Showing posts with label Aquamarine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aquamarine. Show all posts

Monday, December 21, 2020

Top 10 The Last Of The Americans moments in 2020

    (0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to James in his room at his house)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans 2020, how do I despise thee, LET ME COUNT EVERY SINGLE WAY! (Cut to clips of everything that happened in 2020 as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Between Manic Expression being forced to close down though it was temporary, My father passing away when I posted my "Different Cuts Of Peter Jackson's Lord Of The Rings Trilogy" and that was on the same fricking day, Me losing the woman I love and forcing my friends to return home, shutting down my studio, having to go bare-bones with my reviews and Oh, before I forget a project I had planned for this year, I may get done next year but that's gonna happen because things WILL work out for me next year one way or another, even if I make more enemies than friends and speaking of enemies, I haven't forgotten the vitriolic disdain you hit me with, now it will be used to fuel me towards success in the next year which I will get to later on. But for now, let's send this year off with the Molotov Cocktail we need to burn it to cinders, piss and crap on it after it has burned to said cinders! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So much so, that I figured this would be how we should all end this year! (Cut to the clip of Al Bundy laughing as he jumps out of a plane. Cut to James physically.) However by the grace of God we survived and with five moments that you liked and five I liked... (James pulls out his RoboKnight Morpher and De-Morphs)

James Faraci:
Let's countdown the Top 10 moments of The Last Of The Americans in 2020! 

(Scene begins with a laser hitting a slab of Titanium as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three-run out of frame moving forward, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left and Olivia Horvath appear in the center as their names appears above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appears. At the 0:32-0:36 mark the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down and  James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number 10

(Cut to clips from "A Zombie Halloween Jubilee" as James does a voiceover)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
I made many a promise to my oldest brother Rob before he passed away last year. Some more personal than others. One being later on this list and of course, doing a review of the Rob Zombie duology of his attempt to breathe new life into the "Halloween" series and I hope that I did well by my late older brother Rob. But for me, the best part was being able to physically work off someone else was fun! Especially since I used it for a catharsis for all the pain I felt after most of this year being a complete Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spin Doctors of a Shitstorm of a year. Especially since the person who played Michael Myers and the truck that I helped us to beat the hell out of him was gone and for the record, the man in the suit of "The Shape" was played by a mutual friend who is not a member of Team TLOTA. However, the original idea was to have it be a date gone wrong between myself and Alex because of a Kayfabe promises to my deceased Oldest Brother to watch the non-existent Rob Zombie remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and me dealing with a sociopathic Rob Zombie Fan who feels it best to drive me nuts while I dealt with Rob Zombie's Halloween Duology. But this may be one of those Thanking My Lucky Stars that this actually was better than I thought it would've been. (Fade to black)

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number nine

(Cut to clips of "Quarantined With the "Aquamarine" Blues"


James Faraci (Voiceover):
This is where everything started to go downhill for "The Last Of The Americans". Originally, I had planned for Arielle Kebbel to be in the review at the studio, but thankfully Arielle was more than willing to do a video cameo for the review and I let her know about certain things, like comparing Cecilia to Lisa from "The Room" and of course this little bit. (Show the old footage of James and James reacting differently than a Fegulah Meshuginah Schmuck from Chicago and Arielle getting more and more upset that she's not getting the reaction that she wanted, James fighting back and revealing the High face of Kayla doing the "Remember Me, Eddie" Judge Doom moment from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" and Arielle screaming in fear and the ending of the review. Cut back to clips of the review as James continues his voiceover) That's right, I took something a certain Fegulah Meshuginah Schmuck and inverted it to make Hollywood know that We're not scared to fight back if you attack us. But the fact I had to go to my last options as to how I wanted to get it done makes me feel sad that this wasn't one of my better ones overall but it was one of the better ones I did this year! (Cut to the ending as Arielle screams in fear and it cuts to the blood-soaked message which is a moot point at this point)

