Wednesday, May 16, 2018

To "Infinity War" & Beyond


(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers Movie Power Rangers at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman  and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. This is a moment I never thought I’d never have to do. Not break the rules, I’ve done that a few times the past five years, but this is the moment in which I go after a Marvel Studios movie! (Cut to still of “Avengers: Infinity War” credit from the Trailer before cutting to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
“Avengers: Infinity War” is undoubtedly the most anticipated Marvel movie since the first “Avengers” movie six years ago. This is what every movie has been setting up even if it didn’t look like it. But will this be a case of so much hype making a movie into something too much even for its own good

TLOTA:
Let’s dive into “Avengers: Infinity War” and find out what if the Vision Tony had in “Age Of Ultron” happens or do we SOMEHOW survive! (Cut to the recreated movie as it shows a spaceship being followed by a ship that’s the size and length of “Spaceballs 1” before cutting into the cockpit of the bigger ship as we discover Cable on Thanos’ Throne James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As our movie begins we find Thor played by Chris Hemsworth Loki played by have the Tesseract and the survivors of the destruction of Asgard are on the run from the Lieutenants of… WAIT A SECOND! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
That’s not Thanos! Only one person I know would warp thing like this. DEADPOOL! (Cut to the interior of Thanos’ Spaceship as Cable is sitting in Thanos’ throne as Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson cartoonishly enters onto the ship)

Deadpool:
HOWDY HO! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Could you do me a favor and bring me Thanos? (Cut to Deadpool in Thanos’ Spaceship)

Deadpool:
But it’s the same actor. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
It maybe the same actor but it’s another character! NOW PUT THANOS BACK WHERE HE BELONGS, OR I WILL CALL THE DISNEY EXECS TO HAVE YOU SO DISNEY-FIED YOU WOULDN’T GET A FRACTION OF A SYLLABLE OF THE WORD CHIMICHANGA OUT OF YOUR CHIMICHANGA HOLE BEFORE YOU’LL WANT MARVEL TO CANCEL EVERY PROJECT INVOLVING YOU! (Cut to Deadpool and Cable)

Deadpool:
Fine, Come on! We’ll probably be a gigantic Number 2 under the anus of this one!

Cable (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
Probably right about that (Cable and Deadpool walk out as Thanos played by Eric Kurtzke takes his Throne back)

Thanos (Played by Eric Kurtzke):
Now let’s get the next Infinity Stone! (Cut to the console as his Lieutenants control the ship)

Ebony Maw (Played by John Santos), Cull Obsidian (Played by Mike Santos), Proxima Midnight (Played by Olivia Horvath) & Corvus Glave (Played by Andrew Beach)(in unison):
JAWOHL!  (Cut to Thor and Loki in the Asgardian Ship)

Thor (Played By Nick Yaun):
We must make it back to Earth. The other Avengers will help us protect the tesseract from Thanos.

Loki (Played by Nick Slimmer):
I think it’s best before we get back to Earth again I heard of this Thaddeus Ross. He implemented something called “The Sokovian Accords” The Avengers as you knew are gone!

Thor:
WHAT?!

Loki:
That’s what I said but unfortunately Humanity is sadly more known to celebrate their idiotic than their intelligent and regrettably these Sokovian Accords is now their planet’s epitaph.

Thor:
If only we had a cask of some of the finest drinks from Asgard! (Cut to the outside as Thor’s Ship is tractor beamed back to Thanos’ Ship before cutting to Thanos in the Ship Hold)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Thanos played by Josh Brolin grabs the Tesseract to get the Space Stone inside the Tesseract. The Hulk tries to attack but is overpowered but Heimdall uses The Bifrost to send The Hulk to earth, subdues Thor then kills Loki (Thanos snaps Loki’s neck)

Loki:
Why didn’t anyone tell me my ass was that huge?! (Loki drops dead)

Thanos:
Might as well as finish the rest of them off! (Thanos tosses Thor out of his sight as screams of death and pain are heard off screen and Thor crash lands on the Milano as it cuts to The Sanctum Sanctorum)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The Hulk crash lands in the Sanctum Sanctorum and reverts to being Bruce Banner played by Mark Ruffalo as he meets up with Doctor Strange played by Benedict Cumberbatch, Wong played by Benedict Wong (EL COINCIDANCE!) and Iron Man Tony Stark himself played by Robert Downey Jr.

