Let's Play Skygard!

(Commercial Sting with of the American Gladiators first run's final season's ten seconds theme with James Standing next to Army Text saying The Last Of The Americans. Then a rubber stamp stamps over the entire thing the word Editorial)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. I've been kind of busy as of late what with my sword being stolen, searching for The Wicked and what have you not so getting out an editorial has been kind of hard. But that doesn't mean I can't do something, so I decided to post a "Let's Play" now I know that it might be hard to do seeing as how I write text reviews to post a "Let's Play" but I decided to give it with the good ol' College try. So let's check out "Skygard"! (James walks over to the XBOX 360, opens Disc drive places Disc into Disc drive and an error screen appears) Hmm. Not to worry (James walks over to his desk drawer and grabs two Sonic Screwdrivers) and a One & a two and an Allons-Y! (James hits the Television and XBOX 360 with the Sonic Screwdrivers and accidentally opens up a portal.) Uh-Oh! (Portal widens as James ducks for cover and Karl dressed as he was at the end of "Dragonbored" pops out)

Karl: I'm free! I'M FREE! (Karl shouts, whoops & hollers!) Who are you?

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and you are?

Karl: Oh hey, I'm Karl and I'm from Chicago. I've been in there for a LOOONG time! I died five hundred times while I was in there.

TLOTA: Uh quick question, Do you usually dress like a Xena: Warrior Princess knockoff or was this part of being in Skygard? (Karl looks at himself and discovers he still looks like Jessica)

Karl: Shit! (Looks down at his crotch) Whew, got my junk back. I based this on my now Ex-Girlfriend Jessica who got stolen by me by that back stabbing Gnome fucker Jimbroth! Uh sorry but do you have any men's clothing! (Time lapses about an hour and Karl is dressed like an ordinary guy now.) Thanks. So now you know my story.

TLOTA: So you were just an ordinary guy with an ordinary job then you got into "Skygard" the game like a fan would then your copy acted like a portal and then your character Jimbroth came to our world, took your job, friends and the woman you loved?

Karl: Yep. I also found out Jessica and Jimbroth got married also LeBron made him a partner so after a while I went through the emotions but now that I'm out of "Skygard" I know what I'm going to do. First off, I'm going to find Taylin and put five hundred bullets into the bastard! One for every death he dealt me! Then I've got a merger proposal for LeBron, him and a pit full of half crazed cannibalistic hyenas! Finally I'm going to take Jimbroth's sword and shred him literally to fucking shreds then rape and skin Jessica alive after that I'll be able to play "Skygard" in peace and serenity! (Karl laughs manically and runs into the night as James prepares to play his copy of "Skygard" when he discovers his copy got stolen by Karl)

TLOTA: Oh SON OF A BITCH! He took my copy of "Skygard" Oh well, at least I gave it the ol' College try. I'm James Faraci The Last of the Americans and that's my opinion.  (Scene changes to classic "Looney Tunes" end scene with the music from classic "Looney Tunes" ending & James pops out of the drum) TLOTA: App a dap dap a APRIL FOOL'S! (The ending scene ends as James does a thumbs up)

The Final bite from the "Spider"

ORAC (Audio Only): Previously on James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans.

(Show scene of James grabbing Spider-Man 3 and extreme pain courses through him)

Lea Michele: ORAC, what’s going on?

TLOTA (Sounding dark & demonic with his eyes glowing with black flames): Spider-Man 3 (Dark Spider-Man theme from Spider-Man 3 play in the background and James smiles a wicked grin.)

ORAC (Audio Only): And now the conclusion!

(Scene fades in to Lea Michele backing away from James to find a Sonic Screwdriver in a drawer only to use it on James as he demonically roars, returns to normal and collapses in exhaustion while Lea Michele feels a pinch from the Sonic Screwdriver)

Lea Michele: What happened?

ORAC: The scans of this particular Sonic Screwdriver has now genetically been locked to your specific DNA, in layman’s terms now you only can control this Sonic Screwdriver.

Lea Michele: But what happened to James?

ORAC: You knocked him unconscious.

Lea Michele: So what do I do?

(Music from the last seasons of the Original Run of American Gladiators play Speedy shot of James Faraci breaking through the American Flag, working out, fighting bad cinema, bad pop culture anything bad in the world with a picture of the White House appears in the background as Jack Swagger, Zeb Coulter and President Obama appear in the foreground as all three fall as James Faraci stands alone and tall and in Army text the words of The Last Of The Americans stand by his side)

(Opening cuts to Lea Michele carrying James Faraci to her car, pulling out her Sonic Screwdriver to unlock her doors, prop James in the passenger seat and use Sonic Screwdriver to start her car. Scene cuts to her zooming down Route 17 to New York City with a Bluetooth in her ear while “I Am the Doctor” by Murray Gold plays in the background)

Lea Michele: Call Rowdy.

Bluetooth: Please enjoy the music while you’re party is being reached. (“Good Ol’ Boys” Dukes of Hazzard theme and the Rowdy Reviewer answers)

Rowdy (Audio Only): Hello, how’s James?

Lea Michele: He was doing better until I blasted him with a Sonic Screwdriver.

Rowdy (Audio Only): WHY?!

Lea Michele: His voice became demonic and his eyes turned black and flames came out of them when he said “Spider-Man 3” but I couldn’t leave him where he was and because of it I might be late for “GLEE” I heard you have a Genie, can your Genie get me a half hour away from the set.

Rowdy (Audio Only): No Problem, where are you now?

Lea Michele: Heading down Route 17 to Middletown New York.

Rowdy (Audio Only): Okay, hang on tight! Jeannie, lock into Lea’s car and blink her to the set of “GLEE”! (Cut to Lea’s car going down Route 17 to Middletown New York to disappear then cut to outside the set of “GLEE” where Lea Michele’s car blinks in as she hits the brakes)

Lea Michele: WOW! (Tap on window cut to outside of Lea’s car where Naya Rivera is standing. Car door opens and Lea steps out)

Naya Rivera: Lea, where have you been, I hope you’re ready because… (Naya looks in Lea’s Car to see James’ unconscious body.) TELL ME HE’S NOT!

Lea Michele: Fortunately, he’s just unconscious, help me load him into my trailer. (Naya grabs James by his arms while Lea grabs James’ Legs and pulls out the Sonic Screwdriver to open Lea’s trailer then cut to James lying unconscious on Lea’s Trailer’s bed)

Naya Rivera: Will he be alright?

Lea Michele: I don’t know (Naya looks at Lea’s right hand and in it is the Sonic Screwdriver) & this is a Sonic Screwdriver, it’s encoded to work with me only. (Assistant bangs on the door and says “You’re wanted on set in five minutes Ms. Michele”) Damn it! Fortunately, I’ve remembered my lines. (Lea bends over to James’ unconscious body and gives him a kiss on the cheek) Get better while I’m away. (Cut to inside of James’ head where James Faraci is standing inside his head and dark clouds surround him.)

James Faraci: Where am I? What are you? (A Figure in the darkness pulls out a Sonic Screwdriver and dark clouds inside James’ head screams as the sounds of a Sonic Screwdriver run through and dissipate the dark clouds into harmless fog) What’s going on? Hey you with the Sonic Screwdriver, Who are you? (Figure walks towards James only to reveal himself to be James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA (Sporting a British Accent): Hello, I am the doctor.

James Faraci: Bullshit. (James Faraci the Last of the Americans laughs and then sighs then sounds like James.)

TLOTA: You’re right, I just wanted to say that. I am you, but not what you think of as your subconscious, I am an extension of you. Much like The Nostalgia Critic is an extension of Doug Walker or how “The Blockbuster Buster” is the extension of Eric Rodriguez or how The Rowdy Reviewer is an extension of your friend Chris Lee Moore or Linkara is the extension of Lewis Lovhaug. I’m your extension. I am James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.

James Faraci: Okay so what about why my memories became Swiss cheese or what those dark clouds were?

