Reality Checkout: Wrestling with "Wreality"

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
In 2017, I covered one singular Wrestling Reality TV star Eva Marie, who I heard has gone on to move past her reality tv star status to become a sunglasses/fashion designer and to that I say good for her to find her niche outside of her reality tv fame. But at the time she was, in my opinion, only famous for being a "Wrestler" in title only on Reality TV, that's only because I never saw her as a wrestler, I saw her as a reality tv star and thankfully she's not... (Cut to a still of Eva Marie in "Celebrity Big Brother 2" as James shouts "SON OF A BITCH!" before cutting to James Physically). WHY...ARE... YOU... DOING THIS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMARTER THAN TO DO THIS?! THEN YOU PROVE ME RIGHT BY BEING IN THIS? YOU... YOU... REALITY TV STAR! (James sighs) But I guess it didn't hurt that my memories reminded me specifically that Reality TV and WWE have been together for quite a while! (Cut to clips of "Tough Enough" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA(Voiceover):
"Tough Enough" was meant to highlight newer talent that the WWE could get behind and show what goes on behind "Sports Entertainment". However after a few years on MTV the series ended there with only a few truly talented superstars being recognized in WWE as well as in Pro-Wrestling. So soon after they reformatted the concept to a challenge on WWE's Raw and Smackdown brands which didn't last long in that format. Then came the third and fourth revival attempt and if you know who went on to succeed, then let me know in the comment section. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
However one name that had something of a legacy before he was on reality tv was... One moment (James walks away and whispers are heard in the background for a few seconds before coming back into frame) Okay, just needed some clarity because for a while the name I'm about to say was blacklisted for a while but apparently time has forgiven my next example... (Cut to clips of Hulk Hogan's legendary career as "Real American" by Rick Derringer plays in the foreground and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Hulk Hogan is considered a legend. Back in the 1980's and 1990's his career was unrivaled by anyone. When he was in the WWE then known as the WWF he turned Pro-Wrestling from bar room fare to family friendly entertainment holding the Championship several times throughout the 1980's. Making a name for himself at WrestleMania 3 as he took on Andre The Giant. When the Hulkster jumped from WWF to the then rival WCW in the mid-1990's he helped keep wrestling going after one of the best Heel turns in the biz when he, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash formed the n.W.o. However by the late 2000's, Hulk's career in the ring started to wind down a bit and he needed to find a new niche for his career. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And sadly when he found it, his career and personal life went the way of the territory days of Pro Wrestling. That moment happened when he appeared on Reality TV! (Cut to the intro of "Hogan Knows Best" before cutting to clips of "Hogan Knows Best" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Hogan Knows Best" showed the fans of Hogan a peek into Hogan's personal life ala "The Osbournes" and other reality shows of the same ilk. But the show had a secondary purpose to help Hulk's daughter Brooke start a career in music which went nowhere but downwards quickly and after the series ended things went south for Hogan in his real personal life, Linda had filed for Divorce from Hulk, his son Nick had been arrested on almost killing his friend with his reckless driving and as for Brooke? Well... (Cut to intro to "Brooke Knows Best" before cutting to clips of "Brooke Knows Best" as James continues his voiceover) "Brooke Knows Best" followed Brooke Hogan as she left her very destroyed family in an attempt to start fresh. While she did love her brother and parents, she had to have her own life and with cameras on her and her very long legs. Thankfully after a while Brooke realized that having the camera on her was a liability instead of being a detriment to her career and ended her relationship with Reality TV just as quickly as she started her attempt to bolster her career with "Brooke Knows Best". (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Her father on the other hand...Well... (Cut to clips of Hulk Hogan on any Reality TV show he hosted and or was associated with as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
He appeared on so many reality shows including a revamping of "American Gladiators" which was short lived, hosted an Z-List Celebrity challenge show called "Celebrity Challenge Wrestling" a brief appearance on another revamping of "Tough Enough" before some racial slurs blacklisted Hogan again, A small persons pro-wrestling league. Every single appearance on reality TV crippled his legacy, destroyed his legitimacy and turned Hulk Hogan from an Icon to a cartoonish caricature of who he used to be. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
No wonder he nearly contemplated eating a gun. If my legacy was demolished with every appearance in a genre of TV meant to basically look at humans and show us as the lowest rung on the evolutionary ladder, I'd want to end things as much as Hulk wanted to. But by the mid 2010's WWE needed something to help them return to prominence and as it was mentioned when I ripped Eva Marie for this the WWE went back to Reality TV on the same network that gave us the Kardashians! (Cut to intros to both "Total Divas" & "Total Bellas" before cutting to clips from those series as James does a voiceover about both series.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As I mentioned before in my Reality Checkout of Eva Marie, "Total Divas" was meant to be a  platform to help show what it was like for the women's division of the WWE then known as the "Divas" division and what it would be like for them in the world of Pro Wrestling in the WWE. Of course the breakout star in it's inception was Eva Marie. While eventually her career did end there with many a smark saying "Hallelujah", I eventually felt guilty for saying such a comment and I have since renounced my negative thoughts and emotions towards her. I'm not proud of what I said about her or how her career in the WWE ended but again I am glad that she has found her true career. But I digress, The success of "Total Divas" led to the spin off for Nikki and Brie Bella dubbed "Total Bellas" which looked at Nikki's relationship with John Cena and Brie's with her husband Daniel Bryan. While it did show what their personal relationships were like especially with Brie giving birth to her daughter Birdie it also showed the total destruction of not only the relationship between Nikki and Cena but also the downfall of John Cena's reputation with women as it showed him not only talking down to Nikki but shooting down all her hopes and dreams of a Happily Ever After which included marrying and starting a family with Cena. (Cut to clips of WWE as Miz attacks Cena and then clips of WrestleMania 33 as James continues his voiceover) But the tipping point that tipped me away from siding with Cena happened in a match at WrestleMania 33 in which the build up for the match included former Reality TV Star turned legitimate Wrestling Superstar Mike "The Miz" Mizanin having been eliminated by Cena in the Go Home Pay Per View before WrestleMania 33 and since then Miz took potshot after potshot at Cena. Miz even mocked his relationship with Nikki thanks to the help of Miz's real life wife and WWE Women's Superstar Maryse Ouellet Mizanin which culminated with a mixed tag match as Cena and his then girlfriend Nikki going up against Miz and Maryse. While the match was okay the ending was what sent me over in the most negative of reactions. (Show clip of John Cena proposing to Nikki Bella before cutting to James physically as he takes off his glasses.)

