Friday, June 23, 2017

My 10 Favorite MST3K Episodes

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. So, Mystery Science Theater 3000 has returned with new episodes on Netflix with a new host and a new set of MADS. My thoughts after watching the first episode? (Cut to host clips and clips of the MADS from "The Beast Of Hollow Mountain" episode of MST3K: The Return and clips of Classic MST3K as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA(Voiceover): I WANT SEASON TWO! YESTERDAY! They did it, they got everything right about the series. I mean it didn't hurt that Joel Hodgson is now the showrunner, but the fact remains the series is continuing it's great ability to riff bad movies and everyone laughing with the host, Tom Servo and Crow. But this is where the show has shined the most. From the past 10 seasons on Television or the countless reruns that air either on Comet TV or even on the streaming services that are around I think that the series continues to be successful and revered because it still remains true and unlike the people who worked on "Attack Of The Eye Creatures" EVERYONE on the new show CARES to honor the past and take care to make sure the future is solid! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And for me to honor the past and make sure MST3K's future fans know about the show, I am going to share with you my 10 favorite episodes of the original series! (Cut to clips of the classic series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And for this list there will be a few rules. One, I am going with the ten seasons that aired on Network TV. The New MST3K just ended it's first season and I am gonna give it a few seasons before I give it it's own list. Two, For every Joel Episode there will be a Mike Episode. Three, The reason for the episode appearing on the list will either be the riff was great, the host segment was good or even the highlight of the episode or for that matter the story involving the host in the episode makes it worthy of being on this list and Four, The MST3K movie is disqualified because I already talked about it in July of Last Year! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Now with that said, these are my Top 10 Favorite MST3K Episodes! (Cut to the entryway to the MST3K theater as the instrumental of the theme plays in the background as the final door opens we see the MST3K moon as it rotates to the logo and it pauses as the words "My Ten Favorite Episodes of " on the top before cutting to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 10 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number ten

10) Soultaker (Cut to Clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Essentially a reunion show of sorts save for bringing back Trace Beaulieu as Dr. Clayton Forrester and voicing Crow one more time and bringing back J. Elvis Weinstein aka Dr. Larry Erhardt. The story of the episode and the riffs are what makes this episode on the list. While Pearl sends Mike and The Bots their movie for the episode The Satellite Of Love has fallen into disrepair and even Gypsy isn't in any sort of good mood to help. (Show clip of Gypsy as she chews everyone out before cutting back to the movie as it gets riffed by Mike & The Bots and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The Riffs on Soultaker are spot on especially on the story itself. (Cut to clips of the host segments of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But what makes the episode is the return of Joel as he comes aboard in the end of the third act to get aboard to fix Gypsy and The Satellite and seeing TV's Frank one more time and keep in mind this was the first episode of the last season airing on what is now the Syfy Channel back when it was SCI-FI! While it would've been nice to see Joel and Mike Riff on the movie together. It wasn't hard to see why they never did. Joel had to fly himself up to the Satellite Of  Love and had to in essence rebuild the systems of the Satellite he didn't have time for joining Mike in riffing. Symbolic of what Joel's role would be since he regained the rights to MST3K. Maybe it was Kismet that the first episode on final season on what is now known as the SYFY network be on this list but maybe it was just for the fun of seeing some of the old faces one more time before SYFY gave it the ax!

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 9 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number nine

9) War Of The Colossal Beast (Cut to Clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The movie itself is the usual fare for MST3K and the host segments are funny as is The Colossal Man played by Mike Nelson. The Invention exchange is as humorous as it could be as well. But what makes this episode list worthy is possibly the most infamous part of the episode. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And the subject of the short. ("Mr. B Natural" played by Traci Hines jump cuts in with the fluty music and James jumps back and shouts DWAH!)

Mr. B Natural: Mr. B Natural Finally free from that cramped up Satellite and ready to awaken the spirit of music in everyone again and I'll start with you James.

TLOTA: Could you wait in the main lobby until after I was done with this list?

