"Birds" attacking me! "Prey" for me!

(Scene begins with a laser hitting a slab of Titanium as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three run out of frame moving forward, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left and Olivia Horvath appear in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down and  James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to James in his room at his house and he is in tears and continues to cry as he holds up the case for “Birds Of Prey & The Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn”)

TLOTA (While crying):

Mommy! I don’t wanna watch movies anymore! (James continues to cry as it cuts to the title card of “Birds Of Prey & The Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn” and clips of the movie as James continues to cry! Cut to the clip from MST3K of Joel and The Bots host segment “The Castle Of Fu Manchu” and they openly cry and breakdown. Cut to more clips of the movie as James continues to cry. Cut to James as he regains some of his composure.)

TLOTA:

Let’s not waste time, this… is… (James returns to crying as he tries to say, “Birds Of Prey & The Fantabulous Emancipation Of One Harley Quinn”! James cries “NO!” repeatedly for five seconds. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

So the movie starts four years after The Suicide Squad defeated The Enchantress as we discover Harley Quinn once again played by Margot Robbie after The Joker gave her the boot as she gets over the loss. She moves with a Taiwanese Restauranteur by the name of Doc and cuts her hair and adopts a hyena and names it Bruce Wayne in addition, she’s into Roller Der… (Audio of James crying cuts James off. Cut to James physically as he continues to cry for a minute then regains what little composure he can have after the year he’s had)

TLOTA:

I’m sorry, it’s just that OY FRIGGIN GAVALT! I HATE THIS YEAR! LAST YEAR ENDED WITH ME SAYING GOODBYE TO MY OLDEST BROTHER BECAUSE HE DIED, THIS YEAR MY SISTER SUFFERS A PAIN THAT HURT ME, THIS VIRUS FORCED ME TO SEND MY TEAM HOME AND SHUT DOWN MY STUDIO, I HAD GREAT IDEAS FOR THIS YEAR WHICH I HAD TO CANCEL THEM. BUT WHAT DO I DO?! I DEAL WITH THE WORST IN MOVIES, THE WORST IN POP CULTURE AND NOW WITH THE WHOLE WORLD GETTING DUMBER! I HAVE TO SIT AND WATCH THE DECLINE OF THE ENTIRE PLANET ON A GOD DAMNED MOVIE! WHY AM I BEING MADE TO SUFFER EVERY GOD DAMNED SECOND? IS IT BECAUSE I’M A 2+2=4 COMMON SENSE PERSON? IS IT BECAUSE I’M SOMEONE ACCORDING TO THE MAINSTREAM NEWS A PART OF EVIL BECAUSE I SUPPORT COMMON SENSE AND DIPLOMACY? IS IT BECAUSE SO MANY IN MY PROFESSION ARE SEEING ME AS AN ASSHOLE AND NOT THE DECENT GUY THAT I AM! AND YET IN SPITE OF IT ALL, AFTER EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD I STILL DO MY DUTIES BECAUSE I’M JAMES FRIGGIN FARACI THE LAST OF THE GOD DAMNED FRIGGIN DECENT, INTELLIGENT, HARD WORKING AMERICANS! (James screams like a madman and collapses. James’ right hand raises up and he picks himself back off from the floor, sighs and fully regains his composure)

TLOTA:

You know, after that, I feel as if I might just get through this turkey! Let’s do it! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

One night, Harley is at a nightclub owned by Roman Sionis played by Ewan Mcgregor while in a very intoxicated state Harley cripples Roman’s driver after being an asshole to her. It’s while she’s at the club she meets Dinah Lance played by Jurnee Smollett-Bell who saves Harley from being abducted! Even after leaving The Joker she can’t keep herself from getting into trouble. But Roman decides to make Dinah his new driver just as Renee Montoya played by the awesome Rosie Perez continues looking for a mob murderer who uses crossbows to kill their prey and a bombing at the Ace Chemical treatment plant. Finding Harley’s Necklace at the bombing Montoya confronts Harley who admits she bombed the Chemical plant and fears that Harley is in danger. Montoya decides to go to the one person who can help, Dinah who promptly tells Montoya to take a hike on the proposal to become an informant on Sionis. Instead loaded on non-lethal grenade rounds Dinah and Victor Zsasz played by Chris Messina go looking for a diamond embedded in it is the account numbers for the Bertinelli Crime Family. However a young pickpocket by the name of Cassandra Cain takes the diamond and swallows it. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

That’s gonna be rough on the digestive track! (James’ stomach churns) Speaking of digestive tracks mine has been kicking my ass. I need to poop and afterwards I’ll check out something in my palate cleansing then get back to the movie! I’ll be back! (Cut to James as he runs to the bathroom, the scene fades to black then cuts to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to James as he watches the 2002 TV Series “Birds Of Prey” on DVD)

TLOTA:

Yeah, I’m watching the “Birds Of Prey” tv series from 2002, I liked the show more than I do this movie! You got a problem with it, kiss my ass while I’m on the toilet! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

After escaping from Sionis, Harley and Cassandra decide to hide at Harley’s place just as Doc is approached as to who the “Crossbow Killer” is. Doc tells that it’s Helena Bertinelli otherwise known as “The Huntress” played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Doc sells the two out which leads to Harley’s apartment being blown to bits! Pissed as all get out, Harley contacts Roman for protection and to hand Cassandra to Roman. Dinah spills to Montoya about Roman’s plans but Zsasz finds out and tells Sionis who now dons his ritualistic “Black Mask”. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

You’re probably wondering why I’m not in a foaming frenzy about how comic inaccurate things are in the movie. Well everyone who is a comic book fan knows how inaccurate things are and here is the mentality the fans have towards Warner Bros. and DC’s Live Action Movie Division. (Cut to the MST3K Clip from “Attack Of The Eye Creatures” in which Joel and the bots say “THEY JUST DIDN’T CARE!”. Cut to James physically) And if the fans believe DC and Warners just don’t care then why should I get upset at their stupidity! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Harley makes it to the park as does Montoya but Montoya is taken out momentarily by Harley as Zsasz tranqs Harley, holds Dinah at Gunpoint and is killed by Helena. Harley wakes up just as Roman and his crew known as the False Face Society. However our makeshift group of heroes come together with Harley’s old gear to whoop ass and to be honest, this is so underwhelming that it bores me, even when Dinah unleashes her Canary Scream! Harley and Dinah go after Roman confronting him as he holds Cassandra Cain hostage on the pier at the park. However Cassandra pulls a ring that was in Roman’s Jacket that was connected to a grenade and well The Wind Up, The Pitch and Boom goes The Black Mask! After that, Montoya quits the force, joins with Dinah and Helena to become a vigilante group known as “The Birds Of Prey” funded by the money and the account number that was hidden inside the diamond and Harley and Cassandra go into the Contract Killing business. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

And of course we have our obligatory post credit scene! (Show Post credit scene of Harley about to reveal a secret about Batman but is cut off. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

I just don’t care about what it was! This movie made it hard for me to care because it was so stupid I had to cry! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

“Birds Of Prey & The Fantabulous Emancipation Of One Harley Quinn” may just be one of those movies I wouldn’t recommend to my worst enemies to watch! It is so bad it’s on Cool Cat levels of bad, it’s almost as bad as the RVD Extreme Comedy Championship series! If a friend could come by and brought it with them, I guarantee not only would my friend be shown the door, they’d be shown the door with the movie shoved where the sun doesn’t shine! But then again what would I expect from DC’s latest Live Action Movies, but if what they’re saying about Wonder Woman 1984 and Flashpoint then maybe this will be the last time I have to deal with this horridness in my lifetime! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going heavy into my palate cleanse until later this month! I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that’s my opinion!