TLOTA: Your mind didn’t want handle the loss, the pain and the anguish of the last six years so you tucked it away until it became a part of you, the part you didn’t want to deal with, that’s why you & I chose the Spider-Man movies by Sam Raimi, to remind you of what one of the catalysts was to make me. (Show clips from the first two of the three Spider-Man movies by Sam Raimi with The Last Of The Americans doing a voice over) The first movie was a reminder that your faith in movies needed to be revived. The second one was the one that shook your faith in how Hollywood made movies. (Cut to James & The Last Of The Americans inside James’ head.) But the one we’re going to face now is the one that destroyed that faith that Hollywood can make consistently great movies into realizing Hollywood wants to make the quick buck. Spider-Man 3 (Show Spider-Man 3 opening credit then clips of Spider-Man 3) This is the one movie that you were nervous the most about, because there was so much hype behind it, so much to wonder and that hype & wonder turned you against the Wall Crawler when you came to that realization. (Cut back to James & The Last Of The Americans inside James’ head.) Plus with him like a Jackass revealing himself in the midst of Marvel’s Civil War, One More Day then his association with Obama made you hate Spider-Man for good and good reason.

James Faraci: But how can this be one of the catalysts for why I made you? We’re going to sit through this together to find out aren’t we?

TLOTA: You betcha (Cut to Opening scene with The Last Of The Americans & James Faraci doing a voice over the clips) So the movie begins with Spider-Man being beloved by all, Peter and Mary Jane are happy as their lives are moving forward, so much so Mary Jane is in the next big musical. (Show clip of Mary Jane singing and cut to James & The Last Of The Americans with a disgusted look on both their faces)

James Faraci: Wow, if she was on American Idol she’d never make it past the audition round. But wait a minute, what about Harry?

TLOTA: He’s been planning his unnecessary revenge. (Show clips of evolution of Goblin masks & Gliders and then Harry coming out of the Performance enhancers’ inhalation chamber. Then back to both James & TLOTA doing voice over video clips.)Of course sneaking up behind Peter helped Harry out in the battle.

Harry Osborn: You knew this was coming, Pete!

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): The fact Peter tells Harry the truth doesn’t seem to faze Harry’s dogged determination to put Peter in a pine box but after some cognitive recalibration Harry wakes up in the Hospital having no memory of what happened to him or his father.

TLOTA (Voice over video clips):  Meanwhile on a date with Mary Jane the Venom Symbiote finds its way to earth and on to Peter’s bike and Flint Marko played by Thomas Hayden Church breaks out of Jail to see his sick daughter & ex-wife but on the run Flint Marko runs into a science experiment involving sand caught in the experiment forcing his body to be reduced to grains of sand, the next morning Flint Marko begins to rebuild himself after being reduced to sand and to the movie’s credit the scene where he sees what happened to him and he tries to pick up his daughter’s necklace is sad but he realizes he’s become “The Sandman”. Meanwhile Peter visits Aunt May at her new apartment to let May know he’s going to ask M.J. to marry Peter meanwhile Mary Jane’s career takes a hit as critics hate her performance and she’s summarily fired from the Broadway show she was in. Ouch!

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): Meanwhile at a Photo shoot we meet Gwen Stacey played by Bryce Dallas Howard, which gets cut off via a crane crash but fortunately Captain Stacey played by James Cromwell aka the farmer from both “Babe” movies and of course Zefram Cochrane from “Star Trek: First Contact” shuts the power down to the block but that doesn’t help but thankfully Spider-Man is there to save Gwen and meet Topher Grace who plays…

Eddie Brock: It’s Brock, sir. Edward Brock Jr. (Scene cuts to James & TLOTA inside James’ mind)

James Faraci: Do you want to say it or should I?

TLOTA: Let’s say it together.

James Faraci: Sounds good.

James Faraci & TLOTA (Together): BULLSHIT!

TLOTA: Look I get that they had to get someone somewhat physically equal to Tobey Maguire but Foreman from “That 70’s Show”?

James Faraci: I could’ve done a better Eddie Brock with my eyes closed. (Ground shakes and things become a bit darker.) What was that?

TLOTA: You haven’t dealt with it but trust me it’s not good. (Scene cuts to Jane Lynch looking into Lea Michele’s trailer to see James’ unconscious body)

Jane Lynch (Internal Monologue): Hmm, it’s him. His existence is an affront to all that I stand for. He looks like he’s unable to defend himself. Perfect (Show Jane Lynch with an evil smile on her face and a dark intent on her mind. Commercial Sting going out with of the American Gladiators first run's final season's ten seconds theme with James Standing next to Army Text saying The Last Of The Americans. Then same commercial sting takes us back to the review.)

(Cut back to both James & TLOTA inside James’ head.)

TLOTA: All right, everything’s stabilized for now. Whatever you said or did, don’t do it again!

James Faraci: I’ll take that into advisement.

(Cut back to both James & TLOTA doing voice over video clips.)

TLOTA(Voice over video clips): Meanwhile The Daily Bugle has seen its sales go down, J. Jonah Jameson’s stress levels being used for comedic purposes and a new job for a staff photographer up for grabs and it’s between Peter & Eddie. But apparently saving a Police Captain’s daughter earns Spidey the key to the city.

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): During the ceremony Gwen & Spider-Man kiss that Iconic kiss from the franchise despite the crowd’s negative reaction of it (Show scene of Little kid saying “No Spider-Man No!” and Gwen Kisses Spider-Man with Spider-Man upside down then show Mary Jane getting pissed off and then Spider-Man gives the thumbs down but turns it to thumbs up and the little kid going Blach! Then scene cuts to James & TLOTA inside James’ head.)

James Faraci: I don’t know whether to agree with Spidey’s first hand gesture or that kid.

TLOTA: Why not both?

James Faraci: Sounds good to me (Both giving the moment the Thumbs Down and saying BLACH! Cut back to both James & TLOTA doing voice over video clips.)

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): However in Mid-Ceremony, The Sandman makes his first appearance in sight of Spider-Man. The two fight for a bit inside an armored truck but The Sandman gets away with the cash and Peter is left to wonder where guys like The Sandman comes from.

Peter Parker: Where do all these guys come from?

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): Told ya.

TLOTA (Voice over video clips): Well Peter’s romantic night where he’s going to propose goes south because A) Mary Jane is still pissed about Spidey kissing Gwen and B) She tells Peter about being fired from her Broadway show & C) Gwen Stacey drops by definitely not good timing by Gwen or Peter & Mary Jane. But the moment is saved by Bruce Campbell doing an Inspector Clouseau impression as the Maître D and to Bruce’s credit his Clouseau is better than Steve Martin’s in those embarrassing two movies.

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): Making things worse Captain Stacey tells both Aunt May & Peter that apparently the thief that got away with the Pro-Wrestling organization’s money that Peter was at that night where Uncle Ben was murdered wasn’t Uncle Ben’s murderer it was The Sandman (Show clip of Robot Chicken’s M. Night Shyamalan saying “What a twist!”)

TLOTA (Voice over video clips): Peter takes the news rather well for Peter that is.

Peter Parker: No, you’re not doing your job. I watched my Uncle die and we chased down the wrong man. Now you’re telling me you had suspicions for two years? Witnesses? Why weren’t we told about this?

Captain Stacey: Settle down

Peter Parker: I have no intention of settling down! This man killed my uncle and he’s still out there!

(Scene cuts to James & TLOTA inside James’ head)

James Faraci: Good lord, any more of that whining and he’ll make Robin from “Batman & Robin” sound butch in comparison.

(Cut back to both James & TLOTA doing voice over video clips.)

TLOTA (Voice over video clips): Well as one would suspect Peter is waiting for the Police Scanner for it to call that the Sandman is around. But all that pent up rage interests the Symbiote as it merges with Spider-Man giving Spidey his Dark Spider-Man suit. Peter not totally being rock stupid takes a sample of it to Dr. Connors to see what it is.

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): But no time to wait for Dr. Connors’ test results Peter hears on the Police Scanner that The Sandman has been seen at a bank and puts on the Dark Spider-Man suit to take on The Sandman. (Show clip of Dark Spider-Man in the subway with The Sandman)

Dark Spider-Man: Flint Marko!

Sandman: What do you want from me?

Dark Spider-Man: Remember Ben Parker? The old man you shot down in cold blood?

Sandman: What does it matter to you, anyway?

Dark Spider-Man: EVERYTHING!

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): Its official, Robin from “Batman & Robin” is more butch than Spider-Man. But having said that, the battle in the subway is well choreographed. (Show clip of Sandman falling in a puddle and beginning to disintegrate and Dark Spider-Man opens up the water main fully disintegrating Sandman with Dark Spider-Man saying “Good Riddance” then cut to James & TLOTA inside James’ head)

James Faraci: Looks like Spider-Man sent The Sandman (James & TLOTA take off their glasses and put on fashionable shades) to sleep at the bottom of the Hudson river (Show clip of CSI Miami intro where Roger Daltrey shouts eyeahh! And opening scene then cut back to James & TLOTA doing voiceover video clips)

TLOTA (Voice over video clips): While the symbiote appears to slowly begin to take control of Peter. Mary Jane gets a singing waitress’s job at a bar and Harry and Mary Jane get together for a friendly get together which gets a little more than that and unfortunately reactivates Harry’s dormant memories and Harry begins to plot against Spider-Man again this time using Mary Jane as a pawn.

