(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James in his office.)
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James in his office.)
TLOTA:
In 2017, I covered one singular Wrestling Reality TV star Eva Marie, who I heard has gone on to move past her reality tv star status to become a sunglasses/fashion designer and to that I say good for her to find her niche outside of her reality tv fame. But at the time she was, in my opinion, only famous for being a "Wrestler" in title only on Reality TV, that's only because I never saw her as a wrestler, I saw her as a reality tv star and thankfully she's not... (Cut to a still of Eva Marie in "Celebrity Big Brother 2" as James shouts "SON OF A BITCH!" before cutting to James Physically). WHY...ARE... YOU... DOING THIS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMARTER THAN TO DO THIS?! THEN YOU PROVE ME RIGHT BY BEING IN THIS? YOU... YOU... REALITY TV STAR! (James sighs) But I guess it didn't hurt that my memories reminded me specifically that Reality TV and WWE have been together for quite a while! (Cut to clips of "Tough Enough" as James does a voiceover)
In 2017, I covered one singular Wrestling Reality TV star Eva Marie, who I heard has gone on to move past her reality tv star status to become a sunglasses/fashion designer and to that I say good for her to find her niche outside of her reality tv fame. But at the time she was, in my opinion, only famous for being a "Wrestler" in title only on Reality TV, that's only because I never saw her as a wrestler, I saw her as a reality tv star and thankfully she's not... (Cut to a still of Eva Marie in "Celebrity Big Brother 2" as James shouts "SON OF A BITCH!" before cutting to James Physically). WHY...ARE... YOU... DOING THIS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMARTER THAN TO DO THIS?! THEN YOU PROVE ME RIGHT BY BEING IN THIS? YOU... YOU... REALITY TV STAR! (James sighs) But I guess it didn't hurt that my memories reminded me specifically that Reality TV and WWE have been together for quite a while! (Cut to clips of "Tough Enough" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA(Voiceover):
"Tough Enough" was meant to highlight newer talent that the WWE could get behind and show what goes on behind "Sports Entertainment". However after a few years on MTV the series ended there with only a few truly talented superstars being recognized in WWE as well as in Pro-Wrestling. So soon after they reformatted the concept to a challenge on WWE's Raw and Smackdown brands which didn't last long in that format. Then came the third and fourth revival attempt and if you know who went on to succeed, then let me know in the comment section. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
However one name that had something of a legacy before he was on reality tv was... One moment (James walks away and whispers are heard in the background for a few seconds before coming back into frame) Okay, just needed some clarity because for a while the name I'm about to say was blacklisted for a while but apparently time has forgiven my next example... (Cut to clips of Hulk Hogan's legendary career as "Real American" by Rick Derringer plays in the foreground and James does a voiceover)
However one name that had something of a legacy before he was on reality tv was... One moment (James walks away and whispers are heard in the background for a few seconds before coming back into frame) Okay, just needed some clarity because for a while the name I'm about to say was blacklisted for a while but apparently time has forgiven my next example... (Cut to clips of Hulk Hogan's legendary career as "Real American" by Rick Derringer plays in the foreground and James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Hulk Hogan is considered a legend. Back in the 1980's and 1990's his career was unrivaled by anyone. When he was in the WWE then known as the WWF he turned Pro-Wrestling from bar room fare to family friendly entertainment holding the Championship several times throughout the 1980's. Making a name for himself at WrestleMania 3 as he took on Andre The Giant. When the Hulkster jumped from WWF to the then rival WCW in the mid-1990's he helped keep wrestling going after one of the best Heel turns in the biz when he, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash formed the n.W.o. However by the late 2000's, Hulk's career in the ring started to wind down a bit and he needed to find a new niche for his career. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And sadly when he found it, his career and personal life went the way of the territory days of Pro Wrestling. That moment happened when he appeared on Reality TV! (Cut to the intro of "Hogan Knows Best" before cutting to clips of "Hogan Knows Best" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Hogan Knows Best" showed the fans of Hogan a peek into Hogan's personal life ala "The Osbournes" and other reality shows of the same ilk. But the show had a secondary purpose to help Hulk's daughter Brooke start a career in music which went nowhere but downwards quickly and after the series ended things went south for Hogan in his real personal life, Linda had filed for Divorce from Hulk, his son Nick had been arrested on almost killing his friend with his reckless driving and as for Brooke? Well... (Cut to intro to "Brooke Knows Best" before cutting to clips of "Brooke Knows Best" as James continues his voiceover) "Brooke Knows Best" followed Brooke Hogan as she left her very destroyed family in an attempt to start fresh. While she did love her brother and parents, she had to have her own life and with cameras on her and her very long legs. Thankfully after a while Brooke realized that having the camera on her was a liability instead of being a detriment to her career and ended her relationship with Reality TV just as quickly as she started her attempt to bolster her career with "Brooke Knows Best". (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Her father on the other hand...Well... (Cut to clips of Hulk Hogan on any Reality TV show he hosted and or was associated with as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
He appeared on so many reality shows including a revamping of "American Gladiators" which was short lived, hosted an Z-List Celebrity challenge show called "Celebrity Challenge Wrestling" a brief appearance on another revamping of "Tough Enough" before some racial slurs blacklisted Hogan again, A small persons pro-wrestling league. Every single appearance on reality TV crippled his legacy, destroyed his legitimacy and turned Hulk Hogan from an Icon to a cartoonish caricature of who he used to be. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
No wonder he nearly contemplated eating a gun. If my legacy was demolished with every appearance in a genre of TV meant to basically look at humans and show us as the lowest rung on the evolutionary ladder, I'd want to end things as much as Hulk wanted to. But by the mid 2010's WWE needed something to help them return to prominence and as it was mentioned when I ripped Eva Marie for this the WWE went back to Reality TV on the same network that gave us the Kardashians! (Cut to intros to both "Total Divas" & "Total Bellas" before cutting to clips from those series as James does a voiceover about both series.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
As I mentioned before in my Reality Checkout of Eva Marie, "Total Divas" was meant to be a platform to help show what it was like for the women's division of the WWE then known as the "Divas" division and what it would be like for them in the world of Pro Wrestling in the WWE. Of course the breakout star in it's inception was Eva Marie. While eventually her career did end there with many a smark saying "Hallelujah", I eventually felt guilty for saying such a comment and I have since renounced my negative thoughts and emotions towards her. I'm not proud of what I said about her or how her career in the WWE ended but again I am glad that she has found her true career. But I digress, The success of "Total Divas" led to the spin off for Nikki and Brie Bella dubbed "Total Bellas" which looked at Nikki's relationship with John Cena and Brie's with her husband Daniel Bryan. While it did show what their personal relationships were like especially with Brie giving birth to her daughter Birdie it also showed the total destruction of not only the relationship between Nikki and Cena but also the downfall of John Cena's reputation with women as it showed him not only talking down to Nikki but shooting down all her hopes and dreams of a Happily Ever After which included marrying and starting a family with Cena. (Cut to clips of WWE as Miz attacks Cena and then clips of WrestleMania 33 as James continues his voiceover) But the tipping point that tipped me away from siding with Cena happened in a match at WrestleMania 33 in which the build up for the match included former Reality TV Star turned legitimate Wrestling Superstar Mike "The Miz" Mizanin having been eliminated by Cena in the Go Home Pay Per View before WrestleMania 33 and since then Miz took potshot after potshot at Cena. Miz even mocked his relationship with Nikki thanks to the help of Miz's real life wife and WWE Women's Superstar Maryse Ouellet Mizanin which culminated with a mixed tag match as Cena and his then girlfriend Nikki going up against Miz and Maryse. While the match was okay the ending was what sent me over in the most negative of reactions. (Show clip of John Cena proposing to Nikki Bella before cutting to James physically as he takes off his glasses.)
