James Faraci The Last Of The Americans

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

The top 10 funniest fights in Entertainment

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours. Great entertainment definitely needs the following. Great performances, Great writing, direction, scenery and everything else but sometimes ya gotta slug it out! (Cut to clips of the TGWTG.com Anniversary Brawl while James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And sometimes those slugfest slobber knockers can get silly and for this list I'm counting down which of these left me gasping for air in laughter in a pool of my own urine and I'm including fights from TV, Movies, Internet Videos they're all there! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: So get ready to rumble until you laugh your backside off, these are the top 10 funniest fights in Entertainment.

(Cut to images and sounds from "The Three Stooges" shorts synchronized fully to "Gonna Fly Now" from "Rocky" as the words "The Top Ten Funniest Fights in Entertainment" is shown and plays as the number is show and James does a voiceover the clips mentioned in this part of the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Ten

10) Rocky Balboa vs Thunderlips from Rocky III

TLOTA (Voiceover): There's a reason it tops my "Ridiculous Rocky Moments" list but comes at the bottom of this list, it took itself too seriously. For those who missed that list, here's the gist of the moment Rocky played by Sylvester Stallone decides to take on Pro-Wrestling Champ Thunderlips played by Hulk Hogan for a charity match. The funniest lines come out of Hulk Hogan and the fact I can quote all of the lines in that scene verbatim I know which ones were meant to be funny and which ones were meant to be seriously which unfortunately puts it in the bottom of the list.

(Cut to images and sounds from "The Three Stooges" shorts synchronized fully to "Gonna Fly Now" from "Rocky" and plays as the number is show and James does a voiceover the clips mentioned in this part of the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Nine

9) All of the best brawls of "The Three Stooges"shorts

TLOTA (Voiceover): Whether they're attacking each other or a group of bad guys these guys know how to take and dish out the slapstick fighting moves like no one else. Some of my favorites have the trio taking on gangsters and once in a while the threesome takes each other on and most of the time they wind up either getting their butts kicked or wind up beating the bad guys stupid these brawls are entertaining and legendary for a reason. They're available on DVD but save your money if the shorts with Joe Besser is a part of the collection.

(Cut to images and sounds from "The Three Stooges" shorts synchronized fully to "Gonna Fly Now" from "Rocky" and plays as the number is show and James does a voiceover the clips mentioned in this part of the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Eight

8) Borat vs Azamat from "Borat"

TLOTA (Voiceover): The contentious relationship between Borat played by Sacha Baron Cohen and Azamat played by Ken Davitan really came to a head when the duo stop off at a hotel on their way to California. Azamat finds Borat's "Baywatch" book and then the two come to blows Buck ass nude and not only do the two trash the hotel room they're staying at, not only does Borat use the Camera as a weapon, the two of them make their way to a convention about some political fundraiser and the two continue their fight in the nude in the same hotel trying to kill each other as the convention is going on. That is gross out improv comedy 101!

(Cut to images and sounds from "The Three Stooges" shorts synchronized fully to "Gonna Fly Now" from "Rocky" and plays as the number is show and James does a voiceover the clips mentioned in this part of the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Seven

7) The Newscaster Battle Royale from "Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy"

TLOTA (Voiceover): With Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell & David Koechner playing Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Brick Tamland and Champ Kind and Vince Vaughn and his group of fellow news anchors and cameos from Ben Stiller, Luke Wilson, Tim Robbins and groups of anchors the whole bunch of them go at it while throwing every reference. At one point Brick Tamland kills a guy with a trident! While in comparison the sequel tried to up the ante in terms of the brawl it lacked the intensity of the first brawl and that's why The Newscaster Battle Royale from the first "Anchorman" movie makes it worthy of being on my list.

(Cut to images and sounds from "The Three Stooges" shorts synchronized fully to "Gonna Fly Now" from "Rocky" and plays as the number is show and James does a voiceover the clips mentioned in this part of the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number six

6) The Nostalgia Critic vs The Angry Video Game Nerd "Final Battle"

TLOTA (Voiceover): This one I had to put here because the brawl and the references in it make it funnier than the jokes that were in this and that's not to say the jokes were bad but not that good. Even though they hit each other with everything including the Kitchen sink it does end in a draw and eventually in "To Boldly Flee" they do make peace but this brawl was too good not to put in here!

(Cut to images and sounds from "The Three Stooges" shorts synchronized fully to "Gonna Fly Now" from "Rocky"and plays as the number is show and James does a voiceover the clips mentioned in this part of the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Five

5) Tony Stark vs James Rhodes from "Iron Man 2"

TLOTA (Voiceover): I could've put a lot of brawls from The Marvel cinematic universe but this one tops it for me! With Tony Stark alias Iron Man knowing he's on the verge of death he decides to go bonkers and party like a socialite with a Reality TV show and with Rhodey's career on the line. Rhodey goes to the garage and hijack the Mark II armor and I don't know what makes it funny, the dialogue between Stark & Rhodes, the music, the fact it went on for so long it became so serious by the end but even though it remained humorous throughout the majority of it and makes it worth being on this list.

(Cut to images and sounds from "The Three Stooges" shorts synchronized fully to "Gonna Fly Now" from "Rocky" and plays as the number is show and James does a voiceover the clips mentioned in this part of the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Four

4) Batman & Robin vs The Joker, Riddler, Penguin and the thugs from "Batman: The Movie" (1966)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This one was chock full of onomatopoeias, crazy flying leaps, kicks and punches and all the while the one liners are flying and everyone is laughing like there is no tomorrow while everyone watches. Even Frank Gorshin who tried to hit Adam West in one scene and accidentally hit the sub busting up his hand and I'm not joking listen to the commentary on the DVD it actually happened the laughter just comes as this fight continues and while Batman & Robin come out victorious

(Cut to images and sounds from "The Three Stooges" shorts synchronized fully to "Gonna Fly Now" from "Rocky" and plays as the number is show and James does a voiceover the clips mentioned in this part of the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Three

3) The ending brawl of "Blazing Saddles"

TLOTA (Voiceover): This Brawl is the denouement of the movie. It had the citizens of Rock Ridge shouting "No More taking bullshit lying down". With the bad guys on the run the entire town decided to open a keg of Whoop-Ass! But what makes it on the list is when the fight breaks out into Warner Bros. Studio. That's right it breaks out of Rock Ridge and spills out all over the Warner Brothers lot. It gets into a musical number directed by Dom DeLuise, the commissary of Warner Brothers it gets out of hand and it is so FREAKING Hilarious but why isn't it at the number one spot, well it has a great amount of people rampaging and the humor is spot on but I found two better.

(Cut to images and sounds from "The Three Stooges" shorts synchronized fully to "Gonna Fly Now" from "Rocky" and plays as the number is show and James does a voiceover the clips mentioned in this part of the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Two

2) Dr. Insano vs The Nostalgia Critic from "Kickassia"

TLOTA (Voiceover): This was one of the better moments in the movie especially seeing as how I'm certain this thing was intentionally meant to be bad but in a funny way but this was the cream of the crop of the funny moments in this thing especially when everyone decides to have Spoony become Insano to drop the Nostalgia Critic who is mad with power at this point seeing as how he believes he is the ruler of the acre sized area he renamed Kickassia and the two duke it out to either free or enslave Kickassia even further but eventually it ends in a stalemate after The Nostalgia Critic kills Santa Christ. But I got a chuckle out of it and makes it worthy of being Number two on my list.

(Cut to images and sounds from "The Three Stooges" shorts synchronized fully to "Gonna Fly Now" from "Rocky" and plays as the number is show and James does a voiceover the clips mentioned in this part of the countdown)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And the number one funniest fight in entertainment is...

1) Donovan vs. Dusty from "The Apple Dumpling Gang"

TLOTA (Voiceover): If you haven't seen this movie, I HIGHLY recommend it! There are great performances by Bill Bixby, Susan Clark, Harry Morgan, Slim Pickens, Tim Conway & Don Knotts. But the cherry on the top of the Sundae comes after Donovan marries Dusty to help ensure that Celia, Clovis and Bobby Bradley has a good guardian so he can get to New Orleans without a problem. But literally minutes after getting married the kids and Dusty celebrate by getting a few snacks and Dusty gets a surprise as a Bed she was looking at was bought by her newlywed husband. Whoops! (Show clip of Dusty getting angry and then trying to beat the tar out of Donovan while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA: Throughout at least 99 & 9/10ths percent in this brawl Donovan is on the run and Dusty is a one woman hurricane going through the bar over a bed!

Donovan: That's it, A Bed?

Dusty: YES! (Donovan holds her hands away from him)

Donovan: The bed happens to be for the kids Dusty. With the nights getting colder they'll need a warmer place to sleep, So I bought the Brass bed for the boys and the smaller bed is for CELIA!

Dusty (Sweetly): Well why didn't you say so in the first place, then we could've avoided this little misunderstanding! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And those were the top ten funniest fights in entertainment. If you got a chuckle out of what I've done then I will admit to doing a great service today by making people laugh. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion, next time is my anniversary review and everyone at Team The Last Of The Americans have to get ready for it! !(Cut to obvious green screened shot of James in Grey Sweats as he runs in place with his associates running alongside him while "Gonna Fly Now" plays in the background and cut to the actual steps outside the museum as the camera angles perfectly to show the statue as James and his associates runs up the steps and does the pose of the statue with the statue in the foreground.)