Mr. B Natural: I can wait but the Spirit cannot. Finish the list and You can feel like a Happy King! (Fluty Music plays as "Mr. B Natural" Jump cuts out as James looks around as he shakes off the feeling of uncomfortable before cutting to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 8 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Eight

8) Laserblast (Cut to Clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The final episode in the Comedy Central run of MST3K, they threw everything into the episode. The riffs were amazing, the story for Dr. Clayton Forrester's departure was on the nosey, the fact that they subversively told the audience Comedy Central was giving them the ax was awesomely funny and I think the ending does it all (Show end host clip in which everyone sheds their corporeal form and then proceeds to float in the galaxy before we see Dr. Forrester becoming a Star Baby before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: If the show ended here it would've been an okay ending because quite honestly it works as a finale but for a show like this, I was glad it got picked up by the network that called itself the SCI-FI Network and not the SYFY network and we'd get a more fitting finale. But that is for later on in the list!

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 7 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Seven

7) Mitchell (Cut to Clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): While the episode starts off as a normal MST3K episode we soon discover why this episode is list worthy (Show the First post movie Host segment before cutting to the rest of the episode plays as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): That's right Gypsy being played by co-creator and Executive Producer Jim Mallon thinking that Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank were going to kill Joel with Gypsy believing that because Joel has yet to break so they decide to just straight up killing the guy. Using a method that and I'm para-quoting Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank "Elegant, Painful and leaving nothing behind but the great smell of Brut" but in fact they were talking about Mike Nelson the Temp they had hired. So as Gypsy had to try to save Joel from something that The MADS aren't planning on doing to Joel and from what I've heard there was tension between Joel Hodgson and Jim Mallon. Rather than watching the series suffer because of the tension Joel decided to step away from MST3K. The Riff was great and the moment Tom Servo loses it was hilarious. The end segment when Joel is about to read a letter and is unceremoniously sucked into an escape pod hidden in a box of Hamdingers and when the Bots go nuts and The MADS unsuccessfully try to get Joel back but they do find someone else to send up in his place.

This episode had to serve as a finale to the Joel era as well as the beginning of the Mike Era and it pulled off the transition perfectly!

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 6 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number six

6) Girls Town (Cut to Clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA: (Voiceover): The movie is the first episode in the first full season for Mike Nelson. While Mike was getting his sea legs after Joel left in the middle of season five they did try to keep certain things like the Invention Exchange. I think the producers realized by the end of said fifth season they had to let Mike be Mike and it was in this Episode Mike felt free enough to bring his own humor into the mix. While I enjoyed the riff and the story fine enough, what put this one on the list was one host segment that just was for me HILARIOUS! (Show clip of Tom Servo Scatting as Mike and Crow are close to sending Tom Servo into space through an ACME rocket before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: Let's analyze this moment (Show clip again as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): First off, Tom Servo scats for a few seconds before Crow grabs a burlap sack which Mike uses quickly to stuff Tom Servo into then drops him into a 60 Gallon Water Tank which doubles as an ACME Rocket! They're seconds away from lighting the fuse. What stops them? The Commercial Sign and decide to let him out all while Tom Servo scats carefree! A perfectly funny moment worth it's weight in Comedic gold and worth being on this list!

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 5 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number five

5) Catalina Caper (Cut to Clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): I'll admit I'm a bit of a sucker for this type of cheesy campy movie. So seeing Joel and the bots enjoying the silliness of this movie and knowing the riffs are done from a place of enjoyment is a plus in this episode's favor. But what puts the episode on this list? (Show clip of Tom Servo singing about his love for the character played by Ulla Strömstedt before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: Sadly the actress never got a chance to see Tom Servo proclaim his love for her character as she sadly died in a car crash but Kevin Murphy as Tom Servo and his singing is just amazing! And to be honest there are times when I check out the new series and I miss Kevin Murphy's voice but I've gotten use to Baron Vaughn as Tom Servo as of late so take it for what it's worth.