(Cut to 0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number Eight

(Cut to clips of "A "Possible" Crossover Co-Written by Charles "DukeCT" Thomas" as James does a voiceover)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
I wanted to do a review of the 2019 DCOM "Kim Possible", However, I had to deal with the pesky truce that I had set up to keep me directly out of the line of fire. Thankfully Charles "DukeCT" Thomas was willing to put up with my ideas and as some of the last of the stragglers before I everything down due to the COVID-19 Pandemic. Thankfully Christy and Brendan were real good sports and were willing to be a part of this before the forced shutdown and liked the idea. The moment I loved was when I had Alex fight off Shego, The first idea I had which I didn't tell anyone about was to have Alex drag me and DukeCT out by our petards and it would end with Alex finishing them off in the usual way. However, after some second thoughts, I wanted in on the action. So after some discussions, we went through a lot to get to where the review you got!

(Jump cut to 0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number Seven


7) "Superman & The Seven "Returns", "Connect The Plots: How DC had a shared universe and didn't capitalize on it" and "Birds" attacking me! "Prey" for me!

James Faraci (Voiceover):
These three tied because they showed How Warner Brothers misusing their DC Properties isn't a new thing. Whether it was back when they thought Christopher Nolan doing Batman's Properties was something to Piggyback the next Superman project, whether it was how they had the start of something good and how they decided not to capitalize on the popularity they had with the DC Properties or how after trying so hard and STILL failing with their newer ones even after Marvel had pretty much killed any hope for a cinematic comeback. Plus, it got some things I needed to talk about, like the twist with Jason from "Superman Returns", how painful watching a newer DC Cinematic Property is, and the damage it could cause. It made me feel like Joel and The Bots just by the end of "Castle Of Fu Manchu" and how much agony it caused me. And one last note doesn't expect more from the current DC Movies from me, I need to give myself a break and hope to god DC Movies get better.

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number Six

(Cut to clips of "Reality Checkout: Are Cooking Shows Reality TV?")


James Faraci (Voiceover):
This was one I had been mulling around in my head for a while and requests from e-mails of people saying "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" or "Man Vs Food" needed to be taken down a peg or how much they hate the original "Iron Chef Japan" or it's short-lived revival a few years back. This was one time I had to help disseminate what was Reality TV and Cooking Shows. I actually love shows that help me better my culinary skills and tastes. It also had to show that I was not immune to what was happening as a forced shutdown of the studio had to happen and that 2020 would hurt James in more ways than one! As I had to not only shut down the studio and everything that I wanted to do, including the movie I had planned for this year and as to whether or not that will happen next year, that's now up in the air as well So yeah, while dealing with Reality TV forcing me to deal with the effects of The real world! The Paradox is mind-boggling!

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
(Cut to clips of "The Top Ten Dumbest moments in the JAWS Movies" as James does a voiceover.)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
This one forced me to deal with some more of my pain and not because of the horrendousness of the "JAWS" sequels. Because "JAWS" was one of my brother's favorite movie franchises, bad moments and all! So sitting down, having to watch all those movies brought back memories of me, my oldest brother, and my father and all the fishing trips we used to have. While a lot of the moments were expected, one moment I missed out of while stupid I thought was too stupid to be on the list Ellen's Psychic connection to the shark and the flashbacks to moments she was only told about or not even a part of in any way shape or form, like the ending of the Original "JAWS" ending. Thank you Steve Kidd for a reminder as to why "JAWS The Revenge" is STILL a dumpster fire! But not as much as this year has been!