Superman and the Seven "Returns"

(Scene begins with a laser hitting a slab of Titanium as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three run out of frame moving forward, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left and Olivia Horvath appear in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down and  James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to James in his room at his house)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and even though it is my Seventh Anniversary, for me, I have no reason to celebrate, I’m still stuck in Quarantine Lockdown, I’m dealing with even more hardships as with my luck, this will most likely be out in August, If I’m Lucky! (A Phone rings off screen) I’ll get it! (James walks off for two seconds.) Hello! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’ studio)

Lindsay Nagel exec:
Finally it took forever to get some signal here, I’m running on Solar Generators but regardless, I have been getting my execs with the charts, graphs and test audiences to work on a script for a movie! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
First and only Question is Why? Don’t you know there’s a coronavirus quarantine that’s supposed to grind everything and everyone down to a halt! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’ studio)

Lindsay Nagel exec:
Uninspired writing, talentless acting and hack directors cannot wait! Besides, me and my execs have after numerous rewrites after numerous test audience results have finally written out the plo… Oh! Never mind, more test audience results show they don’t like the plot. But we’ll get the first draft in eventually, then we’ll show you that creativity, artistry, a real plot or story or anything that goes into movies! (Cut to James as he hangs up the phone)

TLOTA:
I’m going to be crazy by the end of the year, I can see it coming! (A Phone rings off screen again and James walks away for two seconds) Hello! (Cut to a man named Steven played by Johnny Berchtold covered in milk and pea soup as an infant is crying in the background)

Steven:
Yes, my name is Steven and I am currently taking care of Mr. Bryan Singer. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
I can hear from the background. (Cut to Steven as an infant is crying in the background)

Steven:
Apparently, he’s not too happy and is blaming the audience and the critics not getting what he wanted to do. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
With what, I’m afraid to ask. (Cut to Steven as an infant is crying in the background)

Steven:
A movie he made in 2006. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Oh well guess what, that happens to be the subject of my Seventh Anniversary Review! (Cut to Opening Title of “Superman Returns” as the John Ottman “Superman Returns” theme song plays in the foreground of the clips of “Superman Returns” and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yes folks, no matter how much we as Superman fans tried to deny it’s existence, it’s real and I saw it in theaters, okay granted it was the same theater that a few years later I saw “Twilight” at but that’s besides the point. This strange anomaly is trying to recapture the glory days of the Donner Classic and somehow try to bring something new to elevate the Man Of Steel. (Audio of Steven coughing and saying Excuse Me. Cut to Steven Physically)

Steven:
Just what is the “Donner Classic”? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Oy, Here I go again! (Cut to the classic Christopher Reeve “Superman” Movies/ “Superman Returns” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
In 1978, Richard Donner hired by Alexander & Ilya Salkind helped Superman be shown with Respect as opposed to how he has been seen by that point after JFK got assassinated which was as a joke and to many a writer to the Superfriends cartoons/ Superman’s own comic book lines dumping grounds for San Francisco & Fire Island jokes if not interceded by network and editorial censors at DC. However, the success of the first one wasn’t enough for either side to swallow their pride to finish Superman II, Richard Lester finished it, end of discussion on Superman II. Superman III is something my friends The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok already talked about, enough said. “Supergirl” the movie yeah, me and KiraKennedy just couldn’t get into it and the stupidity just hurt us both and after “Superman IV: The Quest For Peace” put the entire Superman movie franchise behind the shed and a Kryptonite bullet into Superman’s movie success it seemed after trial and tribulation that Superman would never fly onto the big screens again, that is until 2006 came and after Bryan Singer successfully brought the X-Men to the big screen twice by that point was brought in by Warner Brothers and Jon Peters to see if he can get Superman flying again. But does it still fly? Is the movie as good as the first two Superman Movies? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any more time then necessary, this is “Superman Returns” (Cut to “Superman Returns” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie opens up with text that tells us that five years ago, someone had found signs of life where Krypton was, and Superman disappeared looking for what it was. We then… (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
One moment. (James pulls out a cell phone. Cut to Allison Pregler as she looks at what to review next for “Movie Nights” when her phone goes off.)

Allison Pregler:
Hello! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Allison, just for the record if you ever do “Superman Returns” for “Movie Nights” be aware that Marlon Brando’s Jor-El is back AND he’s been digitally brought back from the dead as Holograms and a voiceover. Just giving you a heads up! (James hangs up. Cut to Allison Pregler looking confused)

Allison Pregler:
What was that about? (Cut to “Superman Returns” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After the amazingly awesome opening credits we get… (Show clip as Noel Neill’s Character “Gertrude Vanderworth” talks to her husband Lex Luthor. Show clip of Lex Luthor as played by Kevin Spacey revealing himself. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So the late Noel Neill, the first ever Lois Lane appears in the movie cameos as a wealthy old woman and her husband is Lex Luthor played by Kevin Spacey. I know I shouldn’t make the joke because it’s Kevin Spacey, but the fact is that Lex Luthor married and did GOD knows what else to her, I… I… It’s in my head! IT IS IN MY HEAD! (James takes his glasses off as he feels this need to toss his cookies and grabs two tranquilizer guns and tranquilizes the people he’s with while in Quarantine and James runs to the bathroom and reenacts the “Ace Ventura Einhorn is a man” discovery perfunctory. Cut to “Superman Returns” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So after you deal with the “Oh dear god, Mama No!” revelation you’ll have to deal with. We cut to the Kent Farm where (Sounding like Ben Affleck Batman): MARTHA! (Back to normal): played by Eva Marie Saint is rocked by the sensation of the farm nearly buying it along with herself as we see a Kryptonian Ship landing in the yard as we’re introduced to Clark Kent AKA Superman this time being played by future Legend Of Tomorrow Atom Brandon Routh and his performance while trying to capture what Christopher Reeve had done for some odd reason well simply put, he never got a chance to truly fly as either character. But he did get a chance to show what he could do though limitedly as Superman which I will talk about later on. But in the meanwhile Lex Luthor and his crew which includes Kal Penn with no lines whatsoever yet he’s credited as an actor and Parker Posey who sadly shows no personality in the role of Kitty as her performance shows (Show all of “Kitty”’s scenes in “Superman Returns”. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And worse she has shown she has range, personality, and everything in better roles prior to and after this movie. I think she should seriously get a new agent! (Cut to “Superman Returns” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We soon find ourselves going back to Metropolis and of course The Daily Planet where we catch up with Jimmy Olsen played by Sam Huntington and Perry White played by Frank Langella. As Clark settles back into the daily grind, we find out that Lois Lane played without an ounce of enthusiasm by Kate Bosworth is now a mother with a little kid named Jason played by Tristan Lake Leabu and has a good man by the name of Richard White who is Perry’s Nephew and is played by James Marsden post Cyclops in the “X-Men” movies, pre “Hairspray” and his current career which includes…(Show all of his post “Superman Returns” movie library including “Sonic The Hedgehog”. Cut to James physically)

 TLOTA:
Seriously, someone get HIM a better agent! (A Phone rings off screen) I’ll get it! (James walks off for two seconds.) Hello! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’ studio)

Lindsay Nagel exec:
Okay, after an eternity of Test Audiences, Charts, Graphs and all our usual voodoo that we do so well we’ve got our script, cast, crew and everything else! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
NEVER CALL ME AGAIN! Wait a second, where are you calling me from? Wait let me write down the address.  428 Fai… HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU GET INTO MY STUDIO SINCE IT IS IN OMEGA LEVEL LOCKDOWN? WHAT DO I MEAN? I MEAN NO POWER, NO PHONE, CABLE OR INTERNET, NO RUNNING WATER. I EVEN SHUT OFF…. Oh, forget it! (James hangs up the phone when it rings again) What?! (Cut to Steven)

Steven:
Yeah, it’s Steven again, my employer is wondering who you would’ve chosen to be Lois Lane in “Superman Returns”? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well like Richard Donner, I would’ve gone with a semi unknown actress like Christy Carlson Romano! (Cut to Steven)

Steven:
He said “A Semi unknown actress named Christy Carlson Romano” (Infant crying and throwing baby food and a bottle of Jack Daniels out of frame) Yeah, he said “You’re an idiot and if he could, he’d blame the audience for not getting the movie!” (Cut to James physically as he shuts his phone off)

TLOTA:
I’m not even through the first hour and I’m in pain! So, I’ve got to take a break and regroup! I’ll be back!