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 4 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Four

4) Diabolik (Cut to Clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): After Pearl fiddles around with the controls of the Satellite and accidentally sending the Satellite into re-entry mode. Pearl decides for their last movie for Diabolik and while the riffing was their usual great fare. It's the fact that for everyone involved that for them, this was the end and they decided to make the best host segments for the series and to see Mike finally getting home and even sharing a place with Servo & Crow doing what they do best.  (Show the final moments of MST3K "Diabolik" episode before cutting to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Up until the Restart on Netflix for all of us MYSTIES, This WAS the final episode! While I'll never get how Crow, Servo and Gypsy got back onto the Satellite. I'm betting Gypsy's company went Belly up and Mike couldn't afford the rent for all of them so Kinga granted them a return to the Satellite Of Love 2.0 which I think it is because I doubt Kinga or anyone on moon base 13 had the resources to rebuild the original from scratch again. But as far as an ending for the Original Show, it was satisfactory. The MADS lost, Mike made it back to Earth and he's happy doing what he wants to and he's got his robot pals.

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 3 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Three

3) "Manos: The Hands Of Fate" (Cut to Clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): I know, A lot of  MYSTIES have put this one at the top of their favorite episode of MST3K Episodes but there's a reason why it's not Number One because it was the first one I saw Online on the official MST3K Channel and it was the first time I saw "Manos: The Hands Of Fate" and I loved the episode. Watching Joel console Crow & Tom Servo after getting out and trying to reenact the long opening drive, Heck seeing TV's Frank and Dr. Forrester in separate host segments apologize for putting them through this was entertaining. Even the end segment in which we see Torgo (Now played by Mike Nelson) owning his own Pizza delivery was entertaining. The fact Mike Nelson got the walk, the look and Mannerisms down pact almost made me think they got the original actor who played Torgo to don the costume and play the role again. I later found out that actor ate a gun! But still this episode is worth it's weight in Torgo's Pizza!

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 2 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Two

2) The Turkey Day Marathon (Cut to Clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):  As we all know another way of calling of a bad movie is the word "Turkey" and as we all know we enjoy Turkeys on Thanksgiving. So Comedy Central came up with the idea to use MST3K to celebrate Thanksgiving. My favorite ones during the first time was the first one in 1991 in which TV's Frank is preparing for Thanksgiving and Dr. Forrester is planning to take over the world, 1994 which had Adam West hosting and it debuted the "Zombie Nightmare" episode & the one in 1995 which had Dr. Forrester trying to take over the world before his mom got to his lair while dealing with Pitch from "Santa Claus", "Mr. B Natural", "Kitten With The Whip" and Jack Perkins and forcibly having to do a Thanksgiving that TV's Frank had planned before his character was written out after the "Samson vs The Vampire Women" episode. While the last episode in the 1995 marathon made Pearl Forrester a permanent fixture in the series. This was a great way for every MYSTIE to get their fix as they enjoy the Turkey with all the trimmings with the family. Why SCI-FI Channel never did that I don't know. I'm sure it would have worked. Being able to see your favorite episodes and some you never thought about checking. While it has come back in recent years thanks to Joel hosting it on YouTube. So while you stuff yourself  with Turkey then I suggest you and your family try stuffing yourselves with some of MST3K's Finest Turkeys while enjoying the Football Game or The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade so they can possibly find themselves enjoying it and finding more episodes they could enjoy outside of the ones in the marathon.

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 1 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):  And My Favorite Episode of Classic MST3K of all is.... 

1) "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" (Cut to Clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Verity Lambert said "You never forget your first Doctor" when it comes to "Doctor Who".  But for MSTies like myself you never forget the first riff. And for me my first Riff was that of the Pia Zadora Classic "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" this was my first exposure to the show and to the movie. So trust me when I say this is MST3K at it's finest. The riffs were on point. The Host segments are hilarious. Even the Patrick Swayze Christmas song is perfectly in tune with everything right with the show and for Joel Hodgson and crew to keep this type of quality up in the new season makes it worth all the while and I hope they keep it going for a long time to come. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And I know I missed A TON OF THEM I really did like so feel free to add your favorite in the comments below. As A matter of fact I encourage you to do so and Share the link! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to deal with a person who needs to awaken the spirit of music in me!  I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's My Opinion. (James reaches off screen and the usual ending of an MST3K as TV's Frank pushes the button.)

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure: H2O Just Add Water Season 1

(Scene begins with Rikki, Emma and Cleo heading to Mako Island and Cleo saying that Mako Island is cursed and off limits before cutting to clips of the girls on the island before cutting to clips of the pilot as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Oh Cleo, stop being a worrywart, It's just an Island. It's not like you'll find a pool that connects to the Ocean and is powered by the moon and gain fish tails and powers and.... CRAP! I've got to learn when to shut my pie hole. Oh well, Welcome my friends to H2O: Just Add Water Season 1!

