Monday, September 12, 2016

Behind The Scenes & Bloopers: Jem & The Holograms

(Scene starts in The main lobby at James' office as everyone is prepping to shoot as James is looking on his Mini Tablet.)

Eric Kurtzke (Audio only): So James, what are you checking out?

James Faraci: I just saw something that made feel several mental synapsis just explode.

Eliza Dushku (Off-Camera): What is it?

James Faraci: It's one of your old Co-Stars from "Bring it on" doing a cover of "Turning Japanese" Kirsten Dunst I think is the one? (Eliza walks into the frame)

Eliza Dushku: Well she did say she was thinking about recording some music, this ought to be something wicked good. (Cut to a black background with the following in white text "Day one of filming was scrapped due to sever temporary mental loss!"  before cutting to James walking out of his ride as the instrumental to "Combine Harvester" by The Wurtzels play in the background.)

James Faraci (Audio only): So yesterday I ROYALLY FUCKED UP and because of that we lost an entire friggin' day of filming. So we're going to have to double up on everything. We're going to be filming the Pick Up Intro, Pick Up Outro, ALL of Traci's work as Synergy and ALL of the Pick Up Scenes. Tomorrow I'm shooting the bulk of the review leaving me NO time whatsoever for mistakes. Any bloopers that'll happen will probably happen naturally, so let's do it! (Cut to the outside of the Green Screen room where Olivia Horvath is setting up her Make-up Equipment.)

James Faraci (Audio only): So Olivia, we have everything set up, the Costume, Wig and Headband courtesy of Traci Hines and the make-up combination true to the animated series character of Synergy.

Olivia Horvath: Well it was hard but Renee and Traci helped me find the rest of the colors that I needed and I got the specialty contact lenses. But that of course will be AFTER you film the finale in which Traci demolishes the DVD, right?

James Faraci (Audio only): Actually I got two copies of the movie. One was completely unwatchable and the other one played fine but it was a pile of shit so both copies are going to get what I call The "Nostalgia Critic Neverending Story 3" ending combined with The Blockbuster Buster's "Dungeons & Dragons" ending.

Olivia Horvath: What does both of those endings entail?

James Faraci (Audio only): It involves destroying the movie. While The Nostalgia Critic went to town on The Neverending Story 3 and getting very disturbing, and in The Blockbuster Buster's "Dungeons & Dragons" review it involves the character of Nerdlinger... You know what in fact let me pull both of them up on my Mini Tablet so you know what I'm trying to say. (Cut to James piling up a pile of cinderblocks so it'd work perfectly with both James and Traci and John Santos films.)

John Santos (Audio only): So I'm filming James and Traci's mental breakdown in which she takes out her anger on these two discs with this mallet to look like a smaller version of Thor's Hammer courtesy of our resident prop master Nick Yaun in which it looks like James is about to demolish them when Traci grabs the thing and just demolishes it and Traci, you look like you have some trepidations towards the scene.

Traci Hines: Well, to tell the truth, I wasn't angry I didn't get into the movie or the video I did with my friends didn't get to be a part of it.

James Faraci (Audio only from a distance): Well, the way I wrote it is that you're upset as a fan of the show.

Traci Hines: Right (Camera pans over to James)

James Faraci: So this is A Cathartic Release of energy demolishing the damned thing.

Traci Hines (Audio only from a distance): Oh, I get it. This is me just destroying it in the name of the actual series. (Traci walks into frame)

Traci Hines: So when I scream "I'm raping the movie!" it's me that is the fan of the series just giving it the anger of it not being like the series I grew up watching.

James Faraci: Pretty much. (Cut to James holding the camera pointed onto the wall)

James Faraci (Audio only): Okay everyone, Quiet please! And Action! (James laughs insanely as he nearly drops the camera as he pans down the sign.) We'll work that out in post. (Cut to the camera looking at James.)

John Santos (Audio only): So we're ready?

James Faraci: As ready as we'll ever be. AND Action. What the...?

Traci Hines (Audio only): SCUM SUCKING GARBAGE GOBLING WHORE!  (Traci begins to use the weapon when five slams in the head of the hammer is knocked off and James groans and says "Cut" before cutting to James getting strapped down)

Paulo Fonseca (Audio only): So I'm about to learn more about the romantic exploits between my sister and brother in law than I ever wanted to know. So Nick, you and my sister are about to be shown in possibly the most disturbing light ever. (Nick chuckles as he reads his lines to himself.)

Nick Yaun: Trust me James' fantasies about me and Rebecca are so far off base even I can't come up with a word to describe how his thoughts about what happens between me and Rebecca in the bedroom. (Cut to James getting strapped down and sitting down and everyone saying their lines and Eliza drops the key in her shirt and she gasps in shock and James shouts Cut! before cutting to James taking care of Eliza Dushku)

Eric Kurtzke (Audio only): So what the hell happened?

James Faraci: Well someone put the prop key into the freezer and I know I didn't do it because I let someone know when I'm gonna prank them 24 hours in advance so they can prepare for ANYTHING but this has another person's signature and usually if it's so on the fly it has to be either you, John or Mike because Paulo, Rebecca, Renee or Nick gives twelve hour notice Eliza or Traci would give us an hour's warning. (Cut to another take in which Eliza Dushku drops the key into her shirt and as she adjusts her shirt and says "Honk! Honk!" and everyone laughs uncontrollably before cutting to Traci as she screams and shouts before she starts laughing uncontrollably and James says Cut before cutting to Traci says her lines and accidentally smacking James in the face and everyone laughs behind the camera as James says cut before cutting to see Traci's smack having a bit of an effect.)

James Faraci: Minor Nose Bleed hadn't had one in a few years but it happens when you get smacked hard.

Traci Hines: I think I broke something on your nose. (Cut to James as he gets strapped down and film the review and everyone walks away as Nick says "Let's take a break after we tie him up" and everyone walks away leaving James tied up.)

James Faraci: Funny guys! Very funny! Hey I know I cost us a day's filming but this isn't the way to get back at me! Guys! Guys! GUYS! (James sighs) I brought this upon myself.