(James sits and rubs his forehead as he tries to deal with his continual headache as it fades to black then cuts to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to “Superman Returns” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We soon discover Lex in the Fortress of Solitude where, as I warned Allison Pregler in the beginning of my review, Marlon Brando through the power of Digital Recreation reprises his role as Jor-El! Meanwhile Lois is covering a piggyback flight experiment for a shuttle just as Lex takes a tiny shard from one of the crystals which he ransacked from the Fortress Of Solitude as Kal Penn drops it into the water of a model inside the mansion. The results? A minor EMP that shuts down the power world wide for a moment and causing both the model to have sound effects of chaos and death and pain and all sorts of disaster and The Shuttle being piggybacked to suffer a computer failure forcing the launch of the Shuttle while still holding the airplane under it! This looks like a job for…Budwiser! Yeah, not kidding on this, instead of being aware right away about Lois’ peril Clark and Jimmy are at a bar tended by the late Jack Larson when after the minor EMP event that’s when Clark hears about Lois. And after nearly forty minutes Superman leaps back into action to get the shuttle off the airplane. The airplane itself however is falling like rock. (Show clip of plane falling and Superman trying to save the plane and it is landing in the baseball park thanks to Superman. Cut to the cockpit as the onboard computer as it says “Fly Up! Fly Up!” Cut to clip of Leslie Nielson from “Airplane!” as he says “I just want to say Good Luck! We’re all counting on you!”. Cut to Superman as he says how safe it is to fly, AGAIN!) And with that, Superman is welcomed back after a five-year hiatus with roaring applause! Lois handles it well! (Show clip of her fainting and sliding down the emergency slide! Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well somethings never change, I guess. (A Phone rings off screen) I’ll get it! (James walks off for two seconds.) Hello! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’ studio)

Lindsay Nagel exec:
Oh James, we’re redoing the casting process! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Did you have a cast? (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’ studio)

Lindsay Nagel exec:
Well we did but the charts from the…(Cut to James as he throws the phone into the trash can as it speed talks. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Thrilled at the excitement of the return of Superman, Perry White decides that it is the biggest story for the Daily Planet and with her objecting all the way, Perry tells Lois to be on the Superman Story. Meanwhile Lois and Clark become friends again while introducing Richard to Clark as Lex plans a heist after hearing the return of Superman. Meanwhile Lois for some reason has a problem with Superman’s return. However Superman…(Show clip of Superman looking over Lois, Jason and Richard like a stalker. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay believe it or not I seriously had a sketch in which Lois Lane files a restraining order on Superman for stalking her and her family. The Judge would’ve been played by my friend Rowdy, Lois was to have been played by Brenda Fonseca, Superman was to have been played by John Ross Santos and the judge would’ve granted it. The second case would’ve been Linkara as his Dude bro Batman being served with Restraining orders by every female in his rogues’ gallery and several of Bruce Wayne’s Ex-Girlfriends and Linkara’s Dude bro Batman accidentally outing himself as Bruce Friggin Wayne! (A Phone rings off screen) I’ll get it! (James walks off for two seconds and pulls the phone out of the garbage.) WHAT?! (Cut to Linkara as his Dude Bro Batman)

Dude Bro Batman:
How do I out myself? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
By your own Stupid hand Bruce! (Cut to Dude Bro Batman)

Dude Bro Batman:
Your name is Bruce? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
No, Linkara. I’m a very angry, tired and stressed out Internet reviewer named James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! AND YOU’RE GOING TO GET THE DARWIN AWARD FOR YOUR STUPIDITY! (James shuts off his phone. Cut to the Dude Bro Batman.)

Dude Bro Batman:
Wait, I’m The Last Of The Americans? (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After stalking Lois, Superman decides to get to work saving people leading to one of my favorite moments as a gang with a mega heavy duty gatling gun tries to rob a bank and Superman saves the guards and after shooting off enough bullets to bury Charlie Sheen from “Hot Shots Part Deux” ten times over. The head thug decides “OKAY! I’m gonna shoot him in the eye! That’ll kill him!” (The Bullet bounces off Superman’s eye!) Now the look on his face speaks volumes as he looks up after the bullet does nothing to Superman, it’s basically him thinking “OH CRAP! I’M PUDDING!”. While that’s going down, Lex incognito decides to visit/take something from a museum which happens to be a green crystal from Addis Ababa!  While Kitty is bait for Superman in which after recreating the Iconic “Action Comics No.1” cover. The next day Perry not too happy about Lois trying to figure out the source of the blackout basically tells Lois to do to Superman article while Clark handles the blackout. However Richard decides lets all work together on both stories together and to Brandon’s credit, he doesn’t make Clark sound like a d-bag while Clark, Lois and Richard are together and tries his best to do what’s right for the sake of both stories and Jimmy Olsen acts as an expositional point to let Clark know that Lex got out on a technicality because Superman wasn’t around. (Cut to James physically as a Phone rings off screen again and James walks away for two seconds) Hello! (Cut to Steven as he gets further covered in baby food and other fluids)

Steven:
Yeah, Bryan isn’t happy you’re giving Brandon Routh any credit, he was too young and inexperienced when it came to him being Superman or Clark Kent. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Christopher Reeve was an unknown before he got the role of Superman and it did his career gangbusters until the accident that paralyzed him and nine years later killed him. (Cut to Steven as he gets further covered in baby food and other fluids)

Steven:
And Brandon…(Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Went on to become a character actor and reprise the role that brought him to the mainstream! (Cut to clips of the CW crossover “Crisis On Infinite Earths” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This is what I was eluding to earlier, last year The CW and their DC Shows had a massive crossover event loosely based on the DC Event Comic “Crisis On Infinite Earths” and while Brandon did play Ray “The Atom” Palmer he also revived his portrayal of Superman and even though it was a nice send off for that version of Superman it also did something I didn’t want to see happen, it basically canonized the new crop of DC Movies instead of erasing them from existence! But thankfully from what I heard their latest movies BOMBED at the box office and it’ll be a while if ever DC can get their act together to try again at a connected universe of movies. (Cut to Superman Returns as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But back to the movie at hand, After Lois gives Richard an expositional dump on Superman, Lois head on up where Surprise! Surprise! Superman waits for Lois and she’s not too happy he left her five years ago. But one Superman flight later and while she’s not upset with Superman as much as she was, she’s still not at peace with what he did to her. The next day Lois hands in the article and then prepares to continue to work in secret on the blackout story just as Lois nearly forgets to pick up Jason but she gets him and takes Jason along to find the Mansion Lex Luthor resides in as well as the Yacht in which Lois and Jason are captured leading to some funny lines from Jason (Show clip of Jason’s lines saying to Lex Luthor “You’re Bald” and “Mommy tells me never speak to strangers”. Cut to Superman Returns as James continues his voiceover). Okay Lex, you have Lois and her son hostage, what is your plan, Cochise? (Show Lex’s plans to use the Crystals to build a new continent, destroying America in the process. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So, yeah Real estate, again! OKAY, Why are you so interested in it? (A Phone rings off screen) I’m going to regret this! (James walks off for two seconds.) WHAT?! (Cut to Steven as he gets further covered in baby food and other fluids)

