How to successfully go from reviewers to "Producers" with very little effort Part 1

(Scene opens on a glorious overhead shot of Sullivan County before the camera pans up to see the words “The Last Of The Americans” in lights while an orchestral version of the opening overture to “The Producers” movie musical before cutting to the building that houses James’ studio as “Opening Night” Soundalike plays and a Chorus sings “Opening Act! Opening Act! It’s the Opening ACT!” before seeing a group of well dressed women played by Rebecca Yaun, Renee Miller, Brenda Fonseca and Olivia Horvath come stepping out of James’ Studio Front Door)

The group of well dressed women (Singing):

It’s the opening act of James’ review show. Will it flop? Or will it go? The cast’s been given their scripts and learning their lines, blocking and choreographing scenes and getting costumed on time. Here comes everyone now, the doors are open and they’re getting a drink, let’s hear what they have to think! (Everyone comes out.)

Everyone (Singing):

You’ve done it again! You’ve done it again. By the skin of your teeth you’ve done it again! We can’t believe it, you wouldn’t conceive it!

TLOTA (Singing):

How’d I achieve it?

Everyone (Singing):

IT’S THE CRAZIEST ONE OF THEM ALL!  We sat there weeping, laughing and crying! There’s no denying IT’S THE CRAZIEST ONE OF THEM ALL!

All the women (Singing):

Though you wanted to try to keep sane!

All the men (Singing):

But you’re nuts and sane is just lame!

Everyone (Singing):

James Faraci has done it again! The Book was cooked like a turkey the songs are on repeat. How crazy are you from the heat?

TLOTA:

That’s like asking what’s at the bottom of the Mariana’s Trench?

Everyone (singing):

You can feel the laughter!

The group of well dressed women (Singing):

Drowning in it like water!

Everyone (singing):

We know this cannot be? A musical review of a musical movie? That’s starring that crazy (Cut to the outside of James’ Office Door which ends the opening act) James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! WHAT A NUT! (Cut to James on the phone.)

TLOTA:

I wouldn’t ask for help mom if I wasn’t that desperate! No mom, I haven’t gotten the check yet. Yeah, okay, sent the check to… 324? MOM, I’M AT 326! Wait you tried to call who to send the check to me? Mom, Dr. Plotsz moved out a few months ago! At least you didn’t… OH mom tell me you didn’t’… You made the check out to “Cash”?! Great, for all I know the people in 324 have made off with the money and the next thing I‘ll hear is dad basically complaining that I have Stuff in the house again! Okay, I’ll ask whoever is in 324 and see if they’ll let me have the cash they took. I love you too, see you for dinner! Bye! (James slams the phone back on the receiver and shouts “DAMN IT!” then walking out of his studio but before he leaves he checks in on the team.)

TLOTA:

Hey guys, I’m sorry you haven’t gotten a paycheck, my mom sent the rent check to 324! (Cut to the team.)

Everyone (In unison):

GO!

Paulo Fonseca:

We know about the confusion.

Brenda Fonseca:

And against you telling us we picked up the slack.

Renee Miller:

Truth be told we nearly started an online crowdfunding campaign to keep the studio going but it would’ve been a hassle.

John Ross Santos:

Just go and get the money!

TLOTA:

Fine, I mean it’s not like the plot of both the original and musical version of “The Producers” (Cut to stills of both the original and the musical version as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And with all the crowdfunding sites, I’m surprised criminals haven’t done “Springtime For Hitler”-esque schemes. For those wondering “The Producers” is about a down and out Broadway Producer named Max Bialystock who teams up with a Public Accountant named Leo Bloom both find the worst show they could find in hopes to end their careers with money to escape the states to Rio where I think extradition of embezzlers to our Government ain’t gonna happen! But when their plan backfires and the show becomes a success well there is a difference between the original and the musical and the movie adaptation of said musical in how they react for the most part. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

I mean I’m not gonna wind up helping people who willingly took my mom’s money. That’d be wrong of me, unless I can be assured they’ll pay me back if they have taken the money or I take it from their still hurting bodies after I’m done with them! (James walks over to the office next to him and opens the outside door before being stopped by the inside door and he knocks before the door opens and the host comes face to face with James.)

Alex Tallycost (Played by Eric Kurtzke):

Hello, I’m Alex Tallycost, I take it you’re here to drop off a script for me to look at and make it a reality?

TLOTA:

Uh nooooooooooo, I’m your neighbor James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and you just so happen to have a check marked “Cash” from my mom!

Alex Tallycost:

Any money given to me is given willingly, how dare you condemn me without the facts.

TLOTA:

DUDE! I’M NOT CONDEMNING YOU! ALL I’M ASKING IS FOR THE ENVELOPE WITH MY NAME ON IT AND THE CHECK INSIDE.

Alex Tallycost:

Well then come in, all my mail is in my inbox Mr. Faraci is it?

TLOTA:

Call me James. My dad is Mr. Faraci (Cut to James as he enters and sees a pile of scripts, a man working on calculations.)

TLOTA:

Don’t mind me, I’m James. You are?

Theodore Flume (Played by Diego Torres Kuri):

I’m Theodore Flume and I’m trying to figure out how to make these figures work.

TLOTA:

Does the figures include the fiduciary responsibility to repay the backers? (Alex shouts “AH-HA!” as he walks to the two.)

Alex Tallycost:

Here’s the rub, they send me the money willingly and I only pay them back if the show is a hit but for the past few years, nothing but flops and now I need the rent.

TLOTA:

Welcome to my hell! Ah, here it is, my mom’s check. Well I think I’ve been here long enough. Good day and remember if you need anything except for money, I’m always willing to help.

Alex Tallycost & Theodore Flume (In Unison):

Thanks

TLOTA:

Anytime. (James shoves the check in his pants and starts to walk away.)

Theodore Flume (Audio only):

Amazing, under the circumstances, we made more money with our flop than they did with our last hit!

TLOTA:

Didn’t hear that, Uwe Boll fanatic! (Alex Tallycost grabs James by his rent check)

Alex Tallycost:

Yes you did and now you are a part of the plan.

TLOTA & Theodore Flume (In Unison):

Plan?! What plan?!

Alex Tallycost:

It’s simple. (Music soundalike to “We Can Do It!” plays in the foreground) Step one: We find the worst play or musical ever made, Step two: We call upon the worst director we know to direct it, Step Three: I go to my usual backers and we get three million dollars. One Million for me, One for Theodore and One for you James my boy, there’s quite a few old ladies out there! Step Four: We open on Broadway and faster than you can say Step Five: We close on Broadway, take the cash and go some tropical paradise where we cannot be extradited.

TLOTA:

You two can do whatever you want, JUST COUNT ME OUT!

Alex Tallycost:

Oh ye of little desire! 

Alex Tallycost (Singing):

What did Lewis say to Clark as they headed out Northwest? What did Thomas Edison do when he wasn’t trying to do his best? What did the troops who defended the Alamo do as they saw Santa Anna! You know don’t ya? 

TLOTA:

Yes!

Theodore Flume:

No, what did they say?

TLOTA:

Son of a…

Alex Tallycost (Singing):

We will succeed! We will succeed! We will succeed you and me! We will succeed! We will succeed! We shall have everything we need! All the things we’ve dreamed of is within our reach! Beautiful girls wearing so many pearls! Caressing you, addressing you, making you screech! (James grabs the check and shouts “Not with my mom’s money!” as he tries to head for the door and the three have a well-choreographed chase dance as James leaps through and out the studio with check in hand as James puts it in his outgoing mail slot just as Alex and Theo mere seconds after the check is sent out!) WE WILL SUCCEED! This is not the time to fear! We will succeed! It’s a reality! Say goodbye to average joe! Hi producer! Yes producer! We mean you sir, filled with quirk! We will succeed! We will succeed, and we’ll never ever have to work!

Theodore Flume:

I’m in!

Alex & Theo (In unison):

What about you?

TLOTA (Singing):

What do I say, finally a producer?

Alex & Theo (In Unison):

YES!

TLOTA (Singing):

What do I say, finally a chance to do a show, sir?

Alex & Theo (In Unison):

YES!

TLOTA (Singing):

What do I say? What do I say? Here’s what I say to you sirs!

Alex & Theo (In Unison):

YES!

TLOTA:

NO! 

Alex & Theo (In Unison):

NO?

TLOTA:

Yes, I am saying NO to the two of you! I just put the check my mom gave me to the slot to the Landlord. I have enough to deal with in my own studio! (Cut to Alex and Theo looking at each other as the “Unhappy/ I Wanna Be A Producer” soundalike plays before cutting to Team TLOTA in James’ Studio as they sigh OY! As they lug props and costumes)

Team TLOTA (Singing in harmony):

We’re crazy! We’re Crazy! Tooootally Crazy! We’re crazy! We’re Crazy! Totally, Totally, Totally, Totally Crazy! (Camera pans to James, Alex & Theo)

Alex Tallycost:

So, this is your studio. Filled with props and costumes

Theodore Flume:

You work here and so do your friends?

TLOTA:

Pretty much, Oh, by the by, Guys the rent is paid and just in case our guests have forgot (James joins in with Team TLOTA)

James & Team TLOTA (Singing in harmony):

We’re crazy! We’re Crazy! Totally, Totally, Totally, Totally Crazy (Cut to Alex and Theo)

Theodore Flume:

You know with all these props and costumes; you guys must be doing something like us. (Cut to James and Team TLOTA)

TLOTA:

Not really. (Singing): I spend my nights here watching movies, TV and such!

Team TLOTA (Singing):

We’re Crazy!

TLOTA (Singing):

To what is our yearly take home, the numbers aren’t much!

