The Summer Of Summer Spectaculars schedule/ Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure update

(Opening starts off with a Black background)

James Faraci (Audio only):
So yeah, it has been a while since I went here, hasn't it? ( The words "Four years" appear as a ding dong noise is heard.) I know, I know, Let's just do it, already!

(Cut to shots of three teenage girls from "H2O: Just Add Water" as they dive into the water as the scene changes to the Moon Pool on Mako Island as the three teenage girls come up as mermaids before cutting to three teenage mermaids and Zac Blakely falling into the Moon Pool from "Mako Mermaids" before cutting to Zac Blakely of "Mako Mermaids" in his merman form before cutting to an image of an island and a pod of mermaids outside of Mako Island as it cuts to a scene of James in a lounge chair and the words "Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure" above James all the while The Opening themes to both "H2O: Just Add Water" & "Mako Mermaids" intercut together before cutting to clips of both "H2O: Just Add Water", "Mako Mermaids",  Season 1 of "The Bureau Of Magical Things", and the Season 2 trailer of "The Bureau Of Magical Things" intercut together as James does a voiceover) 

James Faraci (V.O.):
Okay, I know it has been a few years and I did make a promise to eventually do a follow-up. However that was when I thought there was going to be a movie, however, a couple of months ago, I had heard that there would be another season would happen. As such if it does happen and when it does come to pass. I will sit through and if it does what I hope it will. Then I can end this with Evie's Screwjob rectified and things ending on the right note. Also before I forget, there was a reunion of sorts. You can find the reunion by clicking here. Several of the cast members were involved.  In addition, I got a surprising bit of information on Instagram. The actress Gemma Forsyth who played Evie in "Mako Mermaids" was waiting on a scheduled appointment to take care of her hair and had an Impromptu Q & A with her fans and I asked if or when there'd be more with "Mako Mermaids" and if so would Evie's Screwjob be rectified. Her response was that she wasn't sure and had not heard anything about anything new with "Mako Mermaids". But as for what happened to Evie in the last season of "Mako Mermaids" apparently Jonathan M. Schiff approved what happened to Evie in that final season which means he's as guilty as the writers who hated both Evie and Gemma Forsyth. This means that if this new season does happen, The rectification of Evie's Screwjob MUST happen. 

Also before I forget, I have checked out the first season of "The Bureau Of Magical Things" and while it did vaguely reference Mako Island in one episode and there was a photo of a human with a mermaid. While the first season was good and had some amazing episodes and I recommend it, I have to say it is a distant cousin series. Meaning they might reference another Schiff series like "H2O: Just Add Water" or "Mako Mermaids" or some far-off series like "The Elephant Princess" (Which was also a Series produced by Schiff.) it is not directly connected. Apparently, there has been a second season that just finished production which had to be shut down due to COVID and when it picked up everyone from the series was on board. Also, there are more hints about a connection between the Schiff-verse of Mermaids and this series. For example, some time in the series is actually set in the same area in China Weilan was from. Also, the actress who played Nerissa, Tasneem Roc, is going to be guest-starring in a few episodes. As well as one of the main characters being accidentally and temporarily becoming a mermaid which may mean they may be working towards the rectification of Evie's Screwjob.

Now I know what some of you are asking yourselves "If you know what's going on, Why haven't you updated things sooner?". The reason is simple, I did it, three years ago as a two-part sequel I did in my fifth anniversary year of doing "The Last Of The Americans" I talked about it in a mini editorial on the project what I wanted to see in any future projects involving the Schiff-verse of Mermaids, which you can find here. I also did what I called a shared top ten. For every episode of one series a secondary series that was so connected to another series that both had to share the list. The first time was my "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"/"Angel" top 13. But for both "H2O" & "Mako", it was your average top ten except for the fact that I cast "Mako Mermaids" star Chai Romruen or otherwise known as Chai Hansen on some series on the CW which I never saw and the final season of the series "Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments" which is NOT even remotely connected to the god awful movie starring Lily Collins which when released died on impact. But I digress. The mini editorial and the Top Ten, which you can find here, was meant to cap my involvement in the Schiff-verse of Mermaids until there was news to report on or another series that would connect to the other two series.

And now to answer the biggest question, Why am I talking about this now? Unlike a certain useless Tiki-headed mentor to the Power Rangers I will say that "There is a simple explanation for that." and unlike that worthless Tiki Head, I will explain. Last year was pretty much one of the worst for all of us, myself included. The same day that I had posted "The Different Cuts of Peter Jackson's Lord Of The Rings" was also the day the site I congregate on was shut down and it was also the day my dad died. Meaning the site where I had used for the shared home of "Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure" and my other summer specials I had done years ago was gone, momentarily. A few weeks later, Manic-Expression.com was restarted and I once again had to post my backlog, along with doing my monthly workload and that meant big gaps in what I could or would be able to post. This is why this update is sharing time with what I call "The Summer of Summer Spectaculars" and how I will be scheduling it.

Starting June 21st I will be starting off with my first big Summer Spectacular that I posted on the original Manic Expression. "The Big 3" during that week I will be posting the three reviews that I did originally on myspace (I'm ancient! I get it!) and the epilogue. Then after the fourth of July, I will post my first big Summer Spectacular that did which remains to this day the highest read special I did one of the three that I now have to disown professionally due to the fact that certain people involved in a site that has become a toxic waste site turned out to be assholes and sadly the sequels to said Summer Spectacular which also I have professionally disowned.  And throughout August time permitting, if I am not in the middle of other projects, one of them being, I hope, making my movie, I will be putting "Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure" back on Manic-Expression.com. 

Thanks for checking this out and whatever happens next in the Schiff-verse of Mermaids I will be there to update things further and have a nice day.

Hitting all the right & wrong "Scales"

    (0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours. Let's talk about "Scales: Mermaids Are Real." (Cut to the opening credit of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. Cut to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
No real build-up, no true reason why except maybe just for funsies, I'd check out a movie that got approved by The Dove Foundation and possibly something for fun and given the state of fear and anxiety I have right now due to circumstances beyond my control, I need something to relax me so I can get through the rest of this year. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And apparently, with time against me and other things (The sound of pounding and banging is heard as demonic ranting and raving is heard as the footage shakes.) THIS IS "SCALES: MERMAIDS ARE REAL!" (Cut to clips of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As the movie begins we're shown that this movie is produced by Fromage Productions so you know it was gonna be cheesy! We soon are given images of Mermaids as we come exposition animation as the credits roll. We soon come upon a young girl named Siren played by Emmy Perry coming up for air as she gives us exposition about her dreams. (Show clip of Siren as she talks about her dreams. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover) We're soon introduced to her foster mom Tiffany played by "Law & Order" alumni Elisabeth Röhm as she takes Siren off to school where she meets a kid with brittle bone disease amongst his other problems named Adam played by Jack Grazer and her long time friend Crystal played by Nikki Hahn. During science class in which the science teacher who may come off nice, needs to know when to be bubbly and when to be the disciplinarian of her class they talk about metamorphosis as Siren somehow is able to manipulate the water in a bottle. Running scared she decides on talking to her friend wonders what is going on with her? (Show clip of Crystal and Siren talking and certain things are talked about including certain girl/women things. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Give her a break, What she doesn't need is the Spanish Inquisition! (Cut to the entrance to James' Studio as the Monty Python "Spanish Inquisition" stinger plays and as a trio of performers dressed as Inquisitors scream "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" Scene cuts to James as the sounds of slaughter are being heard)

TLOTA:
Well, the funerals for those poor guys are gonna have to come out of my budget! (Cut to clips of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Eventually Siren shows her abilities. The two talk as we see some truly strange things happening as Siren is scared by the people around her as if people are looking at her. Later on, Siren and her foster mother come in and the two talk about her birth mom and how much Siren's birth mom would love Siren. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: 
Which based on the title, yeah, this just reinforces a trope when it comes to Mermaids becoming moms, and sadly how they SUCK at motherhood! (1970's Gameshow music plays in the background of clips of mothers and different mermaids as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
I'm not knocking motherhood as easy, But let's face it when you give birth to a child, ninety-five percent of your free time now belongs to taking care of a child. This movie and movies like  "The Thirteenth Year",  and the Barbie "Mermaid Tale" movies show this trope, even the series "Mako Mermaids" & "Siren" has that trope that Mermaids aren't the best mothers though, in the latter's defense, it wasn't like Ryn played by Eline Powell was glad to give her up the daughter to her pod. Maybe that's something that needed to be addressed more those sort of feelings as to why this happened and how much it hurt the mermaid to give up their child and how much she wanted to be in her child's life. Mermaids becoming mothers and how it can be a good thing for the mother mermaid to teach the offspring about themselves and what to expect in the world. This is one problem I have with the Disney Animated "Little Mermaid" movies. The third one showed that Ariel did have a mom for the first few formative years, While yes Ariel's mom was killed because... makes it easy. There should've been more time dedicated to Ariel learning to explore because maybe her mom loved doing it and it would've led to Ariel being the way she was. Call me nuts but we need to see more movies when it comes to mermaids and motherhood, it needs to be handled better. (Cut to James as he sighs.)