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number Four

(Cut to clips of "The Different Cuts: Peter Jackson's Lord Of The Rings Trilogy" as James does a voiceover)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
Yep, this one was more a fan favorite than anything I cared for. I loved both editions of Peter Jackson's "The Lord Of The Rings" Trilogies. I loved all the time and effort Peter Jackson put into both versions that choosing one better than the other was an impossible task. So I just decided to say which ones were better and why both were worthy of the wonky point values I gave them. However the day I posted this one, turned into my worst day personally and professionally as I was happy to get my review link on the site Manic Expression.com and figured it would be a post of the week candidate. However hours later, the site was shut down for undisclosed reasons and while that was happening, I suffered the most painful loss in my personal life. On August 17, 2020, my beloved father passed away in my living room, he had been a touchstone in my life. He was an avid outdoorsman, a loving husband, uncle, father, and grandfather. Leaving behind his wife of forty-five years (My mom), three surviving children (Of which I am one of them, obviously), three Granddaughters, and nearly an infinite amount of memories for me and my family. And along with that every review I have done and any future review/project I will ever do I dedicate to him and my brother, his namesake Rob. So, how the fact that I had to endure the worst professional and personal loss I'd ever face on the same day I posted one of the best episodes clash with one another? Simply put, if I ever have a day like I did in August, well Check out the No. 3 spot.

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number Three

(Cut to clips of "Survival Of The Shootist" as James does a voiceover)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
As I mentioned already on this list, On the same day I posted my "Different Cuts Of Peter Jackson's "The Lord Of The Rings" trilogy was also the day the original version of Manic Expression was shut down and the day my father had passed away. After finishing it and the "In Defense of... Baywatch", I shut myself away and decided to mourn my father's passing for a month! In that time I decided to wonder whether or not I should've called it a career as "The Last Of The Americans", canceled my movie project, and gotten into something else like working a job in some sort of job that I could learn to make sure I would hate myself for giving up on something I wanted to do with my life, do that until I dropped dead and wound up a corpse. However, my family, friends, fans, and colleagues in the reviewing community felt it would be a waste of what I've done and loved for the past seven years if I just stopped The Last Of The Americans dead and had no plans to end him properly. So I looked at a John Wayne movie and wondered what he would do when a tragedy. It was after watching it, I felt my dad's spirit come and comfort me and say "Keep on doing what you're doing. I loved you helping me out but seeing you do this makes me happy knowing I will be with you in spirit and you will be a success Bubba-Booey! I love you now as you move forward." That led me to believe that I could move on and I decided to review "The Shootist" as a tribute to my father and to my love of John Wayne. It was something that led me to believe that I could move forward with what I wanted to do to let me move forward. No matter what happens from that moment forward I was going to be happy and I would be doing what I want. Thank you, Dad, I love you and I will never forget all the good we had.

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number two
(Cut to clips of "American Pie Bakery" as James does a voiceover.)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
Having to go through eight movies in three months was maddening, I had to sit through so much gross-out humor that knowing that there had a plot, character development and so many great moments inside what could've been mindless drivel, I mean, I DID get a sense of some disturbing moments that would shock normal people and for those who were wondering, I used the Unrated versions of the movies which put a lot more gross-out moments and moments of what Awkward Ashleigh would say "Titties". So that added a secondary source of turbulence. Because watching those movies was a litmus test I wouldn't wish on that certain Meshuggina Fegulah Schmuck from Chicago. However I do feel a sense of achievement that I survived all eight movies and got through them in a three month span. And apparently everyone loved how much filth and jokes about bodily functions/fluids, I could cram into the three months. Also how much Sean William Scott's Stiffler made me glad as to how far I've come. A lot of pie, made me glad about how far I've grown since the days of Wine and of course "The Pie"

(Scene begins with a laser hitting a slab of Titanium as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three-run out of frame moving forward, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down, and  James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
And The Number One Best moment of 2020 which by and large is a miracle 
(Cut to clips of "Living With The "Life As A Mermaid"" review as James does a voiceover)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
This started out as a request for the final season of that series by someone who wanted to like the series and it bloomed from there. I realized if I were to just talk about the season itself it would just be one chapter instead of the whole story. So I had decided to re-watch every little bit of minutia involved with the series and it reminded me why I loved the series. Plus, it gave me a chance to see the progression of where it began and where I can now say that "Life As A Mermaid" is over and done. I had tried to split the fan of the series I was and I still am to this day and the Reviewer that I am. I tried to be objective in the review but I had to ask intelligent questions about things that I had. Also for the record as I watched the last two seasons in their original run those questions were coming to me then. I asked them in my review of this series because if I didn't, it would haunt me. Also, I have to mention an update in the Amazon Prime uploads, except the first season which was the shorts and the fun little minisodes in-between seasons, everything else in the main series has been uploaded in its correct order, so that's positive. The negative seems to be that there has been a bit of a falling out between myself and certain people involved in the series. Maybe it's because I didn't get permission to review it from the people who produced it, maybe it was something I said or did in said review. Whatever I did I am using this moment to apologize for whatever I said or did in this review. I hope that in the new year we can somehow rebuild our relationships, professional and/or personal, and move forward on what we can do together! But even if there has been a negative, I'm hoping we can correct it and turn it into a positive or something we can joke about in the future. (Cut to James physically)

