How to successfully go from reviewers to "Producers" with very little effort Part 2

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in a Physical Therapy Tub and groaning before a knock on the door)

TLOTA:

If it’s the two who dragged my now very concussed head and ass into the mess that not even an hour long DDP Yoga course could help alleviate the pain I’m in, you can go to… (James turns to see his lawyer Eric Adler played by James Daniel Walsh at the doorway) Oh Eric, Sorry, it’s been a couple of days and I’m still hurting from what Rhonda and her associates did and NO I’m not pressing charges! (Cut to the door as Eric Adler walks in)

Eric Adler:

Actually, I did some research on your new associates like you asked me to do James. (James opens the files and mutters.)

TLOTA:

Wow! Okay, I’m going to get dressed and meet up with my “Partners” and see where they plan on going! Because something tells me in the days to come, I’ll be so busy I might not see you, so if you see something with my face on a crowdfunding page, ready anything you can to sweep up the higher tiers, I’ll… (Cut to Eric Adler as James hands the files back to Eric Adler)

Eric Adler:

If this works, don’t worry about paying me back. (Cut to James as he puts on his Long sleeve American Flag shirt.)

TLOTA:

And make sure everyone else is ready to be in on this as well. Because if we’re going to take them down, we better make sure to keep things legally on the up and up. Besides with how they do what they’re doing, I’m surprised no one bothered to take them down from the inside. (Cut to images of Leo Bloom from both the original Mel Brooks movie and the musical movie remake as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And here is a problem I have with both movies Leopold Bloom, he knows his partner is bent and if everything went south, Max would’ve left Leo holding the bag. That fight over the cooked books towards the end meant that either Leo or Max and in the case of the two of them were heading for serious time in prison with the possibility of federal fraud thus putting them away for the rest of their lives! So why not have Leo teach Max fiscal responsibility or better yet have Leo work on taking Max down. It would’ve made Leo a more likable character and not a toady to a slime ball like Max Bialystock but even though Max liked Leo enough to treat Leo like an equal enough to call him Leo, I feel, me personally Leo was a patsy and instead of showing the spine to put Max away, he was lured into doing Max Bialystock’s bidding but when no one not even your parents called you by your given name, you’ll do anything someone else wants. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

Now something tells me, I’m about to go further into something I may regret later! (Cut to James as he walks into Tallycost and Flume’s office)

TLOTA:

Okay folks, now the time has come to… (Door knocks) to… (Door knocks again as it cuts to Alex and Theo)

Alex:

It’s probably one of the backers, I had planned to meet with. Come in! (Cut to James as he into the studio and a dramatic musical sting plays as a female played by Maria Feist speaking in broken English saying “Faraci”, “Tallycost”, “Flume” then saying, “Hope you have a nice day” in Portuguese as James says “Huh?” before the female continues on translated as “I hope I’m not too early! I’m here for an audition” then proceeding to say in broken English “Portuguese” and “Casting” as the others try to understand her.)

TLOTA:

Guys, I think she’s here for an audition. 

Alex and Theo (In Unison):

OH CASTING! Now we get it.

TLOTA:

Can I see identification. (James takes the purse and then he shows her visa card and the three shout out “YOWZA!”)

Alex:

Listen, we haven’t gotten everything ready and until the show takes off, we would like to hire you as a secretary and receptionist here and would it be okay if we just call you Alma.

Alma (In Broken English):

That would be amazing and yes you may call me Alma. I can start today! (Alma says “Hope you have a nice day” in Portuguese and James, Alex and Theo were trying to repeat and wind up misspeaking themselves.) God Bless America! (Alma walks out)

Alex:

God Bless Portugal

Theo:

Oh my, in that instant she walked in I felt something I’ve never felt in my life.

TLOTA:

You’re in love, welcome to humanity!

Alex:

And let me be the first to welcome you there, but now onto the business of making the money for the show. (Alex snaps and a cabinet of photos featuring many an old lady opens behind James) Voila, all the backers we need.

TLOTA:

Wait a second, I know most of these women, I meet them at the Supermarket when I shop for food, two of them happen to be women I disowned after my grandmother’s funeral over nine years ago! No! No! No! We are NOT going to them in the next few days to come, we shall see more of each other than ever. For we are to dive head first into Crowdfunding land! (James snaps his fingers closing the cabinet and “Along Came Bialy” soundalike play)

TLOTA (Singing): 

The tiiime has come to become aware of the world online! To bring in lucre without being in slime. To know of crowdfunding and succeeding in record tiiime! (James opens a laptop and sets up a page on a crowdfunding site) It’s time for you! To learn some new Voodoo! And show you what the internet can do! Or you can wind up cleaning poop! (Cut to different people ranging from Antoni Matteo Garcia to Rowdy and so many in the online community including, DukeCT, The Media Wiz and Steve Kidd who is currently out of jail after pleading “Insanity” on his smart phone and finding a link to a crowdfunding page before cutting to a video with Alex Tallycost, Theodore Flume and James)

Alex Tallycost (Singing):

I’m a producer with a new show and I need some money! It’s for Broadway this is the only way and I need your money! Be our angels not our devils and please let us have our show! (Cut to James as he plays a few notes on the Piano before returning to Alex) And if you win this contest, you’ll have the best. A VIP Experience and all you have to do is send us the most dough! It’s romantic and so emphatic that you’ll scream it to the heavens above! All we need is just this money and help celebrate LOVE! (Show everyone sharing and hitting the amount they want before cutting to the parking lot outside of the shared lot Of James, Alex and Theo as a squad of Mail men come and shout “Delivery for Alex Tallycost!” then do a well-choreographed dance number as they unload the checks.)  LOOK AT ALL THE DOUGH! (Cut to Todd In The Shadows playing the Piano version of the song being played)

Todd In The Shadows (Singing):

They’ve got a new show and they needed help and I donated money! (Cut to a chorus of internet personalities including Brian Zane, Rowdy, Nash Bozard, Linkara, ETC)

First Chorus of Internet Personalities (Singing):

They were desperate, they were hopeless, and we donated money! (Cut to A continually Bigger chorus of Internet personalities getting bigger)

A continually Bigger Chorus of Internet Personalities (Singing):

It was Tragic, they were manic! Then their prayers were heard from a-bove!  Thanks to Faraci! Our friend Faraci! He’s a culmination! A revelation! A Man of a nation! A totalization! A CELEBRATION OF LIFE! (Cut to images of checks and cash flying every which way as James, Alex, Theo and Alma grabbing the cash and checks from every direction before looking at the page as it shows it raised Six Million Dollars!)

Alex Tallycost:

HO MY GOD! WE’VE RAISED MORE THAN I PLANNED!

Theodore Bloom:

Now what do we do?

TLOTA:

We take the show to Broadway and hope for the best! (James snaps his fingers as it jump cuts to The four of them in Time Square sees advertising for “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” everywhere as a sound-alike to “Springtime For Hitler” plays in the foreground as the four walk out to the theater where “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” is going to be played as The Marquee lights up with “Coming Soon in 2 Weeks: The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” and the four shouting “WE CAN’T MISS!” as the four embrace each other and then cut to a day later in James’ studio)

Paulo Fonseca:

Can you believe that they’re opening in two weeks?

Brenda Fonseca:

Ay Papi, well they’re auditioning and beginning rehearsals Monday, previewing it a week before they premiere it!

Nick Yaun:

I just can’t believe that we have to sacrifice some of the props for this show.

Rebecca Yaun:

Haven’t we done enough?

Renee Miller:

Well if James’ plan works, he’ll pay us back, if it doesn’t he’ll be heading back home and into a level of hell even Dante looked at and said, “OH HELL NO!”

Mike Santos:

Still he has given us plausible deniability so that even if he were to land in the hoosegow, we’d be protected.

John Santos:

But what’ll happen to the Studio and us? Did he think about that?

Olivia Horvath:

He has it covered. I get the Studio.

Ed Champion:

Meanwhile one of us must pay for a storage locker to house the rest of the stuff.

Andrew Beach:

Can we hope that James knows what he’s doing? Okay the ads for the auditions for the show isn’t much in the way of a confidence builder. (Show ad saying, “Auditions for Actors to play Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden in “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” No experience needed” before cutting to a stage full of People dressed as Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden as Calvin Chia yells “ORDER! ORDER! WE MUST HAVE ORDER! SHUT UP!”)

Rhonda Degree:

Today we are seeing singing Saddams and Osamas! Calvin! Call the first pair! 

Calvin Chia:

Yes dar… Rhonda! (Cut to James, Alex and Theo as Alma serve them drinks)

Alma:

Is this normal?

TLOTA:

Oh yeah Alma absolutely because with the wrong casting everything would go to hell in a basket. (Cut to clips of the cast from both versions of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And to be honest it’s a rare moment when both the original and the remake have hit casts that knocks it out of the Park. But that’s what happened. In the original we have Broadway legend Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Christopher Hewitt, Dick Shawn and Kenneth Mars and they were freaking amazing. The Musical remake had Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, Will Ferrell, Gary Beach, Roger Bart, Jon Lovitz, Michael McKean and David Huddleston just to name a few names. But the biggest difference is in the character of Ulla. In the original Ulla played by Lee Meredith was a throw away character and basically Window Dressing. In the musical movie remake Uma Thurman helped give Ulla depth, dimension, legs, one hell of a voice and of course character! Uma gave Ulla more in one song than every dancing gyration Lee did.