TLOTA:
But I digress, on with the review. (Cut to clips of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Later on, Adam and Siren have a brief conversation, quickly becoming friends as Adam tells Siren about himself more. The next day as Siren sports the present Crystal gave her the day before, glows which forces Crystal to stay away from Siren. That night Crystal and her mom played by Kim Hidalgo and it's at Dinner that with the subtlety this movie can afford, tells Siren she's becoming a mermaid and that Crystal is going to be a half-blooded mermaid just like her mom. Not handling the news well, Siren takes a bath which doesn't quell her fears as well... (Cut to clip of Siren's feet becoming more fin-like and passes out. Cut to the movie as James continues his voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
That could've been worse! (Cut to clips of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
After a brief trip to the Hospital, Siren is invited to a meeting where other mermaids are. Siren heads to Adam's father's house as he and a friend of his named Brody meet Siren as she secretly tells Adam about what's happening to her. Adam supports her as Siren finds a book that reveals Adam's family and associates are Mermaid Hunters. Running back home Siren tells her foster mother about Adam's dad and her foster mom tells her to stay away from Adam and to give her an aerator to protect her newly developing gills. The next morning after having a dream about her birth mom, Siren decides to opt away from wearing it, leading to this somewhat comedic moment. (Cut to the moment in which Siren passes out and is taken to the Principal's office as James continues his voiceover.) It's here that the Principal played by Morgan Fairchild helps Siren with an aerator she has because The Principal is a mermaid as well. Yeah, that's the ticket! Later on, Adam discovers his dad and his friend Brody talk about killing Siren for her blood to heal Adam. Adam tells Siren about how bonkers his dad and Brody are. However Siren out of the kindness of her heart is willing to do whatever it takes to help her new friend, and I got to admit, it was a nice touch to show that even though the parents and adults are dead set in the old ways, kids are better at solving things than we give them credit for.  Later on, at a desalination plant, Land bound mermaids come together to welcome Siren into their group. While that's happening Adam spills he knows who the mermaid that's coming of age but won't spill on who she is. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Dude, you're in enough hot water to cook you alive! Oh did I forget to mention that as the movie has gone on Adam has been racking up the injuries? My bad so that doesn't make things better for Adam's dad or Siren. (Cut to clips of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Adam's dad and Brody who for some reason is becoming a likable Mr. Crocker of sorts put two and two together and for the record, it's four! Not IFLYDACHOOCHOO! like how you're being taught! Adam's dad rightfully believes it to be Siren. When Adam's Dad, Brody, and their friends try to find her, they miss her as she makes it to a safe house. Adam's dad, Brody, and the other hunters find the other land-bound mermaids and take the Principal as a hostage and posting a spoiler as to what happens to the Principal, they forget about her and she decides to get out after the ending which I will talk about soon. But needless to say, everything that happens after a certain point in the ending is moot especially when I get to it. But I digress. Siren completes her transformation as Tiffany, the woman who raised Siren as her own daughter has a moment in which her heart is breaking because she has to let her go! And to be fair I know where she's coming from, as my two of my three nieces are eighteen and are moving on with their lives and it hurts because as the years have gone on, I've grown to think of my nieces as my own daughters! Anyway, Siren appears to be safe in the ocean, as she finds her birth mother Emerald played by... Excuse me for a moment. (Cut to James as he searches for the actress who plays "Emerald" in the movie and comes upon a name.)

TLOTA:
HOLY CARP! IT'S WORLD-RENOWNED MERMAID AND OCEAN ACTIVIST HANNAH FRASIER! THA... (Stumbles on the words as to how awesome Hannah Frasier is.) WOW! Congrats movie, You just jumped up quite a few notches in my book! (Cut to clips of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As Adam continues to deteriorate, Adam's dad and the hunters' force Tiffany and the others to call out Siren and her mother Emerald which they do as everyone discovers that Siren is a Full Blooded Mermaid and not a half-blooded one as Siren and Emerald sing a song which heals everything even Adam's brittle bones! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And to be honest, it is cool to see how one thing actually means another so that a mermaid's blood is in fact their song that can heal! It's a harmless touch. But the harmlessness of the movie ends right about here as... (Show clip of Emerald creating a big and terrifying storm. Cut to James as he gets a call.)

TLOTA:
Hello! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Uh, James, something demonic is happening. Let me put the phone on speaker. (The Gozer speech from "Ghostbusters" is heard as E-Rod opens the door where Alex is. The two lock eyes as Julia Alexa Miller asks E-Rod to return inside so she can tell him what's going on. Cut to clips of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
So yeah Emerald has summoned a storm that is ready to unleash Gozer and if that's what Mama can do, I am scared of what Siren is going to WHAT THE...?! (Show clip of Siren reducing Brody to a pile of water as James screams in terror, cut to the clip of Rob Zombie's "Halloween" as Dr. Loomis shouts "WHAT THE HELL?! JESUS CHRIST!" Cut to Brody now officially a pile of dust as it cuts to James.)

TLOTA:
"SCALES: MERMAIDS ARE REAL" YOU'RE SICK! YOU'RE A SICK MOVIE "SCALES: MERMAIDS ARE REAL" YOU'RE SICK! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! (Cut to the clip of Brody being reduced to water, intercut with James babbling incoherently about Brody and his fate. Cut to James.) YOU'RE SICK, MOVIE YOU! ARE! SICK! (Cut to clips of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOO! YOU DO NOT DESERVE THE CUTE AND HAPPINESS AFTER WHAT YOU PULLED MOVIE! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO GET THE MOMENT IN WHICH WE SEE ADAM FULLY HEALED AND ABLE TO PLAY SPORTS! YOU DON'T DESERVE THE MOMENTS OF TIFFANY COPING WITH THE LOSS OF SIREN AND YOU SURE AS ALL GET OUT DON'T DESERVE THE MOMENT IN WHICH SIREN HAS HER DREAMS COME TRUE AND SHE MEETS HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER IN A POST-CREDIT SCENE! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT ENDING BECAUSE YOU KILLED A GUY! AND THIS MOVIE GOT THE DOVE FOUNDATION'S SEAL OF APPROVAL!?! AY-YI-YI! (Cut to clips of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
So that was "Scales: Mermaids Are Real" and had that moment in the end not happened it would've been, for the most part, your basic every day, average, dollar store harmless fun family film with above better than average acting for a movie of this caliber, a fun plot with some fairly good morals and stunning visuals. However, as my friend Rowdy said best, "It's not how you start, it's how you finish!"  (Cut to the original ending of Dante being killed in "Clerks" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The best comparison I can make is the original version of "Clerks", In the nationwide released version, the movie ends with Dante and Randal closing up the Quick Stop. However, in the original version, Dante is gunned down as he closes up, which actually ended the movie on a down note and thus ruining any goodwill Kevin Smith had in the movie. Imagine instead of cutting that ending out he doubled down on it with Randal coming in, getting a bullet to the head, then Jay and Silent Bob buy the farm as well. (Cut to clips of "Scales: Mermaids Are Real. as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
This is supposedly a family film about friendship, finding yourself, and becoming who you have to be. This isn't an indie film done on the budget of a gallon of gas! And when you end with a guy being killed by being reduced to water, you forfeit every ounce of goodwill that you gave in the hour and a half proceeding that moment! I was going to say "I recommend it as a harmless Saturday Afternoon with nothing better on the tv type of movie and you should check it out!" But I cannot in good conscience do so after such a horrific moment! This needs to be sent to the depths of Mariana's Trench and left there for eternity! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And yes if you're wondering, Next time is my eighth anniversary! (The sound of a demonic voice shouts "IT WILL BE YOUR LAST! I WILL DESTROY YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL!") That might happen, even I'm afraid I won't make it and after watching this movie, I can tell you, that fear is reinforced! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and... "SCALES: MERMAIDS ARE REAL" IS SIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! (Cut to the clip of Brody being reduced to a puddle of water and James screaming in fear as he hides. Cut to black.)

Fill my eyes with that "Double" Vision

 (Scene starts with a laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three-run out of frame moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving towards the camera, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the laser beam cut out the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appears. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down, and James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to James in the lobby as he decides to clean the studio while getting funky with some music from the S Club 7. As James continues to clean the studio a loud “JAMES” knocks James over his couch and stops the music. Cut to James as he gets up and looks over the couch to see an angry Julia Alexa Miller. Cut to James’ forehead, eyes, and hands peering over the couch.)

TLOTA:
Hi Alex, How have you been? (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Between listening to S Club 7 as you clean, the thudding of your feet, and having to hear Chad complaining about you breathing, let alone living, I can barely get any work done! It is pissing me off! (Cut to James as he jumps over the couch.)

TLOTA:
I’m sorry, look, I’ve been trying to crack through that hard head but he and I have that in common, however, I think he has more pleasure in tormenting me than he does, whatever he does in the office next to mine. Seriously it took me three times longer to get my Top ten on the “Fast and Furious” because I had to hear him banging and making so much noise. Why did you give him the office next to mine? (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
It was the only way to placate him. I just think the rest of the team needs to return to balance out both your alpha male egos. Look, try to relax, watch and enjoy something. (Julia Alexa Miller kisses James on the cheek. Cut to James as he gets ready to pop in “Seeing Double” in his player and James hits the play button as Static appears and Mathew “Film Brain” Buck pops in and says “Hi James!” Cut to James as he just sat down on the couch.)

TLOTA:
Mathew. (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck:
Oh come on, can’t you just stick with what I came up with? (Mathew pulls out the script) “James pops in “Seeing Double” the movie from the S Club.” (A movie I knew got a theatrical release but never saw) “Mathew (That’s me) comes in ready to torment James for not being able to review the god awful movie “Fishtales” starring Billy Zane with James and having been unable to stop James from reviewing “Spice World” The Movie”. (Mathew puts script down) It’s not that hard to follow an idea I came up with. (Cut to James on the couch)

TLOTA:
Mathew, I’m busy. Why don’t you pester Allison or Linkara or anyone else? (Static appears as it cuts to Todd In The Shadows at his electronic keyboard)

Todd In The Shadows:
DAMN IT MATHEW! YOU HAD ONE JOB! ONE GOD DAMNED JOB! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Todd. (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows:
Oh, Hi James, How are you… Yeah, I forgot. Sorry, So Mathew dragged you into this one as well? (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck:
I didn’t drag you in, you wanted to see the movie as much as I wanted to and since James knows as much history on the S Club/S Club 7, He’d want to check this movie out as well. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well, whether I’d like to do this or not solo is irrelevant now! (Cut to the Title card of “Seeing Double” then clips of the movie as James, Mathew “Film Brain” Buck and Todd In The Shadows do voiceovers.)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
The first, last, and ONLY appearance of the S Club 7, or as they were known after 2002, S Club. This movie says to anyone who thought “Spice World” The Movie was one of the worst movies starring pop stars “Give us your beers and your time and you’ll be thanking whichever deity you believe in for “Spice World” The Movie”.