TLOTA:
Cena...HOW... DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU USE MIZ AND MARYSE IN YOUR ATTEMPT TO KEEP NIKKI BELLA AROUND WHEN YOU KNEW YOU WERE ON BORROWED TIME WITH HER! ANY GUY WITH HALF A BRAIN CELL AND A WORKING LIBIDO WOULD DO EVERYTHING FOR A WOMAN LIKE THAT AND THEY WOULD'VE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING FOR HER! AND YOU FRICKING CHOSE THE GRANDEST STAGE OF THEM ALL TO TRY A LAST DITCH GAMBIT TO MAKE IT WORK? WELL GUESS WHAT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT AND "SPOILERS" YOU DID YOUR BEST TO MAKE SURE IT WOULDN'T. HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN! YOU HAD A REAL GOOD THING AND THEN YOU MADE IT CRASH AND BURN ON NIKKI AND BRIE'S REALITY SHOW ON PURPOSE. JOHN CENA YOU ARE A DICK AND THERE WILL BE PROOF OF THAT THANKS TO YOU BEING A PART OF REALITY TV AND THE FACT THAT YOU HURT HER ON REALITY TV SHOULD BE YOUR ONE WAY TICKET TO A VINCE RUSSO LEVEL OF WRESTLING HELL TO WHICH YOU'LL BE STUCK IN FOR ALL ETERNITY! (Sighs) And what's worse... it dragged someone who got out of Reality TV back into it and he dragged his family in there as well, though admittedly his wife was already on "Total Divas" so... Just play the opening and I'll talk about it. (Cut to the Miz's shout of "AWESOME" as the opening credits of "Miz & Mrs." before cutting to clips of "Miz & Mrs." as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Miz & Mrs" which like "Total Bellas" is a spinoff from "Total Divas" but this time centering on the married life of Mike "The Miz" Mizanin and his wife Maryse and in their very brief first season showed them moving out of their Los Angeles house dubbed Chateau MarMiz to Castle MarMiz aka their home in Houston Texas and in the midst of that Miz and Maryse had their daughter Monroe and for the most part is the least annoying of these Wrestling Reality but that's like saying the least annoying moment for Impact Wrestling in the past few years was Dixie Carter. The reason I gave up enjoying Wrestling full time. Now, don't get me wrong, it's bad but a likable type of bad. I mean I got a chuckle when Marjo blew up the implied nude photo of Miz and Maryse. I loved seeing the birth of Monroe Sky, Their journey to their new home in Austin when they accidentally left Marjo just hours away from their new home was enough to make me realize Miz can make as many mistakes like the rest of us. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
But after watching all these Wrestling Reality series, I saw something that'd make Jim Cornette so harshly tear into Vince McMahon for this. Taking the talent he has and exposing their privacy. (Cut to clips of Reality TV starring Wrestling superstars as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Wrestling needs a bit of a mystery, reality shows basically shows the man behind the Wizard Of Oz and in something like the WWE that's not good unless the mystery is there is no mystery. But still I think that with the veil is gone it takes a lot out of WWE not only in their performers but also in their show. I'm probably the only one to think this but when a Wrestler is no longer the character they are, they deserve the privacy to live the rest of their days in peace and privacy. Shoving a camera in the faces of these performers who no longer are the characters robs them of the little bit of decency left in the legends and basically robs the next generation of their momentum because it basically says "This image from Reality TV is who they are." unless they're The Miz and somehow they're able to turn their Reality TV star status into a necessary joke about who they were in the past and them saying "I am embarrassed to have that be someone's first impression of me because that is the joke. Who I am now is not that joke, who I am is here to perform in the ring and win the championship." (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Bottom Line Wrestling needs to check out of Reality TV! (Cut to a physical representation of Reality TV as it walks down the road as it gets RKO'd from out of nowhere as Michael Cole shouts "RKO! RKO!" before cutting to James physically) I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!