(Cut to Scenes from season one of "H2O: Just Add Water" as "No Ordinary Girl" is played in the background before cutting Mako Island before it cuts to a scene of James in a lounge chair and the words "Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure" above James before cutting to clips of the show and the season as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): 2006 was a hard year for fans of Mermaids in Cinema.  "Aquamarine" eventually gained a cult status & "Lady In The Water" was such a hilarious little bomb, that would eventually leave The Nostalgia Critic in Stitches but none the less it stunk like rotten fish even worse there was a proposed Spin-Off of the series "Charmed" which would've featured Mermaid characters but due to "The WB" & "UPN" becoming what is now "The CW" AKA The home of the DCCW Universe that series never even made it past pre-production and a made for TV movie that acted as a backdoor pilot for a series that aired on what is now ION Television never made it past said TV Movie. But that was here in the States. In Australia a Kids TV Producer named Jonathan M. Shiff came up with a concept for a Kids show featuring Mermaids and on paper sounded interesting and surprisingly it worked. Partly due to sites like YouTube sending the series to people all over the planet, While eventually Nickelodeon would pick the series up it's popularity found footing, so to speak online through (Pun intended) Streaming services like Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime! I'll get into SOME of the behind the scenes facts that I do know about this series and "Mako Mermaids" as I get to them but for now having spent an entire paragraph on the series info I do know, let's get into the series properly.

The first season and by extension the Shiff-verse of Mermaids begins with the episode properly entitled "Metamorphosis". We're introduced quickly to Emma Gilbert played by Claire Holt and her friend Cleo Sertori played by Phoebe Tonkin & the new girl in town Rikki Chadwick played by Cariba Heine. Emma likes to swim and dreams of being an Olympic Swimming Champion, Cleo likes working with Sea Creatures in a Marine Park and Rikki...Well, she's a hard clam to crack but since she's the new girl in town, we'll get to know more about her as the entire series progresses but to get back at the episode at hand we find our three stuck on a small Dinghy because of an arrogant teenaged jack-ass by the name of Zane that is heading to Mako Island and according to legend it's been deemed off limits because it apparently is cursed! But Emma & Rikki decide to go there because they have very few options either float in the middle of the water until they die or go to the island and wait for help living off what they can until they're rescued. While exploring the island the three find cave in the center of an dead volcano and a tide pool connecting to the ocean. As the three dive into the pool the water somehow activates by the light of a full moon. The three are rescued and the next morning they go on their everyday lives until.... (Cut to the transformation and reaction of the three in their own way)

YEAH, If you see a crab playing Calypso SWIM AWAY! All kidding aside the three discover ten seconds after the initial saturation of water they become mermaids and the source for the transformation is what everyone calls from now on in this series and the next one the "Moon Pool" at Mako Island. Emma & Cleo quickly discover they have certain abilities when it comes to water. Cleo can move water with telekinesis and Emma can freeze water solid. Hmm, I guess she can now hang out with Killer Frost, Captain Cool and Mr. Freeze. In the follow up episode "Pool Party" Rikki discovers her power to heat water to WELL beyond the boiling point and a friend of theirs named Lewis discovers their secret thanks to Zane.  Lewis promises to help the three keep their secret, work on whatever they need done for them per episode and eventually becomes Cleo's love interest, it's a funny old world that the dorky guy can get the hot looking girl who can spontaneously grow gills, fins, scales and a tail with bare contact of water. A few episodes later the series gets strange. Apparently the reflection of the moon depending on the liquid makes one of the three act out of their normal characters. M'Kay! But halfway through the first season we're introduced to Miss Chatham who befriends the mermaids and tells them that she and her friends Julia and Gracie were mermaids back in the 1950's and though she tries to be a mentor her character lasts shorter than Ritchie in Season 2 of Power Rangers the legacy of her character and that of her friends will be a plot point in the second season and while we won't see a proper Mentor character to teen Mermaids helping hone their abilities until Mako Mermaids, it was a nice attempt in doing so. In the meanwhile Zane tries to find out who saved him in the mid season which just so happens to be Rikki, Emma & Cleo also a mistake made Lewis finds the three with an antagonist that doesn't reveal itself until the final episodes Dr. Denman