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
Okay, Mathew, that may be a bit too much of a stretch and I just referenced this movie when I talked about them in my “One Hit Wonderland” retrospective, just because I heard about the movie doesn’t mean I saw it or even thought of seeing this one. But you know maybe this won’t be as bad as I don’t know, a Madonna movie.

TLOTA (V.O.):
Well, I’m ready for whatever happens in this one being the only certified fan to have all their albums here in the United States. Will this movie be more coherent than “HEAD” starring The Monkees or will it make us Pine for “Spice World” the movie or will it be the break out vehicle for… (Show headline of “S Club” breaking up sometime after the movie is released as James shouts “NEVERMIND” then it cuts to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Let’s just get into it, this is… “Seeing Double” (Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
Okay, our movie starts as we see The Castle Of Fu Manchu! Why do I suddenly think of a man in space crying about the pointlessness of life with his robot pals? Anyway, we soon find this Sean Connery knockoff driving to a cave singing one of the songs from the S Club.

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
Oh, and speaking of the S Club it appears they’re in stasis tubes as it appears they’re being pre-packaged for everyone to enjoy! (Cut to Mathew Buck as he shouts “SYMBOLISM!”. Cut to James as he tries to mute the noise only for Julia Alexa Miller to come into the lobby.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
What is going on? And who are you two? (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows:
Oh, you must be James’ lady friend. I’m Todd In The Shadows. (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck:
And I’m Mathew Buck. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
And which one of you two chuckleheads shouted “Symbolism”? (Cut to Mathew Buck as he proudly says “That would be me!”. Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Okay, next time you’re in New York, remind me to scream something at you while you’re in the middle of something important! (Julia Alexa Miller walks away. Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck:
I’m not in any big danger am I? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Allow me to share this little bit when Tommy Wiseau unsuccessfully tried to hide in a therapy session me and Alex and an associate of ours named Chad were in. (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck and Todd In The Shadows as they react to Julia Alexa Miller kicking Tommy Wiseau’s ass with her abilities. Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows:
Excuse Me, I’ve got to shit myself then change my underwear! (Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
After our opening credits, we find the band having just finished performing at a concert in Barcelona, Spain. They seemed exhausted after the performance but thankfully management is allowing them a month off to recuperate, however, their Manager has other plans which has them doing promotions for their album which may be selling like hotcakes internationally but from what I’ve gathered, if their albums back in the day went gold Stateside would’ve been a miracle in itself. (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck:
Oh, come off it James! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
NO! I won’t come off it, They were a great music band which got buried by their management, and the series they did and adding to the fact their manager, Simon Fuller was burned by the short-lived popularity of the “Spice Girls” basically gave S Club no chance to succeed musically here in the states. (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows:
Hey, I just came back from shitting to hear James’ rant to say Yes James, I agree with you that as a manager Simon Fuller sucks but didn’t he also go on to make “American Idol”? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Yep, and many of those artists have been on your radar as to how they suck, Right? (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows:
Got me there! (Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
As the S Club prepares to declare a mutiny on their manager, their manager foreshadows some of the stuff that will happen to them. But right now, it’s press conference time which goes as well as trying to convince us that a Jackass is a Stallion.

TLOTA (V.O.):
That night, their manager is captured after being lightly tapped on the shoulders by a girl in a catsuit without a back which I think doesn’t make it a Catsuit but eh, What do I know?

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
The next morning, after missing their flight and their manager stiffing them on the Hotel Bill, The S Club discovers something else, themselves on stage, on LIVE television!

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
And just as things get nuttier, the band is arrested for not paying their bill. Also, when they’re getting their mugshots just look at the markers. “Christina”? “Britney”? “Elvis”? “Puffy”? & “Biggy”? Okay, that was kind of funny.

TLOTA (V.O.):
We soon discover Alistair captured at The Castle Of Fu Manchu at the hands of the apparent villain who reminds me of “The Master” from classic “Doctor Who” but not as menacing as Alistair comes face to face with his Doppelganger.

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
Meanwhile, the S Club has to figure out how to break out of prison, clear their name, find Alistair, and figure out what the fuck is going on?

TLOTA (V.O.):
But how to get out? A musical number to a song that should’ve at least hit the top 20 here in the states and Yes I am still bitter over the failure musically of the band. (Cut to the band as they play “Don’t Stop Movin’”  Intercut with one moment of “Tommy Wiseau” dancing in “The Disaster Artist” and the letters WTF are seen over his dancing. Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
One musical number later, the band are now fugitives on the run trying to clear their name. Thankfully Natalie, their assistant, helps smuggle them out of Barcelona and into Dante’s five hundredth level of Hell, Los Angeles. Even though they should be worried that the Police from Barcelona would’ve put out an international All Points Bulletin for them, let’s not waste this moment of happiness with some logic or common sense! (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck physically)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck:
Todd, What do you know about common sense? Seriously? (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows:
A lot more than some people like a guy who wants to look like Steve Rogers in his prime with Sam Wilson’s Captain America’s shirt on, but is looking more like Thor in “Avengers: Endgame” (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Guys, We’re exhausted and we’re BARELY a third of the way. Let’s take a break and come at it with a clearer mind frame! (Cut to Todd and Mathew as they say “Sounds Good to me” in unison as it fades to black, it then cuts to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The S Club find themselves now having to hide in a trailer but soon decide that opening up cans of Whoop-Ass. Which is quickly nixed because…wait why is it nixed?

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
Because they’re already on the run from the law, do you think it’s a good idea for them to confront their management and their doppelgangers?

TLOTA & Todd In The Shadows (In unison V.O.):
YES! (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck:
Well, you don’t have to be so strong about it. (Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
The band gets in and I think there were some tensions during a tour date and it got nasty between band members because there is no way that was rehearsed. Anyhow, The real S Club is thrown out of the off-screen concert because Tina got a little too excited trying to get their doppelgangers off the stage. Meanwhile, some of the others try to get to Alistair, however, security and common sense say to hold off and follow the bus to one very interesting building.

TLOTA (V.O.):
The band tries to get in closer, and fun fact Jo O’Meara the blond with the Goldberg-Esque barbed wire tattoo had to have stunt doubles and other doubles for a lot of work due to chronic back pains.

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
Ouch! At this point the S Club finds their duplicates practicing and getting ready to film a music video.

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
Perfect time for three of the members to incognito as their duplicates. And to be fair this is where the movie becomes somewhat more fun as we some genuine hijinks that got a chuckle out of me as Hannah, Rachel, and Jon take their double’s parts.

TLOTA (V.O):
Though I have to admit while things do get better in the movie, If I had discovered my friend having been duplicated by a madman, I’d be interrogating him with every means possible. This is what Tina, Bradley, and Jo try to do with no success at all! That may be because they’re not all there mentally.

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
Meanwhile, Jon, Hannah, and Rachel try to fit in but soon discover that things aren’t as normal, mentally speaking being around Tina, Bradley, and Jo’s duplicates either. But believe it or not, Jon tries to get the information but gets Jack and shit!

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
And Jack left town months ago! But we discover why all the doubles know are facts and trivia about themselves and the band! They sleep in pods that download everything about them up to that point into them and if things aren’t kosher, they have to deal with Alistair. That and the doubles have no belly buttons!

TLOTA (V.O.):
Well, if you were grown in a stasis tube, you’d be missing some popular parts of the anatomy. (Cut to a still of Todd In The Shadows with his jaw hitting the floor. Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck with a concerned look on his face. Cut to James)

TLOTA:
I’ve seen Sci-Fi stories about clones and there is always something that isn’t kosher in one way or another. (Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
Knowing the others may be in danger, Hannah, Rachel, and Jon decide to come up with an idea to warn the others. Meanwhile, we soon discover who the owner of “Fu Manchu’s Castle” is named Victor Gaghan and he plans to as it is with most scientists who’ve been wronged by a society of 2+2=4, to create clones of celebrities to that’s right TAKE OVER THE WORLD! (Cut to the clip of “Mind Of Mencia” as Punji says “Oh, Of Course!”. Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows:
Maybe it’s me, but, this may just be the DUMBEST WAY TO TAKE OVER THE EARTH! WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY? IS HE A COMPLETE MORON, IF YOU WANTED TO TAKE OVER THE PLANET, YOU SHOULD BE CLONING POLITICIANS, PEOPLE WHO CAN HAND YOU THE PLANET ON A SILVER PLATTER! (Todd In The Shadows decides to get a drink. Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck”)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck:
But according to this movie’s logic, pop stars have more power and influence on the youth than say a president or a prime minister. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well, that isn’t wrong then as it is now, my youngest niece for example has been driving her mom nuts over… Oh my god! This movie was right! Society is so screwed! (Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
We get a moment in which the Rachel, Hannah, and Jon clones are enjoying boomerangs and we get another song, as a matter of fact, the only song that hit the charts here in the States and Worldwide for them that shows the clones as well harmless. The clones soon remember where they came from Eagle’s Peak.

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck & Todd In The Shadows (In Unison V.O.):
WHERE?

TLOTA (V.O):
The place where “The Castle Of Fu Manchu” is? But I digress, Alistair’s clone captures the real Jon, Rachel, and Hannah and it’s up to the clones of Jon, Hannah, and Rachel, with the real Tina, Jo, and Bradley to rescue. However, The Clone Trio of Jon, Rachel, and Hannah tells the other clones about their origins.

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
While that’s going down the true Jon, Rachel, and Hannah are surrounded by duplicates of so many big-name musicians, they even got Groucho Marx in there! At this point, the movie isn’t a train that’s going off the rails, it’s crashed and people are wondering if there are any survivors at this point.