Hassan (Audio only):

STOP! (Cut to the stage as Calvin and Rhonda and a group of Saddams and Osamas are shocked)

Hassan:

STOP! STOP! NO! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS. OKAY Yes, you are going to be an amazing Saddam Hussein! But you! YOU ARE A LITTLE MOTHER’S BABY! OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS BUTCH! And that is not how you sing (Speaking in Arabic “Have you ever heard the Arabic band?) THIS IS HOW YOU SING (Speaking in Arabic “Have you ever heard the Arabic band?” then saying in Arabic “B-Flat, Two-Two Time Modulate on the Bridge” then “Have you ever heard the German Band?” sound alike played on Arabic Musical Instruments before Hassan Bin Onsonar sings in Arabic “Have you ever heard The Arabic Band? With the bang and the boom? With the big bang and big boom? Oh, Have you ever heard the Arabic Band? With the bang and the boom? With the big bang and big boom? American Rock and Roll and Mexican Salsa can’t compare with music blessed by Allah I’m singing Have you ever heard the Arabic baaand? They have Strength! They have pop! They can SIIING! Western Country IT’S JUST PLAIN AWFUL!”) (Cut to James mouthing NO! as Alex and Theo look intensively)

Hassan (Audio only): 

(Arabic translation saying, “It has not meaning if it doesn’t have the Arabic…) (Cut to Hassan physically as he speaks Arabic ending with the word Halal before shouting in Arabic “KEY CHANGE!” then returning to singing in Arabic “I’m singing Have you ever heard the Arabic baaand? They have Strength! They have pop! They can SIIING! It’s the only kind of music that our Shahs and our Shakirs love to SIIING!” before cutting to James, Alex and Theo)

Alex:

THAT’S OUR OSAMA! (Cut to James as the music ends and he slams the door to his studio walks over the horseshoe couch and buries his head then screams as loudly as he can as Paulo and Brenda Fonseca walk in through the backdoor)

Paulo Fonseca:

James?

Brenda Fonseca:

You okay? (Cut to James as he pulls his head out of the couch)

TLOTA:

Alex just hired the writer to be Osama Bin Laden! One guy I knew from “Life As A Mermaid” to be Barack Obama and someone who is Hispanic and to be Saddam Hussein! Days like this make me want to scream to the high heavens at the top of the Catskills and it’s not that far away from here!

Brenda Fonseca:

Look James, there are going to be tough days to come, you’ve been through a lot and we all worry that you might not get through it. But you make it through and come out the better. (“’Till Him” soundalike plays in the foreground)

Paulo Fonseca:

It’s the fact you bring us along and we somehow find something to better ourselves through our adventures.

Brenda Fonseca (Singing):

No one ever put us go through so much ‘till you! 

Paulo Fonseca (Singing):

No one ever made us strong or such ‘till you! (Cut to Rebecca and Nick Yaun as they join in after coming through the back door)

Paulo, Brenda, Rebecca and Nick (Singing in harmony):

Our lives bordered on the boring always normal. Never had a trip. Then you came back in our lives then everything started to skip! (Cut to John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke and Renee Miller as they come in through the secondary hallway intro and join Paulo, Brenda, Nick and Rebecca)

John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke and Renee (Singing in Harmony):

No one made us feel special, till you! (Cut to Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach coming in through James’ mail room)

Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach (Singing in harmony):

We were stuck in a dry spell, till youuuu! (Cut to the entire Team TLOTA)

Team TLOTA (Singing):

You raise our quiet lives, right through the roof! There can only be one James Faraci and it’s you! (Cut to James sitting on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

Guys, I’ve put you through hell and yet you’ve stood by me. I’m grateful, I truly am. No one has done this much with me (Singing): till you!  (Cut to Team TLOTA as they sing “Oooh!” before cutting to James as he stands up on his feet)

TLOTA (Singing):

So many people thought I was screwy, not you! (Cut to Team TLOTA as they sing “Oooh!” before cutting to James) All my life was tepid, having thought I’d blown all my luck on bad chance. Then you put your faith in me and now we’re be on top at last! (Cut to Team TLOTA as they “Aaah!” as high as they can go before screaming and coughing and James running over to take care of them)

TLOTA:

Oh, sorry guys, didn’t mean to push you that hard. (Team TLOTA say in their own way that they’re fine as they take a slug of water)

TLOTA:

Any way the point is…(Singing): Would not be anywhere near where I am, without you! Glad to have my friends besides me, That’s Youuu! (James joins Team TLOTA)

TLOTA & Team TLOTA (Singing):

We stand side by side through the thick and thin!

TLOTA (Singing):

And when we are together….

TLOTA & Team TLOTA (Singing):

Weeeee Wiiiiiiiiin!

ORAC (Audio only):

Alert! Alex and Theo are attempting contact!

TLOTA:

Put it on the lobby TV! (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)

Alex:

James, we’ve got trouble! (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

What’s up? (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)

Alex:

Well unfortunately, the theater owner is going ahead without a second week of Previews meaning Opening Night is Friday! What are we gonna do? (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

Push through and hope for the best. (Cut to clips of when things go wrong in both versions “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

While yes Bialystock and Bloom were in immediate danger, they hadn’t thought maybe they can work things to their advantage. Did they have to pay the backers immediately or could they have waited until the show ended then paid off the backers. Did they have to pay the Gross or Net box office returns? They thought they had screwed themselves up bigtime when the truth is, had they waited it out everything would’ve balanced itself out. While yes desperate times called for desperate measures. I think killing the cast and or blowing the theater sky high is overkill. I mean yeah in the end in both versions neither got the hint that had they waited things might’ve turned out okay, but I guess when there is no clear definition of right and wrong the anti-heroes and yes Bialystock, Bloom and to a certain extent Franz Liebkind were not the heroes of “The Producers”. It’s a very rare thing to see in a comedy. (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

We will work through everything and by Friday we will be ready to open! (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)

Alex:

I hope you’re right because if we fail, we’re taking you with us! (The tv shuts off as it cuts to James and his team on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

So we’ve got work to do! (Everyone gets up as it cuts to that Friday and outside the Theater with the title “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” as a limo pulls up to the front to see James and Team TLOTA dressed in their finest on the red carpet as they all greet patrons and press members while Alex and Theo stand on the red carpet nervously.)

Alex:

You know with how little prepared we are, I’m hoping that things work out our way!

Theo:

Look at James, it’s like he’s been doing this all his life!

Alma (Audio only):

Tallycost? Flume?

Alex and Theo (in unison):

Yes. (Alma steps into frame dressed very lovely)

Alma:

First off Theo, your Bow Tie is askew. Secondly, there is someone who wishes to see James, she bid the highest in the crowdfunding and part of the reward is to get to meet one producer of their choice and she chose James!

Alex and Theo (in unison):

Okay. (Alex, Alma and Theo walk away as it cuts to Hassan coming to the red carpet on a Camel and glad to be there as Rhonda and Calvin come to the Red carpet looking like stars.)

Rhonda Degree:

Oh Calvin I can feel it all over me, it is the sensation of success.

Calvin Chia:

Oh I know what you mean! It’s like we’ve made art and everyone is gonna outbid themselves into bankruptcy just to buy into it! (Cut to James as he takes photos, shake hands and talks to the press as Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines come up behind James)

TLOTA:

Eliza! Traci! So glad you could make it!

Eliza Dushku:

We wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Traci Hines:

Besides, the other members invited us!

TLOTA:

Super, I’ll thank them after the show! Hope you guys will enjoy “The Summer of Saddam, Osama and Barack”! Tell everyone on social media to check the show out! (A voice from James’ distant past calls to James as 1:50-3:24 of “Clara” from season 7 of Doctor Who plays and he turns and has a look that turns from happiness to shock before James smiles sadly) Hi. (Cut to Alex, Alma, Theo and Lea Michele on the red carpet as James and Lea embrace before cutting to Olivia Horvath talking to the press as it cuts to James and Lea hugging before cutting back to see a concerned Olivia Horvath)

Olivia Horvath:

Hey Guys, I’m going to check if is James okay.

Others (Off-screen):

Okay! (Cut to James and Lea as they end a hug and Lea Michele walks into the theater and passes Olivia Horvath who touches her and sees inside her head the conversation before running to James)

Olivia Horvath:

James, are you okay?

TLOTA (Maudlin sounding):

I’m fine.

Olivia Horvath:

What did she say?

TLOTA (Maudlin sounding):

Break A Leg. (Sounds of crashing and smashing shakes James out of the Maudlin State he’s in as everyone goes to the back entrance)

Alex:

Hassan! Are You Alright?! What happened?

Hassan (Off-Screen):

I BROKE MY LEG! (Everyone walks away as Alex shuts the door)

Alex:

Now what do we do? 

TLOTA:

I’ve got an idea, Paulo, you sort of look like Hassan…

Paulo Fonseca:

Ten seconds ahead of you. I know the lines, Calvin, Rhonda follow me.

Rhonda:

Here’s hoping you know what you’re doing! (Paulo, Rhonda, Calvin and Alma run for the backstage door as the overture plays)

TLOTA:

THE OVERTURE! LET’S GET INSIDE! (Everyone except for Alex and Theo run off screen)

Theo:

Alex, THIS IS IT! (The two run off screen as it cuts to a Red Curtains and a Middle-Eastern musical band playing a soundalike to “Springtime For Hitler”)

A Chorus (Singing):

The Middle East was in turmoil; the U.S. was invading! Needed some heroes to send them down a spiral never ending! Where, oh Where were they? Where could those men lay? We asked Allah and he told a Shah the men who’d destroy the American monstrosity! (The Chorus dissipates as it shows a Taliban soldier played by John Ross Santos)

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

AND NOW IT’S THE… SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! THE U.S. WILL DIE IN AGONY! WE’RE MARCHING TOWARDS IT’S DESTINY! LOOK OUT WE’LL WIPE OUT WASHINGTON D.C.! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! EGYPT IS A NICE TRIP ONCE MORE! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! WATCH OUT AMERICA, WE’LL BOMB YA FOR SURE! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK!