TLOTA:
Cena...HOW... DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU USE MIZ AND MARYSE IN YOUR ATTEMPT TO KEEP NIKKI BELLA AROUND WHEN YOU KNEW YOU WERE ON BORROWED TIME WITH HER! ANY GUY WITH HALF A BRAIN CELL AND A WORKING LIBIDO WOULD DO EVERYTHING FOR A WOMAN LIKE THAT AND THEY WOULD'VE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING FOR HER! AND YOU FRICKING CHOSE THE GRANDEST STAGE OF THEM ALL TO TRY A LAST DITCH GAMBIT TO MAKE IT WORK? WELL GUESS WHAT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT AND "SPOILERS" YOU DID YOUR BEST TO MAKE SURE IT WOULDN'T. HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN! YOU HAD A REAL GOOD THING AND THEN YOU MADE IT CRASH AND BURN ON NIKKI AND BRIE'S REALITY SHOW ON PURPOSE. JOHN CENA YOU ARE A DICK AND THERE WILL BE PROOF OF THAT THANKS TO YOU BEING A PART OF REALITY TV AND THE FACT THAT YOU HURT HER ON REALITY TV SHOULD BE YOUR ONE WAY TICKET TO A VINCE RUSSO LEVEL OF WRESTLING HELL TO WHICH YOU'LL BE STUCK IN FOR ALL ETERNITY! (Sighs) And what's worse... it dragged someone who got out of Reality TV back into it and he dragged his family in there as well, though admittedly his wife was already on "Total Divas" so... Just play the opening and I'll talk about it. (Cut to the Miz's shout of "AWESOME" as the opening credits of "Miz & Mrs." before cutting to clips of "Miz &  Mrs." as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Miz & Mrs" which like "Total Bellas" is a spinoff from "Total Divas" but this time centering on the married life of Mike "The Miz" Mizanin and his wife Maryse and in their very brief first season showed them moving out of their Los Angeles house dubbed Chateau MarMiz to Castle MarMiz aka their home in Houston Texas and in the midst of that Miz and Maryse had their daughter Monroe and for the most part is the least annoying of these Wrestling Reality but that's like saying the least annoying moment for Impact Wrestling in the past few years was Dixie Carter. The reason I gave up enjoying Wrestling full time. Now, don't get me wrong, it's bad but a likable type of bad. I mean I got a chuckle when Marjo blew up the implied nude photo of Miz and Maryse. I loved seeing the birth of Monroe Sky, Their journey to their new home in Austin when they accidentally left Marjo just hours away from their new home was enough to make me realize Miz can make as many mistakes like the rest of us. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But after watching all these Wrestling Reality series, I saw something that'd make Jim Cornette so harshly tear into Vince McMahon for this. Taking the talent he has and exposing their privacy. (Cut to clips of Reality TV starring Wrestling superstars as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Wrestling needs a bit of a mystery, reality shows basically shows the man behind the Wizard Of Oz  and in something like the WWE that's not good unless the mystery is there is no mystery. But still I think that with the veil is gone it takes a lot out of WWE not only in their performers but also in their show. I'm probably the only one to think this but when a Wrestler is no longer the character they are, they deserve the privacy to live the rest of their days in peace and privacy. Shoving a camera in the faces of these performers who no longer are the characters robs them of the little bit of decency left in the legends and basically robs the next generation of their momentum because it basically says "This image from Reality TV is who they are." unless they're The Miz and somehow they're able to turn their Reality TV star status into a necessary joke about who they were in the past and them saying "I am embarrassed to have that be someone's first impression of me because that is the joke. Who I am now is not that joke, who I am is here to perform in the ring and win the championship." (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Bottom Line Wrestling needs to check out of Reality TV! (Cut to a physical representation of Reality TV as it walks down the road as it gets RKO'd from out of nowhere as Michael Cole shouts "RKO! RKO!" before cutting to James physically) I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!

Cena & The "Blockers"

(Scene begins with an overhead shot of the Catskills and the “Xena” theme song plays in the foreground before cutting to a clip of the n.W.o 2002 WWE run as an announcer played by DukeCT says “In a time of returning ancient tribes.”, Brock Lesnar brutalizing everyone as an announcer played by DukeCT says “Monsters” and Triple H holding both the World Heavyweight and WWE Championship as an announcer played by DukeCT says “And men who would be kings!” and the WWE brand splitting for the first time as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A company divided cries out for a hero” as more matches play scenes of two different men getting prepared one with a pair of Jean Shorts the other a pair of contractor jeans. The First man preparing a colored shirt, the other putting on an American Flag shirt before cutting to the first man entering a ring who just so happens to be John Cena before cutting to an image of John Cena as he holds a championship and the words “Cena: Warrior Actor” an announcer played by DukeCT says, “He was Cena!” before cutting to a clip of John Cena running at full steam as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A mighty warrior forged in the challenge of competition!” before seeing John hit an AA on Edge and The Big Show before cutting to James Faraci as it cuts to James Faraci getting to his seat as the credit reads “Starring James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” before cutting to a clip of John Cena hits Edge with an AA at Unforgiven as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The intensity” before cutting to an image of Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun & Nick Yaun, John & Mike Santos, Ed Champion & Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath and Renee Miller as they see their names before cutting to James on the horseshoe couch as he plays a movie before cutting to John Cena’s Acting Repertoire as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The Actor” as more clips of John Cena’s Acting Repertoire before cutting to John Cena as he takes a butt bong of beer before cutting to James gets ready for another review as an announcer played by DukeCT says “His Reviews will change the internet forever!” before cutting to a blurred black and white image of John Cena holding the WWE Championship and the words “The Last Of The Americans” shimmer in before fading to Julia Alexa Miller in her apartment as she watches the news from James’ neck of the woods and how the protests have ground Sullivan County NY to a halt and how The Governor will allow the protests to continue before Julia Alexa Miller continues to watch the TV while listening to someone on the phone.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Yeah James, you’re right it’s not getting better for you and I think I saw Fleur, Ric and Audi in the protest. Excuse me for a moment… (Julia Alexa Miller puts James on hold before Julia Alexa Miller disappears before hearing a voice shouting from the TV shakes the apartment and the crowd is knocked out before Julia Alexa Miller returns) Sorry about… Oh, you saw. Well of course you can do the review here, Yep, your landing spot is ready, so how long before you get here?  (The sound of James’ time and space device is heard as Julia Alexa Miller turns around to get to the landing spot as James’ Time and Space Device exactly on the spot)

TLOTA:
Will right now work? (Julia Alexa Miller kisses James on the mouth)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Absolutely. (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller on a couch as the two relax)

TLOTA:
Thanks. I would’ve gone to my family, but they’d give me Tsouris and you deserve a medal for lasting a day with them.

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, your family is not that bad. (James gives Julia the “seriously” look) James, your parents and your siblings were joking on paying me off to end the relationship.

TLOTA:
You’re right besides my nieces were the nicest. I guess it doesn’t hurt that the twins are a few years older than you and they like you and little Vivian just blows my mind with everything that comes out of her mouth and usually their judgement I know are the best and I trust them the most. Probably a lot more than how their parents are doing it and how parents in teen comedies now a days. (Cut to the trailer title card of “Blockers” then cut to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover and 1:38-2:23 from “I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)” by Meatloaf plays in the foreground of the clips)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
“Blockers” had an interesting concept idea “What would happen if the kids from “American Pie” went on to have kids that wound up in the same situations exactly like their parents?” (Cut to James and Julia on the couch)

TLOTA:
Spoilers: They tried it! (James points to his left with his right hand as the poster of “American Reunion” is seen on James’ left side) And it didn’t work then

Julia Alexa Miller:
How are you able to do that? You know what never mind, I’ve got a lot to do and it’s gonna be stressful enough for me with you here and I need to clean this place up and… (James kisses Alex) Okay, that means I’ll do what I have to do and you’ll clean up and review “Blockers” (Cut to clips of “Blockers” as James does a voiceover and 1:38-2:23 from “I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)” by Meatloaf plays in the foreground of the clips.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Will this movie make me pine for the days in which Jim and the “American Pie” gang or will this even gross them out of ever doing another physical comedy movie ever again. (Cut to James in the Cleaning Supply Closet as he pulls out a vacuum)

TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any second, this is “Blockers” (A variety of mops and brooms land on James before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie begins we’re introduced to Julie, Kayla and Sam at their first day in school as their parents drop them off. The played by Leslie Mann, Ike Barenholtz and John Cena (The footage shakes as it cuts to an explosion as James grabs a fire extinguisher and puts out the fire as Julia Alexa Miller walks in to see the damage)

Julia Alexa Miller:
What in the hell happened?

TLOTA:
The plausibility of the movie exploded within the first minute and a half!

Julia Alexa Miller:
How? Just play the clip

TLOTA:
Okay (Cut to clip from “Total DIvas” of John Cena saying why he never wants kids before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The three parents and kids quickly bond as we then jump to the parents and the kids to their senior prom as Julie and her mom talk about what it’ll be for the two of them when the daughter goes off to college as we see John Cena eat his daughter’s underwear. (Cut to James as he shuts off the Vacuum.)

