The "Wrestlemania Mystery" of Cena

(Scene begins with an overhead shot of the Catskills and the “Xena” theme song plays in the foreground before cutting to a clip of the n.W.o 2002 WWE run as an announcer played by DukeCT says “In a time of returning ancient tribes.”, Brock Lesnar brutalizing everyone as an announcer played by DukeCT says “Monsters” and Triple H holding both the World Heavyweight and WWE Championship as an announcer played by DukeCT says “And men who would be kings!” and the WWE brand splitting for the first time as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A company divided cries out for a hero” as more matches play scenes of two different men getting prepared one with a pair of Jean Shorts the other a pair of contractor jeans. The First man preparing a colored shirt, the other putting on an American Flag shirt before cutting to the first man entering a ring who just so happens to be John Cena before cutting to an image of John Cena as he holds a championship and the words “Cena: Warrior Actor” an announcer played by DukeCT says, “He was Cena!” before cutting to a clip of John Cena running at full steam as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A mighty warrior forged in the challenge of competition!” before seeing John hit an AA on Edge and The Big Show before cutting to James Faraci as it cuts to James Faraci getting to his seat as the credit reads “Starring James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” before cutting to a clip of John Cena hits Edge with an AA at Unforgiven as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The intensity” before cutting to an image of Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun & Nick Yaun, John & Mike Santos, Ed Champion & Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath and Renee Miller as they see their names before cutting to James on the horseshoe couch as he plays a movie before cutting to John Cena’s Acting Repertoire as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The Actor” as more clips of John Cena’s Acting Repertoire before cutting to John Cena as he takes a butt bong of beer before cutting to James gets ready for another review as an announcer played by DukeCT says “His Reviews will change the internet forever!” before cutting to a blurred black and white image of John Cena holding the WWE Championship and the words “The Last Of The Americans” shimmer in before fading to James and Renee on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:
Okay Renee, whatever movie you want me to review that has Cena in it, I will do my best. But you must let me be as funny and as honest in this as I was in my last two Cena reviews. 

Renee Miller:
Okay James and if I don’t like it, it’ll be your last review! (Renee pulls out a copy of Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery and hands it to James.)

TLOTA:
Why did I agree to this again? (Cut to opening title card of “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” before cutting to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
While this wasn’t the first time WWE had been involved with Animation, this is the first time we’ve got a lot of the greats from this era which includes Triple H, Sin Cara, Santino, The Miz and of course John Cena hanging out with Scooby, Shaggy, Fred, Daphne & Velma! Will this be as good as the Iron Man Match from Wrestlemania 12 or would it be as bad as the pacing of the last few Wrestlemanias (Cut to James and The Wrestling Mark on the Horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:
Let’s not… (James looks over and sees The Wrestling Mark next to him.) What are you doing?

The Wrestling Mark:
If you think you’re doing this one solo then you’ve got… (James gives The Wrestling Mark the evil eye) it right on the mark! Gotta go! (The Wrestling Mark runs off screen)

TLOTA:
This is “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie begins as The Miz goes out on hike while where he bumps into…Kylo Ren with a shirt that shows how swole he is and a mask that doesn’t look as good as the ones he’s been sporting? Actually, that is Kane and The Miz runs away like there is no tomorrow. (The Miz runs off saying “Who’s Awesome? I’m Awesome!” over and over again before cutting to James and DukeCT on the couch)

DukeCT:
Okay Miz we get it you’re awesome on the mic and in the ring, you’ve got a lovely daughter and wife, you don’t have to hammer it in every second!

TLOTA:
DukeCT, I know you mean well but I want to fly as solo as I can. So, would you please get out now!

DukeCT:
But… (James gives DukeCT a death stare before he runs off then cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Miz continues his Jog is interrupted by… The Ghost Rider’s pet bear?! What?! Anyhow The Miz holds him off for as long as he can and I think when he said “Seriously?” he was ad-libbing because somewhere he knew he was getting the short end of the stick in this movie before getting put into an intensive care unit at WWE City! W...W...E…City.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I can see the ads for this tourist trap town going something like this! (Cut to James dressed as Vince McMahon in a business office.)

Vince McMahon:
This is… WWE… CITY! We have a lot of great places to see like The Undertaker’s Mortuary Museum. (Cut to a haunted house full of WWE Superstars he’s beaten as The Undertaker slams the coffins on all of them and says, “Rest In Peace!” before returning to Vince McMahon) After that have a bite of Santino’s Homemade Pizza. (Cut to John Santos dressed as Santino Marella trying to make a Pizza with “The Cobra” as he puts a pie in the oven and a tossed crust lands on his face before returning to Vince McMahon as he stands outside the WWE Logo) And there’s plenty more here at WWE…CITY! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We then get to our opening titles. Which has us introduced to the Scooby gang and the WWE superstars which we’ll see in the movie including Triple H, Vince McMahon, Kane, Sin Cara, Santino, AJ Lee, Santino, Michael Cole, The Miz and Brodus Clay. (Cut to James physically and Jim Cornette sitting next to him)

Jim Cornette:
Now that is just a waste of talent Brodus Clay, isn’t he on that Faux News Network as a contributor now a days, an even bigger waste of a news network?

TLOTA:
Cornette, unless you want your tennis racket surgically removed from your throat, Now would be a good time for you to BEAT IT!

Jim Cornette:
Don’t have to threaten me twice! (Cornette runs off before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We’re soon introduced to the Scooby gang as Shaggy played by Matthew Lillard and Scooby played by Frank Welker a WWE game which Scooby wins and enters in a bonus round which Scooby wins and gets a free set of tickets for Wrestlemania at WWE City. Scooby and Shaggy convince Fred also played by Frank Welker, Velma played by Mindy Cohn and Daphne played by Grey DeLisle Griffin to come along and on their way, they have a little car trouble when who else comes in but Cena and Daphne quickly becomes a fan of his after seeing his physical attributes amongst his other abilities. (Cut to James physically as he’s joined by Brian Zane of “Wrestling With Wregret”)

Brian Zane:
Okay Daphne, are you that serious to be Cena’s rebound from Nikki Bella after seeing Cena for just that short amount of time or just the sloppy seconds?

TLOTA:
Speaking of seconds that’s how long you have left before you wind up a human pretzel! (Brian Zane runs away in fear before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We’re also introduced to Cookie played by Charles S. Dutton and his nephew Ruben played by Bumper Robinson as well as Bayard who has it out for WWE City. But to apologize for Bayard’s insanity Cena offers our gang VIP seats to their wrestling event planned for that night.  (Cut to the matches as Michael Cole loses a desk after The Big Show lands on the Desk as Michael Cole says, “That was my favorite table!” before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Preaching to the choir Michael! Preaching to the Choir! (Cut to Michael Cole who happens to be sitting next to James)

Michael Cole:
Oh really, you know what it’s like to have your desk demolished into oblivion

TLOTA:
As a matter of fact, YES! Come with me! (James grabs Michael Cole to James’ office before seeing the charred remains of James’ old desks then cutting back to James and Michael Cole.)