After some filler the season comes to a close in the final two episodes of the season "Dr. Danger" & "A Twist In The Tail", Dr. Denham has found her way to Mako Island after capitalizing on Lewis' mistake , A team of Divers including Dr. Denham discover the pool leading to find out Rikki, Emma and Cleo are in fact mermaids, While Zane is conflicted towards the events, his father agrees to help fund Dr. Denham's expedition due to a failure of a plan to turn Mako Island into a family resort which was a plot from an earlier episode in this season. Not sure how that was going to work especially when you need a TON of clearances and permits. And drive another point home,didn't people say the Island is cursed? But seeing as how Zane's father is loaded I'm sure there was suitcases of bribery cash and politicians on the take involved in that transaction. But I digress the follow up in the season finale is glorious, Zane after discovering Rikki, Emma and Cleo were the Mermaids who saved him decide to return the favor by helping them and Lewis escape much to the chagrin of his father and Dr. Denham. Dr. Denham confronts the three with a proposal step in the pool tonight under the lunar eclipse or be continually hounded for scientific examination. The three acquiesce to Dr. Denham's demands and it appears that they've become human again. That is until..... (Cut to the three as they're surprised to see their tails have returned and Lewis tells the three what he thought would've happened and the three of them and Cleo in turn suspends Lewis over a fountain of water before fading to black then cutting to clips of Season One and James doing a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Over all Season one was a fun little romp of adventure, teenage hijinks, learning to adapt your life to the changes you don't see coming and even though there is environmentalism episode or three and it's understandable especially since everyone knows where both series are set. I also want to talk about the music. The incidental music used in the series is on track for a show like this, The opening theme song however I personally don't find it to be good but that's just my taste in music, if have a better ability to accept certain genre styles like the Opening theme then all the power to you! (Cut to Opening theme song for a few seconds before cutting back to clips of the season as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): I also want to talk about the production design for both shows and boy howdy is it amazing specifically when it comes to the Mermaid tails, they had two different styled tails one for stationary shots and the other one was made for underwater stunts and I'm sure they were heavy with them being close to 35 lbs. and they had to add two feet onto the tail just to properly move the tails and when they needed to use special effects for the transformation and use of powers it was really impressive. (Cut to a black screen)

But as good as this season was, I feel me personally it could've had a better storyline. So it is here that I introduce the section I call... (The words "HOW I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT!" as James' voice echoes those words before hearing stock Game Show Music as clips of the season play in the background and James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): While the first few episodes I would've kept the way they are I would've added another element of mystery, of someone watching them from a distance. By the first episode when the girls are in school they're assigned to marine biology, their teacher Mr. Jean-Dian tries to include himself sometimes rather unsubtly in order to offer advice and try to be helpful to Rikki, Emma and Cleo eventually earning their trust even asking the three of them to use hyperbole if the situation is something involving something mermaid related to help him understand the situation. By the middle of the season Rikki, Emma & Cleo receive hand written letters with incredible penmanship and wordsmithing.

After the events of the mid-season episode happen Rikki, Emma and Cleo acquiesce to the request of the letter and in the cave the person who wrote the letters to the three reveals who the person happens to be and says he's been watching them and while they've progressed slowly for his desires he's decided to drop the subterfuge and come out of the shadows, revealing himself to be Mr. Jean-Dian which happens to be a nom de plume and the name of the man who has been watching in the shadows is The Guardian. He may look young but he's a couple of centuries old and with the wisdom of ages he would teach them how to master not only the powers they've got when they first obtained their powers but also the powers they had not even thought they had yet to tap into and through those abilities being able to effectively stop Dr. Denham and Zane's Father or if it's a matter of the heart or something personal.

