In Defense of "Smallville"

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours and welcome to another edition of "In Defense Of..."(Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics  play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words "In Defense Of..."  before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
This year marks the 80th anniversary of Superman and I feel for everything associated with anything involving him one series seems to still get some heat and this series ended nearly a decade ago! (Cut to the intro to season one of "Smallville" as it's theme plays through the clips as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Smallville" not only had the highest rating record for the WB with a whopping 8.4 Million Viewers for their pilot, the series lasted ten years longer than most people and critics and even network execs thought it would! That's right, The WB and the network it evolved into The CW had NO confidence in the series but it outlasted the network that started it were praying to whatever deity Hollywood believes in for the show to FAIL!  But it didn't, it succeeded, it lasted ten years! Ten years on the air that's the same time the Fred Wolf TMNT series was on the air! That's INCREDIBLE! The fact the series is NOT a Superboy or Superman series even though they could've done that. But they chose to make it about Clark Kent and his life in Smallville as he grows up and the journey to become Superman. Even his relationships with his Adoptive Parents, his friends even his relationship with Lex Luthor and his father Lionel Luthor. That's right, in this series Michael Rosenbaum's Lex Luthor and Tom Welling's Clark Kent are friends until the decisions both made turned them into the iconic characters we've known since time immemorial. I also like the idea of how they brought actors who have done justice to the world of Superman from the Salkind Era like the late Margot Kidder and Marc McClure, the original Zod Terrence Stamp plays Jor-El in the series and the original Lana Lang Annette O'Toole is (Doing a Ben Affleck Batman Impression) MARTHA!! (Returning to normal)  even the first Superman from my generation Christopher Reeve appears in the show for a few episodes as Dr. Swann that was incredible and the fact that The series also had accolades from Emmys to Teen Choice Awards! I also liked how the first four seasons with Clark learning about his powers while in High School. I also enjoyed how it slowly integrated characters from the DC Universe including Green Arrow, Cyborg, Aquaman, Bart "Impulse" Allen and even the first Live Action J'onn J'onzz by Phil Morris years before David Harewood's impressive performance as The Martian Manhunter in "Supergirl". Some of my favorite moments came in the season finales. One moment that remains with me was the 100th episode when we see Jonathan Kent played by John "Bo Duke" Schneider do something so powerful to protect Clark he suffers from the fatal heart attack that kills him and the funeral scene was just haunting. Another moment was in the sixth season when in the premiere Lex Luthor was the vessel of Zod and how Clark was able to get Zod out of Lex. However in the ninth season they brought actor Callum Blue to portray Zod but that's neither here nor there. One other thing I should mention is how they integrate characters from the Superman mythos. like Lois Lane played by Erica Durance & Kara Zor-El played by Laura Vandervoort, Brainiac played by Buffy Alum James Marsters and even Perry White played by Michael McKean otherwise known as Annette O'Toole's husband is done well here. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And now some of the more infamous parts of the series. Mainly everything involving Doomsday in this series and the original character Chloe Sullivan and the actress that played her Allison Mack! (Cut to clips of the season Doomsday was a part of as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
When I talked about "Batman V Superman" out of character I mentioned how the design of Doomsday was just WRONG and how "Smallville" got it right! Well I should clarify what I mean in terms of how the character looked from the original Comic Book version. The animated version from both Justice League cartoons under Bruce Timm would look a little more like the comic book version but in terms of how the Character would look in Live Action well yeah the Doomsday in Smallville is more accurate than the one in the movie. Now onto Chloe Sullivan played by Allison Mack. Chloe is an original character who is now a part of the Superman Mythos and in season four we discover that Chloe is Lois Lane's Cousin and then later having a relationship with Jimmy Olsen played by Aaron Ashmore but not the Jimmy Olsen from the Comics we know. Apparently The Jimmy Olsen Aaron Ashmore played was the older brother of The Jimmy Olsen we eventually and know and she eventually had a relationship with Oliver Queen aka The Green Arrow played by future "This Is Us" star Justin Hartley. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Now onto Chloe's Actress Allison Mack and I feel I have to address the Elephant in the room the only way I feel I must. (James pulls out his morpher and De-Morphs)

James Faraci:
I only know what has happened to Allison Mack through the internet and the news about her connections to this sex cult and I truly hope to God things work out for her and she can put her life back together because I've seen and heard stories about former actors that fall hard from grace and eventually end up not only on skid row but in a six foot hole in the ground. One story that comes to mind is that of Dana Plato and how after she was fired from the role of Kimberly Drummond on "Diff'rent Strokes" she had become addicted to Alcohol and Drugs and how she eventually died from an overdose in 1999 and the child she left behind died nearly a decade later. I really feel that those who worked with her and truly, truly know her and those who know her and to everyone who've ever been a part of DC's Television past and present to be with her and help her. She needs a league of Superheroes to help her come out of this, her darkest hour and get her back from the brink she's at right now and if Allison Mack gets to see this. I want you to know that I care enough about you to say this, where you are now is NOT where you should be. You need help and you need to know you are loved and you need to believe. Now that I got that out of me, let's get back on track. (James pulls out his morpher and puts the card into the slot and punches in the code 428 and morphs into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.)