TLOTA:
Okay Universal movie, you do realize the Dark Universe collapsed under its own stupidity, if this is somehow is connected to it, I DON’T WANNA KNOW! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After an offensively bad remark on how he thinks he’s a bad parent and his wife thinks he’s being overprotective though granted I’d be in the same boat if I had a daughter. Kayla hits John with sports knowledge on what to do on the field and that calms Cena down for a bit as Julie comes to rather a typical conclusion that this prom night, she’s gonna do the nasty thing with her boyfriend and tells her two friends. (Cut to James as he puts up a mop)

TLOTA:
Oh wait, my weapons are back in New York so they’re not on Standby. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After hearing that her two friends decide to jump off the same cliff with her tonight, though hopefully with their own perspectives. Meanwhile Julie gets an acceptance letter from UCLA, Sam’s mom and stepfather are excited for their daughter on her prom night and worried about her friendship with Julie and Kayla. Speaking of Kayla well her parents are handling the fact she’s going to Prom well enough for a sports enthusiast. Meanwhile a messenger conversation that Julie is having with Austin winds up on a laptop! This is supposed to be a plot point! (Show clip of Kayla talking about how Coconut Oil is good for sex as it cuts to James falling off a ladder and the duster hitting James on the head)

TLOTA:
Okay if my nieces ever talked about that and I was within earshot, trust me they’d be hearing from me for a Looooooong time after hearing that! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Ike Barenholtz comes in with a limo for her daughter and her friends though Cena and Leslie Mann rip Ike a new one politely for being an absentee parent. Just as Cena sees his daughter’s Man bun wearing date. Trust me when I say, I know what’s going on in his head. A couple of slugs, a shovel and a piece of property that no one is interested in until the body has decayed to the point Forensic science will remain baffled and I can get away with it. Meanwhile Julie’s mom discovers her daughter’s laptop and the messenger conversation which gets the attention of not only Julie’s mom but Cena and Ike as well and Cena is well so blissfully ignorant that he well… (Show clip of John Cena as he thinks that it’s more innocent than it is before cutting to James as he puts away a step ladder)

TLOTA:
SIE SIND AUS DUMMKOPF GERMACHT! (Julia Alexa Miller walks in as she closes the door)

Julia Alexa Miller:
I see those German lessons have been paying off.

TLOTA:
I’ve been hearing it from my dad for a long time!

Julia Alexa Miller:
Well speaking of parents, mine will be here soon as well as the rest of my family. So, take a break, clean up because you smell like god knows what, then finish the review.

TLOTA:
Uh Quick question your family, do they know about…?

Julia Alexa Miller:
They know it all.

(James walks away chuckling and saying to himself “I’m a dead man!” over and over again as Julia Alexa Miller tries to comfort James as the scene fades to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to “Blockers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Knowing that their daughters are out to do the deed, our three parents have a breakdown then decide to team up in hopes of stopping them from becoming Prom Night Mommas! (Cut to clip of Cena and Mann as they overpower Ike and the three hit the road and Ike admits to the others his daughter is gay and Julie’s dad was an asshole before cutting to a freshly washed and cleaned James in a tee shirt and a towel)

TLOTA:
Ike, I hope in real life that you haven’t and will NEVER reproduce because I will feel so sorry for how messed up their lives are gonna be. (Julia Alexa Miller says that James’ clothes are on her bed and James walks out before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Sam, Kayla and Julie seem to enjoy the Prom as Kayla bluntly tells her date he plans on doing the deed in the most unsubtle of ways, Sam meets a girl and Julie gets to enjoy the prom. Just as the parents make their way to the prom our three teens bolt out of Prom and Cena goes on the hunt. After Ike sees his daughter kiss a guy Ike goes into hunting parent mode as well. Their first stop after the prom is to go to the house of Austin’s parents by Gary Cole and Gina Gershon who tells them about Kyler Montero’s Lake House. Before they get there, we get a chewing out by Cena’s wife. (The footage shakes as it cuts to an explosion as James grabs a fire extinguisher and puts out the fire as Julia Alexa Miller walks in to see the damage)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Again?!

TLOTA:
I’ll clean up the mess. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After a bait and switch the three parents get Kyler Montero’s address just as the three get to a party where a special Macaroon is served and Kayla indulges …(Cut to Kayla’s High Face as her eyes bug out as it cuts to James getting scared and hiding behind the couch and Julia Alexa Miller picks it up with ease)

Julia Alexa Miller:
What’s wrong?!

TLOTA (whispering):
The Face! The Face of nightmares! (Julia looks at Kayla’s High face)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Doesn’t look that scary!

TLOTA:
Just wait until I put the audio in and sync it up with Kayla's mouth, you’ll be behind this couch with me! (Cut to Kayla’s high face as her mouth animatedly moves and the audio of Judge Doom talking about how he killed Eddie Valliant’s Brother comes out of her mouth before cutting to James and Julia looking scared trying to peer out to look before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After that bit of nightmare rocket fuel, our three parents make it to Kyler’s in hopes of doing what needs to be done just as the moment in which Julie tries to recreate the American Beauty Sex Scene, thanks for the image of… You know what, I’m going to show some Decorum and not finish the obvious Kevin Spacey Joke because it’s not worth it. But apparently the three parents are there discover Connor bakes drugs into all his food and its butt beer chugging time! (Cut to John Cena’s reaction as he butt chugs and his daughter thinks she’s hallucinating before cutting to James and Julia as they have a disturbed look)

TLOTA:
YOU GAVE ME “WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?” VIETNAM FLASHBACK! YOUR DAD IS BUTT CHUGGING BEER AND YOU THINK YOU’RE TRIPPING?! YOU NEED HELP! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After the cops come, Ike takes Cena’s Butt Beer to the face and our three wannabe teen moms get the hell out of there and Cena becomes funnier as this thing goes on, that’s a miracle! (Show clip of Cena being funny before cutting back to the movie) The three decide to hit the speed to stop the Limo which everyone in there is tossing their cookies and our parents wind up… well upended and stuck in the ditch. Meanwhile our three discover that their parents are PISSED as hell. Julie takes the initiative to nip their parents in the bud. (Cut to the conversation as Julie tells her mom off.) After that Julie’s mom tells the two other parents she might die alone. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
You will not die alone, but (James points to his right with his left hand and it shows a picture of John Cena) he will! Especially after how his last relationship ended. (Cut to the movie as Ike tells the two how messed up his life is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Okay dude, no offense but if you were any kind of man, you would’ve been more mature and handled things better when the kimchi hit the fan! Anyway, the three get back to finding their kids after their ride explodes. They grab Austin’s dad’s phone after some unusually bizarre antics. (Cut to the parents as Ike and Cena mouth their words before cutting to James on Julia’s Couch.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
T-Minus 30 minutes before my parents get here! (James mouths “I’m Doomed!” as the words are in the same text as the movie’s before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Our three make it to the hotel party just as their parents do and the search begins. Julie’s night of hooking up begins just as her mom is under the bed hearing everything. Cena goes door to door to door to give Connor an Attitude Adjustment he’ll never forget except the fact Kayla and Manbun never did the deed! Cena and Kayla talk about what’s going on and for what it’s worth the two are cool. In the meantime, Ike finds his daughter as Ike and her talk out what’s up with her daughter and Ike admits he was wrong in not being there for his daughter as her daughter tells him she’s a lesbian and Frank and her mom doesn’t know and neither of her friends either because she’s afraid of losing them. After the three parents find themselves on solid ground with their kids, they decide to have a few shots. Meanwhile Julie does the deed, Kayla finds herself cool with her friends, Sam comes out, and the movie ends as it cuts to three months later as Julie heads on out to UCLA and a road trip with Kayla and Sam and the parents getting punked after they thought their daughters were up to more mishaps but I guess everything they went through had an effect on Cena as he and his wife decide to well... (Cut to mid-credit scene of John Cena and his wife playing nearly naked Blind Man’s bluff before someone related to the two walks in before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
So that was “Blockers” and what else can I say except YOWZA! (Cut to clips of “Blockers” as James does a voiceover and 1:38-2:23 from “I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)” by Meatloaf plays in the foreground of the clips)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This movie just was so Nucking Futs and keep in mind, the first true Teen Sex Comedy I ever saw was “Porky’s” and I was 12 and save for one trip that gave me Vietnam Flashback to "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" acting wise everyone pulls out a decent performance. The Story doesn’t drag on, the comedy isn’t too unbearable, and I really found myself enjoying this more I saw it. I say for those who are 18 and over give it a watch. Anyone else just wait it’ll be worth it. (Cut to James and Julia physically on the couch)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and… (Knock on the door) I’ll get that. (James walks away and the audio of the door opens, and James says, “Oh Hello, Alex your family is here, please cut off the review!” Julia Alexa Miller uses her Sonic Screwdriver as it cuts to black before the words “Several hours later” is seen on screen before cutting to James as he sits and sighs on the couch.)