Michael Cole:
Wow James, I underestimated, well judging by the time on my watch, I gotta go!

(James sighs before fading to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to “Scooby Doo: WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Mr. McMahon comes out and tells us that since a match between Kane and someone else that happened off screen was ruled out. Apparently, the championship has been Vacated and now a new champion must be crowned and Cookie invited the Scooby gang to training camp in Sin Cara’s Car after getting settled in, Scooby has a dream which gets interrupted by him meeting face to face with The Ghost Bear and who else would get involved to help the Scooby gang but the WWE Superstars which includes in their ranks Sgt. Slaughter! (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
And don’t underestimate the Sarge he’ll leave you in pain and an itty-bitty ditty bag! (Cut to the clip of Sgt. Slaughter as he says, “Itty-bitty ditty bag!” from the animated “G.I. Joe” Movie before returning to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Cookie and Reuben have a disagreement on Reuben’s involvement in the ring due to a career ending injury but I’m sure that amounts to nothing in the long run. The next day WWE exec Ms. Richards played by Mary McCormack lets the Scooby gang know that there have been bear attacks over the past few weeks and after a brief historical exposition from Shaggy and Scooby on Vince’s past incarnations, Mr. McMahon asks the gang to investigate. Meanwhile Cena interprets what Sin Cara is saying about the legend of the Ghost Bear and how Sin Cara’s great-great-great grandfather beat an actual wrestling bear named Vicious.  (Show clip of Sin Cara’s movements being narrated by John Cena before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Ladies and Gentlemen, John Cena, interpretive dancing translator. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The next morning after Scooby sees a series of lights, the WWE Championship has been stolen and who took it? Scooby?! (Cut to James as he looks on in shock with The Comic Strip Critic sitting next to him)

Comic Strip Critic:
HOW COULD SCOOBY DOO DO THAT?! The Damage to his… (James gets out of shock before looking at The Comic Strip Critic with anger on his face) will be less than the damage you’ll inflict on me if I don’t get out of here! (The Comic Strip Critic speeds on out of there before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA:
Velma helps Scooby clear his name by showing the game footage of Sin Cara’s character in the game’s code of the Dance party matches Scooby’s movements verbatim. But there is a law in WWE land that allows Scooby and Shaggy to fight for their innocence and it just so happens to be against… (Show Kane’s intro as Kane comes into the arena before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
They’re gonna die! (Cut to DukeCT once again sitting next to James)

DukeCT:
Probably! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After getting their backsides handed to them in training with AJ Lee the gang go looking for evidence to clear Shaggy and Scooby with who else (Show clip of John Cena joining the gang! Before returning to the movie as James does a voiceover.) John and the Scooby gang find a cave that has evidence pointing to Bayard AKA the Redneck claiming Eminent domain over the land WWE City was built upon. But the Ghost Bear knocks out Cena, Fred tries to do a Missile trick onto the Ghost Bear which only does the same thing that happened to Cyborg in the Justice League movie as Fred floods the cave destroying the evidence. Fred, Daphne and Velma escape using the table while Shaggy and Scooby use John Cena in the most inappropriate way I can think of! (Show clip of Shaggy and Scooby using John Cena as a raft before cutting to the rest of the movie as James does a voiceover) After that bit of wrong, John wakes up and everyone finds the cave leads to a storm drain to WWE City. Giving the information to Ms. Richards, Cookie suggests cancelling Wrestlemania but everyone thinks it’d be a bad idea even John Cena who again translates Sin Cara thinks it’d damage WWE irreparably. (Cut to Jim Cornette sitting next to James physically)

Jim Cornette:
Cancelling Wrestlemania wouldn’t have damaged WWE. WWE has done a lot worse with their image and reputation and somehow by the skin of Vince’s teeth got away with it scot-free and lest we forget all the sideshow circus crap Vince has done and buying out and burying the competition that hasn’t done any… (James gives Cornette the death stare.) Okay! Okay! I’m going! I’m outta here! (Cornette runs off before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Deciding to use Wrestlemania as a bear trap, everyone involved is ready to go as Scooby and Shaggy must take on Kane! The match is on as Kane darkens their singlets. While the match goes on Velma discovers where the EMP device is, ON a replica WWE Championship belt (Show the match going down as Velma tells Ms. Richards that the belt is the EMP device and Sin Cara comes with a magnet to help and Velma asks Where Sin Cara got the magnet before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
THE LESS YOU KNOW VELMA, THE BETTER OFF YOU’LL BE! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Kane continues to brutalize Shaggy and Scooby and Michael Cole loses another desk, and again preaching to the choir, Velma proves herself right, Cena tries to launch the device outside of harm’s way only for Scooby to mess it up giving the Ghost Bear ample opportunity to attack. But the King Of Kings himself Triple H comes in with Backup Generators to reboot the programs all while the match continues. (Show match continues as it changes what it is every few seconds before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
WHO IN THE HELL BOOKED THIS MATCH THE WAY THEY DID?! (Cut to Vince Russo as he sits next to James.)

Vince Russo:
The spirit of Herb Abrams from the UWF. (Cut to Jim Cornette as he sits next to Vince Russo who is next to James.)

Jim Cornette:
How about I beat you until you are left as an unrecognizable corpse for such a dumb-ass answer.

TLOTA:
ORAC! Delta Level Defense! (James pulls out his Sonic Screwdriver as Jim Cornette gets out of the way as James uses it to fricassee Vince Russo before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After a brutal beatdown the Ghost Bear is defeated! (Cut to James as he puts on his betting hat)

TLOTA:
Okay everyone, place your bets, who’s the Ghost Bear! Place your bets. (Cut to everyone screaming who they think the Ghost Bear is before cutting to James.) Okay betting time is up let’s see who it is! (Cut to the moment when The Ghost Bear is revealed and instead of it being who it is in the movie it’s a pasted-on pic of Vince McMahon and he shouts, “IT’S ME!” with Jim Ross saying, “Son Of A Bitch!” before cutting to everyone else)

Jim Cornette:
Wait a second, THAT is a mask, we’ll see that I’m right when I pull that off (Jim Cornette’s Hand pulls off the pasted-on face of Vince McMahon as it reveals Kayla from “Blockers” with her High Face as her mouth animatedly moves and the audio of Judge Doom talking about how he killed Eddie Valliant’s Brother comes out of her mouth before cutting to a group of very scared individuals running for their lives as Jim Cornette trips Vince Russo and everyone else runs over him and Cornette Riverdances on Russo killing him before running out himself before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Actually, the man behind the Ghost Bear is… Cookie! (Show everyone in the movie’s reaction before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Okay, I think I understand why. He wanted to protect his nephew, to help him get into computers and out of the ring, to stop him from making the same mistakes he did. (Cut to the very convoluted reasons of deductions made by The Scooby Gang before cutting back to James) Or that, that works too. (The Door slams open as James gets up and the camera zooms to Diamond Dallas Page!)