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): Definitely not good seeing as how Peter is not fully there and the symbiote has some control over him and the battle doesn’t fare well for either (Show clips of the fight between Peter & Harry then Peter mocking Harry intercut with clips of The Nostalgia Critic whining over Robin from “Batman & Robin” then cut back to Harry throwing a smart bomb towards Peter which Peter throws back at Harry as it goes kablamo.) The next day The Daily Bugle shows a doctored photo Eddie Brock made which pisses Peter off. Peter decides to find the original and show it to Jameson which gets Eddie fired and Peter the Staff Photographer job and finally Dr. Connors discovers that the symbiote is dangerous but we don’t have time for that. We’ve got the Symbiote fully in charge of Peter Parker causing chaos as the Spider-Man movie franchise finally shoots itself in the foot. (Show Peter Parker dancing & being an arrogant prick eventually hurting Mary Jane in the process then cut to James & TLOTA inside James’ head)

James Faraci: I think it’s safe to say Sam Raimi should thank his Lucky stars that he was able to get work after this.

TLOTA: I think he does.

(Cut back to both James & TLOTA doing voice over video clips.)

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): But that moment Peter realizes the symbiote is in the driver seat is when he decides to try to get rid of it using the vibrations of a church bell.

TLOTA (Voice over video clips): Well which church bell could it be? Why the same church bell where Eddie is praying for God to axe Peter Parker.

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): Like he would do anything like that.

TLOTA (Voice over video clips): But then again God does favor the wicked and punish the good because the symbiote finds a new host in Eddie Brock and with the symbiote armed with Spider-Man’s abilities the two become VENOM!

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): Meanwhile The Sandman reforms himself and teams up with Venom just to kidnap Mary Jane. Knowing he can’t do this on his own he begs Harry to help but after nearly being incinerated by Spidey, Harry tells Spidey to piss off. Eventually the truth about Harry’s dad FINALLY gets through Harry’s thick skull and who tells him that, The Butler, THE FUCKING BUTLER! The guy who had a total of less than one minute total in the Spider-Man franchise combined, I think Bruce Campbell had more screen time & he played three different characters. However Harry’s involvement to help Spider-Man came not a moment too soon as both Venom & Sandman puts the walloping to Spidey and just as you thought Spider-Man dancing and acting like an arrogant prick didn’t put the Spider-Man franchise down like a dog I think hardcore Spider-Man fans know that a Goblin and Spider-Man have not nor have they ever worked side by side, but thankfully it doesn’t last long. (Show clip of Harry being stabbed by his own glider then cut to scene of Maid Marian from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” reacting to the Sheriff of Rottenham getting stabbed then back to Spider-Man 3 clips) Eventually Peter uses vibrations to separate Venom & Eddie Brock then bombs both the Symbiote & Eddie Brock straight to hell along with the Spider-Man franchise and the final confrontation between Peter & The Sandman finally occurs where The Sandman tells Peter that the gun going off was accidental and Peter’s Uncle’s death was accidental but it’s still technically murder but Peter forgives The Sandman and Harry dies.

Peter Parker (Narrating): Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside of us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself. It’s the choices that makes us who we are and we can always choose to do what’s right.

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): Unless you’re the filmmakers who give us an ending where Peter watches Mary Jane at the Bar she’s working at & where he humiliated her earlier.

TLOTA (Voice over video clips): What did you expect a heroic ending when Peter & Spider-Man was acting like a Jackass throughout the whole movie?

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): Point taken

(Show ending of Spider-Man 3 then cut to James & TLOTA inside James’ head)

James Faraci: So do you want to say it or should I?

TLOTA: How about we do it together?

James Faraci: Sounds good to me.

James Faraci & TLOTA (Together): THIS MOVIE WAS HORRENDOUS! (Show clips of Spider-Man 3 while James & TLOTA doing voice over clips.)

TLOTA (Voice over video clips): The story was rushed faster than Sonic the Hedgehog in super turbo mode, the CGI can go from decent to obviously bad and outside of Sam Raimi & James Franco the path of career destruction is equal to that of three movies starring Shia LaBeouf. But to Spider-Man 3’s very little credit there were some decent moments and though the story was rushed, I believe that Sam Raimi somewhere in the back of his head believed that this was going to be his last Hurrah as the man behind The Spider-Man movies so he threw everything he wanted and the one thing the fans wanted which was Venom but when it got rushed fans did get upset but when you throw everything including the Kitchen sink into something you kind of have to look back and wonder what happened.

James Faraci (Voice over video clips): But that was also a bit of a problem with the first two as well Sam Raimi threw everything he could and what could work did work but everything else was lackluster and that’s a shame Sam Raimi made one of my favorite movies of all time “Army Of Darkness” and before I get a ton of E-Mails and messages I have seen the other two Evil Dead movies and they were amazing, the remake eh not so much. But for all intent and purposes the fact that this had to carry a brand that was not doing well at all and this was just another nail in the coffin. (Scene cuts to James & TLOTA inside James’ head.)

James Faraci: And to compound matters is I could make a better story for a movie franchise like Spider-Man. But I never got that break, in fact I never got anything close to a break for me and my goals, my hopes & my desires and I need to know one thing.
TLOTA: What’s that?

James Faraci (Shouting in anger): WHY?! (The word why echoes which shakes the ground inside James’ head re-releasing the darkness that James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans had held at bay.)

TLOTA: Why did you reawaken it?

James Faraci: I have no idea and I don’t know what “IT” is.

TLOTA: Well, I’ll tell you this right now it ain’t Tim Curry! (Ground shakes harder as the darkness starts to change as Scene cuts to with Chris Colfer enjoying a bite to eat from the Craft Service table and sees Lea Michele running towards Chris as he shouts WHOA! As Lea collides with Chris.)

Chris Colfer: Lea, what’s wrong?

Lea Michele: Jane. James trouble gonna die!

Chris Colfer: You’re going fifty five times faster than usual, what’s wrong? (Naya Rivera shouts off screen “GANGWAY!”  As she comes barreling after Lea Michele and collides with Chris & Lea) Naya, what is Lea going on about?

Naya Rivera: Remember the Halloween Karaoke get together & the New Year’s Eve party we all had.

Chris Colfer: Yeah, who else was there?

Lea Michele: JAMES!

Chris Colfer: Who? (Thinks for two seconds) Oh the guy who is that “Last Of The Americans” reviewer guy online. What’s going on with him?

Naya Rivera: Jane Lynch has the keys to Lea’s Trailer. Jane has had it out for James since she heard of him and if we can’t get to Lea’s trailer before Jane does James is going to join Cory.

(Chris Colfer’s eyes expand as the three run out of the set as scene cuts to James lying down in Lea’s bed as “Vale Decem” plays in the foreground as Jane looks in disgust of James and grabs a chef’s knife. Scene cuts to back inside James’ mind as ground stops rumbling dark clouds take physical form and takes shape of Christy Romano. James walks up to it)

James Faraci: I know what that is, it’s my past.

TLOTA: Why keep it around? It’ll keep you where you are. Don’t you deserve a future?

(James ponders that thought as scene cuts to Lea Michele, Naya Rivera & Chris Colfer running in slow motion trying to get to Lea’s trailer at 00:54-01:30 of “Vale Decem” as scene cuts to Jane Lynch ready to kill James as he lies in unconsciousness.)

Jane Lynch: To kill you will be for the greater good!

(Scene cuts to Naya, Chris & Lea Michele running while Lea pulls out her Sonic Screwdriver at 01:45 moment of “Vale Decem” and scene cuts to Jane Lynch hovering over James’ body.)

Jane Lynch: From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee! (Scene cuts to Lea Michele using the Sonic Screwdriver to pull off the door to her trailer then cuts back to Jane Lynch with Chef’s knife over James’ midsection) For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee! (Cut to inside James’ head where James, TLOTA & His past.)

