Reality Checkout: "Schmo"-ing in Hell

 (0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
Believe it or not, when most people think of Kristen Wiig it's easy to think of her time on Saturday Night Live and of course movies like "Paul", "Bridesmaids", "Friends With Kids", "The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty",  (Cut to the Poster of "Ghostbusters: Answer The Call" as James says "Yeah, That". Cut to the Posters of "Despicable Me 2" & "Despicable Me 3" as James says "Oh wow! That's cool!". Cut to the Poster of "Zoolander 2" as James says "Yeesh!". Cut to the poster of "Wonder Woman 1984" as James says "It's on my short list of movies to review for my eighth anniversary!". Cut to James in his office.)

TLOTA: 
The point is every star has their starting point and for Kristin and a few others, they got their big break or perhaps the biggest on this one reality show! (Cut to the title card of "The Joe Schmo Show" then clips of the series as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
"The Joe Schmo Show" was meant to be a spoof on the usual characters you'd see in such a trash heap except for one person and that person was THE Joe Schmo that the series was centered around and it was created by the duo of Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese who went on to do the first two Deadpool movies so even the creators went on to greater success after the series ended. The first season started off making fun of the type of "Survivor"-Esque series, the Faux Reality Series was called in the first season "Lap Of Luxury" in which the "Winner" would win $100,000.00 and the center of the series was Matt Kennedy Gould and the fact he thought it was, in fact, a Real "Reality Show" started we saw him at his most earnest because he thought these characters were as real as a cast-iron skillet. But as the season went on they tried to rig it to have Gould win it. However in one contest in which Wiig got hit hard in the head which had everyone worried about whether or not to continue on the show. However, the people in charge went with the old adage "The Show Must Go On" however they decided to make changes to the games for the sake of everyone's safety but still they set it up for Matt to get the win. However they also made sure to get in their fair share of twists and turns such as apparently, the Vestal Virginal Blond Bombshell had a boyfriend who made an appearance and became horrified by what was going on, then of course one of the contestants turned out to have cheated which led "Host" Ralph Garmin to throw him out only for him to return and win when that same damned character reveals to be an actor and as everyone else revealed themselves to be an actor it leads to the moment that has been seared into the culture for a while. (Cut to the clip of Matt Kennedy Gould asking "What Is Going On?") Of course, when it happened it was at the finale when everyone was hoping Matt wouldn't go on an ass-kicking of everyone there and apparently they revealed the real emotional love they had for the guy. He had earned every penny of that money. And to everyone's surprise, it was a hit show for the Spike Network "The First Network For Men" which is now the Paramount Network.  (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Now after that season, I'm sure people would've been more aware of the scenarios well, again the men who wrote the first two Deadpool movies decided to do something that a Lifetime Drama series would do but to my amazement, the people did this series, I think did it better and was better at hiding the fact the series was scripted that is until one of the contestants would figure it out early on! (Cut to clips of Joe Schmo 2 as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Joe Schmo 2 originally a set of two people brought in on a Romantic Reality Series concept brought from the good old U.K. entitled "Last Chance For Love" and while Ralph Garmin returned they actually were able to show he could perform as he played the British host Derek Newcastle as new schmos Tim Walsh and Ingrid Wiese were to be contestants vying for the attention of newly separated couple Austin and Piper played by Tim Herzog and Valerie Azlynn. However right away the show was going down as in the first few minutes as the female schmo Ingrid Wiese was quick to discover that this and most reality shows are a load of Hooey and this was as fake as real Reality Shows. By the third episode, Ingrid figures it out and was given an offer, stay on as a member of the cast of the "Reality Show" and he'd get the same as Tim and new female schmo Amanda Naughton. By the end of the second series we go through the usual Romantic Reality crap and they didn't just parody it, they flat out took it to the meat grinder just for jollies! That is something "UNReal" should've been more about. A humorous satire of the drama not only in front of the screen but behind it as well. While in the end, it was Deja Vu, it was a welcomed and surprisingly refreshing way for a reality series to end. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
That is until the attempt to bring it back NINE years after the first two series. (Cut to The Joe Schmo Show: The Full Bounty as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The third and final series featured a spoof on "Dog: The Bounty Hunter" played by Ralph Garmin and a weird appearance by Lorenzo Lamas while there was nothing different in terms of pacing and satirizing "Reality TV" characters, there was actually nothing really to make me interested in watching the show which the Schmo Chase Rogan didn't figure it out until the series was over like the others save for Ingrid but even then they did try unsuccessfully to keep the mystique of it being a real "Reality Show". However, by the point in this series was stale! The "Reality TV" cliches were not only passe, even satirizing them seemed passe! (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
And despite certain hurdles, there were actual success stories from this "Reality Show" and I can list ten off the top of my head! (Cut to clips of certain people from each season of "The Joe Schmo Show" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):