James Faraci:
Speaking of the future, what will 2021 bring about? Hopefully, my movie even if I have to make several adjustments to what I need and who I put in it. Also at the time of this post, I am once again re-posting ALL of my Backlog again on Manic-Expression.com, then you may have noticed big gaps which I will fill in with my "Summer Of Summer Spectaculars", which will be all of the summer specials I did over the past few years and I will be re-posting them on the site, I'll have my usual workload but I will have a few surprises up my sleeve and starting 2021 well (James pulls out his Morpher and the tone of the Morpher sounds like "Moves Like Jagger" as James morphs back into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.)

TLOTA:
Well judging by the sounds you're hearing, I'm going to be well not as negative in 2021. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and guess what... (Cut to a green-screened image of the Galaxy where it looks like James is rippling through the cosmos)

TLOTA (Singing):
It goes a little something like this, watch him and he'll show ya! Look at him take control because he's Cool like Keanu, Yeah, Yeah, he's cool like Keanu, You know he coo-ooo-ool like Keanu! Watching him take control yeah, watch him and he'll show you how to be Cool Like Keanu, You gonna be cool like Keanu. You gonna be Coo-ooo-ool like Keanu! ("Moves like Jagger" sound-alike ends as it cuts to black)

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Quarantined with the "Aquamarine" Blues