TLOTA:
Now there is one last thing that I feel I need to talk about and that is the final season and the finale. (Cut to clips of the final season as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The final season had a lot to wrap up in order to end Clark's Journey to becoming Superman. He and Lois were not only an item but Lois discovered Clark's abilities and how he was going through his final trials in order to become the Superman we all know and love culminating in the series finale and for those who hasn't seen the finale there are Spoilers a plenty, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! It starts out  Seven years in the future as Chloe her child (Shot pauses to see the kid as a still of Stephen Amell's version of Green Arrow is seen next to the kid) who I'm sure grew up to be this Green Arrow! (Cut back to the finale as James does a voiceover) As it cuts back to the present day as Clark and Lois finalizes their plans to get married and move on from Smallville. In the midst of this, an alternate universe Lionel Luthor tries to kill Tess Mercer played by Cassidy Freeman to revive a dormant Lex Luthor probably the Smallville version of earth, yeah there was a multiverse before it was made well known in the Flarrowverse. She escapes and kills the alternate universe Lionel Luthor. Meanwhile Oliver Queen who has been brainwashed and corrupted by Granny Goodness and made to be a servant of Darkseid plans to use Golden Kryptonite. Yeah there are different versions of Kryptonite in the series as the red kryptonite removes inhibitions and blue kryptonite makes every Kryptonian like us humans and the Gold version takes Kryptonian powers away from Kryptonians for good. Chloe recognizes the material and Clark saves Oliver ending part one of the finale. The second part begins with Lionel meeting up with whaaaat the...? (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Is that same puff of smoke from "Lost" supposed to be Darkseid?! (Cut to a still of the Darkseid cloud and a buzzer buzzes as the word Yes is plastered onto the still before cutting to a still of James physically as a flag comes out of each of James' ears a Cuckoo Bird goes "Cuckoo" coming off of James' scalp and a noise maker from a party is seen as crazy music is playing in the foreground before cutting back to the finale)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Okay, I understand budgetary constrictions, it's a TV Show, I get it! But seriously a puff a smoke with Darkseid's face?! Seriously?! Okay, let's move on Darkseid makes a deal to take his life to save Lex's. Meanwhile ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE as Apokolips prepares to come to Earth! Lex and Clark meet one more time and to both Michael Rosenbaum and Tom Welling's credit their chemistry was amazing in the scene and Michael Rosenbaum's performance was so incredible in this finale even when Lex kills Tess who happens to be his sister to save her from becoming him and in turn Tess uses a poison that erases all of the memories Lex had of Smallville. A little out there but you know what like the Darkseid Cloud this is a minor misstep! Back in the farm Clark and Darkseid who now possesses the corpse of Lionel Luthor from the Alternate Universe meet and tries to get to Clark but Jor-El lets him know the trials he faced over the past ten years revealing that everything that has led to this moment has been his trial leading to the moment when Clark flies and demolishes Darkseid and the Alternate Universe Lionel Luthor! Meanwhile Lois sneaks aboard Air Force One to convince the President to give the heroes they tried to destroy who are now the only ones that can stop Apokolips one last chance! The President gives them five minutes. Meanwhile so no others will serve Darkseid, Oliver Queen WIPES OUT Desaad, Granny Goodness and Gordon Godfrey without a second's hesitation! Meanwhile... Well, we'll just let the moment speak for itself (Show clip of Clark in the Fortress Of Solitude as Jor-El as he conveys how proud he is of his son and humbled by the actions of how he grew up just as the spirit of Jonathan Kent hands Clark his Superman suit and Clark prepares to fly before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Oh my god! We've got (Cut to a still of Clark Kent as James says "Clark Kent...WITH THE SUPERMAN SUIT" then cut to a still of the outside of the Fortress Of Solitude as James says "In the Fortress Of Solitude" then cut to a Still of Apokolips ready to come down onto the Earth as James says "And Apokolips is about to reign over the Earth!" before cutting to James physically) If moment doesn't come out to something awesome then I will BURN my reprinted copy of Action Comics #1! Okay Smallville Finale, Let 'er rip! (Show the moment in which Clark launches himself and flies cut to shaking footage of James screaming in absolute hysterical joy cut with footage of Superman saving the day before cutting to James physically as he screams in sheer unadulterated Joy before cutting to a clip of Superman as he pushes the planet Apokolips out of our planet as the words "MOST KICKASS FINALE MOMENT EVAH!" as James' shout of "MOST KICKASS FINALE MOMENT EVAH!" echoes for five seconds before cutting to James as he again screams with joy then calms down) Okay, I know we have to talk about this moment and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! (Cut to clips of the last 20 minutes of the finale as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
First off we have Clark Kent having fully embraced his destiny and now has all of his abilities and powers unlocked flying in to save the day first off saving Air Force One and taking a brief moment to let Lois know he's embraced who he is and Lois makes the President eat his words with a side of Humble Pie and Crow! Secondly, He flies in FULL VIEW of everyone showing that he is going to do whatever he can to save them all and Oliver Queen hoping Clark can do it. Finally with the symbolism of the Daily Planet looking to be the first casualty as Apokolips looks to demolish it then the planet, Superman flies in using all of his strength to push Apokolips off the planet and the thrust from Superman's push sends Apokolips back to where it came from! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
That's just...(Rambles for a moment as James finally says WOW!) I'm never sure when a meme happens but this HAS to be a meme! (Cut to a still image of "Fonzie Jumping the Shark" as James says "There's Jumping The Shark" then cut to a still of Harrison Ford coming out of a fridge as James says "Nuking The Fridge" before cutting to James physically) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU (Cut to Apokolips as it is shoved away as James says "Pushing The Apocalypse! The ultimate in Incredibly Amazingly Epically Awesome and Incredibly Amazingly Epically Out there!" then cut to James physically as he relaxes and downs a bottle of Martinelli's)

TLOTA:
You know something, I don't know they can top what just happened. (Cut to the last three minutes of the series as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

They actually do. The last three minutes takes us back to Seven Years into the future where Lex Luthor is President and Lois and Clark are about to get married again after Seven Years together. In the meanwhile the Jimmy Olsen that we know from the comics is working at the Daily Planet and Perry White has become the Editor of The Daily Planet and in the background is the Iconic Superman Music from the Iconic works of John Williams as we hear about a bomb threat and it looks like a job for Superman! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

And you know something, it was a perfunctory way to end the series. I also know people weren't into a CGI Superman instead of Tom Welling's Clark Kent in a Superman Suit, but at the end of the day "Smallville" IS NOT A Superman Series! It's the tale of Clark Kent and the journey he took to get to the point of becoming Superman! (Cut to clips of Smallville as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And to be fair it is not to everyone's taste I get it. But there are moments I cared for, character development that made me enjoy the show, great writing for the most part and I liked how it paved the way for many more of DC's TV Shows like "Arrow", "The Flash", "Legends Of Tomorrow", "Black Lightning", "Supergirl" (Cut to a poster of "Krypton" as James says "That" then cutting to Posters of "Gotham", "Powerless" & "Constantine" before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:

Well, they can't be all winners. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's My Opinion!

Five Years & "Justice" for very little

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers Movie Power Rangers at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman  and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James and Julia Alexa Miller looking like disheveled as they walk down the backside of the Neversink Reservoir as James carries a very beaten and bruised Deadpool wisecracking and breaking the fourth wall while being hauled in a Grocery Cart and a piano playing “Free Bird” is in the foreground.)

TLOTA (Narrating):
You might be wondering why we look like we went the distance and LOST! You’re probably wondering why Deadpool is the way he is in the Grocery Cart.

Deadpool (Played by Cambell Dodson):
We got our asses WHOOPED like a bunch of school kids and Yes James is pissing himself on the road!

TLOTA (Narrating):
Deadpool shut up!