Team TLOTA (Singing):

We’re Crazy!

TLOTA (Singing):

But I’m in a good position, fulfills my creative soul and it takes people a while to know me in this ro-oo-le! (James grabs a fancy magicians’ hat and cane) I’m an internet reviewer, with a following on the net. I’m an internet reviewer, Studios sees me as a threat. I’m an internet reviewer, To Hollywood I’m a paa-i-n. I’m an internet reviewer and I can describe myself as insane (James taps the cane onto the door to the right and it glows a golden radiance and Alex and Theodore look before seeing the door open and a troupe of female chorus dancers sashay past the duo including the last one who looks like she’s been there for too long as they form a line behind James) I’m an Internet Reviewer and I sleep for an hour or two. I’m an internet reviewer and I make sketches with things that go Pew-Pew and of course (James tosses a grenade offscreen then cut to Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson as the grenade lands at his feet.)

Deadpool:

OH CANADA! (The grenade explodes leaving Deadpool hurt in a cartoonish way.) Kaboom (Deadpool drops as females go OOH before James slides the scene back to the line of female chorus dancers and James slides in)

TLOTA (Singing):

I’m an Internet Reviewer try to watch movies every niiiii-iiiight! (James leaps over Alex & Theo and the two turns over to see James at the main door) I’m an Internet Reviewer and you can see me James Faraci The Last Of The Americans on these sites! (James points down to http://www.manic-expression.com/ & https://jamesfaracitlota.blogspot.com/ then walks through the door and onto a Broadway stage that had James’ name and Title on Marquees as James and a troupe of Female Chorus Dancers as he dances with them before the biggest Marquee shows James’s Name and Title takes up the screen as James is in the center of the female Chorus Troupe as they dance up the backside of the marquee)

Female Chorus Dancers (Singing):

He’s an Internet Reviewer who gets knocked down on his ass! He’s an Internet Reviewer constantly strapped for cash. He’s an Internet Reviewer smacked around ‘till he cries…(Show James getting hit and crying in pain before the last in the Chorus Line knocks him on his ass and James cries “Ouch” and the Chorus continue to hurt him as they dance) He’s an Internet Reviewer who sleeps on a horseshoe couch!  (Show James as he gets his ass handed to him as the Female Chorus Dancers continue to kick his ass and dance at the same time.)

TLOTA (Singing):

I can be seen! (Cut to female chorus)

Female Chorus:

On Computer screens! (Cut to James)

TLOTA (Singing):

Or Smart TVs (Cut to female chorus)

Female Chorus:

Or anything (Cut to James)

TLOTA (Singing):

With an Internet connection out there in the WORLD! (James holds on the word “WORLD” as the female chorus sings “He has to deal with Happy Madison’s POOP!”) I’m an internet reviewer, watching good and bad movies until I Puke! 

Female Chorus (singing Audio only):

Watching movies till he pukes! 

TLOTA (Singing):

I’m an Internet Reviewer hitting Hollywood with every shot! I’m gonna knock ‘em down straight to the bottom! Stuff them all in one big coffin! I’m an Internet Reviewer! (James screams as he’s tossed off the stage then cut to James as he walks in the door to his studio, takes off his hat and puts his cane away) It’s what I’m good at whether people like it or not! (Team TLOTA sings “We’re Crazy! Very, very!” as James sings “I’m an internet reviewer” while walking away for two seconds while Alex and Theo have a conversation before they accost James)

Alex Tallycost:

Wait a second, James, turn around and look. All this stuff, the sketches, the songs, the effort you put into this. James, you are one of us, YOU ARE A PRODUCER! Look at me, if we do this together, we will make so much money you’ll never have to worry about rent. You can do more than reviews! TV Series, Movies, ANYTHING YOU WANT TO MAKE! Think about it!

TLOTA:

That does sound tempting.  Guys do you think we…

Team TLOTA (In Unison):

YES!

(Music sound-alike to “We Can Do it” Reprise”)

TLOTA:

Well it’s official. We’ll work together and…(Singing):

We will succeed! (Cut to everyone dancing, Team TLOTA singing “We’re going to be producers” as James sing “We Will Succeed! We shall expand our grasp! With my connections and your intentions”)

Alex Tallycost, Theodore Flume & TLOTA (Singing):

Up together we shall zoom! 

Everyone (Singing in unison):

We Will Succeed! We Will Succeed!

TLOTA (Singing):

Get ready to have things go KA-BOOOOM! 

Alex Tallycost, Theodore Flume & TLOTA (Singing in unison):

We are fated to be creative. We’re Faraci, Tallycost and Flume! (Everyone else cheers in musical jubilation then cutting to James and Team TLOTA looking over scripts.)

Paulo Fonseca:

So… is this part of the Producing process?

Olivia Horvath:

Yep, reading a lot of scripts is fifty five percent of the job as is going through a TON of material!

TLOTA:

And that’s nothing, I’ve got to make sure that the props and costumes will work within small venue stages properly, unless they have connections to Broadway, which something tells me they do. But how they kept those connections is surprising even after flops. (Cut to stills of The Producers as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And that is something I found implausible about Max Bialystock’s character. How after so many failed productions he still has connections unless he’s like the relationship of Brock Lesnar and The McMahons and has some dirty laundry hanging over them. But what I like about Max’s job is how accurate it is. Believe it or not writers submit a lot and Producers go through Forests filled with scripts just to get the ones they like and push ahead with the project. (Cut to James and the rest of Team TLOTA)

John Santos:

Kind of how WWE is doing things. Instead of listening to the fans and tell Lesnar to drop the strap and go the hell away. They’re letting him run roughshod and the fans suffer and that’s only on Raw on Smackdown It’s worse.

Mike Santos:

Well it is better than how they’re doing at that other company.

Ed Champion:

Hey James, how about this one? (Ed Hands James the Script he’s looking at.)

TLOTA:

A Musical that shows George Washington as an idiot and the American Revolutionaries as butthurt because 2+2 must equal IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN! PASS! I’m not looking for a Hamilton knockoff.

Nick Yaun:

Hey James, you got a meeting with the duo in about five minutes.

Rebecca Yaun:

Maybe they have a script more to your liking.

TLOTA:

Hope so. (James walks over to Tallycost and Flume’s office) So guys any progress?

Alex & Theo (In Unison):

Nope.

Alex Tallycost:

But it is hard given the restrictions you’ve put on us.

Theodore Flume:

I’ve been reading the same scripts since yesterday! This is maddening!

TLOTA:

FOR THE LOVE OF PEAT MOSS! WE HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING! A SCRIPT LIKE THE ONE WE NEED ISN’T GONNA FALL FROM THE SKY! (Cut to the top of the pile of scripts as it starts to shake and then land on the trio as they scream then cut to James’ Head, Alex and Theo’s head pop up!)

TLOTA:

I guess I could be wrong! (A script lands in the center of the three and Alex pulls his hand out of the pile to grab the scrpit)

Alex Tallycost:

Do you have some sort of ability to have something that someone find the one thing they want?

TLOTA:

I Wish, I just sent a message to my colleagues to get us out of the pile. (Cut to the three after they get out of the pile and Alex holding the script he saw.)

Alex Tallycost:

While we were getting out of that, I found this as the last script that landed. Do you see it?

TLOTA:

Yes.

Alex Tallycost:

Smell it (James looks confused as Theo smells it and then James puts his nose to smell it) Touch it! (James looks even more confused as he touches it as does Theo.) Kiss it! KISS IT!

TLOTA:

NO! And Theo if you kiss it, the next thing you’ll be kissing is my fist then the ground, Six feet of it!  Now What is that Script?

Alex Tallycost:

It’s the motherload! Read the title! (James grabs the script)

TLOTA:

“The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” “A gay romp in the middle east with Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden & The only American President Barack Obama” SERIOUSLY?!

Alex Tallycost:

It’s perfect!

TLOTA:

IT’S FRIGGIN GARBAGE! I’D RATHER BE PRODUCING THE HAMILTON KNOCK OFF THAT I REJECTED!

Alex Tallycost:

But it’s better and do you know why?

TLOTA:

I’m afraid to ask but why?

Alex Tallycost:

Because my dear James we’re halfway there with this script. Now all we have to do is get the rights from the writer. Theo, whose accredited as the writer?

Theodore Flume:

Hassan Bin Onsonar!

TLOTA:

That cannot be his real moniker! (Theodore shows the page that shows the name of the author of the play) Well, I’ll be damned, it is! So, you two deal with this Hassan Bin Onsonar and I’ll meet up with the director you have in mind. 

Theodore Flume:

Who did we have in mind?

Alex Tallycost:

She’s an old dear friend of mine, Rhonda Degree!

TLOTA:

Rhonda “Preview night closer” Degree?

Alex and Theo (In Shocked Unison):

You know her?

TLOTA:

Yeah, I know her, she was in 324 before you guys were here.

Alex Tallycost:

So you’re old friends then? 

TLOTA:

Well now I wouldn't say that.

Alex Tallycost:

Well we’ll see you at her place then since you know where she lives and let us not forget

TLOTA, Alex & Theo (Singing in unison):

We're gonna be the producers of our great big Broadway show! (Alex, Theo and James try to step out the door at the same time to only be comedically stuck in the doorway before James and Theo back up to let Alex out first, followed by Theo and then James as he closes the door, the scene cuts to a rooftop where an Middle Eastern Man played by Paulo Fonseca Is taking care of goats when Alex and Theo arrive.) 