Number 10)
Lance Krall

TLOTA (V.O.):
While he played "Kip" on the show, he also went on to be the creator of both "The Lance Krall Show" which was a comedy sketch show, and "Free Radio", He was also on "MONK" and worked as a writer on "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia". Speaking of that series 

Number 9)
David Hornsby

TLOTA (V.O.):
David played "The Hutch" on the show, he went on to be on shows like "Six Feet Under" and "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" and movies like "Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem" and married Emily Deschanel AKA Dr. Temperance Brennan from the series "BONES"

Number 8)
Jonathan Torrens

TLOTA (V.O.):
Jonathan played "Gerald" on the show, he went on to be on shows like "Degrassi: The Next Generation" and "Letterkenny" as Noah Dyck, he has also done well as a podcaster and writer.

Number 7)
Jon Huertas

TLOTA (V.O.):
Jon played "T.J." on the shows  he went on to be on shows like "Castle", "Elementary", "The Rookie" and "This Is Us" and appeared in movies like "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2"

Number 6)
Lorenzo Lamas

TLOTA (V.O.):
Okay, Technically this is a cheat because he was famous before the series and after the series, appearing on shows like of all things "Lucha Underground" and "Jane The Virgin" and movies like the third "Sharknado" movie but he

Number 5)
Robert Belushi

TLOTA (V.O.):
Like Lamas, this is a cheat. His uncle was SNL legend John Belushi and his dad is Jim Belushi! So he has had some success before and after the show including a stint on the final season of "How I Met Your Mother" among his credits after appearing on the show

Number 4)
Natasha Leggero

TLOTA (V.O.):
Natasha played "Rita" who was known to imbibe on the show. If you haven't had the chance to see her on Comedy Central then you know where her career has gone. She had her fair share of Comedy Central Stand-Up Specials, "Another Period" and been in movies like "He's Just Not That Into You", "Neighbors"

Number 3)
Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese

TLOTA (V.O.):
I know this is another cheat as they are the creators but if you can come out of this to actually help Ryan Reynolds make Deadpool come to life after creating as real a "Reality show" can get, then you have more than earned your success!

Number 2)
Ralph Garmin

TLOTA (V.O.):
Ralph was the host in all three seasons but played two other host characters Derek Newcastle and Jake Montrose on The Joe Schmo Show. What has he done? (Cut to posters of Podcasts. TV Shows and Movies in which Ralph has been in even in minor parts) Take Your Pick!

TLOTA (V.O.):
And of course, Kristin Wiig is the number one star to come out of the show, she has done so much since the show I already talked about it and I hope to give Wonder Woman 84 a second chance before I decide to review it.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But what do I think of the show? Well... (Cut to clips of "The Joe Schmo Show" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
This is what gave me disdain when it comes to Reality TV and it gladly mocked everything sleazy and disgusting about the genre and the best part is that it is self-aware of the genre it is mocking. Plus under the right circumstances, it needs to be around to slam the genre down to the bottom of the pile of rotten feces it is. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
This is the first time I am going to say that this series is alright by me. "The Joe Schmo Show" is the first and HOPEFULLY the only series that checks out as a good series! (Cut to James in different monitors with thumbs up and the words "Checks out in Reality" and the audio clip of Matt Kennedy Gould asking "What is going on?" Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well 2020 is starting off rough, hopefully, things get better. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and I need a shower to get the sensation of the scum that's growing on me!