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
The S Club Clones convince the others to join in the rebellion against Gaghan. Gaghan decides to set the self-destruct and try again later that is if Michael Jackson’s clone didn’t stop Gaghan from escaping and the real S Club stopping the Self Destruct. The real Alistair takes out his duplicate, an entire group of pop star clones has been unleashed.

TLOTA (V.O):
Meaning that in 20 years, their music will be played primarily in a Supermarket for our generation to wonder what happened to our early days and how today’s music is crap. God getting old stinks!

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
The cops arrive to arrest Gaghan, the clone of Rachel, and the real Bradley kiss…WAIT, WHAT?!

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
Yeah, that is something that deserves this clip. (Cut to “The Simpsons” clip of Krusty’s eyes bugging out of his head as he says “What in the hell was that?” Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And this movie ends with the duplicate S Club performing and being paid in boomerangs and if they need a holiday the real ones would go in their place and vice versa, as the real ones take a rightfully deserved holiday. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
So that was “Seeing Double” the last ride of the S Club. But it was a fun ride. (Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)

Todd In The Shadows (V.O.):
Okay, James, I’ll admit it was good enough to get a chuckle out of me but a lot of it was wasted potential. Had the band been more successful here in the States, I could see this movie getting a bare-bones theatrical release, but in this case, I think this one of the few times that this harmless movie would be alright for a Saturday Afternoon with nothing better to do.

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck (V.O.):
I’ll concede the fact it’s not that bad as say “Spice World” or something like that. But it’s not a great movie I’d recommend to my friends or family.

TLOTA (V.O.):
Both of you guys make good points but honestly, I think, me personally, Its cardinal sin is that it feels like a finale to a series than it does a movie. Okay admittedly, I saw it years after the fact the band called it quits and their series ended. But overall, I agree that it’s a harmless movie but it’s not a good movie. While it does tell a good story and tells about how we’ve become so infatuated with pop culture, it does seem to get bogged down in a level of silliness that while fun distracts from what would’ve been a stand-out performance piece. While I think it’s a good movie, I can’t recommend anyone who isn’t like a hardcore fan to enjoy this movie. But if you find it entertaining and might be the best way to get into the S Club then I say, go for it. (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck:
Well James this was fun now I’m just gonna fade out! (Static cuts to Todd In The Shadows.)

Todd In The Shadows:
I’d like to head on out as well but I need to ask before I go, are you okay? Come on man, talk with me. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well, between the deaths of my oldest brother, unborn nephew, and father over the past two years and now an annoyance by the name of Chad Narducci making it impossible for me to do my reviews in my office. (Thudding noises emanate from Chad’s Office.) And I swear, I’m going to do some time for what I’m about to do! CHAD! (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows:
I should do something but oh well, time for me to do some Trainwreckords! (Cut to James as he opens the door to Chad’s office.)

TLOTA:
OKAY, ASS…hole? What the…? (Camera turns to see the rest of Team TLOTA suspended in mid-air by magical chains. Cut to Chad as James turns around.)

Chad Narducci:
Well, I guess the cat is out of the bag now, I now will finish what should’ve happened years ago, when I heard your name! (Chad’s eyes turn black as flames come shooting out of his eyes and his voice becomes demonic.)

Chad Narducci (Sounding demonic):
YOUR TOTAL DESTRUCTION! (Cut to a “Munsters” theme sound alike that sounds like “Agatha All Along” from “WandaVision” plays as Chad becomes engulfed by a dark entity and smiles as the two causes chaos in James’ life.)

Male Chorus:
Whose been causing chaos in James’ life?

Female Singer:
It’s been Chad All Along!

Male Chorus:
Who has driven James to the breaking point?

Female Singer:
It’s been Chad All Along!

Male Chorus:
He’s so disgusting!, Making all of us Sing! About how Jim will be! How he’ll be! He’ll be! He’ll be! He’ll be! Be dead! (two-second break from singing) It’s too late to save anything because it’s all wrong. Thanks to Chad! Asshole Chad!

Female Singer:
It’s been Chad All Along! (The camera is now on Chad’s face)

Chad Narducci:
And now for us to kill James Faraci The Last Of The Americans. Huh? (The ending sting shows James having disappeared.) SON OF A BITCH! (Cut to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
ORAC, Where’s Alex right now? (James’ Cell phone goes off.) Hello? (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller who is standing outside the office.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Hi, James, What’s happening?

TLOTA (Audio only):
Uh Currently Chad is possessed by a demonic entity, I’m engaging Theta Level Lockdown, meaning the only way anyone can get in is when I step out of my office, for that I apologize, the rest of the team is being held in suspension, and… (Cut to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
I need you to take care of something, I am having ORAC text you an address I need you to go and find the person at the address. Hopefully, he can save my ass, otherwise, everything we have been trying to accomplish, it’ll end with my demise! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller standing outside of the studio as she sees the address and the name.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
How long can you last? (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
After Last year, I can do a month, in my sleep and underwater! (James shuts the phone off. Fade to Black.)

Top 10 Most Ridiculous "Fast & Furious" moments

   (0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours, is it wrong of me to think that "The Fast And The Furious" movies are not that bad? (Cut to clips of "The Fast And The Furious" movies as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Created by Gary Scott Thompson, this franchise has eight movies, nine if you count the "Hobbs & Shaw" Spin-off and a new one coming soon as well as an animated spin-off featuring a fictitious nephew called "Spy Racers", "The Fast And The Furious" has become one of the longest and most successful movie franchises. Having earned over five BILLION dollars even though Critical reaction has been mixed at best. But to me, every one of these movies has their awesome moments and their moments that you look at and think "NO! NO! NO! That is just TOO dumb! Even by most movie-making standards" But today we're looking at ten of the ridiculous moments, the moments that would either be a chuckle or a scream of laughter as you cry "WHY?", either way, it should be funny. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So get ready to crank the Nitrous, shift these cars into the turbo, and live your life every quarter mile, these are the Top 10 most Ridiculous moments of "The Fast And The Furious" movies! (Cut to different clips from "The Fast And The Furious" movies as fast-paced Rock and Roll play in the foreground of different clips as it cuts to the Title Card saying "The 10 Most Ridiculous "Fast & Furious" Moments". Cut to  Dom's Dodge Charger zooms by and the number spins and stabilizes.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 10 

(Cut to the moment we're introduced to Brian from "Furious 7" as James does a voiceover)

10) Brian's Introduction from "Furious 7"

TLOTA (V.O.):
So at the end of "Fast and Furious 6," Brian played by the late Paul Walker had embraced parenthood with his wife/Dominic's sister Mia played by Jordana Brewster but we had no idea how much he would've had Paul Walker was domesticated because while the movie was in production, Paul was killed in a race. So what would be the most dignified way to reintroduce the character? By having him take Jack O'Connor to school in a minivan as we're led to believe that Brian is working as a racer of sorts. But nope, Brian is now a domesticated dad while thinking of the racing but instead of him driving a badass racing car, he's in a minivan! Yeah, no other way of describing it except as ridiculous!

(Cut to different clips from "The Fast And The Furious" movies as fast-paced Rock and Roll play in the foreground of different clips. Cut to Dom's Dodge Charger zooms by and the number spins and stabilizes.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 9 

(Cut to every scene with Cipher in "The F8 Of The Furious" as James does a voiceover.)

9) Cipher from The F8 Of The Furious

TLOTA (V.O.):
Charlize Theron is an awesome actress, no questions around it. But what is the deal with her? Apparently, Cipher had Dom in her sites "Fast and Furious 6" and hired Mose Jakande in "Furious 7" for info on Dom, which caused a Face/Heel Turn so quick and out of nowhere that would have made Paul Wight dizzy and forced Dom to serve her, and you can tell on Vin Diesel's face he wasn't enjoying it and some of the other stories which I am sure aren't true but I digress. How they had to make the character be a link in the plots of "Fast and Furious 6" and "Furious 7" into "F8 of The Furious" just causes a whole lotta plot holes that aren't necessary! If you think that this is just ridiculous, then feel free to join me in the number six spot as I go further into what goes into Dom in this one or join me for something as ridiculous in the number 8 spot.

(Cut to different clips from "The Fast And The Furious" movies as fast-paced Rock and Roll play in the foreground of different clips. Cut to Dom's Dodge Charger zooms by and the number spins and stabilizes.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 8

(Cut to every clip of Letty Ortiz from "Fast & Furious", "Fast and Furious 6", "Furious 7" as James does a voiceover)

8) How Letty bought the farm then returned from the grave!

TLOTA (V.O.):
Okay, get ready to go slightly cuckoo when you hear this. So, in "Fast & Furious", apparently Brian, who is now an FBI Agent convinces Letty to help him bring a drug dealer by the name of Braga and is caught and supposedly killed which sets Dom off on Brian and the events of the rest of the movie as well as what happens in Fast 5 which trust me will have it's fair share of ridiculous moments when we get to them, but I digress. In a post credit scene at the end of "Fast 5" which The Fast And The Furious made popular before the MCU, Agent Hobbs discovers a terrorist thanks to a cameo from Eva Mendes has somehow brought Letty back from the grave. Now given this movie franchise's track record, they never fully explain how she survived or how she got involved with Owen Shaw. But Dom and his crew seem to rescue Letty from being Owen's Lackey by the end of six and by the end of 7 she fully remembers Dom and everything that happened. There is loose storytelling and then there is...This!