Deadpool:
Okay

TLOTA (Narrating):
I guess it started back when Myspace was a social site and I’d just blog willy nilly about anything I had on my mind. Then I ended one blog calling myself The Last Of The Americans and then came Kickassia, the first movie I’d ever review! Eventually deciding to turn myself into an Internet Reviewer after being inspired by those on a site that is now a gigantic toilet bowl called Channel Awesome (James spits in the narration as he does in the real time)! Last year I got picked up by Manic-Expression.com to all of whom I am still grateful! Then a few hours ago I celebrated my fifth anniversary by having to review a movie I’d never thought would get to see the light of day. Let’s go back a few hours! (Cut to James in his office as he stands and does the diamond cutter sign)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and have been some of yours for the past FIVE YEARS RUNNING! BANG!  (Cut to a moment of Fireworks and Ode To Joy playing as an image of DDP as his face is in the background and does the sign of the Diamond Cutter sign before cutting to James physically doing the same position) BANG! WHOO! Now what after all that I’ve seen and what I’ve been through, what could possibly top my “Avengers: Infinity War” review? How can I surprise everyone? By going from one big Comic Book Movie Clusterbank to an even BIGGER Comic Book Movie Clusterbank! (Cut to opening credit of “Justice League” as the Opening Music to “Justice League Unlimited” plays in the foreground of the clips of the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):“Justice League” is possibly one of the most incredibly good yet the most incredibly awful movies I’ve ever seen! I don’t know who is to blame the fans for not giving this movie a chance or DC Entertainment, Geoff Johns, Zack Snyder, Joss Whedon, Chris Terrio and Time Warner for just doing too much that it’d drive fans away after hitting No. 1 opening weekend worst than “Batman V Superman: Dawn & Justice”, “Suicide Squad” & “Batman & Robin”! But with this being DC’s attempt to get back into the fight against Marvel they should’ve thrown EVERY LITTLE BIT OF EFFORT INTO THIS MOVIE. BUT IT FELT SO HALF-ASSED EVEN HALF ASSED BAD MOVIES ARE LAUGHING AT THE LACK OF EFFORT IN THIS MOVIE! Now I know what you’re thinking didn’t “Wonder Woman” revive your faith in the DCEU? Shouldn’t you try to be a little more lenient towards this movie? Can’t you give this movie the smallest benefit of the doubt? (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA:
Well, even the worst intentions can make someone forget after doing such a good job besides with what Warner Brothers and DC did made me forget the little bit of good and let’s face it they did their best to ruin the little bit of good with this movie. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and THIS IS “JUSTICE LEAGUE”! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So our movie starts as Superman played once again by Henry Cavill is being interviewed by podcasters. Oh, fun factoid They digitally deleted Henry’s Moustache which he refused to shave because he was in the middle of shooting the latest “Mission: Impossible” movie. Here’s an idea, instead of digitally removing it have the man marbles to stand up TO the Man Of Steel and say to him SHAVE THE STACHE! We then cut to sometime later in Gotham City as Batman played again by Ben Affleck is dangling a crook like a worm on a hook for parademon bait! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:Just like how a certain group of people think Batman would do to criminal scum! I WONDER WHO IT COULD BE?! (Cut back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Rather being dead than turn on his master, the parademon blows himself up. Back in the batcave Alfred played by Jeremy Irons preps Batman’s Jet and says the old standby (Cut to a clip of Phelous as he says, “It’s Time!” before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover.) Meanwhile we see clips of Superman’s funeral and the people who everyone thinks are stupid, you know the guys who think 2+2=4 are grieving meanwhile the 1% of people on this rock who think 2+2= IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN are glad Superman died and the Trolls who hate Superman because he’s nothing like the cold-blooded Batman are probably still like this…! (Cut to a group of Trolls performed by members of Team TLOTA as they Conga sing & Conga Line dance “Superman is De-ead! He’s getting butt-raped by Sa-Tan!” five times before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover.) We soon find ourselves in Paris as Wonder Woman once again played by Gal Gadot stops a group of French Terrorists. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Never thought I say this but I am missing the insanity of “Fishtales” after saying that! (Cut back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
In the meanwhile Bruce tries to find Arthur Curry aka Aquaman played by Jason Momoa to join him. Aquaman bluntly tells Bruce to shove his offer up his Bat-Hole! As Bruce and Alfred try to discover the mystery of the Mother Boxes mentioned in Lex Luthor’s notes. Alfred finds Barry Allen aka Flash and sadly it’s not Grant Gustin. But rather Ezra Miller and sadly the best description I can give of Ezra’s Barry Allen makes me say the following, I would rather have seen anyone else as The Flash than this twerp. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
As a matter of fact! Here’s my list of ten actors who’d make a better Flash! (Cut to photos of Michael Cera, Jay Baruchel, Jeremy Jordan, Zac Efron, Dave Franco, Nick Slimmer, Cambell Dodson, Doug Yaun, Andrew Garfield and Shia LaBeouf as the first twenty-seven seconds of “Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays before cutting to James physically as James’ cell phone goes off) Hello! (Cut to Hell looking like a frozen rock cave as Satan is bundled up in Winter gear)

Satan (played by Paulo Fonseca):
Something you did cause it to freeze down here and the pilot light is going to take forever for me to light! So, what did you do? (Cut to James) 

TLOTA:I put Shia LaBeouf onto a list of actors who I wanted to be The Flash in the DCEU Movies! (Cut to Hell looking like a frozen rock cave as Satan is bundled up in Winter gear)

Satan (played by Paulo Fonseca):
JESUS CHRIST! YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO SEE SHIA LABEOUF IN A MOVIE?! No wonder the flames went out down here and the Third Reich are taking on the Liberals in a game of ice hockey on the River Styx oh what a check shot. The Hanson Brothers from “Slap Shot” would be proud of that! Gotta go, Hockey Brawl! (Cut back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Barry makes his usual trip to see his father Henry Allen played by Billy Crudup. Henry tells Barry to let him go. Meanwhile we’re introduced to Victor Stone AKA Cyborg played by Ray Fisher who is in hiding after what happened to make him the Cyborg. However back on Themyscira, Queen Hippolyta rides to find the mother box has awoken and Steppenwolf has come, and this is where Pants Should be darkening but when Decay from freaking “Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance” is more intimidating this is a level of fail that is in the same realm as Waterworld! But the Amazons get their Mother Box taken by Steppenwolf in an impressive action scene. Hippolyta decides to light the warning fire to get Diana into the fracas. Which she sees and then we cut to Lois Lane played again by Amy Adams who is as she was in “Batman v Superman” pretty much a worthless piece of existence as she is doing fluff pieces and (Doing a Ben Affleck “Batman” growling voice) MARTHA (Back to normal) played by Diane Lane as we discover she’s lost the farm and is living in a small apartment doing… I HAVE NO FRIGGIN’ CLUE! Meanwhile Cyborg finds the files about him found by Alfred and Bruce. Speaking of Bruce, he works on finding the frequency to harm Parademons, gets a visit by Diana and is told about Steppenwolf and the Mother Boxes and how the Atlanteans, Green Lanterns and other alien forces like Martians and Kryptonians, tribes of men, even the Greek Pantheon of Gods stop Steppenwolf and send him back separating the Mother Boxes. One entrusted by The Atlanteans who decided to sink their city to protect it, One to The Amazons who hid it on Themyscira, three were given to the Elves; immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings, seven, to the Dwarf Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine were gifted to the race of Men (A record scratch is heard before the movie cuts away to James physically)

TLOTA:
Eh, Whoops! I guess I’ve got Lord Of The Rings on the mind. We’ll be right back! (Fade to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cutting back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Realizing they have Days until Steppenwolf wipes the planet of all life quicker than that smelthead Barnacle King and his plans to destroy all life on this planet. The time has come to induct Barry and Cyborg into their League… (Show entire moment between Barry and Bruce as Barry asks what Bruce’s Superpower is and Bruce says he’s rich before cutting to James physically as he nurses a headache with Aspirin and Martinelli’s) 

TLOTA:
Bruce’s superpower is that he is rich. Not that he can be a better detective than Sherlock Holmes, not the fact he can have some deca-quadrillion contingencies to his deca-quadrillion contingency plans. It’s just that he’s rich! This feels like such bad writing even Zack Snyder, Joss Whedon and Chris Terrio wouldn’t approve of it unless OH MY GOD! ORAC, where are they?

ORAC (Audio only):
In the main lobby! (Dramatic music plays as James walks out of his office and through the secondary entrance to the main lobby before cutting to the group of Chart & Memo loving execs and their Lindsay Nagel leader played by Olivia Horvath in the main lobby standing united before cutting back to James.)

TLOTA:
YOU! (Cut to the C&M Execs)

L.N. Exec:
I see you found enjoyment in our memo forced rewrite. Originally Bruce was going to say something along the lines of him being an expert fighter and criminal investigator, but we realized he was Donald Trump I mean Lex Luthor sans the need to take over the world, so we realized his superpower was his money! (Cut to James.)