Alex Tallycost:

Hassan Bin Onsonar? (Hassan turns to his pen in fear)

Hassan:

I am not a member of any terrorist organization! I served in the Middle East to protect the people! I had nothing to do with Saddam & Osama escaping the Americans for as long as they did! I lived on the borders of the Holy Land! Right next to Israel! All I heard was prayers! (Hassan makes the same praying noises he heard in Israel) Who are you? What do you want? My paperwork is in order tell Trump he can suck my…

Alex Tallycost:

Relax Mr. Bin Onsonar, We're not from the government, we’re producers. My name is Alex Tallycost and this Is my associate Mr. Theodore Flume, We're here about your show.

Hassan:

My show? You mean the summer of (Hassan looks around in fear for two seconds) them?

Alex Tallycost:

That's the one!

Hassan: 

What about it?

Alex Tallycost:

Me, my partner and our associate Mr. James Faraci, find it to be wonderful, magnificent, stupendous we're gonna put it on Broadway!

Hassan:

Broadway? OH, PRAISE BE TO ALLAH! I AM GOING TO BROADWAY! I MUST GO AND TELL THE GOATS! GOATS! GOATS DO YOU HEAR?! Oh, Abdul, Bashaarat, Dabir, Erol, Farhaan, Fard!  Barack, Osama & Saddam! Do you hear? We’re finally going to show the United States the reality! You know not many people knew this about Saddam and Osama, but they shared E-Mails about how great the Middle East is with Barack Obama and how they would’ve made all of us richer than Sultans.

Alex:

Gee, I never heard about…

Hassan:

THAT IS BECAUSE YOU WERE TAKEN IN BY THAT SATAN FOX NEWS! With their Journalistic integrity, their shows that allowed Women to speak and show more than their eyes and their rotten stories about how evil all my Middle Eastern Family and Friends are! ROTTEN! CNN and those other news networks are the real news. They can cover the same stories in one day! Two times!

Alex Tallycost:

Well, that’s why we’re here to send the message of the memories of Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden & Barack Obama that you know of, The Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden & Barack Obama that had a Prayer to Allah on the lips and a fatwah to the American Dream straight to Broadway. Sign! Sign on the dotted line and we’ll make your dream a reality. 

Hassan:

No, not until you do one thing!

Alex and Theo (In Unison):

What one thing? (Cut to James outside of the town house of Rhonda Degree)

TLOTA:

HE WANTS ME TO DO WHAT?! (Cut to Hassan, Alex and Theo)

Hassan:

YOU MUST TAKE THE OATH OF ALLAH! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:

I think I can help make things easier. DEADPOOL! (A Whistling sound is heard and then a crash as Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson walks over to James shakes off the Debris from his landing.)

Deadpool:

What do you want Cochise? (James whispers into Deadpool’s ear) Ooh, sounds like fun! (Deadpool walks out of frame to see James getting pushed to the left as the scene becomes split between James and Hassan and Alex and Theo) Okay James, if you need me for anything let me know.

TLOTA:

You got it! (James peeks over the Split screen) Okay, Now, this Oath of Allah, what must I do, say and wear.

Hassan:

You must wear this (Hassan gives James Traditions Muslim Kufi then gives it to Alex & Theo) Now Repeat after me. I swear on the Quran (James, Alex and Theo repeat) To obey the Oath of Allah! (James, Alex and Theo repeat) AND (James, Alex and Theo repeat) UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH! (James repeats questioningly as Alex and Theo say so without question) DISHONOR THE SPIRITS AND MEMORIES OF BARACK HUSSEIN MARY OBAMA, SADDAM ELIZABETH HUSSEIN AND OSAMA CATHERINE BIN LADEN! (James, Alex and Theo repeat until they say “Of” before James asks “Mary?”, Alex says “Elizabeth?” and Theo says “Catherine?”) Oh yeah, even fewer people knew that Barack, Saddam and Osama were descended from English royalty!

TLOTA:

Really?

Hassan:

Yes! 

TLOTA:

ALLRIGHTY THEN! (James, Alex and Theo say “Barack Hussein Mary Obama, Saddam Elizabeth Hussein and Osama Catherine Bin Laden”)

Hassan Bin Onsonar:

Excellent, now to sign on the dotted line and together we shall share the spoils of our Victory!

TLOTA:

Yeah, okay guys jump the split screen, Hassan, we’ll see you later when we begin pre-production and casting. Bye! (James shoves the portion of the split screen that has Hassan Bin Onsonar off as he says, “What nice American pigs!” and Hassan’s side crashes and James grabs Alex and Theo’s Kufis and James takes his kufi off and tosses them off screen!)

Theodore Flume:

Um, I must ask, how did ANY of this work?

TLOTA:

Through the magic of Mel Brooks! (Cut to clips of Mel Brooks’ movies and other works including the original version, The Broadway Production of and the Movie Musical version of “The Producers” as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And really that’s the best way to describe the movies Mel Brooks have directed, produced and either co-starring or starring in and I love them! He made one of the greatest sitcoms taking the air out of the spy genre with the series “Get Smart” to making us laugh at how white bread most westerns even though a lot of the Westerns I’ve seen are very diverse and they appear to treat people of different ethnicities with decency but that’s neither here nor there. What really surprised me is how many well revered earning an Emmy, Grammy and One Academy Award and Three Tony Awards for “The Producers”. He created his production company Brooksfilm and had David Lynch direct “The Elephant Man” and David Cronenberg direct a remake of “The Fly” and while the sequel for “The Fly” was not as successful it was entertaining. Then came the parodies of the late 1980’s-Early 1990’s. For many people they were a low point, to me I love “Spaceballs”, I love “Robin Hood: Men In Tights”, even Mel’s last directorial effort “Dracula: Dead & Loving It” was entertaining as he took the pomposity out of the overblown and overly long “Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula”. It’s just a shame he isn’t directing anymore but to know his movies are still here for our enjoyment is something that no one can take away! (Cut to James, Alex and Theo on the front porch of Rhonda Degree’s town house)

TLOTA:

At any rate, we’re just in time for our meeting with Rhonda. (James prepares to knock on the door as a man dressed in a black unitard played by Antoni Matteo Garcia as he says “Yes” and holds on the s for five seconds) Hi there, I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, these are my associates Mr. Alexander Tallycost and Theodore Flume we’re here to see Rhonda. (A man dressed in a black unitard looks over the three with his glasses before he addresses them)

Calvin Chia (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia):

My name is Calvin Chia, Miss Rhonda Degree’s personal associate and I must insist that you take off your shoes, your coats and hats. (Cut to James, Alex and Theo)

TLOTA:

Of course. (James takes his boots and a bird falls from the sky D.O.A before cutting to Calvin, James, Alex and Theo walking to the couch.)

Calvin Chia:

Have a seat, OH RHONDA! We’re not alone! (The three try to get comfortable) Heeeere’s Rhonda! (Rhonda Degree played by Circe Rae Mears enters with a mermaid top and a skirt made of Green Metallic grass and a tail covering her butt before cutting to James, Alex and Theo on the couch.)

TLOTA:

Rhonda! It’s been a dog’s age! (Cut to Rhonda)

Rhonda Degree:

Ah Messieurs Faraci, Tallycost and Flume! Oh! Forgive the pun! (James gets hit on the face with the tail as he sits there)

Theodore Flume:

What Pun?

Alex Tallycost:

Shut up, she thinks she’s witty! How delightful to see you again! (Cut to Rhonda and Calvin)

Rhonda Degree:

It has been forever, are you enjoying the space next to him? (Cut to James as he tries to pick himself up)

TLOTA:

Actually, I almost lost my studio because they had the other half of my rent money, now I’m here. Anyway, did you get the script we sent you?

Rhonda Degree:

Read it, loved it! And it was so informative, for instance did you know Iraq, Iran and Israel were in the Middle East?

Alex Tallycost:

Well, we all learn something new every day. (Rhonda puts her hand up)

Rhonda Degree:

Your friend is staring at my costume! Tonight, is the annual Costume Ball and I’m going as Ariel from The Little Mermaid (Rhonda turns and smacks James again) though I think I look more like Charlie The Tuna! 

Calvin Chia:

Well if you ask me without your wig you’re not fully dressed.

Rhonda Degree:

Well then get it, O Wicked Witch! (Calvin starts to cry)

Calvin Chia:

If your intent was to stab me through the heart…. BULLSEYE! (Cut to James as he gets up)

TLOTA:

Rhonda, trust me you do not look like Charlie The Tuna! I’ve seen some attractive mermaids and you rank right up there amongst them (Rhonda turns around and sends a lamp flying with her tail that bounces off the wall and hits James in the head shattering on impact)

Rhonda Degree:

Oh thank you for the compliment James. Now (Rhonda turns around and smacks James yet again and a soundalike to “Keep It Gay” starts) about me directing this I simply cannot, it is not my cup of tea! (James gets back up on his feet before getting smacked by Rhonda’s tail again)

Rhonda Degree (Singing):

All Theatre shows are obsessed with hammering messages so incensed, it’s hard to watch a show on Broadway!  Shows should be silly, they should have great stories, everyone must be… What’s the word? (Cut to James as he tries to get back up and says “Entertaining?” before cutting to Alex, Theo, Rhonda and Calvin as he holds the Ariel wig as Rhonda shouts “Yes!”)

Rhonda Degree (Singing):

No matter what you hear on the news, leave it be, dance and sing, entertain! If it doesn’t affect your day, don’t complain, it’s a pain, entertaaain!  (Rhonda turns to Calvin and James get smacked in the head again)

Calvin Chia (Singing):

People don’t need the news everywhere that they go. The only thing people need is a laugh or two or so!

Rhonda and Calvin (Singing in harmony):

A happy story will hold anger at bay!

Rhonda:

Hamilton wouldn’t be a bore

Calvin Chia (Singing):

If the show was about the real Revolutionary War!

Rhonda (Singing):

Entertain!