Top 10 Larry David Performances

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then cutting to The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Larry David is a friggin' comedic GENIUS! (“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as images of Larry David are shown and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And it feels like it's been that way forever from his days on the short lived "Fridays" to his work on Saturday Night Live as of late. But what is it about him that makes him entertaining? (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Well we'll get to the bottom of the that as we countdown ten of Larry David's best performances. So kick back and think long and hard about the humor of the mundane. This is the Top 10 Funniest Larry David performances. (“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as images of Larry David are shown while a central image of Larry David with his usual put-upon look on his face is shown then the words "The Top Ten Funniest" are on the top of Larry David's head and the words "Larry David Performances" are on the bottom as James does a voiceover the clip associated with the number on the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 10

10) Sister Mary-Mengele in  the Farrelly Brothers "The Three Stooges"

TLOTA (Voiceover): Possibly one of the few good things out of this dogpile was Larry David's performance as this nun who was about as likable as sandpaper toilet paper. Even the trailer was smart enough to have Sister Mary-Mengele be the first person getting the eyebrow poke! And then came the entire performance, Larry got the daylights knocked out of him but he took it all in stride. But I think it's safe to say he was in on how much of a stinker it is and did the best he could and he was a trooper for putting up with being both a nun AND being beaten to a pulp! He was one of the few funny things that worked in this turkey and it shows.

(“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as an image of Larry David with his usual put-upon look on his face is shown as James does a voiceover the clip associated with the number on the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 9

9) "Fridays"

TLOTA (Voiceover): I put this classic series waaaaaaaay down here because the only reasons people remember this was because of an incident involving Andy Kaufman shattering a sketch but also it was successful for at least a small amount of time especially during the sixth through the eighth seasons of "SNL" which would eventually have a former cast member be a part of their tenth season as well as Larry David in the writing staff and the occasional sketch but the cast including Melanie Chartoff, Rich Hall, Michael Richards and of course Larry David was relatively funny and in sketches and musical numbers that tanked and then some but apparently there was something that shone through the bottom of the barrel especially in which Larry David plays Larry OF the Three Stooges getting baked on the Mary Jane to which I ask the following to you which was worse The Sketch from "Fridays" in which the Three Stooges are made to be drug heads or the Farrelly Brothers movie? Regardless this did show Larry David at his earliest and what would come from those days would be a comedic genius!

(“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as an image of Larry David with his usual put-upon look on his face is shown as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 8
8) Sour Grapes

TLOTA (Voiceover): This was Larry David's only movie where he directed. And it's easy to see why. The plot was interesting A guy and his cousin in a casino wins close to half a million dollars on  two quarters for a slot machine and what happens afterwards. The cousin feels he should get half of the cash because it was HIS quarters that his cousin used to win the money so he should get at least half but then chaos between the cousins ensues. Now that sounds like comedy gold but the critics crucified the movie and the movie died a painful death and eventually even Larry David regrets it so much it became a joke on the Pilot Episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm". But I hope people do give it a chance, it was funny and I hope it becomes a cult classic!

(“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as an image of Larry David with his usual put-upon look on his face is shown as James does a voiceover the clip associated with the number on the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 7

7) The cameo in the Hannah Montana episode "My Best Friend's Boyfriend"

TLOTA: My associate the Rowdy Reviewer got it right on the nose when it came to this series but one of the greatest moments this series had was having Larry David and his actual daughters cameo in the episode. While it was brief, it gave kids that around my nieces age who this guy is and what he's been in though it does show how most people in Los Angeles who have high end restaurants to those who've been around for a while and those who are just young acts who will flame out before their first attempt to regain their relevance six weeks after they become relevant and you know what's even crazier. He was just hanging around the set with his daughters and the executive producers and writers decided to ask Larry to cameo with his daughters and he was fine with it. So it shows how even he can poke at who he is and enjoy it as well.

(“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as an image of Larry David with his usual put-upon look on his face is shown as James does a voiceover the clip associated with the number on the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 6

6) " The Acceptance Speech for the Laurel Award at the WGA Awards"

TLOTA (Voiceover): Just watching this guy roast himself and what he does and how he got his start and how he got there is hilarious. But when you see it, you can tell he was truly humbled by the award and how lucky he was to get the breaks in his career which I think he earned!

(“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as an image of Larry David with his usual put-upon look on his face is shown as James does a voiceover the clip associated with the number on the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 5

5) "Fish in the Dark"

TLOTA (Voiceover): While sitting Shiva with his friend & lawyer who had lost his father, Larry David came up with the plot for this short lived but critically polarizing Broadway play about a dysfunctional family as not only do they come to terms with the passing of their father but what is going to happen to them and on the outside it does sound like a good drama but with Larry David's talent turned it into a great comedy.