Chorus (Singing):

LOOK IT’S SUM-MER!

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

A FATWAH ALL OVER THE U.S.!  THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! 

Chorus (Singing):

Summer! Summer! It’s summer!

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

COME ON SOLDIERS! ALLAH ALLOWS US THIS DANCE (A Dance number begins as a spotlight goes over to another Taliban soldier)

Taliban Soldier #2:

I was born in Yemen! That is why I’m called Durriken!  (The Dance Number continues as the spotlight goes to a third Soldier voiced by Chris Lee Moore)

Taliban Soldier #3:

Don’t be an infidel be a smarty, serve for life the Isis party! (Cut to James and John Santos as the dance number continues off screen)

TLOTA (in hushed tones):

Wow, either we as a collective country are getting dumber or they’re getting something I’m missing.

John Ross Santos (In hushed tones):

Whaddyamean?! (Cut to the audience as they sit there)

TLOTA (Audio only in hushed tones):

They’re sitting there! By all accounts they should be leaving the show in disgust by the droves! (Cut to James and John)

TLOTA (In hushed tones):

I mean, that was Bialystock and Bloom’s plan and it went south for them and I think it’s my other associates plans as well. (Cut back to the stage as another Muslim and Alma comes out and Alma says, “My husband allows me to say that our heroes are coming!” as the first three Taliban soldiers say, “Praise Allah!” before the three say “Praise Allah” in unison!)

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! (The image of the three split in half as The Actors who play the three Saddam, Osama and Barack arise as the crowd on the stage shout “Allah’s Praise be to you” as the three take a funny step forward as the three on stage start to slap each other silly ala The Three Stooges and the audience starts to laugh as they argue who deserves Allah’s Praise before cutting to after the show ends at James’ Studio door as Rhonda, Calvin, Team TLOTA and James are still laughing)

TLOTA (Laughing while talking):

OH Paulo, you were an amazing Osama, I couldn’t believe it how hilarious you were. (The laughing continues as it cuts to Rhonda and Calvin who is crying from laughing so hard her makeup is smearing)

Calvin Chia:

OH GOD, THE LAUGHS WILL ECHO THROUGHOUT THE GREAT WHITE WAY FOREVER!

Rhonda Degree:

IT’S THE FIRST BIG HIT OF MY CAREER AND I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S BECAUSE WE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT OR IF IT WAS KISMET BUT WE’RE THE TALK OF BROADWAY! (Laughing ceases as a thud from next door is heard.)

TLOTA:

I’ll go check it out! (James goes next door to see Alex Tallycost And Theodore Flume wrestling over the Accounting books and the duo screaming at each other to give them the books.)

TLOTA:

Well this is something I never thought I'd see today (Alex knocks Theo out and turns to James)

Alex:

We’re Ruined you son of a…

TLOTA:

Dude take it easy, it's not like… (The Door Behind James is shattered as Hassan Bin Onsonar, packing ammo and a bomb comes in to kill.)

Hassan: 

You have broken the Oath of Allah; you infidels must die! You all must die! (James, Alex and Theo scream and run around the office as Hassan Ululates and Rhonda and Calvin run to see the chaos.)

Rhonda:

What are you doing you Middle Eastern moron? The show is a hit!

Hassan:

Silence female scum! You have made a fool out of Saddam, Osama and Barack!

Rhonda & Calvin (In Unison):

They didn't need our help! (Hassan pulls out a gun as Rhonda and Calvin scream and Hassan Ululates as James pulls out the Sonic screwdriver before it is shot out of his hand)

Hassan:

Ah! there you are Mr. The Last Of The Americans, Tallycost and Flume! Pray for absolution!

Alex:

You know something? I think we're in too deep!

Theo & TLOTA (In Unison):

YA THINK? 

Hassan:

Die American infidels!

TLOTA:

Hold it there, spinach chin, don't you see what you have done you have created social satire done right! (Hassan has a confused look on his face as it cuts to other displays of Social Satire as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And when you do it right you let people know that they’re in on the joke is well. And honestly social satire has been kind of well done wrong as of late look at some of the recent episodes of South Park look at some of the movies that we've had to endure look at how TV basically mocks everything that's happening out there and basically says you're an idiot because we allowed 2 + 2 to try to equal 4 Instead of IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN. We need that now we need good social satire. South Park, The Daily Show, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee that is bad social satire because it basically insults everything because it's not their way they cry and they're not making jokes they are making it sound as if every second the world will end because it's not how they wanted it to be but I am reminded of a friend who said that bad art is a distraction good art elevates you and you my associate, have elevated social satire to the levels of where you are with Mel Brooks and his first foray into social satire in “The Producers” now I know that's exactly that's not something you want to hear right now but believe it or not if you're up there with Mel Brooks that's a good thing because outside of parody, social satire was his bread and butter in terms of his comedy. He never lost sight of what is funny out there even though he's not making movies or out there entertaining and you know what he doesn't have to he’s seeing How unfunny the world has become and he's not needed but I think in a time like this we do need him or someone better than him. (Cut to Hassan)

Hassan Bin Onsonar:

Wait Mel Brooks? Is he Jewish? (The others nod then Hassan growls) I cannot be seen with in the likes of a Jew! Hassan must die like a man! (Hassan tries to click the trigger to the bomb repeatedly with no success and sighs with defeat!) The Trigger doesn’t work! Boy when things go wrong, do they go wrong! (Hassan takes off the bomb and throws it outside the studio and it explodes as the police enter) I am not a member of any terrorist organization! I had nothing to do… (Officer played by John Ross Santos holds a gun to Hassan’s face)

Officer:

DROP YOUR WEAPON!

Hassan:

Okay! 

TLOTA:

Relax officers, we’re producers and we are working on a follow up to the Broadway show that just opened “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack!”

Rhonda:

Have you lost your marbles?! This Muslim Madman tried to Massacre us!

Calvin:

Oh Rhonda, such alliteration! 

Rhonda:

Thank you sweetie! (Rhonda and Calvin giggles as a second officer played by Nick Yaun)

Second officer:

Okay, you three can go!

Rhonda and Calvin (In unison):

Thank You! (James, Rhonda and Calvin get the hell out of dodge)

Second Officer:

Tried to kill them? Officer Beach take that man in to central booking for the night!

Hassan:

NEVER! YOU WILL HAVE TO KILL ME BEFORE I SURRENDER! (Hassan tries to make a break for it as sounds of things clattering and smashing are heard after he and the arresting officer run off screen)

Second Officer:

What the hell happened?

Hassan (Off Screen):

I BROKE MY OTHER LEG! (The Second officer looks around and sees Alex Tallycost trying to escape)

Second Officer:

Okay, who are you and why was he trying to kill you?

Alex (Sporting an Irish accent):

I haven’t the foggiest idea officer, the name is OooooooooooooooooooTallycost! And I was on me way to the Sheamus Film Festival and I tucked in to see what in the bloody hell was going on here and now I must be on me way before my voice gets higher! (Breathlessly laughs) As we say in the Old Country (Sounding normal) TAXI! 

Second Officer:

Freeze! (A third officer played by Cambell Dodson appears)

Third Officer:

Chief, look who I found hiding in a closet and what I discovered. One saying, “Show to the IRS” and the other saying, “Do NOT show to the IRS”!

Second Officer:

I think the four of you better come down town with us!

Alex and Theo (In Unison):

Four?

Second Officer:

Yep, You two and those two books

Alex and Theo (In Unison sounding defeated):

Of Course. (Silly music plays as a time circular cut shows James reading the headlines)

TLOTA:

“” The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” performances suspended indefinitely pending investigations into fraudulent financing through crowdfunding.” “Producers Alexander Tallycost and Theodore Flume indicted and though producing a profit that paid off the backers and those who helped in the crowdfunding opening night, future of “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” in question.” Guys, I feel guilty with all of that has gone down. (Cut to everyone else on the horseshoe couch)

Team TLOTA (In Unison):

Why?! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:

Because as much as I hated the situation I was in, I thought things were a step forward towards something new yet every step forward I knew I was taking five back but still… (“Betrayed” soundalike starts)

TLOTA (Singing):

Just like a bystander, I saw it happening! I thought I could ignore it and not let it get me! Aaaashaaaaaamed! Oh, WOW! I’m ashamed! Like Affleck after “Gigli”, a career is down the drain! Two people are in the hoosegow and I feel I should take the blame Aaaashaaaamed! Let’s face facts, I’m ashamed! OY, I can’t take it! OY, I may just break it! It should be me behind bars and making license plates for the cars! I feel like a failure and everything is lost! I’m out here dealing while Theo and Alex have their salads tossed! It’s so insane and did I mention I’m ashamed! Now they’re going off to jail and they’ve been denied bail and Alma left to morn them and I can’t even think of saving them! (Cut to James as he comes face to face with his team)

TLOTA:

I’m losing it!  I’m losing it! I can’t stand to be in this pain! I see my life flash before my eyes! I…I see my house where I’ve lived all my life! I’m playing with my Beagles and my Jack Russell terriers! And I see my papa! I see my dad in his usual attire (James fades into the background as James dressed and looking like his father comes into the foreground) And I can hear him say…” SCHWINEMAN! HURRY UP WE HAVE A HOUSE TO GUT! I DON’T WANT US HAVING ALL THAT WE HAVE! SCHWINEMAN! SCHWINEMAN!” (Cut to a very confused Team TLOTA looking at James before cutting to James) What? My dad doesn’t like the fact we have anything even the clothes on our back! (Cut to Team TLOTA)

Paulo Fonseca:

James, your dad says that? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:

I’ve got a great memory especially the past! (Singing): THE PAAAAAAAAST! A Burning Ember! And YEEEEEES! I know you remember! (Speaking): When did it begin? (Team TLOTA stand behind James as they prepare to help James) I walked into the office to get my check for the rent! (James stands up)

John Ross Santos (Mocking Theo):

You can make more money with a flop than with a hit!