TLOTA:
Wow, what a day! (Julia Alexa Miller walks in with a drink for herself and him)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Well, the positive was you got along with my family. They really enjoyed your cooking and I heard what you and my family were talking about. James, trust me they really like you and you don’t have to be afraid of any of them not even my parents. That crowd in Sullivan County New York, now they are what you should be afraid of. (“Go, Go, Power Rangers is heard coming out from James) Is that your phone?

TLOTA:
Yeah, let me get that. Hello? Okay. Right Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, Really? As long as I get to do the review with minimum interference Renee, Whatever John Cena movie you want I’ll do! Thanks. Yeah, I’ll be back soon. (James ends call) Well apparently Renee is sorry for driving me out of the studio and is willing to let me work on the last review in my Cena marathon in peace. The Caveat, I’ve got to review a John Cena movie that she wants me to review. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller getting up)

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, if you go back there, the odds aren’t good on… (James kisses her.) Okay James, I’ll trust you. Good Luck.

TLOTA:
I’ll see you for Valentine’s Day. I love you.

Julia Alexa Miller:
I know. (James walks away as the sound of James’ time and space device takes off as Julia Alexa Miller stands there with a scared for James’ sanity look on her face before she sees a box on the Coffee table and an envelope with the words “Do not open until Valentine’s Day” before slamming to black)

In Defense of... THE XFL?!?

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours and welcome to another edition of "In Defense Of..."(Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics  play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words "In Defense Of..."  before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Well, it's Super Bowl Season and as usual for New York Jets Fans most are ending their lives in a myriad of different ways. But apparently there is hope in 2020 as a new Football league is coming in and it is run by... (Cut to an image of Vince McMahon before cutting to James looking scared). Well hopefully he won't make the same mistakes he did the first time, I mean it's not like he's going to try and revive (Cut to the XFL 2020 logo and James shouting "GODDAMN IT VINCE!" before cutting to James physically) Okay, maybe it won't be the same as it was in 2001, maybe he learned more in the time in between then and now. Lord willing and the crick don't rise! But maybe there is a small amount of good that came from the 2001 attempt to change the game or perhaps Vince knew what he was doing the first time around. (Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Let's face facts The 2001 XFL season was doomed from the start! But I think even Vince McMahon knew that and for what it's worth it did somethings right. For example a rule was made that on any stoppage of play the clock would start up again once the ball was spotted. But that happened after a very, VERY DISASTEROUS MISSTEP done by the league on a Saturday Night telecast as it went into double overtime which forced Saturday Night Live to be delayed and well it wouldn't surprise me if Lorne Michaels went this level of nuts on Dick Ebersol (Cut to James in a green screen looking like a very battered, bloodied and bruised Lorne Michaels.)

Lorne Michaels:
DICK EBERSOL NOBODY EVER (BLEEP)ING DELAYS MY SHOW WHICH I HAVE FOUGHT TO STAY ON FOR THIS (BLEEP)ING LONG! YOU AND (BLEEP) MCMAHON WILL NEVER DELAY ANOTHER EPISODE OTHERWISE I WILL (BLEEP)ING BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR (BLEEP)ING XFL FOOTBALL! (Cut to a very nervous James peering up and out from behind his desk before cutting to more XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But there were more lessons learned because the Arena attendance numbers for the XFL depending on where you hear it from was doing well for itself. But the problem lied in the fact that this was meant to be a Televised Program first and a sport second. Something the new XFL will hopefully avoid making it a sport first and a TV program second. Then of course Vince went down the Gimmicks route. Starting off with an attempt for a rivalry between Rusty Tillman and Jesse Ventura the Then Minnesotan  Governor which went nowhere because Rusty Tillman didn't want anything to do with it. Then came the most absolute cheapest ploy for ratings, Vince McMahon was going to have a cameraman inside the Cheerleaders Locker Room which went... well... just watch. ( Show fantasy clip of what happened inside the Cheerleaders locker room before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay Vince whatever Crazy pills you were on at the time please tell me you're no longer on them!

(Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Then came the fact that the then titled World Wrestling Federation and XFL cross promotion in the early days of the XFL. We had Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson who played in College Football with the Miami Hurricanes to open the show and vignettes with The Undertaker and Stone Cold Steve Austin just to name a few people who should NOT have been promoting the XFL. What they should've done was have NFL legends who could've gone to training camps and advise rookies on what has to happen and give the upstart league a bit more credibility.But for whatever reason they decided against it. Hopefully they'll go that route this time. Then came a mission statement to "Evolve the sport while bringing Football back to it's roots." to para-quote Brian Zane from "Wrestling With Wreget" Okay, what roots back to the 1980's-90's era of Football where physicality was meant to be intense? The social paradigms that we had during the turbulent 1960's & 1970's? Or the Gentlemen violence at the start of the beginning of the sport until the 1950's? . The idea of bringing anything back to the way it was has not and will NEVER work because everything moves forward.The XFL should've been an evolutionary step forward for the NFL as to how to perform on TV not an attempt to take it back to a day it can never return to because it says that The XFL is out of touch and behind the times. If anyone thought that what that what Colin Kapernick got old timers upset well think again. There were legends in the sport that felt that young upstart Joe Namath was killing the sport. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

This is why Vince's competitors in the Pro Wrestling business have failed. Why Herb Abrams UWF failed. Why the AWF went under. Why so many indie companies that Vince McMahon ran out of business and the XFL 2001 season failed because it tried to take something back to a point it can never go back to. So heed my words if anyone says they're out to bring something back to it's roots, RUN LIKE HELL AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE THEY WILL BURN THEMSELVES TO THE GROUND AND POSSIBLY TAKE YOU DOWN WITH THEM. Now back to whatever it is I was talking about.

(Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

 By the "Million Dollar Championship" came out Ebersol and NBC were out of the XFL but Vince said there'd be a second season that is until UPN poached Buffy from WB and UPN expected Vince to foot the bill by cutting Smackdown by a half an hour or ending the XFL. Vince took the route all successful businessmen took. He put his money into the venture that was making the money and not costing him badly. With some of the lowest ratings to ever hit TV the XFL ended on a Pfft. But maybe that was part of McMahon's plans. See the reaction to the product as it was and see where it can go. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
As a matter of fact, I am going to go out on a line and say that the XFL 2001 season was in fact, the stress test season.

(Cut to a "Bar Rescue" episode in the middle of a Stress Test as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
A "Stress Test" is something businesses and companies do to see if everything can do well under pressure. If they succeed they will get a lot of people interested in what will happen and every employee will succeed when the kimchi hits the fan. It just surprised me that it took Vince this long to react and then try the XFL again. But this did help an alternative sports league get credibility. (Cut to clips of Arena Football League gameplay as James continues as His Voiceover) The Arena Football League got more recognition and more mainstream viewership. (Cut to NFL & other sports as James does a voiceover) And then came the fact that sports are now being filmed in the same way the XFL filmed and they've been putting mics on coaches and players as well as interviewing in mid-game so Vince may have changed how professional sports are done and some of the XFL players like Rod "He Hate Me" Smart and Tommy Maddox went on to win Super Bowls as well as The CFL Grey Cup.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But after nearly two decades since the inception of the original XFL does it deserve all the ridicule it deserved? Not really.

(Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Okay it was horribly produced, put together on the fly and cost Vince McMahon and Dick Ebersol money and credibility but watching the game play itself and how the player performance on-field was amazing and hopefully Vince learned enough to make sure what happened the first time with the XFL won't happen again when the new iteration of the XFL begins. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I mean Vince has done worse. (Cut to clips of "The Three Stooges" on Monday Night Raw, John Laurinitis running both Raw and Smackdown into the ground, The first brand split, all the times John Cena got over and newer talent was buried unnecessarily, The Invasion storyline, All of the WWE Reality shows and finally The Montreal Screwjob before cutting back to James) Yeah Vince, I never forgot and neither has the fans. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion.

Have you Cena "Marine" lately?

(Scene begins with an overhead shot of the Catskills and the “Xena” theme song plays in the foreground before cutting to a clip of the n.W.o 2002 WWE run as an announcer played by DukeCT says “In a time of returning ancient tribes.”, Brock Lesnar brutalizing everyone as an announcer played by DukeCT says “Monsters” and Triple H holding both the World Heavyweight and WWE Championship as an announcer played by DukeCT says “And men who would be kings!” and the WWE brand splitting for the first time as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A company divided cries out for a hero” as more matches play scenes of two different men getting prepared one with a pair of Jean Shorts the other a pair of contractor jeans. The First man preparing a colored shirt, the other putting on an American Flag shirt before cutting to the first man entering a ring who just so happens to be John Cena before cutting to an image of John Cena as he holds a championship and the words “Cena: Warrior Actor” an announcer played by DukeCT says, “He was Cena!” before cutting to a clip of John Cena running at full steam as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A mighty warrior forged in the challenge of competition!” before seeing John hit an AA on Edge and The Big Show before cutting to James Faraci as it cuts to James Faraci getting to his seat as the credit reads “Starring James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” before cutting to a clip of John Cena hits Edge with an AA at Unforgiven as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The intensity” before cutting to an image of Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun & Nick Yaun, John & Mike Santos, Ed Champion & Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath and Renee Miller as they see their names before cutting to James on the horseshoe couch as he plays a movie before cutting to John Cena’s Acting Repertoire as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The Actor” as more clips of John Cena’s Acting Repertoire before cutting to John Cena as he takes a butt bong of beer before cutting to James gets ready for another review as an announcer played by DukeCT says “His Reviews will change the internet forever!” before cutting to a blurred black and white image of John Cena holding the WWE Championship and the words “The Last Of The Americans” shimmer in before fading to James at his desk)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. John Felix Anthony Cena Jr, otherwise known on the internet as… (Cut to the JOHN CENA sign before hearing his “You Can’t See Me” theme as it blares before cutting to clips of John Cena’s achievements as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yes! I know he’s very well respected in the world of Professional Wrestling especially when it comes to his time in the WWE. He’s won multiple titles, earned the respect of so many legends and newcomers and has solidly cemented his reputation. But even though he has some history of burying a lot of talent but when you look at his IMDB he’s been doing some acting as of late and has gotten a little cred in the acting world you have to wonder if he’s getting buried in schlock. Do I think he’ll earn any award for acting? Not really but he may just have enough of a career not to be forgotten. (Cut to Paulo and Brenda Fonseca at James’ door)

Paulo Fonseca:
James, you’ve got a problem!

Brenda Fonseca:
It’s Renee and John (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
If they’re not feeling well, I can get someone to help. (Cut to James, Mike Santos, Ed Champion, Andrew Beach, Brenda and Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun and Olivia Horvath)

TLOTA:
You’ve got to be kidding me! (Cut to John and Renee on the couch with signs saying, “Down with The Last Of The Americans” and “Cena Rocks, Faraci Sucks”)

John Ross Santos:
Nope! We’re protesting this three-month attack on John Cena!

Renee Miller:
If you try to even get through at least ONE review, you’ll regret it James! (Cut to James, Mike Santos, Ed Champion, Andrew Beach, Brenda and Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun and Olivia Horvath)

TLOTA:
I’m already regretting it especially since I already know with which movie I’m beginning with! (Cut to the opening credit from the trailer of “The Marine” before cutting to clips of “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
“The Marine” is not only John Cena’s first leading acting role, not only the first movie produced by WWE’s Movie production company, it is also the first movie that somehow tries to parody Michael Bay’s style of movies. But does it make me wish I was watching a Michael Bay Movie? (Cut to James physically in his office)

TLOTA:
And knowing I just said Michael Bay so many times I’m surprised he hasn’t arrived! (Cut to James and the others looking in shock as they see Michael Bay played by Steve Kidd hogtied by Renee Miller and John Santos)

John Santos:
You’re not using him for a gag now stop the review. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Too Late, this is “The Marine” (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Our movie begins in the middle of an extraction mission in Iraq where our hero John Triton played by Cena sees his fellow marines held hostage by terrorists. Knowing that his fellow marines have about as much time as a Hot Pocket being done. Triton decides to go in and take down those oppressive terrorist bastards! (Show clip of John Triton taking out terrorists with a clip in the Middle of it where Angry Joe shouts “It’s no use the Bullets are just going through the holes!” before cutting back to the movie and James’ voiceover) After that bit of heroism, John Triton is being discharged for saving his fellow marines that’s gratitude for ya. (Show clip of John Triton being discharged before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
So even though he disobeyed an order, he saved his fellow marines and is discharged for it. Okay movie, I am now legally within my right to do THIS! (Cut to James as he stands up with the rest of Team TLOTA that’s willing to work as a Piano play in the background)

TLOTA and Team TLOTA (Singing):
WE IS A GOVERNMENT!  WE IS A GOVERNMENT! WE FILLED WITH TUPID SJERKS! WE IS A GOVERNMENT! WE IS A GOVERNMENT! WE IS A REASON NO TING WORKS! (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
John Triton comes home to his smoking hot wife Kate played by Kelly Carlson where they proceed to have a long session of the Humpty Hump. Because trust me if I was overseas for a long time and had all that personal emotion building up for a long time, I’d be having the same type of romantic escapades which in this movie rivals “The Room” sans Naval Banging! Meanwhile a bank robber played by the T-1000 himself Robert Patrick decides to heist some diamonds and WHOA! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay, seeing as how there will be a fair share of explosions, let’s go through them and see how far up the Michael Bay Scale they go! (Cut to scenes of explosions from “The Marine” as we see a pic of Michael Bay’s ugly mug going upwards before the last explosion of the movie as John Triton tries to revive his wife while an explosion goes off in the background has Bay’s head zoom up before cutting to James as Bay’s head explodes and destroys James’ desk)

TLOTA:
Okay, if this running gag happens to me throughout the rest of the year, I might as well not have a desk!

(Cut to “The Marine” as Rome hams it up saying how he loves “South Carolina” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
You’re in South Carolina?! Well there is plenty of ham that you can chow down on while you act there Rome! So, after that bit of crazy we see a detective is on the case to stop Rome before chomping down on more scenery and get the diamonds. Meanwhile John Triton is having a very hard first day as a guard of a very business tower especially when a loud-mouthed Jack-ass work shames his ex-girlfriend and is escorted out though admittedly that asshole had it coming but Triton is fired immediately for dealing with him and if Shaymalan is correct he and four other assholes will be stuck in a elevator with the Devil and killed for their sins. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Speaking of people doing stupid things unnecessarily, I’ve got to check up on something quick. (Cut to John and Renee on the couch now joined by Wrestling With Wregret’s Brian Zane before cutting to James)

TLOTA:
Brian, what are you doing here? (Cut to John and Renee on the couch now joined by Wrestling With Wregret’s Brian Zane)

Brian Zane:
Well, when I heard you were reviewing “The Marine” my initial reaction was to wish you luck. But seeing as how Renee and John here on strike because you plan on doing three months of reviews on John Cena let me do the following. (Brian Zane hocks up a spitball and spits it in James’ face.)