Steven:
Yeah, Bryan is upset at the obvious plot event that you’re missing! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that would be? (Cut to Steven as he gets further covered in baby food and other fluids)

Steven:
That this movie takes Superman III, Supergirl and Superman IV out of continuity. Hence the reason for the obsession for real estate, again! Okay that is it! Come here you little! (Steven walks off to punish Bryan Singer for everything he’s done. Cut to Superman Returns as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Lex reveals he has Kryptonite which for some reason gets Jason interested and Lex wondering who Jason’s dad is. Well Lex I hate to break it to you but, you’re holding something bright in front of a Five-Year-old kid! OF COURSE, THEY’RE GONNA KEEP THEIR EYES ON IT! Meanwhile Richard can’t seem to find Lois and Jason and again I love this moment in which instead of being an a-hole Clark and Richard work together to try and find Lois and Richard. As that goes on Lex fires the Kryptonite laced Crystal which causes another blackout and after overhearing where they were Lois faxes the coordinates to The Daily Planet leading to a scene of a whole load of covers from the Daily Planet showing the succession of events leading to Superman’s disappearance showing Clark to become Superman again but noticing that the city is in danger goes and saves the people. After that bit of awesomeness, Lois’ ruse is discovered by a thug led to guard them, play Heart & Soul with Jason and if need be kill them when… (Show clip of the piano being slammed into the thug by Jason. Cut to chorused montage of “WHAT?!”’s from different characters in tune with the last minute and change of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture as the last “WHAT?!” comes from James shouting “WHAT?!”. Cut to the movie as James does his voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT JASON, THE CUTE LITTLE KID WHO HAS HAD NO BEARING ON THE PLOT, THE KID WHO GOT A SMILE OUT OF ME IN A LOT OF THE SCENES HE WAS IN, IS ACTUALLY THE SON OF LOIS LANE AND SUPERMAN?!!?!?!  (Cut to clips of “Man Of Steel” and the current DC Movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Okay say what you want in the recent Superman/DC movies. Yes, Superman killing Zod was a bad move, The whole “Martha” moment was absurd, HOW EVERY SINGLE TROLL CELEBRATED SUPERMAN’S DEMISE AND CRIED “NO!” WHEN HE DID RETURN IN “JUSTICE LEAGUE” I mean yeah, every moment so far in the new Movies in this iteration of DC’s production is deplorable. (Cut to Superman Returns as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
BUT TO SHOW SUPERMAN AS A DEADBEAT DAD?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MOVIE?! SERIOUSLY! (Cut to recent stills of the Superman Comic Books as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Believe it or not, I’m actually giving the recent Comic Book iteration credit as it shows Clark AKA Superman as a loving and caring father to his son Jon Kent who like father like son has powers and is actually in the Comics the new Superboy! So, for this movie to do this assassination of Superman’s Character is worse than any curse the late Jerry Siegel and the late Joe Shuster can EVER dump on Superman, in any iteration! ARGH! (Cut to Superman Returns as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
At any rate, Richard makes it to the yacht and before he could get them out of danger a Crystal snaps the boat in half causing Lois to be rendered unconscious and to sink to the bottom of the ocean. However, before they can be killed Superman hoists them out of harms way. Superman then confronts Lex Luthor but not knowing about the Kryptonite, Superman gets ambushed and then shanked by Lex Luthor. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
With a sharp Kryptonite shard, get your head out of the gutter. (A Phone rings off screen) It never rains in SoCal but when it pours it’s like Niagara Falls! (James walks off for two seconds.) WHAT?!

(Cut to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’ studio)

Lindsay Nagel exec:
We’ve just finished filming and post-production, Now, we’re going to distribute this movie and show you what we’re capable of! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
I await a call from you as the deluge of reviews bury your movie. (James shuts the phone off. Cut to Superman Returns as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Lois, Richard and Jason try to get Superman out of there, but everyone knows he must go and Stop Lex’s plans even if there is Kryptonite on the growing Crystalline structured Land mass. After a brief solar recharge Superman lifts the entire thing as Kitty drops the remaining crystals on the land mass as she, Lex and the Pomeranian get out of there. As Superman falls to the earth that land mass is never to be seen or heard from again, not even referenced in the CW “Crisis” DC Series crossover event I mentioned earlier! Emergency workers do everything to save Superman’s life while coalescing in the Hospital Lois brings Jason and whispers a thanks, letting Superman know she is now at peace with what happened, spills that Jason is their kid and hopes he survives long enough to get Child Support and Alimony meaning The Fortress Of Solitude will be Lois Lane’s property. Meanwhile we find Lex on an Island with a Helicopter that’s out of gas, Kitty and a Pomeranian that’s going to wind up as Chicken and Broccoli and we NEVER see them again! A couple of nights later Superman goes and visits Jason, gives him Jor-El’s Speech to him while Lois tries to work on an editorial asking “Why does the world need a Superman?” as Superman flies off letting Lois know he and her are cool and will be more in Jason’s life as well as be there for all of us. (Show ending of “Superman Returns”. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So that was Superman Returns and to be honest, it’s not the best Superman movie ever nor is it the worst! (Cut to Superman Returns as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I’ll give credit to Bryan Singer for trying to blend a lot of the older iterations of Superman into this one and tried to make something for a future that never came. A lot of the dialogue was good as was a lot of the actors in this movie, but the pacing of the story plodded along like a man dragging a herd of dead cattle, the effects while good doesn’t hold up by today’s standards and everything that didn’t work shows in every second of film. My advice, if you are really bored and there’s truly nothing else to watch, I strongly recommend this movie for those who have nothing better to do for a couple of hours and hope to enjoy a relatively good Superman movie. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and… (A Phone rings off screen) My last nerve just committed suicide (James walks off for two seconds.) WHAT?! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’ studio)

Lindsay Nagel exec:
Everyone hates our movie. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
No, it’s your movie and it shows, I was reading and watching reviews, I’m not surprised by what happened so as far as I’m concerned. You set yourself up for failure and I am not wasting any of my time on your dreck! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’ studio)

Lindsay Nagel exec:
Well, you’re going to have to because I sent a copy of the movie to you. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
What? (Two voices cry to James as he grabs his tranquilizer guns, walks off the sound of two tranquilizer guns go off as James grabs the mail and says off screen “Uh-Oh!” and Fade to black)

