Monday, September 19, 2016

The Top 10 movies I want to see MST3K riff.

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then cutting to The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (Cut to clips of MST3K as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): If you are an internet reviewer like me you MUST have seen Mystery Science Theater 3000. Their ability to riff on bad movies is incredible and since it has been announced that the Satellite Of Love next go around is being streamed on Netflix after a successful Crowdfunding campaign, I wish the new host and the bots a lot of luck because it'll be needed for it to succeed in a world filled of characters that riff on movies for lunch it'll have to take down some pretty big turkeys and if they do succeed you know there'll be another season. I've already talked about the movie with The Nostalgia Kid and Rowdy and The Nostalgia Kid already said all that can be said about MST3K both positively and negatively so there's nothing I can add. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: Except maybe list 10 movies I want to see them if the show continues. Now some of them I've reviewed already, Some I WILL review eventually and some I won't . This is the Top 10 movies I want them to see get riffed! (Cut to the entryway to the MST3K theater as the instrumental of the theme plays in the background as the final door opens we see the MST3K moon as it rotates to the logo and it pauses as the words "The Top ten movies James wants" on the top and the words "To Riff on" before cutting to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 10 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number ten

10) The 3 Tails.

TLOTA (Voiceover): I'll go into better detail when I review this. But I will say this positive about it. They put effort into what they were doing. They had a message they wanted to say. But HO BOY! This movie is a turkey that needs professional riffing. This movie is really right up in their wheel house!

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 9 is seen and James does a voiceover.)



TLOTA (Voiceover): Number nine

9) KICKASSIA!

TLOTA (Voiceover): I know! I know! I reviewed this one a while back and have since found it entertaining. I want to see something of one of us did get recognition! Even if it's simply getting riffed by the professionals. Who knows? This might lead to more recognition of who we are and what we do and let Hollywood know we can do what they can and possibly better than they can!


(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 8 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 8

8) Dagon

TLOTA (Voiceover): Hoo boy this is something that needs to be riffed because it is so freaking insane. So insane I can't review it.  This movie needs to be riffed until the sun sets. This has some serious crazy on levels too disturbing for me to go near with a 75 ft. Pole! So Kinga Forrester please send this movie to the gang. Who knows you might just get what your dad and Grandma didn't. The total breaking of those trapped on the Satellite of Love

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 7 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number seven

7) Rhinestone

TLOTA: Call me a Cuckoo Sadist but I think if I review this I may just snap. But I am willing to let the professionals on the Satellite Of Love take this one on! Poor Walter Banasiak, he had no option than to put this one on the top of Sylvester Stallone's WORST performances. I wonder how the gang on board The Satellite Of Love will take it.  



(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 6 is seen and James does a voiceover.)


TLOTA (Voiceover): Number six

6) Caligula

TLOTA (Voiceover): I've Seen The Cinema Snob's review. I'm not going anywhere NEAR it. But who knows maybe it might be good for a chuckle or two to see how grossed out everyone on the Satellite Of Love can get especially when it has to deal with where they can stick flowers and trust me YOWZA! Tom Servo, Crow, Jonah I will wish you luck if you have to do this one!

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 5 is seen and James does a voiceover.)


TLOTA (Voiceover): Number five



5) Mirrors and or Mirrors 2

TLOTA (Voiceover): These two I won't review for my own reasons but I will hope the gang on the Satellite Of Love will give it the full MST3K treatment these movies deserve! Because these two horror movies are so disturbing and corny this deserves the gang from the Satellite Of Love tearing it down to a sub atomic level!

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 4 is seen and James does a voiceover.)


TLOTA (Voiceover): Number four

4) The Room

TLOTA (Voiceover): While yes The Nostalgia Critic has gone to town on it AND so has Rifftrax  & Cinemasins I feel, me personally, that Tom Servo, Crow and Jonah need to take it to town and just have their way with it. Just make Tommy Wiseau suffer the slings and arrows of what real sane people think of his "Cinematic Masterpiece"!

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 3 is seen and James does a voiceover.)


TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Three

3) ANYTHING from Uwe Boll

TLOTA (Voiceover): I mean it anything to give that sour Sauerkraut his comeuppance, I WELCOME IT! While I will never review ANYTHING by Boll. I will enjoy the gang on the Satellite Of Love taking this wiener schnitzel and his schlock to town! 

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 2 is seen and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 2

2) The Sharknado movies!

TLOTA: No reviews necessary on my part but Ho Boy watching Jonah and the bots take this never ending library of Sharknado movies will be so worth the time seeing them mock how bad these movies just keep getting dumber and dumber and just so damned corny! They deserve to be riffed.

(Cut to the still of the MST3K logo as the number 1 is seen and James does a voiceover.)


TLOTA (Voiceover): And THE Number one movie I want to see Mystery Science Theater 3000 riff is...

1) Fishtales!

TLOTA (Voiceover): I HAD TO PUT THIS ONE UP HERE AT THE NUMBER ONE SPOT I HAD TO! THIS MOVIE IS SO INCREDIBLY BAD IT NEEDS TO BE TORN BY US INTERNET REVIEWERS AND RIFFED BY THOSE ON-BOARD THE SATELLITE OF LOVE! IT IS UP THERE WITH THE ROOM, FOODFIGHT, BIRDEMIC AND SO MANY OF THE MOVIES I PUT ON THIS LIST BUT TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I HOPE JONAH & THE BOTS GIVE THIS MOVIE THE RIFFING IT NEEDS BECAUSE AYE CARUMBA IT HAS TO BE DONE! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And those are the ten movies I want to see those on the Satellite Of Love riff. (Cut to clips of movies as they're being riffed on MST3K as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But please bear this in mind, this list is for the next season IF the series is a success and to be honest I know there will be a second season. Why? Because it is our ultimate fantasy. To be able to talk during the movie and tear it a new one as we watch. And let me say this right now, We owe everything to a couple of guys who decided to take bad movies to town and made it funny and our gratitude will never end for Joel, Mike, Crow, Gypsy, Cambot and Tom Servo. Thank you guys for giving us the inspiration to do what we do best. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's My Opinion!