(Scene begins with a laser hitting a slab of Titanium as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three run out of frame moving forward, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left and Olivia Horvath appear in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down and  James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to James in his room at his house)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and Yeah, it’s truth telling time. Everything from The Kim Possible crossover and Reality Checkout backtracking to the American Pie movie franchise reviews were done just before this current crisis that has ALL of us quarantined which means my plans for this year including this… (James pulls out the “To Be Continued in…. “The Last Of The Americans: The Movie” coming in 2020” Card then James saying “Is now more likely this!” as James’ right hand takes the last zero out and replaces it with a one making the year 2021! James shoves it out of frame.) And for that I am sorry! But any way the quarantine has me back home with certain people. However I am still committed to my duties and responsibilities to manic-expression.com and that includes talking about a great character actress by the name of Arielle Kebbel! (Cut to stills of Arielle Kebbel and her career so far as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And for a 35-year-young person, she has had quite a career. Starting as a contestant in the 2002 Miss Florida Teen USA beauty pageant eventually transitioning to a career in acting in TV Shows like “Gilmore Girls”, “Law and Order: SVU” & “The Vampire Diaries” and currently starring on “ Lincoln Rhyme: The Hunt For The Bone Collector”  and movies like “Soul Plane”, “John Tucker Must Die” and… (Show Poster of “Fifty Shades Freed” as James says “Oh god no!” cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But still she has had a great career and Arielle still has a future that might get her critical acclaim and earn her awards. Just as long as people forgive her for her appearance in this movie.  (Cut to trailer credit of “Aquamarine” then clips of the movie as the song “Connected” by Sara Paxton plays and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yeah, the movie of 2006 that sank like the Titanic yet somehow made a tiny bit of profit at the box office. How did that happen? Was it because of the acting, the writing, the directing? Well with the critical thrashing it got I can tell you this movie did not get it because the critical reception So, let us see how this one has gone on to become a cult classic and a favorite to many. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any time! Because I know I have none, this is “Aquamarine”! (Cut to the Movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Okay We start off as we hear a voice underwater singing when… (Show the beach club and the cut storm of the scene) Yeah, I forgot how much they decided to hit the fast forward while editing this movie. But I think it was just this scene that used it the most as we are introduced to Hailey and Claire played by Jojo Levesque and Emma Roberts?! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
It was early in her career as well. Way before… (Show poster of “Valentine’s Day as James demonically says “THAT!” Cut to the movie as James does his voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The two apparently have a joint crush on the hunky lifeguard Raymond played by Jake McDorman and apparently, they’re not the only one as we’re introduced to Cecilia Banks played by Arielle Kebbel however it’s not the only problem they have as Hailey and her mom are moving away at the end of the week. At what would be the last slumber party the two would have a massive storm comes as Hailey and her mom argue over her moving away and (Show clip as the power goes out and everything goes haywire then a wave is seen hitting the footage then the next day as James continues his voiceover) The next day Hailey and Claire see the pool is filled with seaweed and other things from the ocean. As Hailey tries to examine closer what else is in there she falls in and Raymond saves her. That night the two meet up with what is really in the water and it just so happens to be a… (Show clip of Aquamarine saying that she’s a Mermaid both slowly and quickly.) That is right, we have a mermaid. Her name is Aquamarine played by Sara Paxton and Aquamarine is here because she needs to learn about humans and one other subject. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And I’ll give you three guesses: One) World Politics, Two) The Difference between Magicks and Science or Three) Love! (Show all clips of her talking about not knowing about love then to James physically) If you guessed Number Three, congrats I’ll ship you your case of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum and Corona Beer, the second the Corona Virus is over. Until then, sorry. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
However they have to leave when Aquamarine, Hailey and Claire are nearly spotted by the caretaker played by “Mad Max” and Australian Acting Legend Bruce Spence. The next morning Hailey and Claire are shocked as the pool is drained. However Aquamarine avoids being spotted by growing legs but hiding in the pool room with nothing but a blue pool toy. However, Aquamarine’s need for clothing is resolved thanks to Hailey’s shirt and a bit of ingenuity. The three have a little fun which is stopped with a call from Aquamarine’s dad on her “Shell Phone” (Unenthusiastically Laughing which ends in a sigh.) But apparently Aquamarine’s dad is angered by her daughter’s anguish. Thankfully before a typhoon hits, Aquamarine’s dad calms down. So now Aquamarine has three days to discover love or else She’s getting an arranged marriage to a rich squid. And how does she know love exists?

(Cut to clip of Aquamarine saying she saw it once and that she wants it! Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
If she has a relative named Madison and her husband’s name is Allen, it’d make SO much sense!

(Two voices cry, one for a sitz bath and another one crying for James’ Help is heard)