Hulk Hogan is considered a legend. Back in the 1980's and 1990's his career was unrivaled by anyone. When he was in the WWE then known as the WWF he turned Pro-Wrestling from bar room fare to family friendly entertainment holding the Championship several times throughout the 1980's. Making a name for himself at WrestleMania 3 as he took on Andre The Giant. When the Hulkster jumped from WWF to the then rival WCW in the mid-1990's he helped keep wrestling going after one of the best Heel turns in the biz when he, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash formed the n.W.o. However by the late 2000's, Hulk's career in the ring started to wind down a bit and he needed to find a new niche for his career. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And sadly when he found it, his career and personal life went the way of the territory days of Pro Wrestling. That moment happened when he appeared on Reality TV! (Cut to the intro of "Hogan Knows Best" before cutting to clips of "Hogan Knows Best" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Hogan Knows Best" showed the fans of Hogan a peek into Hogan's personal life ala "The Osbournes" and other reality shows of the same ilk. But the show had a secondary purpose to help Hulk's daughter Brooke start a career in music which went nowhere but downwards quickly and after the series ended things went south for Hogan in his real personal life, Linda had filed for Divorce from Hulk, his son Nick had been arrested on almost killing his friend with his reckless driving and as for Brooke? Well... (Cut to intro to "Brooke Knows Best" before cutting to clips of "Brooke Knows Best" as James continues his voiceover) "Brooke Knows Best" followed Brooke Hogan as she left her very destroyed family in an attempt to start fresh. While she did love her brother and parents, she had to have her own life and with cameras on her and her very long legs. Thankfully after a while Brooke realized that having the camera on her was a liability instead of being a detriment to her career and ended her relationship with Reality TV just as quickly as she started her attempt to bolster her career with "Brooke Knows Best". (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Her father on the other hand...Well... (Cut to clips of Hulk Hogan on any Reality TV show he hosted and or was associated with as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
He appeared on so many reality shows including a revamping of "American Gladiators" which was short lived, hosted an Z-List Celebrity challenge show called "Celebrity Challenge Wrestling" a brief appearance on another revamping of "Tough Enough" before some racial slurs blacklisted Hogan again, A small persons pro-wrestling league. Every single appearance on reality TV crippled his legacy, destroyed his legitimacy and turned Hulk Hogan from an Icon to a cartoonish caricature of who he used to be. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
No wonder he nearly contemplated eating a gun. If my legacy was demolished with every appearance in a genre of TV meant to basically look at humans and show us as the lowest rung on the evolutionary ladder, I'd want to end things as much as Hulk wanted to. But by the mid 2010's WWE needed something to help them return to prominence and as it was mentioned when I ripped Eva Marie for this the WWE went back to Reality TV on the same network that gave us the Kardashians! (Cut to intros to both "Total Divas" & "Total Bellas" before cutting to clips from those series as James does a voiceover about both series.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
As I mentioned before in my Reality Checkout of Eva Marie, "Total Divas" was meant to be a platform to help show what it was like for the women's division of the WWE then known as the "Divas" division and what it would be like for them in the world of Pro Wrestling in the WWE. Of course the breakout star in it's inception was Eva Marie. While eventually her career did end there with many a smark saying "Hallelujah", I eventually felt guilty for saying such a comment and I have since renounced my negative thoughts and emotions towards her. I'm not proud of what I said about her or how her career in the WWE ended but again I am glad that she has found her true career. But I digress, The success of "Total Divas" led to the spin off for Nikki and Brie Bella dubbed "Total Bellas" which looked at Nikki's relationship with John Cena and Brie's with her husband Daniel Bryan. While it did show what their personal relationships were like especially with Brie giving birth to her daughter Birdie it also showed the total destruction of not only the relationship between Nikki and Cena but also the downfall of John Cena's reputation with women as it showed him not only talking down to Nikki but shooting down all her hopes and dreams of a Happily Ever After which included marrying and starting a family with Cena. (Cut to clips of WWE as Miz attacks Cena and then clips of WrestleMania 33 as James continues his voiceover) But the tipping point that tipped me away from siding with Cena happened in a match at WrestleMania 33 in which the build up for the match included former Reality TV Star turned legitimate Wrestling Superstar Mike "The Miz" Mizanin having been eliminated by Cena in the Go Home Pay Per View before WrestleMania 33 and since then Miz took potshot after potshot at Cena. Miz even mocked his relationship with Nikki thanks to the help of Miz's real life wife and WWE Women's Superstar Maryse Ouellet Mizanin which culminated with a mixed tag match as Cena and his then girlfriend Nikki going up against Miz and Maryse. While the match was okay the ending was what sent me over in the most negative of reactions. (Show clip of John Cena proposing to Nikki Bella before cutting to James physically as he takes off his glasses.)