The "Wonder" of the DCEU

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2016 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James morphing into his new suit for the first time, James getting slapped by Paulo, Mr. B Natural pop jump cutting into frame as James grabs Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid as they scream in terror, Traci Hines shooting the Double Barreled handgun, Everyone trying to stop Eliza Dushku from using her switchblade knife on an unconscious Spoony,  James blast jumps and Eliza rolls out of the way as an electrical pulse knocks out everyone else before cutting to the clip of The Moviebusters pulling out their Proton Pack blasters until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows the team line-up of the majority of 2015 walking towards the screen as the camera rises over to see the American Flag and James’ signal in the sky as before cutting to James as he jumps and pulls out a sonic screwdriver before cutting over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Ed Champion, Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his Office)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The Views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. It is time once again to bend the rules as I talk about yet ANOTHER movie in theaters as we speak! (Cut to the “Wonder Woman” 2017 logo and a sound alike to the 1970’s Wonder Woman TV series plays in the background before cutting to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): While “Superman: Man Of Steel”, “Superman v Batman: Dawn Of Justice” were two strikes towards the DCEU and “Suicide Squad” more like a foul ball. This movie makes up for all of that, in one fell stroke. This movie revived my hope that the DCEU can succeed! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: So, let’s get into “Wonder Woman” and see why that is. (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The movie begins in Themyscira as we see Diana, Princess of Themyscira once again played by Gal Gadot growing up and being trained by her Aunt Antiope played by Robin Wright against the wishes of Diana’s mother Queen Hippolyta played by Connie Nielson. But one day A plane carrying Steve Trevor played by Chris Pine crashes onto the shores of Themyscira and unfortunately brings in the soldiers of the Kaiser to the shores of Themyscira. (A battle ensues between the soldiers, The Amazons with Steve Trevor fighting for The Amazons as Lightning strikes the Island as The Blockbuster Buster lands and all hell breaks loose as he goes after everything from the Amazons, Diana, Steve, and the soldiers of the Kaiser before cutting to James in his office.)

TLOTA: WHAT IN THE NAME OF ZEUS’ BUTTHOLE ARE YOU DOING HERE E-ROD?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE WITH THE DCEU ONCE AND FOR ALL! (Cut to the recreated clips of the movie with The Blockbuster Buster in there)

Queen Hippolyta (Played by Olivia Horvath): NEVER SAY THE NAME OF ZEUS IN VAIN AND AS FOR YOU ANSWER HIM, WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU HERE?

The Blockbuster Buster: A Fair question my Queen allow me to introduce myself. Greetings Fanboys and Fangirls I’m E-Rod and I’m The Blockbuster Buster and I am about to do what Warner Brothers and DC Comics won’t do because they love money more than the fans, scrap this entire universe and reboot it the right way. No Superman snapping Zod’s Neck, no whiny douches crying “MARTHA!”, no Suicide Squad, not even this movie will happen! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Look E-Rod I understand WHY you are done with the DCEU but to go so far as take down the best movie of the year which was directed by the same director as “Monster” all because it’s in a movie universe you don’t want to succeed and blacklisted, Isn’t this a little too much? Even for you? (Cut to the recreated clips of the movie with The Blockbuster Buster in there)

The Blockbuster Buster: You may have a point but right now, as much as DC means to me and as much as it pains me to do this, the rage of the fans being unleashed on bad movies must be done! The DCEU must die! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: You’re going over the line and now it’s time for me to join the fray! (Cut to James as he goes to the vault behind ORAC’s Chamber and grabs a vortex manipulator and sets the coordinates to the movie and lands in the movie.)

TLOTA: I WON’T LET YOUR BLIND HATRED DESTROY THIS MOVIE E-ROD!

The Blockbuster Buster: I’d rather have every single theater play the MCU for all eternity than let one more movie from this dark and desaturated universe.

TLOTA: Look around before you pre-judge a book by its cover Blockbuster Buster. There’s color, there’s beauty in more ways than one there’s vibrancy where is it in the MCU now? That universe is so shattered yet you’ll keep giving it money to basically criminalize heroism? (The Blockbuster Buster looks around and sees the color and vibrancy James sees)

The Blockbuster Buster: I want to see what you’re seeing but Zack Snyder destroyed my desire in this!

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): And you two are destroying the pacing of the movie.

The Blockbuster Buster: What pacing?

TLOTA: Excuse my associate! (James gives The Blockbuster Buster a wedgie and drags him towards a rock as the battle resumes off screen as James looks and The Blockbuster Buster doesn’t care)

TLOTA: Now to this movie’s credit I like the movie being set World War I instead of World War II which was a smart move on DC’s part. It subverts the “World War II was the Start of the Superheroes” trope and if E-Rod watched this movie instead of being an obstinate Jack-Ass in never seeing another DCEU movie he might be enjoying this as much as I am!

Blockbuster Buster: You know if I gave a flying frog’s fart about this movie, I’d say that this would be an interesting twist on the origin story. (Cut to images of the first Comic Book appearance of “Wonder Woman” as The Blockbuster Buster and James do a voiceover)

Blockbuster Buster (Voiceover): As everyone knows that the character originated in Second World War, as a matter of fact every well-known TRUE DC and Marvel Superhero started out in the Second World War.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Well believe it or not I like this change it eschews the overused Second World War and focuses it on the First War that sent everyone in the World straight to hell! (Cut back to the recreated movie as A WWI German Soldier played by Andrew Beach is seen coming their way as James ducks and lands on The Blockbuster Buster. The Soldier gets up as James superkicks The WWI German Soldier) Heads up there, E-Rod! (Cut to later in the movie as Steve Trevor is being interrogated by the Amazons and James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie they’re in.)

TLOTA: After that awesome moment, we discover what Steve’s mission statement is.

Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): I am a Spy for the good guys to stop the bad guys from taking over the world in this the World War! I have vital information to end the War before more innocent Women, Children and Men die. (Cut to later in the recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie they’re in.)

TLOTA: Apparently, he found a book of a chemical composition of a deadlier version of Mustard Gas made by a Dr. Poison played by Elena Anaya and he must return to the world of man to give the book to his superiors! After a brief conversation Hippolyta decides that the best course of Action is not to react.

Hippolyta (Played by Olivia Horvath): It is far too dangerous for us to be involved in Man’s World War!

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): And what are we to do with this Steve Trevor?

Amazonian #1 (Played by Renee Miller): I say we castrate him with our dullest weapon, tie him up to a column and beat on him with his own innards! (Others including James and The Blockbuster Buster looking on in Horror at the thought before cutting back to the Amazonian) Is something wrong my Queen?

Hippolyta (Played by Olivia Horvath): It was far too quick and violent a suggestion!

Amazonian #1 (Played by Renee Miller): Just the first thought given to me in my head, that was all my Queen! (Cut to The Blockbuster Buster and James)

TLOTA: Shut up E-Rod! However, Diana believes who maybe the cause of this war.

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Mother, I believe this war is the work of Ares, If I were to go, I could stop him with the Godslayer and bring peace to the World.

Hippolyta (Played by Olivia Horvath): No, as much as bringing peace to Man’s World and ending Ares would do good, I cannot allow you to go and as for this Steve Trevor his fate shall be dealt with later.

(Cut to later in the recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie they’re in.)

TLOTA: Worried that if Ares isn’t dealt with quickly, Diana chooses to defy her mother.

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Steve Trevor, go down to the docks not too far from where I found you.

Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): What are you to do?

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I must prepare for the end of Ares if he is who you say he is. (Cut to Diana grabbing her shield, The Godslayer and her “Wonder Woman” outfit before reaching the Docks as James, The Blockbuster Buster and Steve Trevor wait in the boat.)

TLOTA: Just as Diana nearly got away with getting Steve out of Themyscira without hesitation. (Audio of Horses Neigh) Right on Cue! Oh, Hai Hippolyta! (An arrow zings James micrometers away from James’ waving hand and James gasps and The Blockbuster Buster’s hair gets center parting!)