TLOTA:
Good Freaking Grief! I don’t have time to argue and deal with you just say whatever you want because you live in your own reality where Fluffy Happy Clouds and Flying Marshmallow pies are reality! (Cut to the C&M Execs)

L.N. Exec:
Well someone needs one of our memo enhanced moments! (Cut to the movie as the L.N. Exec does a voiceover)

L.N. Exec (Voiceover):
Like how Aquaman finally gets involved. By rescuing the sailor, it forces him back to Atlantis and thus putting into motion his character arc! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
AH! The key word “FORCE” that is what is wrong with the DCEU you are FORCING everything down people’s throats and forcing everything down the bad aftertaste in people’s mouth lasts a long, long, long time. The few times I watch women’s wrestling I still have a backwash of Eva Marie! Though the moment you described could’ve been nicer if Mera played by Amber Herd and Aquaman sounded more like normal humans. (Show clip between Mera and Aquaman before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
WOULD IT HAVE KILLED EITHER ONE TO PUT EMOTION INTO THEIR CONVERSATION?! Well emotion that isn’t forced? (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After obtaining the second box and setting up a base in Pozharnov in a Russian Nuclear Reactor because THAT’S AS SUBTLE AS AN M. NIGHT SHAYMALAN PLOT TWIST! A parademon kidnaps Victor’s father played by Joe Morton which gets Commissioner Gordon played by J.K. Simmons to summon Batman, Cyborg, The Flash and Wonder Woman to face the Parademons and Steppenwolf on Braxton island, the mid-point between Gotham and Metropolis! Just as the four are about to open a can of Whoop-Ass! Barry has a full on out Spaz attack! While the others fight The Flash gets the others to safety he finally does something of use by helping Wonder Woman regain her sword and get her away from the nightcrawler with “HILARITY” and when I mean “HILARITY” I mean such forced humor I felt like I was watching the latest outing of Happy Madison! Aquaman joins the fight after Cyborg nearly drowns the whole team and destroys ancient water ways! SMOOTH FRICKING MOVE EX-LAX! After such a full on out ass whipping, what’s the next move for our heroes? Have the Annoying Comic relief and Cyborg rob Superman’s grave, use Cyborg’s Mother Box and enough energy from the comic relief’s speed to revive one VERY, VERY PISSED OFF SUPERMAN! (Show clip of Superman attacking everyone and making Batman look like an idiot after Lois calms down Superman and the two fly off before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:Okay, which of you ASSHOLE ROCKET SKYENTISTS THOUGHT THAT WAS A SMARTY SMART WAY TO REINTRODUCE KAL-EL THE LAST SON OF KRYPTON?! (Cut to Half of the C&M Execs as the other half after being given the look to them by the Lindsay Nagel Head exec forces the other half to raise their hands before cutting to James as he buries his head in the couch and screams before cutting back to the movie.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After that moment, Steppenwolf grabs the last Mother Box, our team decide to go after Steppenwolf all the while Superman and Lois basically let each other know how much they’ve become soft or how they left each other hurt and now it’s up to both to make it right in their own way. Meanwhile Steppenwolf combine the three Mother Boxes which sends the signal where he is and our team decide they’re damned if they can do it with Superman and damned if they can’t do it with Superman and make their way to face him once and for all. (Show moment in which Aquaman talks honestly about the chances and himself and everything he wants to do until he realizes he’s sitting on the Lasso Of Truth before a muted Waa-Waa trumpet is heard and cut to James as he shrugs humorously before cutting to the movie and James does a voiceover) They make it to Pozharnov and Batman decides he’s going on the suicide run to take down the tower and knock down the shield dome as the others have the easy job of stopping Steppenwolf! Simple as PIE! Now I will give the movie this, the action is AWESOME! A lot of the fights are amazing, and it is possibly the best parts of the movie. But I digress the team makes it to Steppenwolf’s lair and as each one of them gets their backsides handed to them guess who comes to save their backsides while The Flash gets everyone out of the way. (Superman comes in to face Steppenwolf before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
And here is where things become for a lack of a better term Cartoonish and not in a good way! (Cut to the final fight and actions as well as the rest of the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The action between Steppenwolf and the Justice League is something SO incredibly cartoonish the only thing is missing is the comic effects and I don’t mean a ton of Onamonapias. I mean the type of effects that are so ridiculous that even awful cartoons on the Cartoon Network nowadays are ashamed to have them in it. But I digress, our heroes Separate the Mother Boxes, Stop Steppenwolf, Bruce basically saves the farm, everyone goes back to their old lives and the movie ends with a race between the Flash and Superman and “Lex Luthor” getting the Legion Of Doom together for the movie after they take down Darkseid in the next movie in post credit scenes because for them to take on an in-between battle before taking on Darkseid would be a Stupid move, You know a Marvel move! (Cut to the group of the C&M execs)

L.N. Exec:
That is a great idea, The Main event in the next Justice League! Thank you for setting up the next great DCEU movie (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
You idiots think that after sitting through this, I want to inspire the even more lackluster sequel? You believed I enjoyed this movie? (James walks over to the C&M execs bullhorn in hand) OF COURSE I DIDN’T LIKE THIS MOVIE! THIS MOVIE SUCKED!

(Cut to clips of “Justice League” as the Opening Music to “Justice League Unlimited” plays in the foreground as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This is the Bizzaro version of “Marvel’s The Avengers” every wrong decision “Avengers” didn’t do, This movie did! The Comedy was forced, most of the line delivery was so freaking stilted I’m surprised Tommy Wiseau didn’t help as an acting coach, most of what we wanted we didn’t get and what we got we didn’t like. What there is to like is very little, the acting for the most part, some of the writing, the way the team comes together without the team being forced into this by a cabal of a Government Agency but with the very little good that they did is instantly erased with five megatons of crap! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And anything you worthless lumps of space and time did added nothing but… (A loud and annoying voice saying “YOU STOP BEING A BULLY! YOU BULLY!” before cutting to a big head popping out of the crowd to reveal Cool Cat)

Cool Cat (Played in Suit by Steve Kidd but voiced by James Faraci):
Anytime you say something that is different and act the way you do, you are a bully. You and your friends Nostalgia Kid, I Hate Everything all of you are bullies even those who dislike Cool Cat and the messages I convey… (A female voice in the ether shouts “OH SHUT UP!” before cutting to the door behind James as Julia Alexa Miller and Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson walk to James)

Julia Alexa Miller:
I’ve seen your drivel and I found my intelligence being insulted with every second I watched! (Cut to Cool Cat)

Cool Cat:
What do you know? You’re being influenced by that bully! You can do better than being forced into doing his biding! (Cut to Julia, James and Deadpool)

Julia Alexa Miller:
I’m not influenced by him. (Julia Alexa Miller kisses on James’ lips)

Deadpool:
That’s Amore! And now comes the part when we go hacky slashy on some corporate ass and Cool Cat becomes Pussy Chimichangas! (James and Julia’s kiss ends as the version of Freebird used in “The Kingsmen: Secret Service” is played as James, Julia and Deadpool run in slow motion towards the camera before the camera pans to Cool Cat as he sees the three spear him before a brawl erupts in the Parking Lot outside of James’ studio as James fights the Male execs, Julia Alexa Miller fights the Female Execs and Deadpool gets the left overs from both groups in a single take fight sequence similar to “The Kingsmen: Secret Service” as James is thrown into a van and the camera holds onto the van as James and those inside talk we see an C&M Exec, Julia Alexa Miller, Deadpool and Cool Cat landing on the van)

TLOTA (Audio only):
Where have you guys been?

Paulo Fonseca (Audio only):
Getting reinforcements!

Rebecca Yaun (Audio only):
We saw this coming a mile away and knew who to contact!