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Rowdy, The Last Of The Americans and a bunch of "Fox Kids" Co-Written by Chris Lee Moore "The Rowdy Reviewer"

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2014 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James getting hit with an uppercut by Trina Mason to James punching Dr. Plotsz, to Paulo & Rebecca Fonseca saying Groovy, to James and Rowdy running into the Happy Madison crowd, to James’ eyes turning white with blue streaks of lightning coming out of them, to James taking on the wicked then culminating in the moment when Lea Michele reveals herself to be a vampire and zooming into James’ screaming mouth until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James right hand comes out of the dark holding a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John & Mike Santos and The Rowdy Reviewer on his right and Rebecca Fonseca, Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to the front door of the office)

TLOTA (Audio as he zooms past the Camera): HO BOY! HO BOY! HO JOY! (Cut to James tossing his backpack off his shoulder and over the couch)

TLOTA (excited beyond reproach and looking like he did in the 1990’s): YES! YES! YES! DON’T LET IT START YET! DON’T LET IT START YET! DON’T LET IT START YET!

Rebecca (Audio): James, Just so you are aware you are Uno Loco Bastarda! (Cut to Paulo & Rebecca Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke standing at the front door looking like they did in the 1990’s)

Rebecca: We look freaking ridiculous!

Eric: I never wore clothes like this, it is totally illogical for me to dress like this!

Renee: Yeah James, I will do certain things for you but looking this freaking ridiculous is where I draw the line!

John Santos: I don’t know, I kind of like this!

Mike Santos: You would!

Paulo: Besides even I think this stuff is stupid. (Cut to James on the couch sliding over to his right)

TLOTA: You guys don’t understand it is all part of the experience. We all act like we got home, Put our belongings down, grab a bite to eat and get ready to relax in front of the TV.

(Rowdy, wearing a t-shirt that says “Ballpark in Arlington’s First Opening Day: April 11, 1994,” pops in on to the couch from out of nowhere via Jeannie blink)

Rowdy: OK, I’m here. What’s this about “Nostalgia Block Party – Bring your 90s cred?”

TLOTA: What, you thought I was going to leave you out of this, C’mon it’ll be fun!

Rowdy: What will be fun?

TLOTA: Fox Kids!

Rowdy: Seriously? You dragged me from The Dallas/Fort Worth/Arlington area of Texas for that? Okay, I’ll join ya.

TLOTA: Cool! (Cut to everyone else)

Renee Miller: Uh The Real question is….

Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, John & Mike Santos: How did he get here? (Cut to James and Rowdy on the couch)

Rowdy: Jeannie Express! (Cut to Renee, Eric, John and Mike having inquisitive looks on their faces as Paulo and Rebecca are slightly frustrated.)

Paulo: The dork has got A GENIE!

Rebecca: And he only uses her to save money on travel expenses.

Rowdy: And to miniaturize people who question my motives. (Glares threateningly at Paulo & Rebecca before cutting to everyone else)

Paulo and Rebecca Fonseca: We’ll stop talking now. (Cut to James and Rowdy on the couch)

Rowdy: Good!

TLOTA: But you know what? Something feels off. Hey The 1990’s Kid! You mind giving my associate a 1990’s overhaul (Cut to The 1990’s Kid played by Rebecca’s Fiancé Nick.)

The 1990’s Kid: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE IT’D BE MY PLEASURE! I DID THE BANG UP JOB ON EVERYONE ELSE ESPECIALLY REBECCA AND NOW SHE’S SO HOT I’D TOTALLY BANG HER LIKE A DRUM…! (Cut to an hour later with James and everyone on the couch in the lobby.)

TLOTA: What I think everyone here has forgotten is that like “The Disney Afternoon”, “Fox Kids” was a warm welcome after both a hard and a good day at School and a perfect wakeup call on Saturday Mornings for those who weren’t into what ABC, CBS & NBC had to offer. So if everyone is done cleaning up the mess from Rebecca’s sudden desire to beat the cousin of the actual ‘90’s kid into hamburger.

Rebecca: I’m going to be married, I don’t think men should be looking at me as if they have a chance.

Everyone else except TLOTA & Rebecca: We’re good!

TLOTA: Let’s get started. (Cut to opening credit to the “Fox Kids” intro, then to James air conducting the music before cutting back to the intro of “Fox Kids” and then clips of “Fox Kids” shows with James and Rowdy doing voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voice over): In 1990 the same year “The Disney Afternoon” got into full swing The Fox Network decided to get in on board by making their own kid friendly daytime and Saturday Morning line-up with original programming. Some of what they had to offer was amazing, some not so much.

Rowdy (Voice over): And as I have said in the past by the time “The Disney Afternoon” in 1990, the renaissance in Animation was in full swing and I’m hoping what some of what Fox Kids has to offer is good. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

TLOTA: Well I think you might like one of the first offerings “Fox Kids” had to offer with “Bobby’s World” (Cut to the opening credit of “Bobby’s World” then cut to clips of “Bobby’s World” with Rowdy and James doing voiceovers)

Rowdy(Voice over): It should be stated that “Film Roman” who also was producing “Garfield and Friends” at the time worked with Howie Mandel and his character Bobby from his stand-up routine to make this series happen and is it me or is Uncle Ted reminiscent of someone. (Show clips of Uncle Ted before James does his voice over)

TLOTA (voice over): Well he does sound like John Candy but I don’t think Tino Insana the voice actor for Uncle Ted had John Candy on the brain when he came up with Uncle Ted and you cannot tell me that the fantasy sequences Bobby had weren’t the same as most of us when we were Bobby’s age. (Show clips of Bobby’s fantasies before cutting to James and everyone on the couch taking a deep breath and going Yeah or saying yes in one way or another before cutting back to clips of the show with Rowdy and James doing voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voice over): Needless to say I can see why it is remembered as fondly as it is.

TLOTA (Voice over): But another show that was on around the same time as less as remembered though it shouldn’t be. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

Rebecca: Which show was that?

TLOTA: Fox’s Peter Pan & The Pirates (Cut to opening credit of “Fox’s Peter Pan & The Pirates” then cut to clips of the show with Rowdy and James doing voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voice over): What can be said about this series The Nostalgia Critic didn’t say in his “Top Eleven Animated Nostalgic TV Shows” It really was put together well, so well in fact when it came to a pilot episode, everyone said “Pilot Episode, Schmilot Episode” You can tell a lot of effort was put into it, making it closest to the original J.M. Barrie story more so than the Disney movie.

TLOTA (Voice over): It doesn’t hurt that one of the best actors to portray Captain Hook in this series as well. (Show clips of “Peter Pan & The Pirates” of Captain Hook performed by Tim Curry being intercut with audio of “Rocky Horror Picture Show” as his character Frank-N-Furter as well as Daniel “Rooster” Hannigan from the 1980’s version of “Annie”, Wadsworth The Butler from “Clue” saying “Communism was just a Red Herring”, An audio clip of “King” Chicken from “Duckman” giving his backstory, Pennywise from “IT”, Dragaunus from “The Mighty Ducks” and Nigel Thornberry in “The Wild Thornberrys” before James resumes his voice over) That’s right, Tim Curry is Captain Hook in this series and I swear there cannot be anyone who can be as incredibly amazing as Captain Hook. (Show clip of Christopher Walken being Christopher Walken being Captain Hook in NBC’s “Peter Pan Live” before cutting to everyone on the couch.)

Everyone: Oh yeah, forgot about him.

Rowdy: Either way, you still gotta hand it to Curry that this was MUCH better than a certain other villain role he had in the 90s… (Cut to Clip of Kilokahn from “Superhuman Samurai Syber Squad” for five seconds before cutting back to everyone on the couch) Yeah… THAT. (Cut to clips of Peter Pan and the Pirates with Rowdy and James doing voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voice over): Regardless, it goes without saying that this series was awesome and its effort was not wasted!

TLOTA (Voice over): Just like the next series we’re going to talk about! (Cut to opening credits of Tom & Jerry Kids before cutting to everyone on the couch.)

Rowdy: Ho boy, figures I’d have to talk about this series. (Cut to clips of Tom And Jerry Kids with Rowdy and James doing voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): This one has been on my to-review list for a long time! But in all fairness, there has been a reason why I have yet to do this series. There isn’t really much to say about it except that it was Hanna-Barbera’s attempt at making Tom And Jerry seem palatable to a younger audience when all is said and done it wasn’t their best work.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Dude, that was harsh I mean yeah it wasn’t as good as the classic shorts but at least this series tried to re-capture the feel of it and besides we had more than just the shorts featuring Tom with a Baseball cap and Jerry wearing a bowtie because, even back then Bowties were cool. We had plenty of other shorts like from… (Cut to intro in which it plays “Well there’s Spike & Tyke, Droopy and Dripple” before cutting to everyone on the couch.)

TLOTA: Okay Spike & Tyke I knew about, Droopy, I knew about but who’s Dripple? (Cut to clips of Droopy and Dripple and then the other shorts with James and Rowdy doing voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Seriously I had very little idea until I discovered on-line so take this information with a grain of salt that Dripple is in fact Droopy’s son! Yeah, we’re told that he is in fact Droopy’s son in every short they’re in. But despite the lack of serious explanation about certain things I actually found this series a load of laughs and entertaining as all get out.

Rowdy (Voiceover): Well, I’m glad you enjoyed this series but something tells me there had to be, HAD TO BE something better even though Hanna-Barbera was on its last legs. (Cut to intro of “Pirates Of Dark Water.” Then cutting to Ash in “Army Of Darkness” shouting “YEAAH BAAABY!” before cutting to clips of the series with James and Rowdy doing voiceovers.)