TLOTA:
This review may kill me! (Fade to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Realizing he went into the civilian world of employment too quickly Triton and his wife decide to take a vacation. Meanwhile Rome and his girl after discussing How the trigger-happy goon known as Morgan went over the line and of course do the Humpty Hump. We see Morgan looking for a clean ride after realizing their car was marked. What happens next is a bad joke and a fourth wall break that makes Deadpool angry with insanity. (Show clip of Morgan looking at the ride he is given and gets upset over it before looking at the better ride and then looking at the audience before a shot is heard and a pair of cartoonish eyes look at the hole before Morgan drops dead and Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson walks up and kicks Morgan while he’s down)

Deadpool:
BAD MORGAN! BAD MORGAN! YOU UNFUNNY ROCK CANDY HATING PILE OF CRAP! And as for you James, I’m joining the protest! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Man, even my own gags are against me now! (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As if by cinematic coincidence, Triton and his wife are on their way towards a vacation and gas up their ride at the SAME GAS STATION ROME AND HIS GOONS ARE GASSING UP THEIR RIDE! A cop drives in and chats with Rome about the car. However, Morgan being paranoid kills the cop leading Rome to wound the other cop, take Triton’s ride, kidnap Kate and Blow up the Gas Station leaving behind only the fresh scent of pine and one pissed off John Triton. (Show clip of John Triton as he describes what happened before cutting to a group of State Troopers played by a dwindling number of James’ team mates and James dressed as Sam Gerard in “The Fugitive” and “U.S. Marshals”)

Sam Gerard:
Alright, listen up, ladies and gentlemen, our fugitive has been on the run for more than 24 hours. Average speed on highways in a vehicle is 65 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of 125 miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up every five miles. Your fugitive's name is Rome! Go get him. (Show clip of John Triton chasing down Rome and his fugitives as one of them mention “The Terminator” before cutting to James as color palate is different)

TLOTA (Distorted Audio):
Damn it movie, your reference made the universe divide by itself! GOOD ONE! (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As both rides are taken out Rome, his crew and Kate hoof it through the swamp meanwhile the detective from earlier and Triton meet up. The Detective tells Triton to back off but when it’s Kelly Carlson well let’s say I’ve seen men walk on their ass backwards through hot coals over a lava pit just to say hi to her. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do! Anyway, Triton having skills as a Marine says he’s gonna track them down and bring them back dead or alive but knowing him they are all worm chow when he gets his hands onto them. Meanwhile everyone knowing that Morgan whose missing a few screws thinks they’re ganging up on him because of his race when the reality is Morgan needs serious therapy wraparound jacket and all! (Cut to Morgan as he makes insane claims before cutting to the MST3K episode “The Mole People” as Joel, Tom Servo and Crow shout “SHUT UP!” at the screen before returning to the movie as James continues his voiceover) As one of the goons is killed by Rome for Gator Chow, Triton finds the dagger left by the dead goon as a sign to know he’s on their trail. Meanwhile Rome and the others make it to a nice little out of the way shack where we get Morgan’s backstory as to why he’s Nicolas Cage levels of Cuckoo. (Show clip of Morgan telling his backstory as he says he was raped, sodomized and molested by a camp counselor before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay between this jack ass (James’ right hand points to an image of the Work Shaming Jack Ass from earlier) and this poor schmuck (James’ Left hand pointing at an image of Morgan from earlier looking at the audience) THIS IS FIVE MINUTES AWAY FROM BEING A COMEDIC EPISODE OF “LAW AND ORDER: SVU”! The only things missing? Mariska Hargitay, Ice-T, the rest of the “SVU” cast and crew and of course THE HUMOR!  (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
While Triton continues his hunt, we get… Well this happens. (Show clip of John Triton being held down by a pair of rednecks as if they plan to do something horrible to John Triton in a drug lab before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
UHHHHHH! (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
THANKFULLY Triton gets out of his situation and resumes his hunt which leads him to the same nice little out of the way shack Rome and his crew as he kills Morgan and the other goon before The Detective meets up with Triton as it’s revealed he was in on the Jewel Heist from earlier! WAIT WHAT?! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay if he was in on the heist why didn’t he set up better protection for Rome and his crew, first. Secondly, shouldn’t the detective have traveled with Triton to cover his tracks? Third and finally, how come he didn’t give Rome and his goons alibis just in case something like this happens? (Cut to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Oh well no time for answers as Rome’s girl and Kate have themselves a catfight! (Show clip of Kate and Rome’s girl fighting as Joey Styles shouts “CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT!” before resuming the movie as James continues his voiceover) After the Detective is taken down Triton continues his hunt as the Shack goes kablammo. As Rome needs to ditch the ride, they commandeer a truck which should’ve led to this… (Cut to James dressed as a trucker as the C.B voiced by Nick Yaun says “Breaker, Breaker Ol Red got his ride hijacked heading south.”)

The Trucker:
Breaker, Breaker this here’s the Shepherd’s son we’re gonna need a convoy to end this sumbitch before he takes another rig anybody got their ears on please reply and join me in taking him down. (Multiple voices say Roger that as James honks his horn before cutting back to “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Triton eventually catches up with Rome as he plays “Toss A Skank into a Bus”. Pissed about losing the girl and the diamonds Rome goes into full on out killer mode to knock Triton off the rig just as it hits the water leaving Kate to die. After Triton is pounded into hamburger by Rome. Triton has enough and drops a flaming hangar on the guy. Triton grabs his wife and revives her. Thank you for ending it… (Cut to a fully crispy Rome trying to kill Triton once again before cutting to James physically shouting, “DAMN IT KILL HIM ALREADY!” before cutting to Triton finally killing Rome and Triton and Kate joke about going to the beach)

TLOTA (Voiceover)
And with that the movie ends with Triton and Kate living happily ever after and this franchise being a WWE Straight To DVD Goldmine for Mike Mizanin after a misstep with Ted Dibiase Jr. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So that was “The Marine” aaaand after sitting though it I can say that it’s okay at best. (Cut to clips of “The Marine” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
All things considered, it’s not a bad movie but after watching it after forgetting for a while and then seeing it again, it didn’t leave an impact on me. But Robert Patrick, John Cena and the cast does a good job but some of the characters don’t have much as a personality. The story and the plot feel like it was done on the fly, the action was engaging, the comedy just doesn’t work, but for all its problems, I found it so enjoyable that it’s worth a watch at the very least. Check it out and see if this will make you feel the pride knowing Cena made Marines more bad ass then they already are. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And since I have two more months, I’m just gonna look outside and see if it’s safe for me to stay here now. (James walks over before cutting to waves of People outside James’ Studio chanting “MORE CENA REVIEWS! NO PEACE!” before cutting to James closing the blinds to his windows.) I’m just gonna work elsewhere for now. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and… (An explosion rocks the scene as James reacts accordingly) I’M OUTTA HERE! (James runs off screen as the sound of James’ time and space device activates off screen before cutting to black)

The Top 10 TLOTA Moments of 2018

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. You know when 2017 ended, I thought it was the craziest year of my life. 2018 stepped in said "Hold My Beer!" and went into even crazier territory! (Cut to clips of certain clips from reviews from "The Last Of The Americans" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

I'm talking about an ex-crush's husband kidnapping me with the intent to kill me and two of my friends. Having to fly a plane and land it safely while reviewing the horrible Woody Woodpecker  live action movie. A brawl with execs who rather prefer the company of charts, test audiences and other things that are partly ruining Hollywood and everyone getting their backsides handed to them. A woman I have a crush on became imbued with the powers and memories of an ex-girlfriend that sent a secondary member of my team on a journey that had him cause a riot thinking that Nuclear Weapons were being launched. I had to deal with a pissed off Chai who got me in trouble with Sea Cops. and in between all of every single crazy thing that happened I made blogger of the month at Manic Expression back in March of this year. That's like making it to being Employee Of The Month and I am so humbled that I earned this honor. Then there are moments that  I will NOT mention however I am lucky to have gotten to this point. So while I'm talking about moments, for the second time ever in doing this I've got Honorable mentions.

Connect The Plots: "Superboy" & "Lois and Clark") This was something I noticed while checking out Superman Minutia and I noticed this connection between these two classic shows.

"The Different Cuts of Blade Trinity with The Maven Of The Eventide") Working with Eliza Hanson and her family was a pretty good  time for all of us even though the movie in question was horrendous to sit through. 