Diamond Dallas Page:
Cookie went into a negative state that destroyed him and that was the wrong way to go. Had he come to me before he came up with his plan, not only would he have gotten past the injuries that ended his career, he could’ve made a comeback that few get a chance to do and by the way James, I’m glad you’re staying positive and trying to help those around you be positive in your life as well as their own. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Yep, and thanks to you and DDPYoga I’ve been able to do things I haven’t since I was a teen! Thanks Dallas! (Cut to Diamond Dallas Page)

Diamond Dallas Page:
My pleasure, give yourself a self-high five because you own it! DDPY Warrior symbol and hit it! (James and Diamond Dallas Page shout BANG!) Keep it going and keep it positive. (DDP disappears back into the light he came from before returning to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And as Cookie is dragged off by the Cops, Reuben joins the WWE and the movie ends with Shaggy and Scooby are given the WWE Championship. Whatever floats this movie’s boat. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that was “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” and it was pretty good. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I’ll give the movie the following. The mystery never dragged, the animation was relatively done well, the voice acting was awesome apart from a few, I mean seriously Billy West was a better Shaggy than Lillard and Welker as much as you want to Honor Messick’s Legacy let someone else voice Scooby. But other than that, I really did like this movie and I truly hope this movie gets a great following. Find it on Blu-Ray or DVD and hope you have a Slamming good time with Scooby and the gang. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And now onto the rest of the year, if Renee can let me do the rest of the year. (Renee sits next to James)

Renee Miller:
James, I am going to let you do the rest of the year problem free. Besides, I only didn’t want you to review Cena's movies because I didn’t have any say on which movies you should’ve reviewed  because Cena and all wrestler actors are awesome all around.

TLOTA:

Okay, how about this, if I ever do a wrestler turned actor again, you’ll be the first one I go to for an idea.

Renee Miller:
Thanks James.

TLOTA:
No Problem, now look out 2019 here I come again! I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans… (Jim Cornette thwacks James in the back of the head.)

Jim Cornette:
That’s for taking my lines from my editorials. I’m Jim Cornette and that’s my opinion! Jackass!

Reality Checkout: Wrestling with "Wreality"

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
In 2017, I covered one singular Wrestling Reality TV star Eva Marie, who I heard has gone on to move past her reality tv star status to become a sunglasses/fashion designer and to that I say good for her to find her niche outside of her reality tv fame. But at the time she was, in my opinion, only famous for being a "Wrestler" in title only on Reality TV, that's only because I never saw her as a wrestler, I saw her as a reality tv star and thankfully she's not... (Cut to a still of Eva Marie in "Celebrity Big Brother 2" as James shouts "SON OF A BITCH!" before cutting to James Physically). WHY...ARE... YOU... DOING THIS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMARTER THAN TO DO THIS?! THEN YOU PROVE ME RIGHT BY BEING IN THIS? YOU... YOU... REALITY TV STAR! (James sighs) But I guess it didn't hurt that my memories reminded me specifically that Reality TV and WWE have been together for quite a while! (Cut to clips of "Tough Enough" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA(Voiceover):
"Tough Enough" was meant to highlight newer talent that the WWE could get behind and show what goes on behind "Sports Entertainment". However after a few years on MTV the series ended there with only a few truly talented superstars being recognized in WWE as well as in Pro-Wrestling. So soon after they reformatted the concept to a challenge on WWE's Raw and Smackdown brands which didn't last long in that format. Then came the third and fourth revival attempt and if you know who went on to succeed, then let me know in the comment section. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
However one name that had something of a legacy before he was on reality tv was... One moment (James walks away and whispers are heard in the background for a few seconds before coming back into frame) Okay, just needed some clarity because for a while the name I'm about to say was blacklisted for a while but apparently time has forgiven my next example... (Cut to clips of Hulk Hogan's legendary career as "Real American" by Rick Derringer plays in the foreground and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Hulk Hogan is considered a legend. Back in the 1980's and 1990's his career was unrivaled by anyone. When he was in the WWE then known as the WWF he turned Pro-Wrestling from bar room fare to family friendly entertainment holding the Championship several times throughout the 1980's. Making a name for himself at WrestleMania 3 as he took on Andre The Giant. When the Hulkster jumped from WWF to the then rival WCW in the mid-1990's he helped keep wrestling going after one of the best Heel turns in the biz when he, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash formed the n.W.o. However by the late 2000's, Hulk's career in the ring started to wind down a bit and he needed to find a new niche for his career. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And sadly when he found it, his career and personal life went the way of the territory days of Pro Wrestling. That moment happened when he appeared on Reality TV! (Cut to the intro of "Hogan Knows Best" before cutting to clips of "Hogan Knows Best" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Hogan Knows Best" showed the fans of Hogan a peek into Hogan's personal life ala "The Osbournes" and other reality shows of the same ilk. But the show had a secondary purpose to help Hulk's daughter Brooke start a career in music which went nowhere but downwards quickly and after the series ended things went south for Hogan in his real personal life, Linda had filed for Divorce from Hulk, his son Nick had been arrested on almost killing his friend with his reckless driving and as for Brooke? Well... (Cut to intro to "Brooke Knows Best" before cutting to clips of "Brooke Knows Best" as James continues his voiceover) "Brooke Knows Best" followed Brooke Hogan as she left her very destroyed family in an attempt to start fresh. While she did love her brother and parents, she had to have her own life and with cameras on her and her very long legs. Thankfully after a while Brooke realized that having the camera on her was a liability instead of being a detriment to her career and ended her relationship with Reality TV just as quickly as she started her attempt to bolster her career with "Brooke Knows Best". (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Her father on the other hand...Well... (Cut to clips of Hulk Hogan on any Reality TV show he hosted and or was associated with as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
He appeared on so many reality shows including a revamping of "American Gladiators" which was short lived, hosted an Z-List Celebrity challenge show called "Celebrity Challenge Wrestling" a brief appearance on another revamping of "Tough Enough" before some racial slurs blacklisted Hogan again, A small persons pro-wrestling league. Every single appearance on reality TV crippled his legacy, destroyed his legitimacy and turned Hulk Hogan from an Icon to a cartoonish caricature of who he used to be. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
No wonder he nearly contemplated eating a gun. If my legacy was demolished with every appearance in a genre of TV meant to basically look at humans and show us as the lowest rung on the evolutionary ladder, I'd want to end things as much as Hulk wanted to. But by the mid 2010's WWE needed something to help them return to prominence and as it was mentioned when I ripped Eva Marie for this the WWE went back to Reality TV on the same network that gave us the Kardashians! (Cut to intros to both "Total Divas" & "Total Bellas" before cutting to clips from those series as James does a voiceover about both series.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As I mentioned before in my Reality Checkout of Eva Marie, "Total Divas" was meant to be a  platform to help show what it was like for the women's division of the WWE then known as the "Divas" division and what it would be like for them in the world of Pro Wrestling in the WWE. Of course the breakout star in it's inception was Eva Marie. While eventually her career did end there with many a smark saying "Hallelujah", I eventually felt guilty for saying such a comment and I have since renounced my negative thoughts and emotions towards her. I'm not proud of what I said about her or how her career in the WWE ended but again I am glad that she has found her true career. But I digress, The success of "Total Divas" led to the spin off for Nikki and Brie Bella dubbed "Total Bellas" which looked at Nikki's relationship with John Cena and Brie's with her husband Daniel Bryan. While it did show what their personal relationships were like especially with Brie giving birth to her daughter Birdie it also showed the total destruction of not only the relationship between Nikki and Cena but also the downfall of John Cena's reputation with women as it showed him not only talking down to Nikki but shooting down all her hopes and dreams of a Happily Ever After which included marrying and starting a family with Cena. (Cut to clips of WWE as Miz attacks Cena and then clips of WrestleMania 33 as James continues his voiceover) But the tipping point that tipped me away from siding with Cena happened in a match at WrestleMania 33 in which the build up for the match included former Reality TV Star turned legitimate Wrestling Superstar Mike "The Miz" Mizanin having been eliminated by Cena in the Go Home Pay Per View before WrestleMania 33 and since then Miz took potshot after potshot at Cena. Miz even mocked his relationship with Nikki thanks to the help of Miz's real life wife and WWE Women's Superstar Maryse Ouellet Mizanin which culminated with a mixed tag match as Cena and his then girlfriend Nikki going up against Miz and Maryse. While the match was okay the ending was what sent me over in the most negative of reactions. (Show clip of John Cena proposing to Nikki Bella before cutting to James physically as he takes off his glasses.)