TLOTA: You must let it go. I can help you the only way you know how. (Pulls out the Sword of Caliverti and hands it to James at 02:00 mark of “Vale Decem” as James continues to ponder then James has a determined look on his face and with the sword in hand at 02:05 mark of “Vale Decem”. By 02:08 mark of “Vale Decem” scene cuts to Lea’s trailer as Naya, Chris & Lea shout “JANE!”  And Jane Lynch turns around with the Chef’s knife By 02:15 mark of “Vale Decem” scene cuts back to James & TLOTA inside James’ head and James looking as if he’s made a decision.)

James Faraci: I know what I have to do. (Shouts in anger As James turns and stabs TLOTA through his midsection at 02:22 mark of “Vale Decem”)I knew something was off. You are the wicked, you thought you could control me by making me destroy what I can’t get rid of and I will not give into you.  I banish you forever! (TLOTA screams NO!  demonically at 02:40 mark of “Vale Decem” & James strikes the floor of his head at Scene cuts back to James’ head at 02:47 mark of “Vale Decem” as James hits the floor inside his head and blinding light blocks all and at 02: 53 mark of “Vale Decem” scene cuts to James as he reawakens with his eyes turning white and electricity shoots from James’ eyes  he stands up and everything on James becomes the bluish white light like in Quantum Leap while electricity courses through him to knock Jane Lynch off her feet and Lea looks as James’s clothes change to tan work boots, Blue jeans and a Black tee shirt with The American Flag on it and bluish white light fades to see James look just like he did as Jane Lynch wakes up to see the new James Faraci as “Words win wars” play in the background.)

Jane Lynch: OH CRAP! You’re back!

TLOTA: And better than ever.

Chris Colfer:  Wha..How..Huh?

Naya Rivera: What happened?

TLOTA: I’m Red Blooded, White with fury and I’m damned proud to be Blue Collared.

Lea Michele: James?

TLOTA: That’s right Lea, it’s me and I’m not going anywhere. (Lea, Jane, Naya & Chris look at James as he heroically poses and all four of them tilt their head in bemusement.)  I am James Faraci & I am The Last Of The Americans. (Jane, Naya, Chris & Lea are looking at James as if he grew a second head while he looks at his new threads)Like the look? (James gives a smile as scene cuts to James looking at the sunset on a hill as “Corynorhinus” from Batman Begins plays in the foreground as Lea Michele walks up next to him at 00:22 mark of “Corynorhinus” from Batman Begins.)

Lea Michele: So everything is?

TLOTA: Back to normal? Yeah, pretty much. I see you’ve become proficient with your Sonic Screwdriver, but after everything I’ve been through, I can’t ask you to stay with me. (The two of them look at each other in silence at the 00:50-01:12 mark of “Corynorhinus” from Batman Begins as a tear wells in Lea’s eyes and James wipes them away as gently as he can)

Lea Michele: So what our lives just go on and I forget that you were in my life?

TLOTA: No, just do what you’re doing now and have faith that we’ll be together soon. But for now… (James kisses Lea on her lips at 01:59-02:29 mark of “Corynorhinus” from Batman Begins.) Goodbye. (James walks away from Lea at 02:31-02:52 mark of “Corynorhinus” from Batman Begins when Lea runs to James and the two fall together down the hill and sweeping romanticized version of the opening theme from the 1990’s X-Men cartoon from “The Phoenix Saga” play as Lea & James kiss again)

Lea Michele: You are THE best thing since I lost Cory, you made me laugh when I needed it and damn it I need you now, forget what you think about why we shouldn’t be together and think why we should be together and I know you’ll come to the same conclusion as I did.

TLOTA: I never thought that it this could happen. But if you’re willing to do this, so am I (Lea smiles then James smiles and the two kiss again as the scene fade cuts to James’ room and the two are in mid conversation.) And that’s why I hunt deer, it’s not Bambi I’m after. It’s Bambi saying “That one is too dumb to…” (James notices the keys to the vault out on the desk.) Why are the keys to the vault out on the desk? ORAC! (James Grabs keys and ORAC to then scene cuts to the backroom then accesses the entry panel to the vault.) Lea, I’ve got a lot to explain, I know it but this is an emergency. ORAC access the last entry time after the P.H. incident. Lea, it’s a long drop down. Hang on. (James turns the keys the same way to activate a nuclear bomb and elevator drops the two down to the vault.) You okay? (Lea looks at herself in a reflective surface and sees her hair is like the Bride of Frankenstein but quickly shakes her hair back to normal)

Lea Michele: Nothing I couldn’t handle. (The two walk down a hallway to entry door as James access the entry door.)

TLOTA: Okay, the ring and gem from the gauntlet are here. The locket is still in its case. So that leaves… ORAC!

ORAC: Yes James.

TLOTA: Send two messages to everyone. The first one is to let everyone know, the wicked has been unleashed.

ORAC: And the second (Show empty sword sheath.)

TLOTA(Audio only): The sword is in play!

Should the Romantic Comedy genre die?

(Commercial Sting with of the American Gladiators first run's final season's ten seconds theme with James Standing next to Army Text saying The Last Of The Americans. Then a rubber stamp stamps over the entire thing the word Editorial)

ORAC: Disclaimer: The Following was pre-written prior to the current events involving James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. By the time this gets posted it'll be February and as such I'll have to deal with the WORST holiday on the planet "Valentine's Day" & as a guy I can say there are no words in the English language or any real or fictional language to express the disdain towards this Holiday I have! What's worst is that they dump every bad Romantic Comedy movie they can in the first fourteen days of February and the male population suffer for it. But believe it or not, there was a time when believe it or not men & women enjoyed the romantic comedy I think it's because men could get a laugh at how dumb the romantic aspect was in the film and the women could enjoy looking at those guys they wish they could have instead of being stuck with guys like myself or my friends at Rowdyc.com. But with all that said the question I ask is "Should the Romantic Comedy Genre die?" . For me, I'm not sure because quite honestly, I think it needs a reboot. Maybe the genre needs more movies like "Clerks" or "Chasing Amy" movies that have REAL average looking guys get the girls. As a matter of fact Carlos Mencia has said in his stand up that the average looking guy that befriends the good looking girl does have feelings she should have some consideration for HIS feelings maybe try to see if that fella who is the friend have romantic feelings towards her and see if he wants a shot at her and if it works allow the natural growth of those romantic feelings make it feel realistic. But the more I think of this, the more I think maybe there should be more Romantic Comedies from the man's point of view, not the woman's. We've seen that done to death. As a matter of fact the biggest criticism I have towards the movie "Valentine's Day" it's written from a female's perspective about a male's perspective on Valentine's day and particularly from someone who's perspective on the Genre hasn't changed in fifty years. When in reality, most men would rather be neutered by Lorena Bobbit than watch the sappy and stupid Romantic Comedy. That's also what needs to be injected into the Genre, Real World Common Logical Sense. If a guy falls for a girl and doesn't have the cojones fight for her or express his true feelings for her, then he deserves his lifetime in purgatory crying "Why does nothing good come my way?" and the female SHOULD give the guy who has been busting his ass, walking barefoot through all nine levels of Dante's Inferno just to get to her give the guy a break. With that said, will we see this in the genre? Probably not but until then consider the Romantic comedy barely alive on life support. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to deal with my problems the only way I know how, get plastered on Martinelli's non alcoholic Apple Cider at a party and wake up hoping not having to deal with Valentine's day. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans & That's My Opinion.

Another "Spider" Bite

Hey guys James here, The following was pre-written before the death of Justin Carmical otherwise known as "JewWario". There's no easy way of saying this outside of it was tragic and My condolences go to his family, his friends & loved ones. I never knew him personally but his infectious love of this  occupation helped inspire me. He was the funniest one in "Kickassia", "Suburban Knights" & "To Boldly Flee". Having said all of that, the remainder of reviews and editorials of this year I dedicate to the memory of Justin "JewWario" Carmical. (Fade out and ORAC is heard audibly)

ORAC (Audio only):Previously on James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans. 

Rowdy: Well it looks like you’re on your way back. (Rowdy’s phone goes off) One second. Hello (Muted horn play representing other person talking like in a “Peanuts” Special.) Dang it, I got to go, all the pre-recorded episodes I did when I heard about what happened to you are all posted and I got to get back to do my reviews down where I live in the Dallas/Fort Worth/Arlington area of Texas. Good luck and Stay Rowdy My Friend. (Rowdy pops out as James & Lea sit there in surprise)

Lea Michele: Wow, how did he do that?

TLOTA: He has a genie. How did I know that? (Lea Michele grabs Tri-corder, scans James)

Lea Michele ORAC, what’s the latest findings?

