supergirl again to face off with Selena. (Show clip of Selena as she introduces herself to Supergirl. Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically)

TLOTA:
Okay if she’s a Siren of Endor then she must’ve done something really wrong with the Ewoks and I am now having images of Selena hurting them. I’m scared dude!

KiraKennedy:
So am I James, so am I! (Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
Supergirl demands the Omegahedron from Selena but then she’s all “No Dice” and puts Ethan in harm’s way and then she multiplies herself to become a barrier to stop Supergirl? The Hell? Thankfully she grabs Ethan and gets the hell out of there... (Show clip of Ethan being lifted out of the park and being hit in the head while escaping) giving him a nasty concussion in the process I assume. The Next morning, Ethan and Supergirl talk when (Show clip of coconut from out of nowhere and clocking Ethan on the head. Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically)

KiraKennedy:
WHAT?!

TLOTA:
COCONUT?! WHAT?!

KiraKennedy:
WAIT WHAT?! COCONUT?! COCONUT?!

TLOTA:
WHAT?!? COCONUT?!? WAIT! COCONUT?!

TLOTA & KiraKennedy (In Unison):
WAIT! COCONUT?! WHAT?! (Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
You know what NO! Not even the whole “It’s Magic, There’s No need for explanation” crap doesn’t cut it! Forget the fact that the Coconut should have KILLED him, on top of the head trauma he ALREADY had from crashed through a roof, HOW DO YOU MAKE A COCONUT APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE?! IT MAKES NO SENSE! EVEN ETHAN DOESN’T BUY THE WHOLE HIT ON THE HEAD COCONUT BUSINESS! IT MAKES ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE AS SOMEHOW SELENA THROUGH THE POWER OF MAGIC MAKING ETHAN COME TO HIM THROUGH THE SAME TYPE OF JUMP CUT EFFECTS THAT WERE IN “BEWITCHED”, “I DREAM OF JEANIE” AND “SABRINA: THE TEENAGE WITCH” (Show clip of Ethan pop cutting to be in Selena’s place. Cut to James and KiraKennedy as they say in slow motion “WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!”. Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy continue doing voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
HOW DO YOU MAKE THAT HAPPEN?! WHY IS ETHAN IN CHAINS ON SELENA’S BED? WHAT IS GOING ON? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! WHY DID IT TAKE BLACK CANARY SIX MONTHS TO REACH GOTHAM IF SHE WAS INSTANTLY INSPIRED BY BATMAN’S ANTICS IN GOTHAM CITY IN “ALL-STAR BATMAN & ROBIN”?! ARGH! At any rate Supergirl makes it back to…WHAT IN THE HELL?! HOW?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! HOW DID A MOUNTAIN WITH A MANSION ON IT APPEAR IN THE HEART OF THE CITY?! (Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically)

TLOTA:
I AM SO LOST RIGHT NOW! (Julia Alexa Miller walks in behind the two of them)

Julia Alexa Miller:
What’s going on?

KiraKennedy:
We’re watching “Supergirl The Movie” and James is about to snap like a Twix bar.

Julia Alexa Miller:
Well, he better not or else!

KiraKennedy:
Or else what?

TLOTA:
Dude, don’t tempt her, you’ll be sorry.

KiraKennedy:
Oh yeah, what are you gonna do little girl? (Cut to the outside of Julia Alexa Miller’s door as multiple electric zaps are heard as are screams of pain and anguish before a sonic scream shakes the footage all the while James stands outside of the office in dull bemusement. After the footage stops shaking KiraKennedy steps out of Julia Alexa Miller’s Office looking destroyed)

KiraKennedy (High pitched):
Point made! (Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Supergirl makes it to the top of the mountain and into the mansion to see Ethan now deeply entranced and forced to love Selena. But that’s not even the worst of it, Selena somehow through no explanation is able to send Supergirl to the Phantom Zone!

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
So it’s in THIS movie that we’re first given a look into The Phantom Zone?! It’s here we’re shown where Zod, Ursa and Non were supposed to land?! IT’S IN THIS MOVIE WE’RE SHOWN WHERE THE WORST OF THE WORST IN KRYPTONIAN LORE IS KEPT FOR ALL ETERNITY?! I…I… I NEED A DRINK!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But at least she’s not alone because after sitting out most of the movie Zaltar returns being there for so long he’s pretty much given up trying to find the way out. However, Kara somehow gives Zaltar the desire to escape and the two make their way to the only escape route out of the Phantom Zone. Meanwhile Selena claims the city as her own and enforces Martial Law arresting Jimmy Olsen and Lucy Lane. Again, I ask, how much longer before Argo City is dead? (Show green screen of “Argo City” and its inhabitants played by KiraKennedy and Team TLOTA clinging together as they slowly see the lights dim and “Argo City” getting colder as some of the citizens have become cannibals and small fires are made from the bones of the dead to keep themselves alive a little longer before cutting back to the movie as KiraKennedy and James continue their voiceovers.)