Eric Kurtzke (Singing):

We Will Succeed! We Will Succeed!

John Ross Santos (Mocking Theo):

I’m in

TLOTA:

I’m Out! ALRIGHT! Fine, begrudgingly I’m in!

Eric Kurtzke (Singing):

Alright then let’s get to it! Step one) Find the Play!

TLOTA:

Seeing it, touching it, Smelling it for some odd reason, I ain’t kissing it! You deal with Hassan!

Paulo Fonseca:

Barack Hussein Mary Obama, Saddam Elizabeth Hussein and Osama Catherine Bin Laden

Eric Kurtzke:

Step two) Hire the director! (Team TLOTA Sing “Entertain! Entertain! Entertain!” as they quickly beat the bejesus out of James who lands head first into the couch)

Nick Yaun:

Dude, you okay? (Cut to James with his head in the couch)

TLOTA (Muffled):

I’m reenacting the pain I was in after the visit, during the commercial break! The pain that is a little more bearable now surprisingly and after the visit from them! (James points to the door as it cuts to Team TLOTA turning to see Eric Adler and Alma as they wave to team TLOTA and the men off screen say “Alma! Yowza! and Homina-Homina How-WOW!” before backing up and closing the door and cutting to James as he gets back up)

TLOTA:

Now, where were we? (Everyone hmms in thought before Eric Kurtzke snaps his fingers)

Eric Kurtzke:

Step Three) Raising the Money! (Everyone sings “We’re giving you the money!”) Step four) Hire the actors!

TLOTA:

The Author is Osama, A friend I know is Barack and a Hispanic Saddam! OY!

Everyone (Singing):

Opening Night!

TLOTA:

Break a Leg!

Paulo (As Hassan):

I Broke my leg!

Everyone (Singing):

The Summer of Saddam, Osama and Barack!

TLOTA:

They’re staying in their seats!

Everyone (Singing):

The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack!

TLOTA:

The funniest thing on Broadway EVER!

Everyone (Singing):

Ha! Ha! Ha! HA! HA! HA!

Eric Kurtzke:

Give Me the Books!

Paulo Fonseca:

HASSAN CHOP! 

Eric Kurtzke:

Give Me the Books!

Paulo Fonseca:

HASSAN CHOP! 

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

TLOTA:

Call the cops, away they go! I’m free as a bird! (Singing): Then the show is cancelled, and I’m racked so full of guilt! That is how I have been as if it’s how I was built!

Everyone (Singing):

Just like a common criminal, who just stole the Hope Diamond!

TLOTA (Singing):

Who’d have thought that I’d be sad once I climbed the top of the mountain? I can’t contain!

Team TLOTA(Singing):

We can’t contain!

TLOTA (Singing):

All of this pain!

Team TLOTA(Singing):

All of this pain!

TLOTA:

And of course!

Everyone (Singing):

THE SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!

TLOTA:

ASHAMED! (Cut to a Gavel hitting as the song ends and a judge played by Christopher Faraci sits on the bench)

Judge:

Before the trial continues I have heard from both the Defense and Prosecution that new evidence has come up and the man who has it would like to address the court! Bailiff call for the witness.

Bailiff (Played by Nick Slimmer):

The judge calls Mr. James Faraci The Last Of The Americans to the courtroom! (The court doors open as James and his attorney enter the door)

Eric Adler:

Eric Adler for the defense and my client has been authorized to hand over evidence that has been verified by New York Detectives and Technicians and Accountants. James, if you would.

TLOTA:

Thank you Eric, Your Honor, Mr. Prosecutor, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury after being in league with them in the production of “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” left me wondering if this is how productions even on Broadway are done the same way another pair named Bialystock and Bloom do their business. (Cut to clips of the original and movie musical version of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

I understand people in the entertainment business have both good and bad intentions. There’s no question about it in my mind that by today’s standards something like this dramatically speaking would work. There’d be so much bad blood that Bialystock and Bloom would wind up in the bottom of the Hudson instead of behind bars keeping their scam up. But maybe they should’ve learned that the scam they’re trying to concoct would and never should work. The story of the scam does work as a comedy especially from a genius like Mel Brooks and is worth of all the praise it deserves. (Cut to James in the courtroom)

TLOTA:

But while I may seem to be just rambling, I’m getting ready to make a point. If I may introduce Independent Evidence Exhibit A) The Crowdfunding page. If the jury and your honor will look and see that the most purchased were the ones that were from the one dollar to the hundred-dollar tiers and note the rewards. One dollar earned someone a weekly E-Mail update. Five Dollars earned A Weekly E-mail, a tee shirt and a credited thanks on the playbill,  For Ten Dollars you get the E-Mail, Tee Shirt, the credited thanks on the Playbill and a chat with one of the producers of the show on either Skype or Discord, Twenty Dollars gets the ten dollar tier and a ticket to the show which opened two weeks ago, Fifty Dollars get everything in the Twenty Dollar Tier and a brief walk on Cameo in a future production done by the producers, One Hundred dollars get the fifty dollar tier multiplied by 2. Now pay attention to the Hundred thousand to five hundred thousand tiers. The Hundred thousand is the Hundred Dollar tier plus one percent of the net profits, the five hundred thousand tier is the hundred-thousand-dollar tier but with two percent of the net profits! I’d like to show the Five hundred-thousand-dollar tier and how many bought it. Six of the ten offered were purchased Five hundred multiplied by six is Three Million. The hundred-thousand-dollar tier had twenty of the fifty offered were purchased, there’s another two million there, I over sold the lower tiers to get the last million plus an additional five thousand for all services rendered by the crowdfunding site and with that I introduce Independent Evidence Exhibit B) The real accounting books for the show. In here are the actual financial accounting for the Broadway show “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack”. (James hands the account books for “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” to the Prosecution then to the Defense and then to the Judge and Jury and everyone murmurs as the gavel slams and we cut to the judge)

Judge:

Mr. Faraci, given the evidence you found we nearly had a grave miscarriage in Justice. (Cut to the Prosecutor played by Garrett Schecher)

The Prosecutor:

Given the new evidence, I am willing to drop all the charges (Cut to the Judge)

The Judge:

So noted, Alexander Tallycost and Theodore Flume you are free to go with the state’s apology. We’re Adjourned. (The gavel slams as it cuts to James, Alex and Theo as they walk out of the court)

Alex:

So you undersold the upper tiers and oversold the lower ones. Why?

TLOTA:

To be honest, you two needed to be taught to do better without being criminals. (Cut to clips of both versions of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Because by the end of “The Producers” both versions, Leo and Max are continuing their con in a new way and that’s the wrong message. The duo should’ve learned how to be better fiscally accountable and not try the same things that put them into the big house in the first place. But with all my moral ramblings do I love the original and the musical remake? Absolutely! I truly feel they are worth the money and time to enjoy social satire that these movies provide. (Cut to James, Alex and Theo)

TLOTA:

And if there is ANYTHING to learn from this fiasco is one: Never get on board a project with you two EVER AGAIN and of course learn how being fiscally competent will save you a world of headaches. But after all that you’ve been through, I think I have one idea you can have for your next show free of charge. Just credit me as the author and we’re good. (Cut to the Marquee as it reads “The Gitmo of Love” as “Prisoners of Love” (Broadway version) sound alike play in the foreground before cutting to a stage filled with dancers dressed as Prisoners in Guantanamo Bay with the head prisoner played by Ed Champion begins to sing)

Head Prisoner (Singing):

Hope to Sing Sing! SING SING! 

Chorus (singing):

Prisoners of Love in the Gitmo of Love can’t keep our love in Jail! (The Warden/Calvin Chia pops out played by Antoni Matteo Garcia)

The Warden/Calvin Chia:

Nope can’t keep love in jail!

Chorus (singing):

Prisoners of Love in the Gitmo of Love!

The Warden/Calvin Chia (Singing):

Soon gonna send ya up the rail! 

Chorus (Singing):

Up the rail! Oh, they can waterboard us and kill our sanity! But the love in our hearts will keep us free in the Gitmo of Love and Blue skies above but we’re still prisoners, never getting out of the Gitmo of Love! Love! Love! Love! Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love! (Music ends as it cuts to Theo and Alex outside the Theater as they try to grab James when he comes along willingly this time)

TLOTA, Alex & Theo (Singing):

Theo and Alex on the right tracks! Right on the great white way! Theo and Alex off from the craps and they’re back to STAY! And if you send them money, never fear, they’ll roll them in the aisles in the theater!

TLOTA:

The writing’s good

Alex Tallycost and Theodore Flume:

The Cast is swell!