TLOTA (Audio only):
Well don’t just sit there get into the fight! (James steps out of the van, Superman punches “Cool Cat” as Keith Inman, Jamietud, The Nostalgia Kid, Antoni Matei Garcia, The Last Angry Geek, Kirakennedy, Mike J, Keith Inman and James Walsh, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion, Olivia Horvath come running out of the van as Rowdy steps out of the van Cool Cat lands on the van again)

Cool Cat:
OH NO! ANOTHER BULLY!

Rowdy:
I’m not a bully, I’m an Internet Reviewer! NINJA CATS! STRIKE! (The Ninja cats attack Cool Cat as the single take battle continues as the fight gets out of hand eventually ending with and James fireman carries Cool Cat on top of the execs as they’re being shoved into a Dumpster as Deadpool tosses in a bundle of Dynamite into the dumpster and sits on top of it!)

Deadpool:
And BOOM goes the Dynamite! (The dumpster goes up as does Deadpool and as Deadpool goes up he looks at the audience)

Deadpool:
Before I land in the Shopping Cart, I just wanted to congratulate James Faraci The Last Of The Americans for busting his dick for five years straight to make such unbelievable entertainment. And by unbelievable entertainment, I can’t believe it’s real entertainment! But he’s doing incredible voodoo that he can do! So, make sure you celebrate his work and think about what he’s done and what he’ll continue to do as long as he can! Now if you’ll excuse me! (Deadpool shouts WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! As he goes hurdling down to the parking lot landing in the Shopping Cart as everyone is exhausted)

TLOTA (Exhausted):
Hey thanks you guys for helping me out! How about after we finish the clean up and celebration and clean up after that I schlep myself, Alex and Deadpool to the Hospital (Cut to everyone exhaustedly cheering before cutting to KiraKennedy)

KiraKennedy:
I brought cake! (Cut to Mike J)

Mike J:
Awesome, I hope it’s Carrot Cake. (Cut to Jamietud)

Jamietud:
I brought the drinks! (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid)

The Nostalgia Kid:
Good! (Cut to Ed Champion)

Ed Champion:
Happy Fifth Anniversary, did anyone bother to set up! (Cut to James Faraci)

TLOTA:
Already done Ed! (Cut to James Walsh)

James Walsh:
You constantly keep going, so glad you are part of the site.  (Cut to James Faraci)

TLOTA:
James, I’m just a tiny cog in the big clock of Manic-Expression.com (Cut to Paulo & Brenda Fonseca)

Paulo Fonseca:
James, we’ll clean up, you take Deadpool and Alex to the Hospital and we’ll clean up!

Brenda Fonseca:
Don’t argue and we’ll see you soon! (Cut to John & Mike Santos)

John Santos:
Doesn’t Deadpool have like regenerative powers?

Mike Santos:
I think so. (Cut to Olivia Horvath)

Olivia Horvath:
James, Go, you’ve earned the break! Let us finish setting up the Anniversary Party! (Cut to everyone as they say to James in one way or another “Leave” or “Go to the Hospital” before cutting to James, Alex and Deadpool)

TLOTA:
ALRIGHT! You don’t have to twist my arm. Can I say something to the audience? (The others all say “Yeah” in one way or another.) Thank you. You know I started Internet Reviewing to talk about the subjects I liked and to tear the ones I didn’t like. Then I found myself meeting so many people. I met Rowdy, I met The Nostalgia Kid, I met so many former Channel Awesome producers, James Walsh the man who gave me a break when Rowdy justifiably refocused his site to his projects and gave me a home at Manic-Expression.com and I am grateful that he has helped keep me going. I am grateful to Rowdy who gave me the first break in my career and most importantly of all, I am grateful to You! My Audience who keep checking this 36-year-old Internet Reviewer who works constantly on making everyone just get a good laugh from his views on movies and all things happening in the pop culture landscape and let him know, He’s not that bad a guy! Thank You all for keeping me going and I’ll keep on going Lord Willing and The Crick Don’t Rise for as Long as I humanly can. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and thank you for allowing me to express my opinion. (James holds the cart and carries Alex and they walk away before fading to black then fading back to after the celebration as James and Alex do a cleanup!)

TLOTA:
You know Alex, you didn’t have to stay behind. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she takes out the recycling bins)

Julia Alexa Miller:
I didn’t want to see you get stuck with a huge clean up at the end of the day! (Cut to James as he puts the vacuum cleaner away)

TLOTA:
I do it everyday at the end of the day. Even when I have a full schedule!

Julia Alexa Miller (Audio only):
You put too much on yourself. Hey James, I never got a chance to see the inside of your personal office. What’s this? (James has the look of someone who just pooped himself as he tries to run to stop her from reading the letter and James gets to his office as it is too late and the words on the letter glow and encompass her as a bright light shines and raises up then returns to the letter forcing Julia Alexa Miller back down to the floor and James grabs her before she lands on the floor and James tries to wake her up as a blast of energy exudes from Julia Alexa Miller’s eyes and mouth slamming James into the wall and the letter landing on him with the glass shattering on his head and James passes out then cutting to James on the couch waking up and the word screaming out of his mouth is “ALEX!” before James looks around and sees Olivia Horvath, Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion, John & Mike Santos, Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke are cleaning him up with Olivia cleaning James’ face.)

TLOTA:
Guys, Alex was here, she read the letter, where is it? (Cut to everyone looking nervous hoping not to either scare or piss off James before John hands James The Letter and sees it has been restored to normal.) How did I wind up on the couch?

Paulo Fonseca:
Steve found you. 

Nick Yaun:
That was after Steve had a run in with Alex after being dropped off. (Flashback effect and music plays as Julia Alexa Miller runs out afraid of what she has done and Steve Kidd bump into each other in the parking lot outside of James’ Studio.)

Steve Kidd:
Sorry, hey I recognize you. The Christmas Party! Steve Kidd and you are?

Julia Alexa Miller:
I… don’t…know. I JUST DON’T KNOW! (The shouting of the word “know” sends Steve flying and landing into the trash dumpster outside of James’ Studio before Julia Alexa Miller runs off in fear and the sound of tires screeching away before seeing Steve Kidd pull himself out of the Dumpster and shouts “OH MY GOD!” before Flashforward effect and music plays as it cuts to everyone on the couch.)

John Ross Santos:
Next thing he did was call us and we got you taken care of. Martinelli’s?

TLOTA:
Please.

Mike Santos:
And he left a message for us.

Andrew Beach:
Play it Ed.

(Ed Champion turns on the TV as it cuts to the screen on James’ TV)

Steve Kidd:
Hey James, by the time you see this, I’m going to be finding that girl for you. I have no idea where she might be or where I’m going but trust me I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re miserable. When I last saw her, she was heading west. I’m heading out that way, wish me the best of luck! If it works, you’ll be thanking me by the end of the year… I hope! (The message ends as it cuts to James and everyone else.)

TLOTA:
Well I wish him the best of luck heading out west…. Out…. WEST!?! OH, GOOD FREAKING GOD! (James hobbles as he tries and gets to his personal office and everyone follows him as 0:42-2:14 “New Glory” from Royalty Free Kings plays in the foreground.) ORAC! Send an e-mail to Alex! (James hobbles to his computer and shouts DAMN IT! As everyone else comes running after him.)