(Cut to different clips from "The Fast And The Furious" movies as fast-paced Rock and Roll play in the foreground of different clips. Cut to Dom's Dodge Charger zooms by and the number spins and stabilizes.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 7

(Cut to the tank battle in "Fast and Furious 6" as James does a voiceover)

7) Cars v Tank Chase Battle  from "Fast and Furious 6"

TLOTA (V.O.):
 When it comes to chase battles usually "The Fast and The Furious" movies usually do have them in spades and some are more silly and some are more awesome. In "Fast and Furious 6" Dom and the gang have to take on a terrorist by the name of Owen Shaw who has an amnesiac Letty on his side and to ensure he gets the win. But to hedge his bets especially since it's Dominic Toretto and his crew, the dude got a friggin' tank! A FRIGGIN' TANK! Can we say, OVERKILL because let's face it when it comes to Dominic Toretto, not even a tank can stop Dom and his crew, and even though there's CG a plenty in this moment, I could barely tell where it is but yeah, when you get a tank involved in this crazy franchise, then yeah, it is as ridiculous as it gets and we've still got six moments left!

(Cut to different clips from "The Fast And The Furious" movies as fast-paced Rock and Roll play in the foreground of different clips. Cut to Dom's Dodge Charger zooms by and the number spins and stabilizes.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 6

(Cut to every moment in "F8 Of The Furious" as Dom is forced to work for Cipher as James does a voiceover)

6) Dom's Heel Turn

TLOTA (V.O.):
Well, I had to get to this one, Yeah first off Cipher, What were you thinking? That you could turn the anti-hero of the movie into your lackey? You got your ass to Cuba, getting to Dom by mentioning certain things and then you kill Elena and threaten Dom's son Brian? Then kissing him in front of Letty who is Dom's legal wife, bitch, it's a good thing you got away when you did, otherwise had you stuck around Dom would crush your head like a walnut! If there was a reason for ONE member of the team to do a heel turn, granted it would've been a good unexpected surprise was the hacker Ramsey! Leo would've called up Dom with Letty on their honeymoon in Cuba (Which is ridiculous as is.) Let him know what the scenario is, have Ramsey hack into Dom and Hobbs' car, knock out Tej and Roman and tell Dom and Hobbs that they're her hostages to change up the pace, the strongest characters in the franchise now having to escape, discover Elena has been captured and the two discover that Dom has a son, then have Dom and Hobbs fight to stop Cipher with Hobbs pounding Cipher like Chicken Fried Steak with a side of Country Gravy! (NOT THAT WAY! GET OUT OF THE GUTTER!) Then Elena joining Dom and Letty to help raise their son together! It's a new world, Why Not? But nope you hinged your plans on trying to make the biggest name into your forced servant! No wonder you lost so badly Cipher!

(Cut to different clips from "The Fast And The Furious" movies as fast-paced Rock and Roll play in the foreground of different clips. Cut to Dom's Dodge Charger zooms by and the number spins and stabilizes.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 5 

(Cut to every clip of Leo & Santos as James does a voiceover)

5)  Leo & Santos

TLOTA (V.O.):
I just don't know where to start with this, these two guys are the unnecessary comic relief in something that has been so ridiculous that they're worthy of their own spot on the list. Especially when it comes to helping Dom and the Crew. With the exception of a brief cameo in "F8 Of The Furious" they thankfully haven't come back nor is there plans to revive the duo but when their best moment involves them getting into the Rio Police Station and getting what they need in terms of getting information for the crew to get into the police station in Rio and getting Deckard ready in "F8 Of The Furious", they have added nothing in terms of anything helpful except for some ridiculous moments in a franchise that has no need for their "Laurel And Hardy"-Esque slapstick.

(Cut to different clips from "The Fast And The Furious" movies as fast-paced Rock and Roll play in the foreground of different clips. Cut to Dom's Dodge Charger zooms by and the number spins and stabilizes.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 4

(Cut to clips of Dom's escapes from the law as James does a voiceover)

4) How Dom always escapes from the law or from seeing a prison cell!

TLOTA (V.O.):
Call it the luck of fools but even I know that it has a short shelf life. But what happened in the first movie set the precedent for what would happen for the characters. Just as it appears that Brian was going to bring Dom in for what he did, Brian made the choice to instead give the wanted criminal his ride as Dom rides off to Mexico. Then at the end of "Fast And Furious," it appears that Dom is heading to Lompoc for the next 25 to life. That is until Brian, Mia, and the rest of the crew get Dom out of the bus heading to Lompoc! Then after what happens in the number two spot, Dom and Brian get a 24-hour head start to get out of Hobbs' way. And while fully pardoned at the end of everything by the end of "Fast And Furious 6" everything Dom did in "F8 Of The Furious" should've gotten said pardon voided but nope apparently all is forgiven because had he said something then maybe, just MAYBE Elena would still be alive and helping raise Brian Marcos Toretto. While it is an impossibility that one day Dom's luck would run out. I find it ridiculous that he dodged that many bullets and not got it one time. Well if that ever happens it'd probably be as ridiculous as to how he has escaped. 

(Cut to different clips from "The Fast And The Furious" movies as fast-paced Rock and Roll play in the foreground of different clips. Cut to Dom's Dodge Charger zooms by and the number spins and stabilizes.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 3

(Cut to the Submarine vs Dom's crew from "F8 Of The Furious as James does a voiceover.)

3) Dom, The Crew vs a Submarine from "The F8 Of The Furious"

TLOTA (V.O.):
Okay, NOW we're into "Cinemasins" Meter breaking territory people! Hobbs having taken Dom's Crew to stop Cipher in Russia with the codes for Nuclear Weapons that Cipher has in her possession and after The Shaw Brothers secure baby Brian. Dom turns on Cipher, tells her to piss off, then as the Kimchi continues to go downhill, Cipher while still having control of a Submarine fires heat seekers leading to Dom to do a noble sacrifice to increase the thermal charges on his ride to take the sub out nearly killing himself, but in the end barely survives, Geez Dom's self destructive sacrifices should be on this list. Anyway how ridiculous is this moment, well apparently the Cinemasins meter shattered on impact. But there is so much crazy it should be at the top but we've got two more moments to go!

(Cut to different clips from "The Fast And The Furious" movies as fast-paced Rock and Roll play in the foreground of different clips. Cut to Dom's Dodge Charger zooms by and the number spins and stabilizes.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 2

(Cut to the Safe chase from "Fast 5" as James does a voiceover)

2) The Safe Chase from "Fast 5"

TLOTA (V.O.):
I could've made Dom' intro, the theft of the cars and the aftermath of the job gone wrong here but that was too easy. No, here's the situation as it plays out here to this point. The character of Vince is killed with Dom promising to take care of his wife and son who he had in Brazil. This leads to Hobbs and Elena siding WITH Dom to take down Hernan Reyes. Hobbs and Elena make their intentions known as Dom and Brian hook up the safe that is filled with Reyes' illegal fortune and drive that fortune throughout the streets of Rio de Janeiro causing god knows how much damage equivalent to "Man Of Steel", then there was the quote-unquote ten-second window in which Dom and the crew switch out the real safe with the one that they used for practice then USE said safe as a weapon to take out Reyes, and everyone on his side! There's the suspension of disbelief then there's this cuckoo crazy ridiculousness!

(Cut to different clips from "The Fast And The Furious" movies as fast-paced Rock and Roll play in the foreground of different clips. Cut to Dom's Dodge Charger zooms by and the number spins and stabilizes.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And The Number One Ridiculous moment in "The Fast And The Furious" movies is...

(Cut to clips of every single movie in "The Fast And The Furious" movies as James does a voiceover)

1) THE FRIGGIN TIMELINE OF THE ENTIRE FRANCHISE!

TLOTA (V.O.):
FOR THOSE WHO SAY THAT THE GODZILLA OR KING KONG OR EVEN THE TIMELINE OF THE ZELDA FRANCHISE IS INSANE, WELL THEN ALLOW THIS FRANCHISE TO SCREAM OUT A COLLECTIVE "HOLD MY BEER!" While the first three seemed linear in it's design, it's as we get to the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh movie that the timeline goes out of control. So Han dies in "Tokyo Drift" and Dom is there to retrieve the body, however in "Tokyo Drift" he goes boom automatically or so we're led to believe. Han appearing after his demise in "Fast And Furious", "Fast Five", "Fast and Furious 6" and briefly being mentioned in "Furious 7" means that he had a lot of adventures that should've happened BEFORE HE WENT TO TOKYO! As a matter of fact Han was in Tokyo at the start of "Fast and Furious 6" It would've been the right time to kill Han there, Have Dom's cameo make more sense or at least more sense oh and guess what in "F9" the one that's coming up, guess who's come back from the grave, Oh Hai Han! Wait, isn't he supposed to be dead? Then we have Letty's return from the grave and how it affects the existence of Brian Marcos Toretto. Her death in "Fast and Furious" pretty much meant it was time for Dom to take solice with another person, eventually! Enter Elena Neves played by Elsa Pataky, the audience assumed okay, He's moved on from his loss of Letty. However in "Fast and Furious 6" Letty's return pretty much throws the nearly great idea of Dom having moved on to be with Elena into the nuclear waste site. Even though Elena has become Hobbs' official partner in "Furious 7" how in the hell between "Fast Five" and "F8 Of The Furious" did Dom and Elena have the time to conceive Brian? He should've been a toddler by this point and barely know that Dom was his daddy! So many ways these small samples of the Time Space Continuum being thrown around at warp speed is mind boggling and just goes to show how friggin Cuckoo being too fast and too furious this franchise can get! (Cut to the poster of "2 Fast, 2 Furious" as James shouts "OH FORGET IT!". Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Are there any moments that were as dumb as the ones I mentioned, then let me know in the comment section below. Now after talking about the silliness of this franchise. Why do I still like these movies? (Cut to clips of "The Fast And The Furious" movies as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
For that I have no clue. Maybe it's the fast cars, the fact it's mindlessly harmless in it's approach in storytelling engines or maybe, just maybe it's something that needed to show what it was worth since the first movie in 2001. That it was worthy of the movies in the same genre it somehow revived: The Car Chase Crime Caper Genre! (Cut to stills of classic Car Chase Crime Caper movies from the 1970s and actors from the 1970s as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Imagine these movies being made back in the day with the likes of Steve McQueen, Roy Scheider, Ryan O'Neal, Sylvester Stallone, Pam Grier, Richard Roundtree, Carl Weathers, Billy Dee Williams, Harrison Ford, Robert Redford, Farrah Fawcett, Charles Bronson, Yul Brynner, John Wayne, James Garner, Jack Nicholson, Dennis Hopper, Gene Hackman, Goldie Hawn, Ali McGraw, Warren Beatty, and hell even "MITCHELL" star Joe Don Baker! This would've been seen as the most entertaining, star-studded, story lite, action-filled, Car Chase Crime Caper franchise ever made and people would've gone to see it as one of the best action-adventure movies ever made. (Cut to clips of "The Fast And The Furious" movies as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And maybe that's why I like these movies. I can imagine them being made back in the days with the grit and grime of the early 1970s and seeing them being considered classics. Plus I admire even with all the technology and CGI filming that happens there is a fairly decent amount of effort in how these movies work. Plus this is one of the longest-running franchises ever. The MCU may have 20+ movies to their name and have made their critical and commercial success. It comes effortlessly because they do their movies right. The Fast And The Furious Movies may not have that but the audience is still there and yes while there will be more crazy ridiculous moments in the last few movies there will be made in this franchise. They only help make the movies the type of fun that is necessary for movies being made nowadays. If you love these movies, then you know why. If you check them out, then I STRONGLY suggest you take what goes on Ridiculous moments and those that are not with a grain of salt! And enjoy the ride a quarter mile at a time! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!