TLOTA, Alex & Theo (Singing):

And this we’re telling you sirs, you have no go, you have no show without PRODUCERS! We’ll make them hits! We won’t quit! (The three walk down the great white way as Signs for Parody Plays as a chorus sings “The Producers! Theo and Alex!” before a Marquee with the Words “The End” is thrown in front of us as it cuts to black before an image of Alex and Theo’s studio is seen as James and Diego are in the frame as a voice out of frame says “Kiss it! KISS IT!” as James says NO! and Diego loses it and Laughs and another voice says cut as it beeps and blooper and Behind The Scenes footage is on the left as credits are shown on the right hand side of the screen as it shows “Directed by Julia Alexa Miller, Antoni Matteo Garcia and James Faraci”, “Written By James Faraci”, “Songs by James Faraci and Antoni Matteo Garcia”, “Starring James Faraci, Christopher Faraci, Circe Rae Mears, Ariel Mears, Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion, Andrew Beach, Nick Yaun, Brenda Fonseca, Chris Lee Moore, Antoni Matteo Garcia, James Walsh, Garrett Schecher, Maria Feist, Diego Torres Kuri, Cambell Dodson, Marcella Di Pasqualle, Taylor Huff, Holden Weihs, Nick Slimmer and Special guest appearances by Lea Michele, Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines”, “Sets built by Thorn Winter and Robert Faraci”, “Produced in part by Validus Productions, Manic-Expression and Rowdy C Productions”,“ADR by Paul Schuler”, “Edited by James Faraci, Holden Weihs and Julia Alexa Miller” “Special thanks to EVERYONE for putting up with three directors and a lot of extra work Behind The Scenes.” Before showing www.Manic-Expression.com then cutting to a door as sound alike to “Goodbye” plays.)

TLOTA (Singing):

Thanks for watching our review! (Cut to Alma)

Alma (Singing):

It was the least that you could do. (Cut to Hassan)

Hassan (Singing):

Just click on the X to look for the porn! (Cut to Calvin, Rhonda and their team)

Calvin & Rhonda (Singing):

In case you haven’t noticed there’s nothing more!

Creative Team (Singing):

If you think we did good, then give us a like! (Cut to Team TLOTA)

Team TLOTA (Singing):

If you thought we stunk then tell us in the comments to Take a hike! (Cut to the courtroom)

Everyone in the Courtroom (Singing):

We’re so glad that we must shout! (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows (Singing):

Farethewell! (Cut to Calvin, Rhonda and their team)

Everyone (Singing):

Ta-Ta-Ta! (Cut to Hassan)

Hassan (Singing):

ma‘a as-salaama (Cut to Eric Adler)

Eric Adler:

Goodbye (Cut to a Chorus of women in Arabic attire and a man looking down in the center of the Chorus)

Women in Arabic Attire:

Just go! (The camera zooms to see Rowdy pop up in the center)

Rowdy (Singing):

GET OUT! 

Rowdy:

Leave already! It’s over!

Is there a real "Superman Curse"?

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. With the recent passing of Margot Kidder and of course it being Superman's 80th birthday, a lot of people have been talking about something that needs to be de-mystified. The "Curse Of Superman"! (Cut to different iterations of Superman in either live action or animated forms as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I mean it's not hard to understand how this supposed curse came to be! When Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster lost the rights to Superman to DC Comics they were plenty angry and for many of Superman fans many believe Siegel and Shuster planted the curse and the biggest victim is that of the "Curse" if there is one IS Superman, When George Reeves died in 1959 many believed it was either murder or suicide due to depression caused by being Superman. But I never put stock into that because by that point in George's career he seemed to be glad to be Superman and was looking forward towards doing more behind the scenes work including more directing episodes as much as he was acting in them and many believed this curse began when Reeves died, however the character seemed to be going strong in terms of Comic Book sales that is until November of 1963 Superman was at heights many superheroes now know of and there was going to be an issue in one of his comic books in which he and John Kennedy the President at the time were going to be together talking about the Space Program. I'm certain what happened to John Kennedy in November of 1963 pretty much put the bullet in Superman's popularity because after Kennedy died sales of his comics went down the toilet and an animated series that had Clayton "Bud" Collier returning after performing the character in Radio shows and the Fleischer Studios Cartoons was mainly seen as awful. There was a Broadway musical that tried to emulate the style of the Adam West Batman series to hopefully recapture some of the ground he lost but it fell to earth faster than a speeding bullet and a late night special that was adapted from the musical is so universally panned there is no known copy of it on DVD, yet somehow I found a Bootleg copy of it on YouTube. Don't ask me how, I found it and let's leave it at that. One of the ways the curse hurt Superman was when Editor Julius Schwarz made some dumbass decisions like making Clark a TV News Reporter, Lois be adamant towards her disdain towards Superman and some ideas like nixing Kryptonite and turning it into red Solar Radiation that can weaken Superman. So I was glad when Crisis On Infinite Earths happened because after that event comic they rebooted the character back to the core essence and thankfully even with the new 52 messing around a bit with changing him again DC got him back working at The Daily Planet, married to Lois Lane and from what I've read, they have a kid together so Mazel Tov to that. But that didn't mean the Curse didn't hurt Superman before that point. I refer you to the fact that had it not been for Standards & Practices every single Fire Island/San Francisco joke landing on the last son of Krypton in the "Superfriends" animated series. Meanwhile Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster must've been angrier than ever when it was discovered that Warner Brothers which at that point owned DC Comics in conjunction with Alexander & Ilya Salkind were going to make an 80 Million Dollar Blockbuster directed by Richard Donner, written by Mario Puzo, having Marlon Brando play Jor-El and all of that happening while the creators were scrapping by on minimum wage? Neal Adams, famed Comic Book Writer, Inker, Penciler, Editor and Publisher wasn't gonna have any of that! Neal Adams made a series of public appearances for the creators and have the duo tell their story as DC made millions while they made Peanuts in terms of financial success and the fact they weren't being credited as the creators of Superman. In essence, Neal Adams nearly committed Career Suicide to help Siegel & Shuster and it worked out the best for everyone. Not only did they get DC to give them royalties and a pension plan so the two can live comfortably the rest of their lives, Neal Adams got Siegel and Shuster the right to be re-recognized as the creators of Superman and in 2013 there was a settlement between DC and the Estates of Siegel and Shuster in terms of the Rights of Superman. Now you think that proverbial curse would end? To which I say "Have you not heard the behind the scenes chaos that happened during production?". While the first movie remains one of the best movies ever made, it's no surprise Superman II, Superman III, Supergirl & Superman IV are the way they are nor did it come to no surprise when DC thought the only way to revive interest in the character was to plan a wedding between Lois and Clark after not only having Lois discover Superman's secret of him being Clark Ken and they planned a funeral! I am of course talking about "The Death Of Superman" comic book storyline while sales went through the roof it also left everyone in the creative bullpen who worked on the story stymied on how to remedy the solution so they went all in with all the ideas. While it worked the curse apparently struck again as "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman" did decently in their first season, everyone in the creative side, Tracy Scoggins and Michael Landes were let go! But it didn't hurt the series run. In fact they had some pretty awesome episodes ranging from adventures with H.G. Wells to the second season finale in which Clark proposes to Lois with whom she had been dating apparently during this season and in the next season's opener well... (Show clip of Lois saying "Who's asking, Clark...Or Superman before cutting to James physically as he is left dumbstruck before returning to the clips of the series and other Superman incarnations as he does a voiceover) 

TLOTA(Voiceover):
That's right people, Lois discovered naturally that Clark Kent is Superman and throughout that third season the series went into unique places like having Nazis return to try and take over the United States and a psych-out moment that might've sent the series south when it's revealed that Lois Lane is in fact...A FROG EATING CLONE! WHAT?! Who in the writers room licked frogs and downed 100 lbs. of the Kryptonite Green Brownies to come up with such a whacked out convolution that'd send the post "Jumping The Shark" seasons of "Happy Days" into the funny farm. While the resolution to that is decent and the season finale would've been a good set up for a movie starring the cast of "Lois & Clark" while that didn't happen as the series got another season as in the comics Lois and Clark exchanged wedding vows. So as the comics did that, the series got another season which has the two tie the knot for real this time but by that point tragedy had struck Superman fans again, this time around with the first actor from my generation to wear the Superman suit Christopher Reeve suffered a life altering accident leaving him paralyzed from the neck down until he passed away nine years later then came the cancellation of "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman" got cancelled due to low ratings and the possibility of an new Superman movie coming out which didn't happen until a year after Christopher's and his wife Dana' passing. That movie is of course "Superman Returns", me personally I enjoyed the movie and if it's on, of course I'm watching it. But as for what happened to Brandon Routh, the actor who played Superman in "Superman Returns"? Despite what the movie "Ted" had implied, Brandon is now "The Atom" in the Flarrowverse. As a matter of fact after "Lois and Clark" both Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher had fairly successful careers. Teri Hatcher was a Bond Girl, won a Golden Globe for her acting on "Desperate Housewives" and went on to Cameo on "Smallville" as Lois Lane's mother and appear in the second season of "Supergirl" as Queen Rhea of Daxam which has Dean Cain appear as Jeremiah Danvers as a reoccurring character.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So did every Superman and Lois Lane away from the Salkind series somehow avoid the curse? Or should I ask, Is The Superman curse real? Honestly... (Cut to different iterations of Superman as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I really don't think the actors or performers  who have been a part of the legacy of the Man Of Steel are cursed because of Superman, I just think they've had some bad breaks and the connecting factor is Superman. But for many mentioned they somehow embraced Superman, aside from Dean Cain, Teri Hatcher and Brandon Routh. Christopher Reeve decided to use  the Superman Insignia as a symbol of hope and promise for his foundation to help find a cure to paralysis in addition to that the voice actors who played Superman in animated forms still have careers in Hollywood as well as ventures outside of it. But if there is a curse and there are people who wish the curse was real and would attack Henry Cavill, I don't believe in it and neither should anyone who believes in Superman. There is a reason Superman is iconic, he does what is right no matter what happens and nothing not even a curse, if there is one will stop Superman from being a symbol of Hope and of Truth, Justice and The Human Way. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion! 