Calvin (Singing):

Entertain!

Rhonda and Calvin (Singing in harmony):

Entertaaain!

Alex:

Couldn’t disagree with you and you have our blessing to make “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” as entertaining as you want to.

Rhonda:

Oh thank you Alex, but I feel I cannot do it any justice. Still with all things being fair, maybe I should ask my production team! (Rhonda turns around and James gets smacked in the face and knocked down again by Rhonda’s tail!) HEY EVERYONE, COME AND MEET FARACI, TALLYCOST AND FLUME! Behold my set designer, Brenda! (Brenda played by Ariel Mears makes it down the spiral stairs)

Brenda (Singing):

Make it loud, make it bright! ENTERTAAAAIN!

Rhonda (Off-Screen):

My Costume maker, Zelda (Zelda played by Olivia Horvath comes down the spiral stairs)

Zelda (Singing):

Hello, make it pretty, make it Glittery, Entertain!

Brenda and Zelda (Singing in harmony as James tries to get back up on his feet):

We’re intelligent, incredible it’s our job to see that everything is just right for Rhonda Degree!

Rhonda:

My choreographer, Bruce (Cut to the spiral staircase as Bruce played by Alberto Rodriguez says, “Hi there!” slides down the bannister clocking James in the jaw then hitting James with every kick in his dance routine knocking James down)

Rhonda:

Finally my lighting designer, Caitlyn. (Cut to a VERY HIDEOUS woman played in drag by Cambell Dodson)

Caitlyn (Singing):

Entertain! Entertain! Entertain! (Caitlyn walks away before cutting to James down on the ground again)

TLOTA:

Okay, I think I have a concussion, just let me lay down here and die. I’m done! Can’t take any… (Rhonda’s left foot lands on James’ right hand and he screams in pain.)

Rhonda:

And they’ve just read “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” and they have thoughts.

Brenda (Singing):

It needs power!

Zelda (Singing):

It needs Zip!

Bruce (Singing):

It needs love!

Caitlyn (Singing):

It need a trip! (Cut to James as he tries once again to get up and leans on the bannister and makes it to Alex and Theo)

Alex:

We’re losing her, we need someone to…

TLOTA:

Theo! You’re going in!

Theodore Flume:

WHAT? (Cut to Calvin and the Creative Team)

Calvin Chia (Singing):

And so the rule is when you’re in a play!

Calvin and the Creative Team (Singing in unison):

Keep it light, keep it bright, Entertaaain! (Cut to James and Theo)

TLOTA:

Theo, in case you haven’t noticed, I look like I’ve been going fifteen rounds with Muhammad Ali in his prime and I’m losing! You’re going in and taking a few shots.

Theo:

Yeah, but… (James shoves Theo onto Rhonda) Hello there Rhonda. I must say you look rather fetching.

Rhonda:

Why thank you. Say have you ever been on a single’s cruise?

Theo:

No, not recently.

Rhonda:

Oh, well… what is that enchanting musk?

Theo:

Fear/Flop sweat?

Rhonda:

Hmm, if I could bottle your Fear/Flop sweat, I’d have you all over me! (Theo slowly but surely backs up to James and Alex.)

Theo:

Alex, you’re going in!

Alex:

Fine, leave it to me to clean up the mess you two made.

TLOTA:

Does that include the blood that’s been gushing out of me?

Alex:

Rhonda! I truly believe that “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” would be a fantastic opportunity for you. You’ve been associated with dare I say Frivolous Musicals.

Rhonda:

You’re right! I feel as if I’ve been wasting my life on dopey showgirls and gooey gowns make anyone heave their cookies. But still I simply cannot!

Alex:

But think of the respect, the prestige! Think of THE TONY! (Cut to Calvin and the Creative staff sing “Tony” five times before cutting to Rhonda as she appears to have a seizure and James gets another smack from Rhonda’s tail as Alex and Theo grab her.)

Theo:

Is she alright? (Cut to Calvin as he walks up to them)

Calvin Chia:

She’s having a stroke!

TLOTA, Alex and Theo (In unified fear, Audio only):

WHAT?!

Calvin Chia:

OF BRILLIANCE!

Rhonda:

I see it now! Finally, a chance to do something of IMPORTANCE! (Rhonda turns around just as James tries to get back up and she smacks James down)

Calvin Chia (Singing):

Rhonda Degree presents the true story!

Rhonda:

But that third act needs to be re-written the American Soldiers are winning and of course Trump becoming President? Cannot Happen!

Calvin Chia (Singing):

Rhonda Degree presents the true story!

Rhonda:

I see it! (James tries to get back up again as Rhonda repeats “I see it!” turns and hits James in the back of the head with her tail)

Rhonda (Singing):

I see a line of girls dressed in proper Arab Female attire each one a gem! (Rhonda turns and smacks James again with her tail) With Saracen swords and whips on men’s hips it’s risqué, dare I say S&M (Rhonda turns smacking James again with her tail as the Creative staff shout “Love it!”) And Isis soldiers dancing through the Sudan played by Chorus boys in very tight pants and wait there’s more (Rhonda turns and smacks James again with her tail) THEY WIN THE WAR AND THE DANCES THEY DO WILL BE EVER SO NEW (Rhonda says the movements as James is constantly slapped back and forth by Rhonda’s Tail and collapses after the final movement she wants) Make it Sassy! Make it Classy! ENTERtaai!

Alex:

THAT IS BRILLIANT! THAT IS BRILLIANT! I SPEAK ON BEHALF OF MYSELF, MR. FARACI AND MR. FLUME WHEN I SAY THAT YOU RHONDA ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO JUSTICE TO “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack”! WILL YOU DO IT? Please!

Theo:

Please!

TLOTA:

Please call an ambulance!

Rhonda:

Now wait a moment! This is a monumental decision! Something that can change the course of careers! You must give me a moment! I’ll do it! (Singing): I’ll do IT! (Speaking) ABU, CHAMPAGNE! (Rhonda laughs before cutting to an elaborate dance number as everyone from the Creative team and every positive LGTBQ stereotype come in to flood the room as James stands up and gets smacked around during the dance number)

Everyone except James, Alex and Theo (Singing):

IF I WERE YOU AND YOU WANT A GOOD CHEER, ENTERTAIN! ENTERTAIN! ENTERTAIN! WHETHER IT’S MAMET OR SHAKESPEARE, ENTERTAIN! ENTERTAIN! ENTERTAAIN!

Calvin Chia (Singing):

Comedy & joy is the best delight! News and Dramas bore us and Ruin the night!

Everyone except James, Alex and Theo (Singing):

So keep the Times and Strindbergs at Bay!

Rhonda (Singing):

I’ll Sign!

Calvin (Singing):

Sign! 

Creative Team (Singing):

SIGN!

TLOTA, Alex and Theo:

SIGN!

Rhonda:

Rhonda Mary Elizabeth Catherine Degree!

Everyone except James, Alex and Theo (Singing):

ENTERTAAIN!

TLOTA (Slightly out of it):

YO ADRIAN! I DID IT! (James lands on Abu as Conga music begins to play!)

Calvin Chia:

CONGA! (James says “huh?”  then screams before a conga line is made and James’ watch is caught on Abu’s necklace and everyone save for James, Alex and Theo sing “And so the rule is when acting in a play! Entertain! Entertain! Entertain! As the Conga line reaches Abu and James as he’s being dragged along James shouts “HOW THE HELL DID I GET INTO THIS MESS?!” before fading to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black)

To Be Concluded in Part 2

How to successfully go from reviewers to "Producers" with very little effort Part 2

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in a Physical Therapy Tub and groaning before a knock on the door)

TLOTA:

If it’s the two who dragged my now very concussed head and ass into the mess that not even an hour long DDP Yoga course could help alleviate the pain I’m in, you can go to… (James turns to see his lawyer Eric Adler played by James Daniel Walsh at the doorway) Oh Eric, Sorry, it’s been a couple of days and I’m still hurting from what Rhonda and her associates did and NO I’m not pressing charges! (Cut to the door as Eric Adler walks in)

Eric Adler:

Actually, I did some research on your new associates like you asked me to do James. (James opens the files and mutters.)

TLOTA:

Wow! Okay, I’m going to get dressed and meet up with my “Partners” and see where they plan on going! Because something tells me in the days to come, I’ll be so busy I might not see you, so if you see something with my face on a crowdfunding page, ready anything you can to sweep up the higher tiers, I’ll… (Cut to Eric Adler as James hands the files back to Eric Adler)

Eric Adler:

If this works, don’t worry about paying me back. (Cut to James as he puts on his Long sleeve American Flag shirt.)

TLOTA:

And make sure everyone else is ready to be in on this as well. Because if we’re going to take them down, we better make sure to keep things legally on the up and up. Besides with how they do what they’re doing, I’m surprised no one bothered to take them down from the inside. (Cut to images of Leo Bloom from both the original Mel Brooks movie and the musical movie remake as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And here is a problem I have with both movies Leopold Bloom, he knows his partner is bent and if everything went south, Max would’ve left Leo holding the bag. That fight over the cooked books towards the end meant that either Leo or Max and in the case of the two of them were heading for serious time in prison with the possibility of federal fraud thus putting them away for the rest of their lives! So why not have Leo teach Max fiscal responsibility or better yet have Leo work on taking Max down. It would’ve made Leo a more likable character and not a toady to a slime ball like Max Bialystock but even though Max liked Leo enough to treat Leo like an equal enough to call him Leo, I feel, me personally Leo was a patsy and instead of showing the spine to put Max away, he was lured into doing Max Bialystock’s bidding but when no one not even your parents called you by your given name, you’ll do anything someone else wants. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

Now something tells me, I’m about to go further into something I may regret later! (Cut to James as he walks into Tallycost and Flume’s office)

TLOTA:

Okay folks, now the time has come to… (Door knocks) to… (Door knocks again as it cuts to Alex and Theo)

Alex:

It’s probably one of the backers, I had planned to meet with. Come in! (Cut to James as he into the studio and a dramatic musical sting plays as a female played by Maria Feist speaking in broken English saying “Faraci”, “Tallycost”, “Flume” then saying, “Hope you have a nice day” in Portuguese as James says “Huh?” before the female continues on translated as “I hope I’m not too early! I’m here for an audition” then proceeding to say in broken English “Portuguese” and “Casting” as the others try to understand her.)