Reality Checkout: Jersey Shore) Just the fact the show and the participants has a following to this day is enough to send most Italians and Italian Americans into a fury that dwarfs an eruption from Montecristo!

"Is there a real Superman Curse") Having heard tales of what happened to the actors who put on the Superman Suit was hard to deal with but I had to talk about it for the sake of the future of any actor who played Superman and any who will from this moment on.

"In Defense Of Smallville") Sitting through a ten year series that had it's fair share of bad and good moments there was something that needed to be liked and not forgotten.

What I want to see if there is a "Mako Mermaids" movie/ Top 10 "H2O: Just Add Water" & "Mako Mermaids" episodes) These two I lumped together because they're for all intents and purposes a follow-up to the summer retrospective series. Getting these out of me was a necessity. Plus I loved the ending which allowed me the chance to step out of the shell and allow me to be something I rarely allow myself to be human and show my feelings to another person. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: 

And since I allowed myself to be human, well now I'm allowing myself to step out of character. (James pulls out his morpher and de-morphs back to James Faraci)

James Faraci:
And now with five of your favorites and five of mine it's time for The Top Ten The Last Of The Americans Moments of 2018.

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers Movie Power Rangers at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman  and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it  before the words "The Top 10 moments on top of" the slab and the words "of 2018" before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab) 

James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number ten

(Cut to clips of both parts of "How to Successfully go from Reviewers to "Producers" as James does a voiceover)

10) "How to Successfully go from Reviewers to "Producers"

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This was my most ambitious review EVER! A full on out musical homage to not only Mel Brooks' first successfully directed movie but also the Broadway and Hollywood musical revival of this movie and Mel's Career in general. However it is also one of my most time and labor induced piece as I had to get my friend Antoni Garcia to help me and Alex direct this as well as work on the music and the story as well. Plus, I drained a ton of my year's budget on sets, actors, and all sorts of things to get this review off the ground. As such scenes had to be cut and musical numbers removed in order to get the review done. A good chunk of both versions of "The Producers" references and story had to be removed for time's sake and I hated that. Also because things were getting to out of hand as it was I had to cut the project into two parts. Making it A) My longest review ever and B) sadly my least viewed of all time. But I enjoyed working with Antoni and Alex, I learned on how to work better manage time and my resources and it's for me one of my favorites.

(Cut to the ending of  "How to Successfully go from Reviewers to "Producers" before fading to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab) 

James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number nine

(Cut to clips of "Flipping Woody The Bird" as James does a voiceover)

09) "Flipping Woody The Bird"

James Faraci (Voiceover):
This was not only the review that introduced the new intro, this was the movie that made Walter Lantz roll in his grave and made me wish I was seeing this on a plane near the emergency exit and opening it and between thinking that, Checking out the movie "Airplane" to give me a reason not to take the quick way out of reviewing this. Plus the "Surfin' Bird" moment made me think of all things The "Family Guy" cutaway gag in which Brian and Stewie demolish the damned thing which after hearing and seeing this moment gave me the best moment I'd ever have recreating a scene from a movie which I had to show a lot of them what the source was which was "Office Space" so a combo of parodies made possibly the best timed jokes in the review. But to me I always try to balance a lot out which I did and is a personal favorite review of mine.

(Cut to the ending of "Flipping Woody The Bird" as it appears James and Alex are going to kiss before the two agree it'd be wrong before fading to black then cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)

James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number eight

(Cut to clips of "Superman III to the third Power" as James does a voiceover)

08) "Superman III to the third power"

James Faraci (Voiceover):
There was a lot going on. First off, it was Superman's 80th birthday, I wanted to do a review with Obscurus Lupa and Phelous as well as one of my other friends. Thankfully Gus "The Nostalgia Kid" Webb and I wanted to review something less painful than "Superman IV: The Quest For Peace" or "Superman Returns" or any of the recent DC Movies. So I checked out Superman III and I found Internet Reviewer GOLD. However while Gus stayed on, I never heard back from either Phelan or Alison. So my second choice was "The Blockbuster Buster" even though I didn't want to make him feel like second choice. I was even going to help pay for the 300th by paying fifty dollars for reviewing services rendered just so he can sit, make jokes and write them down. But that didn't pan out. While Gus was still BARELY on board I was able to talk to two others Charles "DukeCT" Thomas and Jeff "Writrzblok" Gwinnup. While DukeCT and Writrzblok were both on board DukeCT bowed out in favor of a crossover further on down the road to which I was more than glad to oblige to that. But that didn't mean getting the review done was a piece of pie. I had to deal with Steve being out on the road and what sort of Chaos he'd do out on the road. Not intentionally mind you but still (Cut to clip of Steve nearly causing a riot when he hears an emergency siren all because he heard and thought Nuclear Attack before slamming to black and then cutting to James)

James Faraci:

Yeah, He nearly went away for a long time for that one.  (Cut to the clip of James trying to get to talk to Alex as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
But the most important part for me was to contact Julia Alexa Miller partly to make sure that she wasn't in too bad a shape after my fifth anniversary review and the aftermath of it. I'll get to it later on in this list but it is something that I in real life would do if I were either directly or indirectly the cause of someone's misfortunes and I would do anything to help no matter what would happen to me because, that's the kind of guy I am.

(Fade to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)

James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number seven

(Cut to clips of the "What is up with the Disney Hate?" editorial as James does a voiceover)

07) "What is up with the Disney Hate?"

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Initially meant to be a sort of unique take on an almost April Fool's editorial on a take of SF Debris' telling of how classic "Doctor Who" got the axe involving how Disney did wrong to Power Rangers as a warning as to why giving or letting Disney have too much and how it can go very, very WRONG . The recent news of Disney's acquisition of 20th Century Fox turned what was meant to be an April Fool's editorial into a legitimate editorial. That is incredible. So in essence what started out as a joke turned into something serious when reality outdid what meant a fictional joke and I was amazed that everyone liked this and agreed with some of my thoughts on a subject that I had liked for 25 years and speaking of that subject...

(Cut to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)

James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number six

(Cut to clips of "25 Dimensions Of Power Rangers" as James does a voiceover)

06) "25 Dimensions Of Power Rangers"

James Faraci (Voiceover):
The 25th series of Power Rangers was pretty much what it was supposed to feel like a good series trying to pick up the same essence of the series before it and improve on what went wrong and enhance on what they did right. Then came the 25th anniversary special "Dimensions In Danger" while I'm never going to accept that there are different dimensions with Power Rangers in them I will accept the special as one of the better ones. What also is enjoyable about the review of it was the fact that I did something to two characters that are on par with Dax as to how disliked they in all of Power Rangers history. Vincent and Monty, I DESPISE THESE TWO WITH THE SAME DESPISE I HAVE FOR DAX FROM POWER RANGERS OPERATION OVERDRIVE! So for every single old school and new school Power Rangers fan I did them a favor by reviving Father Bulkmeier, Rabbi Skullovitch and Sister Kimberly to send the two straight to hell as they deserve to. Plus this review nearly went to hell as I almost made it a crossover with Linkara but then said that he was unable to take part of it because it would've interfered with his plans for "History Of Power Rangers" so I had to fly solo on this and I think if Linkara was there he would've interfered with the ending of sending Victor and Monty straight to hell. So maybe it worked out for the best.

(Fade to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)

James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number five

(Cut to clips from all of the "Live to Win-Ter" reviews as James does a voiceover.)