"Superman III" to the third power co-written by Jeff "Writrzblok"Gwinnup and Gus "The Nostalgia Kid" Webb

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers Movie Power Rangers at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman  and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with The Nostalgia Kid, Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Writrzblok, Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to  The Nostalgia Kid dressed as James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

The Nostalgia Kid:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Can you believe that Superman is EIGHTY FRICKIN’ YEARS OLD?! (Cut to different clips of Superman in all his incarnations as the John Williams’ Superman Theme and The Nostalgia Kid does a voiceover)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
And while he is mainly revered he’s also been the butt of far too many jokes. Some being about how he’s too old fashioned, he’s too powerful and of course if it were not for the standards and practices of networks I’m willing to believe they would’ve put every “Fire Island”/ “San Francisco” joke onto Superman in the “Superfriends” cartoons. Fortunately, in 1978 father and son duo Alexander and Ilya Salkind brought the renaissance of Superman with the first Christopher Reeve Movie under the direction of Richard Donner. However, during production, The Salkinds and Pierre Spengler were at odds with Richard Donner and he was promptly fired while trying to finish “Superman II”. I went over both The Donner and Lester Cuts a while ago so check out my feelings about the two.  (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid dressed as James as James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

The Nostalgia Kid:
But what bridged the greatness of the first two movies and the crap we in the online community have had to deal with is…

TLOTA (Audio Only):
Superman III!

The Nostalgia Kid:
Who said that?

TLOTA (Audio only):
Over here dude! (Cut to the doorway as we see James Faraci The Last Of The Americans at the doorway.)

TLOTA:
What are you doing? (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid as he quickly tries to get out of James’ suit.)

The Nostalgia Kid:
Well you see, I know you’re a Superman fan and I have been wanting to review a Superman movie and I know Superman IV has been done to death as has “Superman Returns” I figured I’d try something more middle of the road. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Are you kidding me?

 (Cut to the trailer title card of “Superman III” before cutting to clips of “Superman III” as the John Williams "Superman Theme" plays in the foreground James & The Nostalgia Kid does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
“Superman III” sounded like a good idea on paper, but it didn’t come out as well thought out. The Comedy is more intolerable than any one joke in “Superman IV: The Quest For Peace”, The story is less intelligible than that of “Superman Returns” and I TRIPLE DOG DARE someone to say anything positive about the forced contrivances just to try make anyone believe half of the insanity that happens in this movie.

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
Will this make us pine for “Superman Returns” or will we be begging for Superman to snap our necks just as he did in “Man Of Steel”? (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid & James in James’ office)

TLOTA:
Let’s see if this is worth the pass from being considered one of the worst Superman Movies. This is…  (Static interruption)

TLOTA:
Now what? (Static interrupts as it cuts to Writrzblok sitting in his chair, with his bookcase full of graphic novels behind him which looks like a corner in James’ main lobby.)

Writrzblok:
Happy Fifth Anniversary, James. (Cut to James and The Nostalgia Kid)

TLOTA:
Thanks

The Nostalgia Kid:
And you are?

Writrzblok:
I’m Writrzblok. Think of me as the guy you dial up when even the Last Angry Geek won’t return your calls for a comic book reviewer. 

TLOTA:
Oh, right, Writrzblok! Though what are you doing in my main lobby? (Cut to Writrzblok in the Main Lobby)

Writrzblok:
Let’s just say I’m sorting some things out and leave it at that. Plus, I reviewed the Superman III comic adaptation, which required me to watch the movie for research and comparison, which means I’m fully aware of what I’m getting into here. As to why I’m here in the Main lobby, don’t ask, just get here and we’ll do this on the couch. (Cut to Writrzblok, The Nostalgia Kid and James on the couch in the main lobby)

Writrzblok:
So…

The Nostalgia Kid:
Shall we?

TLOTA:
Absolutely this is… Superman III! (Cut to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid, and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
The movie opens in the Unemployment offices of Metropolis with a woman whose head is ninety-percent hair. And I thought Gary Spivey had a bad perm. We’re introduced to Gus Gorman played by The Late, Great Richard Pryor. He talks with the floofy-haired receptionist about his troubles in finding a steady job. The receptionist with the hairstyle of inserting a fork into a light socket tells Gus he’s no longer eligible for unemployment after thirty-six weeks.

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
After bumming a match off a guy which has an ad for a computer school we see our opening credits and BOY are they underwhelming. Showing exactly what we’re in for, unfunny comedy and Superman once again played by The Late Christopher Reeve being Superman for a small portion of the run time. We’re in for a fun ride! If only I was old enough to drink.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Well to be fair the opening credits do show what’d be like in Metropolis on a normal day especially when a guy hits a fire hydrant, Superman changes in a photo booth and gives the kid who played the young Kal-El in The first Superman movie a photo of his adult self. But I’m sure there was more they could’ve added in. (Cut to a green screened image of James walking the street as the blind man running the road painter knocks James into a street sweeper passing by before cutting to Paulo & Brenda Fonseca as they trip the bank robber played by Writrzblok into a window and the Police Officers played by John & Mike Santos arrest all three before cutting back to the movie as the four of them continue their voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
After the wacky hijinks, we found out Gus is, apparently, a natural-born computer whiz, having performed a task on a computer thought to be impossible. We soon find ourselves in the Daily Planet as Jimmy Olsen, played by Marty McFly’s Older Brother Marc McClure is handing in his photos of Ross Webster played by the late Robert Vaughn, his sister Vera played by Annie Ross and Lorelei Ambrosia played by Pamela Stephenson to Perry White played by the late Jackie Cooper just as Clark decides to return to Smallville and Lois Lane played by the late Margot Kidder decides to head on out to Bermuda. (Cut to the group on the couch as they look at James.)

TLOTA:
Fine! Apparently, there was some discord while Superman II was being produced and Gene Hackman decided not to return for the third one while the late Margot Kidder only appears in the beginning and ending of the movie because she was upset with The Salkinds for firing Richard Donner. (The Nostalgia Kid sighs and shrugs before cutting to the movie as James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid do voiceovers)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
We soon find out that Gus is hired by Ross Webster’s company though he is unhappy about the piddly excuse of a paycheck when he discovers that there is something called half cents and finds them in the accounting program and takes it for himself. Wow, he really is a computer whiz if he’s able to rob his boss blind like that while being that unfunny.

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Jimmy & Clark literally talk turkey on the ride to Smallville which is stopped thanks to a Chemical plant going Kerblammo and I know by this point Marc McClure is hoping to get out quicker, so he can appear in an episode of Trapper John M.D.  But leave it to Superman to come up with the most implausible way to save the scientists that are trapped by turning a smokestack into a slide! I should note that in the comic adaptation, the workers were shown to be saying “Whee!” as they slid down. However, there’s something more pressing. Apparently, there’s a room filled with acid that once heated to 180 degrees Fahrenheit it becomes a cloud of acid that’d eat more than Matter-Eater Lad, Shaggy, Scooby, Goku and Luffy in a buffet! We’ll classify this as Chekov’s acid.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But to add on the "Totally Screwed" factor that keeps piling up in this movie the pump house to the firehoses goes out forcing Superman to freeze the lake five miles away and drop the ice onto it. Even though by normal conventions Ice dropped from that height would’ve just crushed the plant Monty Python style but it melts into a rain storm with enough water to put the fires out and stop the acid from heating to the acid cloud temperature.

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
After that pointless bit, Ross Webster discovers Gus’s Scheme and instead of turning him into the proper authorities he has Gus become a lackey to have him wipe the half of Columbia’s exports which is their coffee crops off the map. Why? Because he wants to control the coffee. Why you may ask? Good question. (Cut to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok)

Writrzblok:

You want to know who else has coffee? Brazil, Costa Rica, The Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Ethiopia, Guatemala, Honduras, India, Indonesia, Jamaica, Kenya, Mexico, Nicaragua, Papa New Guinea, Peru, Rwanda, Tanzania, Uganda, Vietnam, Yemen and Zimbabwe.

TLOTA:
Uh, Writrzblok, it’s stated that he has deals with those countries. 

Writrzblok:
I guess I forgot about that fact.


TLOTA:
What are you, a shut-in?

The Nostalgia Kid:
Or a coffee fiend? (Switches back to TLOTA, Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Clark goes back to Smallville as he goes to his High School reunion and meets with his old high school sweetheart Lana Lang played by future “Smallville” (Doing a Ben Affleck “Batman” growling voice) MARTHA (Back to normal) Annette O’Toole.

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
The two quickly rekindle their friendship as Brad played by Gavan O’Herlihy try to drunkenly win Lana as well. But Lana obviously likes the guy whose photo doesn’t even look like Jeff East in the class photo taken all the while Clark becomes the man Lana and her young son Ricky played by Paul Kaethler need, especially when Ricky is nearly shredded into chipped beef by a wheat thresher and to be fair the transition from Clark to Superman is awesome in this sequence.