"Artist" Therapy

(Scene begins with Julia Alexa Miller as she works on rearranging the stuff James had packed away)

Julia Alexa Miller:
What possessed you to pack everything I had up?

TLOTA (Offscreen):
Alex, I thought you were gone for good and I was into making some changes both personally and professionally. (Cut to James as enters Julia Alexa Miller’s Office as he shows his clean-shaven face to Julia Alexa Miller)

TLOTA:
Speaking of changes, What do ya think? (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
You look great! (Cut to James as a voice screams “ALEX, ARE YOU HERE?”)

TLOTA:
We’re up here! (Cut to Chad Narducci as he walks up and shoves James away)

Chad Narducci:
Oh thank god you’re here and packing up! That’s awesome! Well, thank you James for making sure Alex is okay and this is awesome, you’re packing up and getting ready to go. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she is putting everything back)

Julia Alexa Miller:
I was remodeling the office so I can return. (Cut to James as he walks back to Chad)

Chad Narducci:
Okay Faraci, Whatever you did to her, I am telling you to reverse it.

TLOTA:
I didn’t do a damn thing. Look, it’s obvious we all need to walk down to the last office in the hall!

Chad Narducci:
Why? Are we going to go at it like animals?

TLOTA:
No, he’s a therapist that I legally sublet an office so he can help out the rest of the team when they can come back safely and can help with us when we have Psychological problems and we’ll meet him AFTER the intro!

(Scene cuts away to a laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three-run out of frame moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving towards the camera, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the laser beam cut out the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down, and James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to an office door with the words “Dr. Denny Psychiatric Professional”. Cut to James, Julia Alexa Miller and Chad Narducci)

Chad Narducci:
So now what do we do?

TLOTA:
I come here weekly since re-opening the studio. It’s been a good thing for me to do so! Be aware though, he’s a little peculiar! I think it’d be best for me to kind of be the one to get you acclimated to his style of therapy and some of the people he has to deal with. (James opens the door)

TLOTA (Sounding like Tommy Wiseau):
I did not hit her, it’s not true, it’s bullshit! I did not hit her, I did naught! Oh, Hai Doc! (Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
Oh, hello James and just in time for another group therapy session and I see you brought guests. (Cut to a very surprised Julia Alexa Miller and Chad Narducci with their jaws agape as James walks towards them)

TLOTA:
What?

Julia Alexa Miller:
You have actually to say that?

TLOTA:
Every single time and Alex has to gender flip it!

Chad Narducci:
Seriously?

TLOTA:
Yep! (Chad and Julia Alexa Miller sigh in defeat as they say the line as James says it in the Tommy Wiseau accent. Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny:
Welcome to our Room Therapy session. Meet Claudette! (Cut to Claudette as she is drinking alcohol like a fish!)

Claudette (Played by Renee Miller):
Hello! (Claudette continues to drink as the camera turns to Johnny as he tries to shave his beard with a bowie knife)

Dr. Denny (Audio only)
And that’s Johnny (Johnny played by John Ross Santos grumbles as he says hello, The Camera turns to Peter played by Nick Yaun) And, over here is Peter! (Peter chuckles insanely. The Camera turns to Lisa played by Rebecca Yaun.) And, here is Lisa!

Lisa:
HI-YEEE! (Lisa licks a picture of Tommy Wiseau) He’s so dreamy, I can’t wait to shove a chainsaw up his rectum! (Cut to James, Julia, Chad as they look somewhat visibly shaken, and Dr. Denny as calm as the wind)

Dr. Denny:
And finally, two new participants Tim Stereos and George Wiseman! (Cut to a very heavily disguised Tommy Wiseau as George Wiseman and an equally disguised Greg Sestero as Tim Stereos)

George Wiseman:
Hello, How are you?

Tim Stereos:
Welcome to The Room Group Therapy. (Cut to James, Julia, and Chad)

Chad Narducci:
These people need to be in straight jackets!

TLOTA:
Dude, disrespectful! (Dr. Denny pops in)

Dr. Denny:
OH! Tensions between some of our participants! Let’s work them out! (Cut to James as he takes his seat, Julia Alexa Miller wants to sit between James and Chad when Chad picks her up and over one seat so James and Chad have to sit together.)

Chad Narducci:
Okay, the main source of my problems, is this guy to my right! “James Faraci The Last Of The Americans”! Ever since 2016 he’s been a thorn in my side. Alex and I decided to work on a show which was just a fun project called “Life As A Mermaid” then we decided to make a second season and this is where this son of a bitch comes in, we had a crowdfunding event, James decided to donate money. Had anyone with common sense would’ve done he would’ve left well enough alone. But no, he had to promote the series, he had to tweet about it, post it on Facebook pages! This guy has no self-control. Then season 3 happened, we decided to do a Patreon, while he doesn’t add anything financially, he says to himself (Making James sound like a moron): “DUH, IAMAMORON! I GONNA TRY AND POMOT A PECIL FOR A YOUTUBE SHOW IHAF NO PAT IN, IN A REVIEW OF ANOTA SUBJET! I GOT NO SEF-CONTOL, UH! I EATS THE SILLYPAINT!” (Sounding like himself): You didn’t offer any money, but guess what, you made it a point to invite us to some party for his friends to what end in hopes none of them do a review of the show Me and Alex made! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Then comes our final season! He somehow gets financially enough to add to our budget ONE DOLLAR! ONE LOUSY DOLLAR! (Chad turns to James who is getting angry) YOU ARE A PATHETIC LITTLE WORM! AND AGAIN HE PROMOTES THE SERIES! BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN THE WORST OF IT! AFTER HIS POINTLESS LITTLE FIFTH ANNIVERSARY REVIEW, ALEX COMES BACK TOTALLY UNLIKE THE WAY SHE LEFT THE ONLY TRUE STATE IN THE COUNTRY, CALIFORNIA TO THIS TOILET STATE CALLED “NEW YORK” IN THE HOPES TO GET DIFFERENT EXTERIOR SHOTS FOR THE SHOW. This was also the time when Alex finds her new nitch doing photography but Alex comes back and all of a sudden she sneezes and a wave goes the opposite way, she can do things that I would describe as freakish! And I know that James just put his…(Chad grabs James’ hand) HIS DISGUSTINGLY FREAKISH AND UGLY HANDS INVOLVED! (Chad let James’ hand go and spits on him!) Then just as things kind of get back to normal here comes this studio! James asks Alex to move out to this little Podunk pissant county in this flaming toilet bowl just so she can do her photo tutorials, then James asked her a question which I have no idea it is until he can get his friends, the people I used to work with and then there the idiots he considers his peers in his profession to tell us! Then comes this pandemic which I figure would work perfectly in untangling the web of stupidity this idiot has around him. But all of a sudden Alex hears about a review on the show, he had little to no involvement in because a fan asked him to do so, and uh-oh! (Cut to Chad as his fist clocks James, who is getting angrier by the moment, in the forehead as he speaks) MR! NO! BRAIN! ACTIVITY! DECIDES! TO! DO! A! REVIEW! OF! A! SHOW! THAT! HE! HAD! NO! IN-VOLVE-MENT! IN! WITHOUT! CLEARING! IT! WITH! ME! (Chad stops punching James in the forehead to once again address the group) And it’s this reason that this freak, like you miserable incels, is the bane of my existence! That and he’s a Republican, therefore he is a gun-toting, neo-nazi, Bible Thumping, Trump-supporting, satanic pile of excrement who deserves to be made into the biggest joke on the face of the planet! (Chad sits down and flips James the bird! Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny:
Well, James, you’ve been extremely patient having your character assassinated by someone with the ego of Lisa but the courage of Denny! So guess what, everyone, please let us shame this disgustingly egotistical douchebag! (Cut to Chad as he turns to James)

Chad Narducci:
Did you hear, they’re gonna shame you! This is gonna suck for you! (Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny:
No, Chad, please stand up again! (Cut to Chad Narducci as he stands up in protest)

Chad Narducci:
Excuse me? James is the freak! (Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny:
And do you know what you are? (Cut to the group as they face Chad)

The Group (In Unison):
Chicken, Chad! You’re just a little chicken! Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! Cheeeeeeeep! (Cut to Chad)

Chad Narducci:
Please take this as an offensive assault on your character and your standings in psychiatry Dr. Denny. Does your therapy education come from that awful Tommy Wiseau movie “The Room”? (Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny:
Why yes, it is and your offense is ignored as “The Room” was a psychological study into the psyche of Johnny’s brain as all he sees is betrayal, disgust, and hatred even by those closest to him! Even his future wife seems disgusted by how Johnny is to the point where Lisa becomes so toxic, she drives poor Johnny to suicide. Even after his demise, Lisa revels in her disgusted handy work! Any comedic moments were incidental, for instance, group, what is the one question we do not ask? (Cut to the group as they say “Anyway, How is your sex life?”. Cut to Chad Narducci and Julia Alexa Miller both take a swig of their drinks as Julia Alexa Miller spit takes out to the group and Chad Spits on James’ crotch which leads James to scream so loudly, cut to a forest as James’ echoing scream causes an avalanche! Cut to James as he has a pained look on his face!)