Bruce Banner (Played by Andrew Beach):
We’re in trouble! What Loki did a few years ago in New York City was just the beginning! Thor found the real big bad we need to worry about. His name is Thanos and he is hot to kill anyone to get the Infinity Stones!

Tony Stark (Played by Chad Narducci):
Well now we need your stone Strange!

Doctor Strange (Played by Holden Weihs):
Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. (Another Crash happens)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Ebony Maw & Cull Obsidian land as Doctor Strange sends the Time Stone away thanks to an enchantment and captures Doctor Strange.

Tony Stark & Bruce Banner (In Unison at each other):
GOOD ONE ASSHOLE!

Bruce Banner:
Now we need to assemble the Avengers!

Tony Stark:
Bit of a Problem there pal signed something called The Sokovian Accords and now The Avengers are Persona Non Grata!

 (The recreated clips pause as Bruce has a look of wanting to kill Tony before Thunderbolt Ross played by Steve Kidd pops in!)

Thunderbolt Ross:
STOP! I AM THE HERO! I STOPPED THE SUPERPOWERS! I IS RIGHT TO STOP A HERO FROM PROTECTING! (Cut to James as he’s about to bang his head on the table whilst listening to an idiot who wouldn’t know Rat Poop from Rice Krispies before Wonder Woman stops him and calls for “ARCHERS!” as a flurry of images of Sterling Archer fly across the screen and Thunderbolt Ross screams “ARGH! FUNNY!” before Thunderbolt Ross shouts “I’LL RUN TOWARDS THEM, THEY HURT LESS THAT WAY! OWIE! I’VE GOT KETCHUP ON ME!” Off-Screen then cuts to James and Wonder Woman played by Rebecca Yaun.)

TLOTA:
Thanks Wonder Woman, but something tells me you and the league are gonna be busy dealing with plenty of trolls.

Wonder Woman:
Yeah, but here use this button to summon the archers when things become so dumb you need to bring them in to stop it, so intelligence may reign. Farewell James. (Wonder Woman walks away.)

TLOTA:
Thanks Wonder Woman (Cut back to the recreated clips as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile on the bonny bonny shores of Scotland, Wanda Maximoff played by Elizabeth Olsen and Vision played by Paul Bettany try to live a normal life in secrecy from the rest of the world when Proxima Midnight and Corvus Glaive attack them. But thankfully Steve Rogers played by Chris Evans, Black Widow aka Natasha Romanoff played by Scarlett Johansson, The Falcon played by Anthony Mackie rescue them and get the duo to the Avengers Compound where Banner and James Rhodes aka War Machine played by Don Cheadle discuss what is happening and Vision decides the only way to protect the others is to have the mind stone removed or destroyed in effect killing him when Steve thinks of a friend of his in Wakonda who thinks they can keep Vision alive.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Back in New York, Spider-Man comes in just as Tony Stark plans on going out into space to save Stephen Strange and Bruce gets Wong to contact Steve Rogers. Meanwhile in Space, The Guardians Of The Galaxy find and revive Thor and each side tells the other what they know by Thanos.

Peter Quill (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
Okay Thor, you take Rocket and Groot to where ever he needs to go. Gamora, Drax, Mantis we’re going after Thanos.

Groot (Voiced by Diego Torres Kuri):
I am Groot?

Rocket Racoon (Voiced by Seye Ogunnaike):
Yeah, I have no idea what’s going on either! (Gamora is taken off stage right before cutting to Thanos, forcibly try to drag Gamora and Nebula but wind up pulling out Amy Pond and Uhura on Vormir as James continues his voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Thanos kidnaps his adoptive daughters Gamora played by Zoe Saldana and her sister Nebula played by Karen Gillan and WAIT A SECOND! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
DEADPOOL! (Cut to the recreated movie as Deadpool comes screaming and falling into the movie then pops up)

Deadpool:
Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the outhouse! (Cut to James with a look that’d slaughter Serial Killers, Child Molesting Music Teachers and everyone on his Crap list before cutting to Deadpool)