TLOTA (voiceover): Is this more to your liking?

Rowdy: Though technically going to ABC after the five part pilot was seen, it still counts as something on “Fox Kids” and yeah it is more to my liking. This was something original and had effort put into the story and the characters like Ren the Prince of this Alien world called Mer, A Monkey Bird hybrid that missed being in “The Wuzzles” by I think a few years named Niddler, a pirate who eventually forms a bond with Ren called Ioz and a bar maiden who happens to be a practitioner of magical arts! (Show clips of Tula using Magic before cutting to everyone on the couch.)

TLOTA: Hey Rebecca can you do anything like that?

Rowdy: How about you Renee?

Renee: Well I placed a hex on Rusev so he’d lose to John Cena at Wrestlemania!

Rebecca: I can make men in metal suits get so hot they can cook popcorn on their chest piece!

Paulo: Rebecca, please I’m right next to you.

Rebecca: And make my brother feel uncomfortable in the process!

TLOTA & Rowdy (In Unison): You not even trying! (Cut to clips of “Pirates Of Dark Water” while Rowdy & James do voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): Needless to say this show was amazing in all aspects from animation to voice acting to character use.

TLOTA (Voiceover): But surely we need something a little more lighthearted that even we all like. (Cut to opening credits of “Tiny Toon Adventures” then clips of the show while Rowdy & James do voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): NOW WE’RE TALKING! THIS is what “Tom & Jerry Kids” should’ve been like. “Tiny Toon Adventures!” The show that STARTED Warner’s run of amazing animated shows in the 90s! With the backing of Steven Spielberg himself, Warner Brothers Animation Studios took the classic Looney Tunes characters teaching cartoon lessons to younger modern versions of themselves like Babs & Buster Bunny(No Relation), Plucky Duck, Hamton Pig, Furball & Sweetie, Gogo Dodo, Calamity Coyote & Little Beeper, Byron Basset, Bookworm, Li’l Sneezer, Concord Condor, Dizzy Devil even Montana Max and probably the most disliked animated character of all time Elmyra Duff seems to be likable in this series. When there was were single focused episodes you could tell they were good. When they did short cartoons with a wraparound narrative or just shorts that didn’t need that were funny as all get out! THIS is how you re-package the Looney Tunes characters for the next generation. Unlike some OTHER shows that need not be mentioned... (Cut to promotional photo of Loonatics Unleashed before cutting back to clips of Tiny Toon Adventures)

TLOTA (Voiceover): No disagreements here. I absolutely love the effort used on this series and the fact it won seven Daytime Emmys is nothing to sneeze at and the fact the people who worked were seasoned veterans that had a lot of great ideas that really felt genuine to both the kids who love the new characters and to the adults who enjoyed the Looney Tunes and somewhere in the middle everyone enjoyed a lot of what this show had to offer as did the show that succeeded it. (Cut to opening credits of “Animaniacs” then cut to the scene of “Avatar: The Last Airbender” with that cheering crowd and the one screaming for so long he foams at the mouth before cutting to clips of “Animaniacs” while Rowdy & James do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover): There is a reason why “Animaniacs” is near the top of the Nostalgia Critic’s list of Top Animated Nostalgic series and it is easy to know why. Great animation, great writing, great music and of course it takes the cake when it comes to the voice actors.

Rowdy (Voiceover): Then of course there was the characters from the show. As I said in my “Pinky, Elmyra and The Brain” review what was funny about those shorts was of course when either Pinky or The Brain do something to self-sabotage their plans of world domination.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Then there’s Slappy Squirrel after watching her shorts especially “Critical Condition” it’s no wonder she made your top ten TV snarks.

Rowdy (Voiceover): But I’m sure you liked these birds! (Show clips of “The Goodfeathers” shorts before cutting to everyone on the couch.)

TLOTA: What are ya saying? Are you saying because I’m an Italian that I’d automatically like the imitations of Joe Pesci, Ray Liotta and Robert DeNiro? That you think that I as a New Yorker would be like these characters even though we’re nowhere NEAR New York City and the Five Burroughs, IS That what you were saying?

Rowdy: No! No! I’m not saying that, I’m saying you might’ve liked it because you’re nothing like them and to you they’d be the type of characters you’d laugh at.

TLOTA: I am nothing like “The Goodfeathers”. Oh, Okay, I got it now. (Cut to clips of Animaniacs while Rowdy does a voiceover.)

Rowdy (Voiceover): All we can add to what the Nostalgia Critic has said is that with all the shows it’s a classic that can never be duplicated at all. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

John Santos: Well, just so you’re all aware I know who the Nostalgia Critic is and I never saw that “Animated Nostalgic shows” and I have to ask what topped it?

TLOTA: Well John I’m glad you asked because it just so happens to be the first DC Comic Book properties made amazingly awesome. (Cut to end of the 1990’s Batman Animated series opening credits then to clips of “Batman The Animated Series” while Rowdy and James do voiceovers.)

Rowdy (Voiceover): NOW we’re really getting into the great material that made Fox Kids amazing. “Batman The Animated Series” under the direction of Bruce Timm & Paul Dini took advantage of the Popularity of the Tim Burton movies featuring The Dark Knight and used it to create great episodes that felt like it came from the source material.

TLOTA (Voiceover): I agree and to say they made Batman and his gallery of Rogues interesting in probably the understatement of the century. I mean they took the backstories of some of the goofier villains like Mr. Freeze and turned them into Greek Tragedies and those led to amazing stories like with the two part “Two-Face” episode before then we saw Harvey Dent the D.A. and how he was a good guy but when the two parter that made Harvey Dent into Two-Face that moment where he added what happened to him and his parents still one of the most gut wrenching moments in the show’s history. And it goes without saying that this moment still resonates with Batman shouts this out. (Show clip of Batman saying “I AM Vengeance! I AM THE KNIGHT! I…AM…BATMAN!” before cutting to everyone on the couch.)

TLOTA (With a lowered resonance in his voice): Yowza! Hey did everyone hear me say “Yowza!”?

Rowdy (With a lowered resonance in his voice): I think we all sound like you now after hearing that. (Everyone else speaks with a lowered resonance in their voices all say either “Yep” or “Oh Yeah” or “Absolutely” before cutting back to clips of “Batman The Animated series” with Rowdy and James sounding normally and doing voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): It goes without saying that this was one of the highlights in the renaissance of animation.

TLOTA (Voiceover): But that’s nothing because even though this series was one of DC’s highlights of the 1990’s that didn’t mean the next series in this programming block which was DC’s competition comic book wise didn’t mean what they had to offer had to be considered second class. (Cut to the opening credits of X-MEN The animated series then to clips of X-MEN while Rowdy and James do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover): X-MEN was definitely dark and gritty as Batman The Animated Series but it also had its “Fred Wolf” Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles moments. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

Rowdy: “Fred Wolf” Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles moments?

TLOTA: Well, take a look at all the moments featuring Jubilee. (Cut to clips of Jubilee being Jubilee before cutting back to everyone on the couch going oh yeah and agreeing with what James said before cutting to the clips of X-MEN while Rowdy & James do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover): What was particularly great was its soap operatic feel especially with the sagas it would have. I still cry at the end of both The Phoenix Saga and The Dark Phoenix Saga. Plus the episodes that could’ve been considered filler were as amazing as they were great social allegories like with the episode “Beauty and The Beast” in which Beast played by George Buza was able to cure a woman’s blindness and yet while she could see the gentle soul inside of him, Her dad didn’t like the fact that he’s a mutant but when a group of Anti-Mutant Human racists kidnap the girl it’s up to Wolverine played by Cathal J. Dodd who I think is the better Wolverine even better than Hugh Jackman or Steve Blum in my opinion to discover A) The leader of the Anti-Mutant Human Racist Group is in fact the son of a mutant and B) Stop an impassioned Beast from going into them and going to turn them into Anti-Mutant Human Shish-ka-Bobs for hurting the girl.

Rowdy (Voiceover): And Holy Moly was the animation great. Not just in the beginning of the show’s run, it actually looks better as the series progresses and when I check out an episode now a days I find myself whenever I feel like watching an episode I see how it looks better than the series that came after this X-Men Series but I think I’ll hold off on reviewing that series for my own show.

TLOTA (Voiceover): But wait Marvel wasn’t done yet as they were able to mix traditional 2-D Animation with Computer Generated animation semi-flawlessly in their next series. (Cut to opening credits of “Spider-Man” 1990’s series before cutting to everyone on the couch.)

Eric Kurtzke: Wait, I thought you didn’t like Spider-Man.

TLOTA: Well, this was before the Sam Raimi movies and all the bad decisions that made me turn against the Web-Head. (Cut to clips of the 1990’s Spider-Man series while Rowdy and James do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This was when Spidey was semi responsible and he knew it and reminded himself of it constantly and the villains were the reminder of his mistakes, plus this was the first time that every villain was a legitimate threat plus The way they Introduced The Kingpin was amazing. I had heard about him but then came Roscoe Lee Browne’s voice. (Cut to clips of Kingpin being menacing before Rowdy does his voiceover)

Rowdy (Voiceover): But lest we forget about the sagas. From The Alien Costume three parter, The Neogenic Nightmare saga, The Sins Of The Father saga, The Partners In Danger Saga, The Six Forgotten Warriors Saga and finally The Secret Wars/Spider Wars sagas all of them were interconnected and all of them did everything in their power to make the series as soap operatic as X-MEN was especially when all the episodes of both shows were directed by the same guy.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Oh wow didn’t know that about both series but what else they had somewhat in common was Ron Wasserman as the composer even though Joe Perry from Aerosmith did the opening theme to the Spider-Man series but guess what else Ron Wasserman worked on. (Cut to Mighty Morphin Power Rangers intro before cutting to Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania 30 and a full arena of people saying “YES! YES! YES!” before cutting to Rowdy and James doing voiceovers over clips of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.)