TLOTA:
Cena...HOW... DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU USE MIZ AND MARYSE IN YOUR ATTEMPT TO KEEP NIKKI BELLA AROUND WHEN YOU KNEW YOU WERE ON BORROWED TIME WITH HER! ANY GUY WITH HALF A BRAIN CELL AND A WORKING LIBIDO WOULD DO EVERYTHING FOR A WOMAN LIKE THAT AND THEY WOULD'VE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING FOR HER! AND YOU FRICKING CHOSE THE GRANDEST STAGE OF THEM ALL TO TRY A LAST DITCH GAMBIT TO MAKE IT WORK? WELL GUESS WHAT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT AND "SPOILERS" YOU DID YOUR BEST TO MAKE SURE IT WOULDN'T. HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN! YOU HAD A REAL GOOD THING AND THEN YOU MADE IT CRASH AND BURN ON NIKKI AND BRIE'S REALITY SHOW ON PURPOSE. JOHN CENA YOU ARE A DICK AND THERE WILL BE PROOF OF THAT THANKS TO YOU BEING A PART OF REALITY TV AND THE FACT THAT YOU HURT HER ON REALITY TV SHOULD BE YOUR ONE WAY TICKET TO A VINCE RUSSO LEVEL OF WRESTLING HELL TO WHICH YOU'LL BE STUCK IN FOR ALL ETERNITY! (Sighs) And what's worse... it dragged someone who got out of Reality TV back into it and he dragged his family in there as well, though admittedly his wife was already on "Total Divas" so... Just play the opening and I'll talk about it. (Cut to the Miz's shout of "AWESOME" as the opening credits of "Miz & Mrs." before cutting to clips of "Miz &  Mrs." as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Miz & Mrs" which like "Total Bellas" is a spinoff from "Total Divas" but this time centering on the married life of Mike "The Miz" Mizanin and his wife Maryse and in their very brief first season showed them moving out of their Los Angeles house dubbed Chateau MarMiz to Castle MarMiz aka their home in Houston Texas and in the midst of that Miz and Maryse had their daughter Monroe and for the most part is the least annoying of these Wrestling Reality but that's like saying the least annoying moment for Impact Wrestling in the past few years was Dixie Carter. The reason I gave up enjoying Wrestling full time. Now, don't get me wrong, it's bad but a likable type of bad. I mean I got a chuckle when Marjo blew up the implied nude photo of Miz and Maryse. I loved seeing the birth of Monroe Sky, Their journey to their new home in Austin when they accidentally left Marjo just hours away from their new home was enough to make me realize Miz can make as many mistakes like the rest of us. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But after watching all these Wrestling Reality series, I saw something that'd make Jim Cornette so harshly tear into Vince McMahon for this. Taking the talent he has and exposing their privacy. (Cut to clips of Reality TV starring Wrestling superstars as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Wrestling needs a bit of a mystery, reality shows basically shows the man behind the Wizard Of Oz  and in something like the WWE that's not good unless the mystery is there is no mystery. But still I think that with the veil is gone it takes a lot out of WWE not only in their performers but also in their show. I'm probably the only one to think this but when a Wrestler is no longer the character they are, they deserve the privacy to live the rest of their days in peace and privacy. Shoving a camera in the faces of these performers who no longer are the characters robs them of the little bit of decency left in the legends and basically robs the next generation of their momentum because it basically says "This image from Reality TV is who they are." unless they're The Miz and somehow they're able to turn their Reality TV star status into a necessary joke about who they were in the past and them saying "I am embarrassed to have that be someone's first impression of me because that is the joke. Who I am now is not that joke, who I am is here to perform in the ring and win the championship." (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Bottom Line Wrestling needs to check out of Reality TV! (Cut to a physical representation of Reality TV as it walks down the road as it gets RKO'd from out of nowhere as Michael Cole shouts "RKO! RKO!" before cutting to James physically) I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!

In Defense of... THE XFL?!?

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours and welcome to another edition of "In Defense Of..."(Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics  play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words "In Defense Of..."  before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Well, it's Super Bowl Season and as usual for New York Jets Fans most are ending their lives in a myriad of different ways. But apparently there is hope in 2020 as a new Football league is coming in and it is run by... (Cut to an image of Vince McMahon before cutting to James looking scared). Well hopefully he won't make the same mistakes he did the first time, I mean it's not like he's going to try and revive (Cut to the XFL 2020 logo and James shouting "GODDAMN IT VINCE!" before cutting to James physically) Okay, maybe it won't be the same as it was in 2001, maybe he learned more in the time in between then and now. Lord willing and the crick don't rise! But maybe there is a small amount of good that came from the 2001 attempt to change the game or perhaps Vince knew what he was doing the first time around. (Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Let's face facts The 2001 XFL season was doomed from the start! But I think even Vince McMahon knew that and for what it's worth it did somethings right. For example a rule was made that on any stoppage of play the clock would start up again once the ball was spotted. But that happened after a very, VERY DISASTEROUS MISSTEP done by the league on a Saturday Night telecast as it went into double overtime which forced Saturday Night Live to be delayed and well it wouldn't surprise me if Lorne Michaels went this level of nuts on Dick Ebersol (Cut to James in a green screen looking like a very battered, bloodied and bruised Lorne Michaels.)