ORAC: According to the scanner some of his memories are beginning to return and his brain is integrating the data from the returning memories to what he’s been though for the past six years. He must watch the next movie in Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man movie series to continue the progress.

TLOTA: So what am I waiting for? (James walks over to Spider-Man 2 & grabs it and it hurts him even worse than grabbing the first Spider-Man and he drops it only for Lea Michele to grab it and see the cover.)

ORAC(Audio): And now the continuation. 

(Music from the last seasons of the Original Run of American Gladiators play Speedy shot of James Faraci breaking through the American Flag, working out, fighting bad cinema, bad pop culture anything bad in the world with a picture of the White House appears in the background as Jack Swagger, Zeb Coulter and President Obama appear in the foreground as all three fall as James Faraci stands alone and tall and in Army text the words of The Last Of The Americans stand by his side)

TLOTA: So the last one hurt me a little but this one hurt me more. I wonder why?

Lea Michele: Maybe this is why. (Lea Michele shows James the quote The Late Roger Ebert said “The Best Superhero movie I’ve ever seen.”)

TLOTA: “THE best Superhero movie I’ve ever seen” Roger Ebert said that. Roger Ebert one of the greatest cinematic critics whose favorite movie was “Citizen Kane” while he was alive said that THIS was the best Superhero move he’d ever seen?!  (Show clips of “Spider-Man 2” with James doing a voice over) This was the first movie I ever saw that made me growl in anger and the stupid that I thought would’ve been corrected from the last film is intensified in this one. The plot is about a few steps away from bad as bad can get and even I can see that this movie will hurt & I’ve got Swiss cheese memory. (Show James & Lea in James’ room) So let’s get through “Spider-Man 2”.

TLOTA (voice over the video): So as the movie begins we see Mary Jane has become the face of a perfume and is an actress on Broadway meanwhile Peter has got a job delivering Pizzas for supplemental income. Well wait a minute, wasn’t he living with Harry at the end of the last movie or did Harry throw Peter out by the end of the last movie no answers but there’s a reason why but that’s for later as Peter’s Pizza delivery job lasts about as long as a Chinese Buffet’s chance of staying in business once I get into line, which is about five minutes, so thanks pointless plot point! Meanwhile Peter Parker refuses to hand J. Jonah Jameson any more photos of Spider-Man because Jameson is making Spider-Man look like Osama Bin Laden! But eventually he relents for one photo to be used also Jameson apparently hires & fires Peter in almost every scene Jameson & Peter are in (Show clips of J. Jonah Jameson saying to Peter Parker “You’re Fired & You’re hired.” Repeatedly before cutting to James & Lea) KNOCK IT OFF, H. Ross Perot flip flopped less than you when he was running for president about running for president, TWICE! (Cut back to voice over video) In fact Peter has more problems with staying on a schedule especially with a paper that Peter needs to write on Dr. Otto Octavius played by Alfred Molina which by coincidence Harry who is running Oscorp now and is funding a project with Dr. Octavius and can help Peter with his paper. But Aunt May is having financial problems as well and with Uncle Ben being dead for two years thanks for filling us in that two years has passed and Mary Jane is in a stable relationship and Peter’s landlord Mr. Dikovitch seems to want one thing from Peter. (Show every clip of Mr. Dikovitch saying “Rent” to Peter) Meanwhile Peter and Otto Octavius meet as Peter sees the experiment he’s working on with Fusion sustainability. But Peter is nervous that it might not gonna work, but to calm him, Dr. Octavius invites Peter to the experiment for the next day. But the night before Peter tries but fails to make it due to a crime in process to see Mary Jane’s show and is turned away by Bruce Campbell. (Show clip of Bruce Campbell turning Peter Parker away)Thanks Bruce, you were used so well in this. Meanwhile Peter finally sees Mary Jane with her boyfriend John Jameson. That’s right Mary Jane is dating Peter’s boss’s son. Hoping to numb himself he decides to web sling until his powers begin to wane and takes an elevator with Hal Sparks (Show clip of Spider-Man & Hal Sparks in the elevator and stays there for far too long until scene cuts to James & Lea and James becomes angry) MAKE A POINT! (Cut back to voice over video clips.) Well there’s no point in trying to make a scene make a point we’ve got an experiment to see as Dr. Octavius and his mechanical harness prepare Dr. Octavius’s fusion experiment with a small amount of Tritium to kick start the project. But the project goes south quickly as the electromagnetism takes a spike in power. (Show clips of metallic objects going into the fusion experiment cutting to James and Lea seeing their metallic devices are going to the fusion experiment then back to audio over video clips) but the spike also bends the metal in the frame killing Otto’s wife Rosie and fusing the harness to Otto Octavius ruining the experiment and ending the future of Oscorp. Harry takes the setback in stride.

Harry Osborn: I’m ruined! I have nothing left except Spider-Man. He humiliated me by touching me! (Scene cuts to James & Lea)

Lea Michele: Well I don’t know about you but you look like you need a break.

TLOTA: No disagreement here but if there are more scenes that make no point, I might go Nuclear!

(Commercial Sting going out with of the American Gladiators first run's final season's ten seconds theme with James Standing next to Army Text saying The Last Of The Americans. Then same commercial sting takes us back to the review.)

(Show video with James doing voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over the video clips): So while the experiment may have been a dud Otto’s harness fusing to him brings to life the one and only Dr. Octopus.

Dr. Octopus: NO!

TLOTA (Voice over the video clips): Adding to his misery that he has four more limbs, his wife who had little to do except die in order to send Dr. Octopus over to the looney side, and with everything making little to no ounce of a point in this thing, I might be joining him, his new mechanical limbs tell him to rebuild. But as Peter & Aunt May are turned down for a refinance to pay off the Parker house by Joel McHale of “The Soup”. Meanwhile Spider-Man and Doctor Octopus battle for the first time Doctor Octopus kidnaps Aunt May and I will admit this battle was well done and Aunt May with Spider-Man defeats Doctor Octopus but he gets away with the cash, so it’s a mixed bag of an ending to their first confrontation. Meanwhile, Peter is given a job taking Photos of a high society party where, get ready, Mary Jane and John Jameson announce their engagement! (Show photo of Peter looking down in the dumps and a nuclear explosion in the background is shown.) If that wasn’t enough of a karmic bitch slap for Peter his powers finally give out and after going out with Ben as his moral core saying he should continue on as his powers finally go on him he decides to call it quits as Spider-Man. (Show clip of Peter Parker now powerless making more of an effort to be Peter Parker while “Raindrops keep falling on my head” by B.J. Thomas plays) So when the news Spider-Man calls it quits J. Jonah Jameson celebrates like it’s 1999 again but Peter finally makes it to see Mary Jane in the play but it doesn’t matter Mary Jane hammers in that she & John are getting married and that’s it and to really make the fan boys who wanted to see Mary Jane & Peter hook up growl like bulldogs Mary Jane & John reenact the infamous kiss from the first movie! But enough about that Peter tells Aunt May about what happened two years ago.

Peter Parker: Aunt May, you don’t have to punish yourself. I’m responsible. For what happened to Uncle Ben. He drove me to the Library, but I never went in. I went someplace else. Someplace where I thought I could win some money to buy a car, because I wanted to impress Mary Jane. It happened so fast. I won the money and the guy wouldn’t pay me, then he got robbed. The thief was running towards me. I could’ve stopped him but I wanted revenge. I let him go. I let him get away. He wanted a car. He tried to take Uncle Ben’s. Uncle Ben said no and then he shot him. Uncle Ben was killed that night for being the only one who did the right thing. And I… I held his hand when he died.

TLOTA (Voice over the video clips): Aunt May handles that revelation rather well. (Show clip of Aunt May walking away from Peter.) Eventually she forgives her nephew for being responsible for playing a part in her husband’s murder decides to sell the house and we get THE lamest comedic moment in this movie. (Show clip of Peter Parker taking a leap off a building.)

Peter Parker: I’m Back! I’M BACK! (Hollers in excitement until he falls then grabs clothesline and lands on car.) My back, my back!

TLOTA (Voice over the video clips): Meanwhile Dr. Octopus has been rebuilding his fusion machine and needs the tritium from Harry. Harry will give Dr. Octopus the Tritium if Dr. Octopus hands Spider-Man over to Harry to finish him off.  But as Peter and Mary Jane have a conversation whether or not she’s doing the right thing by marrying John Jameson, I’ll give you one guess who literally crashes the conversation.  (Show clip of a car crashing into the café as Peter’s Spider sense returns and Peter moves Mary Jane out of the way.)