Rowdy (Voiceover): You didn’t think we would forget this series now would ya? Now the most common negative criticism is that it is “Saved By The Bell” meets Godzilla. But tell me this. Did “Saved By The Bell” have Mr. Belding and the gang take on Tokusatsu Monsters? Or Did Godzilla have interesting human characters? HELL NO! Mighty Morphin Power Rangers broke the mold when it came to live action kids shows and we all can’t forget (Show images of Kimberly being Kimberly with “Dreamweaver” by Gary Wright in the background before cutting to James walking off the couch as everyone else is looking at Rowdy with an inquisitive look on their face as James comes back with a bucket of ICE COLD Water and dumps it on Rowdy causing him to try to pummel James before cutting to a black screen with the words “One Hour Later” for one second before cutting to everyone is on the couch and James has minor marks and Rowdy has a lump the size of James palm on his forehead and the two apologizing for the actions both did to each other before James does his voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Well there is a reason Power Rangers is generally seen as what made Fox Kids different from most of what was being seen and the fact that people still talk about it to this day means that it has done something truly morphinominal! (Cut to the end of the opening credit before cutting to everyone on the couch.)

TLOTA: Of course Rowdy since we opened up the can of worms let’s do some fishing and address the Thirty ton Rhino in the room. (James pulls out The Megaforce Morpher, pulling out the card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans on it de-morphing James back to normal)

James Faraci: We have seen the short film “Power/Rangers” and to be blunt, there was a lot to like but I found more to dislike. I disliked the fact it did go so dark and basically bastardize the characters I knew and loved. Making things worse is when the Director had to clarify that the movie was a parody. To me a parody makes fun of the original source material while at the same time honors it as humorously as possible. Watching Zack the Black Ranger get wired on Cocaine and having a Ménage A Trois with Scorpina & Divatox then taking on North Korea just was about as funny as my Cardiac Arrhythmia catheter correction surgery. The ONLY dignified thing they did was acknowledge that what happened to Trini was that she died as a dignified homage to actress Thuy Trang’s untimely demise. Otherwise bad parody is never good to watch at all. Chris, you got anything to say.

Rowdy: What? We’re doing this out of character or something? (James nods his head saying yes) Okay (Rowdy Takes off his hat and glasses)

Chris Lee Moore: Meh, the guy who tried really tried to do something stupid, and I don’t let it bother me because I knew that would never get made into a mainstream movie. I say it’s not really worth our time. Save the rage for those that are REALLY fracking up our childhood in the mainstream – like Michael Bay and David Goyer, basically Linkara said it best in his “History Of Power Rangers” episode on “Power Rangers: RPM” If you like it, good for you. If not I won’t hold it against you.

James Faraci: Cool, I’m glad you’re able to be honest about it. Now that we’ve said our peace about that thing. Let us never talk about that movie again. (James pulls out Megaforce Morpher and the card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher morphing James back to The Last Of The Americans like he did in the 1990’s & Rowdy puts his hat back on and puts on his glasses.)

TLOTA: Having said all that, let’s move on to something more lighthearted from that blood sucker to “The Tick”. (Cut to opening credit of “The Tick” animated series before cutting everyone on the couch)

Paulo: Oh man this show was great!

John & Mike Santos: SPOOOOOOOON!

Eric Kurtzke: Okay!

Renee: DAMN, You got some good taste!

Rebecca: Does anyone really care about this series?

Rowdy: I saw a few episodes of this in order to understand the live action version of this thing for TV Trash so I’ve got nothing to say.

TLOTA: Well Thankfully I do! (Cut to clips of “The Tick” animated series while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This show is just a great send-up of all the tropes of the Comic Book industry and how the Superheroes were being seen in the industry and there was a goofiness to it that played it to the hilt. Imagine Kick-Ass without the insane violence, swearing and Nicolas Cage. Which I may review later on this year. But the point is “The Tick” is one of the funniest cartoons I’ve seen ever known exists. (Cut to Everyone on the Couch)

Rowdy: Well at least this is the last time we dip into series I’ve already reviewed and or mentioned…. Right?

TLOTA: Well…. (Cut to opening of Masked Rider before cutting back to everyone on the couch as Rowdy screams in agony)

TLOTA: Hey, Hey, Hey take it easy, take it easy we’ll be brief about it!

Rowdy: Oh okay then I’ll take this on one more time. (Cut to clips of “Masked Rider” while Rowdy and James do voiceovers.)

Rowdy (Voiceover): Because I already talked about this, there isn’t much for me to say except for me to say “Check out my review of “Masked Rider” on TV Trash.”

TLOTA (Voiceover): And I agree with MOST of what you said in that review and the fact that the actors, writers, producers and directors and everyone involved in the series has pretty much decided not put it on top of their resumes and most involved have pretty much left Hollywood for normal lives. Means that this series was really not that greatly remembered. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

Rowdy: Well, that is good news and hopefully the next series you have in line is better than Masked Rider.

TLOTA: Well how about the animated backstory behind the comedian that first hosted the revival of “Family Feud”. (Cut to the opening credit of “Life With Louie” while Rowdy & James do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover): “Life with Louie” based on the comedy of Louie Anderson was about his life as a kid in Minnesota and to be honest I could relate to this series in a way especially with how unlucky Louie was when he was a kid and how his family could drive the Pope to Alcoholism.

Rowdy (Voiceover): To me I saw this and thought to myself how could be jokes about Suburban life in Minnesota be entertaining and then I remember that the aforementioned Linkara lives in Minnesota and he has a freaking Spaceship so by contrast “Life with Louie” would’ve been entertaining but to me it’s just not for me. I would’ve rather read a “Goosebumps” book than listened to Louie Anderson portray most of the characters.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Well seeing as how you just mentioned “Goosebumps”.

Rowdy (Voiceover): You didn’t (Show opening credits of Goosebumps then cut to everyone on the couch)

Rowdy: You did?

TLOTA: Yep.

Rowdy: Cool! (Cut to clips of “Goosebumps” while Rowdy and James do voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): Based on the R. L. Stine line of books, the series was loosely trying to be like “Are You Afraid Of The Dark?” except for the fact that the stories I read were more scary then the episodes they based them on.

TLOTA (Voiceover): But I do give the producers of this series for putting effort into making the episodes as creative as they could be given the content. Remember the books and the series was meant to be kid friendly as possible as well as creepy as all get out. Don’t believe us, check out C.R.’s lists on “Goosebumps”. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

Paulo: But surely they had more than that?

TLOTA: Absolutely. Enter Big Bad Beetleborgs. (Cut to opening of “Big Bad Beetleborgs” then cut to clips of the show as Rowdy and James do voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): I talked about this briefly in my review of “Masked Rider” and I had said that the adaptation of the Tokusatsu series Juukou B-Fighter for its first season and B-Fighter Kabuto for the second season when they re-named the series to “Beetleborgs Metallix” was meant to be goofy and lighthearted in its execution and there was an energy about it that kept the show lively.

TLOTA (Voiceover): And you can tell that there was effort put into making the action very interesting but they really seemed to want to split the focus between the action and what was going on at the mansion which had four of the classic Universal characters but they couldn’t use the actual names of those Universal characters so we have them named FrankenBeans (Rowdy falsely laughs with a Ha! Ha!), Mums, Wolfgang “Wolfie” Smith (Rowdy falsely laughs with a Ha! Ha!), and Count Fangula (Rowdy falsely laughs with a Ha! Ha! Then an audible thwack and OW is heard before James continues his voiceover) Then we have Flabber! Who looked like the offspring of Elvis and Ronald McDonald, acted like Jamie Kennedy in “Son Of The Mask” when he was “The Mask” and gave the kids powers to be the Beetleborgs. But you don’t have to take my word for it, you can listen to the opening credits of the first season to get the plot of how things came to be. (Cut to the opening credits as it gives the exposition of the series before James continues his voiceover) So good you don’t need to see the pilot but it doesn’t hurt but for all of my ragging on this thing. I actually liked this series for the fact it felt like Power Rangers lite but in a good way. The characters were interesting, the battles were amazing even though they used way too many Adam West Batman style onomatopoeias for its own good and there was good stories enough to make me remember Beetleborgs fondly. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

TLOTA: However most of the series put on the Fox Kids Programming Block are a crapshoot after this.

Everyone else on the couch: Really?

TLOTA: Really, Really. But we’ll deal with them after the break. But now, let’s do what we did during commercial breaks. Me I am going to do my homework.

Rowdy: You did your homework.

TLOTA: Yep, That’s my life. Work during the breaks and relax while working.

Rowdy: Well, I’m going to enjoy my snack.

TLOTA: You held on to that box of Cap’n Crunch since the 1990’s?

Rowdy: Nah, I raided the pantry.

Paulo: Well I’m gonna join James in the “Getting Homework Done” gang.

Rebecca: We haven’t had homework in a long time. But I’m gonna get us all a bite to eat as well.

Renee: Well I’m gonna check out the latest on WWE.