TLOTA:

Guys, I think she’s here for an audition. 

Alex and Theo (In Unison):

OH CASTING! Now we get it.

TLOTA:

Can I see identification. (James takes the purse and then he shows her visa card and the three shout out “YOWZA!”)

Alex:

Listen, we haven’t gotten everything ready and until the show takes off, we would like to hire you as a secretary and receptionist here and would it be okay if we just call you Alma.

Alma (In Broken English):

That would be amazing and yes you may call me Alma. I can start today! (Alma says “Hope you have a nice day” in Portuguese and James, Alex and Theo were trying to repeat and wind up misspeaking themselves.) God Bless America! (Alma walks out)

Alex:

God Bless Portugal

Theo:

Oh my, in that instant she walked in I felt something I’ve never felt in my life.

TLOTA:

You’re in love, welcome to humanity!

Alex:

And let me be the first to welcome you there, but now onto the business of making the money for the show. (Alex snaps and a cabinet of photos featuring many an old lady opens behind James) Voila, all the backers we need.

TLOTA:

Wait a second, I know most of these women, I meet them at the Supermarket when I shop for food, two of them happen to be women I disowned after my grandmother’s funeral over nine years ago! No! No! No! We are NOT going to them in the next few days to come, we shall see more of each other than ever. For we are to dive head first into Crowdfunding land! (James snaps his fingers closing the cabinet and “Along Came Bialy” soundalike play)

TLOTA (Singing): 

The tiiime has come to become aware of the world online! To bring in lucre without being in slime. To know of crowdfunding and succeeding in record tiiime! (James opens a laptop and sets up a page on a crowdfunding site) It’s time for you! To learn some new Voodoo! And show you what the internet can do! Or you can wind up cleaning poop! (Cut to different people ranging from Antoni Matteo Garcia to Rowdy and so many in the online community including, DukeCT, The Media Wiz and Steve Kidd who is currently out of jail after pleading “Insanity” on his smart phone and finding a link to a crowdfunding page before cutting to a video with Alex Tallycost, Theodore Flume and James)

Alex Tallycost (Singing):

I’m a producer with a new show and I need some money! It’s for Broadway this is the only way and I need your money! Be our angels not our devils and please let us have our show! (Cut to James as he plays a few notes on the Piano before returning to Alex) And if you win this contest, you’ll have the best. A VIP Experience and all you have to do is send us the most dough! It’s romantic and so emphatic that you’ll scream it to the heavens above! All we need is just this money and help celebrate LOVE! (Show everyone sharing and hitting the amount they want before cutting to the parking lot outside of the shared lot Of James, Alex and Theo as a squad of Mail men come and shout “Delivery for Alex Tallycost!” then do a well-choreographed dance number as they unload the checks.)  LOOK AT ALL THE DOUGH! (Cut to Todd In The Shadows playing the Piano version of the song being played)

Todd In The Shadows (Singing):

They’ve got a new show and they needed help and I donated money! (Cut to a chorus of internet personalities including Brian Zane, Rowdy, Nash Bozard, Linkara, ETC)

First Chorus of Internet Personalities (Singing):

They were desperate, they were hopeless, and we donated money! (Cut to A continually Bigger chorus of Internet personalities getting bigger)

A continually Bigger Chorus of Internet Personalities (Singing):

It was Tragic, they were manic! Then their prayers were heard from a-bove!  Thanks to Faraci! Our friend Faraci! He’s a culmination! A revelation! A Man of a nation! A totalization! A CELEBRATION OF LIFE! (Cut to images of checks and cash flying every which way as James, Alex, Theo and Alma grabbing the cash and checks from every direction before looking at the page as it shows it raised Six Million Dollars!)

Alex Tallycost:

HO MY GOD! WE’VE RAISED MORE THAN I PLANNED!

Theodore Bloom:

Now what do we do?

TLOTA:

We take the show to Broadway and hope for the best! (James snaps his fingers as it jump cuts to The four of them in Time Square sees advertising for “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” everywhere as a sound-alike to “Springtime For Hitler” plays in the foreground as the four walk out to the theater where “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” is going to be played as The Marquee lights up with “Coming Soon in 2 Weeks: The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” and the four shouting “WE CAN’T MISS!” as the four embrace each other and then cut to a day later in James’ studio)

Paulo Fonseca:

Can you believe that they’re opening in two weeks?

Brenda Fonseca:

Ay Papi, well they’re auditioning and beginning rehearsals Monday, previewing it a week before they premiere it!

Nick Yaun:

I just can’t believe that we have to sacrifice some of the props for this show.

Rebecca Yaun:

Haven’t we done enough?

Renee Miller:

Well if James’ plan works, he’ll pay us back, if it doesn’t he’ll be heading back home and into a level of hell even Dante looked at and said, “OH HELL NO!”

Mike Santos:

Still he has given us plausible deniability so that even if he were to land in the hoosegow, we’d be protected.

John Santos:

But what’ll happen to the Studio and us? Did he think about that?

Olivia Horvath:

He has it covered. I get the Studio.

Ed Champion:

Meanwhile one of us must pay for a storage locker to house the rest of the stuff.

Andrew Beach:

Can we hope that James knows what he’s doing? Okay the ads for the auditions for the show isn’t much in the way of a confidence builder. (Show ad saying, “Auditions for Actors to play Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden in “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” No experience needed” before cutting to a stage full of People dressed as Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden as Calvin Chia yells “ORDER! ORDER! WE MUST HAVE ORDER! SHUT UP!”)

Rhonda Degree:

Today we are seeing singing Saddams and Osamas! Calvin! Call the first pair! 

Calvin Chia:

Yes dar… Rhonda! (Cut to James, Alex and Theo as Alma serve them drinks)

Alma:

Is this normal?

TLOTA:

Oh yeah Alma absolutely because with the wrong casting everything would go to hell in a basket. (Cut to clips of the cast from both versions of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And to be honest it’s a rare moment when both the original and the remake have hit casts that knocks it out of the Park. But that’s what happened. In the original we have Broadway legend Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Christopher Hewitt, Dick Shawn and Kenneth Mars and they were freaking amazing. The Musical remake had Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, Will Ferrell, Gary Beach, Roger Bart, Jon Lovitz, Michael McKean and David Huddleston just to name a few names. But the biggest difference is in the character of Ulla. In the original Ulla played by Lee Meredith was a throw away character and basically Window Dressing. In the musical movie remake Uma Thurman helped give Ulla depth, dimension, legs, one hell of a voice and of course character! Uma gave Ulla more in one song than every dancing gyration Lee did.

Hassan (Audio only):

STOP! (Cut to the stage as Calvin and Rhonda and a group of Saddams and Osamas are shocked)

Hassan:

STOP! STOP! NO! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS. OKAY Yes, you are going to be an amazing Saddam Hussein! But you! YOU ARE A LITTLE MOTHER’S BABY! OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS BUTCH! And that is not how you sing (Speaking in Arabic “Have you ever heard the Arabic band?) THIS IS HOW YOU SING (Speaking in Arabic “Have you ever heard the Arabic band?” then saying in Arabic “B-Flat, Two-Two Time Modulate on the Bridge” then “Have you ever heard the German Band?” sound alike played on Arabic Musical Instruments before Hassan Bin Onsonar sings in Arabic “Have you ever heard The Arabic Band? With the bang and the boom? With the big bang and big boom? Oh, Have you ever heard the Arabic Band? With the bang and the boom? With the big bang and big boom? American Rock and Roll and Mexican Salsa can’t compare with music blessed by Allah I’m singing Have you ever heard the Arabic baaand? They have Strength! They have pop! They can SIIING! Western Country IT’S JUST PLAIN AWFUL!”) (Cut to James mouthing NO! as Alex and Theo look intensively)

Hassan (Audio only): 

(Arabic translation saying, “It has not meaning if it doesn’t have the Arabic…) (Cut to Hassan physically as he speaks Arabic ending with the word Halal before shouting in Arabic “KEY CHANGE!” then returning to singing in Arabic “I’m singing Have you ever heard the Arabic baaand? They have Strength! They have pop! They can SIIING! It’s the only kind of music that our Shahs and our Shakirs love to SIIING!” before cutting to James, Alex and Theo)

Alex:

THAT’S OUR OSAMA! (Cut to James as the music ends and he slams the door to his studio walks over the horseshoe couch and buries his head then screams as loudly as he can as Paulo and Brenda Fonseca walk in through the backdoor)

Paulo Fonseca:

James?

Brenda Fonseca:

You okay? (Cut to James as he pulls his head out of the couch)

TLOTA:

Alex just hired the writer to be Osama Bin Laden! One guy I knew from “Life As A Mermaid” to be Barack Obama and someone who is Hispanic and to be Saddam Hussein! Days like this make me want to scream to the high heavens at the top of the Catskills and it’s not that far away from here!

Brenda Fonseca:

Look James, there are going to be tough days to come, you’ve been through a lot and we all worry that you might not get through it. But you make it through and come out the better. (“’Till Him” soundalike plays in the foreground)

Paulo Fonseca:

It’s the fact you bring us along and we somehow find something to better ourselves through our adventures.