Amazonian #1 (Played by Renee Miller): First shot was the warning! Speak and act so pertinent to The Queen Of The Amazons again and I guarantee I shall not miss! AM I TO BE UNDERSTOOD?! (Cut to James, Steve and The Blockbuster Buster as they cover up their private parts)

TLOTA, The Blockbuster Buster & Steve Trevor (In Unison): OF COURSE, WE UNDERSTAND MA’AM! (Cut to Diana and Hippolyta.)

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Mother I know of the consequences of doing this but it is what you would do were you in my place.

Hippolyta (Played by Olivia Horvath): I also know that if you leave Themyscira, you can never return. But seeing as you are packed and ready to go I wish the best for you in your journey in Man’s world and carry this with you, it belonged to Antiope one of the greatest Amazons I’ve ever known. The greatest being you my daughter!

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Goodbye Mother.

(The Boat leaves the Dock as it cuts to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro and return to the reenacted scenes of the movie while James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie they’re in)

TLOTA: On the boat ride to England Steve discovers a little too much for his own good about Diana’s origin.

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I was made from Clay that my mother found and I was brought to life by Zeus himself.

Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): So, you have no idea about….

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): When it comes to procreation, men are essential, but for pleasure, not necessary.

Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): Okay then, well let’s get some sleep.

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): But who will steer the ship?

Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): We’ll let the two Vaudevillians steer us for a while. (Cut to James and The Blockbuster Buster)

TLOTA: He means us, ROCKET!

The Blockbuster Buster: Well then…. (The Blockbuster Buster pulls out “Lucille”) Time to sink the ship! (James pulls out a Sonic Screwdriver)

TLOTA: Delta Level Defense! (The Blockbuster Buster gets knocked unconscious and James steers the ship before cutting to when the group reaches London)

TLOTA: They finally arrive in London and Steve meets up with Etta Candy played by Lucy Davis and they decide to help Diana survive Jolly London Town incognito.

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): How does one fight in such clothing?

Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): The short version, they don’t.

TLOTA: And as much as it pains you Blockbuster Buster, I give the writers, director and actress Gal Gadot the credit for making this moment entertaining because under the wrong circumstances this could’ve been very bad comedy but she eventually does find herself donning a disguise and they get the book to the Allied Forces and Diana helps translate the book. It does seem to make sense in the case of Gal Gadot and again she pulls off Wonder Woman PERFECTLY!

The Blockbuster Buster: Oh really, how could she?

TLOTA: She served in the Israeli Defense Forces! (Cut to stills of Gal Gadot in “Fast & Furious” movies and her two recent outings as Wonder Woman as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And when you think about it, you need to have Army Discipline when you do these movies and Gal Gadot had that and used it when she was in the “Fast And Furious” movies and she also was able to show in the role of Gisele she had the ability to act! So, when they came to her with the role of Diana Prince AKA Wonder Woman, it literally was a no brainer for them to bring her on. (Cut to James and The Blockbuster Buster as James forces The Blockbuster Buster to walk alongside Diana and Steve walk through London.)

TLOTA: Besides there have been very few interpretations that were bad so it is nearly impossible to screw it up! (Cut to Stills of past performers of “Wonder Woman” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Of course, the Lynda Carter version IS the most recognizable and iconic for a reason, she embodied all the positive aspects of the Character of Wonder Woman. But just as great as Lynda Carter’s version should be the ones from “The Super Friends” series and of course Susan Eisenberg from the DC Bruce Timm animated universe in Justice League and Justice League Unlimited as well as her performances in the DCAU films. Even Xena actress Lucy Lawless was amazing in the DCAU film “Justice League: The New Frontier” and Keri Russell in the 2009 standalone Wonder Woman animated movie was incredible because they got the character. I can think of very few instances in which the Character was given a disservice like when Adrienne Palicki’s pilot was not even done and they scrapped it before they even gave it a chance or even the Cathy Lee Crosby made for TV movie done in 1974 those are the few times I felt the character was given any sort of disservice. (Cut to the recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie they’re in.)

TLOTA: At any rate after Steve gives the info to his superiors, Diana and Steve rallies a team of people like Steve to help Diana get to the front and stop Ludendorff and Dr. Poison.

Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): So, what do you say? Will you assist me and my associate Diana on getting her to the front to help end the War?

Sameer (Played by John Ross Santos): Absolutely!

Charlie (Played by Ed Champion): Aye, I’ll help you and the lass out fella!

Chief (Played by Paulo Fonseca): I will help you too, Kemosabe!

TLOTA: We’re with you too!

The Blockbuster Buster: The Hell I am! (James knocks out The Blockbuster Buster)

TLOTA: Like I said! We’re in! (Cut to later in the recreated movie as The Blockbuster Buster wakes up in the Trenches in the Village of Veld along with everyone else)

TLOTA (Shouting over the shots and explosions): SO, OUR TEAM MAKES IT TO THE VILLAGE OF VELD AND HONESTLY THIS IS POSSIBLY THE MOST BAD-ASS MOMENT IN THE MOVIE AS WONDER WOMAN DECIDES TO TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE SOLDIERS OF THE KAISER AND TO THE CREDIT OF THE DIRECTOR IT’S POSSIBLY THE GREATEST MOMENT OF THE MOVIE BECAUSE IT NOT ONLY SHOWS ONE OF THE GREAT BATTLE OF THE WAR BUT ALSO ITS HORRORS WITHOUT HOLLYWOOD GLAMORIZING IT!

Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): YOU ARE NOT GOING OUT THERE! IT IS FREAKING NO MAN’S LAND!

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I AM AN AMAZON! WHO SAID I WAS A MAN?!

TLOTA (Shouting over the shots and explosions): I’M COMING WITH YOU! SO IS HE!

The Blockbuster Buster (Shouting over the shots and explosions): OH REALLY, I’M SAYING THIS RIGHT NOW! NO! WAY! IN! HELL!

TLOTA (Shouting over the shots and explosions): THEN YOU CAN STAY HERE AND BE A COWARD OR YOU CAN GO OUT THERE AND HERO UP! (The Blockbuster Buster thinks for two seconds as Wonder Woman climbs up the ladder before cutting to the outside of the trench as a beam of light is seen before cutting to the enemy trenches and them looking on in wonder as Wonder Woman climbs out and a being of light jumps out of the trench and joins her which becomes James Faraci The Last Of The Americans in his Battle mode and The Blockbuster Buster flies out of the trench as well, the German Colonel played by Andrew Beach shouts “OPEN FIRE” in German and they open fire as Wonder Woman deflects the bullets and James deflects them with the Sword Of Caliverti and The Blockbuster Buster uses the lightning from the hammer to attack as the German soldiers continue their offensive as in the background as 2:36-2:58 of “American Bad Ass” by Kid Rock plays before the audio cuts to the first lyrics and first chorus then the final chorus of “American Bad Ass” by Kid Rock plays as the three go on the attack using their arsenal before the troops in the trenches move forward heroically ending with James using his 303 Lee Enfield British Rifle to shoot several The German soldiers then using his sword to Blockbuster Buster’s hammer attack on him and redirect it through the Enemy Trenches before cutting to The Blockbuster Buster grabbing the Hammer in the Village of Veld after the sniper in the Church is sent hurdling through the sky)

The Blockbuster Buster: Busted!

(Cut to later in the recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie they’re in.)

TLOTA: After the Village of Veld is saved by Wonder Woman and her team, a photo-op occurs that leads to the photo that is in the prologue before the first act and is the reason why the movie begins in the first place! Smile Blockbuster Buster!