Rowdy: Try The Wrestling Mark. His News is always on the money.

John Santos: I’ll try that out too.

Mike Santos: You’re a dork

John Santos: And Proud of it too!

Eric Kurtzke: Well I’m gonna see what’s gonna happen to in the next “Star Trek” movie.

Rowdy: You’re a Trekkie?

Eric Kurtzke: Yeah and while James was cleaning up the mess, I decided it’d be logical to research you and I want to say on behalf of all Trekkies, I’m sorry you had to deal with “Turnabout Intruder” & “Spock’s Brain”

Rowdy: Thanks dude.

Paulo: So what you’re saying is that after “Big Bad Beetleborgs”, what “Fox Kids” was showing was either hit or miss.

TLOTA: Pretty Much just take a look at “Godzilla The Series” (Show opening of “Godzilla The Series” before cutting to clips of the show while Rowdy and James do voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): I talked about the classic Hanna-Barbera series once on “TV Trash” and when I did, people were hoping I would talk about this series as well and I can see why the fact that this series is based on the abomination of a movie made in the same year would’ve been a great episode of “TV Trash” on its own.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Well the fact the people behind the 1998 movie have pretty much said how bad their movie was and has denounced it. Plus in the forty episodes of this series it has Godzilla taking on Monsters possibly made by the fallout that created Godzilla and the fact they made effort in keeping in cannon to the movie makes it slightly better than The Hanna-Barbera series. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

TLOTA: But The Hanna Barbera series has a nostalgic factor to it that makes it enjoyable. Unlike Ninja Turtles Abomination.

Rowdy: Not again!

TLOTA: Hey just relax, I’ll do the majority of talking about it. You don’t need to worry about saying a syllable about it.

Renee: Why is that?

TLOTA: Because Renee, the only thing worse to bear the title of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is the godawful abomination produced by Michael Bay and Directed by Johnathan Liebesman which is so awful I will NEVER EVER REVIEW IT! NOT EVEN FOR ALL THE GOLD IN FORT KNOX AND ALL THE TEA IN CHINA!

Paulo: While you were scaring both Rowdy and Renee I did some research on what you’re talking about and the only thing that is mentioned when I cross-referenced The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Fox Kids is Ninja Turtles…

TLOTA: HO BOY!

Paulo: The Next…..

TLOTA: HERE WE GO!

Paulo: Mutation? (Rowdy turns his head to Paulo with a demented smile on his face as everyone save for James looks scared as James has his right hand with defeat on his face as the “Ninja Turtles The Next Mutation” theme song plays then quickly cuts to the title card of the show before cutting back to everyone trying to hold Rowdy (who has one arm free and is swinging away with his baseball bat) back and Paulo has a Garbage Can Lid to shield him from Rowdy!)

TLOTA: AS YOU’RE ALL WELL AWARE MY ASSOCIATE AND FRIEND WHO IS TRYING TO PUMMEL A FRIEND AND SOMEONE I WORK WITH INTO HAMBURGER HAS ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THIS SERIES TWICE. ONCE ON “TV TRASH” AND THE OTHER TIME ON HIS NINJA TURTLES RETROSPECTIVE SO THERE’S REALLY NO REASON FOR HIM TO TALK ABOUT THIS SERIES SO I’LL DO THE MAJORITY OF TALKING ABOUT IT! GOOSFRABA! GOOSFRABA! GOOSFRABA! (Cut to clips of Ninja Turtles Next Mutation as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And to be honest, I’ve got nothing to say that my associate hasn’t already said. This is probably the one of the worst things to have be associated with The Ninja Turtles outside of the 2014 movie even the crossover with the Power Rangers of that season wasn’t good. This wasn’t even worthy even being made but it was made and it butt hurt the Turtles so bad that had it not been for the 4Kids series that came out nearly a decade after this. It would’ve been possibly the series that killed The Ninja Turtles for good but thankfully the people behind it did something FAR more superior! (Cut to title card to “Mystic Knights Of Tir Na Nog” before cutting to everyone having calmed down and looking with a surprised look on their faces before cutting to clips of the show while Rowdy and James do voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): HOLY TOLEDO! WHY DID I MISS THIS? Look at the effort, the tales taken from Celtic Lore and believe it or not made into its own Sentai. That’s right, this was all original footage shot on location in Ireland. This was the effort that should’ve been in “Abomination”!

TLOTA (Voiceover): Well you said it yourself in your Ninja Turtles Retrospective as Saban felt the Turtles had a built-in audience. The Mystic Knights didn’t and it suffered which is a real shame because a lot of everything about it was great ESPECIALLY the story, especially the characters and especially the care to the source of the characters. But it didn’t help that it was sandwiched with this (Cut to title of “Young Hercules” before cutting to clips of the show as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Considered a poor version of a prequel series to the Kevin Sorbo series. “Young Hercules” told the tale of Hercules played by Ryan Gosling as he is trained to harness his powers while befriending Iolaus and Jason of Corinth at an academy run by Chiron a centaur played by Nathaniel Lees and the half hour adventures they could fit in and it wasn’t bad and all but it was a bad idea for them not to renew this series and Mystic Knights instead of giving us (Cut to “Spider-Man Unlimited” title card before cutting to clips of the show while Rowdy and James do voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): Oh come on James, You knew this was on my “To Review One Day” List for TV Trash. But since I am here, yes I will admit that this show was doomed from start to finish. Why? Because it was poorly conceived from The Pilot episode to the half-finished finale.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Well to be honest no one knew whether or not this series was a continuation of the “Spider-Man” series that had ended not long before this series began or a new series that took place in another universe but that’s nothing compared to what Marvel had in store for one of its final series for Fox Kids. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

John Santos: Are you talking about “Avengers: United They Stand”?

TLOTA: Dude that series is so bad even Rowdy won’t review it!

Rowdy: That’s right but this series is just right.

TLOTA: That of course being “Silver Surfer”. (Cut to title card of “Silver Surfer before cutting to clips of the show while Rowdy and James do voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): While the N.E.S. game was hard as all get out to play that even The Angry Video Game Nerd had a hard time playing.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Understating the obvious on that one.

Rowdy (Voiceover): Shut up! Silver Surfer the animated series was a gamble that didn’t work but that doesn’t mean it was bad.

TLOTA (Voiceover): And I agree with you. The Animation blended Cell shaded animation with Computer rendered animation. The character of Silver Surfer was a Greek tragedy. Sacrificing his past as Norrin Radd became the herald of Galactus and the adventures The Silver Surfer has slowly becoming a hero and not just a servant of a god and I wish everyone gave it a half a chance but not everything can pan out. Such as the next series… (Cut to opening credits of “Los Luchadores” then to clips of Los Luchadores with Rowdy doing a voiceover)

Rowdy (Voiceover): Yeah, kind of a weird series but in all honesty it makes sense. Los Luchadores follows the tale of Masked Wrestlers Lobo Fuerte, Turbine & Maria Valentine fight their fellow Luchadores in the ring and take on villains that even Adam West’s Batman and (Shutters) Electra Elf and Fluffer would consider lame. (Cut to everyone on the couch.)

TLOTA: We saw the review THAT is about as much of “Electra Elf & Fluffer” we EVER want to see of that series! But as far as Los Luchadores is concerned I’m willing to wager Dollars to Doughnuts even Hardcore WWE fans would love this series. (The Wrestling Mark pops in via Genie blink)

The Wrestling Mark: I’ll take that wager.

Rowdy: Wrestling Mark?! What the….? (Everyone else save for James is shocked to see that The Wrestling Mark looks like Rowdy.)

TLOTA: I take it Jeannie brought you here.

The Wrestling Mark: You bet and I come bearing a message from your mom Rowdy. She said “Finish up with your friend soon or else she’s gonna come and drag you home!” Now with that bit of business done and over with, James give me Los Luchadores.

TLOTA: Sure thing dude. (The Wrestling Mark takes the DVD of “Los Luchadores” and walks off screen to the right before cutting to clips of the show as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Regardless “Los Luchadores” was fun, original for the most part and incredibly entertaining which is more than I can say for the last series I want to talk about in this review of this programming block. (Cut to everyone save for James & Rowdy still in shock on the couch.)

Rowdy: Well what’s wrong with the last series?

TLOTA: Well, it’s not a bad series, it’s just what happens when “Fox Kids” tried to play “Keeping up with the Joneses” with Digimon! (Cut to opening title card of “Digimon” then to clips of “Digimon” as Rowdy & James do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover): If you saw The Nostalgia Critic and JesuOtaku’s crossover on Digimon The Movie, I can understand why everyone would dislike the series. But for me this wasn’t a poor man’s Pokemon. It was Fox Kids’ desperate attempt to say “Hey Look at us! We’re still cool! We’re still relevant! We’ve got monsters fighting one another! We’re still cool” and that hurt not only a pretty good show it in essence killed “Fox Kids”.

Rowdy (Voiceover): Actually what happened was a mercy killing as Disney purchased all the programming of “Fox Kids” and Saban Entertainment. But like you I don’t blame or hate Digimon. It had good stories, decent characters and for a dubbed Anime it was well developed and produced and yes I agree with you about how things went down behind the scenes and what killed “Fox Kids”. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

Paulo: Well that’s a shame about how things went for “Fox Kids”.

Rebecca: Do you guys think we’ll ever see a revival?

Renee: Maybe if they did it like a Network like Nickelodeon.

Eric: Maybe an app or a streaming network on line.