Renee Miller:
What’s wrong? (Cut to James as he gets to his seat and tries to make a call)

TLOTA:
I’ve got to stop him! (Cut to everyone else)

Team TLOTA (In Unison):
Who? (Cut to James on the phone)

TLOTA:
STEVE! (Cut to Steve Kidd on the bus)

Steve Kidd:
Hey James, don’t worry about a thing by this time next year you and that girl… (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Julia Alexa Miller (Cut to Steve)

Steve Kidd:
That’s her name? Anyway, I am going to fix this mess. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Steve there is no mess, right now she’s in Malibu California shooting photographs, filming “Life As A Mermaid” and working on producing “WitchHaven” leave her be. (Cut to Steve)

Steve Kidd:
Well, now I have a name a city and state, I’ll be letting you know how things go on my travels. Peace Out James! (Steve hangs up then the scene cuts to James shouts an even louder “DAMN IT!” before cutting to team TLOTA)

Rebecca Yaun:
James, do you mind telling us what’s going on? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
It’s Emmalina, it’s Alex, it’s everything now out of control! (Cut to team TLOTA)

Ed Champion:
Well, things can’t be that bad if it’s about an ex and someone who is now… Oh… OH…. OHHHHH! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Exactly Ed, Steve is about to make an impossible moment happen by turning a molehill into a mountain and I need to warn her. (Cut to everyone else)

Olivia Horvath:
James, why are you trying to warn her, it’s not like Steve know everything about what’s going on! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
But I’ve known him for a long time, he means well but usually if things can go wrong, WILL go wrong and Steve as well meaning as he is will be the accidental cause! I HAVE TO WARN HER AND THEM! (James tries to call and getting Alex’s phone’s Answering Machine as James tosses the phone back on the receiver and cutting to black)

Reality Checkout: Cutting "Shore"

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and possibly 99.Ad infinitum percent of every Italian on this PLANET and a lot of yours

and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Believe it or not I had this rolling around in my head ever since James Gandolfini had passed away. Originally I was going to ask whether or not the HBO drama "The Sopranos" were the worst thing to happen to New Jersey or Italians. Then I realized several things. One) "The Sopranos" whist set in New Jersey was as fictional as all get out, Two) I would be disrespecting Mr. Gandolfini's legacy by talking bad about his series and comparing it to what I'm about to talk about after I make my next point which leads to my final point, Three) This series is a bigger insult to Italians and New Jersey than "The Sopranos" EVER could be! (Cut to the opening credits of "Jersey Shore" then clips of the show as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Jersey Shore" focused on the lives of several young "Authentic Italians" from around the New York/New Jersey area who moved into a house on the New Jersey Shoreline and how they can blow a good portion of their week on being the biggest group of Idiotas as they could be! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And I put the words "Authentic Italians" in quotation because most of the cast are as Italian as Tequila soaked Macaroni! (Cut to clips of certain cast members as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
That's right, less than Half of these people are actually of Authentic Italian heritage. Deena Cortese, Paul DelVecchio, Vinny Guadagnino & Michael Sorrentino are from Italian heritage. Cast members Sammi Giancolo is of Greek and Italian Heritage, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro is of Puerto Rican and Italian heritage, Former Cast member Angelina Pivarnick is of Polish and Italian descent and of course two of the biggest names from this pile of rotten Tiramisu Jennifer Farley is of Italian & Spanish Heritage and Nicole Polizzi is Adopted from Chile to a pair of Italians who are from Marlboro New York. Yes, for those wondering I've never met nor do I know of the Polizzis. They live in the tail end of Ulster County. I am from Sullivan County. If I ever did meet or know of them personally I'd be living with the shame of knowing their daughter became as big as she did.

(Cut to clips of other Reality Shows starring stars from "Jersey Shore" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Nicole or "SNOOKI" as she became known, yeah a few of the cast members had colorful little nicknames like "Snooki" or "Pauly D" and they appeared on other series. Some focusing on their lives like "Snooki & Jwoww" as it shows the two becoming parents, A few of them appearing on shows like "Dancing With The Stars" or "The Celebrity Apprentice" (Cut to their appearance on "The Three Stooges" movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
They even appeared in a movie in which they become self-aware about their own show. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So wait, they know that their show is garbage, they know they're garbage...OH MY GOD! THE REALITY STARS ARE SENTIENT! THIS IS IT MAN! GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER! END IT! END IT NOW! (James rambles as everyone tries to restrain him before cutting to a black screen and the words "Two Hours Later" then cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
I apologize for my reaction, it was childish, immature and rather wrong of me but how'd you react to something like Reality Stars becoming self-aware of how bad they are? (Cut to more clips of "Jersey Shore" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And when a cast of a reality show becomes so self aware of what they're doing you know it'll be bad for the show. So much so, they did everything to keep the show fresh. Taking them out of their Jersey Shore house and summer job and make them go to Italy, New Orleans and other places until they wore their plausibility and when Snooki became pregnant, I think even MTV weren't interested or they wanted to get away from the stigma that this series was the only thing everyone was there to watch. The problem is that it was the train wreck that no one wanted to look away nor did they want to end. But end it they did only to prove that even if you think the bottom of the barrel by bringing in shows about Teen Parenthood and eventually a remake of it as Floridabama Shore and an even more eventuality a REBOOT! In which it shows a good Ninety-Eight Percent of the cast return to have their adults only vacation. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA:
Mio Dio! How can there be that many Deficientes that can have such fond memories of this show. The only memory I have of watching this for about five chronotrons before I had to stop my TV from committing Suicidio. I truly think that we need to see everyone involved needs to dai un'occhiata su!

(Cut to opening credits before seeing a pic of Deadpool as he finds the entire cast then slices and dices them with him stamping the words "CHECK THE HELL OUT!" in the Jersey Shore text before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Sono Giacomo Faraci L'ultimo degli americani e questa è la mia opinione!

To "Infinity War" & Beyond

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers Movie Power Rangers at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman  and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. This is a moment I never thought I’d never have to do. Not break the rules, I’ve done that a few times the past five years, but this is the moment in which I go after a Marvel Studios movie! (Cut to still of “Avengers: Infinity War” credit from the Trailer before cutting to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
“Avengers: Infinity War” is undoubtedly the most anticipated Marvel movie since the first “Avengers” movie six years ago. This is what every movie has been setting up even if it didn’t look like it. But will this be a case of so much hype making a movie into something too much even for its own good

TLOTA:
Let’s dive into “Avengers: Infinity War” and find out what if the Vision Tony had in “Age Of Ultron” happens or do we SOMEHOW survive! (Cut to the recreated movie as it shows a spaceship being followed by a ship that’s the size and length of “Spaceballs 1” before cutting into the cockpit of the bigger ship as we discover Cable on Thanos’ Throne James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As our movie begins we find Thor played by Chris Hemsworth Loki played by have the Tesseract and the survivors of the destruction of Asgard are on the run from the Lieutenants of… WAIT A SECOND! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
That’s not Thanos! Only one person I know would warp thing like this. DEADPOOL! (Cut to the interior of Thanos’ Spaceship as Cable is sitting in Thanos’ throne as Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson cartoonishly enters onto the ship)

Deadpool:
HOWDY HO! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Could you do me a favor and bring me Thanos? (Cut to Deadpool in Thanos’ Spaceship)

Deadpool:
But it’s the same actor. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
It maybe the same actor but it’s another character! NOW PUT THANOS BACK WHERE HE BELONGS, OR I WILL CALL THE DISNEY EXECS TO HAVE YOU SO DISNEY-FIED YOU WOULDN’T GET A FRACTION OF A SYLLABLE OF THE WORD CHIMICHANGA OUT OF YOUR CHIMICHANGA HOLE BEFORE YOU’LL WANT MARVEL TO CANCEL EVERY PROJECT INVOLVING YOU! (Cut to Deadpool and Cable)

Deadpool:
Fine, Come on! We’ll probably be a gigantic Number 2 under the anus of this one!