While Cleo and Lewis' relationship grows quickly as does Rikki and Zane's, The Guardian suggests the couples take it slow. While not getting into too much detail he does admit when he fell in love, it was possibly at the worst time eluding to a moment when darkness had covered the island and  the relationship ended with her demise and it destroyed him inside but looking at the two couples gave him some feeling of hope and the season ends with the three fully accepting that they are mermaids and their world has been changed forever, ready to face whatever adversity comes their way together and accept changes for better or worse and The Guardian decides to stick around for the remainder of the series to assist the three as much as he can. And that ends this portion of... (The words "HOW I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT!" as James' voice echoes those words before cutting back to clips of the first season as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover): If you liked the first season the way it was or my version of things, let me know in the comment section but let me say the following as to why I am doing the "How I would Have Written It" segment. I have a reason for this and when we get to the last season of Mako Mermaids, it will help clear up the mess in continuity this series will make when Mako Mermaids happen. But we'll get to them when they come. To me this season set up a good foundation for a new universe it opened and expansion into said universe will occur as will changes up the wazoo. But we'll get to that when we reach season 2!  (Fade to Black before cutting to Cleo in the second episode having to hear she'll be late from her little sister before cutting to her recently transformed saying " It's OK, Kim. I'll walk." before cutting to Black)

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

The Top Five "Good" Shia LaBeouf performances.

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2016 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James morphing into his new suit for the first time, James getting slapped by Paulo, Mr. B Natural pop jump cutting into frame as James grabs Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid as they scream in terror, Traci Hines shooting the Double Barreled handgun, Everyone trying to stop Eliza Dushku from using her switchblade knife on an unconscious Spoony,  James blast jumps and Eliza rolls out of the way as an electrical pulse knocks out everyone else before cutting to the clip of The Moviebusters pulling out their Proton Pack blasters until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows the team line-up of the majority of 2015 walking towards the screen as the camera rises over to see the American Flag and James’ signal in the sky as before cutting to James as he jumps and pulls out a sonic screwdriver before cutting over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Ed Champion, Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his Office)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and…. (James Opens the Door to his office to the hallway outside) IT’S THE FOURTH ANNIVERSARY! (The Camera pans back to see the entire team with party streamers, Confetti before cutting to a fireworks and Ode To Joy play in the background before cutting to James and everyone in the hallway)

TLOTA: And guess what, It’s our first full original content for our new bosses at Manic Expression! So, this time we’ll let our audience choose the movie we should review. Should we… (Cut to an image of the team dressed as characters of a movie currently in theaters as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): A) Recreate a movie while doing a review! (Sparse clapping is heard before cutting to an image of the team dressed as characters of a movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): B) Do a review of a movie everyone likes and I could recommend watching. (Less Sparse clapping is heard before cutting to an image of the team dressed as characters of a movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): C) Do a review of a movie no one likes and I like. (Even less Sparse clapping is heard before cutting to an image of the team dressed as characters of a movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Or D) Something involving Shia LaBeouf! (Wild applause and clapping is heard before cutting to James as he looks through the video library)

TLOTA: I knew you would make me do something featuring him. Now to pick out one that features Shia that doesn’t involve Crystal Skulls or Transformers so… (James scats silently until he finds what he’s looking for and Nick shouts FORE off screen and several DVD cover falls out of the library and James picks them up)
TLOTA: Okay so there are a few choices for me to chose from. So we're going to check out these five out and we'll see which one we can find the one we can get the most review material for.  (James hits play on the remote on the DVD player before cutting to black and the words "Five Movies Later" appear on-screen before cutting to everyone being carted off to the funny farm save for James.)
TLOTA: See you guys next month! So Yeah! I didn't think that they could handle five movies featuring Shia LaBeouf but after watching so many of his movies, who knew I'd find of all things five movies where he'd shine as a star?! (Cut to clips of Shia LaBeouf movies as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): That's not to say I'll ever fully like EVERYTHING in the movies he's in or say he's a good actor. The truth still remains he as an actor is HORRENDOUS! But if history is any indicator he'll be in the straight to DVD Z-Grade movies in a few years. (Cut to James in his office)
TLOTA: So it is with that in mind and I PRAY for forgiveness from the Cinema gods on this one with the Top 5 "Good" performances of... Just play the intro, I can't physically say it (Cut to Shia LaBeouf as his face spins in the center of a hypnowheel as the chorus to "Combine Harvester" plays as it shows clips of Shia LaBeouf actually acts or comes close to it before the words The Top Five Good Performances of Shia LaBeouf before it fades away and the number comes up and James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Five
5) Bobby