The Blockbuster Buster: NEVER! (James clenches his fist!) Okay! I’ll smile! (Cut to the photo as The Blockbuster Buster flips James off as he’s forced to smile in the photo and James holding up the Peace sign before cutting to later in the recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie.)

TLOTA: That night, Diana and Steve enjoy a tender moment in which they dance.

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): This is not dancing, this is simply swaying to the music as a matter of fact Blockbuster Buster hand me your phone!

The Blockbuster Buster: Fine! But I better get it back! (The Blockbuster Buster gives Diana his smartphone and discovers a video for the Blockbuster Buster to enjoy.) Wow James, is that you getting down to “Uptown Funk”?

TLOTA: Yep that is from my sister’s wedding and I am not ashamed of how I can bust a move!

The Blockbuster Buster: HOLY MOLY CANOLI! You are a dancing fool! Emphasis on the FOOL! (Steve Trevor clocks The Blockbuster Buster with the butt of the gun before cutting to later in the recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie)

TLOTA: Sometime later Diana looking rather ravishing believes that General Ludendorff played by Danny Huston is in fact Ares and he has to be finished and trust me he’s already been through enough he was the a-hole who gave Wolverine his Adamantium.

The Blockbuster Buster: What are you talking about?

TLOTA: A reference to the actor who plays Ludendorff, never mind that we get this moment between Diana and Steve.

Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): Okay, are you sure that Ludendorff is Ares?

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Do you doubt my judgement?

Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): No, I don’t doubt your judgement, I just want to make sure all the ducks are in a row, because he’s the link to finding the chemical lab and stopping Dr. Poison.

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Oh great, Ares got away from me thanks to you.

 Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): Well maybe he’s not Ares. (A loud explosion is heard and felt before cutting to James and The Blockbuster Buster)

The Blockbuster Buster: What in the Wide World Of Sports was that?

TLOTA: The lethal weapon made by Dr. Poison and Ludendorff. Wiped the entire village of Veld right off the map! (Cut to Diana and Steve on the outskirts of the Village of Veld)

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I could’ve stopped him! Why did you not let me stop him? I see in you the same thing in the German Soldiers. I must go alone from this moment forward. (Cut to later in the recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie)

TLOTA: Diana eventually gets to General Ludendorff and… (The Sound of the Godkiller going through human flesh and metal before we see parallels between Wonder Woman and the real Ares played by Eric Kurtzke in Suit and between James and The Blockbuster Buster.)

The Blockbuster Buster: Well that settles this movie is garbage, The DCEU is permanently blacklisted and I must now destroy everything about The DCEU to give it the proper reboot.

TLOTA: Okay, I’ve had it, alright I admit it that yes, the DCEU started out in a rough patch, When Superman snapped Zod’s neck, I was surprised but it gave Zod the ultimate win. Does it mean Superman is a cold-blooded killer? Hell no! Should Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice and Suicide Squad not have been released? You bet your tiny little kiester! Should you give the DCEU one more break OH HELL YES!

The Blockbuster Buster: You Idiotic Italian Imbecile, you need someone to set your brains to the real world the DCEU is a failure it needs to be destroyed and rebooted. Screw the money Warner Brothers and DC would lose, I want the DC Movies to be better than this crap and the fact that you would defend this garbage should force me to revoke your status as an Internet Reviewer.

TLOTA: Coming from someone who constantly reviews Michael Bay’s Transformers movies you don’t have a leg to stand on! Because guess what, saying that The Transformers movies stink and no one should ever watch these movies because you don’t like them is something I can get behind, but guess what Estúpido, people are still going and knowing that they’re going to watch because you don’t like the movies but you haven’t blacklisted The Transformers movies because…. Yeah, I thought so no comeback on that one. Why don’t you review The Last Knight so the idiots can waste their money on the same rehashed film instead of giving something different a chance like say this movie. No wonder the Legion Of Bad-Assitude is turning its back on you! (The Blockbuster Buster smacks James out of frame as Ares sends Wonder Woman flying out of frame.)

The Blockbuster Buster: TAKE IT BACK OR I WILL BUST YOU! (Wonder Woman and James come back into frame and say “BRING IT ON!” as both groups fight and an instrumental of the Megas XLR main theme is playing in the foreground and James hold off all the attacks from The Blockbuster Buster and Diana is barely holding her own against Ares! The Blockbuster Buster tries to use the Lightning to electrocute James but he uses Aeon’s ring to deflect the power and uses it to strengthen Wonder Woman as she goes up against Ares with both couples being knocked down. James starts to get up a little winded and pops his left arm back into place and howls like an ape as The Blockbuster Buster gets up as well.)

The Blockbuster Buster (Exhausted and slurred): Why… Why the hell are you still fighting? Fighting for the DCEU is a losing battle.

TLOTA (Exhausted and slurred): It’s not over until it’s over!

The Blockbuster Buster (Exhausted and slurred): It was over by Batman V Superman Dawn of the cluster dumb.

TLOTA (Exhausted and slurred): I’ll admit it, it wasn’t the best movie I ever saw but there was some good in it. I still think there is hope for the DCEU. While there’s life there’s hope.

The Blockbuster Buster (Exhausted and slurred): Listen to me The DCEU is done let it die already!

TLOTA (Exhausted and slurred): That doesn’t sound like The Blockbuster Buster, it sounds like the DCEU’s audience.

The Blockbuster Buster (Exhausted and slurred): I must have hit you a little too hard! You’re not making sense

TLOTA (Exhausted and Slurred): Allow me to show you! (James pulls out the Sword of Caliverti) Sword of Caliverti show The Blockbuster Buster the darkness inside him! Give him sight… beyond… sight! (The Blockbuster Buster’s eyes turn white as he sees his complaining about the DCEU and slowly seeing him devolve into a Troll with every complaint and comment as the music for Thundercats “Sight Beyond Sight” plays throughout before returning to the recreated movie)

The Blockbuster Buster: Oh god, is that inside me?

TLOTA: It’s in all of us! It’s how we control what is inside that either makes us to do better or be completely miserable creatures on the internet. So, what do you say, we help Wonder Woman stop Ares together. (James extends his hand before cutting to The Blockbuster Buster)

The Blockbuster Buster: Together! (The two shake hands and the final notes in the “Justice League Unlimited” theme plays as the two join Diana as Ares continues to fight her. James hits Ares with the combined power of his four artifacts and it barely fazes The God of War. The Blockbuster Buster throws Lucille with every ounce of power he has dropping the God of War like a bad habit in the process knocking the helmet off Ares but shattering the head of the Hammer in the process.)

The Blockbuster Buster: My Hammer, it’s destroyed! Okay Ares prepare to… (The Blockbuster Buster turn see the face of Ares is the same as his!) Lazarus Dark, I thought you were gone for good. (Ares chuckles evilly)

Ares (Vocally by James in his lowest tone): You fool, I am you fully realized! I am the true Blockbuster Buster and I shall show you the truth! (Ares grabs both The Blockbuster Buster and Wonder Woman and shows them the ideal worlds they want.)