Brenda Fonseca (Singing):

No one ever put us go through so much ‘till you! 

Paulo Fonseca (Singing):

No one ever made us strong or such ‘till you! (Cut to Rebecca and Nick Yaun as they join in after coming through the back door)

Paulo, Brenda, Rebecca and Nick (Singing in harmony):

Our lives bordered on the boring always normal. Never had a trip. Then you came back in our lives then everything started to skip! (Cut to John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke and Renee Miller as they come in through the secondary hallway intro and join Paulo, Brenda, Nick and Rebecca)

John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke and Renee (Singing in Harmony):

No one made us feel special, till you! (Cut to Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach coming in through James’ mail room)

Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach (Singing in harmony):

We were stuck in a dry spell, till youuuu! (Cut to the entire Team TLOTA)

Team TLOTA (Singing):

You raise our quiet lives, right through the roof! There can only be one James Faraci and it’s you! (Cut to James sitting on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

Guys, I’ve put you through hell and yet you’ve stood by me. I’m grateful, I truly am. No one has done this much with me (Singing): till you!  (Cut to Team TLOTA as they sing “Oooh!” before cutting to James as he stands up on his feet)

TLOTA (Singing):

So many people thought I was screwy, not you! (Cut to Team TLOTA as they sing “Oooh!” before cutting to James) All my life was tepid, having thought I’d blown all my luck on bad chance. Then you put your faith in me and now we’re be on top at last! (Cut to Team TLOTA as they “Aaah!” as high as they can go before screaming and coughing and James running over to take care of them)

TLOTA:

Oh, sorry guys, didn’t mean to push you that hard. (Team TLOTA say in their own way that they’re fine as they take a slug of water)

TLOTA:

Any way the point is…(Singing): Would not be anywhere near where I am, without you! Glad to have my friends besides me, That’s Youuu! (James joins Team TLOTA)

TLOTA & Team TLOTA (Singing):

We stand side by side through the thick and thin!

TLOTA (Singing):

And when we are together….

TLOTA & Team TLOTA (Singing):

Weeeee Wiiiiiiiiin!

ORAC (Audio only):

Alert! Alex and Theo are attempting contact!

TLOTA:

Put it on the lobby TV! (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)

Alex:

James, we’ve got trouble! (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

What’s up? (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)

Alex:

Well unfortunately, the theater owner is going ahead without a second week of Previews meaning Opening Night is Friday! What are we gonna do? (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

Push through and hope for the best. (Cut to clips of when things go wrong in both versions “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

While yes Bialystock and Bloom were in immediate danger, they hadn’t thought maybe they can work things to their advantage. Did they have to pay the backers immediately or could they have waited until the show ended then paid off the backers. Did they have to pay the Gross or Net box office returns? They thought they had screwed themselves up bigtime when the truth is, had they waited it out everything would’ve balanced itself out. While yes desperate times called for desperate measures. I think killing the cast and or blowing the theater sky high is overkill. I mean yeah in the end in both versions neither got the hint that had they waited things might’ve turned out okay, but I guess when there is no clear definition of right and wrong the anti-heroes and yes Bialystock, Bloom and to a certain extent Franz Liebkind were not the heroes of “The Producers”. It’s a very rare thing to see in a comedy. (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

We will work through everything and by Friday we will be ready to open! (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)

Alex:

I hope you’re right because if we fail, we’re taking you with us! (The tv shuts off as it cuts to James and his team on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

So we’ve got work to do! (Everyone gets up as it cuts to that Friday and outside the Theater with the title “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” as a limo pulls up to the front to see James and Team TLOTA dressed in their finest on the red carpet as they all greet patrons and press members while Alex and Theo stand on the red carpet nervously.)

Alex:

You know with how little prepared we are, I’m hoping that things work out our way!

Theo:

Look at James, it’s like he’s been doing this all his life!

Alma (Audio only):

Tallycost? Flume?

Alex and Theo (in unison):

Yes. (Alma steps into frame dressed very lovely)

Alma:

First off Theo, your Bow Tie is askew. Secondly, there is someone who wishes to see James, she bid the highest in the crowdfunding and part of the reward is to get to meet one producer of their choice and she chose James!

Alex and Theo (in unison):

Okay. (Alex, Alma and Theo walk away as it cuts to Hassan coming to the red carpet on a Camel and glad to be there as Rhonda and Calvin come to the Red carpet looking like stars.)

Rhonda Degree:

Oh Calvin I can feel it all over me, it is the sensation of success.

Calvin Chia:

Oh I know what you mean! It’s like we’ve made art and everyone is gonna outbid themselves into bankruptcy just to buy into it! (Cut to James as he takes photos, shake hands and talks to the press as Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines come up behind James)

TLOTA:

Eliza! Traci! So glad you could make it!

Eliza Dushku:

We wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Traci Hines:

Besides, the other members invited us!

TLOTA:

Super, I’ll thank them after the show! Hope you guys will enjoy “The Summer of Saddam, Osama and Barack”! Tell everyone on social media to check the show out! (A voice from James’ distant past calls to James as 1:50-3:24 of “Clara” from season 7 of Doctor Who plays and he turns and has a look that turns from happiness to shock before James smiles sadly) Hi. (Cut to Alex, Alma, Theo and Lea Michele on the red carpet as James and Lea embrace before cutting to Olivia Horvath talking to the press as it cuts to James and Lea hugging before cutting back to see a concerned Olivia Horvath)

Olivia Horvath:

Hey Guys, I’m going to check if is James okay.

Others (Off-screen):

Okay! (Cut to James and Lea as they end a hug and Lea Michele walks into the theater and passes Olivia Horvath who touches her and sees inside her head the conversation before running to James)

Olivia Horvath:

James, are you okay?

TLOTA (Maudlin sounding):

I’m fine.

Olivia Horvath:

What did she say?

TLOTA (Maudlin sounding):

Break A Leg. (Sounds of crashing and smashing shakes James out of the Maudlin State he’s in as everyone goes to the back entrance)

Alex:

Hassan! Are You Alright?! What happened?

Hassan (Off-Screen):

I BROKE MY LEG! (Everyone walks away as Alex shuts the door)

Alex:

Now what do we do? 

TLOTA:

I’ve got an idea, Paulo, you sort of look like Hassan…

Paulo Fonseca:

Ten seconds ahead of you. I know the lines, Calvin, Rhonda follow me.

Rhonda:

Here’s hoping you know what you’re doing! (Paulo, Rhonda, Calvin and Alma run for the backstage door as the overture plays)

TLOTA:

THE OVERTURE! LET’S GET INSIDE! (Everyone except for Alex and Theo run off screen)

Theo:

Alex, THIS IS IT! (The two run off screen as it cuts to a Red Curtains and a Middle-Eastern musical band playing a soundalike to “Springtime For Hitler”)

A Chorus (Singing):

The Middle East was in turmoil; the U.S. was invading! Needed some heroes to send them down a spiral never ending! Where, oh Where were they? Where could those men lay? We asked Allah and he told a Shah the men who’d destroy the American monstrosity! (The Chorus dissipates as it shows a Taliban soldier played by John Ross Santos)

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

AND NOW IT’S THE… SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! THE U.S. WILL DIE IN AGONY! WE’RE MARCHING TOWARDS IT’S DESTINY! LOOK OUT WE’LL WIPE OUT WASHINGTON D.C.! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! EGYPT IS A NICE TRIP ONCE MORE! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! WATCH OUT AMERICA, WE’LL BOMB YA FOR SURE! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK!

Chorus (Singing):

LOOK IT’S SUM-MER!

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

A FATWAH ALL OVER THE U.S.!  THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! 

Chorus (Singing):

Summer! Summer! It’s summer!

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

COME ON SOLDIERS! ALLAH ALLOWS US THIS DANCE (A Dance number begins as a spotlight goes over to another Taliban soldier)

Taliban Soldier #2:

I was born in Yemen! That is why I’m called Durriken!  (The Dance Number continues as the spotlight goes to a third Soldier voiced by Chris Lee Moore)

Taliban Soldier #3:

Don’t be an infidel be a smarty, serve for life the Isis party! (Cut to James and John Santos as the dance number continues off screen)

TLOTA (in hushed tones):

Wow, either we as a collective country are getting dumber or they’re getting something I’m missing.

John Ross Santos (In hushed tones):

Whaddyamean?! (Cut to the audience as they sit there)

TLOTA (Audio only in hushed tones):

They’re sitting there! By all accounts they should be leaving the show in disgust by the droves! (Cut to James and John)

TLOTA (In hushed tones):

I mean, that was Bialystock and Bloom’s plan and it went south for them and I think it’s my other associates plans as well. (Cut back to the stage as another Muslim and Alma comes out and Alma says, “My husband allows me to say that our heroes are coming!” as the first three Taliban soldiers say, “Praise Allah!” before the three say “Praise Allah” in unison!)

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! (The image of the three split in half as The Actors who play the three Saddam, Osama and Barack arise as the crowd on the stage shout “Allah’s Praise be to you” as the three take a funny step forward as the three on stage start to slap each other silly ala The Three Stooges and the audience starts to laugh as they argue who deserves Allah’s Praise before cutting to after the show ends at James’ Studio door as Rhonda, Calvin, Team TLOTA and James are still laughing)

TLOTA (Laughing while talking):

OH Paulo, you were an amazing Osama, I couldn’t believe it how hilarious you were. (The laughing continues as it cuts to Rhonda and Calvin who is crying from laughing so hard her makeup is smearing)

Calvin Chia:

OH GOD, THE LAUGHS WILL ECHO THROUGHOUT THE GREAT WHITE WAY FOREVER!