TLOTA (Voiceover): In this bio-pic of Bobby Kennedy Shia plays a character named Cooper who while on an acid trip was trying to assist Bobby Kennedy before his assassination in the Ambassador Hotel. While Critics ravaged the movie. I personally found the movie more engaging and more entertaining than Oliver Stone's JFK movie ever could be. Emilio Estevez shows he has the ability to make an awesome movie and in turn make Shia an actor. Who knew that was possible? But he was able to put out a good performance in a better movie that JFK. A good start to a good set of performances in this countdown.
(Cut to Shia LaBeouf as his face spins in the center of a hypnowheel as the chorus to "Combine Harvester" plays as it shows clips of Shia LaBeouf actually acts or comes close to it before the number comes up and James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Four
4) Holes

TLOTA (Voiceover): His first big project since Even Stevens ended. Shia plays Stanley Yelnats the fourth cursed with bad luck he's falsely arrested for stealing sneakers meant to be sold to charity and sentenced to a summer detention camp where they make the prisoners dig holes and anything they find gets them a day off. In the meanwhile Stanley befriends the ancestor of the person who cursed his entire family generations ago and through the course of the movie Shia's performance stands out in what could've been just another kiddie movie into one of Disney's good live action movies but that's not saying much. Most of Disney's Live Action Movies are hit or miss depending on which movies you like.

(Cut to Shia LaBeouf as his face spins in the center of a hypnowheel as the chorus to "Combine Harvester" plays as it shows clips of Shia LaBeouf actually acts or comes close to it before the number comes up and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Three

3) The Company You Keep

TLOTA (Voiceover): Shia plays a young reporter who discovers a well respected lawyer in Albany played by Robert Redford and the further Shia goes into the subject the further he sees how dark his subject's past is involving murder and domestic terrorism and believe it or not Shia LaBeouf can do something I never thought possible he underplayed his role and it worked towards Shia's performance. Not hurting the performance is the fact is Robert Redford produced and directed this movie so Shia probably had to straighten up and fly right and when he did that, Shia actually performed less like what we knew him for and actually found himself giving a decent performance.

(The sound of a brick hitting glass is heard before cutting to James physically as he looks out the window and the thought "PANTS TO BE DARKENED" is coming to his mind before turning to the audience)
TLOTA: And now I need to take a break because I think I hear an angry mob of my fellow Internet Reviewers...(The audio of Asalieri screaming "STRING HIM UP BY HIS PO-POS AND WHACK HIM LIKE A PINATA!" is heard) Okay I stand corrected it IS an angry mob of my fellow Internet Reviewers ready to put me out to pasture!
(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro and return to James shouts off screen "Alright I promise! Now please Disperse! Put away the Pitchforks, Torches, Shotguns and every other weapon you have!" before James returns his office)

TLOTA: Okay, now that I have avoided an internet lynching and public bobitizing let's get back to work!

(Cut to Shia LaBeouf as his face spins in the center of a hypnowheel as the chorus to "Combine Harvester" plays as it shows clips of Shia LaBeouf actually acts or comes close to it before the number comes up and James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Two
2) "Just Do It"

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yeah, this internet video of him ranting and raving about doing something, ANYTHING you want to is actually as far as I'm concerned is one of his better performances. He tries to sound try to hardcore but dude the guy is funny. Possibly better than his daytime Emmy award winning award winning role of Louis Stevens. He went so far off the rails he actually got me a smile is actually worthy of being worthy of being good enough to be put on this list so give a watch and (Shia shouts "JUST DO IT!" before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: Okay, Fine! Let's get to...  
(Cut to Shia LaBeouf as his face spins in the center of a hypnowheel as the chorus to "Combine Harvester" plays as it shows clips of Shia LaBeouf actually acts or comes close to it before the number comes up and James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): The Number one "Good" performance of Shia LaBeouf is...
1) The Greatest Game Ever Played

TLOTA (Voiceover): Shia LaBeouf plays Francis Ouimet the first amateur golfer to win the U.S. Open in 1913 and he had to face it while everyone looked at him as trash for not being a rich person to play. You see Golf was different back in 1913 and how do I know this? I had help guess who watched this movie with me?!