Lorne Michaels:
DICK EBERSOL NOBODY EVER (BLEEP)ING DELAYS MY SHOW WHICH I HAVE FOUGHT TO STAY ON FOR THIS (BLEEP)ING LONG! YOU AND (BLEEP) MCMAHON WILL NEVER DELAY ANOTHER EPISODE OTHERWISE I WILL (BLEEP)ING BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR (BLEEP)ING XFL FOOTBALL! (Cut to a very nervous James peering up and out from behind his desk before cutting to more XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But there were more lessons learned because the Arena attendance numbers for the XFL depending on where you hear it from was doing well for itself. But the problem lied in the fact that this was meant to be a Televised Program first and a sport second. Something the new XFL will hopefully avoid making it a sport first and a TV program second. Then of course Vince went down the Gimmicks route. Starting off with an attempt for a rivalry between Rusty Tillman and Jesse Ventura the Then Minnesotan  Governor which went nowhere because Rusty Tillman didn't want anything to do with it. Then came the most absolute cheapest ploy for ratings, Vince McMahon was going to have a cameraman inside the Cheerleaders Locker Room which went... well... just watch. ( Show fantasy clip of what happened inside the Cheerleaders locker room before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay Vince whatever Crazy pills you were on at the time please tell me you're no longer on them!

(Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Then came the fact that the then titled World Wrestling Federation and XFL cross promotion in the early days of the XFL. We had Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson who played in College Football with the Miami Hurricanes to open the show and vignettes with The Undertaker and Stone Cold Steve Austin just to name a few people who should NOT have been promoting the XFL. What they should've done was have NFL legends who could've gone to training camps and advise rookies on what has to happen and give the upstart league a bit more credibility.But for whatever reason they decided against it. Hopefully they'll go that route this time. Then came a mission statement to "Evolve the sport while bringing Football back to it's roots." to para-quote Brian Zane from "Wrestling With Wreget" Okay, what roots back to the 1980's-90's era of Football where physicality was meant to be intense? The social paradigms that we had during the turbulent 1960's & 1970's? Or the Gentlemen violence at the start of the beginning of the sport until the 1950's? . The idea of bringing anything back to the way it was has not and will NEVER work because everything moves forward.The XFL should've been an evolutionary step forward for the NFL as to how to perform on TV not an attempt to take it back to a day it can never return to because it says that The XFL is out of touch and behind the times. If anyone thought that what that what Colin Kapernick got old timers upset well think again. There were legends in the sport that felt that young upstart Joe Namath was killing the sport. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

This is why Vince's competitors in the Pro Wrestling business have failed. Why Herb Abrams UWF failed. Why the AWF went under. Why so many indie companies that Vince McMahon ran out of business and the XFL 2001 season failed because it tried to take something back to a point it can never go back to. So heed my words if anyone says they're out to bring something back to it's roots, RUN LIKE HELL AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE THEY WILL BURN THEMSELVES TO THE GROUND AND POSSIBLY TAKE YOU DOWN WITH THEM. Now back to whatever it is I was talking about.

(Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

 By the "Million Dollar Championship" came out Ebersol and NBC were out of the XFL but Vince said there'd be a second season that is until UPN poached Buffy from WB and UPN expected Vince to foot the bill by cutting Smackdown by a half an hour or ending the XFL. Vince took the route all successful businessmen took. He put his money into the venture that was making the money and not costing him badly. With some of the lowest ratings to ever hit TV the XFL ended on a Pfft. But maybe that was part of McMahon's plans. See the reaction to the product as it was and see where it can go. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
As a matter of fact, I am going to go out on a line and say that the XFL 2001 season was in fact, the stress test season.

(Cut to a "Bar Rescue" episode in the middle of a Stress Test as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
A "Stress Test" is something businesses and companies do to see if everything can do well under pressure. If they succeed they will get a lot of people interested in what will happen and every employee will succeed when the kimchi hits the fan. It just surprised me that it took Vince this long to react and then try the XFL again. But this did help an alternative sports league get credibility. (Cut to clips of Arena Football League gameplay as James continues as His Voiceover) The Arena Football League got more recognition and more mainstream viewership. (Cut to NFL & other sports as James does a voiceover) And then came the fact that sports are now being filmed in the same way the XFL filmed and they've been putting mics on coaches and players as well as interviewing in mid-game so Vince may have changed how professional sports are done and some of the XFL players like Rod "He Hate Me" Smart and Tommy Maddox went on to win Super Bowls as well as The CFL Grey Cup.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But after nearly two decades since the inception of the original XFL does it deserve all the ridicule it deserved? Not really.

(Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Okay it was horribly produced, put together on the fly and cost Vince McMahon and Dick Ebersol money and credibility but watching the game play itself and how the player performance on-field was amazing and hopefully Vince learned enough to make sure what happened the first time with the XFL won't happen again when the new iteration of the XFL begins. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I mean Vince has done worse. (Cut to clips of "The Three Stooges" on Monday Night Raw, John Laurinitis running both Raw and Smackdown into the ground, The first brand split, all the times John Cena got over and newer talent was buried unnecessarily, The Invasion storyline, All of the WWE Reality shows and finally The Montreal Screwjob before cutting back to James) Yeah Vince, I never forgot and neither has the fans. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion.

The Wrestling Mark: My Wrestlemania Memories

(The Wrestling Mark intro plays before cutting to James Faraci in his office)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The.... Wait a minute! (James steps out of the review onto Rowdyc.com)

TLOTA: Play the Intro again. (The cursor goes back to The Wrestling Mark intro before pausing just before it cuts to James in his office and James paused the intro before James merges with The earlier version of himself before he powers down.)

James Faraci: Something tells me I should do this out of character and with WrestleMania around the corner, I figure I'd hijack this bit to talk about one of the few times I put WWE on my screen with "WrestleMania"! (Cut to various moments from WrestleMania 12-32 as James does a voiceover.)