Cable (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
Probably right about that (Cable and Deadpool walk out as Thanos played by Eric Kurtzke takes his Throne back)

Thanos (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
Now let’s get the next Infinity Stone! (Cut to the console as his Lieutenants control the ship)

Ebony Maw (Played by John Santos), Cull Obsidian (Played by Mike Santos), Proxima Midnight (Played by Olivia Horvath) & Corvus Glave (Played by Andrew Beach)(in unison):
JAWOHL!  (Cut to Thor and Loki in the Asgardian Ship)

Thor (Played By Nick Yaun):
We must make it back to Earth. The other Avengers will help us protect the tesseract from Thanos.

Loki (Played by Nick Slimmer):
I think it’s best before we get back to Earth again I heard of this Thaddeus Ross. He implemented something called “The Sokovian Accords” The Avengers as you knew are gone!

Thor:
WHAT?!

Loki:
That’s what I said but unfortunately Humanity is sadly more known to celebrate their idiotic than their intelligent and regrettably these Sokovian Accords is now their planet’s epitaph.

Thor:
If only we had a cask of some of the finest drinks from Asgard! (Cut to the outside as Thor’s Ship is tractor beamed back to Thanos’ Ship before cutting to Thanos in the Ship Hold)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Thanos played by Josh Brolin grabs the Tesseract to get the Space Stone inside the Tesseract. The Hulk tries to attack but is overpowered but Heimdall uses The Bifrost to send The Hulk to earth, subdues Thor then kills Loki (Thanos snaps Loki’s neck)

Loki:
Why didn’t anyone tell me my ass was that huge?! (Loki drops dead)

Thanos:
Might as well as finish the rest of them off! (Thanos tosses Thor out of his sight as screams of death and pain are heard off screen and Thor crash lands on the Milano as it cuts to The Sanctum Sanctorum)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The Hulk crash lands in the Sanctum Sanctorum and reverts to being Bruce Banner played by Mark Ruffalo as he meets up with Doctor Strange played by Benedict Cumberbatch, Wong played by Benedict Wong (EL COINCIDANCE!) and Iron Man Tony Stark himself played by Robert Downey Jr.

Bruce Banner (Played by Andrew Beach):
We’re in trouble! What Loki did a few years ago in New York City was just the beginning! Thor found the real big bad we need to worry about. His name is Thanos and he is hot to kill anyone to get the Infinity Stones!

Tony Stark (Played by Chad Narducci):
Well now we need your stone Strange!

Doctor Strange (Played by Holden Weihs):
Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. (Another Crash happens)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Ebony Maw & Cull Obsidian land as Doctor Strange sends the Time Stone away thanks to an enchantment and captures Doctor Strange.

Tony Stark & Bruce Banner (In Unison at each other):
GOOD ONE ASSHOLE!

Bruce Banner:
Now we need to assemble the Avengers!

Tony Stark:
Bit of a Problem there pal signed something called The Sokovian Accords and now The Avengers are Persona Non Grata!

 (The recreated clips pause as Bruce has a look of wanting to kill Tony before Thunderbolt Ross played by Steve Kidd pops in!)

Thunderbolt Ross:
STOP! I AM THE HERO! I STOPPED THE SUPERPOWERS! I IS RIGHT TO STOP A HERO FROM PROTECTING! (Cut to James as he’s about to bang his head on the table whilst listening to an idiot who wouldn’t know Rat Poop from Rice Krispies before Wonder Woman stops him and calls for “ARCHERS!” as a flurry of images of Sterling Archer fly across the screen and Thunderbolt Ross screams “ARGH! FUNNY!” before Thunderbolt Ross shouts “I’LL RUN TOWARDS THEM, THEY HURT LESS THAT WAY! OWIE! I’VE GOT KETCHUP ON ME!” Off-Screen then cuts to James and Wonder Woman played by Rebecca Yaun.)

TLOTA:
Thanks Wonder Woman, but something tells me you and the league are gonna be busy dealing with plenty of trolls.

Wonder Woman:
Yeah, but here use this button to summon the archers when things become so dumb you need to bring them in to stop it, so intelligence may reign. Farewell James. (Wonder Woman walks away.)

TLOTA:
Thanks Wonder Woman (Cut back to the recreated clips as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile on the bonny bonny shores of Scotland, Wanda Maximoff played by Elizabeth Olsen and Vision played by Paul Bettany try to live a normal life in secrecy from the rest of the world when Proxima Midnight and Corvus Glaive attack them. But thankfully Steve Rogers played by Chris Evans, Black Widow aka Natasha Romanoff played by Scarlett Johansson, The Falcon played by Anthony Mackie rescue them and get the duo to the Avengers Compound where Banner and James Rhodes aka War Machine played by Don Cheadle discuss what is happening and Vision decides the only way to protect the others is to have the mind stone removed or destroyed in effect killing him when Steve thinks of a friend of his in Wakonda who thinks they can keep Vision alive.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Back in New York, Spider-Man comes in just as Tony Stark plans on going out into space to save Stephen Strange and Bruce gets Wong to contact Steve Rogers. Meanwhile in Space, The Guardians Of The Galaxy find and revive Thor and each side tells the other what they know by Thanos.

Peter Quill (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
Okay Thor, you take Rocket and Groot to where ever he needs to go. Gamora, Drax, Mantis we’re going after Thanos.

Groot (Voiced by Diego Torres Kuri):
I am Groot?

Rocket Racoon (Voiced by Seye Ogunnaike):
Yeah, I have no idea what’s going on either! (Gamora is taken off stage right before cutting to Thanos, forcibly try to drag Gamora and Nebula but wind up pulling out Amy Pond and Uhura on Vormir as James continues his voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Thanos kidnaps his adoptive daughters Gamora played by Zoe Saldana and her sister Nebula played by Karen Gillan and WAIT A SECOND! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
DEADPOOL! (Cut to the recreated movie as Deadpool comes screaming and falling into the movie then pops up)

Deadpool:
Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the outhouse! (Cut to James with a look that’d slaughter Serial Killers, Child Molesting Music Teachers and everyone on his Crap list before cutting to Deadpool)

Deadpool:
OKAY, judging by the look on your face, bring Gamora and Nebula back or I finally end up inside the shitter after you have a Yogurt, Metamucil and extra fiber cocktail with an enema chaser! (Cut to James with a look that’d slaughter Serial Killers, Child Molesting Music Teachers and everyone on his Crap list before cutting to Deadpool)

Deadpool:
I’d better step to it and hopefully stay on your good side! (Deadpool grabs Uhura and Amy Pond and places Gamora and Nebula back into place before running for his life and James gets back to his narration.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Thanos goes to Vormir where he and Gamora meet up with The Red Skull. After telling how to find the Soul Stone by sacrificing someone he loves. Sadly, it’s the one who has the hots for Star-Lord. (Thanos kills Gamora played by Brenda Fonseca. Peter, Drax played by James Faraci and Mantis played by Marcella DiPasqualle come in running and shooting as Thanos grabs the Soul Stone and Nebula then runs away and Peter holds Gamora’s lifeless corpse)

Peter Quill:
No! NO! NO! NO! Gamora, say something, Please Anything PLEASE! (Cut to reaction stills of everyone as they feel sad in one way or another as Peter cries to Gamora to not be dead before cutting to Peter Kissing Gamora’s dead lips before Peter shouts “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”) I WILL KILL THANOS MYSELF FOR WHAT HE DID TO HER! I AM NOT GONNA STOP UNTIL THANOS’S HEAD IS ON MY MANTLEPIECE!