Dr. Octopus: Peter Parker. I want you to find your friend Spider-Man. Tell him to meet me at the Westside Tower at 3:00. Find him or I’ll peel the flesh off her bones.

TLOTA (Voice over the video clips): Within that moment Peter’s powers return, secretly grabs his Spider-Man costume from Jameson’s office and no it’s not explained how he snuck in, grabbed the suit and left the note quickly but who cares Spider-Man’s back and refreshed to battle Doc Ock one more time(Show clips of second battle between Dr. Octopus & Spider-Man). The fight eventually leads them to an El Car subway which I think doesn’t exist in New York City which is where Spider-Man and the majority of Marvel’s superheroes reside in which Doc Ock causes damage to people on that car, boosts the speed and destroys the braking system. However Spider-Man eventually finds a way to save them even if the look on his face is one of extreme constipation and Doc Ock grabs Spidey to hand over to Harry after knocking the wall crawler out, though having been extremely worn out from stopping the train. Before Harry can axe Spider-Man, he finds out Peter is Spider-Man. Harry tells Peter about what Doc Ock is up to. Peter tells Harry that Doc Ock has Mary Jane but Peter tells him to hold off the vendetta to save Mary Jane who wants to get out of there but Doc Ock puts logic into the picture.

Dr. Octopus: I can’t let you go, you’d bring the police. Not that anyone could stop me now that Spider-Man is dead.

Mary Jane: He’s not dead. I don’t believe you.

Dr. Octopus: Believe it.

TLOTA (Voice over the video clips): As Doc Ock reactivates the machine Spider-Man comes in to stop him one more time as the fusion reaction goes even more haywire and becomes self-sustaining Spidey decides to unmask himself and try to reason with him scientific mind to scientific mind after finally getting through Doc Ock’s thick skull Dr. Octopus sacrifices himself to destroy the fusion experiment just as Mary Jane discovers that Spider-Man and Peter Parker are one and the same. Quickly getting out of harm’s way Peter tells Mary Jane to have a fantastic life with John and he’ll be there for her and goes off into the night. Meanwhile Harry is haunted by the spirit of the Green Goblin posing as Norman Osborn and Harry discovers the formula of the Goblin as well as the glider, suit and weapons. But enough setting up a character arc for the third movie, Mary Jane & John Jameson get married have a fantastic life together and Spider-Man will forever remain alone. (Show clip of Mary Jane going away from the church and Peter sitting in his apartment lamenting over the one he thinks he lost forever when Mary Jane stands in the doorway.)

Mary Jane: Had to do what I had to do. (Scene cuts to James starting to get angry and Lea Michele grabbing a military helmet then cut back to Mary Jane) Peter, I can’t survive without you. (Scene cuts to James getting really mad and Lea Michele trying to find a place to hide when James blows up like a nuclear bomb then cuts back to Mary Jane) I know you think we can’t be together. But can’t you respect me enough to make my own decision? I know there’ll be risks. But I want to face them with you. (Scene cuts to James as steam comes out of his ears and other openings as Lea Michele finds a hiding spot in the closet with ORAC then cut back to Mary Jane.)  It’s wrong that we should only be half-alive, half of ourselves. I love you. So here I am standing in your doorway. I’ve always been standing in your doorway. Isn’t it about time someone saved your life? (Scene cuts to James shaking in rage, ready to nuke the whole of Northern America off the map before cutting back to Mary Jane & Peter.) Well say something.

Peter Parker: Thank you Mary Jane Watson. (Show scene of the two kissing as emergency sirens blare and Peter wonders what to do.)

Mary Jane:  Go get them, Tiger. (Show ending then cut to James sitting in his room apparently calmed down)

TLOTA: So, Mary Jane Watson disregarded Peter’s wishes, decides to put her life on the line by hooking up with Peter and everyone is okay with that. (James smiles for a few seconds before quickly getting angry and slams the table, shouts “BULLSHIT!” in deep low booming roar as it cuts to stock video of a house being blown up then a nuclear explosion wiping out most of small town USA then a clip of Back To The Future Part III when the train pushing the Delorean up to speed even getting the clip of Clara flying and doing a Daffy Duck style Hoo-hoo! Then cut back to James lying back in his chair, Lea stepping out of the hole with ORAC and the two look outside of James’ window to see complete devastation.) Sorry, but it was worth it, this movie was a mess! (Show clips of Spider-Man 2 with James doing a voiceover) The endless pointless plot points go on for an eternity, the endless supply of pointless supplemental characters will drive anyone mad, the story is barely fleshed out & never explains a damned thing about what happened in the two years since the first movie not even on the Director’s cut on DVD. Oh yeah, in case you’re a glutton for dumb there’s a Director’s cut on DVD that explains less than the Theatrical cut. If the late Roger Ebert said that Spider-Man 2 was The Best Superhero Movie he ever saw, than in his later years he was on something because it’s one of the lamest I’VE ever seen. (Cut back to James and Lea) But to my surprise, there’s one more and I hope it’s better than I hope my Swiss cheese memory remembers it. (James grabs Spider-Man 3 and extreme pain courses through James and Lea Michele grabs the medical Tri-Corder)

Lea Michele: ORAC, what’s going on?

ORAC: According to the latest scans the bad memories have flooded over every memory that has recently been reintegrated.

Lea Michele: What caused it?

TLOTA (Sounding dark & demonic with his eyes glowing with black flames): Spider-Man 3 (Dark Spider-Man theme from Spider-Man 3 play in the background and James smiles a wicked grin.)

TO BE CONCLUDED...

Was "Demo Reel" that bad?

(Commercial Sting with of the American Gladiators first run's final season's ten seconds theme with James Standing next to Army Text saying The Last Of The Americans. Then a rubber stamp stamps over the entire thing the word Editorial)

ORAC: Disclaimer: The Following was pre-written prior to the current events involving James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. In 2012 Doug Walker alias The Nostalgia Critic decided to retire his well known persona in the fourth anniversary special "To Boldly Flee" with that came a moment where everyone wondered "What was going to happen next?" what happened was "Demo Reel" & I am saying it was not worse than Melvin: Brother Of The Joker & The Nostalgia Critic's Let's Play. I 'm saying if people on your site are making jokes about how bad it is, I decided not adding salt & lemon juice into the open wound. But not everything about it was horrendous, it was just not what people were used to when it came from Channel Awesome and Doug Walker. But with that in mind I think I can break into three columns "Demo Reel" & those columns are where it did work, where it didn't & how it could've been better. So let's get to dealing with the three columns with where it did work.

Where "Demo Reel" worked)

"Demo Reel" worked well primarily in the supporting cast of Rachael Tietz as Rebecca Stone`, Malcolm Ray as Tacoma Narrows, Jim Jarosz as Quinn & Rob Walker as Carl Copenhagen. These may be THE best supporting cast on the planet since "The Office" pre-Steve Carell departure after Steve's departure they couldn't hold the series together at all. When they had something funny to do or done to them, it was genuinely funny like when Rebecca Stone` beat the tar out of Psychotic Turkeys while trying to do a live action version of "Wreck It Ralph" and in the episode "Blue Patches" it showed they could do good dramatic work. I also found the concept of "Demo Reel" interesting. But that's where Demo reel worked. Now let's deal with where it didn't work.

Where "Demo Reel" didn't work)

"Demo Reel" didn't work in the material they were parodying. Don't get me wrong I love a good parody. Spaceballs was a fucking RIOT, but the reason the parody worked was because it understood the source material. Unlike two guys named Seltzer & Friedberg who never understands the source of the materials they parody. "Demo Reel" tried to stay close to the source material they were trying to parody did it work? No. Another thing that didn't work was Doug thinking we'd automatically like Donnie DuPre as much as we liked the Nostalgia Critic we got to know the Nostalgia Critic & love his humorous reviews on those movies we dislike and do like. Donnie DuPre was not who we came for and the villains weren't that good either but that's also in the final column.