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Gus makes it to Smallville and gets into a small branch company owned by Webster and wouldn’t you know it, MORE WACKY HIJINKS! (Show clip of Gus messing around with the technology intersperse cut with James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok looking as the lights turn on and off before cutting back to the movie)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
After that comedic concussion, Gus finally gets a Weather Satellite to wipe Columbia off the map. And here is where I have one of the biggest problems of having Richard Pryor in Superman III most of Richard Pryor’s edge has been pretty much shorn off for this movie. And it’s not like he hasn’t done family comedies before this. However, here it just comes off as trying way too hard to be funny and I’m just not feeling it.

TLOTA & The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover in unison):
No disagreements here

(Show clip of Ross Webster, Vera and Lorelei celebrating and plotting their next scheme before Gus comes in and tells them what happens before cutting to James, The Nostalgia Kid, and Writrzblok on the couch)

TLOTA:
He’s gonna be unfunny for a while, isn’t he?

Everyone else (In Unison):
Yep!

TLOTA:
Okay then let’s take a break. I’ll get the Martinelli’s and the Liquid I.Q.

(James walks away as the others sit there in agony as Gus continues to talk as it fades to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to the movie as James The Nostalgia Kid, and Writrzblok do voiceovers.)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
So if you were able to get through that rib tickling humor Richard Pryor brought to the moment. He basically tells Ross Webster that all his plans to hurt Columbia went up in smoke thanks to Superman. 

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
They soon discuss how they can stop Superman when Kryptonite is brought in to the conversation. Ross suggests to Gus to contact the Satellite and find a sample of Kryptonite! Why not go to Addis Ababa and get a sample? Because it’d be 2+2=4 and not 2+2=IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN!! (Show Gus as he shouts, “I CAN’T SKI!” and falls off the roof and turn into a blood splatter on the screen before cutting to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok on the couch as James and Writrzblok chew out  The Nostalgia Kid about how his edit turning Gus into a blood splatter was too much even for their taste and The Nostalgia Kid defending his decision before cutting to the movie as everyone continues their voiceovers)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
He doesn’t die though Richard Pryor’s career barely recovers after being in this movie. After getting the Satellite to find a sample of Kryptonite when one of the elements is “UNKNOWN” Gus guesses cigarette tar giving us Faux Kryptonite. The Hell? (Cut to everyone on the couch as The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok look at James)

Writrzblok:
Mind if I take this one?

TLOTA:
Sure thing dude.

Writrzblok:
Alrighty then. One of the proposed ideas for this movie was that there would be different forms of Kryptonite coming in to affect Superman and some of the others was meeting Kara Zor-El AKA Supergirl while dealing with Brainiac & Mr. Mxyzptlk. In fact, there was going to be a darker, more dramatic Superman movie however for one reason or another Warner Brothers discarded until they were left with a plot that made no sense in terms of Superman logic but also a lack of common sense logic. Oh, and apparently Brainiac, Superman and Supergirl…Superman’s COUSIN…are in a bizarre love triangle because pass me the Martinelli’s. (Cut to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After a celebratory reception from Smallville’s town folk to thank Superman for not only saving Ricky from being turned into a bloodstain but for the putting out the fire from the chemical plant when we get EVEN MORE FREAKING UNFUNNY RICHARD PRYOR! (Show clip of Richard Pryor being a Three Star Gen talking crazily while cut to the three of them behind the couch as they bang their heads on the wall rhythmically before cutting to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid, and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
So if you haven’t died from Not laughing. Gus hands Superman the Faux Kryptonite which turns him into DARK Superman! Just how dark Superman become? He allows a trucker to die falling off a bridge while creepily flirting with Lana, puts out the Olympic Torch and straightens out the Leaning Tower of Pisa! Even though the architects knew the ground was unstable and decided to build it accordingly, so it would lean but not fall over. Not to mention the structural damage would’ve caused it to collapse, destroying it completely!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Ross Webster begins his oil plot by forcing oil tankers to stay in one spot and then having Gus shut down all the oil derricks. Gus does so accordingly but only if he gets what he wants which is to get a Supercomputer built. But the size of it needs to be in a cavern. Although one tanker decides to disobey the order to stop until Lorelei asks Dark Superman to stop that oil tanker. He does so and while the Supercomputer is being built we get… OH GOD! OH NO! NO! NO! (Cut to everyone trying to look away while The Nostalgia Kid screams “CUT AWAY!” Writrzblok facepalms himself aggressively)

TLOTA:
DON’T GO ANY FURTHER! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER! SHOW SOMETHING ELSE! ANYTHING ELSE!

(Cut to Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson does a funny Polka Jig while in the background we get a shot of Deadpool’s crotch as twin pictures of Tommy Wiseau cover Deadpool’s Balls and in the foreground the first seventeen seconds of Da Jodel Rudel play before a record rip is heard as the image cuts away to a green screen and a very upset Julia Alexa Miller stares at Deadpool as she takes off the mask to reveal that it’s Cambell Dodson as he nervously smiles and runs away from a very angry Julia Alexa Miller before cutting to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok)

TLOTA:
Don’t ask what the reason for that was, just be glad after seeing what we just saw it was the perfect insanity cleanser for us! (Cut to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As you hope to never think about Superman under the influence of Faux Kryptonite and I HOPE NEVER TO FIND OUT WHAT HE DID! Lana has had enough of Brad calling all the time and tries to go to Metropolis just as Christopher Reeve I mean DARK Superman decides to drink and fire peanuts like bullets.

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
After he read the reviews for this movie wouldn't you get tanked? (Show clip of DARK Superman screaming “What are you staring at?” with James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid saying in unison “A Fallen Superman” before Ricky’s voice trying to get Superman back to normal echoes in Superman before Superman screams and the echoes echo to James and everyone on the couch before cutting to a duo played by Paulo Fonseca and Eric Kurtzke in a small village surrounded by a forest as Superman’s pained screams continue to echo)

Inigo (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
Fezzik, Fezzik, Listen do you hear?
It is the sound of ultimate suffering! My heart made it when Rugen slaughtered my father. Now Superman makes it!

Fezzik (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
Superman?

Inigo (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
Yes, his movies are starting to stink, so who else besides Superman would be suffering? We must help him! Excuse us, pardon us, Fezzik if you would please?

Fezzik (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
EVERYBODY MOVE!  (The crowd parts like the Red Sea)

Inigo (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
Thank you! (Cut to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
After that scream which affected even The Princess Bride for some reason Dark Superman and Clark Kent separate and if I could (The Movie pauses as The Nostalgia Kid takes the head off DARK Superman and replaces it with Henry Cavill’s and paints a moustache onto Henry Cavill’s face chuckles then runs away as the movie continues)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
Clark and Superman fight in the junkyard and honestly, this is my favorite scene in the movie. The fight itself is well choreographed for the budget they had. It’s not a DBZ-style smackdown but considering this came out well before even Dragon Ball, I doubt it’d have been much of an inspiration.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After throwing tires and being tossed into a compactor, getting slammed with a magnet and placed onto a metal shredder. Clark has had enough of Dark Superman and everything he did to tarnish Superman’s image and decides to choke a bee-atch!  

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
This could’ve been a great display of showing how even Superman, someone whose moral fiber is nigh unshakeable, can have moments of doubt, frustration and even anger at the role he plays and how it affects his dealings with the very people he’s sworn to protect. Sadly, it’s a teeny tiny diamond in a great big pile of coal. (Show the rest of the fight as Clark chokes the life out of Dark Superman and Dark Superman disintegrates before cutting to James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid on the couch)

TLOTA:
At least Superman didn’t have Zod’s neck in his hands! (The others prepare to open their mouths and they nod as if to say “James makes a good point” before cutting back to the movie as James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid do voiceovers just as Clark stands up and reveals Superman’s insignia)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After regaining his strength and life Superman gets to work by replacing the oil he spilled and bringing Webster, Vera, Lorelei and Gus to the proper authorities!

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
However, Webster is not in his personal ski lodge on the top of his building. The gang is on the run as they hover down to the Supercomputer except for Gus. (Show clip of Gus saying, “I just don't believe a man can fly.” Before cutting to everyone sarcastically chuckling as well before cutting back to the movie as James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid do voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
As Superman rockets his way to the canyon with the supercomputer inside he tries to evade missiles while Ross Webster plays a video game trying to kill Superman. Yeah for many, this is just the height of DUMB and it’s not hard to see why. I mean if you’re fighting Superman, you should be seeing the footage of Superman taking on the missiles in real life not with a video game simulation! And here I thought when The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles did a simulation of their lair while trying to stabilize their mutation was STUPID!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After taking a missile that looks like it was designed by a Cylon. Superman makes it to Ross Webster and the others as they start off with what they call an invisible shield which is as invisible as neon green would be in a grey environment. Superman escapes the shield as he’s suddenly hit with real Kryptonite! Realizing he’d be a part of Superman’s murder Gus heads on down and shuts off the supercomputer after a brief battle with Ross. Well that was ea...(Show clip of Gus discovering that the machine is coming back to life on its own.)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
The Supercomputer is now sentient and with that Gus takes out it’s Kryptonite canon and knocks Gus out. Though I think by that point in time Richard Pryor wished he was dead and what does Superman do? Run for his own existence!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And to anyone who saw this when they were kids like I did prepare to have Vietnam Flashbacks like I’m about to in 5,4,3,2… (Show clip of Lorelei escaping but Vera becoming a robot and escaping and hurting the people around her before cutting to The Nostalgia Kid, Writrzblok and James curled up into a ball on the couch and sucking on his thumb.)