Mike Santos: Maybe their own spot on “Netflix”

John Santos: Or We can leave well enough alone and remember what “Fox Kids” were about.

Rowdy: I agree with John on this! (Cut to clips of “Fox Kids” Programming while Rowdy and James do voiceovers)

Rowdy (Voiceover): Because there was a lot of great shows, a lot of decent ones and quite a few stinkers some I’ve reviewed already but regardless “Fox Kids” was awesome as it was able to last a little longer than “The Disney Afternoon” because not only did they play the game their own way, they did it with enthusiasm.

TLOTA (Voiceover): And I can’t disagree with you because we still remember these shows to this day. The fact most of these series are available on Streaming Services and DVD releases make it easier to remember all that was truly amazing about “Fox Kids” and the shows that showed because Fox Kids are what? (Cut to the end of an opening of an episode with all the characters in the ad shouting “Fox Kids Is Cool” before cutting to everyone on the couch)

TLOTA: Well guys “Fox Kids” is over, now what? (Rowdy’s mom pops in via Genie Blink)

Rowdy’s Mom: CHRISTOPHER LEE MOORE, YOU GET HOME RIGHT NOW!

Rowdy: But Mom!

Rowdy’s Mom: No buts, you’ve got homework and chores to take care of and you’ve got your own series to get back to. (Rowdy’s mom grabs Rowdy by his ear and drags him out before they pop out via Genie Blink and Everyone save for James chuckles and Paulo says tauntingly “Rowdy got yelled by his mommy! Rowdy got yelled by his mommy! Rowdy got yelled by his mommy!” and proceeds to chuckle as Paulo and Rebecca’s mom comes in and says in Spanish “Paulo and Rebecca Fonseca, you’ve got to get going too!” with subtitles in English underneath. Paulo replies in Spanish and subtitled in English “But Mom!” and Paulo and Rebecca’s mom replies in Spanish and subtitled in English. “It’ll be your butts if you don’t get moving” and James walks them out the door and tells everyone else to get going as well as James gets back onto his couch to take a sigh of relief when HIS mom comes in.)

James’ Mom: JAMES BENJAMIN FARACI, YOU GET HOME RIGHT NOW! THERE ARE CHORES THAT HAVE TO BE DONE, YOU’VE GOT DINNER TO MAKE AND YOU STILL HAVE TO GET A SHEET ON YOUR BED! (James’ mom grabs James by the seat of his pants and drags him home as James shouts “Can I finish this please?” As James pulls his upper half into frame)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that’s my opinion! (James is getting dragged and is screaming Ow! All the way before The Wrestling Mark comes in on the right.)

The Wrestling Mark: Hey James this would be good if WWE had co-produced this series and… (Looks around to see no one is there.) Where did everyone go?!

Monday, April 13, 2015

In Defense of "Muppets From Space"

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The "Willow" in the winds

(Scene starts with James in his office with huge bags marked “U.S. Mail” and James feeling sad as Paulo walks into the office)

Paulo: Hey James

TLOTA: Oh hey Paulo.

Paulo: Got a lot of Fan mail?

TLOTA: Not really, most of this is for your sister. Me I’ve got the bomb threats, IEDs, tracker tags for assassins to find me and all sorts lovely hate mail mostly coming from Christy Romano and so many other women I had crushes on and hate my stinking guts and a daily load of Bills and some group that “Works for the betterment of the Government” ordering me to Shut Down Production. Like I’d do that and there’s quite a few requests saying “Why don’t you talk about a movie you like but no one else likes?” Plus with things so hectic I discovered one of Rowdy’s devices went on the fritz so I had to call my old friends Renee, John, Mike & Eric to send ORAC to help fix the problems including reversing the Polarity of The Neutron Flow to said Device.

Paulo: Renee, John, Mike & Eric?

TLOTA: Yeah, John Santos and his brother Mike and my old pal Eric Neil Kurtzke. When John found out I was going to resume production He and Mike wanted in and I figured if I was going to bring them in, I wanted to bring Eric into the mix. Renee, asked if I needed a little extra female power in my reviews and I said “The More the Merrier”.

Rebecca (Audio only): So how much Fan Mail did I get this month?

TLOTA: Another fifty bags and at least 95% of the letters are coming from guys begging you not to Marry Nick. (Rebecca walks into the office.)

Rebecca: I know what to do with them, Recycle them!

TLOTA: Nice, Act locally and Think Globally. (Rebecca looks through one of the letters and finding one.)

Rebecca: Hey James, this one guy has a good point about you reviewing a movie you like but no one else does.

TLOTA: Well which one do I pick?

Paulo: Well I know you said in your September Editorial that you might review “Willow” sometime soon, so why not now?

TLOTA: Not a bad idea Paulo. But first, HIT THE NEW INTRO!

Paulo: It’s not that new.

Rebecca: It’s just minimally re-edited.

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2014 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James getting hit with an uppercut by Trina Mason to James punching Dr. Plotsz, to Paulo & Rebecca Fonseca saying Groovy, to James and Rowdy running into the Happy Madison crowd, to James’ eyes turning white with blue streaks of lightning coming out of them, to James taking on the wicked then culminating in the moment when Lea Michele reveals herself to be a vampire and zooming into James’ screaming mouth until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James right hand comes out of the dark holding a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo on his right and Rebecca on his left doing the same pose on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it.)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Let’s talk about George Lucas. (Cut to pictures of George Lucas and the movies he made while James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voice over): Yes he has made probably enough money to buy ALL OF ASIA and retire there from both The “Indiana Jones” & “Star Wars” franchises but believe it or not he has produced other movies outside of “Star Wars” & “Indiana Jones” like the recent “Red Tails”, the Jim Henson directed classic “Labyrinth”, “American Graffiti” “The Land Before Time” and of course (Show poster of “Howard The Duck”) Let’s pretend this movie never happened. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: But the movie I want to talk about is one of my all time, without a shadow of a doubt, Grade A, Sword and Sorcery adventure. I am talking about, Of Course, “Willow” (Action theme from “Willow” plays in the background as the Willow title card from the trailer is seen then cutting to clips from the movie as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): This is a movie that was Incredible from start to finish. Incredible acting, Incredible writing, the special effects were unbelievable in an incredible way and Incredible directing from Director Ron Howard. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: As a matter of fact, it remains to Ron one of the best experiences he had as a director and he has done some really great movies since and he did a few good movies before and some of his movies are movies I really like such as “Cinderella Man” & “Splash” but let’s see what happens when the visionary directing of Ron Howard and the visionary idealism of George Lucas collide with “Willow” (Cut to movie with James doing a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice over): So our movie begins with the birth of a baby with a special mark and Aww isn’t it the cutest little Deus Ex Machina. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: That is so cute. Hey Paulo, Rebecca take a look at the Deus Ex Machina. (Paulo comes in on James’ right and Rebecca comes around James’ office chair to be on James’ left to see the baby and all three aww then just make noises to make the baby smile then cut to a moment in which the baby smiles and then cutting to the three go aww. Before cutting back to the movie with James doing a voice over.)

TLOTA: However the mark on the child mean bad news for the evil Queen Bavmorda, played by Jean Marsh, who orders the child to be killed. However the midwife decides to sneak the baby out and float the baby ala Moses & Superman before a couple of the Queen’s demonic dog creatures kill the midwife. The baby floats down to a village of Nelwyns specifically to the backyard of the farmer Willow Ufgood played by the great Warwick Davis where he finds his kids having found the baby and what’s Willow’s first reaction when he sees the baby?

Willow: We’ll push it downstream and forget we ever saw it! (Cut to James, Rebecca and Paulo with their jaws on the table.)

TLOTA, Rebecca & Paulo (In Unison): ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

TLOTA: That is such BULLSHIT! I would never do that especially to a baby and I’m an uncle to three nieces!

Rebecca: Me neither, if I were in their position, I’d bring the right people in to help. (Muttering curse words in Spanish as she walks away with disgust towards the movie.)

Paulo: Yeah I’ve got to agree with my sister. I’d bring the child in then call the authorities to help make sure the kid is safe. (Muttering curse words in Spanish as he walks away with disgust towards the movie. Before cutting back to the movie with James doing a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voice over): However an annoying ass of a Nelwyn named Burglekutt drops by to taunt Willow but after he leaves, the wife and kids decide to bring the baby back and welcome the baby to their home. The next day at a festival where Willow is performing as a magician. The High Aldwin played by Billy Barty is looking for an apprentice and Willow is amongst the prospective candidates but everything is thrown into chaos as Bavmorda’s Demonic Dog creatures come in search of the baby but thankfully the village warriors including the awesome Tony Cox and Phil Fondacaro put them down like Old Yeller! One of the warriors discover that it was after a baby. Willow after making sure his wife and the baby he found two days ago decides to finally tell the High Aldwin and the elders and The High Aldwin’s idea for the baby? To take it to the borders of their lands that links it to the lands of Daikinis which means normal people like myself in their universe and give it to the first one they come upon. (Cut to James’ office in which Paulo and Rebecca walk back in and hear the plan.)

Paulo: We’ve been overhearing you and we’re calling child services and foster care!

Rebecca: Because trust me anybody…ANYBODY would be a better caretaker to the child.

TLOTA: Do you think these two would do well as the baby’s guardian? (Show clip of Bella & Edward from “Breaking Dawn Part 2” holding on to the CGI baby before cutting back to James, Paulo & Rebecca)

Rebecca: Actually I was thinking maybe her. (Cut to a clip of Sgt. Olivia Benson taking care of Noah from “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” before cutting back to James, Paulo & Rebecca.)