Ares (voiceover done vocally by James in his lowest tone): Behold what man is capable of! But what can happen if you give yourselves to me! Peace amongst the peoples of the world, movies with characters from Marvel succeeding in the movies and DC in the Television, no more fear of death, no more worry of limits, all shall be good! (Cut to James as he gets through the protective shielding and knocks Ares away with the powers of the artifacts and James deciding on who to save first as it looks like The Blockbuster Buster and Wonder Woman are turning black and dying with James deciding to save Wonder Woman first as he mind melds with Wonder Woman as it cuts to Diana’s fantasy world)

TLOTA (Echoing audio only): Diana…. Diana…. Diana, I am going to show you the truth… the truth… the truth hidden in the lies... the lies… the lies… the lies. (The fantasy fades to reality to when Steve and Diana were together for the last time and they say their lines in silence and as he sacrifices himself and Diana shouts silently “STEVE” before she nearly kills Dr. Poison played by Brenda Fonseca by dropping a tank onto Dr. Poison.)

TLOTA (Echoing audio only): He died believing in you… in you… in you! You must not let his death be in vain… in vain… in vain.  Fight the lies with the love you believe in… believe in… believe in. The love Steve believed in is in you Diana… Diana… Diana. Don’t let the lies kill that love… that love… that love. (Cut back to James and Diana as she is revived as the two scrambles to get to The Blockbuster Buster as he mumbles out loud about what he’s seeing)

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Your friend, Is he? (James pulls out his Tri-corder)

TLOTA: He’s fading. I can save him. Save the world with the love inside you and the love Steve had for you.

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Thank you, my friend! (Wonder Woman runs out of frame as James mind melds as it cuts to James in The Blockbuster Buster’s fantasy world)

TLOTA (Echoing audio only): E-Rod…. E-Rod…. E-Rod, I am going to show you the truth… the truth… the truth hidden in the lies... the lies… the lies… the lies. (Cut to the inside of the Multiplex The Blockbuster Buster is standing inside of his fantasy world before zooming into a theater in the Multiplex as we see a couple played by Paulo and Brenda Fonseca disgusted by Captain America: Civil War.)

Joel (played by Paulo Fonseca): This is Garbage! I enjoyed “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” more than I did this.

Mary (played by Brenda Fonseca): And didn’t you dislike that and “X-Men: Apocalypse”?

Joel (played by Paulo Fonseca): Yeah, but I’m avoiding “The Avengers” movies because I know it’s bad. I hope DC can finally return to the big screens. (The Camera moves away from the Couple watching “Captain America: Civil War” to a couple in another theater watching “Spider-Man 3” played by Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun)

Mike (Played by Nick Yaun): God this is so dumb!

Bridget (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I know, I’d KILL just to see Superman taking on Zod again or hell see if DC can keep up with Marvel and their Cinematic universe. (The Camera moves away from the Couple watching “Spider-Man 3” to a group of friends in another theater in the lower level watching “Elektra” played by John Santos, Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach)

Kevin (Played by John Santos): This movie sucks!!

Bill (Played by Mike Santos): Yeah, I would kill for a real superheroine movie.

Frank (Played by Eric Kurtzke): Even Wonder Woman would be better than this awful movie

Kinga (Played by Renee Miller): She could be done well

Synthia (Played by Olivia Horvath): I know it’ll be better than this dreck and it will be much more entertaining.

Trace (Played by Ed Champion): We need something that must be better.

Jonah (Played by Andrew Beach): We all hope that way! (The Camera moves away frenetically moving along the Theater in the lobbies as “A Good Man” by Murray Gold from 1:08-3:21 plays in the foreground.)

The Blockbuster Buster (Audio only): I see inside your head! I know how you think James! I see people tired of the bland and overdone! I see the want for something better with what is there! I see not the rage but something stronger than fanboy rage! I see the truest forces of good in any fandom there is. Faith, Love and… (A Bright light shines before cutting back to the two as The Blockbuster Buster opens his eyes)

The Blockbuster Buster: Hope! (James reaches out his hand to The Blockbuster Buster and The Blockbuster Buster reciprocates as James picks him up. The Blockbuster Buster reaches out as the Handle to his hammer comes to him then he does his Hammer twirling before seeing the head of the hammer is reformed!) Thank you, James! You restored hope to me! Now let’s use hope, faith and love of the fandoms and vanquish that dark demonic deity once and for all! (James and The Blockbuster Buster Smiles happily before the music cuts to “The Majestic Tale (of An Idiot With a Box)” by Murray Gold as the Two join in Diana as they take on Ares attacking with everything they have inside as the power of the Hope in The Blockbuster Buster supercharges his blasts to Ares shattering his armor into oblivion with Lucille, the power of Faith in James Faraci The Last Of The Americans as he uses the combined forces of the Artifacts to weaken Ares as he takes on the face and body of Zack Snyder played by Paulo Fonseca and Love inside Wonder Woman as she sends one of Ares’ lightning bolts back onto him before cutting to James and The Blockbuster Buster as they combine their strengths inside and channel it into Wonder Woman)

Ares (Vocally by James in his lowest tone): WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

TLOTA: WE COMBINE THE FAITH OF THE FANBOYS AND FANGIRLS INTO THIS ONE!

The Blockbuster Buster: WE COMBINE THE HOPE OF FANBOYS AND FANGIRLS INTO THIS ONE!

“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): AND THOUGH THE POWER OF LOVE INSIDE OF ME, I DIANA OF THEMYSCIRA DAUGHTER OF HIPPOLYTA VANQUISH YOU ARES TO THE DEPTHS OF HADES FROM WHENCE YOU CAME! FARETHEEWELL MY BROTHER! (Diana clashes her bracelets together and disintegrates Ares down on a sub-sub-sub atomic level as Ares shouts “NO!” and a flash of light is seen before cutting to James and The Blockbuster Buster in James’ Studio.)

The Blockbuster Buster: So where are we in the movie now?

TLOTA: We’re not, we’re back in my Studio.

The Blockbuster Buster: Huh, not a bad place.  Why haven’t I been here before?

TLOTA: You were in your Blockbuster Buster sleep for my annual Christmas Party or however you do what you do now when you take a break. Look I know I can’t convince you to give The DCEU the last chance I’m giving it because it deserves it and Wonder Woman gave me the chance to believe in the hope that the DCEU can be salvaged! (Cut to recreated clips of “Wonder Woman” and stills of the other DCEU as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And for many I understand why they think the DCEU is beyond salvation but me personally, if you forget Suicide Squad, Man Of Steel & Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice happened and give this one a watch, you’ll see why. The story is amazing, the acting is incredibly on point, the action is fifty times better than anything Michael Bay could do at his worst, the directing is amazing and there is something that nearly makes me believe the DCEU is watchable. That’s a miracle in itself. As a standalone movie it truly, truly works. As the last hope of the DCEU, it does its job right enough to do so. If this review gives some poor guy who has had it with comic book movies the ability to enjoy the DCEU and they feel it deserves that one last chance then I strongly suggest you go for it and see this movie for yourself. See it in the theaters, get it on Blu-Ray, DVD, and Digital HD Download and finally see the Spark of hope being kindled in the DCEU at last. (Cut to James and the Blockbuster Buster in James’ office)

The Blockbuster Buster: I see where you are coming from James. But I cannot and shall not take it off the blacklist they disappointed me one too many times!

TLOTA: Okay, E-Rod, how about this, let the fanboys and fangirls decide whether you should see it or not and if you see it and enjoy it. Will you finally relent into taking the DCEU OFF your blacklist?

The Blockbuster Buster: Maybe. But until next time I’m E-Rod and I’m The Blockbuster Buster! Allons-Y! (The Blockbuster Buster snaps his fingers and flies into James’ DVD collection and “The Three Stooges” movie from 2012 movie and it smacks into James and he grabs it off the floor.)

TLOTA: Hmm, I might get a good review out of this pile of crap that bears the name of the Comedic Icons. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That’s my opinion!