Dr. Denny (Audio only):
My god, James, What happened?

TLOTA:
This (Extended Expletive deleted bleep) just spat scalding hot tea onto my balls which is recovering from being waxed! (Cut to every guy in the group save for Chad crossing their legs! Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny:
Chad, I noticed that you did not cross your legs as did the rest of us guys who could. You are glad of what you did? You are as toxic as Lisa! (Cut to Chad Narducci)

Chad Narducci:
WHAT IS EVERYONE ON? DUMB PILLS?! JAMES ISN’T THE JOHNNY OR MARK OR ANYONE LIKE THAT HE’S A PATHETIC LOSER LIKE ALL OF YOU WHO WATCH AND ARE “TRAUMATIZED” BY A STUPID MOVIE! (Cut to Claudette)

Claudette:
You’re an idiot! Seeing naval banging and Tommy’s naked ass UGH! (Claudette drinks another bottle. Cut to Johnny)

Johnny:
And what about that moment in which they’re in Tuxes playing Football? That’s not bound to cause traumatic pain? (Cut to Peter as he chuckles and shouts SPOONS! Cut to Lisa)

Lisa:
Then there was the Spiral Staircase sex! That was something I’d like to try and I would do it after eating Tommy’s Penis! (Cut to a visually disturbed Chad Narducci)

Chad Narducci:
I take my rant about you sick bastards back! (Chad sits back down Cut to James sitting on one end, Chad in the middle and Julia Alexa Miller at the other end)

Julia Alexa Miller:
But I’m sure that production wasn’t as crazy as the movie itself, Right? (James smiles nervously with an eyebrow raised) RIGHT, JAMES? (James chuckles nervously as it cuts to the Title card of “The Disaster Artist” before cutting to James sitting there with a defeated sigh on his face, Julia Alexa Miller putting a trashcan over her as Chad cries as he has a total meltdown cursing James out in the process. Cut to clips of The Disaster Artist as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Yes folks, the legend exists! “The Disaster Artist,” tells the tale of the behind-the-scenes chaos that came from the making of the Iconically horrendous movie “The Room” and how it affected the relationship of two semi-unknowns named Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero. But is the movie as accurate as a Hollywood Bio-pic? Does this tell the insanity of the behind-the-scenes of “The Room” accurately? (Cut to James, Chad and Julia Alexa Miller)

TLOTA:
Short Answer, no! Long answer, You should check out the book in which the movie is based on “The Disaster Artist My Life inside “THE ROOM” The Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made” as written by Sestero to hear the behind-the-scenes stories from making the movie for more in-depth info on this trainwreck from hell, but for now, let’s check out the movie the book is based on this is “The Disaster Artist”! (Cut to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with testimonials of Kirsten Bell, Adam Scott, Ike Barenholtz, Keegan Michael-Key, Lizzy Caplan, Danny McBride, Kevin Smith, and surprisingly J.J. Abrams about their experience with watching “The Room” and their thoughts about the reputation of the movie. (Cut to James, Chad and Julia Alexa Miller)

TLOTA:
Ask some of the people in my profession and they’ll have some interesting thoughts on the movie. (Cut to the actual testimonials of Internet Reviewers who saw “The Room”.  Cut to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
We soon find ourselves in the year 1998 as we’re introduced to an insecure actor named Greg Sestero played by Dave Franco as he flounders in an acting class ran by Jean Shelton played by of all people Melanie Griffith! But as Greg walks back to his seat in shame, he meets the one and only Tommy Wiseau played by Dave’s big brother James Franco as we see well… (Show clip of Tommy Wiseau doing a bizarre rendition of Stanley Kowalski from “A Streetcar Named Desire”. Cut to Peter as he chuckles then babbles like a brook incoherently. Cut to James, Chad and Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Was that Tommy Wiseau doing the whole “Stella” bit from “A Streetcar Named Desire”?

TLOTA:
Yep. (James pulls out a case of Liquid I.Q. for everyone as it cuts to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
So after that Greg and Tommy quickly become friends, impressed by his fearless (snickers) acting Greg wants to learn more about Wiseau as he claims he’s from New Orleans has apartments in San Francisco and Los Angeles, how can he afford it? Do we get more information on Who Tommy is? You guessed it, NEVER EXPLAINED! After hanging around with one another for a while, and watching James Dean’s “Rebel Without a Cause” and other classics, Greg and Tommy decide to hit the pavement looking for Hollywood Fame and Fortune in acting. (Cut to James, Chad and Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Them and anyone desperate to make it in entertainment. (Cut to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As Greg signs with Iris Burton played by Sharon Stone and is getting guest spots in movies like Gattaca, Patch Adams, Retro Puppet Master, & EDtv. Tommy is not having as much luck as I wish I was kidding his Acting coach, played by Bob Odenkirk suggests he go for roles in movies remakes of “Dracula” or “Frankenstein” (Cut to Claudette as she hears that and grabs two bottles and starts to drink them at the same time. Cut Back to “The Disaster Artist” as James continues to do a voiceover.) As Tommy and Greg celebrate Tommy decides to hit the Dance floor. (Show Tommy Wiseau as he dances to “The Rhythm of the Night” by Corona. Cut to James, Chad, and Julia Alexa Miller as they tilt their heads as it cuts back to Tommy Dancing and the letters “WTF” cover the scene. Cut to George Wiseman as he chuckles and Tim just sitting there)

George Wiseman:
That Tommy is a great dancer, among his other abilities, Yes?

Tim Stereos:
Yeah, sure To-Uh George! (Cut to James, Chad, and Julia Alexa Miller.)

TLOTA:
What did you call him? (Cut to George and Tim)

George Wiseman:
George! My name is George!

Tim Stereos:
Yeah, Didn’t nearly call him Tommy! That’s for sure because Tommy Wiseau is not here, AT ALL! (Cut to James, Chad, and Julia Alexa Miller as they say “Right” in unison. Cut to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
However the good times don’t last as acting gigs for Greg dry up and Tommy being Tommy well, Yeah, there was NOTHING for him even after accosting Judd Apatow in the middle of dinner. One day Tommy stands on top of his Hollywood place as he contemplates his future. Then and there with Greg’s encouragement, the two decide to stick together as Tommy begins to write his (Snickers) Opus “The Room”! (Cut to a clip of Tommy as he goes over the plot of “The Room” even going over the fact Johnny is a vampire. Cut to George and Tim as they grumble over something. Cut to Johnny)

Johnny:
Either spit it out or go out to the men’s room to cornhole each other! (Cut to George and Tim)

Tim Stereos:
Uh actually, I don’t know if we should say this but me and George we worked on “The Room”

George Wiseman:
Yeah, we survived all the crew changes. We were there when Tommy said, “Maybe Johnny has a flying car because he’s a vampire” as a joke, nothing serious! (Cut to James, Chad, and Julia Alexa Miller as they say “Sure” in unison. Cut to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Greg looks over the script for what feels like hours is on board and Tommy having somehow put together the financing. Tommy decides to film in both HD & 35 MM! Any other filmmaker worth their weight in salt would go with a straight HD rental but nope, Tommy Wiseau decides that he’s gonna film in both 35MM & HD and he was going to buy the cameras from the studio. The studio he’s going to buy the cameras from thinks he’s completely cuckoo but decides that if he was going to take the cameras, they’d allow Tommy to film “The Room” right in that studio! After a regular Tommy Wiseau casting call, the cast is set, the sets and rigs for the cameras are set as Tommy sets out on his (Snickering as he talks) quest to make the greatest movie ever. (Cut to James as he bursts out into laughter onto the floor as it cuts to George and Tim)

Tim Stereos:
Wow, you lasted longer than most people who’ve critiqued “The Room”. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she stands up.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Well from what I remember from some of the other reviewers who tried to review “The Room” Tommy Wiseau threatened to sue them, even though the reviewers were in the right to review Tommy Wiseau’s “Movie” and how in the hell can you two defend Wiseau. (Cut to George and Tim)

George Wiseman:
We worked on the movie, we survived because we shut up and listened to Tommy Wiseau! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
OH, REALLY! (Julia Alexa Miller looks with intensity at the duo, keeps his eyes on them as he writes “George” & “Tim”’s initials and inverting them. Cut to a hallway as we see “George” taking off his costume and make-up appliances revealing himself to be Tommy Wiseau and “Tim” doing the same revealing himself to be Greg Sestero)

Greg Sestero:
Great Tommy! You had to say more than you should’ve! And of course, the one therapy group that we thought we could hide in and not be recognized, boom! We’re recognized as that guy in the shirt with that Star and Stripes whose Girlfriend figured out it was us and now we’re being lynched!

TLOTA (Audio only):
They went this way!

Tommy Wiseau:
I’ll blame you later! Right now we shut up and run!

(Tommy and Greg run out of frame screaming for their lives as James shouts and runs after them, followed by Julia Alexa Miller as she zooms by, Chad Narducci running by, followed by Dr. Denny, and the others with Claudette taking a drink then shattering the bottle and screaming as the scene fades to black, it then cuts to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
While the filming goes, for the most part, smoothly, Tommy’s inexperience makes the shoot quickly erode, and not helping is when  Tommy gets himself ready for his first day of filming as an actor, and well the results are… See for yourself! (Cut to the attempted filming of the “I did not hit her, it’s not true, it’s bullshit, I did not hit her, I did not! Oh, Hai Mark!” scene! Cut to Tommy Wiseau as he is strapped to the wall and Greg Sestero is duct-taped to a pole.)