KiraKennedy:
Better question: How long has Kara been gone? Because even with MAGIC, there's still no way people would be made aware enough of an evil witch taking over a city to protest the martial law they've imposed. Anyone... anyone... Bueller? (Cut to the clip of Gosei as he says “There's a simple-“ as KiraKennedy and James interrupts Gosei by saying in synch “SHUT UP YOU BARELY SENTIENT TIKI HEAD!”. Cut to the movie as KiraKennedy and James do voiceovers)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
During their trek, they make it to the Quantum Vortex which leads to their escape. Selena not happy about this sends a Demon Storm leading to Zaltar sacrificing himself so Supergirl can save the day! And trust me, getting a super powered female pissed off is not a good idea!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And we speak from experience. Anyway, Supergirl confronts Selena as she rescues Jimmy, Lucy, Nigel and Ethan. However, Selena has had enough and summons… (James and KiraKennedy start to laugh as they see the Power Of Shadow Demon before cutting to James and KiraKennedy laughing with absurdity)

KiraKennedy (Talking through his laughter):
That is not scary! Not even remotely! The f*cking Licker from Resident Evil was scarier than that.

TLOTA:
Hey you want something scary to put on it well then allow me (Show face of the demon as it has the face of Kayla from “Blockers” as it was when she was High as a kite and James demonically doing the “Remember Me, Eddie?” bit from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”. Cut to James as he sits there and KiraKennedy looking over the couch in fear and a sound of horror in his voice)

KiraKennedy:
You got issues, dude!

TLOTA:
You’re making it sound as if I didn’t know that. (Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):
After being poorly stretched by bad special effects, Supergirl, with some encouragement from Zaltar, finds the strength to escape the Shadow Demon and sends it, Selena and Bianca into the depths of a hell dimension to which they are never escaping from! (Show clip of Supergirl saying Goodbye and Jimmy Olsen and Lucy Lane saying that they won’t tell anyone. Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically)

TLOTA:
Do you even have the strength to ask? No? Me neither. (Cut to the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
With that bit of confusion, Lucy kisses Jimmy, Ethan says “It’s all good” to Supergirl, the city is restored, and the movie ends with Supergirl returning home with The Omegahedron to restore Argo City! (Show scene of Argo City’s power being restored)

Supergirl (Audio only by Olivia Horvath):
OH MY RAO! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?! THERE’S BONES AND BLOOD AND FIRE AND MOTHER! WHY ARE YOU EATING FATHER’S REMAINS? HOW LONG WAS I GONE?! (Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically)

TLOTA:
So yeah, that was “Supergirl: The Movie” and Hoo boy, after seeing this I thank my lucky stars for Melissa Benoist! (Cut to clips of the movie as James and KiraKennedy do voiceovers)

KiraKennedy (Voiceover):

I know I brought this to James claiming it's bad... but looking at this again, the worst thing I can really say about this movie is that it's boring. Helen Slater does a pretty decent job in portraying a sense of doe-eyed wonder in Kara during the initial scenes, but it feels like she wasn't allowed to really stretch her legs with the role until the final act. And speaking of the final act... despite the sheer lack of tension this movie had throughout, the whole "Send ‘em to the phantom zone" twist that kicked off the third act somehow felt tacked on as a way to stretch the movie out to two hours.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Well KiraKennedy you do make a few good points especially about Helen Slater, the lack of tension and all that but this is one time that I’ve got to put the filmmaker’s feet to the fire. This movie was a chore to sit through the first time, the fifth time, the 100^th time, the 428,000^th time, the millionth time, the fifty billionth time, the one thousand, nine hundred and eighty second deca-quadrillionth time it never changes how painful you feel from the loss of time and existence from sitting through what we just saw. This movie is JUNK! First Class JUNK! I completely side with those who wish this movie never got made. And if you’re in the camp of those who enjoy the cult classic status of this movie, all hope and positive power to you but me personally, I’d rather send this movie to the Phantom Zone than sit through it again!(Cut to James and KiraKennedy physically)

TLOTA:
Well, thanks for sitting with me and seeing this movie with me and I hope the rest of the year is as good for you as it has been for me. See you in December for the Christmas/End of the year shindig

KiraKennedy:
Yeah, by the way what do you have planned next?

TLOTA:
A Mini-Editorial/Review on Law & Order SVU and come this October… (James taps on his tablet), Okay, a top 13 on the series “Charmed” and a Scooby Doo Animated movie. November I’ve got Clerks II and a Top ten MST3K Turkey Day moments Marathon. December, A Christmas movie Review and End of the Year top 10 list. And before I forget, you have a review to do after doing this crossover.

KiraKennedy:
What is it?

TLOTA:
You’ll find it in your apartment.

KiraKennedy:
Hope it’s a good one.

TLOTA:
See ya later dude! I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans

KiraKennedy:
And I’m KiraKennedy

TLOTA & KiraKennedy (In Unison):
And that’s our review! (KiraKennedy walks out of the door. Cut to KiraKennedy as he finds James’ movie selection)

KiraKennedy:
Sweet!

(KiraKennedy puts the disk in his PS3. Cut to black and the text “One Viewing Later”. Cut to A Skeleton with his jaw gaped open!)