(“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as an image of Larry David with his usual put-upon look on his face is shown as James does a voiceover the clip associated with the number on the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 4

4) The "It's Garry Shandling's Show" episode "Sarah"

TLOTA (Voiceover): We recently lost Garry Shandling. But this episode shows what he could do with the writing style of Larry David and the show's deadpan yet fourth wall breaking comedy was a match made in heaven and in this case, it shows. The episode is about Garry's Ex-Girlfriend coming back into town and Garry still having feelings for her and as was a part of the show's fourth wall breaking he'd always let the audience on the series be on the gags and jokes without the "If You have to explain the Joke" trope.  An awesome episode of a great series written by a comedic genius and you've got a classic of epic proportions.

(“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as an image of Larry David with his usual put-upon look on his face is shown as James does a voiceover the clip associated with the number on the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 3

3) Saturday Night Live!

TLOTA(Voiceover): Believe it or not as a sign of Good Will from one network to another after "Fridays" bit the bullet, The then showrunner of "Saturday Night Live" invited the cast and writers to work on SNL, that was kind of nice of the showrunner I guess. Well out of all of the cast and writers only two accepted the offer one of them being Larry David and although he did work on the show his only written sketch got the last slot on one episode. Enraged he quit but the next day returned to work the next day as if nothing happened. Though he did appear throughout his season as a writer performance wise as a heckler at Michael McKean and in the only season finale he both wrote and appeared in. But recently Larry returned this time to portray Bernie Sanders who is currently as of this post Still in the hunt for the Democratic Party Presidency Candidature, even hosting an episode in which Bernie Sanders appeared as a cameo. And as of this moment, whenever I hear Bernie Sanders on the campaign trail, THIS is what I hear. (Cut to James in his Office's kitchen washing the dishes as Bernie Sanders does a campaign speech)

TLOTA: GUYS?!

Paulo Fonseca (Audio only): Yeah?

TLOTA: Are you watching a Larry David Bernie Sanders sketch from SNL?

Rebecca Yaun (Audio only): No, it's really Bernie Sanders.

TLOTA: Oh! (Cut to clips of SNL as Larry David portrays Bernie Sanders as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yeah it is that Damned impressive. SNL may have missed the mark in giving him a break in the beginning of his career but now with this, SNL is glad to have Larry as Bernie and so am I!

(“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as an image of Larry David with his usual put-upon look on his face is shown as James does a voiceover the clip associated with the number on the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 2

2) Seinfeld

TLOTA (Voiceover): Just... Just Seinfeld. Larry David's comedic writing and timing combined with Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia-Louis Dreyfuss & Michael Richards take on the world that brought this series to prominence and made it one of the best sitcoms of the 1990's though the finale did piss people off, it doesn't detract from what the series was when it was under Larry David's tenure and it surprises me how it holds up! I still hear people making references to this day! That is just how great and iconic this series

(“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as an image of Larry David with his usual put-upon look on his face is shown as James does a voiceover the clip associated with the number on the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And the Number one...

(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Oh we all know what's Number one it's "Curb Your Enthusiasm"!

(Cut to clips of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" as  "Frolic" by Luciano Michelini plays in the background and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And for good reason, it takes a fictional look at  Larry David and how he thinks the world views him. Therein lies the storytelling engine. It's Larry David as himself having to go through things that turn normal people into Mailmen with a lifetime membership to the NRA and how he deals with it and how the mundane is the most hilarious. Even when the real life of Larry David cross sections with the fictional it seems to be hilarious. Especially when it came to the end of both the real and fictional marriage of Larry David and while the final episode (Thus Far) shows how much Larry and the people can take and even after that people still want another season. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: WHY?! I think this is a case where letting sleeping dogs lie is a good thing! How much more can one guy take before he goes cuckoo for cocoa puffs! What else can Larry David do to his fictional self before he decides to flat out become a murderous psychopath. Larry put Larry through the Wringer. (Cut to Renee outside of James' door)

Renee Miller: Did you just say the N-Word? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: For the love of Peat Moss, not again. I SAID WRINGER! WRINGER! NOT THE N-WORD! (Cut to the outside of James' Door where General Anesthetic & Malcolm joins Renee)

General & Malcolm (In unison): Did you say "The N-Word" (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Ugh here I go again, I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion! RENEE! GENERAL! MALCOLM! (James walks away as the first eight seconds of "Frolic" by Luciano Michelini plays before cutting to black!)