Deadpool:
OKAY, judging by the look on your face, bring Gamora and Nebula back or I finally end up inside the shitter after you have a Yogurt, Metamucil and extra fiber cocktail with an enema chaser! (Cut to James with a look that’d slaughter Serial Killers, Child Molesting Music Teachers and everyone on his Crap list before cutting to Deadpool)

Deadpool:
I’d better step to it and hopefully stay on your good side! (Deadpool grabs Uhura and Amy Pond and places Gamora and Nebula back into place before running for his life and James gets back to his narration.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Thanos goes to Vormir where he and Gamora meet up with The Red Skull. After telling how to find the Soul Stone by sacrificing someone he loves. Sadly, it’s the one who has the hots for Star-Lord. (Thanos kills Gamora played by Brenda Fonseca. Peter, Drax played by James Faraci and Mantis played by Marcella DiPasqualle come in running and shooting as Thanos grabs the Soul Stone and Nebula then runs away and Peter holds Gamora’s lifeless corpse)

Peter Quill:
No! NO! NO! NO! Gamora, say something, Please Anything PLEASE! (Cut to reaction stills of everyone as they feel sad in one way or another as Peter cries to Gamora to not be dead before cutting to Peter Kissing Gamora’s dead lips before Peter shouts “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”) I WILL KILL THANOS MYSELF FOR WHAT HE DID TO HER! I AM NOT GONNA STOP UNTIL THANOS’S HEAD IS ON MY MANTLEPIECE!

Drax (Played by James Faraci):
Then we must get moving in order to not gonna stop and does the Milano have a Mantlepiece?

Peter Quill:
NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO PISS ME OFF DRAX! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So where are we on the how many are dead meter? (James slides over to the left as a meter as it shows the poster of “Avengers: Infinity War as is wobbles up and down with 2016 being on the low end and “The Day After” being on the high end with many different disasters both fictional and real and disaster movies) Okay so right now we’re hovering between what the nuclear holocaust will do and the movie “Independence Day” and it has not stabilized. This may take a while, we’ll be right back!

(James continues to look at the poster of “Avengers: Infinity War” as it fluctuates upwards somewhere past “Independence Day” and closer to “The Happening” before fading to black then cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to clips of the recreated movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Nebula escapes and meets up with Stark, Strange, Spider-man and the Guardians on Titan as Doctor Strange begs Thanos to spare Stark though why he does is beyond me! Tony Stark pretty much ended The Avengers with his John Hancock on the dotted line of The Sokovian Accords. But I digress, Thanos spares them but leaves them on Titan! Meanwhile in Wakonda Steve Rogers played by Chris Evans reunites with Bucky now free from The Winter Soldier and HYDRA’s influence just as Thanos and his forces invade! (Audio of an idiot shouting “STOP!” is heard as it cuts to James physically as he says, “Now What?” before cutting to a close up of Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross!)

Thaddeus Ross:
I WILL STOP THE EVIL THANATOS! HERE COMES THE HEROES! (Camera pulls back to see Thaddeus Ross on a kiddie tricycle as he comically rides into battle and plays a Calvary Charge on a Kazoo before cutting to James as he says, “This is gonna end well” as Thaddeus Ross says “WHEE!” off screen before cutting to see Thaddeus Ross stepping Toe to Toe with Thanos!)

Thaddeus Ross:
Okay there MENTOS! Get ready to meet the real freshmaker! I being the Real Hands Of Fate am goings to take you down! Prepare for death Manos! Get ready to return to the Ocean Manatees! (Cut to James as Thaddeus Ross continues to hype himself up off screen and James just sits there in dull wonder as to what is gonna happen before cutting to see Thaddeus Ross POKE Thanos in the Chest and Thanos just stands there!) YEAH! I WIN YOU DEAD AND SURRENEDERD TO ME! I IS A HERO! (Thaddeus Ross continues to taunt Thanos as he sings “I IS A CHAMPION!” in The Avengers Main Theme song style before cutting to James as he opens his mouth before cutting to Deadpool just walking in)

Deadpool:
James, don’t say a word. Thanos, please watch this clip and listen to Lloyd Christmas! (Deadpool grabs a theater screen as it comes down and the clip of “Dumb & Dumber” as Lloyd Christmas screams “OKAY KILL HIM!” plays before the screen pulls up and Thanos grabs Thaddeus Ross as Thanos snaps Thaddeus Ross’s neck and audio of everyone going “OOH!” before hearing the last words out of Thaddeus Ross’s mouth is “Ooh, I see my Hiney!” before collapsing dead) Wow, that looked painful!