Rhonda Degree:

IT’S THE FIRST BIG HIT OF MY CAREER AND I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S BECAUSE WE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT OR IF IT WAS KISMET BUT WE’RE THE TALK OF BROADWAY! (Laughing ceases as a thud from next door is heard.)

TLOTA:

I’ll go check it out! (James goes next door to see Alex Tallycost And Theodore Flume wrestling over the Accounting books and the duo screaming at each other to give them the books.)

TLOTA:

Well this is something I never thought I'd see today (Alex knocks Theo out and turns to James)

Alex:

We’re Ruined you son of a…

TLOTA:

Dude take it easy, it's not like… (The Door Behind James is shattered as Hassan Bin Onsonar, packing ammo and a bomb comes in to kill.)

Hassan: 

You have broken the Oath of Allah; you infidels must die! You all must die! (James, Alex and Theo scream and run around the office as Hassan Ululates and Rhonda and Calvin run to see the chaos.)

Rhonda:

What are you doing you Middle Eastern moron? The show is a hit!

Hassan:

Silence female scum! You have made a fool out of Saddam, Osama and Barack!

Rhonda & Calvin (In Unison):

They didn't need our help! (Hassan pulls out a gun as Rhonda and Calvin scream and Hassan Ululates as James pulls out the Sonic screwdriver before it is shot out of his hand)

Hassan:

Ah! there you are Mr. The Last Of The Americans, Tallycost and Flume! Pray for absolution!

Alex:

You know something? I think we're in too deep!

Theo & TLOTA (In Unison):

YA THINK? 

Hassan:

Die American infidels!

TLOTA:

Hold it there, spinach chin, don't you see what you have done you have created social satire done right! (Hassan has a confused look on his face as it cuts to other displays of Social Satire as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And when you do it right you let people know that they’re in on the joke is well. And honestly social satire has been kind of well done wrong as of late look at some of the recent episodes of South Park look at some of the movies that we've had to endure look at how TV basically mocks everything that's happening out there and basically says you're an idiot because we allowed 2 + 2 to try to equal 4 Instead of IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN. We need that now we need good social satire. South Park, The Daily Show, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee that is bad social satire because it basically insults everything because it's not their way they cry and they're not making jokes they are making it sound as if every second the world will end because it's not how they wanted it to be but I am reminded of a friend who said that bad art is a distraction good art elevates you and you my associate, have elevated social satire to the levels of where you are with Mel Brooks and his first foray into social satire in “The Producers” now I know that's exactly that's not something you want to hear right now but believe it or not if you're up there with Mel Brooks that's a good thing because outside of parody, social satire was his bread and butter in terms of his comedy. He never lost sight of what is funny out there even though he's not making movies or out there entertaining and you know what he doesn't have to he’s seeing How unfunny the world has become and he's not needed but I think in a time like this we do need him or someone better than him. (Cut to Hassan)

Hassan Bin Onsonar:

Wait Mel Brooks? Is he Jewish? (The others nod then Hassan growls) I cannot be seen with in the likes of a Jew! Hassan must die like a man! (Hassan tries to click the trigger to the bomb repeatedly with no success and sighs with defeat!) The Trigger doesn’t work! Boy when things go wrong, do they go wrong! (Hassan takes off the bomb and throws it outside the studio and it explodes as the police enter) I am not a member of any terrorist organization! I had nothing to do… (Officer played by John Ross Santos holds a gun to Hassan’s face)

Officer:

DROP YOUR WEAPON!

Hassan:

Okay! 

TLOTA:

Relax officers, we’re producers and we are working on a follow up to the Broadway show that just opened “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack!”

Rhonda:

Have you lost your marbles?! This Muslim Madman tried to Massacre us!

Calvin:

Oh Rhonda, such alliteration! 

Rhonda:

Thank you sweetie! (Rhonda and Calvin giggles as a second officer played by Nick Yaun)

Second officer:

Okay, you three can go!

Rhonda and Calvin (In unison):

Thank You! (James, Rhonda and Calvin get the hell out of dodge)

Second Officer:

Tried to kill them? Officer Beach take that man in to central booking for the night!

Hassan:

NEVER! YOU WILL HAVE TO KILL ME BEFORE I SURRENDER! (Hassan tries to make a break for it as sounds of things clattering and smashing are heard after he and the arresting officer run off screen)

Second Officer:

What the hell happened?

Hassan (Off Screen):

I BROKE MY OTHER LEG! (The Second officer looks around and sees Alex Tallycost trying to escape)

Second Officer:

Okay, who are you and why was he trying to kill you?

Alex (Sporting an Irish accent):

I haven’t the foggiest idea officer, the name is OooooooooooooooooooTallycost! And I was on me way to the Sheamus Film Festival and I tucked in to see what in the bloody hell was going on here and now I must be on me way before my voice gets higher! (Breathlessly laughs) As we say in the Old Country (Sounding normal) TAXI! 

Second Officer:

Freeze! (A third officer played by Cambell Dodson appears)

Third Officer:

Chief, look who I found hiding in a closet and what I discovered. One saying, “Show to the IRS” and the other saying, “Do NOT show to the IRS”!

Second Officer:

I think the four of you better come down town with us!

Alex and Theo (In Unison):

Four?

Second Officer:

Yep, You two and those two books

Alex and Theo (In Unison sounding defeated):

Of Course. (Silly music plays as a time circular cut shows James reading the headlines)

TLOTA:

“” The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” performances suspended indefinitely pending investigations into fraudulent financing through crowdfunding.” “Producers Alexander Tallycost and Theodore Flume indicted and though producing a profit that paid off the backers and those who helped in the crowdfunding opening night, future of “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” in question.” Guys, I feel guilty with all of that has gone down. (Cut to everyone else on the horseshoe couch)

Team TLOTA (In Unison):

Why?! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:

Because as much as I hated the situation I was in, I thought things were a step forward towards something new yet every step forward I knew I was taking five back but still… (“Betrayed” soundalike starts)

TLOTA (Singing):

Just like a bystander, I saw it happening! I thought I could ignore it and not let it get me! Aaaashaaaaaamed! Oh, WOW! I’m ashamed! Like Affleck after “Gigli”, a career is down the drain! Two people are in the hoosegow and I feel I should take the blame Aaaashaaaamed! Let’s face facts, I’m ashamed! OY, I can’t take it! OY, I may just break it! It should be me behind bars and making license plates for the cars! I feel like a failure and everything is lost! I’m out here dealing while Theo and Alex have their salads tossed! It’s so insane and did I mention I’m ashamed! Now they’re going off to jail and they’ve been denied bail and Alma left to morn them and I can’t even think of saving them! (Cut to James as he comes face to face with his team)

TLOTA:

I’m losing it!  I’m losing it! I can’t stand to be in this pain! I see my life flash before my eyes! I…I see my house where I’ve lived all my life! I’m playing with my Beagles and my Jack Russell terriers! And I see my papa! I see my dad in his usual attire (James fades into the background as James dressed and looking like his father comes into the foreground) And I can hear him say…” SCHWINEMAN! HURRY UP WE HAVE A HOUSE TO GUT! I DON’T WANT US HAVING ALL THAT WE HAVE! SCHWINEMAN! SCHWINEMAN!” (Cut to a very confused Team TLOTA looking at James before cutting to James) What? My dad doesn’t like the fact we have anything even the clothes on our back! (Cut to Team TLOTA)

Paulo Fonseca:

James, your dad says that? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:

I’ve got a great memory especially the past! (Singing): THE PAAAAAAAAST! A Burning Ember! And YEEEEEES! I know you remember! (Speaking): When did it begin? (Team TLOTA stand behind James as they prepare to help James) I walked into the office to get my check for the rent! (James stands up)

John Ross Santos (Mocking Theo):

You can make more money with a flop than with a hit!

Eric Kurtzke (Singing):

We Will Succeed! We Will Succeed!

John Ross Santos (Mocking Theo):

I’m in

TLOTA:

I’m Out! ALRIGHT! Fine, begrudgingly I’m in!

Eric Kurtzke (Singing):

Alright then let’s get to it! Step one) Find the Play!

TLOTA:

Seeing it, touching it, Smelling it for some odd reason, I ain’t kissing it! You deal with Hassan!

Paulo Fonseca:

Barack Hussein Mary Obama, Saddam Elizabeth Hussein and Osama Catherine Bin Laden

Eric Kurtzke:

Step two) Hire the director! (Team TLOTA Sing “Entertain! Entertain! Entertain!” as they quickly beat the bejesus out of James who lands head first into the couch)

Nick Yaun:

Dude, you okay? (Cut to James with his head in the couch)

TLOTA (Muffled):

I’m reenacting the pain I was in after the visit, during the commercial break! The pain that is a little more bearable now surprisingly and after the visit from them! (James points to the door as it cuts to Team TLOTA turning to see Eric Adler and Alma as they wave to team TLOTA and the men off screen say “Alma! Yowza! and Homina-Homina How-WOW!” before backing up and closing the door and cutting to James as he gets back up)

TLOTA:

Now, where were we? (Everyone hmms in thought before Eric Kurtzke snaps his fingers)

Eric Kurtzke:

Step Three) Raising the Money! (Everyone sings “We’re giving you the money!”) Step four) Hire the actors!

TLOTA:

The Author is Osama, A friend I know is Barack and a Hispanic Saddam! OY!

Everyone (Singing):

Opening Night!

TLOTA:

Break a Leg!

Paulo (As Hassan):

I Broke my leg!

Everyone (Singing):

The Summer of Saddam, Osama and Barack!

TLOTA:

They’re staying in their seats!