TLOTA:
Cena...HOW... DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU USE MIZ AND MARYSE IN YOUR ATTEMPT TO KEEP NIKKI BELLA AROUND WHEN YOU KNEW YOU WERE ON BORROWED TIME WITH HER! ANY GUY WITH HALF A BRAIN CELL AND A WORKING LIBIDO WOULD DO EVERYTHING FOR A WOMAN LIKE THAT AND THEY WOULD'VE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING FOR HER! AND YOU FRICKING CHOSE THE GRANDEST STAGE OF THEM ALL TO TRY A LAST DITCH GAMBIT TO MAKE IT WORK? WELL GUESS WHAT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT AND "SPOILERS" YOU DID YOUR BEST TO MAKE SURE IT WOULDN'T. HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN! YOU HAD A REAL GOOD THING AND THEN YOU MADE IT CRASH AND BURN ON NIKKI AND BRIE'S REALITY SHOW ON PURPOSE. JOHN CENA YOU ARE A DICK AND THERE WILL BE PROOF OF THAT THANKS TO YOU BEING A PART OF REALITY TV AND THE FACT THAT YOU HURT HER ON REALITY TV SHOULD BE YOUR ONE WAY TICKET TO A VINCE RUSSO LEVEL OF WRESTLING HELL TO WHICH YOU'LL BE STUCK IN FOR ALL ETERNITY! (Sighs) And what's worse... it dragged someone who got out of Reality TV back into it and he dragged his family in there as well, though admittedly his wife was already on "Total Divas" so... Just play the opening and I'll talk about it. (Cut to the Miz's shout of "AWESOME" as the opening credits of "Miz & Mrs." before cutting to clips of "Miz & Mrs." as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Miz & Mrs" which like "Total Bellas" is a spinoff from "Total Divas" but this time centering on the married life of Mike "The Miz" Mizanin and his wife Maryse and in their very brief first season showed them moving out of their Los Angeles house dubbed Chateau MarMiz to Castle MarMiz aka their home in Houston Texas and in the midst of that Miz and Maryse had their daughter Monroe and for the most part is the least annoying of these Wrestling Reality but that's like saying the least annoying moment for Impact Wrestling in the past few years was Dixie Carter. The reason I gave up enjoying Wrestling full time. Now, don't get me wrong, it's bad but a likable type of bad. I mean I got a chuckle when Marjo blew up the implied nude photo of Miz and Maryse. I loved seeing the birth of Monroe Sky, Their journey to their new home in Austin when they accidentally left Marjo just hours away from their new home was enough to make me realize Miz can make as many mistakes like the rest of us. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
But after watching all these Wrestling Reality series, I saw something that'd make Jim Cornette so harshly tear into Vince McMahon for this. Taking the talent he has and exposing their privacy. (Cut to clips of Reality TV starring Wrestling superstars as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Wrestling needs a bit of a mystery, reality shows basically shows the man behind the Wizard Of Oz and in something like the WWE that's not good unless the mystery is there is no mystery. But still I think that with the veil is gone it takes a lot out of WWE not only in their performers but also in their show. I'm probably the only one to think this but when a Wrestler is no longer the character they are, they deserve the privacy to live the rest of their days in peace and privacy. Shoving a camera in the faces of these performers who no longer are the characters robs them of the little bit of decency left in the legends and basically robs the next generation of their momentum because it basically says "This image from Reality TV is who they are." unless they're The Miz and somehow they're able to turn their Reality TV star status into a necessary joke about who they were in the past and them saying "I am embarrassed to have that be someone's first impression of me because that is the joke. Who I am now is not that joke, who I am is here to perform in the ring and win the championship." (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Bottom Line Wrestling needs to check out of Reality TV! (Cut to a physical representation of Reality TV as it walks down the road as it gets RKO'd from out of nowhere as Michael Cole shouts "RKO! RKO!" before cutting to James physically) I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!