TLOTA:
My life is a never-ending nightmare of insanity! I’ll be back. However, if you’re checking this out instead of working on the cure to the virus so we can get back to normal then click out and GET BACK TO WORK GODDAMNIT! (James fumes out grabbing two Tranquilizer guns as it fades to black then cuts to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The three look and see that Aquamarine is taking a fancy towards Raymond, So much so that with the Subtlety of a school of Sharks, Aquamarine quickly asks the question to Raymond! But Raymond quickly rebuffs her. Hailey and Claire agree to help her and that’d lead to them getting a wish. Because if you help a mermaid, you get a wish. Okay! While cleaning out the pool Leonard, The Bruce Spence Character, discovers a necklace and a scale. Meanwhile, Hailey and Claire begin to help Aquamarine with the typical teen movie clichés. However, this gets on Cecilia’s bad side and declares war on Aquamarine. (Cut to clip of Aquamarine calling Cecilia dim sighted, Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Um… Snap?! Really even though I have teen twin nieces and they have a little sister; I don’t know how teens do things these days. OKAY I GET IT I’M AN OLD DIRTY MAN FOR WATCHING THIS MOVIE! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Apparently Aquamarine has to quickly discover everything about boys in time to talk to Raymond at a Street Fair that same day! Which they go to an hour later as they do more Teen clichés. Okay seriously what’s up with the clichés? Apparently Aquamarine gets Raymond’s attentions however as the night grows closer Aquamarine’s tail starts to return and if she’s exposed it’d be bad, I’m talking really bad. (Cut to clips of Splash as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I’m talking about being used for scientific experimentation in a tank after being exposed at a dinner by an overzealous Eugene Levy character. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay, last comparison to Splash but seriously if you saw this and you had the come up to the same surprising comparison, it wouldn’t surprise me! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Cecilia comes in to take Raymond, Just as Aquamarine is asked out to “The Last Splash”! OKAY MOVIE, THERE’S ENOUGH ROOM FOR ME TO MAKE THE REFERENCES TO… (Cut to “The Last Splash” scenes. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Oh, it’s a party to celebrate the end of Summer! Okay, My bad! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Aquamarine and Hailey decide that a water tank would be a good hiding spot for her while on land at night. That night Hailey and Claire plan to help Aquamarine to get Raymond with a Makeover montage! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So I guess they’re sacrificing their crush on Raymond to help Aquamarine find love? I guess that’s a good moral, but I don’t know if anyone saw that? (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
While getting Starfish that act like talking Earrings, I’m just going with this with the mind set of getting done quickly, this happens. (Show clip of Aquamarine telling how she discovered love by a couple as it turns out Aquamarine was present on the day her parents died. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So, Claire’s parents were the reason Aquamarine discovered love and she was there the day they died!  WHY IS CLAIRE WILLINGLY HELPING THE PERSON WHO WAS A WITNESS TO HER PARENTS DEATH?! (The sound of Muffled voices screaming at James to stop getting angry and yelling are heard. James grabs two tranquilizer guns and walks away. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Apparently Aquamarine discovers Cecilia’s story about asking Raymond to the Last Splash and is heartbroken. However Claire is refusing to stop helping the person who again is the witness to her parents death with Claire getting Raymond and Hailey stopping Aquamarine by reminding her of what is going to happen if she returns. Aqua and Hailey hang out bathtub side eating “Phish Food” Ice Cream, funny, as Raymond comes in! Thankfully Raymond decides to ask Aquamarine to “The Last Splash”. Just before they kiss, Aquamarine has to head back to the water tank for the night as Cecilia discovers Aquamarine’s mermaid secret and plans on exposing her the next day. Thankfully Leonard shows up and rescues Aquamarine at the last moment to give Aquamarine her necklace back meaning that he knew and promised to keep her secret meaning he gets a wish granted! Aqua and Raymond meet and Aqua asks Raymond again if she loves her. Raymond is still stymied at the thought when (Show Cecilia as she throws Aquamarine into the water then a storm erupts, cut to James physically as he grabs two tranquilizer guns. Cut to James as he walks out the front door)

TLOTA:
Well, This is just a perfect moment this year! (Cut to the sky as it shows dark clouds and a raspy voice saying “Subcreatures! Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer The Destroyer! Volghuss Zildrahar the traveler has come!” Cut to James as he walks back in and fires the tranquilizers into the sources of the voices wondering what’s going on. Cut to James as he walks into his room!)

TLOTA:
Well Cecilia, I hope that you’re proud of yourself, you unleashed Gozer! What can you do for an encore?

(Cut to the movie as Cecilia as she asks Raymond out after she tosses Aquamarine, exposing her mermaid secret! Cut to James physically with his Jaw agape!)

TLOTA:
You…have…GOT…TO BE…KIDDING….ME! (James gets up as it cuts to a Still image of Lisa from “The Room” and James in the still as he grabs the frozen still of Lisa out of the scene. Cut to a Still image of Cecilia, Raymond and Aquamarine from “Aquamarine” as James knocks Raymond and Aquamarine with Raymond getting a Wilhelm scream out of him out and puts Lisa in the place of Raymond and James where Aquamarine is.)