Everyone (Singing):

The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack!

TLOTA:

The funniest thing on Broadway EVER!

Everyone (Singing):

Ha! Ha! Ha! HA! HA! HA!

Eric Kurtzke:

Give Me the Books!

Paulo Fonseca:

HASSAN CHOP! 

Eric Kurtzke:

Give Me the Books!

Paulo Fonseca:

HASSAN CHOP! 

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

TLOTA:

Call the cops, away they go! I’m free as a bird! (Singing): Then the show is cancelled, and I’m racked so full of guilt! That is how I have been as if it’s how I was built!

Everyone (Singing):

Just like a common criminal, who just stole the Hope Diamond!

TLOTA (Singing):

Who’d have thought that I’d be sad once I climbed the top of the mountain? I can’t contain!

Team TLOTA(Singing):

We can’t contain!

TLOTA (Singing):

All of this pain!

Team TLOTA(Singing):

All of this pain!

TLOTA:

And of course!

Everyone (Singing):

THE SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!

TLOTA:

ASHAMED! (Cut to a Gavel hitting as the song ends and a judge played by Christopher Faraci sits on the bench)

Judge:

Before the trial continues I have heard from both the Defense and Prosecution that new evidence has come up and the man who has it would like to address the court! Bailiff call for the witness.

Bailiff (Played by Nick Slimmer):

The judge calls Mr. James Faraci The Last Of The Americans to the courtroom! (The court doors open as James and his attorney enter the door)

Eric Adler:

Eric Adler for the defense and my client has been authorized to hand over evidence that has been verified by New York Detectives and Technicians and Accountants. James, if you would.

TLOTA:

Thank you Eric, Your Honor, Mr. Prosecutor, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury after being in league with them in the production of “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” left me wondering if this is how productions even on Broadway are done the same way another pair named Bialystock and Bloom do their business. (Cut to clips of the original and movie musical version of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

I understand people in the entertainment business have both good and bad intentions. There’s no question about it in my mind that by today’s standards something like this dramatically speaking would work. There’d be so much bad blood that Bialystock and Bloom would wind up in the bottom of the Hudson instead of behind bars keeping their scam up. But maybe they should’ve learned that the scam they’re trying to concoct would and never should work. The story of the scam does work as a comedy especially from a genius like Mel Brooks and is worth of all the praise it deserves. (Cut to James in the courtroom)

TLOTA:

But while I may seem to be just rambling, I’m getting ready to make a point. If I may introduce Independent Evidence Exhibit A) The Crowdfunding page. If the jury and your honor will look and see that the most purchased were the ones that were from the one dollar to the hundred-dollar tiers and note the rewards. One dollar earned someone a weekly E-Mail update. Five Dollars earned A Weekly E-mail, a tee shirt and a credited thanks on the playbill,  For Ten Dollars you get the E-Mail, Tee Shirt, the credited thanks on the Playbill and a chat with one of the producers of the show on either Skype or Discord, Twenty Dollars gets the ten dollar tier and a ticket to the show which opened two weeks ago, Fifty Dollars get everything in the Twenty Dollar Tier and a brief walk on Cameo in a future production done by the producers, One Hundred dollars get the fifty dollar tier multiplied by 2. Now pay attention to the Hundred thousand to five hundred thousand tiers. The Hundred thousand is the Hundred Dollar tier plus one percent of the net profits, the five hundred thousand tier is the hundred-thousand-dollar tier but with two percent of the net profits! I’d like to show the Five hundred-thousand-dollar tier and how many bought it. Six of the ten offered were purchased Five hundred multiplied by six is Three Million. The hundred-thousand-dollar tier had twenty of the fifty offered were purchased, there’s another two million there, I over sold the lower tiers to get the last million plus an additional five thousand for all services rendered by the crowdfunding site and with that I introduce Independent Evidence Exhibit B) The real accounting books for the show. In here are the actual financial accounting for the Broadway show “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack”. (James hands the account books for “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” to the Prosecution then to the Defense and then to the Judge and Jury and everyone murmurs as the gavel slams and we cut to the judge)

Judge:

Mr. Faraci, given the evidence you found we nearly had a grave miscarriage in Justice. (Cut to the Prosecutor played by Garrett Schecher)

The Prosecutor:

Given the new evidence, I am willing to drop all the charges (Cut to the Judge)

The Judge:

So noted, Alexander Tallycost and Theodore Flume you are free to go with the state’s apology. We’re Adjourned. (The gavel slams as it cuts to James, Alex and Theo as they walk out of the court)

Alex:

So you undersold the upper tiers and oversold the lower ones. Why?

TLOTA:

To be honest, you two needed to be taught to do better without being criminals. (Cut to clips of both versions of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Because by the end of “The Producers” both versions, Leo and Max are continuing their con in a new way and that’s the wrong message. The duo should’ve learned how to be better fiscally accountable and not try the same things that put them into the big house in the first place. But with all my moral ramblings do I love the original and the musical remake? Absolutely! I truly feel they are worth the money and time to enjoy social satire that these movies provide. (Cut to James, Alex and Theo)

TLOTA:

And if there is ANYTHING to learn from this fiasco is one: Never get on board a project with you two EVER AGAIN and of course learn how being fiscally competent will save you a world of headaches. But after all that you’ve been through, I think I have one idea you can have for your next show free of charge. Just credit me as the author and we’re good. (Cut to the Marquee as it reads “The Gitmo of Love” as “Prisoners of Love” (Broadway version) sound alike play in the foreground before cutting to a stage filled with dancers dressed as Prisoners in Guantanamo Bay with the head prisoner played by Ed Champion begins to sing)

Head Prisoner (Singing):

Hope to Sing Sing! SING SING! 

Chorus (singing):

Prisoners of Love in the Gitmo of Love can’t keep our love in Jail! (The Warden/Calvin Chia pops out played by Antoni Matteo Garcia)

The Warden/Calvin Chia:

Nope can’t keep love in jail!

Chorus (singing):

Prisoners of Love in the Gitmo of Love!

The Warden/Calvin Chia (Singing):

Soon gonna send ya up the rail! 

Chorus (Singing):

Up the rail! Oh, they can waterboard us and kill our sanity! But the love in our hearts will keep us free in the Gitmo of Love and Blue skies above but we’re still prisoners, never getting out of the Gitmo of Love! Love! Love! Love! Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love! (Music ends as it cuts to Theo and Alex outside the Theater as they try to grab James when he comes along willingly this time)

TLOTA, Alex & Theo (Singing):

Theo and Alex on the right tracks! Right on the great white way! Theo and Alex off from the craps and they’re back to STAY! And if you send them money, never fear, they’ll roll them in the aisles in the theater!

TLOTA:

The writing’s good

Alex Tallycost and Theodore Flume:

The Cast is swell!

TLOTA, Alex & Theo (Singing):

And this we’re telling you sirs, you have no go, you have no show without PRODUCERS! We’ll make them hits! We won’t quit! (The three walk down the great white way as Signs for Parody Plays as a chorus sings “The Producers! Theo and Alex!” before a Marquee with the Words “The End” is thrown in front of us as it cuts to black before an image of Alex and Theo’s studio is seen as James and Diego are in the frame as a voice out of frame says “Kiss it! KISS IT!” as James says NO! and Diego loses it and Laughs and another voice says cut as it beeps and blooper and Behind The Scenes footage is on the left as credits are shown on the right hand side of the screen as it shows “Directed by Julia Alexa Miller, Antoni Matteo Garcia and James Faraci”, “Written By James Faraci”, “Songs by James Faraci and Antoni Matteo Garcia”, “Starring James Faraci, Christopher Faraci, Circe Rae Mears, Ariel Mears, Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion, Andrew Beach, Nick Yaun, Brenda Fonseca, Chris Lee Moore, Antoni Matteo Garcia, James Walsh, Garrett Schecher, Maria Feist, Diego Torres Kuri, Cambell Dodson, Marcella Di Pasqualle, Taylor Huff, Holden Weihs, Nick Slimmer and Special guest appearances by Lea Michele, Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines”, “Sets built by Thorn Winter and Robert Faraci”, “Produced in part by Validus Productions, Manic-Expression and Rowdy C Productions”,“ADR by Paul Schuler”, “Edited by James Faraci, Holden Weihs and Julia Alexa Miller” “Special thanks to EVERYONE for putting up with three directors and a lot of extra work Behind The Scenes.” Before showing www.Manic-Expression.com then cutting to a door as sound alike to “Goodbye” plays.)

TLOTA (Singing):

Thanks for watching our review! (Cut to Alma)

Alma (Singing):

It was the least that you could do. (Cut to Hassan)

Hassan (Singing):

Just click on the X to look for the porn! (Cut to Calvin, Rhonda and their team)

Calvin & Rhonda (Singing):

In case you haven’t noticed there’s nothing more!

Creative Team (Singing):

If you think we did good, then give us a like! (Cut to Team TLOTA)

Team TLOTA (Singing):

If you thought we stunk then tell us in the comments to Take a hike! (Cut to the courtroom)

Everyone in the Courtroom (Singing):

We’re so glad that we must shout! (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows (Singing):

Farethewell! (Cut to Calvin, Rhonda and their team)

Everyone (Singing):

Ta-Ta-Ta! (Cut to Hassan)

Hassan (Singing):

ma‘a as-salaama (Cut to Eric Adler)

Eric Adler:

Goodbye (Cut to a Chorus of women in Arabic attire and a man looking down in the center of the Chorus)

Women in Arabic Attire:

Just go! (The camera zooms to see Rowdy pop up in the center)

Rowdy (Singing):

GET OUT! 

Rowdy:

Leave already! It’s over!