How "Demo Reel" could've been better)

"Demo Reel" could've been better in certain areas. First one (Show Casper The Friendly Ghost shouting TIMING! moment from "Child's Play 3" crossover between Phelous & Nostalgia Critic) and there's a reason why I did that. The first episode "Demo Reel" aired one month after the final part of "To Boldly Flee" that was a little too quick for people first off, second if he wanted to give us a taste that is where this show was going he could've shown the first episode and then waited until say early January to continue "Demo Reel" by then you could've come to the conclusion that maybe there's room for both "Nostalgia Critic" & "Demo Reel". Second area was the villains, that's not to say they were bad, they were unimaginative. The main antagonist were a Swedeing actors union and in the final episode before the bridging episode "The Review Must Go On" were fans of Donnie's actual past as a former child star who was in two movies that were like two starring a little fella who tried to be the man who would be Darth Vader and a hint of a certain former child star who exacted a bit of revenge on the Nostalgia Critic. The final thing that could've been better was the story arc of the series. Let's just say had Doug & Rob not been the only writers on "Demo Reel" it would've been on right now alongside "Nostalgia Critic"

Now with all that said was "Demo Reel" that bad? Well... let's say it could've been worse. While I am glad for the reboot of the Nostalgia Critic that happened in 2013. I wasn't jumping for joy over "Demo Reel"'s demise in fact I thought things were getting better and while I hope to see a revival of "Demo Reel" and have it in the Channel Awesome continuity let's say I'm not holding my breath in anticipation of it's return. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans & that's my opinion.

The "Spider"'s first bite

(Title card reads on a Black background New Year’s Eve and the clock is counting to midnight from 11:59 starting with ten counting back to one then a crowd shouts “Happy New Year” and Auld Lange Syne is heard in the Background as scene fades to James stumbling into his room after ingesting ten bottles of Martinelli’s Sparkling Non Alcoholic Apple Cider and one partly full bottle in hand with Lea Michele behind him)

TLOTA (Plastered): You know something, I’m glad Ed brought you to me and you know what else I hope Christy & Brandon have a miserable married existence for the next fifty years. (Proceeds to laugh uncontrollably drunk while Lea is looking at James as if she doesn’t want to be there) Say Lea, am I still standing.

Lea Michele: Yes but barely.

TLOTA (Plastered): Okay that’s good (James falls down, bumps his head on the bed and floor as Lea quietly shouts for help. Title Card reads two weeks later as it appears James is coming back into his room)

TLOTA: Whew, that man is barely tolerable, I don’t know how James does it. (James looks at his watch double taps the crystal on it to reveal it’s the Rowdy Reviewer.)

Rowdy: So Lea, any changes? (Cut to Lea using a medical tri-corder trying to use it.)

Lea Michele: Nothing, according to this thing he’s still alive but he’s not comatose.

Rowdy: So what the frack are we to do? (Snaps fingers) Wait a second ORAC! (Rowdy grabs and activates the Sonic Screwdriver next to James’s closet door revealing ORAC)

Lea Michele: Is that ORAC? It’s about the size of a Microwave oven.

Rowdy: This is the main part, James keeps the activation remote card next to… Ah here we are. (Finds activation remote card next to James’ keys to his vault and puts the card into ORAC.) ORAC see if you can use the findings in the Tri-corder to see what’s up with James.

ORAC: According to the data obtained James should be awake in 3, 2, 1. (James groans as the two turn to see James wake up.)

Rowdy: Thank goodness you’re all right James welcome back from the great beyond. (Lea Michele smacks Rowdy in the arm and thinks and quietly apologizes saying “Sorry I forgot”)

TLOTA: I feel like I got hit by the north end of a south bound burro and got kicked in the head by the south end.

Rowdy: Well as long as you’re awake, you’ll be right as rain soon enough.

TLOTA: I appreciate the encouragement but I’ve got a few questions. First off what year is this?

Lea Michele: 2014

TLOTA: 2014?

Rowdy: Yeah and you are a contributor to my site rowdyc.com.

TLOTA: Well, that at least helps so the only other question I have now is, who are you guys? (Rowdy and Lea look at each other and say “Oh Boy!”)

(Music from the last seasons of the Original Run of American Gladiators play Speedy shot of James Faraci breaking through the American Flag, working out, fighting bad cinema, bad pop culture anything bad in the world with a picture of the White House appears in the background as Jack Swagger, Zeb Coulter and President Obama appear in the foreground as all three fall as James Faraci stands alone and tall and in Army text the words of The Last Of The Americans stand by his side)

(Scene cuts to James looking at his own site while Rowdy & Lea sit behind James on his bed)

Lea Michele: Are you sure this will work?

Rowdy: Look according to ORAC he has no memory of the last six years. It might help him out you know kick start his own Swiss cheese memory and fill in the holes quicker than Al, Gushie & Ziggy did for Dr. Sam Beckett. (James chuckles as he reads his own words.)

TLOTA: Is this for real? Let me say this out loud “I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours” do I sound like I need help or what? Oh, I need to use the toilet, I’ll be back. (James walks out to the bathroom)

Lea Michele: So how can we help him now? ORAC any ideas?

ORAC: There is one, one of you must go to the end of the hallway there should be a temperature thermal meter that is hooked up to the water heater/furnace. Flip the bottom switch all the way to the left and the top dial all the way to the right, wait five seconds then enter the door to the left.

Rowdy: I’ll do it.  (Rowdy does what ORAC suggests) So now WHAA…(Echoing scream is barely heard as the door to the left of the thermometer closes as James walks out of the bathroom and back to his room)

TLOTA: Don’t go in there without matches. What happened to that little squirrely guy? Rowdy I think I call him, because I heard this scream as I was relieving myself sounded like someone just disappeared off the face of the earth. (Scene cuts to Rowdy spinning around in a circle eventually getting a glimpse of the TARDIS and E=MC2 and going ooh and getting digital camera to get snapshots then proceeds to scream again until he lands onto the floor face front with Rowdy saying “OW!” and shakes off what happened just to notice a mattress)

Rowdy: How come this mattress isn’t over the landing area ORAC?

ORAC (Audio): Unfortunately there was a misjudgment on my calculations. However the packet you’ll need to find is marked S.R. SPIDER 1-3. Do you see it? (Rowdy looks around to find them)

Rowdy: BINGO! (Rowdy grabs the Packet.) Now to get myself out of here. (Rowdy pulls out communicator) Jeannie. (Rowdy pops out of where he was and pops back to the front door of James’ room) Hey guys I’m back and I’ve got something here to help you out James let’s find out what’s in it. (James grabs the packet to see all three Spider-Man movies directed by Sam Raimi.)

TLOTA: If I’m going see these, I’m going to need assistance. (Scenes of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man Trilogy plays while James does Audio over the clips) Because if I’m going to talk about these movies I have to know why these movies are the way they are. Are they good movies? Are they bad movies? And why they even deserve to be known. (Scene cuts back to James, Lea & Rowdy in James’ room) But I’m doing them one at a time. So let’s start with the first one. (James grabs the first Spider-Man movie and it hurts him.) Don’t know why that happened? (Scene cuts to inside a school bus as James does a voice over the video) So as the movie begins we meet Mary Jane Watson played by Kirsten Dunst and Peter Parker played by Tobey Maguire and with the exception of Mary Jane, Aunt May played by Rosemary Harris, Uncle Ben played by Cliff Robertson, Harry Osborn played by James Franco & Harry’s dad Norman played by Willem Dafoe everyone around him treats him a lot like garbage even the bus driver to the senior trip is a dick!

Mary Jane: Stop the bus! He’s been chasing us since Woodhaven Boulevard.

TLOTA (voice over the video): But as they make their way to Columbia University Science Department in which they’re working on genetically making Super Spiders. It’s also at the entrance at that department where we meet the Osborns Harry & Norman and their relationship is tumultuous at best. It’s also where Peter meets Norman Osborn for the first time and spills that he’s working on a project. But back with the trip it’s here where Peter gets his DNA mucked around with a spider bite from one of the Super Spiders just as Peter gets some photos of Mary Jane and that night back where he lives with his Aunt May & Uncle Ben his DNA is fused with the Spider’s DNA. Meanwhile at Oscorp Norman and his associate are trying to keep their Government contract but in working on a strength enhancing formula like Captain America’s Super-Soldier formula. However we soon discover that General Slocum doesn’t want to keep working with Oscorp.

General Slocum: Dr. Osborn, I’m going to be frank with you. I never supported your program. We have my predecessor to thank for that.

TLOTA (voice over the video): General Slocum has given a green light to Oscorp’s rival to build a weapon that if is successful in two weeks Oscorp is kaput! So what does Norman do? (Cut to James in his room with Lea & Rowdy where he sets up a multiple choice answer) Does Norman: A) Hire a volunteer. B) Get all the kinks out of the formula but the General being a gigantic D-Bag ends the contract because he is a D-Bag or C) Test it out on himself?

Lea Michele: I’m going with B

Rowdy: Myself as Henry Winkler said it best in Happy Days A!