James Faraci (Voiceover): And believe it or not I consider this event The SUPER BOWL of WWE and for pro-wrestling IN general and I want to take you through all the Wrestlemanias that I watched, in my lifetime, but I am going to have limit it to the time I started to watch Pro Wrestling and the WWE. (Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: So lets start for me with my first WrestleMania. WrestleMania 12! (Cut to clips of WrestleMania 12 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): The card itself was pretty damned good, relying on the in ring talent instead of celebrity names like they had done the year before. The six man tag match at the beginning was damned entertaining. However knowing that half the people participating in the match now are gone is kind of sad but enjoyable knowing their legacy remains untainted for the most part. I mean yeah, Ahmed Johnson really didn't go anywhere save for a minor Intercontinental Championship run that started on the same King Of The Ring PPV a little known wrestler known as Stone Cold Steve Austin got a fan push and Jake Roberts had gotten himself in trouble for a long time and had it not been for DDP and his Yoga Program, it would've come to no surprise that Jake The Snake would've joined sadly the ever-growing list of former wrestlers who have met with the big referee in the sky. But I digress, the match itself was good. Then came the Hollywood Backlot Brawl, I recently discovered that part of this was recorded a few weeks prior to the event and the fact they were able to intercut the footage so seamlessly is incredible but knowing the match was just a filler piece kind of knocks down what made me enjoy this one. But for me what made me thoroughly enjoy this was the pure Sportsmanship of the main event. A sixty minute Iron Man match between long simmering rivals The Hitman Bret Hart & The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. Both men trained long and hard for the match. Shawn's trainer and manager from that match all the way until January of 1997 Jose Lothario came into the ring only to point up to the top of the Arrowhead Pond's roof and Shawn zip lines down to the ring. That's not to say Bret didn't make his point known that he was there to fight. Win, Lose or Draw the match would prove detrimental to the careers of both. The storyline that led up to the match was interesting Shawn Michaels was looking to redeem himself after 1994 & 1995 turned out to be a couple of the worst years he had and Bret Hart was looking to cement himself as a real champion after regaining the Championship for the fourth time. What happened in the end was something Sylvester Stallone could've written up and for me, I gained immense respect for the two of them. (Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: Then came WrestleMania 13 (Cut to clips of WrestleMania 13 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): To me this was one of the lesser likable Wrestlemanias for a few reasons. One of the reasons being the Main Event match between The Undertaker and Sycho Sid for the Championship remains one of the lesser likable main events I've seen. Nothing to take away from The Undertaker and his streak that lasted until WrestleMania 30 but this was one of the easier wins in the streak. The rest of the card was nothing really worth writing home about. For me the submission match between Bret Hart and Stone Cold Steve Austin. This would be the last WrestleMania appearance for the Hitman for a LONG time! One of the things that made THAT match memorable was the fact it turned from what's known in wrestling parlance Bret Hart from a face to a heel but to me THAT is a LOAD! To me Bret had my respect all the way. Stone Cold Steve Austin was to me at the time a Gigantic ASS who disrespected everyone because he was a beer swilling cry-baby who thought he deserved everything handed to him on a plate! The fact he acted the way he did SHOULD not have made him a fan favorite. The fact he never truly submitted to Bret gave me a modicum of respect for the guy as he fought as tough as Bret did. (Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: I didn't warm up to Stone Cold Steve Austin until a moment that happened in the Survivor Series of 1997. I am of course talking about The Montreal Screwjob. That moment remains to me THE turning point of my enjoyment of Pro Wrestling. Any of the respect that Shawn Michaels  had earned in WrestleMania 12 got flushed down the toilet and my thoughts on the person in charge of the company Vince McMahon were not good and anyone who could beat the living daylights out of Shawn and drive Vince to insanity was okay in my book, so trust me I was looking forward to WrestleMania 14! (Cut to clips of WrestleMania 14 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): And to be honest, this really was a top notch show. The Tag Team battle royal was possibly one of the most awesome ideas. Mick Foley & Terry Funk known as that time as the team of Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie took on The New Age Outlaws and it was entertaining. Then there was the match between The Undertaker and Kane! Before the match Kane showed how much of fan of the MLB as Pete Rose came out and antagonized the crowd, Kane came out AND WHAMMY! Kane knocks Pete Rose out of the park! But the match itself definitely had it's ups and downs but after three tombstone pile drivers The Undertaker got the upper hand. But the main event was the most hyped main event ever up to this point in WrestleMania history as they got Mike Tyson as the official enforcer between Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels who had by this point in time had become a founding member of D-Generation X and quite honestly the twist of Mike Tyson giving Stone Cold the win over Shawn Michaels and to be honest this was one of the highlights in the Austin vs McMahon storyline. Look up the video in which Rowdy talks about the highlights in that storyline.

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: Then came WrestleMania 15 (Cut to clips of WrestleMania 15 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): First off the Brawl For All that happened between Bart Gunn & Butterbean well... the IWC and my friend went after it already so there's really nothing left to say about it! Most of the card was damned good all things considered. Then came the main event The Rock vs Stone Cold Steve Austin the moment when Vince just had become what he truly was inside a bad joke everyone laughed because it was SO INCREDIBLY BAD THAT YOU HAD TO LAUGH JUST TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER! But one of the most darkest moments that happened was when in Kayfabe The Undertaker in his leader of the Ministry Of Darkness days hung The Big Boss Man after beating the guy in a Hell In A Cell Match. But overall a solid card but again nothing really write home about! The only other notable match is the tag team match between Jeff Jarrett and the late Owen Hart retaining their tag team titles against Test & D'Lo Brown. What makes it sad is that this would be Owen's final WrestleMania before his untimely demise two months after this Pay Per View match. Overall not too shabby but could've been worse.

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: Or it could've really gone off the rails like WrestleMania 2000

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 2000 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): The ONLY singles match  between Terri Runnels & The Kat and that match had Val Venus as the guest referee. Otherwise a Cluster bank of  Multiple Superstars in the Same Ring! We had a triple threat two pin fall match for the now Defunct European Championship, A Triple threat Ladder Match between the Dudley Boyz, Hardy Boyz & Edge and Christian for the Tag Team Championship and then came the biggest cluster of a main event with Triple H winning with his then girlfriend and now wife Stephanie McMahon by her side! As a matter of fact the whole McMahon in every corner was excessive even by my standards. What was worse is that all four of the combatants made fun of what was going on leading up TO the match when The Rock guest hosted on SNL! Yeah that crazy people, after that it HAS to get better from here.

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: THANK THE LORD FOR WRESTLEMANIA 17 or X-Seven as it's more commonly known.

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 17 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Considered the best WrestleMania BAR NONE, the card remains one of the finest in the company's history save for Gimmick Battle Royale and the Hardcore Match. But this was also the first WrestleMania in which Vince bought WCW and it also kicked off the Invasion Storyline and well the less said the better but one of the better matches in this thing Shane McMahon vs Vince McMahon. Then came the biggest swerve in the history of the company! STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN TURNED HEEL AND SIDED WITH VINCE MCMAHON! NO ONE NOT EVEN THE IWC SAW THAT COMING! For many, outside of WrestleMania 3 this remains the best WrestleMania ever! But after something like this what can they do for an encore.

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: Well how about WrestleMania 18?

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 18 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): And I know with a card as great as what last year they somehow topped themselves between The match between Chris Jericho & Triple H for the Undisputed Championship,  The Undertaker against Ric Flair, DDP vs Christian, Stone Cold vs Scott Hall but the highlight of that one was the one NO ONE would think would happen. The Rock vs Hulk Hogan! An arena split in half between Hulk & The Rock! Holy Cow a fantasy match that sent the card to the cosmos can it get better than this?

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: Well like the Stocks in the Stock Market there has to be a crash every now and then and sadly WrestleMania 19 was the crash sadly.

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 19 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Not to say the card wasn't bad but the card but the main events were weak in comparison to some of the past WrestleManias I mean when we see Vince McMahon take on Hulk Hogan or Triple H taking on Booker T AND Rock & Stone Cold Steve Austin III you could tell some of the talent was NOT on their A-Game and WHO IN THE HELL THOUGHT IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA FOR BROCK LESNAR TO TRY A SHOOTING STAR PRESS?! But for me the highlights of this one was Shawn Michaels who had regained a modicum of my respect from me with time but not all the respect he had when he got it from the Iron Man match as he took on Y2J himself Chris Jericho, The Undertaker taking on both The Big Show AND A-Train keeping the streak a going for a while longer. A good one but not a great one.

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: (SIGHS) The next four I don't want to talk about but it appears I have no choice but to talk about. Not because they were bad or anything. As a matter of fact the cards were great but there is ONE element that puts them in near Blacklist territory. That element being Chris Benoit! I know the IWC has pretty much put blinders on and avoid talking about him. So let's burn through these Wrestlemanias quickly.