(Cut to Nick and Rebecca Yaun talking about Golf and the facts about Francis Ouimet as James nods and writes down the notes from the movie and then Nick and Rebecca adding more notes before James' seat in the couch collapses and the couch folds in on itself and launching Nick towards the back room and Rebecca towards the front door and all three say "Ow!" before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): What surprised me was that Shia actually put that manic energy instead of acting like a over hyper active four year old partly due to the late Bill Paxton directing this one. I guess he was able to connect to Shia and made him able to focus on putting a good performance and it shows! He actually connected to audiences and critics. He did so good even I'll admit he put out a Good enough of a performance to make it the Number one "Good" Performance of Shia LaBeouf's career. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And those are the only Good performances of Shia LaBeouf and after four years I think I've tapped the Shia LaBeouf well dry and I think that might be a good thing! (Cut to past clips of James talking about Shia LaBeouf as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Because honestly while I'll never believe he can earn an academy award for his acting. Talking about what has now been considered a dead horse for a while can be grueling and believe it or not I don't hate the guy personally his movies can be a chore to get through and while I hope he eventually does learn how to fully act, I'm not gonna hold my breath as I move forward  in my career. But for now, Shia whatever you do in your life PLEASE do it well enough that it doesn't involve Hollywood for a while anyways. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion! (Cut to James as he's working on the next review as Rebecca Yaun knocks on his door.)

TLOTA: It's open Rebecca! (Cut to Rebecca as she opens the door and sits down in front of James.)

Rebecca Yaun: How did you know it was me?

TLOTA: Well you, Olivia and Brenda are the only ones who knock. Listen, I've been hearing from a couple of others that you might be well no other way of saying it Jealous of Felicia.

Rebecca Yaun: I'm not jealous of her. I'm worried for you. The first time you were in a relationship it didn't end well, the second time, Heck every relationship ended for you in heartbreak! I just didn't want it to happen to you again. Now you obsess over her, that letter behind you and I am afraid for you.

TLOTA: Rebecca, I have parents and siblings who are disapproving of me and Felicia. The last thing I need are my friends acting the same.

Rebecca Yaun: But what exactly do you know about her? Nothing... AT ALL! You don't even know her last name, how old she is, who she is as a person, anything. For all you know she could be someone. James, all I'm asking is you take it slow, please! (Rebecca starts to walk away and James looks at the letter.)

TLOTA: She's had dreams. (Rebecca turns around)

Rebecca Yaun: Of What?

TLOTA: Water, Mermaids, and an Island.

Rebecca Yaun:  And you're thinking it's a sign. You are thinking Felicia is her.

TLOTA: I honestly don't know if it is her or not. Maybe it's coincidence, maybe it's not but I'm gonna play this one close to the chest. I have to, I'm getting on in years. You're married to Nick, Paulo is married to Brenda. The others... I try not to pry to far into everyone's lives but when I ask how are things with them, I mean well and I honestly do want to know what's going on with them but I try not to be too intrusive and try to keep out of their affairs unless they ask for my help. Otherwise, you know how I am.

Rebecca Yaun: And that's why I truly hope the best for you but I really am going to suggest you listen to us. We don't want to see you get hurt and when you get hurt, you dive into your work to numb the pain and when that happens everyone suffers. Please promise me that if it doesn't work out you'll find something else to fill in the time and we'll still do this and we keep it fun.

TLOTA: Okay, I promise. (James and Rebecca shake hands then hug on it and Rebecca walks out again.) Rebecca... (Rebecca turns around again) Thanks for looking out for me.

Rebecca Yaun: No problem. (Rebecca closes the door behind her as James goes back to work before James turns off the next review and James opens the picture of Felicia as the two are happy after going out for a dinner date at James' home as the two enjoy dinner and James has an inquisitive look on his face.)

TLOTA: ORAC, how long would it take before you could figure out if Felicia is her?

ORAC (Audio only): The exact time would be incalculable.

TLOTA: Well the second you do find out contact me. Even if I'm in the middle of a review.

ORAC (Audio only): Wouldn't it be considered bad etiquette to do so?

TLOTA: I'll check it out during the break. Otherwise start working on it. (James looks as the letter and Emmalina's amulet reacts to the photo of Felicia .) Who are you Felicia?