TLOTA: I’m going with C (Show clip of Norman Osborn preparing to test the formula on himself and proceeds to gain his alter-ego The Green Goblin before cutting back to the three back in James’ room) if you guessed C congratulations you’re as much an idiot as I am.  (Cut back voice over the video)The next day Peter discovers he now has better vision, a set of muscles that could make Arnold Schwarzenegger think is okay and the strength to go with it, he can stick to substances like glue, can shoot webs from his wrists and take down bullies three times his size and is super-fast. Meanwhile Norman has no memory of the events that took place from last night where in my case having Swiss cheese memory of the last six years is a good thing and Norman hears that Dr. Stromm was murdered with the flight suit and glider taken as well. That night Peter decides to use his abilities to make some cash to get a car. How you may ask? By facing off with Bone saw McGraw played by the Late Macho Man Randy Savage but not before getting the phrase Uncle Ben says that’ll haunt Peter for the rest of his existence.

Uncle Ben: With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility

TLOTA (voice over the video): After Peter gets hot around the collar Ben rides off while Peter goes up against Bone Saw as the man himself BRUCE CAMPBELL introduces…

Bruce Campbell: THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN!

TLOTA (voice over the video): After beating Bone Saw, Peter gets gypped by the promotion and lets the thief get away with taking their money which comes back to bite Peter in the ass as Uncle Ben is murdered by the Thief he let go. (Show UHF Clip of Martial Artist sensei shouting “STUPID! YOU’RE SO STUPID!” with clip of Peter Parker sitting and crying on a roof top as the sensei shouting “YOU’RE SO STUPID!” part of the audio clip before the video plays with James doing voice over.) Meanwhile the Green Goblin strikes against Oscorp’s rival and takes out the Government liaison with one fell kablamo! (Cut to James in his room with Lea & Rowdy) Well at least the Government has a good contract with Stark Industries (Show clip of Iron Man 1 where Tony Stark saying he’s shutting down the Weapons manufacturing division of Stark Industries until further notice then the audio cut back to the three who say “Never mind” then back to the visual of James, Lea & Rowdy.) I don’t know about you but I could take a break.

Lea Michele & Rowdy: Sounds good to me.

(Commercial Sting going out with of the American Gladiators first run's final season's ten seconds theme with James Standing next to Army Text saying The Last Of The Americans. Then same commercial sting takes us back to the review.)

TLOTA (voice over the video): After graduation from High School, Peter mulls the words Uncle Ben said to him last and in a way to ease his own eternal guilt fights crime in his brand spankin’ new professional Spider-Man suit while the debate rages by the public and a voice on the Pro-Spider-Man side is a barely recognizable Lucy “Xena” Lawless. I am dead serious. But all of this attention gets to J. Jonah Jameson the chief of the Daily Bugle played by J.K. Simmons who plans to use him to boost sales by vilifying him.

J. Jonah Jameson: He doesn’t want to be famous, then I’ll make him Infamous.

TLOTA (voice over the video): Peter gets a hold of the story and gets a job being paid freelance photographer salary while Mary Jane tells Peter that she & Harry are dating. Meanwhile the Board of Directors at Oscorp decide to oust Norman and sell the company after a big city festival for reasons. But that sets off Norman to fry the Board at said festival where He & Spider-Man face off for the first time and The Green Goblin attacks and nearly kills Mary Jane as well but Spider-Man saves her for the first time as well. After Peter tries to defend Spider-Man to Jameson guess who comes to interrupts Jameson’s gloating.

Green Goblin: Jameson, You SLIME!

TLOTA (voice over the video): Good grief, did that just come out of his mouth?

Green Goblin: SLEEP!

TLOTA (voice over the video): Oh brother and just as you thought things weren’t ridiculous enough. The Green Goblin smacks Spider-Man upside the head and gives him an opportunity to join him to destroy the city. While Peter mulls the offer Mary Jane is attacked by muggers after an audition and we get the infamous one person upside down the other person right side up kiss.(Cut to James in his room with Lea & Rowdy) Lea you’re a woman, if you kissed a guy while they’re upside down is that crazy or romantically awesome.

Lea Michele: Depends on the situation. (Cut back voice over the video)

TLOTA (voice over the video): At a situation where the Green Goblin set an apartment building on fire. Spider-Man tells The Green Goblin he’s nutty as a nut goodie and slices Spider-Man’s arm the two escape as Norman comes in time for Thanksgiving. After seeing Peter’s wounded arm Norman and the Green Goblin plan to attack Spider-Man where it hurts him the most by scaring Aunt May nearly to death and Kidnapping Mary Jane after it appears that Mary Jane was flirting with Peter behind Harry’s back. So the final confrontation is on as Mary Jane and people in a sky car’s lives are at stake when…

First Citizen: Come on up here, tough guy. I got a little something for you!

Second Citizen: I’ll kick your friggin’ ass!

First Citizen: Leave Spider-Man alone! You’re gonna pick on a guy trying to save a bunch of kids?

Third Citizen: I got something for your ass! You mess with Spidey, You messin’ with New York!

First Citizen: You mess with one of us, you mess with ALL OF US! (Cut to James in his room with Lea & Rowdy looking at James)

TLOTA: It was one of the first Post 9/11 movies set in New York after 9/11. (Both Lea Michele & Rowdy go Oh! Then it cuts back voice over the video): After saving everyone in the sky car and Mary Jane the Green Goblin captures Spider-Man and… (Show scene of Explosion takes off 3/4ths of Spider Man’s mask) The Green Goblin goes on the offensive beating Spider-Man into hamburger when he threatens Mary Jane again Spider-Man FINALLY attacks the Green Goblin and Spider-Man eventually discovers that the Green Goblin is in fact Norman Osborn.  It looks like Norman is trying to ask Peter to help him while setting up the glider to chop him in half when (Show scene of Spider-Man leaping over the glider getting Norman right through the guts and man marbles and show scene of audience of “Hot Shots Part Deux holding their private parts then cuts back to Spider-Man)

Norman Osborn (With voice digitally altered to sound higher as if he did get it in the private parts): Peter? Don’t tell Harry. (Norman Osborn dies there)

TLOTA (voice over the video): At Norman’s funeral, Harry vows to make Spider-Man pay for Norman’s death even though it would’ve taken Peter a minute to tell Harry, The Green Goblin killed your father and he died saving me. But what do I know? Remember Swiss cheese memory.

Peter Parker (Narrating): Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words “With Great Power comes Great Responsibility” this is my gift, my curse, Who am I? I’m Spider-Man (Show end scene of first Spider-Man movie then cut to James, Lea & Rowdy.)

TLOTA: And that was the First Spider-Man movie and to be honest, what was accomplished outside of telling his origin story? Not much. (Show clips of First Sam Raimi Spider-Man movie while James does voice over the video) But for setting up character arcs that might be addressed in further movies it does a decent job, the effects haven’t aged well, the story outside of setting up Spider-Man’s origin was fairly well done and I’m surprising myself for saying this because the casting was well done especially with Uncle Ben & Aunt May even Norman & Harry Osborn were well cast. But a lot of the dialogue was lame, the jokes were abysmal and maybe it’s me but it’s not the Best Comic Book Adaptation nor is it the worst but it’s not as amazing as everyone makes it out to be.

(Scene cut to James, Lea & Rowdy.)

Rowdy: Well it looks like you’re on your way back. (Rowdy’s phone goes off) One second. Hello (Muted horn play representing other person talking like in a “Peanuts” Special.) Dang it, I got to go, all the pre-recorded episodes I did when I heard about what happened to you are all posted and I got to get back to do my reviews down where I live in the Dallas/Fort Worth/Arlington area of Texas. I mean I agree with you but I found it pretty good and the story for the most part decent. But this is where I hope you can handle the rest of the movies. Good luck and Stay Rowdy My Friend. (Rowdy pops out as James & Lea sit there in surprise)

Lea Michele: Wow, how did he do that?

TLOTA: He has a genie. How did I know that? (Lea Michele grabs Tri-corder, scans James)

Lea Michele ORAC, what’s the latest findings?

ORAC: According to the scanner some of his memories are beginning to return and his brain is integrating the data from the returning memories to what he’s been though for the past six years. He must watch the next movie in Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man movie series to continue the progress.

TLOTA: So what am I waiting for? (James walks over to Spider-Man 2 & grabs it and it hurts him even worse than grabbing the first Spider-Man and he drops it only for Lea Michele to grab it and see the cover.)

TO BE CONTINUED.....