Tommy Wiseau:
That is lie, It did not take 95 or however takes the movie said it did, it took three maybe five takes also I had a script on me so I could do the “Bullshit line!

Greg Sestero:
Tommy, I was there, I had to carry your ass through Thirty Two takes! THIRTY-TWO! (The two argue as it cuts to James, Chad and Julia Alexa Miller as Julia Alexa Miller stands up and confronts Greg and Tommy)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Listen, you need to stop arguing while James is trying to do his work, so now would be a good time to (Shouting which causes a minor tremor in the building): SHUT UP! (Cut to everyone shaking. Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny:
Excuse me, Julia? (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she returns to her seat)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Call me Alex! (Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny:
Okay then Alex, it appears you have quite an aggressive streak, one that rattled this building, are you like Chris-R where you cannot wait five minutes? (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller, Chad Narducci, and James Faraci)

Julia Alexa Miller:
I have patience, I also allow myself to have a healthy amount of anger. (Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny:
Well, do you direct it towards James or Chad? (Cut to James, Chad, and Julia Alexa Miller.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
When I am in the right to do so. One time, James took me on a trip to Aragrabah in his Space-Time Device, and the next thing I know we’re doing a Disney’s “Aladdin” adventure! (Chad sits there with a surprised look on his face!) Before then, Chad was giving me Tsouris over what happened right as I left James’ old studio, A couple of hundred volts of electricity and you’ll learn not to piss me off! (Cut to still images of everyone with a look of either shock or fear except for Lisa who might be happy to piss Alex off! Cut to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
After what probably felt like a year in hell or the only other way I can compare it to is being made to work for a day with Wiseau, Sandy Schklair played by Seth Rogen decides to cash a check and if the money isn’t there, he’d probably be the first one to tell everyone to bail, when to his shock and surprise, The money is legit! So much so that, I kid you not, the budget for “The Room”, again no joke is… (Cut to James as the music for Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movie at the 1:15 mark plays as camera zooms to his face as he points his right pinky to his left dimple)

TLOTA:
Six Million Dollars! (The same mark plays as it cuts to everyone else except James, Tommy & Greg as their jaws collectively hit the ground. Cut to James) Yeah, I was shocked at this as well! (Cut to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
While production drags to a crawling pace equal to the final season of “Mako Mermaids” and no basic services like comfortable days on the set, no water, craft services, or Air conditioning eventually leading to the actress who plays Lisa’s mom collapsing however Tommy feels like everyone including for Greg no reason outside of Tommy being suspicious of everyone’s support during the making of the movie especially since he has been recording all their honest criticisms and Tommy doesn’t like criticisms against him. I wonder who he reminds me of and when it comes to the infamous Naval Banging scene, tensions have reached an all-time high. During a break from filming Greg and his girlfriend played by Dave Franco’s wife Allison Brie meet up with of all people, Bryan Cranston while working on an episode of “Malcolm In The Middle” because Greg with his beard looks like a lumberjack! And this gives me and everyone here carte blanche to do this. (The Lumberjack song plays as Greg sings the song as James and the others dressed up like mounties and do the refrain and as the song ends Lisa says “And I thought you were so rugged!” then proceeds to try and eat Greg as everyone jumps Lisa to stop her. Cut back to the movie as James continues his voiceover.) Greg asks to withhold from shooting to be in “Malcolm In The Middle” but Tommy somehow forces Greg to shave his beard, Sacrificing a chance to be in a popular show and hopefully get away from Tommy. Finally, after one too many days of arguments and Tommy being an asshole, Greg while filming in San Francisco, walks off citing Tommy’s lying, selfish and duplicitous actions, and the movie is wrapped! (Cut to James, Chad, and Julia Alexa Miller as they sit in their chairs.)

TLOTA:
Which by any ordinary standards means that the movie would never see the light of day! (James holds in his snickering for five seconds before erupting in laughter for five seconds then regains his composure.) But for this crazy ass story, we’re nowhere near the finish line! (Cut to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
We cut to June of 2003, Greg has all but forgotten the horrors of working with Tommy Wiseau, he and his girlfriend have called it quits, and is now a working theater actor in L.A. One day while coming home from a performance Greg sees the infamous billboard promoting “THE ROOM”! He then comes home to see an invite to the premiere for the movie which thankfully with sanity reigning decides not to go, that is UNTIL… SURPRISE! SURPRISE! SURPRISE! Tommy’s back and forces him to come to the premiere in a limo filled to the brim with merchandising from “The Room” as Tommy and Greg drive past the premiere as Sandy says the most apropos statement about Tommy Wiseau! (Show the clip in which Sandy says it would be weird if Tommy did something normal! Cut to James)

TLOTA:
YOU AIN’T WHISTLING DIXIE ON THAT ONE BROTHER! (Cut to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The premiere happens and as people are laughing Tommy feels sad that no one is getting the movie but Greg is showing how this lemon is becoming lemonade! Tommy eventually relents to calling “The Room” a tongue-in-cheek parody of romantic dramas!

Julia Alexa Miller (Audio only):
WHAT?! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she gets up and hoists Tommy Wiseau over her head and Tommy is screaming for help and his mommy. (Cut to Chad Narducci and James)

TLOTA:
Okay, quick note, when Alex gets that angry… (A loud slam is heard and Tommy’s scream of pain shakes the footage) Thanks to the fact my current girlfriend read a magical letter from an ex-girlfriend of mine…(A loud slam is heard and Tommy’s scream of pain shakes the footage) She has the abilities of Supergirl, Wonder Woman, Carol Danvers’ Captain Marvel… (Strobing lights simulate Electricity as Tommy Wiseau screams in pain)… Storm and of course (James plugs his ears) Black Canary! (A scream is heard that shakes the footage as it cuts to the door and a thoroughly destroyed Tommy Wiseau with his hair now white and standing straight up on end. Cut to Greg who is now seeing Tommy Wiseau)

Greg Sestero:
JESUS CHRIST! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM? (Cut to the thoroughly destroyed Tommy Wiseau)

Tommy Wiseau (High pitched):
Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go! (Tommy collapses as it cuts to “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And as the ending plays letting us know that the movie is now a cult classic and in one scene we see Greg Sestero as he stands in silent misery knowing he’s sacrificed his entire career, knowing he’s stuck with this weirdo from “Chalmette, Louisiana”,  we’re given actual scenes from “The Room” playing in synch with scenes recreated for “The Disaster Artist” AND IF THIS MOVIE HASN’T ENDED ON THE WEIRDEST NOTE EVER! THERE IS A POST CREDIT SCENE IN WHICH TOMMY WISEAU MEETS WITH THE REAL TOMMY WISEAU CREDITED AS HENRI FROM CHALMETTE LOUISIANA! LET’S GO! (Show clip of Tommy Wiseau and Henri from Chalmette with Tommy saying to end this crazy fest “My god... Who are these friends Greg has?” as the Looney Tunes orange circles and ending theme plays it cuts to the recreation and the original scene of Tommy Wiseau shouting “YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!” in the center of the Looney Tunes orange circles then cutting to Nicolas Cage in the center of the circles shrugging comically with the words “THAT’S ALL FOLKS!” pasted over it! Cut to James, Chad, and Julia Alexa Miller.)

TLOTA:
So that was “The Disaster Artist” and Chad I think you have something to say?

Chad Narducci:
Why yes, I do! (Chad stands up and then proceeds to do the Woody Woodpecker laugh! Cut to clips of “The Disaster Artist” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
IF THIS WAS WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEHIND THE SCENES OF “The Room”? THEN IT DOESN’T SURPRISE ME THE MOVIE IS BONKERS FOR BANANA BALLS! “The Disaster Artist” with exception of minor inaccuracies the movie tells the stories that went on behind the scenes of “The Room” with a certain amount of accuracy. The acting is superb, the pacing of the movie is done well throughout the production, seeing what it was like on a movie set and if the people formerly associated with a certain site that's run by a feggulah and his group of Meshuggina schmucks decides to sell the rights to their collective stories to make a movie of their own then guess what I am all for it if you want to check out all of the behind the scenes madness of the room or you're just looking for a movie to prepare yourself for what not to do in making a movie or if you are devoted to Tommy Wiseau and his insanity then, by all means, check this movie out I highly recommend it. (Cut to Tommy Wiseau)  

Tommy Wiseau:
But what about “The Room”, do you like it? You do or you would not be a fan. (Cut to James as he sits in his seat)

TLOTA:
Well, the first time I saw “The Room” was to prepare myself for my brother's wedding, I could not believe what I saw. Yeah, it was perfect MST3K material I made more jokes about it than probably most people in my profession. I made an entire review in which Tom Hardy's characters from his past movies we're doing “The Room” for my review of “Venom”. (Cut to Dr. Denny)

Dr. Denny:
Reviews? What exactly is your profession James? (cut to Chad Narducci sitting next to James.)

Chad Narducci:
This piece of cock garbage? He's an Internet reviewer! (James turns to Chad. Cut to James running for his life with Alex following him and Chad as well. Cut to an angry mob as they try to Lynch James, Alex, and Chad. Cut to Claudette as she drinks from her bottle and smashes it screaming as she runs out of frame. Cut to Tommy Wiseau as he still has his chains around his wrists.)

Tommy Wiseau:
Come Greg he is getting away! We will tear him apart the bastard!

Greg Sestero (Audio only):
You go ahead I'll be right there! (Tommy screams and flails his chains every which way as he runs out of frame show Greg Sestero as he is hopping along still tied to the pole. Fade to black, end of review)