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 20, 21, 22, 23 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Now to be honest the cards were great and there were great matches including Eddie Guerreo vs Kurt Angle, the Aforementioned Chris Benoit vs Triple H, Evolution vs The Rock & Sock Connection, The Undertaker taking down Kane in 20, Randy Orton in 21, Mark Henry in 22 and Batista in 23, Rey Mysterio winning the World Heavyweight Championship in 22, John Cena winning the WWE Championship from JBL in 22 but for me the Match of 23 was Umaga vs Bobby Lashley.  Vince McMahon in Umaga's corner and OUR current President Donald Trump in Lashley's with Vince getting shaved bald and Stone Cold hitting a Stunner on the President. Also introduced into one of these Wrestlemanias was the concept of the Money In The Bank match which stipulated that the winner had ONE year after obtaining the Money In The Bank contract for a world title of one's choosing. Overall great Wrestlemanias that sadly have the black cloud of Chris Benoit hanging over them.

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: So what could WrestleManias 24, 25 & 26 bring? Well.....

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 24, 25 & 26 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): I will say that the cards were entertaining but so much was basically getting rid of some of the best talent while trying to promote the newer generation and that wasn't a bad idea in theory but to have Shawn Michaels be the one to end Ric Flair's career in WWE as an In-Ring performer in WrestleMania 24 had to break The Heartbreak Kid's heart but dragged WrestleMania 24 was The Floyd Mayweather Jr vs Big Show match that was just embarrassing to see then came what should've been the WrestleMania that was bigger than WrestleMania 3 WrestleMania 25! Not saying it was a great one I mean seeing John Cena carry both The Big Show & Edge was UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING, Triple H going up against Randy Orton was entertaining, The Money In The Bank match was incredible The Undertaker vs The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels was so good they tried to replicate it and add in a Streak vs Career stipulation next year but unfortunately the Divas Battle Royale was turned into a farce when Santina Marella won the match! Yes! The OBVIOUS GIMMICK OF SANTINA MARELLA AKA SANTINO MARELLA just made me sit in a corner and ask WHY?! Then came WrestleMania 26 Yet another great card with C.M. Punk taking on Rey Mysterio, John Cena vs Batista for the WWE Championship and Chris Jericho beating Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship, Shawn Michaels "The Heartbreak Kid" vs The Undertaker Streak vs Career all of it was amazing. Then came the match that for me should've happened in WrestleMania 23 with Bret Hart taking on Mr. McMahon or at least a match in which Bret had a hand in screwing Vince. But all things considered not bad Wrestlemanias but they could be worse.

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: They could be Wrestlemanias 27 & 28!

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 27 & 28 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): And sadly these are the worst of the worst in terms of Wrestlemanias, now please keep in mind there are good highlights in these two it's just that the cards in them were WEAK! Like the fact they got The Rock to host WrestleMania 27 and the World Heavyweight Championship match between Edge & Alberto Del Rio or The Undertaker defeating Triple H but the match that dragged was in fact the one for the WWE Championship between The Miz and John Cena. But the match that turned this one into a FARCE of a WrestleMania was having Snooki team with John Morrison & Trish Stratus to take on LayCool & Dolph Ziggler. Good fricking night this one blew man marbles and then came the straw that broke my back was in the card of WrestleMania 28 and possibly the fewest highlights in the card being Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos taking on Eve Torres & Beth Phoenix, The Undertaker taking down Triple H in a Hell in a Cell match with Shawn Michaels and The Rock defeating John Cena but it's here that I lost faith in WWE as they allowed John Laurinaitis total autonomy over Raw & Smackdown! That to me made me jump from WWE to TNA IMPACT WRESTLING!

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: If you don't believe that WWE was in the toilet check out The Three Stooges incident in April of 2012. So trust me when I say this, it would take an entire overhaul to get me back into the fold even if it's for a WrestleMania. Which is what I got for WrestleMania 29.

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 29 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): While this was a step in up in the quality of the matches in the card they were in no way as good as they were when I saw my first WrestleMania. I mean The Rock vs John Cena for the WWE Championship was better than the one from WrestleMania 28. The Undertaker beating C.M. Punk was a good one as was watching Alberto Del Rio beating Jack Swagger for the World Heavyweight Championship But this one I remember the most of this was for two reasons, One this was the last one airing on a Pay Per View format and the second one being sadly the background to the WWE reality show "Total Divas" which unfortunately introduced the world to (Cut to clip from pilot of WWE "Total Divas" in which we're introduced to Eva Marie) HER!

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: Which is why I was afraid of what she would do in the Grandest show of the WWE and on it's thirtieth outing in WrestleMania 30!

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 30 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): And to be honest this was the first one I saw in possibly the longest time. I only saw clips of Wrestlemanias 18-29 through clips on-line. But when the WWE Network came to pass, I checked out WrestleMania 30 on the WWE Network and trust me this was an amazing card. Let's start off with Daniel Bryan beating Triple H just to get a shot at the WWE Championship just for him to win it at the main event, then we have The SHIELD beating Kane and The New Age Outlaws with a Double Decker Triple Power Bomb, The WWE Divas Invitational which had AJ Lee win the bout and thankfully NOT Eva Marie, John Cena beating the demented Bray Wyatt, Cesaro winning the Andre The Giant Memorial trophy in a battle royale but the moment EVERY PERSON AND THEIR KID REMEMBERS IS THE MOMENT BROCK "THE SCHLOCK" LESNAR BROKE THE STREAK! I was in total shock, there had to be a swerve that had to restart the match so The Undertaker had a second chance but no, The Undertaker's streak was shattered in one moment everything turned upside down. What would be the point of tuning in for next year's WrestleMania?

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: Well let's dive in head first and find out shall we?

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 31 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): First off, let's start off with the Intercontinental Championship being won in a ladder match by Daniel Bryan who would sadly vacate it after Sheamus beat the Man-Crap out of him weeks later and sadly retire from in ring duties close to a year later.  John Cena taking on Rusev in what felt like an Homage to Rocky IV for the United States Championship and The Undertaker beating Bray Wyatt. Then we come to a moment I wish turned out better. Sting vs Triple H. Do I wish The Icon Sting won? YES! Do I wish he didn't have his career ending injury thus forcing him to retire? YES! DID STING DESERVE BETTER IN HIS SHORT TIME IN THE WWE? OH HELL YES! But the moment that got me fuming was when Seth Rollins decided to cash in his Money In The Bank title shot IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MAIN EVENT. Yeah there's a reason why I got angry at this. (Cut to clip of Seth Rollins threatening to injure Edge & Christian if John Cena didn't reinstate The Authority before cutting to James physically)

James Faraci: You saw that, Seth Rollins committed an act of terrorism just to get his way! Seth Rollins committed TERRORISM to get Triple H & Stephanie McMahon back into power and he never REPENTED FOR HIS ACT OF TERRORISM! NOTHING CAN OR WILL EVER MAKE ME RESPECT THAT TERRORIST TRASH! But thankfully I found WrestleMania 32 more entertaining than most people give it credit for.