Writrzblok:
Aaaaaand Vera has just become the Borg Queen. Yup. This is a thing that’s happening. (Looks to James) Is he going to be alright to finish this review?

The Nostalgia Kid:
Let’s help him by escorting him to the toilet and he can crap himself better. (Cut to the two standing outside the Port-A-Potty as screams of abject fear and diarrheic sounds coming out of the Port-A-Potty before cutting to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
Superman returns with a can of Chekov’s acid from the Chemical Plant and after dealing with Seven of Nine and three-quarters, Supercomputer starts heating the acid and with a missed Special Effects shot of Superman heating that can of acid to the point it destroys the Supercomputer. (Cut to later as Superman says that the Supercomputer died from Acid Indigestion before cutting to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok on the couch as James makes a call on his cell phone before cutting to Hell as it has just re-ignited and The Devil played by Paulo Fonseca)

The Devil:
Yello!  (Cut to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok on the couch.)

TLOTA:
Yeah, we heard a joke that was SO bad we need all of you down there to Boo with us! (Cut to The Devil)

The Devil:
You got it! (Cut to James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok on the couch.)

TLOTA:
Okay, Everyone ready? On Three. ONE, TWO, THREE! (Show everyone booing and throwing things at the screen before cutting back to the movie as James, The Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok do voiceovers)

Writrzblok (Voiceover):
So Gus is forgiven by Superman, because that’s just the kind of guy he is. Lana moves to Metropolis just to become Perry’s Secretary and Assistant and never appear in these movies again.

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
Though Superman’s rep still needs to be rehabbed, maybe he should try ridding us of our nuclear weapons

 TLOTA (Voiceover):
DUDE! Don’t even Joke about it. Anyway, Brad suffers an embarrassing exit, though admittedly had a more dignified ending in “Willow” (Show clip of Airk dying in “Willow” before cutting back to “Superman III” as James continues his voiceover) And the movie ends on the bad joke of Superman returning the Tower of Pisa to it’s leaning state! Un milione di grazie Superman! (Show clip of Christopher Reeve Superman movie ending then cut to James, Writrzblok and The Nostalgia Kid on the couch)

TLOTA:
As much as I like this movie as a guilty pleasure, it’s not completely flawless as I’m sure you guys are thinking that… it kind of sucked for you to sit through. (Cut to Clips of Superman III as the John Williams "Superman Theme" plays in the foreground as The Nostalgia Kid, Writrzblok and James do their voiceovers)

The Nostalgia Kid (Voiceover):
I’ll admit that this movie has its good points, that is when not overusing sight gags, slapstick and Richard Pryor and when Superman III resorts to plot points rehashed from the last two movies. Otherwise it could’ve been WAY more worse than People make it out to be

 Writrzblok (voiceover):

Having seen the movie twice now, I would like to admit that maybe I wasn’t being entirely fair to Superman III. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s still a bad movie and none of the gags worked for me, even with a comedic great like Richard Pryor trying his damnedest to make it work. The story ended up being way too dumb and, at times, kind of creepy, especially the scene where Superman tries to put the moves on Lana when they’re alone. I can attribute it to the fake kryptonite, but it’s still an unsettling point in a movie that is ninety percent light-hearted slapstick. Especially when it diverts into almost a horror movie at the end with the Supercomputer trying to assimilate everyone. The highlight for me is still the Clark vs Superman fight and I wish we could’ve had more of a build-up to that or explored that more instead of the bad gags and tedious, unnecessary schtick. Is it the worst Superman film out there? Absolutely not. BUT, if you’re a purist who wants it for the collection or to play it as background noise, you could do far worse.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I’ll say this, it’s not a good movie nor is it as bad as “Superman IV: The Quest For Peace”. It’s a definite Saturday/Sunday Afternoon movie. Harmless Popcorn flick that could’ve been worse but if someone out there thinks it’s the greatest Superman movie they ever saw, then maybe we need to raise our bar on how Superman should be! (Cut to James, The Nostalgia Kid, and Writrzblok)

TLOTA:
Well, thanks for dropping by though I do have to ask why you are here.

Writrzblok:
We wanted to take a little bit of the pressure you’re under from you otherwise you’re gonna explode! Also, you pretty much begged me to come and review this with you. But most importantly…well… I’ll say it, your friends are worried you might not make it to see the next day, so we had a conversation and said we’ll handle what’s next on James’ schedule. James you’re awesome and I’m not afraid to say that but you can’t keep going like this. You’ll destroy yourself before you know it.

The Nostalgia Kid:
He makes a good point. Look we can’t convince you to stop all together or anything like that but promise us that you won’t let this kill you inside.

TLOTA:
You know something, I shouldn’t just promise you guys, I should get everyone else! HEY GUYS! (Cut to everyone on team TLOTA come walking in from the backroom and walk towards the couch.) Look I know I’ve been a little over stressed and working on fumes, but I promise if it looks like I’m about to go off the rails. I’ll back away. Okay? (Everyone else agrees and head on out and James thanks them for caring with a hug or a handshake before everyone else walks out the front door with John Santos being the last guy out the door before cutting to James sitting down on the couch as Linkara comes running in and onto the couch)

Linkara:
Okay, let’s shred “Man Of Steel” a new one

(James gives Linkara the evil eye before he runs off then fading to black then cut to James in his office as he is on a phone and pacing back and forth)

TLOTA:
Come on… Come ON! (Cut to Taylor Huff on the set of “Life As A Mermaid” as Taylor Huff answer Alex’s phone.)

Taylor Huff:
Hello? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Taylor, THANK THE LORD. Is Alex around? (Cut to Taylor)

Taylor Huff:
I don’t think she wants to hear from you right now. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Taylor, it’s important a friend of mine named Steve is probably there to make a mountain from a molehill! (Cut to Taylor)

Taylor Huff:
Whaddyamean? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Look Steve is an awesome guy, but he nearly got clocked in the head when he jiggled Doug Yaun in my Woody Woodpecker Review! (Cut to Taylor)

Taylor Huff:
So why is he coming here? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Remember when Alex stopped by my place last month? He somehow thinks he can fix a mess that he didn’t create! (Cut to Taylor)

Taylor Huff:
Well it does explain Alex’s new-found powers and abilities. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
What “New-found powers and abilities”? (Cut to Taylor as she has a flashback as the music and effect of a flashback are shown as it shows Julia Alexa Miller talking to a colony of seagulls then to a moment in which Julia Alexa Miller redirects a bolt of lightning from striking the set and then disperses the storm and finally moving a set piece which weighs about 100 lbs. while everyone looks in shock before cutting back to Taylor)

Taylor:
Let’s say it’s getting weirder on the set and we’re doing a series about a pair of mermaids in the human world, do the math James. (Chad Narducci walks in behind Taylor)

Chad:
You may want to get to the set, now!

Taylor:
Why?

Julia Alexa Miller (Audio only):
TAYLOR! YOU BETTER BE IN YOUR TAIL AND READY TO SHOOT RIGHT NOW! (The scene shakes as Julia Alexa Miller shouts “NOW!” as it cuts to James as he falls on his backside before cutting back to Taylor and Chad)

Taylor:
Gotta go! (Taylor flops out of frame as Chad picks up Alex’s phone)

Chad:
Hello? (Cut to James as he is on his backside)

TLOTA:
Chad, listen to me, a well-meaning friend by the name of Steve Kidd is on his way. Find a way to keep him away from Alex! Do what you must! (Cut to Cambell)

Chad:
“Do what you must!” Got it! (Julia Alexa Miller walks into frame as Chad drops the phone into Julia Alexa Miller’s hands) Oh hey there Alex, uh I’ve got things you asked me to do that you haven’t asked me, uh I GOT TO GO! (Chad runs for his life)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Hello (Cut to James as he stands up in surprise)

TLOTA:
Alex! Listen to me you might not remember what happened last month! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Oh I remember reading a letter from your Ex and next thing I know, I’ve got powers and memories and who knows what else is in my head and I’m trying to come to terms with that. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Oookay! So, you do remember. Listen I’m willing to give you the space to give you to come to terms with what’s going on. Right now, I need your help to stop a friend who means well to help us if there even is an us and he wants to mess with something that he shouldn’t. His name is Steve Kidd and the dude means well and if he comes near you, have as many people block him off the set and send him to take a break with my friend Chris. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Who? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Rowdy? (Sighs) Fine, the guy who worked in a rideshare business and mistook Flour for the other Columbian product outside of coffee produced there. Just wondering where Steve is now. (Cut to a small town as Steve Kidd sticks out like a sore thumb!)

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):
As I traverse this country on my way to California to help my friend, I always feel the best way to get to know the locals is to dress and eat like them! (Cut to Steve in a diner)

Steve Kidd:
Howdy Flo! (Chuckles to himself) tell me what’s the Soup Du Juor?

The waitress (Played by Renee Miller):
It’s the soup of the day!

Steve Kidd:
I’ll take that with the Hamburger meal!

The Waitress:
Anything else?

Steve Kidd:
Is this spelled in Habla español? A Sundae? (The Waitress walks away sighing before cutting to Steve walking around the small town.)

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):
But given the current state of everything, I felt it my obligation to keep everyone on their toes (An emergency siren blares)

Steve Kidd:
OH MY GOD THE NUKES ARE COMING! THE NUKES ARE COMING! RUN! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! (A chaotic riot happens as Steve continues to scream before quickly slamming to black)

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):
Yeah, I may have to claim temporary insanity to get my ass out of the sling I’m in!