05) "Live To Win-Ter"

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Calling this one my most interesting Winter season review marathons was interesting. Originally, I had planned on everything in this leading up to my fifth year anniversary review but it would be too much on a limited Winter Budget that I put myself on. Then there was the obvious problem, Would Christy Romano after all the time I've had wishing I never knew of her after a lot of difficulties I had while working with her last time that I never talked about. Fortunately, we had a mediator in the form of Christy's husband Brendan and when I told him about the plan I had for him, while initially he was surprised, he got what it was about and took everything with a smile but kept everything in check. I wasn't to go near their kid and I sure as hell wasn't going to try anything. Now all I had to do was come up with the three Winter Olympics movies that I could use for a review. The first two were a snap, then I talked to Christy and Brendan again and asked if I could review "Cutting Edge: Going For The Gold" and they were surprisingly okay with it. Also I wanted Mike J from Shameless Sequels but he didn't have any opinions on it and I accidentally credited Mike for work he didn't do. Quickly correcting it, I had to take Mike J's name off and trust me it's the biggest mistakes that I made and if I were to do a list of screw ups I'd take up a year's worth of work. But over all I was able to make a rather enjoyable premiere for this season worthy of this list.

(Fade to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)

James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number four

(Cut to clips of "The Fall Of Channel Awesome #ChangeTheChannel" as James does a voiceover)

04) The Fall Of Channel Awesome #ChangeTheChannel

James Faraci (Voiceover):
This was something I needed to do while the iron was hot in this case. As opposed to how I handled the #WTFU hashtag when I figured I'd wait and see what would pan out. I chose to stand with those that were screwed from those who business practices were discovered to be horrifically abysmal. While I did admire the Walkers, after hearing how they and Mike Michaud were pretty much the scum of the universe. But fortunately I've become more friendly for the most part with those who used to be associated with them and all still harbor a professional distain towards Channel Awesome personally they try to let everyone know they hold no ill will towards Orlando, Walter, Aiyanna, Heather, Brad and Larry but those formerly employed by Channel Awesome hope Michaud and The Walkers lose their finances due to their financial incompetences. While I hope there will be legal compensation one day for their losses know I will never ever have any more association with Channel Awesome until such time they rectify their mistakes.

(Fade to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)

James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number three

(Cut to clips of  "Five years and Justice for very little" as James did a voiceover)

03) "Five Years and Justice for very little"

James Faraci (Voiceover):
This for me was something I needed to pull out all stops. I had to put a lot of effort because I had to start a summer storyline involving Steve Kidd, enhance the character I gave Julia Alexa Miller and after retiring my usual Shia LaBeouf review for an anniversary I knew I had to pull out a big gun! After watching the Justice League movie, I knew I had my fifth anniversary review. While I had suspicions that Studio interference and execs who preferred Test Audience results and execs who had enough memos that could've made several first draft scripts of better movies. The Kingsman Secret Service Church Brawl was the best moment for me because it was a cathartic release of all my anger towards said Studio interference and execs and the leader of them which I based on the character from "The Simpsons" Lindsay Nagel. But for my taste, the post review moments were my favorite. I've always believed in the power of magic and when I decided to imbue Julia Alexa Miller with the magic and power from Emmalina's letter I knew it was the right choice as was setting up a summer traveling storyline for Steve Kidd who meant well but never considered the consequences of doing something that would be interpreted as a mistake but for him it was a mission to help and is worth the number three spot on this list

(Cut to the moment James slams the phone down before slamming to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)

James Faraci (Voiceover):

Number two

(Cut to clips of  "Top 10 Life As A Mermaid Episodes/Which Way To WitchHaven" as James does a voiceover)

02) "The Top Ten Life As A Mermaid Episodes and Which Way To WitchHaven"

James Faraci (Voiceover):
To me as much as I want to tear into bad studio fare, I also want to highlight better fare done by smaller studios and Validus Productions gave me two good series to work with. "Life As A Mermaid" which I became a fan of the second I saw it and it's amazingly awesome director Julia Alexa Miller and a secondary series they made "WitchHaven" was equally as awesome. I got an awesome chance to do a top 10 on Life As A Mermaid with plenty of amazing moments like getting a chance to call The Character of "The Barnacle King" what I thought about him. That he was a smelthead and his plan involved a mass genocide and I got great help from everyone at Life As A Mermaid. As a matter of fact, I had an alternate version in which after hearing  The Barnacle Kings plans and the reasons behind them, Stanley played by Cambell Dodson whom I thank for being Deadpool in certain reviews told The Barnacle King to sit and tell Nat played by Maria Feist, Valerie played by Marcella DiPasqualle and Madison played by Taylor Huff the reaming out. Here now is the Alternate Version (Show clip of The Barnacle King telling Stanley his plan and his reasons why before the Record Scratches, Stanley takes off his disguise orders The Barnacle King to sit there and shut up, Tells James to sit and shut up and calls for Nat, Valerie and Madison tells The Barnacle King about his plan and the reasoning behind it before getting reamed out by the Three in the version that made it to the Top 10 with Nat and Madison sharing Will and Valerie's lines.) In fact the only other version is one where Stanley himself reams out The Barnacle King (Show clip of The Barnacle King telling Stanley his plan and his reasons why before the Record Scratches, Stanley takes off his disguise orders The Barnacle King to sit there and shut up, Tells James to sit and shut up and reams him out using the same lines as before) The reason I chose the clip of Will played by Nick Slimmer and Valerie because they were the best balance of that season to The Barnacle King in terms of the polarity with Madison during that season. But now onto "WitchHaven" I had to say by the mid point of the season was when I decided to say, Yes I wanted to do this for a review as a secondary review for my October/Halloween reviews and the best part was that the cast saw it and liked it and the people in charge of the series put my analysis of the first season at the end of their Blooper Reel video and here's the link to the video if you want to see it. :  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdF8rpaedlE (Cut to James physically)

James Faraci:
And personally this is my number one, but this time around, I'm going to give you those that you thought was...

(Fade to black before cutting to A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers Movie Power Rangers at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman  and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before zooming into the slab to see the Number on the bottom of the slab)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
THE number one best moment of The Last Of The Americans of 2018 is...

(Cut to clips of "To "Infinity War" & Beyond" as James does a voiceover)

01) "To "Infinity War" & Beyond"

James Faraci (Voiceover):
I went into this with very little knowledge about what would happen in the movie. I knew the MCU in universe had become so fractured that all it took was Thanos' snap to finish it off and I thought this movie would. But when I saw what would happen in the movie was death and heroes failing because I knew going into this from "Captain America: Civil War" that Thanos was going to succeed but I just didn't know how accurate I was. But since I was once again reviewing a movie that was in theaters at the time, I needed all hands on deck, I called in so many favors that my 2019 is gonna be so barebones that it wouldn't surprise me if I can get things together sans a Patreon account. But to me it was worth seeing Cambell Dodson as Deadpool and the rest of the cast as members of the Avengers and Steve Kidd as Gen. Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross and I said to Steve to play Gen. Ross as dumb as Ralph Wiggum so when my version of Thanos played by Eric Kurtzke snapped the guy's neck, Thanos did what everyone knew SHOULD'VE happened to Ross and be given a Darwin award for meddling in things he knew SQUAT about and in my version of things Thanos handed Ross the award amazingly. As for how I reacted to the ending, it might've come off a little harsh but after watching such harshness, I tried to be humorous though I do stand by my final analysis though if the next one is any indication. "Avengers: Endgame" will be my Number one review of 2019.

(Cut to the clip in "To "Infinity War" & Beyond as Peter Parker says "I don't want to go" before disintegrating and Tony shouting "NO!" as the camera zooms out to the universe as a wave wipes out half of all life before cutting to a screen with a star on a red and blue background before it flickers to a still with three stars on a red and blue background before the camera zooms back to see the words “To Be Continued” next to the stars before seeing the number 2019 under the words “To Be Continued” before cutting to James physically)

James Faraci:

 Now as for outside of "Avengers: Endgame" what does 2019 have in mind? Quite a bit actually but this time I am not going to say what's gonna happen except for one thing. (Cut to clips of John Cena as his theme song plays and James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Coming this January through March get ready to deal with the movies from the one and only John Cena. Three of his movies while dealing with some pretty interesting people letting me have it. Here's hoping I survive. (Cut to James physically)

James Faraci:
And after surviving this year I say to 2019... (James grabs his morpher and morphs back into being James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA:
BRING ON WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT FOR ME! I'M JAMES FARACI THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS AND THAT'S MY OPINION! (James slams the table before walking away)