TLOTA:
OKAY AUDIENCE, IT’S TIME TO PLAY “WHO’S WORSE?” CECILIA FROM “AQUAMARINE” OR LISA FROM “THE ROOM”! Let us list the atrocities, shall we? Lisa from “The Room” constantly cheated on Johnny with Mark. She has had no qualms about doing whatever it took to get Johnny out of her life to be with Mark, She faked a story about Johnny hitting her, she lied about carrying Johnny’s child, 95 percent of her conversations with her Breast Cancer riddled mother is about how much she hates Johnny, even though she agreed to be his wife! Lisa causes Johnny to commit Suicide even after she becomes the cause of Johnny’s demise while looking over Johnny’s corpse she still tries to get Mark! Cecilia from “Aquamarine” has made herself transparent that she’ll do whatever it takes to get Raymond. She had her stooges basically lie about her taking Raymond to the Last Splash. Cecilia nearly exposes her to the public on the news, we have Bruce Spence to thank for that not happening then just as things couldn’t get worse with Raymond not knowing how to feel about Aquamarine Cecilia tosses her back to the ocean exposing Aquamarine to Raymond and unleashing GOZER and as if it weren’t that bad she STILL decides to hit on Raymond as all HELL BREAKS LOOSE AND SHE IS THE CAUSE OF THE OCEANS RISING TO DESTROY US ALL! Oh, who am I kidding they’re both equally as bad! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Raymond rebukes Cecilia caring more for Aquamarine. Cecilia causer of the Apocalypse handles the loss well. (Show clip of Cecilia shrieking “NO!” cutting to James physically as his ears are bleeding and his glasses lenses shatter)

TLOTA:
Well thank you Cecilia causer of the Apocalypse, I didn’t need my glasses or hearing! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Hailey and Claire run into the water attempting to rescue Aquamarine from her father sacrificing their wishes to save her and apparently the tears from Aquamarine were enough proof to Aquamarine’s father that love exists! WOW MOVIE…just…JUST WOW! You built up that if Aquamarine showed her father that love existed by trying to hook up Raymond and Aquamarine, when in reality it was the power of love through friendship that the three have that saved the day! Excuse me for a moment. (The sound of James walking away and James closing a door as he screams like a banshee is heard, then the sound of James returning is heard as an audible sigh is heard.) So yeah, The movie ends with Aquamarine and Raymond talk about having a romantic relationship and Claire and Hailey sad knowing that even though they will be apart, they’ll still be friends and a montage of photos of the three and the good times they had. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So that was “Aquamarine” and maybe it’s because it came out when my twin nieces were too young or I was starting to phase out of that type of movies but yeah I liked it but it didn’t leave an impact on me. (Cut to clips of the movie as “Island In The Sun” plays and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
It’s not as bad as say “Fish Tales” or as confusingly awful as “The Three Tails: A Mermaid Adventure” but there is some wrong in it. The clichés were just too much, the whole romance vs love thing just seemed too jumbled up and I kind of felt that any morals and lessons learned were not absorbed well. But the acting wasn’t bad, the writing while hard to deal with was well handled in a story like this, the effects were seamless and the directing was competent at best. Do I recommend it? As a guilty pleasure absolutely but only as a rental. It is not worth the extra few bucks to own this movie. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Besides it didn’t exactly make stars overnight nor did it kill every career. Arielle Kebbel came out just fine. I mean look at her IMDB, Look at her. (Cut to Arielle Kebbel in her apartment)

TLOTA (Audio only):
With her New York Apartment, her couch, her well cared for body. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Her eyes that appear to be stabbing daggers into my sou.. (James groans like Moe from The Three Stooges. Cut to Arielle Kebbel in her apartment)

Arielle Kebbel:
James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans. (Cut to James in his room)

TLOTA:
Arielle Kebbel? (Cut to Arielle Kebbel in her apartment)

Arielle Kebbel:
That’s right and I have a few bones to pick with you. You may have found me and a lot of my work enjoyable, but I wish I could say the same about you. (Cut to James physically)