TLOTA: Well in all fairness she would be a great mom and she deserves to be Noah’s parent. (Cut back to the movie as James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice over): Meanwhile at Castle Death & Doom we find our Queen pissed off because they can’t find the baby and trust me when an evil Queen can’t find a baby it doesn’t end well. Ask Maleficent, she was searching for years! (Cut to Disney’s Animated “Sleeping Beauty”)

MALEFICENT: Did you hear that, my pet? All these years, they’ve been searching for a baby! (Followed by her laughing and then zapping all goons in a rage. Before cutting to James, Paulo & Rebecca ducking as a stray zap nearly incinerates the three and leaving a smoldered mark on the wall as the three see the wall behind James.)

TLOTA: It’ll wash off. I hope. Otherwise bye-bye security deposit! (Cut back to the movie as James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): So it’s up to General Kael played by Pat Roach to don what would’ve made Darth Vader look more like a Shao Khan Lookalike, The Queen’s Daughter Sorsha played by Joanne Whalley to find the child and you know The Queen means business when she smacks the hell out of her head General. (Show clip of Queen Bavmorda getting angry and smacking General Kael before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA: Even at my worse I’d never treat my friends like that. (Paulo coughs off screen and cut to Paulo and Rebecca standing at the door frame.)

Paulo: Have you forgotten this? (Show clip of Rebecca & Paulo Fonseca looking a little more toasted from The “Duckman” review before cutting back to Paulo & Rebecca at the Door Frame.)

Rebecca: Then of course…. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Okay, I get it but you have to understand. You can’t badmouth someone you work for or work with it just makes things unpleasant everywhere and I like working with you guys and I hope you understand why reacted the way I did. (Cut to Paulo and Rebecca standing at the door frame.)

Paulo: Hey we understand.

Rebecca: Totally. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Cool, say don’t you guys have something to do? (Cut to Paulo and Rebecca standing at the door frame.)

Paulo: Oh yeah I’ve got to call ACS.

Rebecca: And I’ve got Foster Care on the other end of my phone. (Cut to The movie while James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (voice over): Meanwhile Willow and the other Nelwyns find themselves at the border between their lands and the land of the Daikini where they meet Madmartigan played by Val Kilmer, The Ice Batman himself (Show an Image of George Clooney’s Batman and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Mr. Freeze in mid battle and James saying “Not Going there.” Before cutting to the movie and continuing with the voice over.) Apparently someone saw “Bad Lieutenant Port Of Call New Orleans” and couldn’t get their hands on either Nicolas Cage or Werner Herzog so they found him instead to pay for that crime. Oh and get used to hearing everyone and I mean EVERYONE of the Daikini to say this to Willow. (Piano plays a jaunty tune in the background until the tune resembles “Camptown Ladies Sing This Song” to every use of everyone saying “Peck” in Willow before cutting back to the movie with James doing a voice over.) So rather give the baby to Madmartigan, Willow sees a troop of Daikini come their way being led by Airk played Gavan O’Herlihy a.k.a. Brad from “Superman III” and what do they do? Tell Willow to piss off because they’ve got a fight with Queen Bavmorda to pick. So with no other choice, Willow decides to let Madmartigan out of his cage and give the baby to him. Heaven help the baby! (Cut to Paulo and Rebecca at the doorway.)

Paulo: Not to worry I got this detective from Manhattan he’s on his way.

Rebecca: And he also has a few hundred S.W.A.T. teams and all members of the United States Military Services to protect the baby. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Isn’t that overkill? (Cut to Paulo and Rebecca at the doorway)

Paulo: If it were your nieces wouldn’t you bring in everyone you could to save them? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: That’s true. (Cut to the movie as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): As Willow and his friend make it back to the Nelwyn Village, Brownies kidnap both the Baby, Willow and his friend.

Paulo (Voice over): We’re trying to get the police there quicker!

TLOTA (Voice over): Don’t worry the Baby is safe as we discover her name being Elora Danan by Cherlindrea, the queen of the fairies who charges Willow to find Fin Raziel and help Elora finish off Bavmorda. So while he does so begrudgingly in the beginning, he is aided by two Brownies played by Rick Overton and ….WAIT A SECOND? (Needle Scratches) Kevin Pollak?! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: That has to be the most surprising bit of casting since seeing Tom Baker in “The Day Of The Doctor”! I am dead serious about what I just said and I know Tom was the fourth doctor on “Doctor Who” but who knows maybe these two will add levity to the situation. (Cut to every clip of the two arguing or being annoying before cutting back to James throwing his hands in the air and shouting “NEVERMIND!” and cutting to the movie as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): So as Willow finds a bar he discovers Madmartigan having been the cause of some shenanigans and pisses off a big dude named Llug leading to a really kick ass chase/fight scene and to the credit of the stunt people, the effects people and everyone involved in that sequence because this was amazing! Soon enough Madmartigan takes Willow to help him find Raziel, Willow discovers Fin Raziel has become a marsupial! (Show Fin Raziel as a talking marsupial before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: I’m going to take a break to wonder if I had taken anything and see if it has kicked in and also wonder why I have a pain in my right boot.

TLOTA (Voice over): So as Willow and Razel find their way back to Madmartigan, they’re met with an unwelcome surprise. Kael, Sorsha and their soldiers. After being captured Razel tries to teach Willow how to turn her back into human form buuuuuuut…. (Raziel becomes a Blackbird and “The Price Is Right” Losing Horn is played and a stamp is placed over Willow’s face as the word “FAIL” is stamped on his disappointed face as the song ends and James continues with the voice over.) Madmartigan gets every one of them out but after getting hit with a love spell confesses he has feelings for Sorsha! (Brownies slap themselves in the face, Willow Slaps himself in the face cut to James, Paulo & Rebecca slapping themselves in the forehead, cut to everyone at Manic Expression slapping themselves in the forehead and even God slaps himself in the forehead before cutting back to the movie and James continuing the voice over.) Kael finds Willow trying to nab the baby and running but Madmartigan shows off his bad ass skills as a swordsman and the trio try to escape with the power of COOL RUNNINGS! (Show the three on a shield on a snow ride and the trio looking to the left to see James dressed as Mario and Paulo dressed as Luigi on a snow ride on Mario Kart Wii sled but sounding like the Mario and Luigi from “The Super Mario Brothers Super Show”.)

Mario: Hey Pisanos going our way?

Luigi: Hey hey Mario, you better be watching where we go because we’re about to go cave diving and they’re about to fly off a cliff! (Cut to see Willow, Elora and Madmartigan flying off a cliff and landing safely then cut to Mario and Luigi and The Jamaican Bobsled team hit the cave first then a loud crash is heard and the scene of tunnel shake and Audio from Cool Runnings is heard.)

Derice Bannock: Sanka, ya dead?

Sanka Coffie: Yeah mon!

Derice Bannock: Good, You can pee now.

Sanka Coffie: Um, Too late. (Cut to the movie as James continues the voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): Madmartigan ejects himself off the sled as Willow and Elora are (Show Elora and Willow slam into a house and cut to James physically)

TLOTA: SAFE! AT HOME! Wait what about Madmartigan? (Cut to see Willow freak out to see a gigantic snow roll with Madmartigan in the center in it and Willow slams the door as the Gigantic snow roll comes his way as we cut to James physically)

TLOTA: SHIT! PISS! AND CORRUPTION! IT’S THE STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN’S MIDDLE FINGER! (Paulo and Rebecca come in and look and cut to the gigantic snow roll before cutting back to the three and the three yell “RIGHT!”)

TLOTA: RUN AWAY! (Audio cuts to Monty Python and The Holy Grail as King Arthur and the Knights shout RUN AWAY! As the three run like hell out of the office and as the gigantic snow roll continues to come to Willow and as the “Aargh” of one of the Knights running away is heard the snow roll slams into the front next to the door where Willow is hiding before James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice over): Eventually the three while still in the village at the bottom of the mountain find Airk and what’s left of his troops hiding beneath a house hiding but soon after decide to get to the kingdom of Tir Asleen to keep Elora Danan safe from Queen Bavmorda. While Airk is like “Huh, Your funeral”. Eventually they make it but something is off. Could it be that the people are encased in Ice Crystals? Which of course gives me the right to use this clip! (Cut to “Suburban Commando” in which Christopher Lloyd’s character shouts “I WAS FROZEN TODAY!” before returning to the movie while James does the voice over.) With no one to help, Madmartigan decides to go “Home Alone” on Queen Bavmorda’s troops. Meanwhile Willow tries to make Raziel Human again but….

Fin Raziel (Bleating while talking because she is a goat): Greaaat Worrrk Maaaadmarrrrtigaaan!

Madmartigan: What happened to you? (Cut to a still image of Fin Razel as a goat while James does her voice.)

TLOTA (Voice over sounding like goat Fin Raziel) Taake a wiiilld guess Braainiaac! (Cut back to the movie while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): Adding to the enemies outside the gate apparently there are trolls that look and act like demented apes and if you attack them with Magic it turns them into a…. a…..(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: What the hell is that thing? (Cut to Paulo at the doorway)

Paulo: I think you might want to try this out. I worked on it in my spare time. Between being here and working my 9 to 5 job. (Paulo walks over to James and hands James what looks like a Nintendo 3DS XL)

TLOTA: It looks like a 3DS XL.

Paulo: It’s not. ORAC helped me out with the technical aspects. (James scans the image and a ding is heard.)