Thanos:
Not as painful a death you will have!

Deadpool:
Whaddayamean?! (Cut to see Deadpool getting a wedgie while attached to a rocket as he futilely tries to stop the fuse to the rocket) You know something, if I ever DO make to the MCU for real instead of some idiot’s reenactment I am going to take Thor’s Maul and I am going to chop your ass into chopped meat for my Chimichangas I swear it, no matter if it takes a legal eternity! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME ASSHOLE! BOTH YOU AND THEN ONE DAY YOUR… (Deadpool screams “AAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!” as he is rocketed off screen and a DING is seen in the distance as he continues to scream “ASS!” before cutting to Steve Rogers played by Diego Torres Kuri and King T’Challa AKA The Black Panther played by Nick Markin leading an several team army squad ready to take on Thanos and his forces.)

Steve Rogers:
Your Highness, Time to fight!

The Black Panther:
WAKONDA FOREVER!

Every soldier:
WAKONDA FOREVER! (Everyone moves towards one another)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Now here’s where the movie did a real good job in making the action an entertaining part of the story and the battle goes well especially when Thor hits the scene with Stormbreaker and wounds Thanos but not enough to end him as Thanos gets the mind stone killing Vision and activates the Gauntlet.

Black Panther:
Shuri! Protect Wakonda! (Cut to Shuri played by Renee Miller as she hears the last “Wakonda Forever” from T’Challa and cries as Shuri looks out to see everyone dying)

Shuri (Played by Renee Miller):
Wakonda…Forever!

(Cut to Nick Fury played by Sean Taylor Simmons as he and agent Maria Hill played by Maria Feist watch the devastation and Nick sees Maria disintegrate.)

Nick Fury (Played by Sean Taylor Simmons):
Oh Hell no! Time to bring her back… (Nick Fury disintegrates as it cuts to Titan as Stephen Strange disintegrates and Tony Stark cries now holds a disintegrating Spider-Man as Spider-Man says “I don’t want to go” before he disintegrates and Tony shouts “NO!” as the camera zooms out to the universe as a wave wipes out half of all life before cutting to a screen with a star on a red and blue background before it flickers to a still with three stars on a red and blue background before the camera zooms back to see the words “To Be Continued” next to the stars before seeing the number 2019 under the words “To Be Continued” before cutting to James physically as he feels the ground shaking.)

TLOTA:
ORAC, please open the sky light! (A Sky Light Opens and a whistling sound is heard before seeing the poster for “Avengers: Infinity War” rocket past the moon before cutting to James) Well congrats “Avengers: Infinity War” You officially have more deaths than “The Day After” Kudos! (Cut to clips of the recreated movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity War lives up to what it promised and more so. The acting is top notch, the battles are ALWAYS amazing fun and I truly did enjoy watching this. But that doesn’t mean it is flawless. A lot of the character interaction aren’t as well written. There were moments where things dragged on a little too long for my taste and I felt I only got half the story, but these are just minor hiccups to the movie.  If the first “Guardians Of The Galaxy” is the Star Wars of the MCU, This is the “Empire Strikes Back” of the MCU and that’s it’s biggest strength and biggest flaw because now the stakes for the future of the MCU releases to top Avengers Infinity War and if history has proven you can’t please everyone every time. Aside from that Overall I do find it worthy of checking out in theaters, on Blu-ray, DVD and Digital Download. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The… (Falling Whistling sound is heard as something lands and leaves James’ reviewing desk a smoldering crater!) Now what?! (James looks and sees Deadpool and James helps Deadpool up)

TLOTA:
Deadpool, You okay there, dude? (Deadpool flips James off pulls something out of his pants, smacks James silly with it drops it on the floor before walking away with James picking up what Deadpool dropped before cutting to James’ hand holding the Justice League Blu-Ray combo before cutting to James looking into the camera)

TLOTA:
Wish I was killed with the half of the Universe that was decimated!

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