Arielle Kebbel (Audio only):
You see James, I don’t like your reviews but guess what I found… (Cut to Arielle Kebbel physically)

Arielle Kebbel:
You see I did some digging around and found footage from the archives of Sullivan County BOCES and the Liberty High School 2002-2003 school year and in them a whole lot of feature a certain future Internet Reviewer by the name of James Faraci! (Cut to James in his room)

TLOTA:
I knew this was coming, if you think I wasn’t expecting this, I’ve been waiting since Mara Wilson took on a Meshuginah Schmuck from Chicago for this moment! (Cut to Arielle Kebbel in her apartment)

Arielle Kebbel:
Really? Ever since then? (Cut to James in his room)

TLOTA:
Oh yeah! Let’s do it! (Cut to Arielle Kebbel in her apartment)

Arielle Kebbel:
Okay James, Your funeral! PLAY IT! (Static cuts to old footage of James singing and performing in The Sullivan County BOCES Concerts. Cut to James as he starts to look away but then sees his performances and smiles)

TLOTA:
Oh MY GOD! Look at me! (Cut to the old footage of James performing as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Even back then I was as hammy as all get out! And look at my haircuts! How in the hell did I not get my ass kicked for looking that and those different style glasses, What was I thinking? (Cut to Arielle Kebbel in her apartment)

Arielle Kebbel:
Uh Okay, I wasn’t expecting that reaction. (Cut to James in His Room)

TLOTA:
Looking back at me at my youngest and as I progress, WOW! (Cut to the old footage of James as he does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Even then I was the overstuffed Square Peg trying to fit into the round hole! And what about the style of clothing! I knew looking back one day I’d be saying to myself “What was I thinking? Was I thinking at all?” (Cut to James in his room)

TLOTA:
Wow, this look back down memory lane was the necessary reminder of why should get out and how I can fit in! (Cut to Arielle Kebbel in her apartment)

Arielle Kebbel:
Okay, WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?!  (Arielle Kebbel goes to get her usual needs to read a script.) Sorry for breaking character but I’m reading the script and it says “Arielle Kebbel torments and tortures James Faraci The Last Of The Americans until he breaks and Arielle Kebbel maniacally laughs as it cuts to black and the words drenched in blood read “Hollywood will win, No matter what!”. As you say every now and then “WHAT IN THE NAME OF ZEUS’ BUTTHOLE IS GOING ON?”! (Cut to the old footage of James as James stands in front of it)

TLOTA:
You wanna know? I’ll tell ya! You and most of the acting community believe us Internet Reviewers are all the same! Pissy little angry fanboys who hide in front a camera or computer, scared of being hurt by Hollywood! That is where you are wrong Kebbel! I’m not a little angry fanboy! I am James Benjamin Faraci, I AM THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS! I FEAR NO ONE OR NO THING! YOU WANT FEAR! (James takes off his glasses) FEAR THIS! (James starts to pull off his face as it cuts to Arielle Kebbel as she says, “What the hell is going on?” Cut to James as the skin around the neck start to tear off as he screams. Cut to Arielle Kebbel as she starts to look in terror at the situation and said “If you turn out to be an alien, given everything that’s happened so far this year it wouldn’t surprise me  if I was right!”. Cut to James as his face starts to come off and he screams again in more pain. Cut to Arielle Kebbel as she shouts “JAMES, IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE DOING I SWEAR I…” Cut to James as his face finally comes off and reveals an ever expanding Kayla High Face as it starts the “Remember Me, Eddie” moment from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”  When The bit goes into the part of where Judge Doom says “I talked” the scene cuts to Arielle Kebbel with a look of complete fear on her face. Cut back as the face as it covers the entirety of the scream of Judge Doom shouting “JUST…LIKE THIIIIIIIIIIIIS!” and the shout of the word of “THIS” is held as it cuts to Arielle Kebbel as she screams “No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” then slams to black as letters in Blood Red say “FIND THE CORONA VIRUS CURE! NOW!”. Fade to Black)