TLOTA: According to this it’s called an Eborsisk. What?

Paulo: Eborsisk, Eborsisk, Eborsisk. It’s a cheap shot at two people who are no longer with us.

TLOTA: Not the late great Roger Ebert & Gene Siskel? (A ding is heard) Well I’ll be damned, according to this, it is exactly that. Some people just can’t take criticism. (James and Paulo just nod their heads to the left and right before cutting back to the movie and James doing a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): So the Queen’s troops and Madmartigan temporarily align with each other and eighty-six the Eborsisk but after that Sorsha and Madmartigan actually hook up to take on Kael and the Queen’s troops and after discovering that Kael finds Willow beats him like a dog and takes Elora and Airk decides if the Queen’s soldiers are at Tir Asleen, Hell let’s join Madmartigan to wipe them off the face of the earth. So with Madmartigan, Airk, Willow and Sorsha on the same side and an army find their way to Queen Bavmorda demanding the return of the child when this happens and trust me when I say, if this scared the poop out of you as a kid and continues to do so as an adult, you’re not alone on that front.

Queen Bavmorda: You have come to challenge me! You’re not warriors. You’re….PIGS! (Chants a spell that causes Madmartigan to fall down on all fours and start to turn him into a pig) You’re All PIGS! (All of the soldiers fall in pain and turn into pigs as Bavmorda shouts “PIGS” and they all eventually turn into pigs before cutting to James physically and him signaling with a scared shitless look on his face mouthing “One Moment” before he gets up and cuts to the lobby in which Rebecca and Paulo see the look on James’ face.)

Paulo: FREEZE IT!

Rebecca: Last time you were scared that badly we couldn’t use the bathroom for weeks in here, so we got a port-a-potty for such an occasion.

TLOTA: WELL HURRY UP AND TAKE ME TO IT! (Cut to the rear outside of the office in which James’ port-a-potty awaits him and James says “Thanks guys” before James locks the door behind him as Paulo and Rebecca stand outside waiting as James shouts “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWZAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”And Diuretic sounds are heard before cutting to a black background and the words “One Hour Later” in white then cutting to the port-a-potty where James is still screaming and Paulo and Rebecca are still standing outside and Diuretic sounds are heard. Before cutting to a black background and the words “Several Hours Later” in white then cutting to the port-a-potty where James is still screaming and Paulo and Rebecca are still standing outside and Diuretic sounds are heard for five seconds more before James Emerges.)

Paulo: You okay?

TLOTA: Fine enough to finish the review.

Rebecca: Good for you. (The three walk back after James puts an “OUT OF ORDER” sign on the Port-A-Potty before cutting back to the movie as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): So after making every last soldier no longer Kosher. Willow decides to muster up the courage to finally make Fin Raziel human again. (Cut to Willow chanting the spell and turning Fin Raziel into every animal possible before cutting to James physically saying “You’re almost there” every few animals before coming to the tiger and scene cuts to James saying “I don’t think her body can take anymore, You’d better stop soon or else…” a loud explosion is heard and splat of a blue colored clear slime lands on James’ shirt.)

TLOTA: Thanks heaps Willow, you turned Fin Raziel into an exploding ball of slime and I got hit with it! Elora Danan is history, great job. (Cut back to the movie as James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): Actually she does return to her human form and reverses the damage done by Bavmorda. As Bavmorda prepares to send Elora Danan to a hell dimension, Willow comes up with the idea to have her forces come to them and take them out as Fin, Sorsha and Willow save Elora Danan and get rid of Bavmorda once and for all. In the middle of the battle Airk and Kael go at it and Airk gets the short end of the sword. (Show Madmartigan be with Airk as he dies and then cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: Well at least he died with dignity. You should’ve seen how he met his end in “Superman III” (Show clip of Brad being comically thrown out of Lana’s apartment before cutting back to the movie and James doing a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): Meanwhile our three get to Bavmorda and Sorsha immediately gets knocked out of commission. So Fin Raziel and fight it out a bit as Madmartigan and Kael duke it out and Madmartigan ends Kael once and for all. Meanwhile Willow tries to grab the baby and get out of Dodge when an altar attacks Willow. Not kidding on this. Eventually Raziel is unconscious and it’s up to Willow to beat Queen Bavmorda on his own and after making Elora Danan disappear Queen Bavmorda was done in by her own dark powers. But what happened to Elora?

Willow: It was my old disappearing Pig Trick! (Everyone laughs with joy as Willow holds Elora Danan and the booming voice of Doug Walker says “Elora Danan shall live” before cutting to James screeching in joy and raising her hands in joy before cutting back to the movie and James doing a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): After some time for a furlough at Tir Asleen, Willow heads back to his village and shows what voodoo he can do! (Willow throws a rock into the air)

Nelwyn: A bird! He turned it into a bird! (Cut to Burglekutt getting a mouth of Bird Poop and everyone laughing and the village celebrating before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA: So that’s “Willow”! It was amazing when I was a kid and it remains that way today. (Cut to clips of the movie with the music from the opening credits while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): And to be honest, a lot of it came from the fact that everyone’s efforts didn’t go unnoticed and I mean everyone’s efforts. The writer’s efforts, the cast's efforts, the director’s efforts, the effects houses efforts, the production efforts, all that effort went into a movie that I’d personally recommend for everyone ages 7 to 700 and it’s a reason George Lucas shouldn’t be fully absolved of the abomination that was Jar-Jar Binks but should get a pass for “Crystal Skull”… Almost. (Cut to James physically as a voice from out of nowhere says “YOU STUPID FAT DAIKINI!” with James looking around until he looks down and towards his right to see Rool played by John Santos and Franjean by Paulo Fonseca)

Rool: You completely overlooked us!

Franjean: Rool, you fool he did mention us at least twice!

Rool: But not by name! Besides he overlooked had it not been for us Willow would’ve been Ebersisk chow! In fact the movie should’ve been about us!

TLOTA: Well I know what you deserve!

Franjean: Really what is that?

TLOTA: THIS! (James picks up his right foot and slams it onto Rool and Franjean as they scream in pain.) I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans And That’s my opinion!

Rool (Sounding hurt audio only): And you’re a stupid fat Daikini! (James slams his right foot down and a final yelp of pain is heard. Before cutting to James in the lobby when he hears a buzzing coming from his creature definer)

TLOTA: Hey Paulo, does this thing have a communication device in it? (Cut to Paulo just about to leave)

Paulo: Yeah. (Cut to James on the couch in the lobby)

TLOTA: Cool, I’ll see you and Rebecca in May for the Fox Kids Crossover with Rowdy? (Cut to Paulo just about to leave)

Paulo: Sure thing. (Cut to James pulling out his creature definer)

TLOTA: Go for James

ORAC (Audio only): The Interdimensional Portal will be repaired within Two weeks. Reversing the damage from portal will take longer.

TLOTA: Well not too much longer ORAC, I need everybody back in the fold by May

ORAC (Audio only): Understood. Also after this call ends Lea Michele will be on the line.

TLOTA: Understood. (James closes his Creature Definer as it buzzes after it closes and James opens it up again.) Go For James. (Cut to Lea in her trailer at “Scream Queens”)

Lea Michele: Hey James, did you enjoy the last season of the show? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Absolutely, However that whole Hypnotism storyline I think didn’t turn out the way the writers hoped it would. (Cut to Lea)

Lea Michele: How is that? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Well my dad watched when Sam got hypnotized and for the whole of the weekend, he thought he was a chicken! (Cut to Lea)

Lea Michele: Are you kidding? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Wish I were! (Cut to Lea laughing her butt off)

Lea Michele: Oh God, it’s gonna be awkward May 2^nd. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I already talked to my dad, he’s not as upset with you as he is with me and trust me I’ve been hearing it forever. But I hope to see you for the entire week before then. Maybe you can help with the prep work with my brother and me. (Cut to Lea)

Lea Michele: That’d be nice to get to help make food for everyone you’re going to call family. Oh speaking of people you call family, there is a check with your uncle’s name on it from everyone from “GLEE” and “Scream Queens” coming his way. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Cool, I appreciate it and I know he will to. So, I’ll see you around the Twenty Eighth. (Cut to Lea)

Lea Michele: Absolutely, I’ll see you there and I love you. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Absolutely, Can’t wait to see you here and I love you too. Bye. (Cut to Lea)

Lea Michele: Bye James. (Lea shuts off her laptop as the camera pulls back to see her being held at gunpoint by a Government agent played by Eric Kurtzke)

Government Agent: We couldn’t trace the signal back. You do realize what this means for you Miss Michele.

Lea Michele: Listen, I don’t know what’s in your green juice but I will never betray the man I love.

Government Agent: Even though his kind are a threat to your existence.

Lea Michele: You jackanape, all he does is make people laugh with his thoughts on movies. If you don’t like what he has to say, feel free to let him know. Why do you think he ends his reviews with “And That’s My Opinion” because it is his opinion and he has a section defending movies entitled “In Defense Of…” As a matter of fact he’s going to defend a Muppet movie people didn’t like later on this month. You don’t agree with what he has to say, let him know, he’s reasonable. But if you don’t care to be reasonable (Lea Pulls out her Sonic Screwdriver and shatters the Government Agent’s gun in his hand and makes a run for it as she locks the Government Agent in her trailer and runs for her life as The Government Agent phases through the door.)

Government Agent: Well, if you aren’t willing to work with us of your own volition, You shall be our pawn!