Drax (Played by James Faraci):
Then we must get moving in order to not gonna stop and does the Milano have a Mantlepiece?

Peter Quill:
NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO PISS ME OFF DRAX! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So where are we on the how many are dead meter? (James slides over to the left as a meter as it shows the poster of “Avengers: Infinity War as is wobbles up and down with 2016 being on the low end and “The Day After” being on the high end with many different disasters both fictional and real and disaster movies) Okay so right now we’re hovering between what the nuclear holocaust will do and the movie “Independence Day” and it has not stabilized. This may take a while, we’ll be right back!

(James continues to look at the poster of “Avengers: Infinity War” as it fluctuates upwards somewhere past “Independence Day” and closer to “The Happening” before fading to black then cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to clips of the recreated movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Nebula escapes and meets up with Stark, Strange, Spider-man and the Guardians on Titan as Doctor Strange begs Thanos to spare Stark though why he does is beyond me! Tony Stark pretty much ended The Avengers with his John Hancock on the dotted line of The Sokovian Accords. But I digress, Thanos spares them but leaves them on Titan! Meanwhile in Wakonda Steve Rogers played by Chris Evans reunites with Bucky now free from The Winter Soldier and HYDRA’s influence just as Thanos and his forces invade! (Audio of an idiot shouting “STOP!” is heard as it cuts to James physically as he says, “Now What?” before cutting to a close up of Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross!)

Thaddeus Ross:
I WILL STOP THE EVIL THANATOS! HERE COMES THE HEROES! (Camera pulls back to see Thaddeus Ross on a kiddie tricycle as he comically rides into battle and plays a Calvary Charge on a Kazoo before cutting to James as he says, “This is gonna end well” as Thaddeus Ross says “WHEE!” off screen before cutting to see Thaddeus Ross stepping Toe to Toe with Thanos!)

Thaddeus Ross:
Okay there MENTOS! Get ready to meet the real freshmaker! I being the Real Hands Of Fate am goings to take you down! Prepare for death Manos! Get ready to return to the Ocean Manatees! (Cut to James as Thaddeus Ross continues to hype himself up off screen and James just sits there in dull wonder as to what is gonna happen before cutting to see Thaddeus Ross POKE Thanos in the Chest and Thanos just stands there!) YEAH! I WIN YOU DEAD AND SURRENEDERD TO ME! I IS A HERO! (Thaddeus Ross continues to taunt Thanos as he sings “I IS A CHAMPION!” in The Avengers Main Theme song style before cutting to James as he opens his mouth before cutting to Deadpool just walking in)

Deadpool:
James, don’t say a word. Thanos, please watch this clip and listen to Lloyd Christmas! (Deadpool grabs a theater screen as it comes down and the clip of “Dumb & Dumber” as Lloyd Christmas screams “OKAY KILL HIM!” plays before the screen pulls up and Thanos grabs Thaddeus Ross as Thanos snaps Thaddeus Ross’s neck and audio of everyone going “OOH!” before hearing the last words out of Thaddeus Ross’s mouth is “Ooh, I see my Hiney!” before collapsing dead) Wow, that looked painful!

Thanos:
Not as painful a death you will have!

Deadpool:
Whaddayamean?! (Cut to see Deadpool getting a wedgie while attached to a rocket as he futilely tries to stop the fuse to the rocket) You know something, if I ever DO make to the MCU for real instead of some idiot’s reenactment I am going to take Thor’s Maul and I am going to chop your ass into chopped meat for my Chimichangas I swear it, no matter if it takes a legal eternity! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME ASSHOLE! BOTH YOU AND THEN ONE DAY YOUR… (Deadpool screams “AAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!” as he is rocketed off screen and a DING is seen in the distance as he continues to scream “ASS!” before cutting to Steve Rogers played by Diego Torres Kuri and King T’Challa AKA The Black Panther played by Nick Markin leading an several team army squad ready to take on Thanos and his forces.)

Steve Rogers:
Your Highness, Time to fight!

The Black Panther:
WAKONDA FOREVER!

Every soldier:
WAKONDA FOREVER! (Everyone moves towards one another)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Now here’s where the movie did a real good job in making the action an entertaining part of the story and the battle goes well especially when Thor hits the scene with Stormbreaker and wounds Thanos but not enough to end him as Thanos gets the mind stone killing Vision and activates the Gauntlet.

Black Panther:
Shuri! Protect Wakonda! (Cut to Shuri played by Renee Miller as she hears the last “Wakonda Forever” from T’Challa and cries as Shuri looks out to see everyone dying)

Shuri (Played by Renee Miller):
Wakonda…Forever!

(Cut to Nick Fury played by Sean Taylor Simmons as he and agent Maria Hill played by Maria Feist watch the devastation and Nick sees Maria disintegrate.)

Nick Fury (Played by Sean Taylor Simmons):
Oh Hell no! Time to bring her back… (Nick Fury disintegrates as it cuts to Titan as Stephen Strange disintegrates and Tony Stark cries now holds a disintegrating Spider-Man as Spider-Man says “I don’t want to go” before he disintegrates and Tony shouts “NO!” as the camera zooms out to the universe as a wave wipes out half of all life before cutting to a screen with a star on a red and blue background before it flickers to a still with three stars on a red and blue background before the camera zooms back to see the words “To Be Continued” next to the stars before seeing the number 2019 under the words “To Be Continued” before cutting to James physically as he feels the ground shaking.)

TLOTA:
ORAC, please open the sky light! (A Sky Light Opens and a whistling sound is heard before seeing the poster for “Avengers: Infinity War” rocket past the moon before cutting to James) Well congrats “Avengers: Infinity War” You officially have more deaths than “The Day After” Kudos! (Cut to clips of the recreated movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity War lives up to what it promised and more so. The acting is top notch, the battles are ALWAYS amazing fun and I truly did enjoy watching this. But that doesn’t mean it is flawless. A lot of the character interaction aren’t as well written. There were moments where things dragged on a little too long for my taste and I felt I only got half the story, but these are just minor hiccups to the movie.  If the first “Guardians Of The Galaxy” is the Star Wars of the MCU, This is the “Empire Strikes Back” of the MCU and that’s it’s biggest strength and biggest flaw because now the stakes for the future of the MCU releases to top Avengers Infinity War and if history has proven you can’t please everyone every time. Aside from that Overall I do find it worthy of checking out in theaters, on Blu-ray, DVD and Digital Download. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The… (Falling Whistling sound is heard as something lands and leaves James’ reviewing desk a smoldering crater!) Now what?! (James looks and sees Deadpool and James helps Deadpool up)

TLOTA:
Deadpool, You okay there, dude? (Deadpool flips James off pulls something out of his pants, smacks James silly with it drops it on the floor before walking away with James picking up what Deadpool dropped before cutting to James’ hand holding the Justice League Blu-Ray combo before cutting to James looking into the camera)

TLOTA:
Wish I was killed with the half of the Universe that was decimated!