(Cut to clips of WrestleMania 32 as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): And for good reason, First off my buddy Chris Lee Moore was there at the event for the entire weekend, he saw the entire event, he enjoyed just being there and for me seeing one of my friends enjoy something is always enjoyable to me. The Card? Well it was amazing. I mean seeing AJ Styles taking on Chris Jericho was a highlight as was watching Roman Reigns win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship in the main event, The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal was entertaining, The Women's title match was great. As was watching The New Day take on The League Of Nations.  Then there was Zack Ryder winning the Intercontinental Championship that was entertaining and of course The Hell In A Cell Match between Shane McMahon and The Undertaker, I still see reaction videos that show fans lose their minds. That's always entertaining. The problem? IT WAS TOO DAMNED LONG! IT WAS NEARLY MIDNIGHT HERE ON THE EAST COAST WHEN THE MAIN EVENT ENDED! Will the matches be better timed? I hope so. Why? So I can go to bed before 11:45 P.M. EST!

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: What else should I expect this year?(Cut to various moments from WrestleMania 12-32 as James does a voiceover.)

James Faraci (Voiceover): I want to see a card that is tight and entertaining as it could be! I want to see people cheer for their favorite wrestler as they fight to triumph over impossible odds! I want to see something so amazing people will talk about for years to come. I STILL hear from people who loved the Iron Man Match between Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart, I still hear from people who loved it when Shawn Michaels got his lights knocked out by Mike Tyson! Hell even those from WrestleMania 28 have memories that they enjoy. So can we expect more great memories? Absolutely even if the matches aren't good there will always be something memorable about the Greatest Wrestling Show of the Year "WrestleMania!"

(Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: Thanks for checking out my WrestleMania memories, next time I'll be back in character and dealing with...(James looks at his clipboard and says "CRAP!" before cutting to an image of James with a gigantic open faced smile as the Losing Horn from "The Price Is Right" plays as a stamp places over the face "APRIL FOOL'S")

Reality Checkout: "WWE Total Diva" Eva Marie!

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James.)

TLOTA: Believe it or not, I was once a wrestling fan but then came bad choices left and right like when WWE bought out WCW, then came the first attempt at the brand split between Raw & Smackdown! The straw that broke my back as a WWE fan was giving John Laurinitis control of both shows and after that came me being a fan of TNA or as they're calling themselves now Impact Wrestling. The less said about that company and Dixie Carter's ability to run the company the better because they forced me into being a retired Pro Wrestling Fan. I'll watch if there's nothing else except for Lucha Underground or WCPW they seem to be giving me effort in their promotions though I will check out the occasional WWE Royal Rumble and or WrestleMania but the only reason I don't watch is for one red headed reason! (Cut to an image of Becky Lynch and James shouts "NO! Rowdy likes her and I'm okay with her!" before cutting to James physically) I'm talking about a red headed headache that (Audio of Eva Marie's intro plays as James rubs his head to try to alleviate his headache.) GOD TAKE ME NOW! (Cut to clips of Eva Marie in the WWE as James Faraci does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): I am of course talking about the talentless wonder who never paid her dues in the indie promotions who can't even do a botch right. I am talking about everything all red including WWE seeing as how much money they lost in trying to promote her as a wrestler or Sports Entertainer Eva Marie! Now I'm sure in real life she's a decent person and hard working but HO BOY I dare my friend Chris Lee Moore to poll 10 fans of the Women's division of WWE and if he was to ask them to say who they think is the most talentless and incapable wrestler in either brand and I guarantee that Eva Marie will land in the somewhere in the top ten on those fan's lists. But why is that? (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Well we have our old double decker pain in the boob tube for that Reality TV And The E! Network home of the Nemesis to good taste The Kardashians! (Cut to the opening of "Total Divas" before cutting to clips of "Total Divas" featuring Eva Marie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): "Total Divas" is a behind the scenes look of lives of the wrestlers of Women's division of The WWE but to give it a little pop of extra interest they had for the first season two newbies. One was a girl named Jojo, She went nowhere in the WWE and the other who became a breakout star because of this show is Eva Marie! And believe it or not as I did research on her, she had not one hour, not one SECOND of indie league wrestling matches in order to build her credibility, So why did they hire her? Because she looked like she came off the cover of one of those men magazines that you need to wrap in colored plastic that only shows the title of the magazine and nothing else. I wish it was a friggin' joke. This is actually one of her earliest on-air appearances (Show clip in which Eva Marie in 12 Corazones as she basically does a strip tease before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: That's right! Eva Marie was on a Spanish Dating Show in which she did more to make men like her there than in anything she ever did in WWE. Also notice something about her hair color? (Cut to the clip again as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The one who is EVERYTHING ALL RED IS A RAVEN HAIRED WOMAN who even if men in and out of the ring wanted her they can't have her! She has been legally married since 2014!(Cut to clips of other WWE & other female wrestlers fighting as James continues of his voiceover) And for those wondering no, I do not dislike all female wrestlers! One of my favorites shattered the Glass Ceiling last year as Lucha Underground Luchadora Sexy Star WON the Lucha Underground Championship. Trish Stratus remains one of the most beautiful wrestlers I've ever seen and she went from Pin-Up to one of the most decorated WWE Women's Champions of all time. Lita was one of the most insane fighters in the ring but when her personal problems with being in a relationship was more than enough to drive the fans against her and how it led to her having a breakdown and retiring from Wrestling and the WWE, I was amazed she lasted a year as a inactive personality in WWE, then we have A.J. Lee who chose her husband C.M. Punk over her career! That is an amazing female wrestler with conviction to stand for her rights and be with her husband than with the company that fired said husband on their wedding day! THEIR FREAKING WEDDING DAY! But I don't hold the McMahons responsible for that. I do hold Vinnie Mac for hiring Eva Marie. However it seems even the WWE don't know what to do with her. Especially on the series that put her into prominence. While her Suspension eventually ended I think this maybe a case where she realizes she will never be the professional wrestler she thinks she's gonna be. Trust me, if she ever gets in the WWE Hall Of Fame in about 20 years or so, it'll take a miracle because she is no wrestler, she's no Lita, She's no Trish Stratus, HELL Chyna did more in her career in the WWE than Eva Marie would ever do. For all I know, she'll be in a Marriage Counseling reality show just to regain some of glory of WWE Total Divas days! (Cut to James Faraci Physically)

TLOTA: And if this doesn't prove that Eva Marie is only famous because she's on Reality TV then guess what, nothing will. But if she wants to be only known for her reality show success then I suggest you keep doing what you're doing now. If she wants to prove me wrong then I suggest she do something about it like say work on her wrestling moves or work more indie promotions and earn her way back into WWE and their fandom's good graces and do the one other thing in order for her advance as a professional wrestler and Check out of Reality TV! (Cut to Eva Marie's intro with announcement and James adding "Who must check out of Reality TV in order to prove she's really a wrestler and not a flash in the pan" before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: Now if you'll excuse me 2017 is going to find me going through a lot, I hope I survive. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!